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This is a question Asking people out

Tell us your biggest successes and most embarrassing failures. Not that we're after new chat-up lines, or anything.

(, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 11:36)
Pages: Latest, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, ... 1

This question is now closed.

The Big Dilemma
It's always a big dilemma when you are thinking of asking somebody out. I say that but what I really mean is it's a big dilemma when you tell someone you like them. I've never actually asked someone out but I have told many people I like them. Using this theory I reasoned that if the 'I like you' speech goes well then one can progress to the 'Will you go out with me?' question next. Genius I think you'll agree. Because of this theory I can proudly boast I have never been rejected when asking someone out.

Anyway, away from my own lame statistics. Asking people out is a weird one. but using my method which is the only one I know how to work with, it's only until you tell someone you like them that tyou realise exactly how much you like them.

Sometimes you'd say, 'I kind of...like like you' Everyone knows what the like like means. The only time where people don't correct you for saying the same word twice in a row.

Anyway what I have found is that it's only once you have said it out loud to that person that you realise how much you like them. Some of the time, when they have phrased their words carefully and said they still like you as a friend, my mind has already wandered. As soon as the words left my mouth it suddenly became clear to me that I didn't actually like them as much as I thought I did. That'd lead to interesting conversation such as:

'I sort of really like you. As in like like you.'
'Oh. Well...I'm sorry I mean, oh you're really upset aren't you?'
'Umm...no. No I'm not actually. But I can pretend if you like?'

Obviously that conversation never happened but I would pretend to be upset. I mean you can't act like you don't care as soon as they have rejected you. So really, asking someone out, or in my case telling them you like them, was never that bad.

That being said, some of the time when they rejected you after you liked them, you feel horrendously awful and kind of like you want to die and just allow the world to swallow you up. That's when you know you really did like like them.

But it's fifty fifty. And it's always interesting to see which one they are as I never really can tell. Sad thing is, you can only tell once you've been rejected by them so I have actually been in a relationship or two where if they'd rejected me instantly I'd have known I wasn't their biggest fan (like I thought I was) in the first place.

Bloody emotions. Making me think I like someone more than I do.
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 14:12, Reply)
St George's Day
Never been much good at girls. Oh well, there is still time.

Cast your mind back to St George's day, this year. To celebrate, a few of us start drinking heavily in the last lecture of the day and by the time we get home I'm five cans of strongbow down and well on my way. As a general rule I despise clubbing, at least in clubs that play popular dance music, but to show willing I'd agreed to go to Oceana in Bristol that night.

So, by the time we actually arrive, I'm fairly wasted to the point where I'm generally anaesthetized to all the many ghastly aspects of the clubbing scene (Gosh, don't I sound fun?), and I'm actually quite enjoying myself. Somehow a friend manages to blag us into the vip area, where rumour has it there's a group of fhm high street honeyz for... well, no real reason I could ascertain, but lo, the rumours proved to be correct; sitting in a corner surrounded by some of the biggest, ugliest, unfriendliest men I've ever been to scared to look directly at, are three or four unbelievably beautiful girls. Not the kind of girl I tend to fantasize about, who mostly seem to wear labcoats (and not much else. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm), but desperately attractive nevertheless. The room is almost lit up by their collective loveliness, all the more when contrasted with the underevolved malevolence of their heavies.

We stand around stupidly for a while, intimidating good looks and intimidating security forming a twofold barrier to going over and talking to them. Nevertheless, one of our friends approaches and, when we see he is neither dump tackled nor bursts into flames, a slow migration begins to that lustrous table.

To my surprise (although that probably reveals more about my own prejudices than anything else), the girls are not hard nosed, self-absorbed bitches, too good to talk to us, but to the contrary are incredibly friendly and down to earth. Despite my incredible drunkeness, the girls are not at all repulsed by my conversation, which is kind of new. I even get a high five. Confidence rocketing, I decide to engage is some low-level flirting.

'I'm in a band, you know,' I tell one of them.

She looks at me for a second, some emotion I can't quite fathom the nature of tugging at her lips and cheeks.

