School days
On our senior trip in high school we were turned loose in the big city of Toronto. One of the "coolest" girls in the class gets shitfaced and pulls a cute jock. They're doing the horizontal gavotte for two when she props herself up on her elbows and pukes down his back! He's in his vinegar strokes and can't stop so he pounds away with nacho chunks working their way into his asscrack at every thrust.

This was almost 30 years ago and she still hasn't lived it down.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 5:28, Reply)

Brings back memories
I was 9 and I had a bad stomach virus or food poisoning or something. So as my mother was driving me to the doctor's I would start gagging and attempting not to hurl all over the interior of the car. But I couldn't hold it all down so I stuck my head out of the window and proceeded to throw up all the contents of my stomach into the air and subsequently, onto the windshields of every car behind us. It was terrible.
(spiggums, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 4:50, Reply)

not my vom but close enough

I didn't do the hurling myself but I was directly involved so I'm making it count.

Family was out on a camping trip when I was 6 and the little brother was 4. I slept on the outside edge of the bunk as he had a habit of rolling out of bed on to the floor.

Am awakened by a weak "Mommy...I feel yucky" being said next to me and the next thing I know the little bastard rolls over and hurls all over my head. Cue pandemonium.

The boy continues hurling, I start wailing, mom starts screaming and dad laughs hysterically.

Good times.
(Girlmitzi, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 4:23, Reply)

first holy communion
Me aged about 7 or 8, front row of church. Alter starts swaying up and down, I faint and wake up. Vomiting ensues all over the pew and front of the church.

I was quickly escorted out the back. It was probably an omen to me latter denouncing all religon and becoming an athiest. (My parents only wanted me to be a christian so i could get into a catholic school).

Oh and I just remembered, I was also puked on some little kid as I was leaving
(gerg, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 2:54, Reply)

I love the word "vom"
I came back from living in Scandahoovia for 6 months and my friends decided to take me to a welcome home party at a bar. Booze was too expensive in Norway to waste my piddily little farm labourer's wages on, so I hadn't been drunk all that time. Knowing what a lightweight I am when it comes to likker, I didn't want to get trashed. So when offered a Long Island Iced Tea, I gladly accepted.
This was in 1981 and I had never heard of one. I sucked down 2 in 20 minutes not realizing I was ingesting SIXTEEN fucking shots of hard liquor. I can't drink more that 3 beers without staggering.

I was so confused--why was the room spinning? What's wrong with me, I can't walk straight...I don't remember what we talked about, who I flirted with or when we limped home. I do remember vomiting a lovely deep purple. Feckers.

As a side note, I found why I can't get a hangover: my body jettisons the poison before it can do much damage.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 2:53, Reply)

Ooh.Another one I remember
I was at a friend's wedding just before Easter.My wife and kids had gone home earlier and I was catching up with friends that I hadn't seen for ages,having a few refreshments.I ended up getting a lift home with my best friend's dad.About a mile from home,after a very queasy journey,I honk pungent lager and whiskey spew all over his nearly brand new car.He was really good about it and drove me home without stabbing me or anything.I've never been more ashamed since I shat in a sink at university.
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Sun 22 Aug 2004, 0:24, Reply)

Beware of DJ's Bearing Gifts
Was in a club in Newcastle a couple of months back, for whatever reason there was a curry eating competion going on that night. So anyway as soon as the DJ announces it I scramble through the crowds to the stage.

"Me! Me! Pick Me!"

There I was on stage facing off against some geordie.. eating this curry. At first it was quite nice then it started to burn. So we both finished the curry (he won) and the DJ began dishing the leftovers to the crown.

In the midst of this I was making a mad dash to the toilets, elbowing people out the way and desperately trying to breath in cool air. Spent the next 15 minutes wretching into the sink, trying to get the evil demon out. I was also joined by about 3 others who had decided to tasted the leftovers.

I spent the rest of the night in a curry-enduced trance, then a coma-like state on the way home as it burnt my innards. If that wasn't bad enough the next morning was hell.

The thing about curry is that it burns both on the way in... and the way out... so I get out of bed and rush to the bathroom. A highly flamable gas starts coming out of my arse, and after a while shit starts squirting out... the burning was unbearable...

