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Now mandatory.

(rpozz, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:04, archived)

One of my first shops (hence the seams)

Just north of Blackpool. It's the same thing only the average age of people is in the mid-80s.

(waofy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:55, archived)

Who IS

this fucking fuck? You Brits' latest Big Brother castmember?

(the Angry Gumball Harmless American, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 22:01, archived)

Gunman on the run. Shot his ex, her boyfriend and a copper.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 22:07, archived)

Shirley Bindun

(Spud Diechmann joined in!, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:04, archived)

"Oh Miss Diana I gone an' off loaded my weapon all over yer fine dress an' all!"

seems you lot are too young for this (sigh)

(

maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:02, archived)

uncanny!

(Digireedoo Fuck off Zuowan, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:47, archived)

Bindun?

(

Chumps 👀, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:01, archived)

hehehe

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:06, archived)

Pfffft!

(

TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:12, archived)

Ha ha!

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:13, archived)

Haha:DD

(herman:D, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 23:04, archived)

he certainly doesn't stick out.

(

Octo I ruin everything., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:22, archived)

M04TLiT0

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:24, archived)

He's scary

(funkenstein Be pure! Be vigilant! Behave!, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:58, archived)

Ha-ha! Fuck!

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:01, archived)

It's The Sun wot done it

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drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:08, archived)

'robo moat's kill palace'

GENULOL

(

taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:09, archived)

Chortle!

I wanted to know how he looked Tarsierfied:

Turns out, no better...

(

..wil, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:26, archived)

at least those eyes fit his head better

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:26, archived)

Beat me to it so no longer worth a thread of its own

(

Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:06, archived)

lalalalalalaaaalllalaaa

(

maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:27, archived)

Perhaps he's cooped up in a remote house

looking on b3ta, and noting down everyone's name who shops him? Youre next, m'lad!

*kpow*

(

taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:37, archived)

do you think he could be :O

fears

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:52, archived)

RAOOOOOUULLLL!!!

(

TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:56, archived)

I know that guy.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:09, archived)

The copse!

(dodging)

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:03, archived)

Please wait while your tarsier shoppery is received and processed.

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:18, archived)

for some reason, this makes me feel slightly queasy

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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:19, archived)

Hahaha

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:19, archived)

That's excellent

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:28, archived)

That's fine that's fine that's fine that's fine I really love your buffer eyes

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:20, archived)

I like this

and have registered my likery by clicking the "click" button

(

Chumps 👀, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:05, archived)

All out of coffee

That's the image of Moat age 3, no real reason other than having read some news about it. Not living in the empire, I'd heard nothing of him before logging in here.

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

hahaha

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Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:19, archived)

Ah yes.

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:42, archived)

Wipe that face off your face!

(psst. compo it)

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:44, archived)

Nice super happy happy candle day to you, sirrah!

(macroscian (1 like), Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:49, archived)

Tack så mycket, macroscian..

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:00, archived)

Ttssattarsier

(MrGiggleBollocks less giggle, more bollocks, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:12, archived)

I hope that dog is okay.

(_Felix 's school of dance and occult sciences, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:13, archived)

COMPO IT YOU CUNT.

(

Bela Lugosi's Dad, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:14, archived)

OKAY.

(MrGiggleBollocks less giggle, more bollocks, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

i like his

paws/boots

(BumCoffee Portrait videographer, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:14, archived)

has he jusy been running fast

and screeched to a halt in his stylish pawlike boots?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

Tthhatt!

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:14, archived)

Needs personalised handwriting.

(

Christian's Bolt and Ski, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 22:04, archived)

(

Flash_Bastard, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:08, archived)

i've said it before and i'll say it again

on him, it doesn't look weird

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:09, archived)

Very

sexual

(BumCoffee Portrait videographer, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:14, archived)

Jessica Fletcher has let herself go a bit...

(BumCoffee Portrait videographer, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:08, archived)

Hahahaha

(

Bela Lugosi's Dad, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:09, archived)

and apparently turned into terry scott

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:10, archived)

officer assistant

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:55, archived)

hehehe.

Sorry TJ: I had to share this with you guys. I am advertising for a job, one which specifies that the person should have a good grasp of English.
This is genuinely one of the job applications I received; this is the cover letter and the CV:

'aim hard wkr person.'

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:58, archived)

do not employ this person

they would probably say lol in real life

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:00, archived)

I did state in the advert

that I didn't want a) people replying with the likes of 'want job' or (and I do get these) people applying for a job where they have to have good English, they get interviewed, then get the job and don't understand why I'm kicking them out of the building when they turn up on their first day, friend on tow who doesn't speak a word of English and present me with them for the job!

