A bar in Edinburgh
with my girlfriend and I started feeling a little worse for wear, so in my drunken state I started to make my way to the toilets which just happen to be up a flight of stairs, I then proceded to throw up all over them, continued up the stairs and filled the toilets with sick. After I had emptyed my stomach I left the toilet to see my girlfriend at the bottom of the stairs nursing a sick covered broken arm. She had come on her way to see if I was alright and slipped on the puke covered stairs!
(Inazuma, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:37, Reply)

Beret good
When she was little, my younger sister used to go to a school which was about a 45 minute drive away, down bendy country roads. One of the mums on the school run had a BMW, that always left her feeling a little worse for wear at the end of the drive.

One morning, it all got a bit too much and she realised that she was about to throw. Too shy to pipe up and ask to stop the car, and also scared she would damage the leather seats she was sliding across in the back, she whipped off her red beret from her head (part of the school uniform) and filled it to the brim with sick. Bless.
(pointyearedpixie, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:33, Reply)

I puked over my mum.
I really did laugh a huge fizzy narco sick on me mum.

In 1989 E land.

She don't love me no more.

(although I love her)
(Fonkadelix is fucking bored, pass the crack pipe Mavis., Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:31, Reply)

Wank your sick
I used to be in a band that toured regularly across Europe. Booze filled drug fests were frequent. We delighted in inventing catchy slogans and monikers for every situation or person that we came across. Such a fate befell a 'new recruit' trombone player we hired for a French tour. He was plied with 2 bottles of Vodka (as part of his initiation into the Horn Section). We had made him share a room with our drummer (a bit of a loner). The new recruit was found naked on the floor the following morning with vomit all over his cock and balls. As you can imagine, the first catchy slogan that popped into our sordid minds was that he had 'wanked his sick'. This was later changed to 'Sick your wank' etc etc and down.
(Don Baba, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:21, Reply)

Vomming on the job
Short and sweet really. Highly bladdered on the old wife beater and had managed to pull a girl from Redditch (not very hard) She had a double water bed and I got sick very quickly. I vomited all over her face whilst I was conkers deep but she didn't care and wiped it off and told me to carry on. Feeling much better, and still maintaining wood, I carried on. Oh, and a girl puked on my dick once after I'd coughed my filthy youghurt in her mouth.
(Man Worm, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:19, Reply)

Birthday Chunder
This story revolves around my 21st birthday - normally an auspicious day but one forever associated with chunder now...our story begins with a few lunchtime drinkies (nowt too heavy) before progressing onto a bottle of southern comfort as a precursor to a meal then more drinkies. Still feeling ok tho. Meal time comes and me and about 10 mates all end up going to a fairly cheap italian place with lots of wine consumed. It bwas just as the mains had been delivered that the chunder rose...faced with the prospect of squeezing between friends (as the tables were long trestle things)or jumping over the table to reach the bog, I took the only sensible option...and was promptly sick between my legs (miraculously missing me but making an interesting stain on the floor). Totally ratted by this point, time comes to leave and a mate decides to take me home...hear the waiters bemoaning people spilling pizza and not telling them about it (didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't pizza). Eventually got home and was promptly sick in my new suede boots...yup, a birthday present (pretty crappy admittedly!). I'll tell you another time about a mate who ended up going to a girl's house that night and getting COVERED in chiuaua poo...
(ruttiger, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:19, Reply)

Eleven pints of water....
After a night of heavy drinking, I beleive it was a russian or stock market themed night in halls, I was rather hammered. My 1st year medic friend decided to try and sober me up by drinking water.....

He then went on to make me drink 11 pints of water, as you may well know the stomach can hold about 3-4 pints of liquid. So about the 4th pint I was sick, pretty horrible booze related type. My friend then made me drink pint after pint of water, I seem to recall being sick after downing every pint. By the end of it I was vomiting cold water, and my stomach felt cold but strangely clean (and I had sobered up quite a lot)

Apparently the original plan was to make me down 10 pints in 30minutes, but because I was doing so well he went for an 11th. I managed it in 28 minutes.

PS
for you americans, a british pint is larger than a US pint by about 20% :]
(gerg, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:12, Reply)

Strips of sick
It was my 19 birthday, my first as a student living away from home, and I skived lectures and started early with a bottle of Turbo White all to myself. Deciding, quite sensibly I thought, that I needed to have something to eat to soak up the excess of alcohol that I was due to have (in addition to the Turbo White, obviously) I scarfed down a plate of spaghetti really quickly, then away to the pub for an evening of mixing Tia Maria and Coke with Guinness and Black. Mmmmmm, nice combo...

On returning (rather early) to my student room, I found myself feeling rather sick. In the dark I found my way to the sink that's obligatory in student rooms and chundered copiously. Then, I staggered back to bed, falling into an alcoholic coma until the following morning.

