This is not a ritual, but a simple procedure
that everybody, without fail, asks me why I'm doing it.

Toast. Place on plate. Butter toast. Get peanut butter jar out.

Slide knife into the thin side of the toast - the crust bit. Looks like I'm stabbing it.

"Why did you do that?"

To clean the butter off the knife before I stick it in the peanut butter jar. Obviously.
(username failed moderation, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:04, 11 replies)

I have one
Whenever that newsreader says "I'm a sad almond" I have to say "aaaah".

And I like to free-form dance to the University Challenge music when its on.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 11:03, 8 replies)

The A19 north of Thirsk
is pretty much a straight run. That is until you get to Teesside when it weaves about a bit in big sweeping curves. When driving along this stretch at speed (it doesn't work under 50mph), I cannot help but sing the music from classic 80s arcade game OutRun because it reminds me so much of the first level.

A lot like this, and that particular tune.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiWiTXq4yYY
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:53, 1 reply)

Honey
Whenever I'm making anything with honey in it, I always say thankyou to the bees.

I don't do anything similar with any other food.

Just honey, and bees.

I have *no* idea why.
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:38, 10 replies)

I can't
masturbate unless there's an 'R' in the alphabet.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:34, 7 replies)

Eating with a knife and fork
Not that odd in itself, but I feel compelled to eat just about everything with cutlery, including (but not limited to):

Fish and Chips, must be on a plate, not the wrapper, and knife and fork used.

Ditto KFC.

Oddly, burgers I am happy to eat with my hands. Not sure how it started, but I find that it feels more like a meal using cutlery and plates. Yeah, I'm an odd chap.
(wuckfit Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:29, 4 replies)

I have a friend...
Who gets chocolate m n m's, and puts two between his thumb and fore finger and crushes them, saving the strongest one for the next 'battle' a bit like conkers.
Saving the strongest for the next pack.
He one write to the company with a three packet undefeated chocolate, asking why all m n m's can't be made this strong. With a full explanation.ad to how he found out its strength.
(lordy lordy, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:25, 18 replies)

Our workplace has a professional masseur come around every few weeks to give discounted shoulder and neck massages to those who want them.

I guess it reflects ritualised behaviour of sorts when you walk in and throw your crumpled notes on the small drawers beside the massage table instead of handing them to the lady.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:16, 4 replies)

The Emperor The Emperor
erm...for some bizarre reason whenever I have to go for a shite I have to hold it until the last minute and mutter 'the Emperor, the Emperor' to myself...it used to be 'a shotgun, a shotgun' but it changed a couple of years ago
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:12, Reply)

The only thing I can think of that I do ritualistically
Is touch the poster of that tennis girls arse on the way in to the gym changing room each morning.

But its not a very good story so I won't bother telling you.
( Peej, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:12, 6 replies)

Probably not that weird
I pat myself down whenever I leave anywhere and say, outloud: "wallet, phone, keys" until I've physically touched all of them.

Due to forgetfulness, I tend to tell myself I've done the important stuff, like "I've just locked the front door", "I've turned the iron off" and so on.
(ScousersPet, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:09, 5 replies)

janes addictions 3rd album is some strange shit

( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 10:08, 4 replies)

My weird ritual
is every time I read one of baldmonkeys posts I have to say cunt ten times followed by wanker three times turn around twice and smash the monitor in with my fist.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 9:52, 13 replies)

Crisp pokes
or potato chip bags for any non Scots.

I have to tie them in a bow.

The misses folds them into a triangle.
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Fri 16 Dec 2011, 9:46, 6 replies)

Bags first!
I don't have any OCDs, just CDOs. Its the same thing, but with the letters lined up alphabetically. (I wish that was one of my own.)
(J H Christ began in Afrika ka ka ka ka, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 9:40, 13 replies)

A few...
I don't like being in the dark. That's why when I get up for a shit in the middle of the night, I turn the hall light off and literally sprint for the bedroom. My other half thinks I look quite ridiculous.

I also do this weird thing when I'm leaving the house at night - the living room light switch is at the end of the room nearest the front door, so I have to go and turn that on, walk back to the kitchen and turn the kitchen light off, and then turn the living room light off just as I leave the house.

And I can't effectively have a shit without having a book, or a phone with Internet access, or something to keep me occupied.
(Flap Burger hasn't really got a burger made of flaps, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 8:26, 6 replies)

Whenever attending a Family Law Court hearing...
I wear my Roger Ramjet T-shirt under my dress shirt, and a particular pair of undies. I do this because the first time I wore this combination, things started to go well in court.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 8:00, 21 replies)

my wife folds plastic bags.
like, after packing away the shopping, she will spend a good 30 minutes folding the plastic bags up - precisely - after which she arranges them in order of size.

am i allowed a photo? here it is: www.b3tards.com/u/9b4614c3a6d629487e93/foldedbags.jpg

please don't tell her i took this photo. She will have to unfold every single bag and then start again, just in case i have disrupted the order.
(softporn 70's sink fixer, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 7:48, 3 replies)

Also, I eat crisps
...in size order; the small broken ones first, leaving the big, whole unbroken ones (that obviously taste the best) until last.

