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# allow me to indulge my emo side briefly
ladywoman has gone back to italy for easter and I'm lonely :(



I did post this last night but I've added more too it today
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:00, archived)
# Ow. :(
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:02, archived)
# Do I change my name?
drop the "sir"?
yes, I think so.
The only reason it was there because I got imaginarily knighted by a (lovely) /talker that no longer frequents anywhere much, and frankly it is a bit of a mouthful isnt it?

Those for and against?...

Do I really need your approval?

why do I end most sentences with a question mark?

(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:10, archived)
# BUT YOU ARE SIR PIGEON NIPPLES. IT'D BE ALL WRONG CHANGING IT.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# on this alone I shall not change a thing.
Like my wife, ye shall shall have to put up with a mouthfull.
/poor attempt at humour blog
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:12, archived)
# My wife is a ham. A robot ham.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:16, archived)
# *envies*
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:20, archived)
# OH FUCK. I HAVE HICCUPS.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:23, archived)
# This totally sucks.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:24, archived)
# write an elaborate back story about how you lost your title
in a fight ... with and astronaut
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:13, archived)
# oh,
this IS good!

but I can not lie:(
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:14, archived)
# I can lie for you
for a small fee
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:16, archived)
# withnail and i
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# only if you changed it to Lord Pigeon Nipples
anything else is a demotion
(I helped save b3ta! WHTRZ Corp dosen't like the sound of Rupert watching porn, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# certainly not
it gives you an air of distinction, without it i wouldn't even bother reading the old bollocks you normally post. but as you're a sir it must be important and worthy of my time.
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# captain pigeon nipples?
you could pretend you are a pirate and everything
(I helped save b3ta! mongychops, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:18, archived)
# there's more than enough captains round here
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:19, archived)
# What kind of sad fuck would do that?
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:20, archived)
#
There is no political solution
To our troubled evolution
Have no faith in constitution
There is no bloody revolution

We
Arse pirates
In the material world

Our so-called leaders speak
With words they try to jail you
The subjugate the meek
But it's the rhetoric of failure

We
Arse pirates
In the material world
Arse pirates
In the material world
(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:24, archived)
# YARRR!
Fuck that mate.
Only one captain around these parts.
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:26, archived)
# Change it to sexy penguin nipples
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:21, archived)
# PHWOAR!
I do love myself ever so much
this could be quite fitting:)
But without the penguin replacement bit
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:24, archived)
# DO IT!
(I helped save b3ta! mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:58, archived)
# *hug*
ladywomens go back to Italy a lot, so I'm told. It'll be ok. Not long to go. This gives you time to make her something nice.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:02, archived)
# I'm thinking of learning more cooking
that seems like a nice thing to do
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:07, archived)
# That is a lovely thing to do.
I recommend salmon and gnocchi in garlic creme fraiche, it tastes much more impressive than it sounds and all you need to do is boil the gnocchi.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:09, archived)
# hardly cooking then is it?
'smore like preperation ...
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# Depends on how much of a poser you want to be about it.
I'd rather eat something that tastes fantastic and took five minutes than a jus of this and a coulis of that, which taste good but not good enough to warrant the hours of preparation.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:12, archived)
# where's Twig when you need him
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# also - I don't dispute it tastes nice
it sounds bloody lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# Don't get me wrong, cooking is one of the few things I am talented at
English, French, Japanese, lots of different types (my grandma was a chef and she taught me) but I simply don't have the time to cook properly any more.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:17, archived)
# pasties are my next target
then curry
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:22, archived)
# Quick tip:
learn how to make a simple dark chocolate torte. I know you're pretty much guaranteed , but all men should be able to make one. It Will Get You LAID.

And you're automatically sorted when dinner parties start happening.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:23, archived)
# Quickest cheesecake in the world
1 tub marscapone
icing sugar
vanilla essence
digestive biscuits
melted butter
round biscuit cutter.

