Ugh, puke...
Sweet jayzuz, but I do vomit far too often. As an adult I've been prone to spewing from various medical thingies I have going on, often migranes, which are almost always relived by a good puke. When drinking, the urping is usually just a way to make room for more booze.

However, as a child I'd chip for no apparent reason at all, and I'd do it all the time. I was notorious for blowing chunks in a very dramatic and public manner at least once a year, every fucking year through school. Desks, assemblys, plays, you name it -- I barfed there. So much trauma was borne of these incedents that I drew a comic of one such time for a class last year:

Click for make more readable, yes?
( Propaganda Monkey, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 8:39, Reply)

one day,
I was really sick, everywhere, and in the toilet.
( smello, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 8:01, Reply)

poor dad
My mates 18th. He'd been out every night for a whole week, getting lashed every day. This was friday, the 5th day of consecutive getting-pissed. After wayyy too many beers, he came home and felt rather sick. He had the "feck, im going to be sick. i need a bathroom within 5 seconds or its going to go everywhere" feeling. Fortunately he was in his house next to the downstairs toilet. Unfortunately someone was in it. He tried to leg it upstairs but never made it - his dad spent the next few hours cleaning up the trail of puke running up the stairs, along the landing and into the bathroom. Isn't it a bugger when you're bursting and someones on the loo? :p
(tze, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 7:54, Reply)

kids eh?
When I was 2 my parents took me on holiday to Germany. There was a wedding at the hotel that we were staying at, and , even though we weren't from the area, the bride and groom kindly invited us to their reception. I was a pretty cute baby and when the bride saw me, she asked my mother if she could have her picture taken with me, as she thought it would be nice to have a picture of herself in her full wedding gear holding a very cute, fat baby.
Unfortunately, what with all the people passing me to each other ( bear in mind I had just drink a bottle of milk), by the time I got to the bride I was violently sick all over her, completely ruining her dress...and, quite possibly the happiest day of her life.
I wonder whether they are still married? Or whether that bride ever got over a fat baby spewing all over her dress?
(lard-tastic, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 6:43, Reply)

new years eve
for 2004. It was the first (and last) time I drank straight Absynth. Apparently, I was checking to see how much money I had in my wallet when I was sick - right in my wallet. Completely unphased, I folded my sicky wallet back up, put it in my pocket then calmly bumped my way into the bog to finish off my business!

Can't remember where I spent the £20 note, but I remember the 2p coins smelling really fucking nasty - you know, like old copper and barf.
(neillyb, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 0:20, Reply)

Clean it up!
Last October, I was invited to someone's 18th birthday bash, so of course I went. Now, I don't drink very often, but I can drink a pint pretty quick, so whenever I went to the bar, it was only a couple of minutes before my drink was gone. 3 hours and 10 (maybe 11) pints later, I'm in the taxi that I ordered before I left, and felt fine after the ride. I walked (in a straight line, no less, because I didn't really feel pissed) into my dad's house, and made myself a glass of water, and that's when I needed an enormous crap. So, I rushed to the bathroom, and went about spraying the bowl. I sat there for a few minutes because I couldn't be arsed wiping up just yet, but after a bit, I knew I was gonna barf. So, instead of standing up then, and turning around gracefully, I waited until it was about to happen, span around vomiting all over the bathroom, and sprayed half of what was left all over the seat.

That's not quite it though. As I mentioned earlier, I was feeling rather lazy, so I didn't want to clean up. As I was on my own, I just lay on the floor amongst the vomit (which had big lumps of sausage from the casserole I had before I left) and waited about half an hour for my dad and his girlfriend to return. When they came in, I pulled my pants up (they were quite soggy, unfortunately) so that it would be decent for me to summon them in. They came in, saw what I had done, and my dad said "Oh that was silly" in a particularly daddish manner. His girlfriend then helped me into bed, leaving my dad to clean up my alcohol fuelled, sausage filled spew! Haha!
(Keiths Dad, Sat 21 Aug 2004, 0:11, Reply)

vom-mower
When i was 15, and spending the evening drinking Spar 'Imperial' vodka at the bandstand was my idea of fun, i over did it with my friend's bottle of absinthe that he'd bought on a school trip to paris. The bandstand happened to be directly in front of a home for the terminally ill, so it was pretty quick before the police were called and we were moved on.