About 5 minutes in it became clear that the curry was also trying to escape up my throat, so not wanting to spray shit everywhere resigned myself to covering my bathroom wall with brown puke/curry. I'm not sure if it was the ahllucinations but I could have swore it was melting the wall like the acid from the alien films...

Moral of the story... beware of DJ's offering food/drink in nightclubs.
(ChrisK, Sun 22 Aug 2004, 0:07, Reply)

Worst and best Vom
Travelling on a train for a few hours after work to visit your pal after work can be thirsty work. so when i arrive at said mates city, we go for a drink. About 5 hours later my stomach decides i've had enough. Nothing new there. So as we exit the club, so does the booze from me. All over the wall. I collapse in a heep, leaning on the wall. next thing i know someone i had never met until that night decides i need cleaning up. he picks me up and wipes the vom drool from my chin with his bare hand. What a guy.
(Malt Monkey, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:40, Reply)

Underage nightclub drinking
After what seemed like many snifters,but was probably only about 5 pints,I found myself having a crap and falling asleep on the throne.Before sweet slumber carried me away though,I looked down and puked in the small gap 'twixt leg and seat,apart from the stray chunder that lodged itself in my undercrackers.The friendly doormen carried me out of the back door,thankfully without kicking the crap out of me.I found my way round to the front of the club,only to find that my mates,who were staying at my house had pissed off without me.I did manage to get home eventually,although the next day,I also found that my bum cheeks were stuck together with poo poo
(archroy Get down wi' yer bad self., Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:37, Reply)

The Orthodontist cheek incident
I had an evil shit for an Orthodontist. One day, while he was in my mouth, upto the elbow with his torque rench (or summat) he touched that vom trigger at the back of my throat.

I tried to warn him "Imb gonba buke" said I.

"I'm sorry, what?" he said withdrawing his hands from my mouth and actually leaning his ear toward my face.

Boosh! Have it! Right on the side of the face. I copped a bit of splash back, but it was fucking worth it.
( bowdie, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:33, Reply)

(happy polly loggies for the length) i went to a party at a friend's house
where a large vat of wine was being drunk. The stuff was horrific, putrid shite bought from a maltese farmer for under lm2 (about 3.50 sterling I think) for more than 10 liters of it. I am not really a 'wine person' but after downing god knows how many glasses of it i felt it beginning to chunder in my guts and it was either shit myself or puke (at the time I did not realise that there was the possibility of doing both at the same time - it is, i have done it, it is not nice). Being rather embarrassed to spew in front of my mates I went outside and puked copiously all over a vacant lot (now a building site), then staggered back to my mate's house for a sit down. It gets worse.

A girl I liked offered me a lift home, probably more out of pity than anything else because I was paralytic by now and probably stank of red wine. On the ride home, maltese roads being what they are, I fought to avoid puking in her car so I leaned my head out of the window and let rip as she drove down the motorway. At least I did not leave streaks on her paint work. When she finally got me to my neighbourhood I crawled out of the car onto the pavement and chundered all over the front step of the HSBC before managing to stagger home. There was a stained red splotch there for ages.
(washing_machine, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:15, Reply)

Sorry for another
When I was in Year 5 or 6 at primary school one of my friends suddenly threw up...but it wasn't normal. There was little of the disgusting paste and stomach lining, the majority of it was made up with a WHOLE baked potato, which slid menacingly across the table toward another friend and (thankfully) stopped just at the edge instead of plummeting into his lap.

Being 10, we loved it...barfing AND an extra break-time while they cleared up the mess, and possibly heated the potato with some grated cheese and beans.
(SpookTheHamster, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:13, Reply)

Apologies for length (the girth is what's important)
1: After a nice day's bike riding, I was playing on the Dreamcast and thought to myself "I feel a little funny" I went downstairs for a glass of water and as soon as I got into the kitchen I vomited....it hit the open lid of the toilet bowl (over 10 feet away) and was bounced back, pebble-dashing my entire bathroom with chunder.

2: I don't know why I took this further than it needed to go...I blame insanity. One day in the long, boring holidays after my GCSEs I decided (as you do) to fizz up some milk in the Soda-stream. After cleaning around the machine I prepared myself for my wonderful drink, fit for gods....I thought I was doing excellently, until I realised the third mouthful was coming UP, not going down.