1) smash a couple of digestive biscuits. Melt some butter and mix with biscuits. Put this mixture in the bottom of the biscuit cutter. Place in fridge
2) add vanilla essence and icing sugar to marscapone and keep tasting until it reaches desired yumminess. Spoon mixture on top of biscuit mix and leave in the fridge until required.
3) Put on serving plate and wipe round the side of the biscuit cutter with a warm cloth (or attack it with a blowtorch) just enough to allow the cheesecake to slip out of the cutter.

Can server with a strawberry on top if you so wish. But this takes minutes and tastes great!
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:31, archived)
# Suggestive biscuits
Pft
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:33, archived)
# Ahhhhh, you make it in the same way as I do!
Except I chuck hazelnuts in with the biscuits, but that's just because I love them.

You can put strawberries on the top, but I think the best one I did was when I put flumps and dolly mixtures in the mascarpone mix. Sugary as hell but ace.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:35, archived)
# Mmmm
*makes a note to buy flumps and dolly mixture next shopping trip*

That's my "bastard guests turning up at last minute! Quick! Make them tasty treats!" recipe.

I do have one which uses a mixture of cream cheese and greek yoghurt (cheesecakey goodness with half the heaviness and fewer calories) which impressed the in-laws so much, they thought it was shop bought *smug mode*
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:40, archived)
# I make my torte
with two good cooking chocolates and espresso coffee. Yummy.
(I helped save b3ta! Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:36, archived)
# I have never put coffee in it.
Unknown reason, but next time I shall do. Whilst drinking red wine and being shirtless.

Fuck it, I can be Manley AND you. Drinking red wine, shirtless, and telling manwife how thoroughly excellent I am.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:38, archived)
# He needs telling?!
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:43, archived)
# Findus crispy pancakes ftw
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:22, archived)
# Nomnomnom.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:24, archived)
# they still make them?
(I helped save b3ta! god save the queen making another unremarkable comeback, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:26, archived)
# I hope so!
*also adds findus crispy pancakes to shopping list*

Burning your mouth off on volcanically hot filling ftw!
(I helped save b3ta! Joliet, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:44, archived)
# Can I marry you?
(but only if you understand the offside rule)
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:27, archived)
# Oh I don't understand football at all.
I do come with a phone that has Aphex's number in, he understands it.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:29, archived)
# Deal
I'll book the reception, Now... What to eat?
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:32, archived)
# Not sweeties.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:35, archived)
# But I love sweeties
That's it
The wedding is OFF
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:38, archived)
# we did a simple macaroni cheese last night and it came out just *PERFECT*
(I helped save b3ta! mutster101 fell over, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# still life is difficult to master
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:13, archived)
# i love it when prefect accidently happens
i just made onions, peppers, chillis, pasta and parmasan last night and it came out perfect. just perfect.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:17, archived)
# i'm very much not a fish eater
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:15, archived)
# salmon isn't a real fish
it's a sort of aquatic meat
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:17, archived)
# that sounds like a monty python lyric
but I just can't stomach anything that lives underwater. there's a... quality to it i can't put my finger on.
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:19, archived)
# wet?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:20, archived)
# that could be it
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:22, archived)
# is this why the ladywoman has gone back to Italy? ;)
(I helped save b3ta! mutster101 fell over, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:18, archived)
# just got that
you old rogue :)
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:24, archived)
# Easy, swap the salmon for chicken or something.
It just won't be as tasty due to chicken being a boring bitch of a bird.

