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I dun pimped a car... a bit

Since my hummus levels have slipped below zero

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:03, archived)

mmm....bendy

i started doing a car picture last night
i may finish it this evening
/dull old cunt

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:04, archived)

i started this un a fortnight ago, and forgot about it

/duller cunt

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:04, archived)

I have a picture of a daimler I started drawing in March, and I haven't finished it yet

(

davew27 hevosen kuva!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:20, archived)

Daimlers always take ages to start

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:21, archived)

It's a breed of dog I've never really liked

to be honest

(

Hamster Trippin' aka Mr. Titts, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:21, archived)

yeah

it's the hooves that put me off

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:25, archived)

and all those bloody scales...

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:28, archived)

Yeah but they do make good grocers.

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:29, archived)

This ones for real

(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:55, archived)

Dave?

(

cooler_king That's no moon!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:04, archived)

a friend of mine did the same thing with his mini

not quite as well as this though..

(roband dropped the screw in the tuna, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:04, archived)

I wanna hire that for my birthday.

But right now......

Bed.

Bye!

(

Black Moon Not cracked, I'm all up to be., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:08, archived)

That's great!

Until you get to a sharp bend...

Did you ever remember what you wanted to ask me by the way?

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:09, archived)

have you got any tentacles?

(

bilbobarneybobs I'll be 14 in b3ta years soon., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:11, archived)

Not that I know of...

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:16, archived)

~~nta~~ sti

(

Damien's Hearse, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:23, archived)

Yes..

I keep them in a jar in the attic.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:28, archived)

Is a 1 bedroom medium sized flat with sea views worth £625 a month?

Or should I look elsewhere?

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:14, archived)

Sea views of what?

Monaco... yes
Weston-super-Mare... no

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:16, archived)

The isle of wight/portsmouth

And it is unethical to keep a kitty in said flat?

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:17, archived)

Can be

but a lot of cats like it indoors and never notice the difference.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:18, archived)

I really want a kitty though.

Can you take cats for walks?

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:21, archived)

I've walked a cat but it's a pain in the arse

Agoraphobic cats are available from your nearest cat rescue centre.

(Pachey, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:23, archived)

so what, get a kitty and take it for walks

or get a kitty that refuses to go outside

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:24, archived)

Take it for walks...

It'll get used to it.

Agoraphobic ones will just hide the whole time.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:33, archived)

You're right there, I don't think an indoor kitty would be all of the happies

And walks would be tricky

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:35, archived)

the second one

walking a cat isn't good for you or the cat.

And is no use as a pulling aid. :(

(Pachey, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:34, archived)

That sounds like a voice of experience

*knocks spinster fairies out of ear*
ne'ermind...

(

cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:36, archived)

it depends

if you get a kitten and train it from a young age they'll follow you about.

my mums neighbour always walks his cats leadless, very funny to see.

(

Brain_Error where the fuck has summer gone to??, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:37, archived)

Yes.

As stupid as it sounds, you can buy leads/halters for them.

(

OneSullenBrit *air sandwiches*, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:23, archived)

in theory, yes

on a leash.

in reality, they clearly hate it.

(

The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:23, archived)

yes.

but it's fucking funny.

(

Damien's Hearse, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:26, archived)

our cat used to come for walks

but then had to be carried home

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:26, archived)

Cats are fine indoors

unless they've previously been used to going outside.

Our cats are indoor cats (until we can afford a flat with a garden, at least) and they're fine. It might be a good idea to get two so they keep each other company.

(

Afinkawan Yes I can hear you Clem Fandango, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:30, archived)

Well we're thinking of a kitten at first

so hopefully it can get used to being indoors.

As long as keeping a kitty in the flat doesn't make me some kind of kitty hitler

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:32, archived)

You're probably best off asking the RSPCA than us tbh

(Pachey, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:35, archived)

Well yea

I just don't want to ask and then get chased out of the building my animal rights activists

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:36, archived)

You in Portsmouth?

I'd say it's a tad over the odds, but the sea-view is great - go for it.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:17, archived)

Yea they are nice

and parking is reasonable.
Currently it resides on if I can keep a kitty in there

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:22, archived)

my flat is called Seaview Cottage

it's a basement flat

60 miles from the sea

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:18, archived)

You should paint a seaview over the windows

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:19, archived)

hahaha

when I lived in London, the people in the house across the road used to look through my window with a telescope

so I drew a giant moon and stuck it in my window

the nosy bastards

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:20, archived)

fucking hell, that's well out of order

i'd have put up a 'fuck off you nosey cunts' sign

or a print out of tubgirl

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:23, archived)

haha

they'd probably appreciate tubgirl

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:27, archived)

hahah!

/pisses self

(

GrandmaOfShoes, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:25, archived)

Seems a bit steep for a single bedroom

going halves with the missus?

Don't bother, more to sunny southampton, we're less likely to stab you for looking at us funny like

(

Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:45, archived)

Southampton?

I'd sooner live in Middlesborough.

Nothing personal, just that old habits die hard.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:46, archived)

Nah...

I was probably gonna ask you to do one of your gig reviews on me, but since you don't know me it would have been a pointless attention seeking task.

Much like this post

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:15, archived)

*gives attention*

That'll be £3 and its due back on friday evening

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:16, archived)

Or what!!!????

Eh? Eh?

You'll get it back when I'm good and ready.

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:29, archived)

There'll be heavy fines nex time you wish to have someone else's attention

Heavy!

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:31, archived)

Well I didn't know anyone else I wrote about...

Joe Scaramanga - O2 Wireless Festival - 16/06/07

Scaramanga the man or Scaramanga the legend? That's the question on everyone's lips as the festival draws to a close. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife in Hyde Park, and after daft Punk have done their silly robot thing, on comes Scaramanga.

