I suspect I may have been the weird kid in my class
but at least I wasn't a generic clone like the rest of them
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 14:43, Reply)

QUOTE:
"our village had it's own college for special kids. Reportedly it's pretty good as well, kids come from all over the world to go there, they must pay an arm and a leg."

No, I think that's the fetal alcohol syndrome.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 13:29, Reply)

Dr DerekDoctors
You do realise the the top of Aaron's head flopping back and forwards cos his lower jaw doesn't work is anatomically impossible don't you?
(Hungry, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 12:12, Reply)

Being that I went to a Convent school...
...it's surprising that the girls in my classes weren't weirder than they could have been.

AG was pretty weird. An early bloomer, the only girl age 11 with breasts, and a general weirdo, she was pretty much shunned. She developed an unhealthy obsession with Take That, cutting her hair short so it was like Robbie's, and running away from home when he left the band. I don't think she came back to school after that.

CG wasn't in my class, but she was also quite weird. She would walk around the school field every lunchtime talking to trees (or herself). Amusingly, she now works where I do, and everyone refers to her as 'that weirdo on the fourth floor'. She still talks to herself, and runs down corridors like a mong.

Even weirder was RF. She decided early on that she was quite the militant butch dyke, then proceeded to sexually assault her best friend at the time. Needless to say, said friend wasn't her friend any longer. She then stalked this girl, sending her Valentine's cards, until she discovered the mother of her new best friend. New best friend, (a different AG), ironically, is CG's sister! (Amazingly, this AG is a very well adjusted and lovely girl!) I happened to be at her house one day when her mother and RF turn up, and proceed to suck each other's faces off on the sofa. I had to leave. It wasn't right.
(mazzmatazz is messing it up like a blue bottle, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 11:48, Reply)

College Spacks or "out the window with political correctness"
At college we seem to have an overwhelming amount of spacks. They vary in age, from about 15 to 60.
And my collection (rubbish past QOTW reference) of friends and I have named them, based on their twitches, voices, cognitive skills and features, so I bring to you my top 10 list of college mongs! (Ranked by how hilarious they are)

10. The leg slapper - he slaps his leg and then cries because someone is hitting his leg.

9. The screecher - ginger, massive overbite that may cause some to say "oh my! what a huge overbite!" and a voice that sounds like a banshees throat being rubbed over corregated iron which is then amplified via megaphone.

8. Lucy's boyfriend - this one fancies my friend Lucy, she's 17, he's 40ish, balding, with an eye off centre and feels the need to collect all the rubbish of everyones tables, put it in his bag (which I can only assume contains all his work) and then chuck the bag in the bin. Also likes to cruise around p-diddy style in the trailer of the College lawnmower.

7.The monkey - This LOL (little old lady) bears a striking resemblence to a monkey, albeit, an overweight monkey in a blue anorak. She also has the whole bottom jaw thing going that is best illustrated on the picture of Sir Trevor Mcdonald which currently resides on the front page.

6. El Gigante - Big. Absurdly big. Big like a whale. She's big and always opens doors the wrong way, giving it the appearence that she is somehow trying to spite a door. Hilarious.

5. Mister. S. Pack - He waddles around with a permanent look of disgust and elation on his face. He'll join in anybodies conversation no matter what the topic matter. Even if it's a conversation filled with anti-mong sentiments.
Also likes to rub himeself in a manner of ways on the bollards outside reception.

4. GingerJames - Big, very ginger and called James. Like Mister S. Pack, he'll join in any conversation. Unlike Mister S. Pack he adds unintentionally hilarious topics into the conversation.
"HAY! I thfink theresf too muchk adult materi-ull on the inter-nnnet. Do you likeuh scroo-fix direct?"
"But James, isn't that adult material?"
That was a very stupid thing to say... he got angry... Incredible Hulk angry.