'That's nice.'
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 13:40, Reply)
Ok, I admit this is a cheeky Pearoast, so skip it if you want....
Ok, I admit this is a cheeky Pearoast, so skip it if you want. I posted it in "will you go out with me?" a good while back, so it should be ok.

I think it still fits on this, as it shows my ineptitude with women and chatting up :)


Settle down kids, it's time for a story....

....Ok, it's quite short really.
Basically I had fancied my dearest from afar for a good long while and everyone knew it, apart from her (apparently I was very obvious despite never telling anyone).

Cue one fateful English trip to York in late October, in some lovely hostel somewhere.....

We'd spent pretty much the entire trip wandering about together, getting into the same groups, and one particularly fine arm-in-arm walk through the York Dungeons thingy and hand-in-hand during a ghost walk and then we ended up back at the hostel bar just chatting away and before I realised it she was sat on my knee!

"Someone up there likes me!" thinks I, and the chatting about nothing and everything continues, and its just us in this empty bar and after a while she goes a little quiet and
shy and says "Um.....can I kiss you?"

I'd like to say I leaned in smoother than velvet and suavely kissed her tender lips, or done the heavy '40's movie kiss and blown her socks off.

I think I said "Urm...yeah, ok then".

Romantic sod, aren't I?

This smooching carries on till bedtime (not like that you filthy buggers) and we went our separate ways. The next morning was met with much quietness and blushing, but we sat together on the minibus home, arm in arm.

A week passes and no more is said, to either a yay or nay, much to my worry, but we were set to go to a mates birthday party and I figured maybe we could talk about it then. Nope. We ended up on the couch once again snogging and afterwards no mention is said except for maybe a few embarrassed glances in the college common room.

This goes on until January in a Starbucks when I finally gather up the courage to ask what was going on with us to. And well, cock.
We talk and she explained how she didn't want a relationship and would rather just be good friends, all that jazz, and I left somewhat understandably a bit dejected, but we managed to stay friends, and good ones at that.
On top of that she starts to come over and stay over more often, so I'm getting quite mixed messages at this point, but hey, I don't mind, and I'm not about to complain :)

One night a bit later than that, in early March, we were supposed to go to someones ELSES birthday (a man that I despise to the very core of my being) and at the very last minute (and I mean last minute, we were in fancy dress and just heading out) when I get a call, "fancy a beer and Halo night mate? There are girls there too so you can bring S* too, she won't be bored."

I breath a sigh of relief mostly cause I really wasn't looking forward to the birthday thing, and because I love the bunch of mates to death, the halo nights, and all that. So we end up at one mate's uni halls to settle in for a night, and S is whisked away by K to "give her a good talking to" or so I'm reliably informed, and after a while they return, red-faced and giggling, and we play on.

Alas we had to retire and let our good host rest, and back to mine we went, and pretty much straight to bed. We were just having a bit of a chat when I asked why K had dragged her away for a while, to be met with a blush and a grin.

"She was talking about us, she reckons we should just get on with it. So sod it; will you be my boyfriend?"

I was elated, said so, and offered my very definite "Yes" and we've been a couple ever since! SUCCESS!

March 11th, 2007, about 4am. Brilliant :D

Oh, I guess this IS quite long? Well if you've made it this far, thanks, and sorry for my drunken early morning meanderings, I'll probably edit this for clarity in the morn.

However, no apologies for length, it was bloody worth it ;)

*For that is her initial
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 13:25, 2 replies)
she was working as a fire breather's assistant at a club i did lights for
cheeky and fit , we'd been flirting for a few weeks without much real hope on my part but then i found out she wasn't shaging the fire breather as everyone had assumed . When the act was on a circle formed on the floor which she stood at the edge of holding the big flamey torch things , i worked my way through the crowd till i was standing right behind her , put my hand on her left buttock leaned into her and said ' i could do anything i wanted to you just now and you cant move ' I felt her freeze , then look over her shoulder and ever so slightly relax into me . Lasted three years , still friends six years on . .
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 13:21, 3 replies)
I proposed to my ex
as i picked up the motorbike that i'd just crashed on a dark indian road. Realising we were both alive, i asked her to marry me. To add extra manliness to the story i later refused hospital treatment and stitched myself up with a hikers first aid kit, antispetic cream, tweezers, and copious amounts of marajuana in a room over run by cake stealing ants.

