'Water babies'
My good friend Darren used to work in a lab and as a result he would often steal borrow various bits and bring them home to play with.

One time this included a box of lab-standard white rubber gloves, which had a certain elasticity to them. There were literally dozens of pairs of them, so we decided to find a use for them and not in a gay kinky way either.

So we invented 'water babies'.

Basically a 'water baby' was a lab-glove filled with a lot of water (and its volume capacity was quite epic) and for the finishing touch we would place an egg inside as a kind of bizarre nucleus. We would then tie the end of the glove up, place these 'water babies' in a strong re-usable carrier bag (the tough ones) and between the pair of us, we would carry it down the street to a random location and let the mayhem ensue. They were, as you can probably imagine - quite heavy and large.

We would remove the 'water baby' from the carrier bag and leave it on someone's doorstep in the same way a disgruntled new mother would leave a real baby outside an orphanage. We would then ring the doorbell and run and hide behind a car or in an alleyway and watch the reaction of who ever came outside to answer the door.

This made us both giggle like twats, especially when the bemused person would stand confused, wondering what the hell this large, almost spherical alien looking thing was, that had knocked on their door.

Better than that though, was the time we rolled a 'water baby' into a pub where it burst, splashing unsuspecting boozers with a hearty amount of water and sending the egg skidding across the tiles....

Great days.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 23:44, Reply)

The spinner
Yesterday I attended the Western Fair, a tradition in my town over a 100 years old. What was originally a country fair featuring animals and pies winning prizes gradually evolved into a multi building festival, along with rides, games, and overpriced snacks including elephant ears and deep-fried mars bars.
Anyway, I went to the fair with my brother and sister in law to help out with their 2 and 4 year old. I must have gone on every kid ride in the fair, including the spinning strawberries, the Orient Express mini roller coaster(not bad, actually) and the Himalaya (magic carpet ride with Aladdin mural in the back, although what Aladdin has to do with an Asian mountain range is beyond me). While my 4 year old niece and I were on the Ferris Wheel, we happened to notice a ride we hadn't been on yet. So as soon as we got off (my niece stood up before the car reached the ground, scaring the crap out of me) we headed over to this ride, innocently called the spinner.
Have you ever ridden on the teacup ride on Disney World? The spinner was similar to this, only in the air. While the cars spin up and out into the air, the people in the cars spin the wheel to make the car turn around. I swear, it didn't look that scary.
There were several hints of what was to come. First, that my sister in law decided that it was too intense for my nephew and sat it out with him. Second, that the attendant strapped my niece down extra tight so she wouldn't "slide out".
Then the ride started. It was really only mildly nauseating at first. Then the car went out to the side. All of a sudden, I was going straight up and straight down sideways. When I dared to open my eyes, I saw a sideways metal fence before I had to shut them again. Because of this, I don't remember much more of the ride except having my niece's arm in a death grip, yelling "it's ok! it's ok!" in a desperate attempt to convince myself I wasn't about to die. I think I may have also yelled "oh please for the love of god stop turning the wheel!" but I'm not sure, I may have just thought it. The only other thing I remember is my niece asking me quite calmly to let go of her arm. I ended up letting go and grabbing the pole instead. Then, thankfully the ride stopped, with my lunch miraculously still in my stomach. While I was thanking all the angels that I had made it, my niece asked me if we could go on Himalaya next. Is it childish to fear for my life on a ride that completely unfazes my four year old niece?
(mariam67, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 23:06, 6 replies)

Not mine, but I wish it was
This makes me giggle every time I think of it, and it happened more than 20 years ago now.

My High School History teacher, Mrs Aschcroft was a diminutive woman in her late Fifties at the very least. This particular morning, she needed a lift to work from her husband. As she got out of the car, she realised that she needed some cash from hubby, so went round to the driver's window to request the cash. They were in the main carpark of the school, surrounded by teachers and students filing in for the day. With great flourish, he produces a $20 note, and very loudly announces, "Here you go, love, that's for a great night last night"

Length? Given his age it was probably wrinkly.
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 22:03, 1 reply)

What kind of Bees produce milk?





Boobies!

LOL!!!!!
( TheFinch is getting to grips with the complex plane on, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 20:50, 2 replies)

Just been showing my old bike at a steam rally
The humble D14 bantam. a rather nice goldie parked up near mine. Got talking to the woman who owned it, and it must have took 15 minutes before the inner 12 year old came out.

"can I have a sit on it?"