3. Mr. Videogame - About 30 and everyday comes in convinced he is a videogame character (which character varies from day to day).
By far the funniest have been the day he was convinced he was some sort of World of Warcraft warrior (in which he took a used roll of wrapping paper and ran down the the canteen screaming in what some believe to be elvish.)
Better than this was when he was convinced he was Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series.
He spent the entire day sneaking around with a sock-bandana on his head, in the sneaky hunch postion doing various snake mannerisms which consist of:
Hiding under a box and walking around.
Crouching under the tray rail of the canteen, back against the wall and sliding along it, only to stop every 5 metres to sneak a peek at what might be hidden under every short skirt
And crawling about on the floor.

2. Mr. Muh? - His grasp of reality can only be described as 'poor'. He has half a beard presumably from when he got distracted shaving. He also appears to make up where the entrances and exits are. For example, last Monday he walked into the same wall twice and then asked someone nearby why the door was locked. This happens frequently.

1. The Entertainer/47/So-ja Boy! - Some days he comes in dressed in a similar manner to Agent 47 from Hitman, other days it's in complete army fatigues (complete with march and salute to the canteen workers.)
But, when he's in entertainer guise, it's magic.
He practically becomes Frank Sinatra, just without the vocal talents.
I-pod in hand (and ear) He does dance routines, and sings along to music such as Frank Sinatra, The rat pack and the Big Bopper.
Defining moment? When he tries to lay his version of Ole' Blue eyes' charm on any lady in the vicinity.

There you have it. My top 10.
Some may say this was harsh, I merely consider it rating natures entertainers.

Also, they nick all the tables at lunch. Bassards.

Apologies for length n that. But I do bereave that they deserve their ratings.
(Good Looking Deity Grew a magnificent beard on, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 11:15, Reply)

surely
other peope note the irony
of asking about the wierd kid in class...
on a messageboard where
rape
goatse
AIDS
magenta cocks
cancer
paedophilia
necrophilia

...amongst other things
are the height of amusement?

...maybe it's just me. i'm wierd.
(quibble, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 11:10, Reply)

JF and Peter
Coming from a rural background, everything was quite 'respectable' in my schools - comparably - and weird kids were far and few between. I never really met many weird kids, as our village had it's own college for special kids. Reportedly it's pretty good as well, kids come from all over the world to go there, they must pay an arm and a leg.

Anyway, the only weird kid I remember was called JF in primary school. I remember 2 incidents about him. In year 2, he asked to be excused for the toilet, and came back in 10 minutes later, keks around his ankles, asking the teacher to 'please wipe my bottom'. Ms. Wilson, the poor bint, was really too nice to refuse, and had to go and wipe this little buggers arse. That's one of the perks of being a primary school teacher you just don't hear about.

The second one was in assembly, all us little cherubs were sat cross-legged on the hall floor, when for no apparent reason, JF pipes up with a stream of obsceneties that would make a chav blush. Mrs. Halliday, the ferocious headmistress, promptly swept him off his feet and carried him out of the hall, with him screaming 'Fuck YOU!' all the way out and her relentlessly slapping his arse. She'd probably get sued doing that today.

If I remember rightly, whatever problems he had, he sorted out, because he ended up relatively normal and went to the usual middle school.

I actually remember one other girl at middle school who was just a little off. Not demented enough to be in special needs, just special enough to stand out a bit. The only incident I remember was in geography, when she claimed she and her entire extended family had driven nonstop to Eygpt for summer.

The only other weird kid was in year 9, 10 and 11. Kid called Peter Tomes, who had some condition, I forget what. He was generally speaking a nice kid, just not normal enough to fit in and as a result he was picked on mercilessly. In year 11, I remember I had just finished my IT GCSE, and we were sitting in the hall when the Year head comes in - and I remember these words exactly - said 'I've just finished the hardest phone call of my life. I'm very sorry to inform you all that Peter Tomes passed away this morning of a heart attack'. I never knew the kid, had probably spoken 10 words to him in 3 years, but you don't exactly feel good about it, do you? It was immediately after this exam that I realised what a bunch of tossers most year 11s are, when the jokes were flying thick and fast. Luckily 99% of these knobheads were filtered out when they didn't acheive the 5 Cs required to get into sixth form.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 10:59, Reply)

This one kid...
...turned up to a Sociology lesson claiming he had broken his arm. Oddly enough, he had a bulge under his jacket where a broken arm would be in a sling, and an empty sleeve where a functioning arm should be. Fair enough, it seemed that the kid had broken his arm.

