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I think most b3tans would like to be me, and as ever without giving it all away, my lifestyle is yearned for the most.
But taking B3ta's unwilling champion JMG out of the picture.
Which b3tan would you most like to be?


Please. No perverted answers where you claim to be a female b3tan and touch your honkers all day long.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Me

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Asides yourself.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
Dude
you did ruin the only reason not to be oneself. I mean if you can't be a woman and play with a set of tits all day, what's the incentive ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
Robbing 90nz0.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
Of what ?
I think of him as a sort of less famous, shyer version of Jack Osbourne.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
Then who's SexFace?
Sharon Osbourne?
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
90nz0
They all have two accounts CANNY LAD HOW EH ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
ANT AND OR DEC AND ANT MAN?!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
They are both the same person
if you look at them on TV, you never see their feet.

That's cause they only have three between them, one each, one shared.

HOW MAN !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
Whatever Sammi's called
it would be fun being mental.
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
And deaf

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
+ with a face like the half melted waxwork of the elephant man

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
That's not fair or funny.
The elephant man had a disease, he didn't deserve to be treated like some sort of fucked-up animal sub-human.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
True
but he's dead so fuck him.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
always with the necrophilia

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:30, archived)
Whereas Sammi's a mental

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
cowfoot

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:53, archived)
Don't damage my winky

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
i shall damage it
if you insist on calling it a winky
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
How about donkle-dink?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
you can call yours
mini-ban
or theo-dong
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
MORE LIKE MAXI-DAN
It actually goes back inside my body when I sit up
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
Is pee-pee acceptable?

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
no
as it is not just used for peeing
call it 'the all-purpose pole of doom' or brian
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
I drank a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale the other day and thought of you.
I really do touch my honkers all day long, though.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
There should be a token collection scheme with them to get your own JMG action doll.
Brown Ale, not your tits.
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
Cr3 seems like the best B3tan to be.
He has all the luck.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
he's got DA TECHNOLOGIES!
If I was cr3 for a day i'd post Donkey Gums all my electrical goods c]:D
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
I'd be Donkey Gums then.
mwahahaha.
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
I wouldnt want to be another human being.
If I had to be someone else, I'd just pick the youngest, most healthy individual, purely for reasons of longevity.

HOW MAN YEZ ARE GANNIN DOON AT THE WEEKEND CANNY LAD !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
NAW MAN PET.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
HOWAY, YES MAN
FULHAM WIL SEND YIZ DOON !
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
Police Dog

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
Always one up on the typical internet.
Well done that GMoS!
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
If you became police dog
I'd kill you and bum you.

I am not ruling out these actions even if you dont become police dog.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
but if I become him, it's a guarantee right?

(I helped save b3ta! GrandmaOfShoes, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
It's not deal or no deal man !

(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
BAAAARK!

(Police Dog bark bark bark, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
*stabbity stab*
*bummity bum*
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
*stab proof vests*
lickerty licky snoff h
(Police Dog bark bark bark, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:08, archived)

GO GO POLICE DOG, NOW NOTHING CAN STOP YOU
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
spinny spinny spinny bark bark
licky snuffle sniffy snoffs!
(Police Dog bark bark bark, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:17, archived)
oh police dog
you always know just what to say
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
can we be a male b3tan and touch our moobs all day
whilst bouncing up and down in front of a mirror
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:54, archived)
DisGUSTing!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
you'd so want to be mykey
filming your moobs up close for people and then panning back slowly to show them the full picture
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
Smearing your moobs in pie gravy
then licking it off.

In front of a webcam.

With moohalaa looking on, wanking in front of his computer.
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:02, archived)
This is the way the internet will end.

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
well i'm spent

(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

sp b
(I helped save b3ta! Godzuki needs more sleep., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
how very dare you!
hello zuki, how've you been?
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
Theoban dressed as Cowfoot

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
HOT

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
Police Dog
I wonder if anyone would want to be me :S
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:55, archived)
haaaaa

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
i'll be you
you be me*,

we'll make a sitcom

*i may be getting the better deal, sorry
(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
Oh. I was going to say you.
I like singing.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
YOUSTILLCAN!
everyone's resons are different why you want to be b3tan's answer to a girly cockney fopster.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
I WANT TO BE DONKEYGUMS!

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
can i be donkeygums as well
we could all share being him
dibs on monday and tuesday
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:06, archived)
I'm fine with this.
When I'm not him, I shall be Blue Star.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:09, archived)
i'll be cr3 on a wednesday
jmg on thursday nights and azrael at weekends
i'll be myself the rest of the time but bou when i'm asleep for the crazy dreams
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
Donkey Gums
I'd rub my skinny knees at ladies all day and set up a kissing booth, while twirling my hair about.
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
:D

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
oh HELLO

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
Hello!
*waves shyly*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
how are you?
I hear it went on till closing time on friday? :)
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
Good thanks!
It did indeed. I ended up going someplace else and walking home to birdsong.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
much more hardcore than us
we got a curry and pootled home :)
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:04, archived)
Sounds delightfully civilised :)
It was good to meet you.
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:06, archived)
Fucking hell, a curry
That's my dinner plans sorted now. GOOD IDEA.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
Don't be daft.
You can't get curry in France!
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:17, archived)
I'll have to make it myself
Desperate times require desperate measures.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
So, Theoban makes curry?
*remembers*
(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:19, archived)
I do
And it comes out alright, if badly lit.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:20, archived)
Nice!

