things to take to glastonbury.
i am a bit worried about phones and cameras and things. obviously it would be brilliant if i could take my ixus and my holga and my nikon and my iphone but i am a bit worried about thievery. last time i went to glastonbury my wallet got nicked from my tent. it had £7 in it at the time.

what do YOU recommend i take?
( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

Condoms

( SuperMatt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

Femidom

( SuperMatt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

Diaphragm

( SuperMatt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

Clingfilm + Elastic Band

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

Tinfoil if I want to pretend to be a robot when having sex.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

so all the time then?

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

95%
Sometimes I sneeze on myself and pretend I'm a slug.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

well, you have to mix it up
or it gets boring
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

Just be careful if I ever sneeze near you, coz that means it's 'Slug TIme'...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

i'm going to cover piston broke in pepper at the chbash
so you'll have to 'slug' him

BWA HA HA
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

I don't think he's coming
All that happens is he annoys everyone and goes to bed at 9pm, drunk after a sniff of shandy.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

i can't say i'm disappointed
i met him in oxford once

i'll pepper supermatt instead!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:09, archived)

9PM? That crazy cat.
I'd be tucked up by 8pm, and if any of you bloody kids make any racket, then god help you.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

well duh.

( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:40, archived)

dead right
they are excellent for carrying water in.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

And the spermicide adds a nice tang

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

you can get 20 litres in one without it bursting.


(presumably in case you've had a really, really barren spell and when you finally do get to blow your bags you loose off the equivalent of 10 big coke bottles worth of spaff)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

If I ever run out of pertol and have to walk to the nearest station I'll remember to jam the nozzle in my johnny.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

I filled up my bike for the first time the other day
SIX POUNDS, it cost me. SIX!
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

£6!?!?!? you lucky shit!
Mine is well economical and that's £35 a pop. My mate does £120 a week in petrol and doesn't use his car for work :S
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:06, archived)

I no!
It took all of three seconds to fill up, too. That gives me about 100-140 miles, apparently.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

Don't rotate the nozzle when bored like what I did. It got stuck once for ages and I was trying to tug it out whilst getting strange looks :S

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

haha
I got petrol EVERYWHERE but luckily it evaporated right off.

Then I got home and dropped it and snapped the brake lever off and it spilled everywhere. NOT SO STYLISH NOW.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:18, archived)

a castle
that'll stop people stealin' your stuffs
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

*draws up plans for moat and turrets*

( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

i'll make sure not to recommend anyone else takes a trebuchet

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

The address of the hotel you've booked in to so that you don't have to live like a refugee,
and a number for a taxi.
( Neptune A dole queue dosser and foul mouthed chav., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

Sandwiches and porn

(__, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

Flamethrower
Something to tempt middle class psuedo-hippies into your line of fire
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

Phone with a camera in it, keep it on you. Same with wallet.
I'm just bringing a couple of bin liners for V this year and shack up with girls.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:41, archived)

im thinking i might get a disposable camera and take the holga with a few films.
i have an old phone somewhere, probably with a working sim.
( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

I'm going to use my brain camera and shut my eyes really tight to remember things like what my mum taught me.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

then you can draw it all in crayon when you get home
and it'll get stuck to the fridge
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

YAY :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

i'd very much like to see a DG rendering of a festival experience

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

I would use pasta shapes

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

i'm sure it will be 'very creative'
the compliment of death
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

WHOA! I WANNA BELLY MADE OF GOLD!

( GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

A sense of perspective
It's not a religious experience, it's loads of bands playing. Also, referring to it as 'Glasto' when you return, while recounting tales of heroic drug abuse and sweaty bouncing near the front, only marks you out as a wanker of the lowest possible order. I hope you have a lovely time.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:42, archived)

i have been before! i mostly intend to wander round grubby and inebriated with my boyfriend and my brother and his girlfriend

( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:43, archived)

That's the ticket
Try and keep clean though. Smelly people are evil.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:45, archived)

Although binky is an appropriate name for someone involved in glasto
'Oh binky you should have been there! Seb and theo got so drunk on lager they slipped and fell on my tent! Oasis were smashing.'
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

Nigel Blackwell has a good take on the issue
"You call Glastonbury “Glasto”
You’d like to go there one day
When they’ve put up the gun towers
To keep the hippies away"
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

Id go to this sort of thing if it werent in a field
If it wasnt expensive
If there werent hippies
If there were free pie
If it was mandatory that all females went topless.

