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It's my 21st birthday in 7 days.
What are you all getting me?
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)
a hug.

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)
I'm 24 in 18 days, what're you getting me?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
Exactly what you're going to get me for my 24th.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
YES!

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:06, archived)
A brass dildo?

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
i'm 20 in 15 days, what are you getting me?

(I helped save b3ta! Lightguy hail satan, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:05, archived)
I'm getting you exactly what you got me for my 20th

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived) 

for ($i = 1; false; $i++) 
{
  $suffix = "th";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "1") $suffix = "st";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "2") $suffix = "nd";
  if (substr($i, -1) == "3") $suffix = "rd";
 
  echo "What are you going to get me on my " . $i . $suffix . "?";
  echo "Exactly what you got me on my " . $i . $suffx . ".";
}

(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
You've missed out an if statement
for if my age is less or more than the birthday being mentioned.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived) 

if ($jenk->cares())
{
  // ha.. never gonna happen
}

(I helped save b3ta! Jenk Neptune is a pedant and now I can't fit my sig in, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
Too busy being a nonce, eh Jenk?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
I'm 35 in 14 days
What do I get?
(I helped save b3ta! M o D, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)
Bus pass and zimmerframe.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
A course in redundant apostrophes.

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
I'm 20 in 20 days, what are you getting me?

(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
21 hopi ear candles to put on your cake to destress it

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)
I'm getting you exactly what you got me for my 21st.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:01, archived)
An e-hug

(I helped save b3ta! Methylene Blue - electrohead, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
I won't come and see you
BEST PRESENT EVER
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
A fighter jet.

(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
Oh, wow.
Sorry for making all your presents look shitty by comparison, everyone else except GMoS. I didn't realise that we'd implemented a "no good presents" rule.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:04, archived)
The thing is, my present is REAL.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:05, archived)
So is mine.
I'm getting a real, actual fighter jet and flying it to TuTT's house and landing it on the street outside. I'm thinking maybe a Harrier; their vertical landing is pretty cool.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
Pictures or do what you like.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
I'm going to fit it with a sweet soundsystem
and blast out Chesney Hawkes - The One and Only as I land.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)
I wish this was true.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)
I AM THE ONE AND ONLY,
YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
I used to fancy him.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)
Me too.
He did a signing of The One And Only in Woolies when I was 11. I went to see him with my friend. This friend had a hen weekend at Butlins in 2005 mainly because he was playing there at a School Disco weekend.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
I never got to meet him :-(

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
My friend got back stage after his show at Butlins and invited him to the wedding.
She still emails his brother.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
Whatever drink you like on the 30th
I'll even hold you up for a bit, or sit you down. Whatever you fancy.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:02, archived)
I'm not 100% settled on the London bash.
I just dunnooo.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)
ahhh go on

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)
Fucking charming.
Ah well, have a good time doing something less fun than hanging about with meeeee.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
Part of me really wants to
But part of me has large reservations.
(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)
Well you shall be missed
but life cannot be put on hold for internet people.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
Boooh. I'm in Amsterdam. I wanted to go :(
I may send a replacement DG. some sort of upturned broom...
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
aw man, I was bringing my team of Acrobatic Pugs too
looks like they'll have to go to waste.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)
D: DON'T JOKE AT SUCH THINGS D:

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
you should see them flip about
in their little masks and capes
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
We need more /talkers attending

(I helped save b3ta! The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
I'm going
aren't you thrilled
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
Oh spangles, if I go will you cuddle me?

(I helped save b3ta! TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
of course I will
cuddles and drinkies will be yours!
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:23, archived)
i'm going as well you know

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:29, archived)
It's going to be a right cuddlefest!

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:31, archived)
*rubs thighs*

(I helped save b3ta! crazyjude is very happy with happytoast and his skill, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:33, archived)
Rugby team
And a tub of margarine
(I helped save b3ta! Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
I won't infect you with my disgusting cold

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:03, archived)
I was 30 two days ago
and none of youse got me OWT (apart from FF and rhcpaul. And Malchick. And milknosugar. And TheFallGuy. And jenpots).

But I would get you some lovely flowers and make you a compilation CD.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:06, archived)
Your card should be with you in a few days by the way.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:07, archived)
YAY

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
*not a weirdo*

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
Who are you again?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
She's the Leprachaun
to be sure.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
Yes.
Here I am enjoying my birthday.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:11, archived)
*something about lucky charms*
Sorry, I'm tired today. I'll insult you properly later.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:13, archived)
Great.
I'll look forward to it.
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:14, archived)
I'm glad I didn't go to your bash.
If I did I wouldn't have been able to keep my hands off you, you sexy beast.
(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:14, archived)
I NO

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:15, archived)
Marry me?

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:16, archived)
I'm already betrothed.
Sorry Benji
(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:17, archived)
Bigamy isn't a crime when you're as sexy as you.

(I helped save b3ta! Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)
Well I know.

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:20, archived)
I got you a box full of my various flakes from scrubbing my body with wire wool.
I'm just yet to send it, that's all.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:08, archived)
Well send it and I can use it like a Lush bath bomb

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:18, archived)
An erection

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:09, archived)
A card made from skin from my own back.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:15, archived)
What do you want for your birthday?

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:25, archived)
Tetracycline
Thats what you give the girl who has everything.
(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:19, archived)
you can never have too much tetracycline

(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:20, archived)
Err.....I think you can.

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
yeah I guess,
if you had so much you completely filled your house so you couldn't even get in through the front door, then you'd need someone to buy you another house.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:23, archived)
Welcome to Tricky's World-o-cycline!

(thediscokingpin, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:25, archived)
Will something australian do?
Also: It's pub o'clock time so bye-bye!
(I helped save b3ta! Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:21, archived)
I could make you a wee animation if you like.
Cause you're lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 13:22, archived)
BEAR AWAY STICKS

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:26, archived)
why would you not want to make friends with a bear
I hear they give good hugs
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:28, archived)
I'll send you a postcard with suspicious stains on it

(I helped save b3ta! Derpasaurus DOG FARTS, Mon 11 May 2009, 13:28, archived)