Made my weekend. To be fair, I did resist a go on the big wheel and dodgems. Those who don't understand...you might actually be dead.
( Greenbat, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 20:02, 8 replies)

Hallowe'en
Hallowe'en is probably the best time for me to act childish, though i do childish stuff all year round it seems to be concentrated more round that time (must be the sugar), the highlight of one hallowe'en is Megan,

I used to work for a large supermarket chain that sounds like "best show" and hallowe'en was ripe for pranks due to one woman megan, a large reubenesque woman who had a fear of spiders, at hallowe'en the isle would be plastered with plastic spiders that were sold instore for her to find,
i think the record was 15 screams in one shift.

length ect.
(hypr_like_a_monkey, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 19:58, Reply)

This is the question for me...
After uni I moved back in with my parents for a bit until I could get a few funds together. It was in this time I realised acting like a child really annoyed my mother. I would wait until she had some friends around. Then I'd go squeeze out a big steaming curler, before opening the toilet door and yelling "MUM, I'VE FIIIINISHED!"
( Furness, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 19:33, Reply)

It will always be funny, no matter how old I get
I still think farting is one of the funniest things. I get great satisfaction from farting in museums. There's the entertainment of letting rip loudly and then calmly ignoring all the stares. Alternatively, art galleries are the best place for a good 'SBV' (silent but violent for those who have forgotten the playground terminology).

I now have a new and entertaining playground. Meetings. A slightly older colleague of mine made my day recently by letting out a loud squeaker, followed a by a little jump of surprise and very quick 'excuse me'. Everyone else in the meeting just ignored this, but I couldn't help myself. First the grinning started, then the shoulder shaking, before I finally had to feign a coughing fit and leave the room. It wasn't very subtle as I burst out in hysterics as soon as I opened the door.

Am I the only one who finds the littlest things hilarious in situations that are completely inappropriate, and finds a serious atmosphere has the ability to trigger a fit of laughter?
( more balanced than jeremy beadle It wasn't me..., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 19:28, Reply)

Words I snigger at
especially when used in a normal conversation:
it
hard
some
portion
do
wood
juice
up
part
pork
give

Will add more as they come up (snigger @ up)

Edit:
tool
kipper
beaver
badger
horn
fur
flaps
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 18:57, 11 replies)

Another pub quiz one
It involves me, but I (for a change) wasn't being the childish one.

A bit of background - one of the pub quizzes I go to when I'm home over the summer is in a very nice pub about ten miles from my house. You pay £1 to enter and there can be up to a hundred competitors. At the end of the night the quizmaster asks a ludicrously hard general knowledge "rollover" question. Get it right, you get 50% of the entry money. Get it wrong and the money rolls over to the next week.

Some previous questions include "How much money, to the nearest million, did the royal family spend last year?" and "In a recent survey to find the most typically British things, what came 13th?"

The time I'm talking about, however, the question was "What was the first object photographed in colour?". The prize money had reached over £200. And I knew the answer. It was the photographer's wife's hair ribbon. I wrote hair ribbon. I was rubbing my hands with glee, knowing the money was mine. The quizmaster walked over.

"Sorry mate. I've got 'Tartan ribbon' written down here. Oh well. Better luck next time."



I have no words. To this day, that remains possibly the most petty, childish thing I've ever experienced. Childish is not always good.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 18:39, 3 replies)

Flim-Flam has just reminded me
Of the most novel way I have ever been woken up. It was the time my friend dropped my other friend's cat on my face. The cat went mad and cut my forehead open, stopping just short of my eye. I also went mad, but that was because I'd just gone from being fast asleep to being assaulted. What did my friend do next, bearing in mind that I was bleeding, angry and still three quarters asleep?

That's right. He dropped the cat on my face again.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 18:06, 3 replies)

out with work
the other night i was drunk enough to write "rachelswipe and (name of obscenely cute colleague)" all circled in a big swirly heart on the toilet wall in eyeliner.

this gave me the following issues when i woke up the next day:

1 i don't think i've done that since i was about 13.

2 nobody should do that, ever.

3 it ruined my limited edition estee lauder smoky aubergine eyeliner.

4 i have quite distinctive handwriting, and lots of our colleagues drink in that pub, it being right next to the office and all.

5 fuck.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 17:46, 9 replies)

When taking part in a pub quiz
If I don't know the answer, I will always write "Morgan Freeman". Always.

