Biology A level
I wrote every essay for my Biology A Level by copying it word for word out of a new textbook the school didn't have.

Even though the book was written by 3 cambridge professors I never did get more than 18/20 for an essay.

I left school before actually taking any A level exams, and my only regret is that I went there in the first place.
(Lambkin, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:30, Reply)

World class cheating
Perhaps when I went away for the weekend to watch the motor racing at Brands Hatch, only to return to find my then fiance acting cagey.

Her: "Have you ever cheated on anyone?"
Me: "Nope, why do you ask?"

Turns out she had. Cheated on me in fact. With one of my mates. That very weekend.

The ridiculous twunt then explained that it was all my fault of course, because she's felt neglected this past few weeks. Funny, I don't remember suggesting she drop her knickers the moment I'm out of town.

Like a fool I took her back, only to hear her complaining bitterly that no-one would speak to her when we all went out with friends. And she actually couldn't understand why....

I still married her though. Boo.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:28, Reply)

Two of my better cheats:
1: 10 Pin bowling. A two ball volley, using one bowling ball in each hand.
Not only did this fail due to hitting the pin set up mechanism, but also jammed up the lane until some staff guy fetched the ball back.

2: "team building" make-a-fire exercise.
Very crap idea, and bore no relevance to actual skills needed for camping (nobody in their right minds and all four limbs cuts wood in the dark). Luckily, I knew about this in advance, and stuck a little bottle of meths, some cotton wool and a decent lighter in my pocket.
Cue large flames and rather bemused instructor.
( Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:26, Reply)

never cheated myself... but check out this guy
www.boombleflock.org/cheat
(riedacher_bertram, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:18, Reply)

Persuant Tragic Trivial Pursuits
I used to memorise the contents of the next thirty or so Trivial Pursuits cards in the question box(es). Then when we'd play I could actually answer some questions.

Otherwise, without said methods, I am forced to play properly. This involves me failing to answer anything for 20 minutes or so (I know essentially nothing) then flying into a rage, ripping the board up, scattering the pieces and battering the other players to death with a brick-sized crescent of yellow plastic. I really really really dislike Trivial Pursuits. Never trust a good player - they are deeply flawed humans.
( petuniadb, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:12, Reply)

cheaty cheat cheat
I'm rubbish at cheating - when I was asked to help run a stall at a local fair. We sold squares on a treasure map for 10p a go, with the one closest to the "hidden treasure" winning stuff.

I told my sister where it was. I'd not really thought through how obvious this would be. I've kind of avoided cheating since.

Honest!!!
(bectoria, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 14:05, Reply)

Hmmm, cheating..
I think this counts as cheating..

I remember when i was 10, i really wanted this GI Joe/Action Force figure called (Shockwave was his name, like a blue ninja thing rather like Mortal Kombat's Sub-Zero) from an unnamed large supermarket chain.

I had £1 pocket money left, but the figure was £3.. and i knew this one was quite rare it would be snapped up almost as soon as i left the store.. so i had to have it right away.

So.. when my parents went shopping around the store for the boring stuff like vegetables, i stayed at the toy section thinking up a very elaborate plan of unrivaled genius.

I realised that the stigma of 'thief' was not going to be popular with the police.

So, pondering what i could do to solve my dilemma.. i cunningly hunted nearby shelves for the sticker price labels from other items.. i found a £1.50 one that i could use.. without any suspicion to spring my plan..

As i was perpetrating this genius fraud, i was like a ninja myself, watching every move of the ceiling camera.. stealth was not the word as i disguised my motives.

I proceeded to remove the original price label and replace it with the new one with a much better price.. it was tricky, if i tore it my plan was finished.

.. to make sure i was'nt found out, i replaced the old label onto the item's label i 'borrowed'.. someone got the sting on that item that day, but it was my goal to complete this fraud.. i was solely focused on owning the figure.

Now, when my parents came back, i told them about the toy i saw, and it's now cheaper and questionable price tag. They agreed, so off we went..

So, we took it to the helpdesk, where they called up the price immediately on the computer. To my joyous delight, the computer actually matched the price i had doctored..! (It still had original item number, that's the clever part)

This was a truly bazoo moment, but i didn't give the game away, i did'nt steal anything, i just used my new found iniative to succeed, as is the purpose of life.