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:04, archived)

seriously?

they think that, because you've given them the job, you'll be happy to employ someone else who DOESN'T SPEAK ENGLISH?
fucking idiots.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:07, archived)

Yeah.

They actually think I'll give a stranger a job as I interviewed someone they know.
It's happened a couple of times and they seem to think that they can talk to me on the phone when I need to tell them something.

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riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:10, archived)

that explains why they are jobless

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:11, archived)

and led round by a friend:P

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riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

heheheh

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:17, archived)

with a bell

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:21, archived)

You should try simple spoken interactions with the staff in the local DIY shop round this way.

That's a bloody challenge. Nearly 15 minutes to explain 'bathroom tiles', I nearly gave up.

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:15, archived)

you've never shopped in lidl, have you?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

Only once.

I'm still in therapy for that.

*shudders with the recollection*

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:18, archived)

i only shop there

because it's within walking distance, the lentils are cheaper than at the fruit shop and i can get 2 loaves of kingsmill seeds and oats for £2 instead of £3.38

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:20, archived)

I must admit, they do stock a decent brand of apple sauce.

However, Aldi, which is closer, also do it, hence little need for repeat visits.

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J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:22, archived)

aldi used to do a great chocolate ice cream

square black tub, one litre, chocolate chips were massive! don't know if they still sell it

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:26, archived)

mmmmmm.....

The Belgian Chocolate Ice Cream with big lumps of chocolate brownie in it that Messrs Waite & Rose used to purvey was beyond lovely, also.

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J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:33, archived)

had some mint choc chip today

suffering from trapped wind, so i decided to use it as a kill or cure treatment.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:41, archived)

or rather

~~nearly gave up~~ got the decorators to do it for me.

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:17, archived)

Should have asked for płytki łazienkowe

edit: pytki azienkowe, oh dear html fail

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:18, archived)

Hang on a minute -

That's Grout, that is!

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:20, archived)

Now now, don't get excited

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:22, archived)

\o/

Excellent!!!

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:24, archived)

this is what i was thinking

as soon as grout was mentioned

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:27, archived)

I make a point, I think others should too.

If a shop employs someone who can't speak enough of the native language to make rudementary verbal exchange, you should just vote with your feet and walk out.

THe same if they won't open enough checkouts at a supermarket, basket on the floor, leave.

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:19, archived)

Yep. I like that approach.

and have employed it for different reasons at M&S in Camden.

;-)

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:24, archived)

Oh,I see your basket and I raise you a completely full trolley

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:25, archived)

i see your trolley

and raise you a large wheely-flatbed-type thing with several pieces of self-assembly furniture on it.
ikea can be useless fuckers sometimes

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:29, archived)

Depending on the nature of the advert I suspect the 'aim hard wkr person' may be a piss take

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:16, archived)

I say lol in real life!!!

But only in irony.

(

Mstandot I suppose I should post more often., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:05, archived)

I have a friend that says lol in real life.

It's a huge stretch of my friendship that I still talk to them.

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:06, archived)

i've said lol in real life

because i knew a bloke called laurence who liked to be called lol

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:08, archived)

Was he in The Cure?

(

Bela Lugosi's Dad, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:11, archived)

he was a big fat pie-faced fucker

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:11, archived)

www.b3ta.com/board/10117024

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kingsuperspecial is in an audience, wanking furiously, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:08, archived)

Me fail English?

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:01, archived)

maybe their leg had just grow

(

mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:02, archived)

Pffft!

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J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:07, archived)

employ DIS hard wrkN prsn str8 awA :)

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kingsuperspecial is in an audience, wanking furiously, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:02, archived)

^ what kss said

you can pay them peanuts and keep them in the cellar

they will not be missed

(

Griffin Saver Something, something, 2006, something., Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:04, archived)

HOw did you know my postcode?!:O

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:05, archived)

lolerzzzzzz111!!!!11!eeleven

(

kingsuperspecial is in an audience, wanking furiously, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:06, archived)

Ahh, another great product of the 'text generation'

god save us all.

(

J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:11, archived)

if i was on a killing spree

i wouldn't want any help. takes all the fun out of it if you need to ask for help.

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:59, archived)

Yeah but why going on a killing spree

when you could go on a picnic instead?

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:01, archived)

who says you can't do both?

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:03, archived)

the ants

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:05, archived)

kill the ants

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:08, archived)

Make it a betteeeeeeer plaaaace

For you and for me and the entire dancing plaice.