About halfway through the lesson it became obvious that he was having trouble writing and holding reference books open with only one functioning arm. In a fit of rage he stood up to the class and announced:-

"Fine! Let's get this over and done with then!"

He unbuttoned his jacket, and revealed that his arm wasn't broken at all, but rather he had his wrists handcuffed and was attempting to hide it by crossing one arm down the sleeve next to the other, obviously hindering the movement of his "free" arm as well.

Naturally the remainder of the class laughed, and he failed to live it down for the remainder of his time at that educational establishment.

You'll no doubt be unsurprised to find out that the kid was me. Some other students present that day would say I was the weird kid in class, but I beg to differ.

I think the weird kid was John, who handcuffed me just before my lesson and then buggered off with the key. I could have skipped class, but if I recall correctly it was the last one before an exam, so was kinda necessary, what with subtle hints about what was likely to be in the paper and stuff.

Bastard. *Shakes fist*
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 10:57, Reply)

I was the weird kid.
This QOTW is bringing back a hell of a lot of painful memories for me.

Fortunately I was not the only weird kid. I recall a girl named Gretchen who particularly liked the taste of the yellow snow. Another kid took great delight in bringing a lighter to Chemistry class and turning on a gas jet (for the bunsen burners) and igniting it, making a three foot flame.

But above all there was a kid whose last name was Ninos who was in my sixth grade class. God only knows what developmental disorders he had, but he was twice as big as the rest of us, prone to sudden bursts of petty violence and meanness, and at random intervals would tilt his head back, half close his eyes, make a strange swirling motion with his hands and loudly whisper something that sounded like "Tohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

One day we were rearranging the classroom and Ninos decided it was funny to get on every piece of furniture being moved. Finally one kid could stand it no more and blurted out, "Ninos, you penis!" (It rhymed, btw.) Cue Ninos springing to his feet with an inarticulate howl and lunging at the kid with murderous intent, the two of them making three laps around the room, then the kid sprinting down the hallway with Ninos in hot pursuit belming at the top of his lungs. Apparently the kid was smart enough to run into the principal's office, and was returned to class unscathed (other than hot and sweating), while Ninos vanished never to be heard from again.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Sun 21 Jan 2007, 10:54, Reply)

i've been lucky, i think. i've always had bonkers classmates.
in kindergarten there was a greek kid named george whose parents made him wear a little suit all the time. given that the school was in a rural farming community, he was mocked mercilessly (and his lack of command of english didn't help him). he had sisters who were twins and slightly older and rarely if ever spoke aloud. the family later moved away amidst some sort of scandal.

grade one brought me a classmate named ronny roe who was none too bright. a few days into summer he was hit by a cement truck that partially squished his head, rendering him even less bright. he survived but had to be put in special school soon after. he once came to a birthday party i had and rode a tricycle off a three foot wall in my basement and banged his squishy head on the cement floor. neither seemed any worse for the event.

high school brought a guy named burke who was either a bible-thumping maniac or a great prankster who never let his facade slip in emulating one. he always wore suits, too, but by his own choice. he'd rail against sin and corruption in a thundering voice in the cafeteria at lunch, alongside hockey games or in the middle of classes and command us all to repent. occasionally we'd catch him smirking like we were all just witless players in his great game -- he was by far my favourite classmate all through high school.

more banal were the usual clump of shining stars who achieved their moments of fame as 'the pregnant girl', 'the jock who ran his car off the road and died' and 'the kid who got busted selling weed'. i was in grade eleven (or thereabouts) when the first space shuttle blew up. that was a laugh riot of epic proportions, given that some classes watched it on tvs and saw the big kaboom live. my friend camilla got booted for stating she was going to florida to try and fish bits of astronauts out of the ocean (and i still have a soft spot for all the jokes about nasa from that time).

joanna, the girl who was a language genius and later did porn... my nemesis, anya, who vied with me for top latin and english lit. grades (i beat her by less than a percentage point in our final year)... the girl with the odd hereditary disease who'd also had facial burn scars and was subsequently (and cruelly) nicknamed 'yoda'... there are certainly more, but these are the ones who come to mind.
( postbear has metal knees, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 8:23, Reply)

my ex's aunt's are all teachers

One of them taught at a school where one of the kids supposedly had a plan to imitate the Columbine massacre.