Later in the day, and I still have a large quantity of fizzy milk left, I'm also feeling a little hungry. So I decide (as you do, again) to boil the milk and make a Pot-Noodle. Words cannot describe the feeling of a carbonated noodle being swallowed...Only to return moments later in a bid for freedom into my sink.
(SpookTheHamster, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 22:02, Reply)

i win (worst vomit)
In college i woke up the night after a party. I felt shitty so I downed a pitcher of water and headed off to my german class. About halfway through I started to feel sick so I went to the bathroom...I decided I was going to have to get out of there so I went back to the room got my stuff and snuck out...I kept thinking to myself...I can make it to my car, don't hurl in the middle of campus while everyone is watching...so I finally made it to my car and began the drive to my apartment when I couldn't take it. I hurled all over myself in the car as I was driving. I caught the horrified glimpses of drivers passing as I puked up pitchers of vomit in my lap, trying to control the car as I'm speeding down the road. Eventually I made it home. As for the car, I poured a bottle of Febreeze in the driver's seat. Good as new.
(rocketsloth, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 21:53, Reply)

Not me but my friend.
This was a long time ago, after a night out celebrating new year. A couple of my mates crashed out in the lounge after some celebrating in the local pub. Well during the night one of them left a rather chunky pile of technicolour yawn next to the sofa, and in the morning promptly blamed it on the hamster. After pointing out to him that the pile of sick was about ten times the size of the hamster and that anyway the hamster was 10 miles away anyway, he duly puked all over the microwave. Nice.
( Coctail, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 21:48, Reply)

Bedford College
Years ago, when it used to be called Manda College, I was in the library at Bedford College in the area between the two sets of double doors and 'bleurgh!'. Well, that was me, after eating soggy rolls and a 'gold' bar. Some guy made me mop it all up, and I was feeling rotten as hell. He probably thought I was a piss-head. I wonder if it still stinks of sick?
( Coctail, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 21:42, Reply)

A related tale
This is actually my friends sad tale, though i was there.

We went out, got sauced and staggered back to hers where we crashed. Suz felt a bit poorly during the night and being a lazy moo, plus not wanting to step on me (on the floor) she lifted the nearest receptacle and vomited away.

All was well and we decided to go out again the next night, and Suz opened her handbag in the pub...
(treehugger anti-everything, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 21:23, Reply)

Once I vomited over 14 feet
apologies for length
(Sir Tomalot: Don't look at my profile, you'll go blind, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 18:20, Reply)

Humiliation with carrots in
It's not often that I vomit through drink, so I can remember nearly all of said events with horrible clarity. Having said that, this is the one I will truly never forget.

I went to a Tesco's Christmas party at the tender age of 17... for some reason it was being held at a really nice 5 star hotel - not the sort of place you expect to house a room full of drunken till-tarts and grocery boys but there you go. I found myself sitting at the 'younger employees' table and, being a whole year older than most, I took it upon myself to 'show them how to drink'.

Twat.

During the wine guzzling, I had to help a poor girl outside as she vomited all over the carpark. I rang her parents, put my coat around her and waited for them to pick her up. When she was safely on her way, I walked back to the party puffed up with my responsible attitude and as if to prove this new found maturity, I 'downed' a pint of red wine.

Twat twat twat.

The next thing I remember, I'm standing in the foyer of this classy hotel surrounded by 100 of my workmates and superiors. We were all waiting for the coach to turn up, so I put on my coat and absent-mindedly wipe my mouth as I yawn. Time freezes - It seems the sick girl I had galatanly helped home had also wiped her mouth... wiped it whilst wearing my coat. I had just ran an arm of someone elses crusty sick past my open mouth - I panicked, I wobbled, it was too late. Some flakes had crumbled onto my tongue and the sensation was terrifying. Vomit ran screaming into my cheeks and as I pushed through the crowd to get to the exit I slipped, tumbled and throatfuls of hot, red , angry sick splashed onto the marble floor.

Every single person I worked with had to step past my curled body and through my nightmarish redecoration of the lobby and I later heard that the store manager had to agree to pay the damages before anyone could leave.