I happily had several months of GI Joe fun with 'Shockwave' and he served in many a fantasy GI Joe battle killing many evil badsters in action and attaining hero status amongst his GI crew.

My life at that moment was absolute joy, as i also was also treated to a bag of my favourite sweets that afternoon too. =)

See, crime does pay. :0)
(Pua'a ega-ega How much chuck norris could a woodchuck chuck?, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:56, Reply)

in my GCSE french exam
i hid a crib sheet on grammar, tenses etc. inside my dictionary.

Worked rather nicely, too.
(moik, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:55, Reply)

Helping others cheat is a shite idea
At Uni we had to do some really basic computer programming (in BASIC ironically) but our lecturer who worked in our dept (Metallurgy) was absolutley useless and nobody had a clue how to do it - except me. Having done an 'O'Level in computer studies I knew how to do it, so for the small fee of several pints in the Union Bar (called the Mens bar - not sexist) I let everybody who wanted to copy my programming, it was only about 25 lines and not very complicated - this was 1984.

Anyway, the day came to hand it in and i thought i'd better double check it. Realised that I'd made a crucial mistake, so amended mine but nobody elses as I ran out of time/couldn't find them.

1 week later we get the work back. I got a C they all got an A. Turns out the original did work and my amended version didn't. Bollox.
( Blackdogmanguitar is out with Fat Larry's Jazz Band on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:53, Reply)

Lisa Warren
Lisa was my partner in crime when it came to the weekly spelling test. You had to swap your list with the person opposite, and mark each others spellings. We both got 20 out of 20...every week.....for the whole year.

It was only in the final year of middle school I began to fancy her like mad.
She pinched my bottom once - really made my day! We were only 11 so it seemed WELL SAUCY.
(BourbonBiscuits, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:52, Reply)

victory over evil maths teacher
as I was a bit of a wimp and also fairly brainy, a typical bully bloke decided to try and copy me in our end of year maths test. He intimated that if I didn't let him do so, he'd make things very hard for me.

The maths teacher, however, had it in for me, and was completely blind to my then braininess (don't know where it all went, 'cos it ain't there now). He thoght I was quite thick, and only did well because I cheated.

Because of this, in the test, the teacher was watching me like a hawk, and when thicky bully bloke tried to get me to show him an answer to some sum or other, he managed to misread the situation as me copying from thicky bully.

So, my test result was disqualified, despite my protestations of innocence, and I was forced to sit the test again (different qestions) on my own. My results from this test were ,of course, loads better, because I didn't have a thick bully breathing down my neck.

I'll never forget the teachers face when he had to admit that I obviously wasn't a cheating little rat, and he had to retract all the nasty comments he'd made about finally catching me out. He still used the result from the first est though, just because it was lower.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:49, Reply)

Street Fighter
Up R, Down L, YBXA
( M o D, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:49, Reply)

Chedder cheats
Hmm.. cheating.. done bit my self.
Math class is one of the easiest i've ever done. since me freshman year in high school i've written on my pants... no explination, very easy.
though this year i'm the one helping people cheat in math. i have a TI-83 plus. with this little device you have the option to write things out in plain english. with my girlfriend next to me and two of her friend across it's not to hard.
(EvilHippie, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:44, Reply)

I'm rubbish
at it too. Once I had to fit a radiator and it all went wrong. I've never tried heating again!

What?
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:40, Reply)

GCSE Music.
My mate Jack couldn't be arsed to do a composition for GCSE music, so instead handed in a Squarepusher tune to our teacher.

Our teacher said that it was good, "but not as good as your other work".
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:33, Reply)

Not really cheating but...
Last new years I went to The Leather Bottle pub in Wimbledon with about 20 of my mates cos some people we knew were doing Karaoke there.

The karaoke people decided to hold a competition to see if our lot could guess what my real name was, not noing that at least 10 of the people their, including my fiancee already knew my real name. As soon as the karaoke lot annouced it, a pal of mine screamed out my real name, subsiquently ruining the fun and games. One of the karaoke people then went into a strop for the whole evening and ended up getting in to an argument with the friend who had shouted my name, not to mention four chavs who tried to intervine.