Oh yes and if it werent in the back of beyond.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

It is very, very expensive

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

There are plenty of far more expensive ways to go on a week's holiday,
and most of them don't involve more top bands than you can shake a stick at.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

My problem is that I used to watch three ace bands for 50p
This is me in 1983 doing just that. I'm very, very old you know.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

haha you had to go and see '80s bands though

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

Those were Bradford's premier punk bastards, The Convulsions
Good times indeed.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

pfft

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

a tent
a sleeping bag
a week's worth of clothes
wellies
your tickets.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:43, archived)

oh and some sort of little torch,
a roll of toilet paper and some of that hand cleaner stuff that doesn't need water.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:45, archived)

an overdose

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:43, archived)

of FUN!

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

phew, i think you saved me there, nearly offence, no offence

( mongychops, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:45, archived)

i got your back

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:46, archived)

Richard is going too.
Wear a tee shirt saying "Hello Richard, your podcast is shit."
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

what if she accidentally walks past richard herring?
he might get very sad
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

Still applies.

( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

Kagoul, painkillers, scarf and hat, more dry socks than you'll ever need (wrapped in plastic bags)
Also, I'd take a couple of packets of pop tarts or something foil wrapped, just in case you lose your money and are hungry.

Oh, and 4 lighters, a ball of blue twine and gaffa tape.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

I LIKE THIS. this looks helpful.

( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:45, archived)

I would also take several light cardis, if you've got some.
You can layer them for warmth, or just wear one if it's a bit nippy.
Edit: can't believe I forgot

BABY WIPES
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:46, archived)

JUST INCASE YOU NEED TO CLEAN A MUCKY BABY

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

Or have a whore's bath.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

I'm going to have one of those.
Only I'm actually going to clean myself in a basin full of slags.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

Gums, you can do better.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

He doesn't want to.
That's the problem.

:(
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

He's what my nan would call
a bonny wee lad.

I'm still a bonny wee lass, and I'm about half a foot taller than her.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

She only calls me that because I always wee in my bonnet

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

Does anyone know where I can get a cauldron full of supermodels?

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

I said you can do better than slags.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:03, archived)

Ok ok ok,
Erm, a tupperware full of nuns?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:08, archived)

u odels
( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

/gay Obelix

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:10, archived)

ebay

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

I hope you will cool the slag enough before you get in
It would be terrible to see you looking like V :'(
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

Dirty Babies Must Be Cleaned Vol 6
Niche pron indeed, sir
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

It was the nappymen that made it I feel.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

Lots of drugsLOL

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:44, archived)

It doesn't matter what you take, Binky
as long as it's always on your person, not in your tent. But I wouldn't take your big cameras, too bulky to carry all the time.

And make sure the inside of your tent is an absolute state and you don't leave anything actually in your rucksack.

Also, when some arse steals your toothbrush at 3 in the morning because he's ripped to the tits on drugs and that, don't chase him a hundred yards and THEN work out you are naked. Try and do it the other way round. got the toothbrush back, mind you
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

I've buried things in plastic bags UNDER my tent before now.
Just under the corner. Worked, too.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:47, archived)

I've only once had a problem
when someone robbed all the stuff from my freinds tent while she was asleep in it, which was a bit cunty.

Mostly I've found having a massive group in a tent circle and making sure the inside of each tent looks like a bomb site is the ticket. 99% of the thieving wankers want to be in and out in a second with a full rucksack and sort it later. they aren't going to fish through my worn pants hoping for a 'teenth of rubbish resin.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

Exactly
I've only ever had stuff nicked from outside my tent before, and even then that was only the one solitary flip flop I'd managed to make it back there with.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

A copy of the beano and a flask of weak lemon drink.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:48, archived)

binoculars, there are some interesting birds in the area
one of those see-through cases you wear around your neck with a map in
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

I suggest not going.
/went once and hated it.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

Controversial.
Are you sure it was Glastonbury and not Reading or Leeds or something?
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

Nah.
It was Glasto alright. I think it was partly to do with the weather and partly to do with my mates doing my head in.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

yeah,
the weather "could have been better" when I went, I've never seen so much mud in all my life. I'm glad our tent wasn't right next to the path, at least.

Reading and Leeds tend to have riots, and people push the portaloos over when there are people in them. Which you really wouldn't want to happen. At least Glastonbury is relatively well-behaved.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:55, archived)

Can't speak for Leeds
but Reading has more "friendlier" riots. They tend to mass and then go round shouting a lot, flash mobbing and drumming on bins. Yes, you do get the pricks who wreck tents and steal shit and this has been on the increase since Reading has become more commercial. But generally, there is a good vibe, community spirit and all that and good times to be had if you can avoid the pricks.