I didn't even realise I did it until someone at work pointed it out by loudly and judgingly asking 'are you arranging your crisps into size order?' which was rather embarassing
(Mr_Lew, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 6:30, 3 replies)

Connecting In The Line Of Sight
Everybody's posting about complexes they have as opposed to rituals; surely a ritual is a series of events leading to a conclusion (e.g. satisfaction) and therefore different to just something that makes you a bit OCD?

Either way, my 'something that makes me a bit OCD' is a bit weird, I've done it for as long as I can remember, but only recently have I been consciously thinking about it: Things have to cross in my line of sight. Not sure how to explain this in words, but if for instance I'm driving down a road approaching a road sign (obviously to go past it, not driving right at it) and there's a car coming the other direction I'll intentionally - but possibly subconsciously - speed up or slow down so we pass it at the same time.

Or, again if I'm driving, the street lamps must all go out of sight behind the rear view mirror. Or the mouse cursor must line up exactly with the line of the text box or be exactly in the middle of the white area to the left of the text box (imagine lines were drawn from the corners crossing through the centre, the mouse will lie where those lines would cross.

It's weird and annoys me but it's so simple and requires such little effort I can't stop it. Gah!!!!
(Mr_Lew, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 6:25, 2 replies)

Skittles should be eaten as such...
Get rid of the greens and yellows first, as they're rubbish.
Next up are the orange. Only then can I enjoy my bag of skittles, which should ideally be eaten as such.....purple, red, purple, red, purple, red....ideally finishing on a red one.
(El_diablo_blanco, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 5:11, 6 replies)

Open windows
I just cant, *CANT*, sleep in a room without a window being open. Even just by a CM. I will lay there imagining I'm suffocating until it becomes unbearable and I have to leap out of bed and go and open a window a crack.
Doesnt matter how cold it is outside or wherever my location. Drives me fucking nuts.
(technocore, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 3:34, 1 reply)

gotta get that thing in the bin!!!!
i have a thing i do in work where i go to throw something in the bin and if i dont get it first time then we have a clusterfuck of a shift.
i run a kitchen and spend most of my day in a box (kitchen) with the same people day in day out. its mot mcdonalds
better than that but yeah, al sorst of stupid shit,
didnt ocd used to be called superstition?????
( s-drop take it to the bridge, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 3:32, Reply)

I'm an OCD sufferer
and Cthulhu cultist. Everything on my desk has to be at an impossible angle.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 1:54, 1 reply)

Interestingly,
OCD is strongly correlated with a high IQ. That doesn't mean because you keep counting stairs or recording the daily temperature fluctuations in your fridge that you are not an irritating cunt to the rest of us though.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 0:33, 2 replies)

Insomniac surfers post reminded me
Gran taught me how to make Yorkshire puddings from scratch, and told me that only people from Yorkshire (raises hand - Hull) can get them to rise properly by putting Yorkshire love into them.
I live in the US now, but my Yorkshires always rise perfectly.

Because when I'm mixing the batter, without fail, I always whisper "Yorkshire love, yorkshire love"
(nolongernuts, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 0:31, 8 replies)

Yorkshires at 12 O clock
When I cook a sunday roast, the food has to arrayed on the plate in certain clock face order.
Yorkshires at 12
Meat occupies the space between them and 3
Mashed potato up to 5
If there are roast parsnips they are at 6 & 7
Carrots at 8
Green veg at 9, 10
Mashed swede at 11
Roast potatoes slot in the middle

I didnt realise I always did this until fairly recently when having sunday lunch elsewhere and got all fizzy in my chest that the yorkshires were in the wrong place.
When I moved them , it didnt matter that everything wasnt in the order im used to.
But yorkshire puds must always be at 12 o clock on the plate.

One day i'm going to rise up and rebel and place those damn yorkshires at the bottom of the plate.
That'll teach em
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Fri 16 Dec 2011, 0:01, 12 replies)

step on a crack, fall on your back.
what utter bollocks.

What you need to be aware of cannot be highlighted in rhyme and as such very few realise the true dangers the floor beneath their feet hold. In fact, even I, seemingly the only person not oblivious to this threat, do not fully understand the implications of what may happen should your attention waver.
What should I be wary of, I hear the voice you try to ignore ask? Imagine if you will every square or rectangular piece of pavement adornment, paving stones, manhole covers etc, have imaginary lines connecting the opposite corners of each. It is these lines that must be avoided.
Take heed fellow pedestrian.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 23:51, Reply)

I always have to let the pint completely settle when im drinking ale...
Gotta see that clear liquid and a lovely perfect foamy head on top. Can't stand it when it's opaque...
( rjmrjm, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 23:17, 2 replies)

Two words.
Clear history.
(yourmumonastickwithmintsauce, Thu 15 Dec 2011, 22:04, 5 replies)