(I helped save b3ta! thealternativefact, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
you have failed to make it look like a smiley face
food fail
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:24, archived)
Promise you won't make it from people.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:33, archived)
he's in france
he can't make that promise
(Just Harry What should I put here?, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:33, archived)
I do actually do that quite a lot too.
My sparrow knees attract the laydeees.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
Cuffbert

(I helped save b3ta! Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:56, archived)
HATE

(I helped save b3ta! manolith hooray for me, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:58, archived)
I don't know, Jamster.
I'm going to go out and buy a drill, now.
(MooCow_Byter, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:57, archived)
GOOD MAN EVENT, THERE.
*Toolbelt*
(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 11 May 2009, 16:59, archived)
HE'S BUYING A MASSIVE MAN DRILL

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
How man, buy a mandrill man

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:00, archived)
the transformation is complete

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:01, archived)
Haha

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
cr3

could anyone please point me to some sites like smouch.net/lol, or moldymen?
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
try smouch.net/lol & moldymen

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:05, archived)
Whore.

(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:08, archived)
shaddap
there were 2 nasty sites on here last night
(I helped save b3ta! weaver., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
GMoS
Cause he's climby-awesome
(I helped save b3ta! Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Mon 11 May 2009, 17:03, archived)
CHRIS FUCKING PACKHAM.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:07, archived)
TFS
So I could afford to live in Central London.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:07, archived)
You and sexface could whore yourselves out as a Gigolo tag-team.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
You'd make literally SOME money.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:16, archived)
This plan has it's flaws
but you only live once.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:21, archived)
One of the young ones so I can have a bash at my a levels again.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:10, archived)
You really shouldn't bring all your mates to be socially awquard and then get drunk, in the middle of doing an A-Level exam.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:11, archived)
You what, love?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
Bash, as in, having a go at doing something.... and Bash, as in, a bit of a party.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:14, archived)
OH I SEE
sorry Gonz, I'm knackered.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:15, archived)
Never mind, home time soon !
=)
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:22, archived)
but you wouldn't,
it would just mean you'd have to sit their A-levels for them.
(I helped save b3ta! Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:13, archived)
How long am I them?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:14, archived)
about 5ft 3"

(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:27, archived)
:O
good guess.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:32, archived)

I stalk you
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:32, archived)
I hoped so.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:39, archived)
I've thought about this for ages and I've got to say, they're all shit
so I'd like to be Jennifer Rush instead

Power of love is such a great song
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:11, archived)
Her with all the teeth?

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
not all of them
I mean, they probably wouldn't all fit in one mouth
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:14, archived)
Yet she somehow manages.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:14, archived)
Would you be able to sing it properly
while tweaking her nips with one hand and fingering her growler with the other though ?
(I helped save b3ta! Goatworrier had your mum and she was shit, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:13, archived)
Red Rocket
I hear he's dead sexy and all the birds fancy him and that.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:12, archived)
You're funny

(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:17, archived)
AND sexy.

(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
AND only a bit creepy

(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:20, archived)
You sound like my girlfriend.
Before she left.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:23, archived)
Glued Eel
then I'd empty his fridge, burn his house down and steal all his pogs.
(I helped save b3ta! Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:18, archived)
Anyone
and I'd use my new internet identity to validate my real one and therefore strike no. 10 off of the earlier list
(Goatse not a comedy account, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:19, archived)
no WAIT
I'd be Captain Wow

and I'd shut the fuck up for once
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:27, archived)
there's an ignore button if you give a shit enough.

(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:34, archived)
oops
nerve, hit
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:39, archived)
Not really
just considering how ineffectual you are. Whine moan whinge blub cry about something you can easily change, yet you still don't change it. Meh.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:41, archived)
I'm not moaning
truth is, I'm quite impressed

I'm amazed anyone can find the time to be top of the stats pages for both /talk and /board for almost an entire week and still have nothing particularly interesting to say

good work there, keep it up! but maybe spend some time spreading the lurve on qotw and /links too. and maybe add a calendar event or two.
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:49, archived)
Nah, not when I get such a good reception from you.
If anything, I should devote more time to you.

I don't quite get the whole 'grumpy grumpy oh I am such a grumpy little man' thing, but if that's your Internet Persona, I'm all ears.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:50, archived)
don't feel you need to single me out for special treatment
I mean, there must be a good ten or eleven posts in this page that you haven't replied to yet
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:53, archived)
Oh but I must. That's how you do it, right?
Decide on a person that hasn't actually wronged you in any way, and then bore them to tears?

I know, I know.

Anyway, calm down, I'm going home now to play music and be constructive. You and the rest of the Superior Internet People* (I'm surprised those words will even agree to be seen with each other) can breathe a sigh of relief.

*don't forget their senses of humour.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:54, archived)
haha, you're shit at everything

(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 18:02, archived)
I'd be Gilgamesh and chisel by stone like grumpy face into a smile
Might wear some cowboy boots too.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:29, archived)
I'm nice really!
/ac`
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:33, archived)
You're only nice when you've recently pushed a spastic into some nettles
I may have to hang around your local nettle patch daily to rectify this.
(I helped save b3ta! Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:35, archived)
Boys, I don't mean to holler at ya.
When this caper's over - and I'm sure it'll be a successful one - we'll get down to the Hawaiian Islands, hell, I'll roll and laugh with all of ya. You'll find me a different character down there. Right now, it's a matter of business.
(I helped save b3ta! Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:44, archived)
I'd be Marcus' Dad

(I helped save b3ta! Imhotep is Invisible - Consider this a divorce, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:32, archived)
I'd be Friz

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:37, archived)
I'll help you.
I think it'll have to be a team effort.
(I helped save b3ta! RR I love you ... in a way, Mon 11 May 2009, 17:39, archived)