All in all, not cheating, but a huge row over little old me, I was touched.
(Reverend Creepy, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:20, Reply)

Never cheated again
Many years ago while at uni nearing the end of my term, just about the time when people are bored and want to start the summer.
Sitting in the pub with a couple of mates i had spent the past few years with
"Ashen, can i look at you assignment to see how it goes...?"
"sure" i reply.

Fast forward a week, a nice little letter lands on my doorstep. Ohh i have a meeting with the principle about some discrepancies in a piece of work i did.
Next day, it turned out my "friend" had also recieved the same letter. And after chatting i discover the twat had only gone and copied my assignment word for word!

I came very close to being kicked out of uni that day, but he thankfully owned up to what he did. We both got a fail.

Suffice to say every peice of work after that was 100% my own.

Cheating is bayd mmm'kay*

*only if you get caught
(Fishbone-didi, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:08, Reply)

mea culpa
confession time then.
I am, I reckon, pretty intelligent. I could get As fairly easily at school. Which only made me more eager to see if teachers would spot teaching. These are a few:
Classics (it was a comprehensive) - Got high marks anyway as I preferred the stories to fairytales as a kid. Once kept my bag open in a test with lengthy notes in view. What I didn't know I garnered from my notes by affecting a nasty cough, bending over. Result: 100%. The only student ever to manage it in the subject. I got a prize.
French - Same deal, only this time a textbook in bag. 100% again. Only student to manage it in the year. A merit certificate. What else can I cheat at? Oh yes.
Maths - One of those fancy, boxed calculators, with cos and sin buttons etc.. I worked out that if you scored the inside plasticy-rubbery stuff with the sums and equations using a compass, the sums were only visible to you holding the calculator. However, if an examiner was coming you could push them down flat again with your fingernail, making it appear a clean, flat surface. I passed GCSE maths with that one.
Oh so many more.
But a special mention to my English Language tutor at college, who said my essays scored low and I'd have to REALLY push the boat out in exames not to fail the A level. Lying, cheating, devious bastard. He knew I wouldn't put the effort in otherwise - I got an A.

Above ^ just reminded me of people doing that to me. One occassion at A level, I knew nothing about it until a friend of mine noticed at the end of class another girl picking up my essay and putting it in her bag. Bless him, instead of telling me (I'd have just gone mental) he mentioned to the tutor that she may want to check her papers against mine, and what he'd just seen. Turned out she'd copied, almost verbatim, every essay I'd done that year. Silly behatch failed. ha.
Also, I finished a live graphics proposal early at uni and showed it to my tutors. I showed them the source material I'd used and my final proofs. Lovely, they said. I didn't notice the student standing behind me the whole time. End of year show, my friend points out the line-for-line, font, colours, er, everything-that-i-did that's hanging in his workspace. Theiving little SH**. It's ok, he failed that term because of it.
There's cheating, and then there's stealing. Oooh, it makes me mad.
I'm a hypocrite.
I know I've got a really good one in here, but I'll save it for when I can explain it snappily...
(niceandwarmandhot vive la résistance, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:05, Reply)

Tsk, tsk.
In high school I used to write out the correct way to do math problems near the top of my legs, and wear a short skirt to class. So every time I needed an answer I'd pretend to scratch my leg and I'd hike up my skirt just a bit to see what I had written.

I sucked at math.
(Arctix, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 13:01, Reply)

I am a malevolent lying scheming jobbie
because way back when I was in school our CS teacher left his session unlocked while editing our end-of-year reports and grades.

I took advantage of this to furnish myself with a grade "1" rather than the pedestrian "2" I had achieved.

No logs == no crime...

What a turd.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:57, Reply)

of course it's own work...
The Ultimate Cheat

At a company I worked for my boss asked me to hack the system of the guy who was setting the questions for a company Treasure hunt/Quiz. This I duly did.

Armed with all of the questions and answers we then went into uber-cheat mode.

We:
Went to the pubs people had to visit the night before the Treasure hunt and altered or removed the objects they were supposed to find.

Spent an afternoon before the Treasure Hunt gathering the various objects we were supposed to gather before the hunt had even started.

But my favourite was sabotaging another teams sculpture. One of the tasks you had to do was to build something out of drinks straws. Having the collective artistic abilities of a drunken Aardvark, the best we could come up with was a Bra made out of straws. On our travels we bumped into another team who had built this incredibly detailed giraffe. It was truly a work of art and made our effort look pathetic. My boss distracted the other team and while they weren't looking, I set fire to their giraffe.