After Auto-piloting my way home, extending the 25min walk to one of an hour, i decided that i should try and sober-up before facing my parents. I sat in my garden bench, head between my knees with a growing pile of bile on the grass. When i felt i had nothing left in me a placed an upturned bucket over the vom and made my way up to my room. After a final vomit out of my sky-light window i went to sleep feeling that all was over.

A week later the sound of the lawnmower starting up jogged my memory of the night abd i rushed outside. i managed to signal my father to stop the mower before he moved the vom-bucket to carry on mowing. i then took over the mowing- having to descreetly remove the bucket and repeatedly mow and mash the chunks of sick into the turf.
(cuddy, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:58, Reply)

Easy
About 18 years ago (can that be right ...!?!?) I was playing some drinking game with a bunch of people using some dreadful combinations of stuff. As far as I can guess, the whiskey caused the Advocaat and the Malibu & milk to mix and curdle in my stomach. In the early hours of the morning I had to step over sleeping bodies to throw up yellow super-sticky vomit out of the window.

Four weeks later, through wind and rain (this was Wales, after all) this lump of stuff persisted outside the window. I think the last traces took about 3 months to clear.

I considered calling NASA to see if they were interested ....
( wonko the sane, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:48, Reply)

VOMIT
When i was 17, we went to the local pub, in a small village in bedfordshire, drank 5 pints. quite pissed. at abotu 10:15 the landlords son joined us, so we stayed for a lock in, 3 more pints later we all decided to ahve a comfy jacks (2x sothern comfort, 2x jack daniels, necked in one) after a few pint this seamed like a good idea so only me and my mate did, my mate took one sip and didnt have anymore, i put it straight down the hatch, 1/4 of an hour later anotehr friend was making sure i didn't choke on vomit, the stomach cramps were so bad i was farting at the same time as puking



An edit, We drink this thing called a sheep dip, 1/2 pint of cider, aadvocat and creme de methe, so far i haven;t gone crazy on it but its only a matter of time since my mate coated the inside of his hallway in green slime (you can add anything else to this concoction) (IT GOES SOILD AFTER ABOUT 15 MINS)
(Bored, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:45, Reply)

Not mine, my mate just signed up and can't post yet.
Kilted Ninja, this one's for you:

Ok so one day, my mates persuade me to go out drinking, (Which I warn you I’m not good at). We were walking along a path in a place near where I live for about 3 hours and I’m getting more and more drunk (on vodka, beer and a whisky and brandy mix a friend made) as time went on. Feeling really worse for wear I fall down on some grass by the side of a road and someone thought it would be funny to pour Boddingtons on me. I felt really sick with accompanying gags and swallowing but nothing would happen, some one suggested I put my fingers down my throat and………Nothing. Later on whilst walking with some (attractive) female friends it happened, I burped and the most fantastic 3 foot projectile vomit came hurling up, Just as said same friends turned round. I still haven’t lived it down.
(underachiever, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:42, Reply)

One Night In Maccy D's...
Being out in Edinburgh aged 16 or so one of my friends felt rather ill. We decided that a quick visit to the McD's on Prince's street to tactical spew would be in order (we were young so it was before the 1 o'clock closing).

My friend was really needing to spew so we ran under the barrier into the upstairs toilets but he failed to get into the cubical and instead began to vomit copiously into the McWash. The automatic washing thingy then squirted soap on my friends head as he leant into the alcove and followed it up with a torrent of warm water and a nice blow dry - giving my vommiting friend an early shower!