His hitlist included "girls, and everyone who doesn't like Marilyn Manson."
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 8:15, Reply)

Correct spelling of 'weird'.
W-E-I-R-D.

Honestly, I see so many people spelling it wrong here... >_<
(GLC, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 3:54, Reply)

Not in my class exactly...
...but we had a weird kid at boarding school, I think in the year below me. I don't remember his name but for the purposes of this story it was Rodney. Rodney was a generally disliked fellow, fat and with braces and an annoying voice. He was also a big crybaby and flawlessly stupid. In school, I was one of the kids who used to get teased and pushed around pretty constantly, raped in the showers etc., and Rodney was the kid that *I* picked on. I don't like to be nasty but he was pretty pathetic. But Rodney had a great solace that he turned to again and again: masturbation.

Now, all kids around our ages at that time masturbated with alarming regularity (and to the most innocuous and unlikely material, like diagrams of the ovarian system in the school encyclopledias), but Rodney was a real trooper. Prolific, in fact. Twice he was caught full-handed. The first time was in study class one evening. Rodney sat up the back and pretended to study for a while, but after half an hour or so the rest of the class became aware of a loud, rhythmic thumping. Then they became aware of the grunts and whimpers of self-pleasure. The class supervisor became aware also, went directly to Rodney's desk, and yanked his chair back, just in time for a roomful of craned necks to have their retinas seared with the image of young Rodney ejaculating tepidly over the edges of his pale shaking fist. He was excused from the rest of the class, and the strange thing was, despite the fact that the story got around almost instantly, it wasn't really mentioned and he wasn't picked on any more than usual (though he certainly wasn't picked on any *less*). I guess we all saw a little bit of ourselves in young Rodney.

The second time was after lights out, with all the childs tucked away in their blankets and assorted bedclothes. Rodney's covering was a polyester sleeping bag. You know, one of the ones that make a shitload of noise when you so much as exhale when ensconced within. With tedious inevitability the whole sorry scene unfolded, with the brother (this was a Catholic boarding school, incidentally) ripping back Rodney's sleeping bag, flicking on his torch, and shining it directly on the poor lad's tumescence. Not knowing quite what to do, the brother started yelling at Rodney to stop defiling himself. By now the whole dorm is awake and lights are starting to go on. But Rodney keeps at it, staring the brother directly in the eye. The brother actually pushes Rodney's hand away, but young Rodney quickly takes up the slack with his southpaw, and despite everything going on around him, simply will not stop until, with a mighty sigh, he unleashes his man-gravy across his stomach and pubes.

And then, he fell asleep instantly.
(The Turgid Dahlia, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 3:31, Reply)

GaySex
Of course I'm tired now, so I'll narrow the description to some short sentences:

A vastly knowledgeable student, one of the top mathematical whizzes of the UK. Uncomfortable with wearing anything less than second hand sports clothing. Failed at drama GCSE and his name when typed out in the Google "I'm feeling lucky search" actually linked to his work and it of course rhymes with the above title.
( Uncle Gilly hides from Plato, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 2:26, Reply)

taste?
When do you know when a vegetables cooked?

The wheelchair floats to the top.

I would weave this into a clever story about a wheelchair bound fictional spastic who I went to school with, and probably get him sucked off by a resident slave dwarf or summat to please the Frankspencerites amongst us but to be honest, I'm far too drunk and stoned to be arsed.
(The_Greyhound wrote www.luckymcdanger.blog.co.uk on, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 1:39, Reply)

I have Aspergers
So I was probably the weird one.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Sun 21 Jan 2007, 0:54, Reply)

The weirdest kid I knew...
OK, KC was the second weirdest. But TB takes the prize, in a stunning victory.

