some time ago
Me and two friends of mine walked home from somebodys party. Totally pissed, for sure. Somehow we started to kick some cars outside mirrors. After like a dozen, police came up and stopped two of us (the third took a piss at that time). He asked me: "Okay, how many mirrors did you guys broke". I went "about 5", when my mate (thanks again Christian) went "Don´t believe him, we broke hundreds, thousands, we broke everything..." Then our missing friend get back from taking his piss, sees the police car but not us nor the officer and the .....you guessed it..... kicked the outside mirror of that policecar. (thanks again Peter). We got to drying-cell and convicted to to some social work...
(Rocketrocker, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 22:43, Reply)

Broke the Law...
I once was arrested for punching out my ex-mother-in-law (or out-law). Four and a half years after my druggie husband killed himself in MY car (yes, I know...), the whole fam-damly turned on me. My ex-Mum-in-law tried to take my kids, broke into my condemned apartment (in HER house), my ex-bro-in-law stole my furniture. SHE knew he had it and wouldn't tell me a thing. After screaming for ten minutes at the chanting old bitch (I don't know where your furniture is..over and over and over), I knocked her out of her chair. My ex-sis-in-law grabs ME and says, "Are you all right?". Cost me $150. and 'Excessive Noise'. I consider it an investment. I don't have to speak to them any more. Nyah.
(thecatsonfire, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 22:20, Reply)

once upon a time...
I had come back from uni. I went to a friend's house and picked him up and we both decided to go to a communal spot of the kids of that day and have a fag. Upon parking up and sparking up, a mysterious figure appeared at my slightly opened window.

Plod - Hello there chaps, what you up to?

Me - Just smoking a fag...

Plod - (Sniffs) Is that... cannabis i can smell?

Me - (Smirking and generally trying not to laugh at his comedic pronounciation of the word cannabis) No mate, just fags...

He then turned on his handy mag light and looked at the over-filled astray in my clapped out nova, told us that this is where all the druggies hang out (which we also found amusing as it was only our group of friends that hanged out there every night, who never did or saw any people doing drugs there) and promptly walked off.

The fact that my clapped out nova got broke into about a week after that by some druggie, and the police didn't even make an effort with the crime really put the whole thing into perspective, but then... it was only a clapped out nova.
(professor honky straight fonky, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 21:39, Reply)

yea, i think we've all done the
building site-tresspassy bit
(retro, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 21:24, Reply)

Not much but nevertheless
There is a building site near where I lived, me and my friends had been sneaking into it for years without anyone noticing.

Well somebody had been noticing something was going on, they didn't know it was us, and had put up barriers round an easy forest entrance.

Me and my friends were annoyed, very annoyed, so we decided to knock them down one day, we did knock down most of them.

But when we turned around we had noticed a policeman standing there watching us from the gates, starting shouting and jumping over the gates, my friend was stupid enough to say we had done nothing, I didn't hear the rest, I was running in the forest.
(Wire, brush and dental, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 21:18, Reply)

Sleeping in my car
Oh yes, one time I went to a very long and loud party near the local uni, where I left early cause I had to work the next day (yeah right). I staggered out the door and did manage to make it to my car without falling down.

I knew there was not a chance in hell though that I could drive all the way home like that so decided to sit in the car for an hour or so til I could see straight. It was a warm night so I started the engine, and opened the roof and windows to let some air in. Then turned off the engine and passed out.

I was very peacefully dreaming (with the party in full force down the block) when someone asked me quite calmly "Sir, have you been drinking?"

I woke up and looked at the policeman asking me the question, and had to tell the truth "Yes, I have but I am sitting here til it is safe for me to go home so I can go to work in a few hours".

He pointed out to me that sitting behind the wheel (even with the engine off) I could be arrested for DWI, and made me take the keys out of the ignition and climb into the back seat where I sat for several hours just sure that those buggers were parked just around the corner waiting to see if I was stupid enough to try driving away too soon.