I was pissing myself laughing but he got his own back because just as i thought he had finished and i was cleaning the bowl he let out another spray of vom all down the side of my head. I then had to use the "McShower" to clean myself up aswell. All in all a lovely night...
( MrUppity, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:25, Reply)

Not well
Within 3 hours of reaching our campsite in the south of France me and a mate decided it was the best time to get plastered. After a night of heavy drinking and heavy rocking thanks to the local band we decided to head back for sleep. While he was fairly sober i was apparently totally fucked (cant quite remember this part). Anyhow we managed to get back to the caravan where his parents were putting us up for the night (they lived there). At that point i was determined not to make an arse of myself and tryed to act as sober a possible. After a very short chat with his folks i made for the stars leading into the carvan. One step... two steaarrrrggggghhhhhhh. Not only did i manage to fall over but i also BROKE my nose as i landed face first on the floor. Several hours of french hospital later (god help all that are treated there) i finnally got home and got to know the toilet very well.
( Spam Filter Formerly known as Superdude, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 23:24, Reply)

quite a long one, but anyway
in my first year at uni, i got a touch drunk, and had to be escorted to a bus home by one of my friends. the details become a little hazy here... i remember vomiting down myself with some old scouse woman asking me if i was ok... yeah fine love, just vomiting on myself, on the bus. anyway... gets hazy here... i then remember waking up the next day fully dressed, shoes on, lying in bed. i woke up looked around and realised i was missing my wallet and coat, and had a mate's mobile as well as my own. the young man whose phone i had had my coat and a man named trevor who worked in kwiksave 10 miles away had my wallet and rang up my uni. very strange night. still not sure how i got home... or how my wallet ended up 10 miles away in kwiksave.
(Gino Ginelli, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 22:46, Reply)

Not my story
but a concise bit of humor nonetheless. My friend, having drunk too many beers for her own good was happily puking in the bathroom the foamiest of foamies. She look at it and, rather angrily, said "I don't remember drinking foam!"
(subculture, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 22:26, Reply)

Erm, French Frolics...
A couple of years back one of my friends moved away from bright, sunny Aberdeen to boring old Paris. One of our shared friends decided he would go visit and i went along thinking we would all have a ripping time. We did most of the time...

First night out went fairly well, wandering around the suberbs drinking straight vodka bought from a corner store (being able to walk in and buy it when only 16 or something at the time was brilliant). The three of us got merry and the other two ended up pissing on a railway line in a station with other people around, that was good to watch, and only mild vomitting that night :/

The fun part came later in the week when a couple of girls came with us, so logically we bought twice the booze. Problem, me and the lasses realised that straight vodka doesnt taste so good after all, and didnt have much, leaving my two friends to share two 700ml bottles of vodka. See it coming? End result, friend falls over, french police, girls panicking, taken down the station, friend collapses and vomits on police station floor, ambulance, very angry parents next morning. Yay.

One good thing did come of it all tho. Spent the whole of the next day watching monty pithon videos and fetching things for my rather worse for ware friend. Going back in October :)

Apologies for length
(Graz Da Frog, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 22:20, Reply)

Your standard chain reaction vomit, Mexico, and jackass snapshots
When I was in college, my fraternity had this all day party every year and the more hardcore amongst us started it off each time by going out to this river in the morning and killing a keg between us. The rule, in typical moronic fraternity fashion, was that the tap on the keg could never be turned off from start to finish and none could spill, so somebody's cup always had to be being filled. Sounds easy enough if you've got 20 or so guys, but it's not. That's a lot of beer, and coming fast. And I've never been able to chug, funnel, or shotgun beer. It makes me sick (first discovered at age 16 in a horrid chili-cheese-hotdog-spewing-wall-coating incident at a friend's house). So I did my best, but this was on a hangover stomach, too, so it was bound to happen. I walked away from the keg a few steps and roared it all back out again. As I looked up into the eyes of the guy next to me, he had this mildly disgusted/shocked look on his face and I saw him catch a whiff, and then he let loose too, and the guy next to him immediately followed. And the funny part was that there was sort of a delayed reaction after that, maybe 10 or 15 seconds, everybody kind of standing very still and swallowing, but then two more guys puked on the other side of the keg, one after another. It's like the first two guys were done in by the smell and the second two fought valiantly against the visuals but were ultimately defeated. Fantastic! I was proud to have started the ball rolling.