In our first year at high school, TB shit his pants. We noticed this in assembly, when I was the poor bastard who sat next to him. The smell, good god the smell. Our suspicions were confirmed when he was caught washing them in the sink at PE, claiming that it was "just mud".

In our Art class (the same one that KC would boycott the following year), one of my designs went missing. We later discovered that TB was producing a design IDENTICAL to mine. He denied copying me. Despite the fact that he was sat, with my design in front of him, at a light table, tracing it.

A year later, he brought a gun to school. But in a celebration of bonkers, it was an old, flint-lock pistol. He claimed it was his grandfather's, and that he was taking it to be valued by an antique dealer after school. Almost plausible, except he brought in gunpowder and shot too...

In third year, my class went to an outdoor recreation centre for a one week residence. Mountain climbing, canoeing, orienteering. Healthy outdoor pursuits, for unhealthy city childs.

I had to share a dorm room with TB. TB brought wrist strengtheners with him for that week. He went mental if anyone else touched them. They may or may not have been connected with his night-time "activities".

After lights out, I and the other 2 chaps in the dorm room could hear TB moaning. Yes, he was fwapping away like a champion. Now, I should mention at this point that TB was deaf. So he thought he was being quiet. He wasn't.

The next morning at breakfast, the 3 scarred survivors looked at each other with haunted eyes. "Did you hear TB wanking last night?" "Oh thank fuck it wasn't just me!!!"

I think this was the last truly mental thing he did when I still knew him at school. He left at the end of fourth year.

...

And then, a few years after we had left school, I saw him again. On telly no less.

Y'see, TB had raped and murdered a girl in our town, and the lovely people of Crimewatch had got the witnesses together to convict him.

Always the quiet ones...
(lawofnations, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 0:37, Reply)

A smattering of them...
Aaron - probably shouldn't have been going to a mainstream school as he'd shit himself fairly often. Also his jaw didn't move so when he talked the top of his head flapped back and forth.

Dominic - Had painted toenails, dipped tennis balls in muddy puddles then sucked them. Again, probably not ideally suited to mainstream education.

Marcus - Caught fucking a defrosting chicken by his brother. Also fucked a milk bottle (one of the old ones with a wide top).

Stevey - Wore his trousers inside out and would follow any instructions given to him.

James - My bestest friend, and still is. But was generally accepted to be a weirdo whilst at school.
(DrDerekDoctors, Sun 21 Jan 2007, 0:03, Reply)

Let me tell you about poor old S. Bailey.
Primary school. He was weird. We used to pick on him a lot which any Aspergers victim should fully expect but he mainly brought it on himself. On a school trip once we went to Thor's cave. He was walking over a small wooden bridge when he dropped his red plastic lunch box (power rangers I think) into the river. It hit a rock and smashed open and his flask, sandwiches and 50+pencils majestically floated downstream like poosticks, much to our delight. I'll never forget the look on his face as he broke down in tears and urinated his shorts as year's 4, 5 and 6 burst into laughter. Even the teachers were laughing.

EDIT. Stephen if you're reading this then I am SO sorry. It was funny though.
(xwoody01, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:56, Reply)

The second weirdest kid...
I'm going to save the absolutely weirdest for another post, but the second weirdest I shall call "KC", for those were his initials... Some highlights...

First Year
KC "did kickboxing". He assured us that this involved the kickboxing instructor summoning the dead and showing them the dreaded "Death Touch", that KC was oddly unable to perform.
KC was felt up in the showers by another boy. He decided that this meant he was bisexual, and spent the remainder of the year asking if other boys were too...
KC decides that his voice is breaking. So he spends the next year alternating between falsetto and normal, switching every 3 or 4 seconds. Believable, until his voice did actually break the following year.