Finally just as the sun was coming up I decided I was safe to drive, went home and to bed. Called in sick too.
(nitecruzr, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:35, Reply)

My pipe, me, and the fireworks show
I went to a fireworks show with some mates, my loaded pipe, and a 1/8 oz of nice herbs in my pocket. My mate had a toke, then I took it and just as I finished lighting it a pair of the local filth strolled up and asked me why the hell was I doing that in front of (my mates) kids?

They saw my pipe (metal), and thinking that I was lighting fireworks in front of my mates kids were really reading me the riot act. Then one of them realised that it was a pipe, asked to see it (kept it too the bastard). Then asked me if I was finished with it (it was of course empty), and I said yes.

So they acted as if they were going to let me off with a warning and asked me if that was all I had, I said "Yes" of course, though wondering if I should admit to the 1/8 in my pocket.

Just as I started to empty out my pockets, some idiot nearby started lighting fireworks, thanks to the idiot they ran off to chase him down leaving me very relieved.

Total waste of a fucking good high.
(nitecruzr, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:22, Reply)

'Friendly' Rozzer
Apart from the usual cautions for passing out in bushes (since when was sleeping in roundabout bushes illegal?) i've mostly been a good boy, or got away with it.

However, a good friend of mine just returned from one of the spanish islands where he'd been working. One night, pissed as a fart and off his face, he wandered into the toilets of his favourite club. Only to come face to face with one of the local cops, in full uniform, gun and all, doing a massive line of coke.

The cop made him to do a line too, presumably not as a completley friendly gesture ...

(yay, first post, my mum would be proud)
(MintSauce, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:17, Reply)

beer
in my last year at uni i lived opposite the indian takeaway. they used to keep their kegs locked in the alley down the side of the restaurant. one night after a particularly heavy drinking session we noticed it was unlocked. and after investigation aquired ourselves two full kegs... four weeks and one rather large party later a policeman knocked on our door, asked for me by name and said 'i believe you can help us'

didn't actually get arrested because we hadn't gotten into one of the kegs and gave them back to the restuarant.

thats as close as i've come so far
(the_moodster its hard to be clever and witty in such a small sp, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 20:01, Reply)

Have yet to be arrested
However, I've had a few iffy moments.

Lamest was attempting to score weed late one drunken night in Soho. As the dealer and I walked along Soho Square, two or three cars suddenly lit up their headlights on us, and I had about four coppers *drag* me away and pin me up against the wall. Apparently, they thought I was dealing to the DEALER, despite the fact I was pissed as a fart and barely capable of coherant speach. Main geezer (very strange - not only had 70's BIG hair, but also wearing a tyedie t-shirt) told me EXACTLY where to walk to and get a bus. I caught a taxi halfway.

Scariest, and yet the most lame, involved my first time on acid. We ran out of cigarettes at three in the morning, and so headed to the local petrol station, all the way running through the possible scenarious between us - "Oh, you don't take credit cards, OK, here's some cash" and so on. Alas, the one possibility we hadn't considered was now in front of us - a very shaken staff member, two police vans and a couple of bullet holes in the serving compartment.

We ran. Fast.
( dr goodthrust, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 19:37, Reply)

Since I use my real name I'll refrain from my own stories...
But an old friend from school (whom we'll call Ian) was out drinking one night in a town far away, and while stumbling home with a friend, they wandered past a shop selling headstones. First they stopped to relax, lean on the headstones, until Ian had the brilliant idea of taking a headstone with them. It was quite heavy, and they managed to get about twenty feet before a few policemen, who had been watching and laughing the whole time, finally stepped out of their car and confronted Ian and his friend. The officers were far too entertained to be really mad at the drunks, especially since they weren't hiding - just sitting in their well-marked police car, a few dozen feet away. But Ian was put on probation for a bit, and hasn't been back to that town since.