Going to the sink in the morning, hoping that brushing my teeth might get rid of the shite that the beer monster had deposited in my gob, I discovered that it had become blocked with regurgitated whole strings of spaghetti, holding back a sinkful of black frothy liquid. Cleaning up your own sick with a hangover is not pleasant, even less so when it comes in strings.

Note to self - must chew food better...
(Oolong, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:06, Reply)

Methadone spew
Many years ago, having acquired a little bit of a smack habit, I was put on a methadone script. Methadone is nasty stuff and it disagreed with me big-time.

One day a colleague gave me a lift home in her brand new VW Polo. The one she was really proud of. As soon as we got in the car she started rattling on about how her driving often made people feel sick... I held it in as long as could. Then I sprayed a fountain of vom all over the interior of her new car.

We cleared up as much as possible with one of those shammy-leather demister pad things, then drove the rest of the way in silence with the windows open. She didn't give me a lift again, not becuase of the spew, but because I got the sack soon afterwards for meth-induced falling asleep at my desk.
( Safetyfox, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 14:04, Reply)

Hmmmm...
My mate Nick stayed over my house in the spare room the one night after a heavy night drinking. I woke up in the morning and knocked his door to see if he was awake. He moaned something from the bed and I looked down on the floor where had neatly folded and piled all his clothes, including his pants on top.
He had managed to spew over the entire pile and completely covered his shreddies.
Another time i phoned my brother to pick me up from town (waking him up in the process) as we couldnt get a taxi. On the way home i felt sick and tried to swallow it, but it sprayed through my fingers all over the back of the poor bastards head. my bad.
( DumbMonkey The penis mightier than the sword, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:57, Reply)

'Twas just the other night
I went round to a friends house the other night for dinner. Dinner transpired to be 2 fried eggs on toast, hardly sufficient for a fat got like myself. Anyway, 1.5 bottles of red wine and many spliffs later, I left her house to get the train home.

The motion of the train started to bring on the bork, so I passed out for a while, but this didn't help, I woke up sweaty and iller. I tried, in vain, to empty a carrier bag to vom into, but couldn't, and projectiled about 3 foot forward. In first class. Onto the carpet. Fortunately there was only one person in the carriage, and she was sat behind me. I finished emptying my stomach, gathered my things and left, feeling the utter disgust of the woman in the carriage burning into my back.

I commute every day, and noticed, 2 days later, a rather fetching reddis stain on the floor in first class.

Better out than in!
(Mong-the-Merciful, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:57, Reply)

Un booze related
but was skating (boarding)at the Shell centre in London last year and was getting quite good at Ollieing (jumping) down alot of steps. 11 in fact. (oooo aren't you good?) Well no actually because I came off backwards cracking my head on the pavement. V hard. To the point that I lost consciousness. I woke up with a rubber neck brace and two paramedics over my. I had vomited white puke/bile and had been out for about 3 hours. I couldn't speak and it was horrible. If you have seen the skate video "Sorry" by Flip ans the section where I think it is Arto Sarri then it was much like that.
( theWooinator, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:57, Reply)

Inappropriate puking
I am the king of inappropriate spewing. Some of my most memorable have been:

- Running to the toilet in my old office (long walk) but only managing to get as far as my bosses desk and having to puke in his plastic bin. Whilst on the phone to a customer. Loud! Humiliation came in when he made me walk the dripping bin bag to the bins outside, when I got to the door he shouted out of the first floor window 'That blokes got a bag of sick' to all the smokers, somehow made me sick again. Ooops
- Having a bad hangover the other week, pulling into a layby and spewing everywhere as soon as I exited the car. Didn't notice the police car behind me (nothing happened luckily!)
- On the same morning as above, got sick on my shoes and trod it into the car. Said car was on loan from my boss as mine was dead, and was on the way to his house to drop it off - 'Who the fuck's puked in my Saab'
- Another morning hangover, this time midweek, Chairman was over on his bi-monthly visit from the USA, forgot, puked in the nearest bog (his bog, personal, private, and since then very smelly) 'Who's been sick in my toilet?'
- Puking in my Dad's wellies when I was about 14, they were on the step underneath my bedroom window
- Know the posh black Westminster City Council Public Toilet signs? Used to work in the graphics company who designed them, puked tea and orange juice on the first pilot batch
- Recording a puke session on my dictaphone and playing it back through my surround sound system. Neighbours heard. One mentioned he liked the 'Oh fuck' whine just before the biggest rush!