True story.
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 7:43, 5 replies)
This moment has just sprung up in my mind from nowhere...

When I was about 13 or 14, I had a girl come up to me and say that her friend wanted to go out with me.

I was not very popular, I was insecure, and I was convinced that everything told me by someone who wasn't a proper friend (and 50% of what they told me) was bollocks designed to provide laughing-fodder for other people.

So I told her to Fuck Off.

I've wondered from time to time if this was a genuine request. I can't even remember who it was. But there's a chance that somewhere there is a woman who is scarred because her first experience of trying to (remotely) ask someone out was met with the answer 'Fuck Off'.

If that's true... Sorry...
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 2:14, 4 replies)
Just this week
Me: "Do you fancy coming out with me to see Josie Long tomorrow night?"
Her: "Umm, I can't really, it's my boyfriend's birthday..."
(, Sun 13 Dec 2009, 0:23, 3 replies)
Do you like peanuts?
My best mate is a legend in many ways. He once kept his eyes open for 28 minutes, only Nessa rivals him in number of people known in Wales and he has a knack of knowing exactly how cheeky to be to girls and when to stop being cheeky and start being blatantly suggestive, consequently having a list of conquests longer than Alexander The Great.

He came to visit me once in Cardiff. We went out to the local dive rock club, which despite smelling of piss is often home to a large number of nubile young ladies. We had a few drinks and I noted one girl in particular whose acquaintance would make me smile more than Josef Fritzl at the London Dungeon.

So he told me to go talk to her.

"Ask her if she likes peanuts."
"Ask her if she likes peanuts."
"Are you serious?"
"I'm telling you. Go over there and ask her if she likes peanuts."
"Whatever, dude, you insane bastard..."

So I walked over, completely ready for a curt 'Fuck Off' and a look that would curdle petrol.

"Hi. Do you like peanuts?"
She turns and regards me with amusement.
"Yes, I do. Do you?"
"I do! They are such wonderful little things, aren't they..." and I was off. Once I get into a conversation with a girl who doesn't run off at the sight of me, I am a smooth-talking bastard. It's just that first line that I rarely get right, so I was eternally grateful to my mate for giving me that chance.

Or at least I was until he came up to me five minutes later and delivered the line: "Alright Cyph, did the clinic give you the all clear yet?"

I didn't see her again.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 23:30, 1 reply)
Best chat up line I ever heard
...was when I was reading the palm of an old boyfriend a few years ago. We had gone out as teens (nothing serious) and re-met on Fiends Reunited. I was trying to work out whether I wanted to actually shag him after all these years, so I was testing the water with a bit of hand touching (I can't read palms, I was faking.)

"Hmmmm," says I, inspecting his palm, "Interesting."
He replied with a cheeky grin, "Can you tell where this hand is going to be in two hour's time ?"

Sealed the deal for me anyway. I like 'em funny. ;)
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 22:26, 3 replies)
Aided by an excessively chatty Irish Royal Marine,
... I ended up chatting to a pretty young thing in the pub.

A few hours later, while downing shots at the bar, I managed to elbow this poor girl in the face.

We've been together for four months now, and she's beautiful.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 22:04, 1 reply)
Screw the talking
I've recently decided the best way to get chatting to someone is by falling on them. The past two relationships ive had have come to be because im a clumsy bint.
I fell off a barstool because i'm stupidly ticklish and my mate poked me in the sides. I landed in front of this lad id been talking to outside, he helped me off the floor and gave me his number as hed been trying to find me all night since talking to me before.
I met the current other half after i drunkenly fell onto the couch at a house party. He was sat on the couch and started chatting to me and we swapped numbers.
No chat up lines necessary, but im pretty sure this may only work if you're female.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 21:39, 1 reply)
In the student union
A gentleman was seen to go up behind a group of young ladies, take a deep sniff, and say "hm, smells like fresh poon".