I also just returned from Mexico, where basically all the food and water gives you violent diarrhea and vomit. It's like something huge explodes in your head and comes out both mouth and nostrils like whitewater rapids, accompanied by a horrible grunting, gurgling, liquid shout. The funny thing was that after I was finished, I woke up a couple of times during the night to hear my bunkmates having the identical experience. Normally people puke differently, kind of like how everyone's laugh is different. But whatever this is, it hits everyone the same, and sounds the same coming out. Fun! It happened to another guy at the breakfast table the next morning. With expert reflexes he managed to spin and direct it into a nearby planter.

My other fond puke memory is only in the form of snapshots. A girl who I didn't really like asked me to a concert of a band I did like, so I went. But I determined to have a good time despite her. So I was downing lots of bourbon before the show and snuck a fat flask of it in with me in my boot. Things went downhill very quickly and most of the evening is blank after that. I'm left only with snapshots, which seem to have been punctuated with vomit. Flashhh - Puking on the backs of the people in the row in front of us. Flashhh - on hands and knees on the nice rug in the very non-vomit-appropriate lobby, puking. Somewhere between those two, somebody hit me and I think that's when I lost my glasses. Flashhh - puking on my date in the cab. Flashhh - puking in her front yard. And then nothingness. Hey, at least she never asked me out again after that. That'll teach her.
(kookoobirdz, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 22:16, Reply)

Long Distances
I'd been out on the beer/vodka/beer/vodka for an evening, but managed to stumble home and make it to bed. Lying there, watching the pretty special effects, I decided I needed less liquid in my body.

However, there was a problem. My bed, being in my bedroom, is about as far away from the bathroom as it is possible to get in our house. Deciding, quickly, that there was no way I could make it all that way, I searched for an alternative recepticle.

Ah ha! The laundry basket. Amazingly, the combination of clothes and flimsy basket did manage to keep everything contained (even over night), but it did take weeks to get everything clean again.

Now, the shame... I cant say exactly when this occurred, since the exact same thing has happened about 4 times.
(Damien_The_Unbeliever, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 22:12, Reply)

A few years ago
I was in mid break up with a girlfriend for mutual reasons, we decided to go back to her house for one last shag and a few drinks... we were both very skint so we chipped together and bought cider and lager (VERY BAD IDEA!!!) and proceeded to mix them. The night passed in a strange blur.

The next day I awoke with the WORST hangover ever in the history of man. My ex-girlfirend then shouted up "would you like some egg on toast?". This caused bizzare rumbling sin my stomach and i climbed out of bed and ran to her bedroom window, spew bulging in my mouth and proceeded to vomit ciolently out of the window into the garden below. Still hanging out of thw window, i recovered slightly and noticed one set of neighbours having a family barbeque; all staring up at me and anpother neighbour mowing his lawn and laughing his socks off at my ashen face....

I went back to bed for a few hours. Later, I felt the sickness and decided to avoid the embaressment and make a break for the bathroom downstairs. Halfway down the stairs i felt the bile and vomit in my throat and made a last break for the bathroom door which was closed. I kicked it open and immediately slipped on the bathroom mat, I fell forwards - vomiting everywhere on the mirror, in the bath and all over the floor and myself.
2 seconds later I looked up from my prone position to find myself face to face with my ex- girlfriends father who was calmly taking a shit on the toilet, newspaper dripping spew and the most horrified look on his face!!!!

I never saw my girlfriend or her father ever again after that day!

beat that!
(Kayozz, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 21:50, Reply)

I really, really don't want to tell you this.
Why do you make me tell you this?

OK, I was at a new years party. The party was hosted by really adult people I didn't know, in a country I didn't live in. The hosts had children and things like that and I was still (still am) more in a "drinking is way fun" -period in my life.