He has actually had many run-ins with the law, unfortunately, but that's the only really funny one.
(joe stoner dot com, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 19:18, Reply)

Negative
It's against my Prime Directives.
(Robocop, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 18:33, Reply)

i shot a man
(may not be all truth)
(moose monkey, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 18:27, Reply)

Close call for tokers.
In my final year at college, I lived in a room on the ground inside the main entrance arch, opposite the porter's lodge. Myself an two friends had spent several hours relaxing with a large amount of high-quality resin one evening when one announced that she was going home.

Three minutes later I had a phone call from the friend who had just left in a state of total panic.

"I don't want to freak you guys out," she said, "but there are more police officers than I have ever seen in the Porter's lodge."

Assuming she was overreacting, I opened my door a crack and looked out. Sure enough, there were at least nine coppers in the lodge and under the arch, barely two or three metres from my front door.

My friend and I went into a spasm of sheer terror and crashed about my room concealing drugs and related paraphenalia. But the air still reeked of dope, so we emptied a whole can of air-freshener into the atmosphere and switched the CD in the player from Dr Greenthumb to Beethoven.

In a state of intense paranoia and breathing air heavy with class-b narcotics and Autumn Glade, we sat there in dead silence for at least two hours, listening to the Beethoven, waiting for the knock.

The knock never came. It turned out an escaped convict had been sighted in one of the gardens. The Pastoral Symphony still causes flashbacks.
(wilesy, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 17:50, Reply)

One fireworks night
me and a chum had some fireworks and went to the pub. We were steadily getting drunk and chatting to the barmaids and eventually asked them if they wanted to come to the park after closing and let off some fireworks. Surprisingly they said yes. So we got some takeouts and went to the park and sat waiting for them. We were waiting in the park for a very long time and getting more and more drunk. We eventually decided that they weren't going to come so I went for a piss I needed behind a bush. Obviously that's when they arrived, with me facing them obviously. Anyway, this is all a bit beside the point. The point was, we let off the first firework and then suddenly a policeman appeared and said "You know you're breaking the law here don't you". So we stopped and went home. Without the sexy barmaids. To this day I still don't know what was against the law; whether it was letting off the fireworks, being in the park after dark or managing to convince the barmaids to come out with us after closing!

Obviously I've got the same tales of drunken disorderly and that everyone else has got but this one made me laugh.
( christhebarker, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 17:44, Reply)

not so much run in with the law...
but run ins with me.
i work private security in the states, which means we're basicly uniformed thugs that people pay to guard and watch over private property, and do work place security.
once i was working at a postal distrobution hub where we had to check the seals on the trailers and such when one very odd driver pulls up, and just opens his door, and sticks his bare ass out and starts spanking himself. my partner and i just couldnt help but laugh like gits due to the sheer insanity of this all. we should have reported him to dispatch, but becasue we thought it was so damn funny we just couldnt bring ourselves to it.
(Mynd, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 17:25, Reply)

pocket nasty
a friend of mine was walking home from an evening spent with his girlfriend at her parent's house one Friday night. As he walked he passed a car with the passenger-side window smashed. It had obviously been broken into and probably the radio stolen. He decides it's not his problem and continues on his way.
A bit further down the road a police car screeches up beside him and a bunch of rozzers get out, instructing him to place his hands up against a nearby wall and spread 'em, so to speak. Not a man to trifle with the law, he complies. Someone had called the police about the car and had possibly seen him leaving the scene.
"Where have you been tonight?" the rozzers ask him.
"My girlfriends house", he replies
They ask him to turn out his pockets - presumably looking for whatever was stolen from the car. He does so but is reluctant to empty his left jacket pocket. The coppers notice this and immediately demand to know what's in there.
"Look, let me explain..." he begins, but the long arm of the law is impatient, and a policeman's hand delves into the pocket...
and is immediately covered in cold jism from the used condom in there.
Previously during the night he and his gal had had it away during a private moment and had obviously not wanted to stash the johnny in her parents' kitchen bin, so Chris had decided to take it home and dispose of it there.
The copper apparently went white and said "why in God's name have you got a used condom in your pocket?"
They let him go.
That policeman is probably still haunted by that moment.
(CheeseOnToast occasionally with Worcester Sauce, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 16:37, Reply)

