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# do colibries
like grammophone players?
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:42, archived)
# tj: anyone heard any jokes?
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# why do elephants paint their feet yellow?
so they can hide upside down in pots of custard
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# how do you know if an elephant has been hiding in your custurd?
yellow footprints on the carpet
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# how do you know if an elephant
has been eating your custard?

There's none left!! (well, they're big bathtubs, aren't they??!)
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# what's grey and comes in pints



an elephant.

although telling this joke after a load of elephant jokes ruins it a bit
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# YUK!!!
Funny but YUK!

man goes to a fancy dress part dressed only in a pair of y's... he says

'I'm a premature ejaculation...I've just come in my pants'!!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# man goes to a fancy dress party
giving a piggy-back to a girl.
"What have you come as?"
"A snail"
"Who is that on your back?"
"Michelle"
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# tee hee hee!
me like lots!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# man goes to a fancy dress party
wearing brown paper, a cowboy hat & a gunbelt...


I've come as a rustler.
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# it's small, orange
and it's constantly yelling: "I'm an Orange"




a megalomaniac mandarin
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# What is E.T. short for?






He's got little legs.
(I helped save b3ta! Nath, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# I took my practical gynaecology exam last week









scraped it...
(I helped save b3ta! Reverend Dan, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:26, archived)
# Top joke.
That is all.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# there's
two pizza's in a microwave.

one says: damn it's hot in here

the other: how odd, a talking pizza!




/coats
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# two chicken sandwiches walking down the road
"Where do you live?"
"I'm not telling you- you'll nick my washing"
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:03, archived)
# why do elephants paint their feet pink
to hide in strawberry fields.


ever seen an elephant in a strawberry field?
see? it works.
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# works with cherry trees as well
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# what's the most confused animal in the jungle?
the polar bear
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# it's yellow, bent and definitely not a banana



secretly, a banana
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# Yeah
What's a shitsu?




A zoo with no animals!!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:43, archived)
# good one!
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# YAY!
What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Nacho Cheese!!! (say in american type accent)!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# lol
fuck off :D
(I helped save b3ta! notshitashi OMOH, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# why feck off?
Not taking the pee - just hard to tell in typing and not saying... know what I mean?
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# I remember whole set up to that punchline
based on the large boxes of Velveeta cheese they give out in aid packages. It involves a busstop and someone taking the cheese and someone running after yelling "that's not yo cheese! That's not you cheese"... "nacho" cheese.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# How do you make a red-neck scream?
Punch his sister in the jaw.
(dawn_syndrome dawn_syndrome, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# yes thankyou for asking
[edit] this is rather gay but my science teacher thought it was one...

any way...
on electron says to another electron
"are you sure you're and electron?"
the other replies
"yes im positive"
(I helped save b3ta! ?, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:44, archived)
# you mean
a proton.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# electrons are
negative. that should be "protons".
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# notorious fibbers
electrons
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Neutron walks into a bar, says "I'll have a pint of Carlsberg Export, a JD and coke and a pack of salted peanuts please."
Barman says, "For you sir, no charge."
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# that's
quite atrocious.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# Looks like
you're going to fail science then.

electrons are negative
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Descartes walks into a bar, says "Hello everyone, I am the famous philosopher Descartes. You may have heard of me, or read one of my many works."
Bloke at bar says "Well, in that case you can afford to buy us all a drink, can't you?"
Descartes says "Ha! I think not!" and vanishes.
(_, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# I love that one
makes me feel all warm and clever!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# What's E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:45, archived)
# ho ho
.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:47, archived)
# bet you're glad you asked?
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:48, archived)
# why do mice have small balls?
not many of them can dance.
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.


What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys eating cherries.
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:46, archived)
# what does an elephant do if it gets stuck in a tree?
stands on a leaf and waits for autumn
(I helped save b3ta! evil pixie, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# gawd. why shouldn't you play cards in the jungle?
because it's full of cheeters.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# why can't a car play football
cos it's only got one boot... groan!
(funkylins, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# it's bloody not,
the bloody things live in the savannah. like the lion - how is it the king of the jungle when it doesn't bloody live in the jungle?
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# We're really
digging out the 20 year old jokes now!
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# why do penguins walk softly?
because they can't walk, hardly.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:49, archived)
# British Rail
(oh how I laughed) ;)

Why did the squirrel squeal and roll around in agony?

Someone had pinched his nuts.
(I helped save b3ta! Professor Fnord Regius Professor of B3ta Chronology, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:50, archived)
# What has a hazelnut in every bite?
Squirrel shit!
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:51, archived)
# why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead
(son of crazymum, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:52, archived)
# why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was tied to the first one.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
he thought it was a game.
(martian, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# Why did the pervert cross the road?
He still had his dick in the chicken
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# Why did the cat cross the road?
It was stapled to the pervert.
(I helped save b3ta! wayward., Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# Why are there no asperins in the jungle?
Because willows grow in a temperate climate.


sorry.


Because the parrots et 'em all (say it fast)
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# Where do they Iraqis keep their armies?
In their sleevies.
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# what's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
finding half a worm

what's worse than that?
gang rape
(I helped save b3ta! bananaman, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:54, archived)
# what did the 0 say to the 8?

nice belt
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:55, archived)
# what did the 1 say to the 11?
whose your friend?
(I helped save b3ta! Artamnesia, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:56, archived)
# what did the 1 say to the 10?
whose your fat friend?
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:01, archived)
# what's brown and taps on your bedroom window?
poo on stilts.
(I helped save b3ta! baby wet ones, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 17:57, archived)
# What do you have if
you've got a moth ball in one hand and a moth ball in the other hand?

The world's biggest moth.
(Fuzzbutt aka Mr. Natural, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:06, archived)
# What do you have if you have
1 green ball in one hand and 1 green ball in the other?

The undivided attention of the Jolly Green Giant or Kermit the frog
(I helped save b3ta! Duncan Disorderly, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:13, archived)
# Sean Connery's been out of work for a while so he's really pleased when, one day, his agent rings
'It's a pretty good gig' says the agent, 'but you have to be there for 10ish'

'Tennish?' frowns Sean. 'Buth I haven't even got a racket...'
(Judge Nutmeg, Wed 11 Jun 2003, 18:25, archived)