One day it will be right.
( MatJ LOOK, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 17:39, 17 replies)

A rose by any other name ...
I am known amongst my friends as being totally childish - people who meet me at first think I am in my early twenties because I am such a kid (37 next month).

Lately my compooter has gotten a new OS - Snow Leopard. Part of it is a new feature in the built in screen reader (for such blind buggers as myself) which enables one to label items with custom names which will then be spoken by the screen reader when you navigate to them - for example the accessibility tabs are now labeled things like "Blind fuckers", "Deaf aids", "Clumsy cunts", itunes is called ichoons, and other such mildly amusing (to me) ditties. I snorted with glee like a total child when I labeled them up, sad that I am.

It came back to bite me however when my solicitor, who is dealing with my rather messy and acrimonious divorce, phoned me up and wanted to query an item on my bank statement. She's used to hearing the pooter speak when I'm on the phone to her but this was our first conversation after the new OS install.
I navigated to the dock, right arrowed along to the Safari web browser (to check my online banking) and was invited by the screen reader in a proud and happy voice to "Open the portal to porn"...

I'm sure I heard her suppress a giggle.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 16:52, 2 replies)

I hid in a bush last night
And jumped out, off a wall in front of the police to scare them.

Landed on my knees and they made me pour my vodka out :( so I went and drank wine in a play ground pirate ship until 8 this morning then we all raced each other home.
(i should have joined myspace, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 16:37, 6 replies)

car
i usually drive my sister to college when im on my way out in the mornings. my sister is a brat, she wont rush
for anyone and expects everyone to drop what they're doing for her.

so in a mornings when i'm asking her to get in the car she goes even slower than normal and usually
shouts her mouth off at me. after a few times of her doing this i decided it was time for pay back.

now every morning she isnt ready or is being a bitch towards me, i'll go sit in the car and wait for her to come out the house.
just as she approaches the car door i'll drive forward a bit... she'll then run up to the car door again and i'll drive forward again.

i usually continue doing this all the way down the street.
(stitched, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 16:32, 5 replies)

I used to do a 'Barry White' voice
in the presence of my girlfriend, saying things like 'ooooh yeah', and 'gettin' it awwnuuh'. She disliked it intensely.

She broke up with me. 15 years later and I suspect only one of us thinks about the other one. So the joke's on me really.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 16:08, 1 reply)

pisterine.
I like urinate in peoples mouthwash at parties. Not too much, I dont want it changing colour or overpowering the smell too much, just enough to be satisfied they will gargle my piss for weeks.
(secretlemonadedrinker, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 15:22, 8 replies)

Just thought of a new one
Walking through the long winding path which is Ikea, about halfway is the kids and toys area. If there are any "hobby horses" (you know, basically a broom handle with a horse's head on it), I'll make a big show of mounting one (NOT like that, you filthy filthy people) and galloping up and down and circling my wife, making clippety-cloppety and neighing/whinnying noises, especially when she tells me to stop. When that happens, I HAVE to pull the reins back, and cal "Whoa thar boy!" to the horse, and make appropriate horsey noises.

I love this QOTW
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 15:19, Reply)

McDonalds...
... Bratislava, 2007.

I farted, long and loud, onto the back of a dwarf's head. Whilst wearing a kilt.

That is all.
(animal252 last activated his kitten hammer on, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 14:22, 3 replies)

workplace boredom
Bear with me, first post and all that...

I am the manager of a well known retail store and got fed up with the staff leaving their clothes on the floor of the breakroom. No amount of telling them worked, so I sprayed them all with water and jammed it into the freezer. You havent lived until you have watched people frantically defrosting their shoes with a hairdryer.

Also, glueing vinyl floor tiles to peoples hands and feet while they are drunk turns them into angry and very vocal mimes

I have a feeling my management position may be short lived though as Im getting way too many ideas from this question.
(heebiejeebus, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 12:27, 4 replies)

Home comforts
I have really enjoyed reading all the posts so far - there's a few things that I do already (run up stairs on all fours, laugh at the word "poo" and am obsessed with farts) and a few new ones that I'll be saving for a rainy day.

I have been living in Japan for nigh-on four years now, working as an English teacher. Not just any English teacher, but one based in kindergartens. As the most childish out of my peers, I take immense pleasure in playing on climbing frames, laughing when kids say "poo" or "cock" (unchi and chinpo respectively), playing all the kids games and teaching them the playground games I used to do when I was young. I have yet to have a child fart during a lesson without cracking up, and on the odd occasion I have stepped on a duck myself it's taken a long time to get back in to the swing of things.
I really love the job as each day I get to mentally regress to the same age as my students. The teaching side is great too; I know that all the English my kids understand is down to me. Most of it's down to the kids - they enjoy the lessons and want to learn, I just help them.