dreadlocks can be quite disgusting
Particularly if they're of the 'just happened by itself' type.Crusty mate of mine had various clumps of this type,then after that- a mohican,then after that- just a few clumps at the back of his head,after that he had a shaven head and one greasy matted lump,and then he cut that off and kept it in his pocket for reasons best known to himself.A number of months later our evening soiree was interrupted by the garda siochana (irish police) It was late and we had been drinking,and singing,in a graveyard.They decided to search us.Then one of 'em let out a scream like a girl .He dropped his torch and started hysterically beating my aforementioned collegue.the other officers did their best to pull him off and calm him down mystified by the intensity of his attack.Still shaking,(and sounding close to tears)he explained;

"That sick bastard had a dead-fucking-mouse in his pocket!"
(pikey, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 15:48, Reply)

Homeless (Im not)
I'm not the sharpest dressed or best presented clean shaven bloke in the world, and my memory is really shit. I often go shopping and forget where I've gone, what I need, which way a shop is, so I often stop for 4-5 minutes at a time to run through things in my head and try to remember what I was doing.

I've been moved on by police on no less han 5 occasions in the past few months. "Sorry mate, you can't stop here". But on the upside, once or twice I've got a pound coin pressed into my hand by some random stranger.

I also frequently forget what I'm doing inside shops - especially food shops. I spend a few minutes puzzling over things, then when I move away I notice from then on I am constantly tailed by the security, talking in their radios. Happens every bloody time in Tesco Metro.

Maybe its time to buy some new clothes.
I bet you are glad you read my exciting essay on my daring encounters with the fuzz now, eh!
(alfwine buggerbridge, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 15:47, Reply)

rugby
i got arrested a couple of years ago for rugby tackling a traffic bollard on exter high street.

it wouldn't have been so bad if i hadn't been pissed and sing 'dayo' at the top of my voice.

also, if i hadn't so blatntly done it right in front of PC Bingham I might have been OK.
(commodore69 loves big butts, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 15:15, Reply)

Gendarmes
A group of about 10 of us went on a camping tour of Normandy several years ago. Anyway, one night its a beautiful night so we find a streetside bar and sit outside drinking many many strong continental lagers. Some of us speak French pretty well, so we're chatting to the locals and generally getting on with everyone fantastically.
Someone decides to start singing some songs, and everyone joins in. Its getting late and a car full of gendarmes cruises slowly by the bar, the car's passenger motioning us to quiet down.
Nearly all of us see this and stop singing except for my best mate, who turns and sees the car passing by a moment too late.

In the silence he shouts "TAXI!"
The car stops suddenly, shifts into reverse and pulls back up next to my mate. He looks at him in that disdainful way, reaches around his seat and pops open the back door, motions to my mate to get in. He sheepishly does.

We had to collect him from the gendarmerie the next morning. He couldn't speak a word of French and the Gendarmes certaintly didn't help him out and make him feel at ease. He was a shivering wreck when we got him - he didnt know where he was, when he could get out, or what to do.

He has been terrified of all police ever since, and always gets really highly strung whenever he sees one now, hehe. Poor bloke.
(alfwine buggerbridge, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 15:09, Reply)

at the metalhammer awards
last year, someone gave me some mushrooms. That was fine, but then suddenly they disapeered and i was surruonded by that mortiss fella and marliyn mansons band in full glory, the dancefloor was hardcore slayer and I couldn't keep my shoes on. Luckily enough i met a blind man that knew what was going on and after guiding him around the venue incase these vampire bodyguards got him. Too scared to ask the bar for drinks i just danced the night away.
(doktored, Fri 9 Jan 2004, 14:57, Reply)