Many more but I'm bored now!
( pattwat, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:53, Reply)

The Vomit Avenger
As a kid, 10 miles into the journey back to Scotland from a holiday in Scarborough my sister puked on my head as I inocently slept.
If this wasn't bad enough it was very hot and we where in a 1978 Hillman Avenger with vinyl seats. The seats cooked the vomit on impact and amplified the smell x10.
My hair was bleeched blonde by the vom' by the time it was cleaned off.
(cort16, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:52, Reply)

Birthday Drinks
Some years ago I went out for a lunchtime birthday drink. In total I had about 6 or 7 beers plus a couple of large vodkas. I felt this was about as much as I dared drink at lunchtime. Unfortunately, my total twunt colleagues had put a double vodka in each beer AND encouraged me to drink the beer through a straw. The combination of spicy food and chain-smoking masked the taste. I knew I was in trouble as we walked back to work. By the time I sat down at my desk I could only just walk and headed (lurched) for the disabled bog (the only smart thing I did that day). I can't remember much of what followed except that my twunt colleagues LEFT ME TO DIE. I have a memory of necking water from the tap and vomting hugely again and again and again....I next remember walking (lurching) and puking around the town later in the afternoon and I'm amazed I wasn't arrested for D&D or hit by cars or something. I do remember holding the thought that I MUST walk it off so I lurched and then walked around the town for about 2 hours until I was straight enough to return to the office. I wasn't sober enough to go home until late in the evening.......TWUNTS!!!!!!
(gobbo, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:44, Reply)

Ah, the fun.
Heavy nights drinking with friend, friend lets me kip in his parents house spare room. Wake up the next morning with the pre-vom and know that I won't make it to bathroom.

Open window and hurl immediately. I hurl for quite a long time. I open eyes to see that I have just pebbledashed a very nice looking conservatory in sick.

Friends parents were having breakfast in it at the time. Was not invited back.
(Speculum, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:43, Reply)

Sick-filled pants...
A friend of mine (we'll call him Dave, for that is his name) fell asleep, trousers down, on the crapper after a heavy sesh' on the 'falling-down water'. He awoke to find he'd puked in his trollies!
(minimalist ..., Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:42, Reply)

The wardrobe incident.
Being fond of the booze when I was 17, I went out to a friend's party/gig. The guy had hired his own hall for his band to play in and invited his friends, and he provided booze. After a lot of beers we decided it was time for a wine race (there were loverly boxes of cheap wine. Mmmm.) and started to chug that down too. Then it was cigar time and we staggered off to the nearest pub for a packet of hamlet.

After a trip home in the car with my friend's dad laughing at me all the way, I stumbled through the front door into my parents place. My dad obviously heard me fall up the stairs because he came in and said "If you're going to be sick, make sure you go to the bathroom". I insisted i would be fine, opened up my wardrobe to hang my coat up and projectile vomited all over all of my clothes.
It was awesome.
Beat that!
(Nursie, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:41, Reply)

Purple spew.... mk2
Goldfish bowls are bad news. Particularly when the cocktail is called 'purple rain'.

I did not find it funny when my boyfriend sung purple rain at me as I created a bit of my own purple rain outside Unicorn in Chorlton.
(moo_girl, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:34, Reply)

Purple spew
A couple of summers ago whilst in Vienna my friend and I stayed at a youth hostel where we shared our room with one young normal person and one old (65ish) american lady.

We went out and drank an appropriate amount of beer followed by red wine followed by peach schnapps. My friend crawls off to bed while I stay in the bar. A bit later I head off to bed but can't get into the room as my friend has taken the key. I knock for a while then fall asleep/pass out in the corridor.

I wake up some time later when the old lady opens the door and says 'i think your friend needs some help'. At this point I notice I'm covered in my own vomit. How did that happen? I then go into the room and see the glorious sight of my mate lying on the top bunk completely bollock naked (exposing himself to the old lady) with a very neat pile of dark red/purple vomit next to his head.

Normally I would have left him like that and crashed out but the old lady seemed to be expecting me to do something. I had to clean him up. He still owes me a very big favour.
(moo_girl, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:32, Reply)

Dirty cow
We live in New York and after going to see an appartment last Sunday decided to get pissed up after in a Jamaican bar....a few glasses of champagne and some mad ginger rum drink and my beautifull wife was steaming....anway on the train back to manhattan she loving nuzzled on my shoulder for a while.....then it went warm on my back....there was fucking loads of it....ginger fizzy onion puke...all down my back....on a packed train.....Nasty!!!
(cheekybleeder, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:24, Reply)

Twice as nice...
Whilst a spewdent (sic), I was well known for enjoying a good vom after investing £10s of pounds in booze. My own personal favourite came when I decided to take on a bottle of red aftershock. About £30 later, the lot was evacuated into a nearby pint glass. Furious that I should waste so much money, I promptly decided to try and regain my evenings investment by downing the new cocktail in the pint glass. It stuck in my stomach for approximately a minute before the sprinklers came on, disturbingly close to the dance floor.
( timothycrippins, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:18, Reply)