The light show kicks off, nearly blinding the audience and causing Prodigy 69 to complain bitterly - but for those who still have retinas remaining, the shap of a lone JS taking the stage cause a frenzy of excitement.

Opening with "You'll Never Need A Merkin If You Don't Shave First" the overdriven ukelele of Scaramanga lifts the clouds from the skies and lets the moon beam down on his congregation. As one hit begets another, it's not long before the entire crowd is singing along, lighters in the air.

An ill-judged comment about Hitler aside, this is a spectacular night that will live long in the memory, and closer "Shmerg Shmerg Shmerg Song" leaves the crowd eager for more. Top Drawer work.

4.5/5

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:28, archived)

JOYS!!!!

Ta...

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:30, archived)

Arf!

these really are splendid.

(

Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:31, archived)

Danke schone

I'm saving them all for my portfolio...

One day I'll write for Melody Maker.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:37, archived)

hahaha

ace
*illegally downloads the 'shmerg shmerg shmerg song'*

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:32, archived)

Have you seen the video?

It's awesome.

the bit where the train blossoms into an Intercity 125 gets me every time.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:38, archived)

how I miss the Intercity...

(

cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:44, archived)

Needs more

Melody Maker-style dry irony that's terribly witty, utterly cynical, and completely egotistical.

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:38, archived)

Or possibly some Mr. Agreeable style rant?

He was always the best bit.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:42, archived)

All MM staff need to form a band and get a review from Q.

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:46, archived)

"Now then MM Staff"

I've been developing a new guitar. Pick it up...

*guitar fires missile into NME offices*

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:48, archived)

aren't all rooms room temperature?

(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:15, archived)

Yes.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:17, archived)

cold rooms?

walk-in-ovens?

(

The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:21, archived)

Room temperature is strictly speaking the temperature of the room...

therefore, yes - even walk in ovens and cold rooms are room temperature.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:30, archived)

Two trains are leaving london kings cross....

one is travelling at 60mph and the other is travelling at 50mph... which one is carrying Jam!?

(likeajackhammer, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:16, archived)

50mph train

The jam is a derivative of lead soup, and thus the extra weight slows down the train containing it.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:18, archived)

how many pounds of butter would you need to make a loaf of bread as big as an elephant?

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:17, archived)

African or Indian?

A lot either way. I'd guess roughly 600?

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:19, archived)

it's a trick question.

Elephants do not contain butter.

(

Damien's Hearse, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:27, archived)

Hahaha

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:28, archived)

In Soviet Russia, butter contains you!

(

Damien's Hearse, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:45, archived)

What is the difference between stuff and things?

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:19, archived)

Stuff implies a collectivisation.

Things can be more distinct items

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:20, archived)

Nearly my answer

I think

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:22, archived)

Things are a just an array of doodads

Stuff has a collective connection

Maybe? I don't know.

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:20, archived)

stuff is like material or a liquid

so wood is stuff, as is water.

bric-a-brac is things.

(

The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:22, archived)

Does that work?

Water can't be stuff surely, Water is made up of stuff.

Can you even get collective water. Waters? Hmmm

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:26, archived)

i haven't a thing to wear

non of my stuff fits

is clothing things and stuff?

(

god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:29, archived)

Clothing is something of a crossover...

It is both implied collective, and also individual items - for example you can put different items of clothes together.

All your clothes are 'stuff'

a selection of clothers to wear would be your 'things'

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:35, archived)

yes

water is made of water. it's a recursive definition.

things are made of stuff. stuff is made of stuff.

(

The Alchemist king of the needlessly complicated, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:32, archived)

So you're saying "Things" are two or more "thing" and Stuff is a collection of things

(

AutoPrawn is glad we're living in the future now, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:33, archived)

Did I leave a tin of chicken soup at the checkout in tescos last night,

or was it never even in my basket?

(

i_yam_bucket doo wah diddy diddy wah wah diddy doo, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:22, archived)

Check the receipt.

If it went through the till, you left it.

If it didn't, it was never even there - ghost soup.

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:32, archived)

*orders twelfty*

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:39, archived)

Ha ha

DELIVERY DAY:

"Oi! where's my soup?"

"Right in front of you, it's ghost soup."

"Oh."

(

Sonic James Doom forgetting the date since... umm..., Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:44, archived)

When I joined b3ta, no one did pictures of cars

But now everyone does pictures of cars

I'm going to make everyone draw planes next.

(

davew27 hevosen kuva!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:18, archived)

I don't.

/Life of Brian blog

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:19, archived)

they're getting older

next it'll be there first house, the wife, the kids, that nice garden they've been looking after, the funerals they've been attending...

(Mehitabel_Itrang, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:20, archived)

I've got a vegetable patch in my garden...

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:30, archived)

*jealouses*

I want a vegetable patch

mind you, I'm the only person in my block of flats who actually has a garden

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:34, archived)

Ace

Do you sit out there drinking Pimms and laughing at them?

That's what we do, cos we've got the b iggest garden on the street.

(

Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:38, archived)

hahah

once we get our new fence to keep the chavs out and our nice new bench, we'll be all set for smug bastard poses

(

Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:40, archived)

Yeah and all the wheelchairs are rusting.

Etc.

(

Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:45, archived)

i dun unpimped a car

(coobeastie Used to Be in Evil Gazebo, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 11:47, archived)

Yay for car shortening.

(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 12:01, archived)

nicely

woo!

(

Bloop Fri 16 Jul, 22:10, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 12:02, archived)

heheheh

fat bastard

(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 12:07, archived)

(THIRTY-TWO - Sputnik -, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 12:18, archived)

not you

the car... it looks like all its sports car mates would call him fatty..

*shruggs*

(ShavenLunatic says touch your nose!, Tue 19 Jun 2007, 12:21, archived)