Still, it could have been worse. As one of the instore cleaners brilliantly put it: "You could've shit yourself"
( moonjam, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 17:57, Reply)

I was actually ill, to be fair
Both times, in fact. First one I was watching some film about knights, feeling really crap, and foolishly thought a curry and a few beers wouyld make me feel better (curry is my magic medicine). It gets to the climax of the film, emotions are running high, and I have to dash off to the bog to throw up my lovely lovely curry. Rice isn't the nicest thing to bring up... and of course it looked exactly the same as it did when I ate it, which put me off eating it for a while.
Second story now, I was just about to start college and was doing some drama auditions. I was feeling really rotten once again, but I was so determined to get a part I battled on. Cue me fluffing nearly every line, descending into a mumble and nearly passing out. After the ordeal was finished, I went to get a drink and hopped on the bus back home. I hate buses at the best of times, but this ride was really bumpy, and the only drink available at my college was fizzy fruity stuff... not good. Once I got off the bus, I managed to leg it to my door, struggle to open it, throw up all the way along the hall until I got to the toilet, finish off, head into the lounge and pass out on the sofa. My poor brother came home to find everything exactly as I left it, and cleared up the nice tropical fruit scented vom :) As for the audition? I got one line in the play. Turns out I had glandular fever, and I ended up missing so much work I had to drop out of college anyway. Ah well.
( useful_idiot, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 17:03, Reply)

cat+puke=carnage
My worst vomit was not, amazingly, alcohol-related, as it happened when i was about 5. I was feeling a little queasy, as children do from time to time. Unfortunately my cat happened to be passing at the time. Cue one panicking puke-covered cat leaving a trail of carrots in its wake as it flees my carroty bombardment...
(cybersquatter_, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 17:02, Reply)

Taboo and Ham chunder
Last day of school and a large group of us go down the park at lunchtime, via the offie at Fine Fare where we purchase numerous bottles of the drink du jour for 1990 - Taboo.
Back at school, sitting in the sixth form common room and one of our number decides to chuck up. Taboo-riddled vom and chunks of ham fucking everywhere but she's too pissed to clean it up so the rest of us have to pick out regurgitated meat and stomach lining from under the buttons you get on those plasticy-vinyl upholstered chairs.
The merest whiff of Taboo these days and I'm retching like a good 'un.
( Sausagegirl, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 16:55, Reply)

VOMIT
they are all bad.

but the worst ones are the ones when you wake up and your head is stuck to the pillow.

but at least you actually woke up.
(cybo, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 16:42, Reply)

Another night ruined...
Having consumed several pints of low grade lager and half a gram of even lower grade amphetamine on new years eve many moons ago, I decided a quick visit to the lavvie was what was needed to rid me of the rising nausia.

Unfortunately, as always happens in situations like this, I didn't quite get there quick enough and some poor, finely dressed girl happened to step into the jetstream as I projectiled through my fingers.

According to close friends of hers, such was the ferocity of the unprovoked bile attack that she didn't get a chance to see the perpetrator and is unaware to this day as to whom ruined the party of the year for her. Apparently, she went home and had no less than three showers claiming it felt like she'd been raped. I duly hang my head in shame.

I'm not even going to start on about the time when low grade pills made me crap my pants in the queue to a superclub once.

Listen kids, don't do drugs. They're not big and they're not clever.
(G P Enius & Eureka! Lottovitt Not to be sniffed at!, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 16:29, Reply)

Recall Another One
The scene is the infamous freshers week, and on this particular saturday, I had overconsumed on the night before (incident involving 15 Southern Comforts, still managing to discuss politics then passing out cold on the nightclub floor). My flatmates were nice enough to get me home. Bless them.

This saturday, its the freshers fair, where all the new fresh faced freshers get to join clubs and the like, and basically find their "clique".
The rugby club, as a rugby club is want to do, decided to give away free shots of tequila to tempt people into joining. I had no intention of doing so, but this is the point I had a stroke of genius. Hair of the Dog! I'll feel much better once I've had a tequila salt n lemon. Down it goes. Grin. Sway. Go Pale.

Next thing I know I'm moving very quickly through the crowded hallway with a mouth full of sick dribbling from the edges of my mouth, leaving a little trail. But it hadn't escaped totally. Just outside the main hall, I found a cardboard box open, and went for it. Since I already had a good mouthful, the second blast was a torrent.

The Box was full of little dolmio pots that were to be given away in goodie bags somewhere.