At some moment during the evening I started feeling bad. I don't know if it was because of something I ate or something i drank or a combination of the two (I didn't think I was very drunk, but I might be mistaking here). Point is, I started to feel the urge to vomit really bad.

No prob, head discreetly towards the bathroom. Just one minor problem, there is someone in there already. Just another problem, you really are going to throw up in about 10 seconds so think really fast...


The best option seemed to be to vomit silently in the stairway, where the puke could easily be cleaned up. Said and done, open the door and let it rip....

After I had stopped convulsing, the one person I knew at the party came out to look for me and put on the lights. At this time I lifted my head and realised that instead of the stairway of the house, I was in the kids' bedroom. With the kids sleeping in there. Oh, the embarrassment.

What can I say? If you are one of the children and you read this in the future - I really am horribly sorry and will be happy to pay fore part of you therapy.
(janik, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 21:29, Reply)

Not drinking but.....
I went camping with my mates a few weeks ago. I got there the day after the rest of them because i had an orthadontists appointment in the morning. I got there, said hello, ate a pot noodle, and sicked it up straight away, onto the ground. So I scooped it up with a plastic bag, and poured it back into the pot. My ingenious plan was to go around asking if anyone fancied finishing it, but I guess the fact that it reeked of sick might have given me away...
(Anchoivies, anchoivies, you're so delicious, I love you more than all the other fishes., Fri 20 Aug 2004, 21:13, Reply)

About twelve years ago
when my sister was a wee nipper, we planned a family outing and a picnic. It was a lovely day and we all piled in the car, my sister in her car seat and me next to her.

The journey started off very pleasantly, playing eye spy, my sister pointing and laughing at things, when suddenly she went exceptionally quiet.

My mum looked in the rear view mirror and wanted to know what was up with her. My first thoughts was that she had shat herself, but she had this rather peculiar look on her face.

So,I turned to ask her if she was alright when it happened....her head rotated towards me, her jaw open to a 180 degree angle and billious green vomit covered me from head to toe. It spewed out in every direction, covering the back of my mums Talbot Samba and creating a large pool of milky sick in my lap.

I sat in wonderous silence for all of 10 seconds when my stomach gave way and I honked down the back of my mums head and the seat in front of me.

She pulled the car over to the curb, screaming blue murder, mopped up my sister and me as best she could and declared that we were going home. For the rest of the trip we sat in silence, apart from my sister who was happily making slappy hands in the sick on the backs of the seats.

The stench of sick was still lodged in the fabric of that car right up until she sold it.
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 21:13, Reply)

not drunken but..
I was in the car with my cousin about a year ago, cousin being only 4 at the time (that makes her 5 now i guess). Anyway! She was starting to look queazy as we carried on up a long and winding road, when she suddenly looked about ready to burst, when I pointed to the window for her to puke out of, but instead she leant down and neatly puked in the little side pocket of the car door. Nice shot.
I had fun scooping that out.
(panicking_apathy_love_mutilation_for_a_few_weeks_the_fish_were_plentiful, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:58, Reply)

3 for 2
Aged 16 at a party with all my mates aged 15/16 we had way to much beer/alcy pops for the amount of people there. naturally people drunk it all. now out of this group of around 15 people only around 3 which includes me are capable of heavy drinking. at of the 12 remainding people around 8 became paraletic and spewing everywhere, the 5 of us left trying to find sinks/toilets/drains for them to be sick in, i have never smelt something so bad, i bought 3 bottles of freebreeze (3 for the price of 2!! that deal was made for drunken partys party, fact) in the morning, no idea what the guy in the shop must of thought. The host was about the most drunk person there. in the morning he woke up screamed, randownstairs and shouted "What the fuck did you fucktards do!!!" my very tired reply was "You see that pile of sick by the TV.... that was you, you cock!"
(Sparky The Loveable Goldfish, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:51, Reply)

Ahh I can remember it just....
A friend of mine's Mum had recently divorced her husband and my mate Emily wasn't too happy about her Mum's new boyfriend.