I hear tell that it failed.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:55, Reply)
Using a car to pull...
I've never really been a car type person, and I'd certainly never have considered bragging about it to make myself more popular with females, however this all changed when I bought myself a sporty little Italian number.

As I got more used to driving the damn thing, I started to take on the persona of "prick who drives fancy Italian car" or, in other words, a Top Gear presenter. In the spirit of such things I found myself in a drinking establishment one night, there was a bit of a party going and I got talking to a beautiful young lady at the bar. I then, for some reason, started waffling on about this bloody car - leather seats, horsepower etc. Thankfully she found this deeply amusing, thinking I was taking the piss out of a certain curly haired, Tory giant. It had worked!

One thing led to another and before we knew where we were, it was the morning after, we were in Sainsbury's car park and she asked if she could take it for a little test, just around the overflow. Nervous as I was, I agreed. Having assumed I was joking the night before, she fell in love with the machine almost instantly and demanded to be allowed to drive it home. As she'd not done too badly around the car park I agreed.

Sadly, this is where things take a distinclty less rosy hue. Never let someone you've fallen for drive you around in a sporty car, you're bound to distract them. In being so distracted, she took her eyes off the road at a crucial moment, lost control and skidded into a nearby tree. The fire crew that pulled me out told me that my lovely lady friend had died on impact and the car was completely obliterated.

Devastated, I was left by the side of the road to contemplate my Alfa Romeo and Juliette story.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 20:14, 2 replies)
Stars in their eyes
Went to a night club with my mates and had talked briefly about a funnyish line to use if we needed some BS to enable a bit of conversation.
Well I was at one end of the club and my mate was at the other, both talking to two random birds, I laid on the line, " I am going to be on TV soon." the bird replies "Doing what" me "Stars in their eyes" now this was the pre arranged story, god knows why, but we were supposed to tell the tale and then have the other back it up if questioned. Well my mate tried to pull one on me. He was telling this girl at the other end of the club the same story, except instead of him singing he said I was. Well turns out the story didn’t get the immediate snog we were hoping for, either of us, but the two girls were actually from the same set of friends at the club. So they get talking about this shit line, but then they see us together and realise that hey there might be some truth, so the two girls approach us again, but the opposite girl to the ones we were talking to.
"So I hear you will be on stars in their eyes."
"Singing what" ...... Fuck me, this is where my detailed drunk plan had left a bit of detail out. So I thought quickly of an artist who was not gay at that time - George Michael, now I only knew one song he sang prior to don't let your son go down on me. And had no idea how it went, so out came the words, George Michael Careless Whisper. Now that was random, complete random song and artist, my mate was being asked the same question, looking back this is making us out to be a bit of a closet wham fan, but he randomly came out with George Michael ,Careless Whisper.
"What date" - mid October being the planned answer.
The two girls wander off, then come back with a bit more attention and we had a good night me hamming up the fact that I need to work on my stubble but I have the voice to a tee, the girls seem to love the guy and would love to bed the real thing, but hey I had to do, no sex but a lot of attention gained on my part. I told them I can't sing now as I have been contracted not too perform prior to the show and I have a 2 week training course on how to perform on stage, me and my mate just delivered bullshit after bullshit, we found it funny they were captivated.. 9 weeks later, I am working in my local pub, and in walk these same girls. I hadn't seen them at all since the night club, apparently they had stayed in every Sat night watching Stars in their eyes for my performance for 9 weeks. The penny dropped when they saw the smile across my face and the laughter coming from both sides of the bar. Did I pull nah epic fail, on their and mine part!!!
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 19:57, 2 replies)
Urban myth chat-up fail
Once was in a studenty indie club called Loony Tunes in Tufnell Park, and was getting on quite well with an attractive young girl, when Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl was played (it was late on, so they pulled out the floor fillers)

I remembered a surely untrue story about Van Morrison, in which his disgruntled roadies used to wipe their arses on the harmonica he was to use in playing that song, giving new meaning to the "brown eye" part of the title.
And for some reason thought it would be a good story to tell someone I was hoping to cop off with.