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:10, archived)

fish should dance more

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:13, archived)

*goes to happy plaice*

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:17, archived)

that is a very happy plaice

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:18, archived)

Yeah

The guy behind is hung like a mule:D

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:20, archived)

pffff

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:22, archived)

bastard things ;)

(

kingsuperspecial is in an audience, wanking furiously, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:05, archived)

camel

(

riverghost servicing your mum since, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:06, archived)

he won't help, he lies

(

drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:28, archived)

(

printmeister http://tinyurl.com/c8s8fd5 for titanic T's, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:51, archived)

i just know it wants to eat me

*fears deadly detention*

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:53, archived)

Small = cute.

Man-size = intimidating.

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:56, archived)

Four Stars !

(

Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:57, archived)

Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone

(butchsuede Absit invidia, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:22, archived)

I really hope they don't catch him in the next couple of days

it would screw up the news letter

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:43, archived)

he really is a fat headed tit

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:46, archived)

this is all just roid rage

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:47, archived)

yea I'd say so...I'M GOING TO KILL YOU ALL!!!

/runs away!!

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:49, archived)

*stifles smirk*

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:46, archived)

you appear to be aflame

let me help you with that.
*unzips*

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:48, archived)

*pretends to resist*

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:50, archived)

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:51, archived)

fucking hell, a year already?

where does the time go?

(

HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:35, archived)

In to an old tin at the back of my shed..

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:46, archived)

HEED! DOON! NOO!

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:47, archived)

HOWAY THE LADS MON!

(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:56, archived)

compo wouldn't be the same without it

(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:41, archived)

argh THE HANDS

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:42, archived)

Eyes would say you're right !

(

Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:42, archived)

Nosferatu!

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:44, archived)

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:44, archived)

She shaved her chest.

Good...good.

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:44, archived)

looks like gollum's mum

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:46, archived)

HAHAHAH

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:47, archived)

Nah, Gollum's mum was a hobbit like creature.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:52, archived)

yes, one of the river folk

doesn't mean she wasn't an ugly cunt, though

(

Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:54, archived)

Those eyes...

they seem to follow you around the jungle

(

Flash_Bastard, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:53, archived)

clamp!..clamp!

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:40, archived)

Yay for Robots

(

maiden is filmed before a live studio audience, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:40, archived)

Dude, these are win.

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:41, archived)

Hi cockalorum indeed! :)

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:43, archived)

Clamp On . . . Clamp Stay On !

(

Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:41, archived)

he looks happy

but i bet he'd still kick bender's arse in a scrap(heap)

(Rattlehead all time with the gay, forever touching, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:42, archived)

Destroy the city!

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:44, archived)

Yay...

(The invisable man Is having a long lazy soak in search, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 21:11, archived)

Never look beneath the tablecloth..

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:33, archived)

hehehe

why didnt the people in that film just twat him (or the girl with the long hair in the ring)?

They dont look very handy in a fight. Bird comes outcha telly - BOSH - job done.

(

taters Bah weep grahnah weep ninibong, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:36, archived)

The Far Eastern lank-haired jerky ghost was terrifying, at first.

Successive returns to the same theme have lessened the impact, unfortunately.

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:40, archived)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgh!!

good god that film gave me the willies D:

(

Finite "Aardvark sorted out my shit!" on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:37, archived)

I was born with a willy

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:44, archived)

O_O

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:37, archived)

Freaky under there . . . + Hotty Candle Day Captain Howdy !

(

Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:41, archived)

*high fives*

*misses*
*carries on like nothing happened*

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:43, archived)

(

HappyToast Groat froth, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:36, archived)

It's yourself!

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:43, archived)

*BOOM*BOOM*BOOM*

(

atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:28, archived)

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:29, archived)

I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM

(

mediocre ha ha ha, you're reading this, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:32, archived)

Mungle!

(

Captain Howdy, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:34, archived)

ROCK THAT BOOM !

BOOM THAT ROCK !

(

Valin I changed glasses while I wasn't looking, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:38, archived)

(

prodigy69 broke b3ta and made everyone leave, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:40, archived)

Are you telling me that 200 of our men against your boy is a no-win situation for us?

(Mr Wiki, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:24, archived)

why is this man not this weeks comp

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:27, archived)

2-1 on him being this week's subject line for the newsletter.

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:28, archived)

which is better odds than the police chasing him have on surviving

(

Paul_P http://www.Paul-hub.com, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:41, archived)

Seamless!

(

Mu Dinofiddler, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:27, archived)

Doh! name fail.

(Mr Wiki, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:27, archived)

Just post it again with the name corrected

People will love it

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:40, archived)

I deleted the sorce files.

(Mr Wiki, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 20:04, archived)

(

Bela Lugosi's Dad, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:07, archived)

pffft!

(

the wub - guide onion for the blind, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:10, archived)

Waiting for a train that never comes

(

Michael Ellis contributes nothing, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:13, archived)

ha-lols!

(duts Optimus whut?, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 19:23, archived)

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