Second Year
KC decided that he didn't want to take Art on into Standard Grade at the end of second year. Therefore, he didn't need to do any work in class. This decision was made in August. It was a long year...
KC discover masturbation. And talks about it all the time. Describes what he does. Spends the whole time making "wanking" noises. Since I am partnered with him in our compulsory Home Economics class, I opt not to eat anything that he has come into contact with.
KC discovers REM. They replace masturbation. Now he won't talk about anything else unless Michael Stipe is involved...

Third Year
KC discovers U2. It is a repeat of the REM obsession...
KC discovers drugs. Asks if the Chemistry teacher knows how to make LSD. Is surprised that she won't help him...
(lawofnations, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:44, Reply)

My next-door neighbour at uni
In my first year at a certain university that tends to win more than 50% of Boat Races, I was placed in a hall of residence lovingly described as "a car park surrounded by beautiful gardens". My next-door neighbour was Leo. He was a computer scientist (not weird in of itself). He had grown up on a hippy commune, wore very loud baggy tie-dye trousers, had an aversion to personal hygiene and wore his hair in three long plaits down his back. I would occasionally catch a glimpse of him peering in through my window (we had a communal balcony and everyone had patio doors) only for him to disappear the moment I turned round to look at him. He was allergic to dairy and gluten, and didn't drink alcohol.

One evening a friend of mine asked him, when the three of us were chatting in my room, what he did to relax if chocolate and alcohol were out of the question. He announced that he smoked pot, then promptly leapt out of the chair, darted back to his room, and returned with a small bag of weed and an empty drinks can, which he then started scratching at furiously with a penknife. I kicked him out of my room.

The guy returned to uni after the Christmas break with loudspeakers that could have powered a Wembley gig. He played his music so loudly that my laptop vibrated itself off my desk, and Mr Lawofnations could hear Leo's music when he was on the phone to me as loudly as if he was listening to it on his own stereo. The nights I spent being kept awake by his music (of course Leo was too stoned and playing his music too loudly to hear us banging on his door and window) have rendered me incapable of appreciating the fine tunes of Portishead.

Most distressing was the hygiene though. Our cleaner would actually have to get one of us to vouch for the fact that she'd cleaned his room, because within 24 hours it looked like it was growing mushrooms. I seriously have no idea what he did in those 24 hours.

He's a software developer now, still living in the town of our alma mater. He's probably a B3TAN. Sorry Leo, but you were a weirdo of the highest order.
(Mrs Lawofnations, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:42, Reply)

This is one from my high school:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4775276.stm

You probably heard about it on the news at the time. Turns out the kid who killed him was a total sociopathic loner, who tried to have sex with him before he stabbed him to death with a kitchen knife. Whitehead park is directly behind my grandma's house. Apparently one of the neighbours saw the kid dragging a wheelie bin with his corpse in it across the field, although she didn't know it contained a dead body. She was going to go and confront him about it thinking he'd stolen it from one of the houses.

First time I heard about this, it was shocking, but I couldn't help but feel like it was only a matter of time before something like this happened, knowing some of the people that went to my high school...

My old best friend went to prison for stamping on a guys head 127 times (they counted in the cctv) putting him in a coma to the point where he had to learn how to walk again. How he wasn't killed I don't know..

Another lad I knew went to prison for armed robbery two years after we graduated.

The physics teacher was sentenced to life imprisonment for stabbing an 80 year old man to death with a screwdriver, and got another 10 year sentence on to of that for the attempted murder of a 16 year old lad that tried to intervene...

So the Joe Geeling thing... awful, but strangely unsurprising. They actually took my cousin to the police station about this, as he was one of his friends, they were in the same form. The police never told him why he was there either, nor would they let his mum sit in the interview room with him, the cruel bastards. He had nightmares for months cos he thought he was being arrested for his murder.
I fucking hate the Bury police. I fucking hate Bury...
( PMGT -Bacon., Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:37, Reply)

Just remembered one from primay school...
I remember a guy called Mark at my primary school who wasn't special needs (at least he didn't receive any extra help or anything, so I'm presuming he was just stupid...), yet did some of the oddest things, and came out with some of the most outlandish things I have ever heard. Well, outlandish for an incredibly stupid person. He drew exactly like a child draws (he was 10 at the time he joined our school), and I never liked him. For some time I used to leg him up whenever I saw him. Here are some of his moments of brilliance:

He once told me he had caught the tooth fairy and killed her.