Anyway, on to my most childish thing...
I was going home for the first time since coming over to Japan, after a year and a half. I was picked up by my dad from the airport and got on the sake with him on the bus home. We went out for a curry with all the family and I passed out about 10. Woke up in the morning about 5am, and tootled downstairs. Pa was up and about getting ready to leave; "The fridge has been stocked up with beer for you, MBP, so just kick back and enjoy being home!"
Indeed I will... The family all head for school/work, leaving me all alone by about 8am. Beautiful weather, beer and marmite - I'll head in to the garden. Something's not quite right - what's that over there? FCUK ME, A TRAMPOLINE!!!

I spent my first proper day back in Blighty getting drunk (not so childish), eating marmite with a spoon and bouncing up and down on a trampoline. The more beer I drank, the sillier I got on the trampoline - seeing how high I could go, spins and a couple of attempted backflips.

It all ended rather badly though, much like a kid who's eaten too many sweets. Vomit everywhere; my clothes, the trampoline, the rock garden. I tried to hold it in but just managed to spray a mist o' vom (TM) in the surrounding area.
Sheepishly I give up, hose down the garden, trampoline and myself and go lie down in the sunshine with my dog. Trampolines kinda lost their appeal after that one...

MBP, waffling for Britain
(Manbearpig is wearing a rabbitskin jacket and bunny ears, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 11:54, 2 replies)

Water Pistol Vigilantes
Around the age of 20-23 me and some mates went through a phase of soaking the innocent and not so innocent with SuperSoaker water pistols for fun.

Having recently come of age, we were in a position to buy the most expensive and sophisticated water pistols on the market - the kind I'm sure no child has the means to buy. We also had cars - this is crucial as our methods were cowardly to say the least.

We would 'patrol' our local neighbourhod and search for someone we didn't like the look of and make them our target. Our rules were a bit Leon-esque: no pregnant women, no old people who might catch cold, no tramps (they don't always have a change of clothes and a log fire)and everyone else was fair game and the more of a prick they looked, the better. Thus well-hard types, junkies, chavs, pretty boys, etc got the most attention, which, after all, is all they were after anyway.

Our MO was to pull up alongside them, on a quite-ish road and ask innocently:
ER: "Excuse me mate, do you know where the dry cleaners' is?"
MR X: "Yes, if you turn...[cut off mid-sentence]"
ER: "Yeah I know that mate, I was just checking you did, because it's you that needs it!"
[Aqua drive-by then ensues as 3 barrels poke out of the windows and hose down the victim.

On an average day, it was the most fun I think anyone could ever have and I've never laughed so hard as I have watching someone try and shout abuse while trying not to choke as water is sprayed directly into their mouth. On particular days, however, it got better. A good bet was to target people on the way home from the pub on a Friday/Saturday night and this led to our best experiences. The first one we targeted because he was with his girlfriend and thus liable to want to play the big man in front of her and he also had long hair! We pulled up, I shouted, "Hey Hippy Dude!" he looked over and we drenched his beautiful mane. We thought he might be quite cool and philosophical about it and I should say that anyone who laughed at it/themselves we always left alone, reckoning on them being a good bloke after all. But Hippy Dude went mental. Back round and round we went and each time he got more and more violent and vitriolic, punching lamposts, screaming abuse and howling like a wounded animal about what he wanted to do to us and our families. On round 4, his girlfriend, who had big tits and so got left alone, appeared a little put out about how personally he had taken our little prank and we pulled over up ahead to turn round and watch them argue before she stalked off leaving him alone. Time to deliver the killer blow and back round we went. This time, I shouted, "Hippy Dude!" as I had the previous 4 times but instead of racing toward the car with a branch or a bin (as he had done previously) he didn't even look up.

I repeated it but got the same response - we had broken our man, he had no fight left in him - and so to teach him that quitters never win and not to be weak, we let him have it anyway! Poor old Hippy Dude just stopped walking, stared at the floor and took it.