Not only did she not find it funny, she told me with tears in her eyes that Brown Eyed Girl had been played at her mum's funeral last year, and thanks very much for spoiling her memory of what was apparently a very beautiful, emotional send-off.

I wish I'd told the Chris Rea story instead, though even Loony Tunes never sank as low as playing a Rea number to get spotty goths dancing.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 15:47, 4 replies)
Never fails....
Fuck you're sexy. You remind me of my mum.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 14:25, Reply)
I was chatting to a colleague at the work Xmas do last night...
She's quite shy, far more than I'd realised actually, and the conversation was pretty stilted... I noticed she had nice red shoes on and commented, and she replied with

"Nice shoes as in nice shoes, or nice shoes as in you want to nail me?"

(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 12:24, 5 replies)
Excuse me, do you like chicken?
Well suck my cock, it's fowl.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 12:19, 3 replies)
Are on the train home and there is this smart girl who sits down opposite facing me, and begins to get her book out, harry potter, now all kinds of people have read, so dont think much of it.

Every so often she looks up from her book and smiles, being in my twenties and only recent ended my virginess, my confidence could be measured with probably a mass spectrometer.

I manage to mumble 'is the book any good?' to which she smiles yes and how it compares to the films etc. Being during the summer at the time, I ask so you off from Uni at the moment?

As the train pulls in -'oh no I have got my GCSE's next year'

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrghhh OMG 'PAEDO' flashes deep inside my mind!

Get off the train, unchain my bike and speed off, promising myself to never try to chat anyone up ever again!
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 12:00, 2 replies)
I am an abject failure at dating
The last time I went on a date was 18 months ago. It was a hook up through a normal dating site.

We were meeting for lunch. I got in my trusty and rusty 1971 campervan and drove to the date (so I wouldn't get pissed and make an arse of myself). On the journey I heard a loud bang but thought I'd just hit a pothole, or a badger.

When I got to there, I parked the van and looked at the now smoking engine (remember kids, the engine's at the back so didn't see it til I stopped). I decided to leave it and go to the date anyway.

I meet this man for lunch, chatted a bit - he's quite nice, bit sexy. I try flirting - end up looking like a desperate housewife. Date ends and he says he'll call me - but by now I know that I am rubbish at first dates - I can't get the hang of them. I go back to my van.

By the time I've called the breakdown truck, it's clear that my broken belt has caused my valves to drop and imbed themselves in my piston heads. Damage - dead engine, approx £1500.

Most expensive date ever.

He never called. I didn't even get a shag. My van is still on bricks in my garage cos I'm too skint to fix it.

And I haven't had a date since because I've now found out that men in their 40s are either completely insane or married, or gay. Sigh.

I need to break my dry spell soon...

*looks for b3ta dating site*
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 11:28, 12 replies)
I've been quite good with the ladies over the years.

I've never really gone for the "asking out" approach. If there's a girl I like the look of I just talk to her and treat her like it's a done deal that before the night is out we're going to be making the beast with two backs.

The current Mrs dchurch was pulled in this way.

I was at the pub, and this vision of beauty was working behind the bar. She was 18, I was ahem, a little older. I heard the landlady come down the stairs and ask her if she wouldn't mind taking her dog for a walk as it wasn't busy and she (the landlady) wasn't feeling all that good (another hangover no doubt). I heard her say "of course" and started to get her coat on and get the dog.

She walked out the door, at which point I shouted after her that I was coming along too. She looked a little bemused, but said "errr...ok."

We walk about 400 yards and find ourselves in a little alleyway leading to the beach. It was here that I gently yet forecfully (I know that sounds slightly oxymoronic) pushed her up against the fence and started kissing her. I then told her that my house wasn't far and we should walk in that direction. She insisted that this wasn't going to be the case, and feigned suprise when a few short minutes later we were indeed outside my house.