So much so that one evening she invited me around to her house to quaff a few ales and to remonstrate about what a cock this bloke was. After a very expensive bottle of red wine each (liberated from his cellar!) followed by tequila, vodka, absinth, lager and herbs she decided that she was going to scrach his very, very expensive new Converible Mercedes that was parked out in the garage.

A sturdy implement was found to do the deed and as she was preparing to make the first incision I let fly with the most foul emmission of projectile vomit you have ever seen...... stinking of tequila and the colour of plums it managed to land right in the driver's (white calf-kin leather) seat and covererd most of the inside of the car...!

£2850.00 to clean the car and she never let on it was me :)

What a trooper!
(Akuru, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:51, Reply)

why i can't drink red bull
at our sixth form christmas party we hired out the top floor of one of the bars in northampton town centre, and in the spirit of christmas we were offered dirt cheap double vodka and red bull. as a foolish 17 year old i proceeded to down 8 of these in less than 2 hours and the rest of the evening is a blank. i was woken up by my evil parents who informed me that i was to get up at once and "clean up" - it turns out that i'd been sick outside the front door while i was trying to get my key in the lock, and being december it had frozen solid. i had to drag very poorly self out of bed and pour kettle after kettle of boiling water on the frozen pavement pizza to wash it away.

not pleasant...
(Joey[kins], Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:47, Reply)

The Place was India
After a terrific week whizzing around sun baked India in the height of their summer, a local we met up with called Vijay says he will take us to the restaurant that he takes his wife and family. We drive through the pink city of Jaipur at night, there are even more people and there is even more going on than during the day, awesome. Deepak (our guide and chauffer) is not happy when we get there. The “restaurant” is a fucking toilet, seriously un-hygienic looking. Filth on the tables and floor, since we were eating with our hands I tried hard not to touch anything. I used the loo, Jesus it was worse than a Sunday morning at a kite buggy weekend, however it was vegetarian food and the water bottle seals were all intact so we go with it. Have a nice evening I pay for dinner for six of us, emm about 8 quid.

My travelling chums, Ros and Charlotte, leave the next morning at 5am to head for the next leg of their journey. I wake at 6am with a dose of the Delhi belly that I had so far managed to avoid by eating only where our guide told us it was ok. Thankfully the loo was a combined shower & toilet and I was standing under the shower when the cramps hit. Both ends simultaneously exploded reminding me of my child hood, you know loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. When the worst of it was over, I showered off, popped an Imodium and went back to sleep. I wake a few hours later I and my mind wandered to my companions, it turns out both Ros and CK were stuck in the taxi for six hours stopping every 15 minutes. They messed their trousers and the car …lol. They said that even with the ac on full blast the vomit was boiling on the dashboard and the smell eventually forced them take the truck to the river to wash it out.

(Turns out later we had contracted dysentery from the food, duh hardly fucking surprising.)

Excerpts from “India, It’s a fucking hot place”
(lastingdamage, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:42, Reply)

All free booze is bad booze...
My 21st just happened to coincide with a gallery show. Loads of mates there, including a girl I fancied something rotten. Free booze can be found at these things... loads of it. The plan was to drink them dry then hit the pub.
A mix of Red, White and guinness caused me to hurl into the bushes of the balcony. Deemed to pissed to continue to the pub, and frankly unable to walk properly I got a lift home. Gave the car a new paint job on the way back...
Did anyone know that spew can actually come out your eyesockets? Well, it can. Chucked so violently that i had bruising round my eyes for days. And the girl? well, my two best mates took the opportunity to have a threesome with her.... fuckers
(rich herds cats, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 20:07, Reply)

I was ill once...
and I was lying in bed. Just before I was about to go to sleep and chucked up. Then as the great theory goes: "What goes up must come down"
Resulting in me having a face full of puke.
(I Want Billy, Fri 20 Aug 2004, 19:03, Reply)