I'm a bad man.....

[Mod Edit: see me after class]
(e p f, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:52, Reply)

Cub Scouts..
.. oh yes we where put in pairs to follow a trail of signs consisting of various arrows made from sticks etc on the ground.

The arkala? had obviously spent a lot of time doing this as the trail was quite long, taking in most of the town.

I got bored halfway along and decided to change various arrows, ensuring we would complete in a better time than the others.

Plan was destroyed as we where the only two to finish, had forgotton we had gone first..
( Signify, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:52, Reply)

when getting ready for the
physics GCSE exam at school the teachers were unsure whether we were going to be given a formula sheet for the exam. there was no way I'd be able to remember them so the night before I scratched them all into the inside lid of my 'oxford geometry set' pencil tin with a compas point. Good job I did too as we weren't given the formula sheet.
(hazey, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:44, Reply)

Cheating bastard
I used to cheat in my HNC Electronics exams, by writing out loads of formulas and stuff onto sticky labels and then attaching them to a non-see-through ruler. The trick was to write as much as you could in tiny handwriting using a very fine tipped pencil. However this preparation proved to be very useful last minute cramming and I didn't have to resort to my cheat sheets once. Huzzah. Also whilst on the same course, because of much fucking around and general stupidity, I had failed a half unit in some boring electrical principles lesson, so I had to repeat the course. Much sweariness turned to deepjoy as I realised that the reason so much of the work was familiar, was because the lazy old cunt of a lecturer was simply repeating the course verbatim, without even changing any of the questions. Double Huzzah.
(urgle-splurgle molesting small goats since, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:41, Reply)

School Cross Country Runs
Yes I know, I'm sure it happened on Grange Hill too.

Run first few hundred metres. Take detour through housing estate. Go round mates to watch TV and smoke fags. 50 minutes later run back to school.

Never got caught. I suspect this is not because we were criminal masterminds, but more to do with our PE teacher not really giving a rats ass as long as he got 40-50 minutes of peace.
(Throbbe, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:25, Reply)

Porn Party
I was once at a porn party. This basically involved going to this girl's house and watching porn, looking at porn magazines and eating food shaped like porn.

There were a few of us and, as the drinks flowed, we decided to have a game of strip poker. However, not everyone knew how to play poker, so instead of messing around explaining the rules, we decided to play strip pontoon instead. It's much quicker, too, so that was a bonus.

Anyway, I was the banker so, of course, I was the one dealing the cards. And I abused my position in a disgustingly self-serving fashion. Each time I had finished dealing I would make sure there was a high card at the bottom of the deck. If there was, I would wait until someone decided to twist, and if it took them a while to decide to do so, that clearly meant it was a risky move. So, of course, I would then deal the high card from the bottom of the pack. That would usually bust their hand and they would then be required by law to remove an item of clothing.

It's not an original method of cheating by any means but, amazingly, nobody noticed. This was probably due to the drink and the fact that most people's brains were addled by the vast intake of porn throughout the night. Also, they were unlikely to be looking at the cards when there was such a grand display of nudity and fornication all around.

Before long, I was sitting there with most of my clothes on while surrounding me were naked people. Needless to say, much jimmynudgery ensued!

I was only young and I'm not proud of what I did.
(stusut79, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:17, Reply)

no cake for the impuritay
Wasn't called Stuart was he?

I used to have the misfortune of knowing a cheating role-player. Favourite quote:

"That was my practice roll".

His other tactic was to roll dice one by one, trying to hit the previous dice if it had a low score. You've got it bang on: "You're *cheating* at D&D! Why?"

Ironically he also cheated at washing (i.e. never did any). His American roommate finally snapped and said "Stuart, take a goddam shower!"
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:15, Reply)

Does fare-dodging count?
Useful fact: smile at bus drivers as you get on the bus and they look at you, not at the date on your travelcard. (Obviously this is much much easier if you're a girl.) I've gone up to 3 months over with this handy tip *cough* of course I was younger and broke then....
(littlesunshine licked your blinky diodes on, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:15, Reply)

just wanted
to see how close i was to being number one on the board. It would appear I have failed : - (

I should have cheated
(myohmy, Thu 17 Nov 2005, 12:09, Reply)