We walk inside, the dog sits on the floor.

I picked her up (no, not the dog), carried her to the bedroom and...well, you know the rest. If that bloody dog hadn't kept interupting every 30 seconds, I'm pretty sure we'd have been there all afternoon and she'd almost certainly have lost her job (which she did in the most spectacular way about a year later, but that's for another QoTW I should think)!

Still, come January we'd have been together for three years, and yesterday I bought an engagement ring.

Chat up lines? Pah - who needs 'em?
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 10:17, 1 reply)
Too easy
After ditching the love of my life because she was a fookin' mento, the date of a dirty weekend we had planned with another couple in Butlins Minehead (classy i know) came along. Feeling depressed I didn't fancy it but a mate convinced me to go and we would drink and dance and hopefully pull. First night there and we head to a bar. Not a single woman I would want to show my cock to. After several drinks I get the inevitable call of nature, and wander off to the toilet. Coming back I see my mate talking to two girls that were not in here before. As i draw near, he turns to me and utters a line I will never forget "They're sisters, and this one is yours". And then fucks off with the other one. Several days of filth ensued. Thanks for sharing man, you could probably have had them both.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 7:55, Reply)
Tarot Cards
This may have only worked during the age of Aquarius, but I used to read the Tarot Cards. I'd wait until some lovely thing was seated opposite, then I'd deal my special set from the bottom of the deck. Her fortune would 'miraculously' tell her that she'd meet a fair-haired young fortune-teller and have a torrid romance.

The hard part was feigning innocence and only mild interest, but generally the type of girl who goes for that type of new-age twaddle is prone to believing in 'forces beyond our control'.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 6:46, Reply)
I once figured
that whatever it was you said as your chosen chat-up line was not important, as the girl would be using the time in which you said something she'd undoubtedly heard before making a snap judgement of you.

So I decided to see what would happen if I walked up to random girls and said "Hi! Generic chat-up line! Can we have sex now?"

(By the way, the answer is no)
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 2:40, 1 reply)
A couple of weeks back, a couple of days before my birthday, my friend and I went out clubbing locally. He had rather too much to drink before going out. At the best of times he is known for saying wildly inappropriate things, so I was naturally quite wary that chugging 6 cans of Strongbow in 30 minutes on an empty stomach, before moving on to a pub and then the club itself, drinking more and more as he went may not be the ideal thing for him to be doing.

Fortunately the clubbing went down without a hitch. We both danced rather a lot and when 2:30am arrived we sidled out with the rest of the club where we stood on the roadside, a fairly large amassing of us, pissed and mostly smoking as people stood around talking or waited for taxis.

I had made a 'friend' earlier in the night - which is to say, as I walked from the toilets back to the dance floor, a girl started grinding me; which, obviously, was reciprocated. As I came out, we saw each other and chatted.

At this point my friend sidled up alongside me, took one look at her and delivered the most immortal line I've ever heard come out of his mouth directed at a woman. One which I've heard him telling me about various people multiple times, but which I had never expected him to tell someone.

"I want to cum on your tits," he slurred.

It was only when several people started shouting at him that he should fuck off did he realise that the swift exit I'd wanted to make had been ideal.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:49, Reply)
Biggest success of late has been a lass at work: befriended her, then started acting completely cocky (I'm not), self-satisfied (I'm not), overly confident (I'm not), smug (I'm not), a player (I'm not) and at times downright mean (I'm not). She became interested in me - enough that it was obvious to me, and I'm effectively blind to signs/body language/blatant moistness directed at myself.

Three weeks ago a friend talked me into asking her out for a drink. I did, she accepted and the night ended with us kissing in the back of a car and her hallway. We have since had an on-again off-again non-relationship which currently sees us in a kind of friends with benefits deal. I was 19 when we first started necking regularly, and she's 26.
(, Sat 12 Dec 2009, 1:42, Reply)
biggest fail?
Seems to be every time I post on the intarwebs
(, Fri 11 Dec 2009, 22:31, 1 reply)

This question is now closed.

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