The best experience, however, occured nearby but with a different character. Well-Hard was out of his face on coke (we'd seen him imbibing in a pub earlier in the night) and definitely thought he was the biznai as he tried to walk and text at the same time. Criminal damage wasn't part of the plan but we must have fucked his phone up as on round 2 (we used to do a lap of the block and come back) not only did he turn the air blue with his filthy language but he also hurled the thing at us (and this is when mobiles first started becoming popular and so was quite big.) Round 3 and he started sprinting after the car for a little bit (20m); round 4 he was so pissed off he sprinted a bit further (40m) and this put an idea in our heads. Well Hard was clearly quite a fit lad and combined with what he'd been sticking up his nose earlier and the adrenaline rush provoked by our effrontery, we figured our boy had energy to burn. Round 5 saw us do him but then instead of burning off, we kept our speed low - Well Hard thought he could catch us and he kept going! But then an obstacle: a roundabout that we had to go round, but WH could cut across and as we pulled onto our new road he even managed to touch the car! He thought he could win and his near miss gave him hope yet! So we pootled along at 15mph, keeping him within reach for a further 600m and then disaster: he collapsed!

We did the, admittedly belated, decent thing and telephoned for an ambulance and even stuck around til it turned up and he got loaded on. We patiently explained to the paramedics that we'd nearly run him over when we found him lying in the middle of the road as we innocently drove back from our night out. He's lucky we were there really. Drunkard.
(el_Reedo Spanish partisan, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 11:36, 15 replies)

I bought an Amiga 1200
Of course I am sure many b3tans did the same thing. Thing is though, I bought this one about a month ago. I have found one Zipstik steel shaft joystick and need to find another before taking the whole caboodle down to the folks for Christmas 2009. Festivities will be conducted to Sensible World of Soccer, Frontier Elite II, Supercars II, Alien Breed, etc, etc.

I could have bought an emulator but I think we all know it just wouldn't have been the same.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 11:31, 8 replies)

Monsters do live in the wardrobe.

I take great joy in hiding in my wifes wardrobe whilst she is in the bathroom in the morning.
Sometimes as she opens the door I shout 'boo', othertimes I don't - either way she jumps about 15ft in the air before slapping me.
I have a tendancy to fall on the floor laughing my arse off. Every time. Without fail.
She continues to ask when I'm going to tire of this. The answer, as should be very clear by now, is never.

I'm 35 next birthday!


PS: I'm also the Olympic hide and seek champion in our house. The kids were looking for nearly an hour one day, whilst I was in the kitchen cupboard behind the pots and pans.
(jono_h, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 11:29, 2 replies)

Pull my finger
Everyone knows this, right? Well, not quite everyone. One Sunday morning after a curry, I felt a large evil one brewing; the spicy treat-induced internal gurgling we all know presages a seam-ripping eyebrow-singeing bottom belch. My better ( more sensible ) half was reading the paper, as one does normally: I waited until the thing was baying for release- the wolf was right at the door- and extended my delicate paw, index finger foremost. "Would you do me a favour my love?" I asked, in the tones of one requesting the daintiest of sweetmeats from the cake stand. " Sure, what is it?" she queried, all innocence: I couldn't believe my luck. I had never been presented with such an opportunity, and it was not to be missed. "Pull my finger?" I enquired, sugary-voiced. "What?" she did ask. I replied "I just need you to pull my finger, won't take a sec". So, she reached out ( I remember seeing all this in extreme slow motion, like the crash of the Hindenburg ), grasped my proffered digit and, with a slightly puzzled expression, pulled. The vilest, longest, loudest fart I have ever dropped instantly deafened us both and rattled the transom window. I curled up on the floor crying with laughter, as my hapless other's expression remained fixed in puzzlement. I was lucky I didn't follow through.
( uncle bastard is twanging a dan moi, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 9:00, 1 reply)

Most 'childish' thing.. would have to be..
Jumping up with glee when my wheat and filling luncheon product is finished being prepared by my local cafe personal, where I would then bounce over, raise my hands, elbows to my sides, hands clenched, and wave them about as I exclaim in the most high-pitched voice I can muster:

"SAMMICH!"

It gets a laugh, and has nearly become a party trick with the cafe owner. It doesn't work as well when ordering a wrap, due to the word not being as cute to squeel.
( glasnt is playing herself off., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 5:08, Reply)

hmmm...
I still super glue money to the pavement.
(DamienAustin once ate a panda kebab, Sun 20 Sep 2009, 4:09, Reply)

Petrol giggles.
I got a huge kick out of refilling my bike for four dollars at the petrol station and getting scowled at by the folks paying $80 bucks a tank :)
(Scritty Bakerman., Sun 20 Sep 2009, 2:27, 5 replies)