He once told me he had a swimming pool in his garden. Fair enough you might think, except he said it had a killer whale in it. Upon further investigation it transpired he didn't have a killer whale. Or a swimming pool.

He once told me his uncle played for England. I asked his mum if this was true to prove he was lying, knowing full well it wasn't, which she confirmed. Instead of simply conceding that he was lying, however, he then started to get quite irate and began insisting his uncle was Chris Waddle.

He once told me he made a giant paper plane, out of paper (his words, not mine), and flew to the sun in it, where he promptly died. But it was ok, because he was "back now".

But my favourite trait of his, which still makes me laugh to this day whenever I think about it, was his "alien face".

Whenever anyone said "Mark, do your alien face!" to him, he would put his right fist so it was touching his right shoulder, start waving his left arm around wildly, whilst scrunching his face up as tightly as possible (and we're talking fucking tight here...) and making an odd semi-roaring kind of sound, and then proceed to run around the playground as though we had just lit him on fire. As if this wasn't funny enough, it would often transpire that he was scrunching his face up so tightly, he couldn't actually see anything, and this often resulted in him running into things. Like trees.

I often lie awake at night and wonder what the fuck he ended up as. I can't sleep sometimes at the thought that he might have gone to university and got into politics or something, and now holds a position with some authority over people's lives... Or, more likely, he probably fell off a cliff or something.
( PMGT -Bacon., Sat 20 Jan 2007, 23:17, Reply)

Strange people I was fortunate enough to "learn" beside
Ooh who first, well at least two guys at my school were walked to the gates by their mothers (bear in mind this is secondary school we are talking about). One guy, who was aptly named Jeffry, had a mother so protective that when he went on Work placement she went on the bus with him, waited around, met him for lunch, waited around then got the bus home with him!

Next was a guy I'll name Alan cos even though he's dead He's still to be feared (Vampire you see but I'll ge to that) was a scary dude, stabbed a guy, he had lost a fight with weeks before, outside English class with a bowie knife. We were in second year at the time which would have made us all about 13.

He later killed himself in Carstairs after murdering his best friend for calling the girl in Queen of the Damned a "black Bitch" then eating bits of him! Heres the BBC's take on it: news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/3168520.stm

Well at least hes not a racist and therefore a better person than Jade Goodie!
(bugger-luggs, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 22:51, Reply)

I remember a few, but one in particular stands out.
In my first year of high school, aged 11, there was a boy called stephen, who had the incredibly irritating habit of thinking I was friends with him, when in actuality, I thought he was a toffee nosed wanker, due to his ridiculously posh accent (being well spoken in my school was a surefire way of getting your teeth kicked in). On top of which, he had been home schooled up until this point, which left him with a total and utter lack of social ability. Anyway, back to why he was weird.

I remember sitting in a music lesson, near the end of term, and word had got out he was to move to Spain with his family. As a leaving present, it was decided that we should get one of the girls to start feeling him up, and see what he did. Now, as you may have already gathered by the vague description of him I already gave, he came from a well to do background. His house was apparently fucking miles away from anywhere, so social contact with the opposite sex was literally non-existant until he came to high school.

We waited for the teacher to leave the room for a minute, as he was wont to do, and then Sam, this fat ugly girl with bad acne and a serious a-typical chav attitude problem, went and sat next to him and started to squeeze his thigh.

I remember the noise was very gradual. It started off as an odd sort of high pitched humming sound, before lowering into a more gutteral sort of rumbling sound, a sound akin to uncertainty, the kind of noise you make when you are unsure of something and afraid at the same time, before the floodgates opened and it degenerated into a loud violent squawking, as he bolted from his chair, screaming and crying, and ran out of the room, and down the corridor.