Erm.... Ooooh, you could do it with rough torn prosciutto.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:18, archived)
# chicken is great
especially before it's dead
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:21, archived)
# I like it, it's just not as flavourful as salmon.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:25, archived)
# aye
I had a lovely bit of Alaskan trout t'other night, with some nice pepper

now I have two king-size Twixes someone made me buy
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:29, archived)
# Oooooooooooooh sounds lovely.
I had chicken lasagne and salad.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:30, archived)
# Learn massage techniques
or painting... or tantra
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:12, archived)
# reflexology
Ifm you've got an ology malcolm...
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:35, archived)
# aw.
i'm sure she'll bring you back a nice piece of italian tat!
=D
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:02, archived)
# i have a case of primitivo wine on its way
Tom's Top tip: Girls who have fathers that own vinyards are good :)
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:10, archived)
# Top form. Marryhermarryhermarryher.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# bit soon for that, me dear
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:23, archived)
# i'm only joshing, silly.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:26, archived)
# Make intimate friends with your curtains instead.

Curtain love diminishes the need for womenfolks.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:02, archived)
# *scuffles with venetian blind*
Ohhhh, kinky.
(I helped save b3ta! Ttssattsr, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:04, archived)
# i have blinds here...
will they work?
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:04, archived)
# No. And you disgust me by suggesting it.
(I helped save b3ta! wheelybird mreee!, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:06, archived)
# *pulls pants up*
sorry mr bird
(I helped save b3ta! ivesb Highly specialised Clinical Physiologist crapbag, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:09, archived)
# it is not considered gentlemanly
to have knowledge of a man's daughter on the man's couch and then to wipe your cock on the curtains before leaving. I am told.
(I helped save b3ta! Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# quite right
any gentleman instinctively uses an antimacassar
(malvino warning profile may cause death an brain damage, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:17, archived)
# I've never used an anti macassar
And what have poeople got against macassars anyway
(Vinegar strokes Should know better on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:31, archived)
# they come over here and steal our jobs
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:32, archived)
# and they're involved in coverups
of all sorts of things, dubious to my mind
(malvino warning profile may cause death an brain damage, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:39, archived)
# have a wank instead
or abuse henry.
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:03, archived)
# I have a Henry.
I'd cuddle him protectively if he weren't all the way at the other end of the flat.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:04, archived)
# surely he'll stretch?
(I helped save b3ta! Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:09, archived)
# Well he will but I'd have to go and get him.
(I helped save b3ta! Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:09, archived)
# henry hoover?
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:05, archived)
# the old boy with the shopping bags?
(I helped save b3ta! HappyToast Groat froth, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# and the hoover
kinky threesome
(I helped save b3ta! Thor_sonofodin has done things, terrible things on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:17, archived)
# now you can go fuck little boys without her even knowing;)
*high five*
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:04, archived)
# And lets face
it. With the paedos dying off or being jailed there are many young boys going short of a fucking.
(I helped save b3ta! Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:09, archived)
# Buck up
/good at comforting advice blog
(I helped save b3ta! Prof UnderCover evitable, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:06, archived)
# \o/
super. Repost opportunity.

(I helped save b3ta! Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:08, archived)
# SHIT.
NEXT!

I was just talking about you today
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:11, archived)
# This is not uncommon.
(I helped save b3ta! Pasanonic 's been known to cause insanity in laboratory mice, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:12, archived)
# but I am not common
(I helped save b3ta! Sir Pigeon Nipples Did you sit in some sugar?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:14, archived)
# THIS MUST BE A RE-POST SHIT YOU MADE THIS MORNING THREAD OR SOMETHING.
(I helped save b3ta! Rapitinui get in the cage and I'll give you a treat, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:28, archived)
# Awww!
Mi dispiace!


(I helped save b3ta! Sir Aunty Grampa Dave the Hat - enjoying a post-meridian muncheon - Ta! Cannaoogim!?, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:13, archived)
# And you're not flying out with her, why, exactly?
(I helped save b3ta! J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:13, archived)
# cos i'm broke
and don't speak italian. I'm going out to Tuscany with her over summer though
(I helped save b3ta! Tom OBedlam I have control of a tank, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:40, archived)
# eh?
now is the time for booze, junk food, late nights, porn, weed and wanking! What's the problem?
(I helped save b3ta! Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Wed 19 Mar 2008, 12:30, archived)