I've never heard of people pushing over portaloos with people still inside at Reading.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

My brother has stories from Leeds
about people setting fire to the loos, and them melting and a fountain of shit coming out of the hole in the top. And people tipping over the cash machine security van. And a full deployment of riot police.
I don't think I'll be going to that one.
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

I've watched it done at Reading
it has happened every year I've been near the place, and I used to work there backstage.

the last time I did it someone upped the ante and burned a whole row of portaloos down. I've never been back.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

I know Sunday nights and the Monday's can be just great infernos
but it has been, for the most part, civil. But it is getting nastier.

I'm not going this year and Mrs Eddache and I are going on holiday. Next year we may go since it'll be the last one before I'm married so we may make it a stag weekend. Failing that, there's always Download.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:16, archived)

I've said this before and been shouted down
but it's to do with the bands they have there as well as the overall attitude of the festival.

Reading and Leeds tend to specialise in the kind of Nu-Metal that appeals to 15 and 16 year old wankers who'll happily get pissed on half a can of cider and burn down the campsite because that's "edgy and cool and rebellious, man" ... before they fuck off back to their parents detached house just outside Windsor and finish their A-Levels and become accountants.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:01, archived)

HOW DARE YOU!
I became a quantity surveyor. Father said it was a more reliable field to go into.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

Yep, I think you've probably hit the nail on the head.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:28, archived)

are you sure you were eating lasagne, and not a huge steaming pile of hey-strewn horse manure?

(likeajackhammer, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

pfft

( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

I recommend only taking things you wouldn't mind losing
unless you plan to carry everything with you all the time.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:49, archived)

me and cr3 are going to Get Loaded in the Park. I've not been to an outdoorsy music festival before
even if it's only a 1-day thing.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

Will cr3 be carrying you everywhere?

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

depends how drunk I get

( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:13, archived)

:D

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:21, archived)

Have fun, poppet.
I keep meaning to go to Towersey, which isn't far from me, but I always forget.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

i'm going to latitude, again
because it's an ace festival

also end of the road probably
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

I've never been
I'd like to do Wacken again, if I could be guaranteed not running into my ex.

Supersonic again next year, I'm too broke this year and it might've already gone.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:57, archived)

Latitude doesn't look as good a line up as last year.
/still hurting about that
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:58, archived)

yeah last year was the holy grail of festivals
something that ace only happens once in a lifetime
/mean

nah, it was good but you're only really upset about elbow, and you've seen them a bunch of times now
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:05, archived)

SHUT UP.
No, Interpol were on too, remember.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:07, archived)

oh i remember
you don't forget something like that in a hurry!
( manolith hooray for me, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:14, archived)

This first line would be my recommendation for life.

( Flapjack I spay a little mare for you, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

I try to live by it
but then I lose my iphone down the back of the sofa and have a little cry.
( spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)

Your cats
To act as guarddogcats for your stuff.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:50, archived)

One of them camelpack water thingys full of tea.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:51, archived)

OMG GOOD PLAN RR

( sleepybinky, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:52, archived)

very much this but
teagin or pimms.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:54, archived)

Pimms.
For flailing in the mud, covered in your own vomit in a more refined way.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

ME

( RR I love you ... in a way, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

Lots of clean socks.
Put on a fresh pair before going to sleep each night.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:53, archived)

And I'd recommend keeping you valuables (phone & wallet etc) on you at all times.
At other festivals, I slept in a sleeping bag fully clothed with the items in my pockets. Thieves are less likely to root through your pockets to risk waking you up.

Also, on the first night, try and stay up as late as possible. Thieves won't go near you if you're still up and the first night is always the one they prefer to strike since people will have more money on them then.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:56, archived)

Well now i can see why people go to such things, i believe the newest Glastonbury advert slogan is:
Give us cash and we'll ensure you'll fear for your belongings and health.

Also: Some bands.
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 9:59, archived)

It's just being sensible.
I've never had anything stolen from me in the 5/6 years I've been going. I've once had someone try to get into my tent but I was awake and he quickly ran off.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:02, archived)

Hitch up one of those attack alarms to the zip
But get a custom one to play the car alarm from Phoenix Nights.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:12, archived)

Dunno, I'm going for the first time since '98
but I'm camping in the backstage area on account of being too sexy for the general public.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:00, archived)

COR!

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

For FREE.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:19, archived)

tethered bears

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

nobody from here...
they'll just whinge and eat your rations.... and then your money.... and your tent...
(likeajackhammer, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:04, archived)

But tents are so tasty
With all their nylony goodness
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:11, archived)

I'm going to Glastonbury
WOOOO
(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 10:22, archived)