Shit and Vomit
Some years ago I was struck down by typhoid in Cambodia. As it happens, (and before I knew I had typhoid), I went out to dinner with a bunch of people. Although I felt in full control of my senses (clearly I was in the grip of a high fever), one of the people I was with kept saying that I looked awful. I was annoyed and insulted. Later that evening (having gone to bed with my girlfriend) I awoke, desperately needing to vomit. The house we were sharing had a bathroom with 2 doors. Unfortunately the one I needed was locked. Quickly I collapsed in a frenzy of shit and vomit, gushing from both ends. I was very ill. Clearly I was making loud retching (or is it reaching?) noises, as one of the people we were sharing a house with came into our room. The floors were wooden and they had not noticed the vomit and liquid faecal matter all over the floor. They slipped and knocked themselves unconscious, while successfully covering themselves in my anal seapage and puke. My girlfriend awoke at this stage...I wonder what her initial thoughts were?
(Don Baba, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:15, Reply)

work party
not so long ago (let hope know-one here knows me from there), i was dared by my boss to down a bottle of wine, which i did, in about 5 seconds. we headed on to watch the croatia-england match, at the work bar, and i drank alot more (free bar) and chatted drunkenly to a very nice girl. wonder off to take a piss, feel the need to eject bottle of wine. so, wilst pissing in the urinal (one of those individual ones, rather than a wall/gutter combo) i chundered into it, a huge amount of very red vom. my aim was somehow perfect, and it all went in, but ever inch of said urinal is now red. pleased with myself, i zip up, wash my mouth out and head back to girl. come back about 20 mins later for another piss and 2 lads are stood there admiring my handywork. thought it best not to own up...

no appologies for length, my gf (girl mentioned above actually) tells me its what you do with it that counts
(5lab, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:07, Reply)

We like talking about bodily functions on B3ta, don't we?
I remember this one, not sure if it counts, it was a while back, I had only recently "Discovered" the b3ta site, I had not even signed up to the newsletter yet. I should point out here that I am the sort of person who only very rarely vomits, you would be lucky to get one vomit from me a year! Anyway I was ill one day in bed, lying there with my laptop, browsing this site, I had just watched the Partick Moore animation, when I felt that I had to to go to the bogitary, I went through and I suddenly felt the urge to vomit, there I was, over the beady, vomiting away, with the Patrick Moore song looping in my head, what a surreal experience that was!
( Squiggy Alloria makes theme parks., Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:04, Reply)

Hidden hamster vomit
Ok, so i'm the one who always seems to end up with my head down the pan at parties, and this was no exception... we had arrived at the party late and all the other 16 year olds there were already passing out, so i went to the kitchen and grabbed the only bottle of alcohol that was left... a bottle of white lightning!

For a laugh i decided to drink it from the house hold kettle and a few hours later i was running to the bathroom, however one girl was already vomiting in the toilet, so next port of call was the bath. Now i don't remember much else which is why when somebody asked me where the hamster cage had come from that was floating in my vomit i didn't have an answer... more importantly i thought, where is the hamster! We began to search the bathroom with no results when the hamsters owner burst through the door about to kill me for drowning his hamster in puke. At that moment there was a twitch in my jacket.... it had been in my pocket all along... oh how we laughed!
(pleasedeletemeplease, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 13:04, Reply)

Few Years back
On my mums birthday there was so much food and I put it to myself to try a huge chunk of everything. As I found later that night, it hadn't been such a good idea and I literally crawled up to bed, threw the covers on the floor, vomed brown goo and promptly fell asleep beside it
(Chiligrrl WHERE'S MAH DUBLOONS, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 12:58, Reply)

More just a thought I often have when spewing in the morning
"What did I drink that was bright yellow?"

"Oh yeah, It's my stomach lining"
( gronkpan @vomitinglarry.bsky.social, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 12:58, Reply)

mmm.... chilled
once at a rather tipsy barbecue fest, had a little too much wine and meths and was ordered to fetch some more burgers from the freezer. I don't actually recall what apparently happened next but my friends assured me about thirty minuytes later when I hadn't returned they found me asleep at the freezer with my hands trapped in the door - it was one of those chest-type freezers and I had vomited quite prodigously into it. needless to say I wasn't invited back and kept off the meths from then on...
(jinglebellsmotherfucker, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 12:57, Reply)

Dirty pints...
Seeing a mate on his 21st consume the dirty pint we gave him and try keep it down. He staggered off to the toilet and released his vom en-route. Unfortunately this happened to be over 2 women who promptly burst into hysterical screaming and crying... whilst I sat there pissing myself laughing.
(DrGonzo, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 12:54, Reply)