Shame really.
(NoMoreFaith can believe its not bloody butter, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 15:49, Reply)

a few weeks ago
been to my graduation ceremony, then spent the next twelve hours drinking solidly. I managed to get so drunk I couldn't even work my mobile (i just kept pressing the buttons, and eventually got a reply from my mate saying "STOP SENDING ME BLANK TEXTS!").

the next morning was fine, had a cup of tea and some beans on toast, then got on the bus from leicester all the way to hull. I slept until nottingham where we had to change.

Got off the bus, immediateley got that "i can feel it climbing up my throat" feeling, and decided i should find a toilet. Signs weren't in abundance, so I thought about asking someone. Realising that as soon i as i opened my mouth it was going to go all over them, I just ran for a corner, mouth filling up with sick, dribbling out of the sides all over my hand. Opened my mouth, and ralphed all the way up this chocolate vender, narrowly missing a family of four (to cries of "aw fucking hell, my suitcase").

wandered around town with my hand and shirt covered in vomit until i found a mcdonalds to wash myself in.

then had a big mac. marvellous.
(rnuk http://flickr.com/rnuk, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 14:50, Reply)

In Amsterdam in 2001...
At about 7 in the morning, my girlfriend and I were on our way home from a fairly hectic night out dancing like crazy peepel. I was driving so I'd eased up on my intake a few hours previously, but my g/f had necked a little feller at about 6 and was coming up..

I needed petrol so pulled into a garage and stopped by the pumps. An attendant appeared beside the car, just as my girlfriend opened her door, leant out and vomited all over his shoes.

I immediately drove away.
( Three Dog Man, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 14:44, Reply)

It has to be this time last year....
*Sorry about the length*

On the final night of Leeds festival last year I found myself with just over a litre of the lowest quality ASDA Smart-price Vodka (or similar). Feeling that going home with any left would be a defeat and would reflect on me as a man I brought some cheap cola mixer and started drinking at about 11ish.

For the rest of the night I partied with friends and who ever else I met sipping this vodka-coke bile untill it all went into a bit on a blur.

I woke up still drunk and not feeling too well. I managed to pack up my tent and things, wrap my self up in a blanket and started the 2-3 mile walk to the lift home with a mate and his mum.

We stopped off just outside leeds at a service station Berger-king and cornershop combo on steroids. (lots of people, shouting kids, bright lights, noise)

I Staggered into the cornershop part to get some energy food to give me the stregth to get home. What I should of brought was a small bottle of water. What i did buy was a large pink milkshake (yazoo or similar) and some Haribo.
NOTE: when hungover NEVER buy pink milkshake and Haribo.
After downing the milkshake and eating some haribo sour mix we stated driving again.

After stressing the fact that i was fine and was only tired (i can never admit being drunk, stoned or hungover when asked)I startyed to get the hot sick feeling.

All I remember now is the car screeching from the fast lane to the hard shoulder, me opening the door (not even undoing the seat belt) leaning out and what seemed like a gallon of warm sticky bright pink vomit splashing onto the concrete acompanied by honking car horns of passing motorists.



Felt fine after that, even finished the haribo.
(Ash_Pow is now available in extra medium, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 14:28, Reply)

Tenerife 1997, 21st Birthday.
I wouldn't so much call this a bad vomit - to this day I am very very proud of it.

Been out on the piss all night with the tour company and in the last club I was hauled up on stage as it was my birthday. I was presented with a pint of this...this...well fuck knows what it was but it was orange at the bottom and red at the top. After downing this and dancing a bit longer we left and went to the burger van for a burger. Feeling a bit queasy I thought a tuna roll would be a good option, obviously not. Within seconds of the first bite hitting my stomach it decided it wanted to re-appear so I made a bee line for the nearby bushes, however, my mate grabbed hold of me "Where the fuck are you going?!" he asked...too late. I managed to projectile vomit over the burger van, the tables and chairs, Tara the quite delightful rep and my mate. The bushes remained unsoiled.

Felt much better after that so went for a McDonalds (not wanting to ask the rather unhappy Burger Van owner for anything) and managed to vom everywhere in McDonalds too.

This still remains a talking point to this day.
( Benny Tied To A Tree As much use as Anne Frank's drumkit, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 11:48, Reply)

Mo
its not sutcha good story but i woke up at 7,30 in the morning and felt a little ill so i took some sick pills and that dident work cause i puked of them and then i tryd to sleep and went up puking like 2 mins again :P
(Devlin Aka DJEllen, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 10:46, Reply)