A few minutes later, he returned with the teacher, who was PISSED. I remember he called us "the dregs of society" which, although a good insult, was totally lost on us as we all looked around at each other wondering what the fuck a "dreg" was. After a couple of minutes of being shouted at by the teacher, and all of us adopting our solemn "we won't do it again, sir" faces, he came back into the classroom, with large red rings round his eyes, and sniffling.

It was then that we noticed. And this I'll never forget. From the back of the classroom, there was the sound of a chair scraping back, and then the frenzied scream of "LOOK! STEPHEN'S FUCKING PISSED HIS PANTS!!!"

I turned to see one of the lads at the back of the classroom stood up, pointing and gesticulating wildly, seemingly oblivious to the remonstrations handed down to us not more than 30 seconds previously.

Cue Stephen erupting in screams and tears again and running down the corridor, down the stairs, out across the playground and up the road towards town and off school property as we all crowded round the window to watch him go.

We never saw him again.
( PMGT -Bacon., Sat 20 Jan 2007, 21:58, Reply)

Not as weird as some....
Lets call him A Savage. Imagine black, smelly hair, twisting in every direction; a buck-toothed, vitriolic laugh which smelt of marsh gas, and sounded like a dying seal. And He found everything amusing, especially petty acts of violence towards the person next to him. He didn't go on holiday, his strange family just bought a new car every year. They had about 15 rusty old cars, and even a fire engine. He watched an unhealthy amount of television, and even did an English talk on television, where it became apparent that he only had terrestrial and watched it. All. The. Time. He downed 2 litres of Irn Bru in one gulp, before attacking me with a power stapler. God knows what he's doing now. Possibly in the army or living off his parents wealth.
( PopePollo defloculating the soup of the surreal, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 21:51, Reply)

Delicious
There was a kid who went to school with my partner who would apparently drink ink, and eat crayons.
He liked the red ones best.

Then he'd throw it all up over the desk.
(primate, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 21:10, Reply)

True story ... no, really
Our form teacher was a religious nut. Read the Bible at her desk and was always spouting Jesus. Well, once month each class had to do a presentation to the whole school. Other classes chose things like 'The Weather', or 'Where Sausages Come From', or 'Polyester and it Uses'. We always had to do something from the Bible.

So I wrote an essay disproving the existence of God. My argument was that heaven had to be in space, and that NASA had a logbook containing all objects in space. Heaven wasn't in it, and neither was God. Plus, there's no oxygen in space, so anyone who went to heaven would asphyxiate. Ergo, God didn't exist.

And I delivered this essay to the entire school (having conned my form teacher into believing that I was going to read something about Joseph's goddamn technicolour underpants or something). A shocked silence settled over the hundreds of faces as I blasphemed my way into school lore ... and the devout headmistress went from her usual nun-like pallour to a boiling red of seething outrage.

I was 9.

[Rachelswipe has just sent me a message that gave me a boner. I fear I will have it for weeks.]
(frankspencer, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 20:28, Reply)

Rachel.
Poor, poor Rachel. With an overbite that could cut through an oak table and hair that looked like she brushed it with lit matches. She also talked like Pee-Wee Herman and had a budgie called Perky who sadly flew away. I can't say I blame him.

One day someone noticed the armpits on her shirt were green and she claimed it was 'deodorant stains'. Just one of her moments of questionable personal hygiene.

Classic Rachel moments included...

1) The drama class insisting she sing 'saturday night' by Whigfield in front of everyone due to her incredibly scraggy hair making it look like she was wearing a wig made out of dead badger arse hair.

2)Trying to kill herself by slitting her wrists with a pair of blunt plastic scissors after someone threw screwed up tinfoil at her head in French class.

3)Sitting in maths with a huge lump of earwax on her leg and claiming it was a bogey. Like that makes it any better...

She talked like Dido sings so imagine my delight many years later when an old friend informed me she had gone to try out for X-Factor singing a song by the very same artist. I'm guessing it sounded something like this; "GRRAAHHHHHHHHHH Oh great! Perky flew away! OH GREAT!!" I fail to see how she didn't get through.
(chakaflange, Sat 20 Jan 2007, 19:57, Reply)