What is it with Kids TV ?
Sarah Jane from Tikabilla on CBBees - I bet she's a right dirty minx ! If only she'd lose that goosberry Justin we could be together forever...
*ahem*
(kitescreech still here, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 20:17, Reply)

There are so many
Long term I lust after:

Penn Gillette - so much so that I couldn't speak when I met him

Derek Jacobi - especially when he was Claudius but even as Cadfael

Tim Curry - it's the voice!

Stephen Fry - just because I love him

Kenneth Branagh - but I'm not sure that's *that* bad

And Sylvester McCoy now I think about it

Currently I have a passing fancy for Kevin Wickes in Eastenders and, rather worryingly, got a bit funny about Dusty Hogg from The Sims 2 on the Nintendo DS at Christmas last year.
(Innogen, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 19:06, Reply)

she was only a grocer's daughter
1979. first year of high school, first year of the shiny new tory government, first year i can remember shining my gentleman's accessory...
ladies and gentleman i present - maggie thatcher.
it was so so wrong. my fervently socialist parents would have bust blood vessels on the spot, my trendy lefty liberal mates of teh now would abandon me en masse for admitting this, but;
there was just something about the armoured coiffure, the stilted voice, the aura of domination...i was a naughty boy and i needed correction. maggie knew what i wanted. i do believe the first time i ever spilt man milk was for dear dear margaret.
(bollox, not again, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 19:02, Reply)

Alyssa Milano
...in "The Canterville Ghost" with Jon Geilgud. Wasn't a paedo thing as I was about 10 at the time.
(mcnelson, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 18:37, Reply)

Disney
I fancy Phoebus from Disneys Hunchback of Notre Damn. He is so fine. Also if I were a female fox, i'd find fox Robbin Hood pretty hot.

My friend fancies Kocoum from Pocahontus, but John Smith is way better...but Phoebus could kick both of their asses any day.
(Strangemiester, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 18:33, Reply)

Myra
sorry
(Chopper3, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 17:55, Reply)

Red.Heads.
all of them.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 17:09, Reply)

ooohhhh yeahh....
well apart from the usual teacher fantasy common among 17 yr olds like myself there's a family friend who is mid-thirties and who i get on very well with. we flirt outrageously but of course both maintain that its all jokes...if only she knew what i'd like to do to her fine ass...
i wish i had the length to apologise for...:(...
(asme, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 17:04, Reply)

Inappropriate
Michael Palin... strangely alluring
(whatktdid, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Damn that conscience
Inappropriate crushes are really only a point of view. While I've spent lots of time as a pimply shy socially awkward individual, I finally came out of my shell after uni and have dared a few crushes beyond the stage of merely private fantasies, which I think were on the way towards being inappropriate before stopping. Damn my interfering conscience – life could have been so good.

Once concerned my best female friend (apart from my girlfriend of the time) who had a hot body as well as being lots of fun. I tried pushing the boundaries although I'm not sure I would have crossed any of them, but she made it clear nothing was happening on that front...

Then while I was working one day and waiting on someone, staring out a window, and I saw a girl in the building opposite staring out as well. A tentative wave started a sign language conversation, which developed to her lying on a desk kicking her legs in the air, then finally writing her phone number one digit per sheet of A4 paper and putting them to the window. Despite having the same girlfriend, I gave her a call, chat, and find out she claimed to be a dancer (nice legs so I believed it) down from Queensland to Sydney on holiday visiting a friend, but in the end I wimped out from a face to face meeting. Damn that conscience.

Around the same time - a girl in high school that I'd see on the train station. I am around 6'4", and my very few girlfriends (2 by then) were much smaller than me, and this girl would have been a couple of inches taller than me. I couldn't help but wonder what everything would be like with her (and I mean everything). However, I never did go up to her and speak with her. Then I saw her a couple of years later in a store while I was passing through with same girlfriend - I was absolutely torn with the temptation to duck off and approach her, but wimped out again.

Then there was a nice girl (that was too much like me) which I met while I was single - it seemed like we were too similar, and didn't have anything to talk about as we thought the same too much. Except about how far we wanted to go in the relationship. At least I got to use the line "I've already got enough friends".

Fast forward a few years, and in my current work in a very professional finance area, there is a girl who looks like my wife and who I think is gorgeous. Plus smart, nice personality etc. I get on well with her, but keep everything on a professional level (she is single but knows I'm married), although I do like finding occasions to work with her. Just 2 days ago I was in a meeting with her (the 2 of us plus one other) when she said in a very businesslike way "I'd like to suck... your... knowledge out of you". I froze. The 3rd person froze, but from the corner of my eye it looked like her jaw hit the table. All this while the first one carried on talking in a businesslike way. I was so disorientated my brain closed down, but I managed to mumble some crap ignoring what she said, and kept ignoring it the rest of the meeting. Many levels of inappropriateness there. But I can’t stop wondering whether what she said was based on some repressed feelings inside her? Her true wishes blurting out? I look forward to more inappropriateness it the future (damning my conscience all the way no doubt).

And the final one (I have held you up long enough in your quest to finish the page). A while ago I was giving some training in Melbourne (same girlfriend as the earlier stories) when I was constantly distracted by a drop dead gorgeous girl with a nice personality carrying on to a friend, laughing etc. However, she did come up to me afterwards to apologise. And invite me to the staff Christmas party that night (top time to give a short training course). And then offer to show me around the city. And made it clear she expected a goodbye kiss on the cheek when I left. And kept in contact for 6 months after that. And happened to be seeing a friend near Sydney and wanted a lift from the airport after that. All getting too inappropriate (where does that damn line get drawn with a girlfriend), but finally I realised that there was easy way to fix that - become single again. After that, all was sweet, and after a suitable courting period, I had a Mrs Fillet.

My conscience told me to keep the post short, but I have been able to put it aside this time. Perhaps there is hope for a more interesting future after all?
(Skippyfillet, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 15:22, Reply)

there was a period during the 1980s
when Voltan thought Alexis Colby to be the ideal woman: beautiful and evil. However, Voltan has since recanted. Turns out she was faking it.
(Voltan you know: for kids, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 15:08, Reply)

Whole lotta fun
The twins from Fun House, back then everyone wanted one of them, being greedy I wanted both :D
(sameness, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 15:04, Reply)

Crush, still true now
Maureen Lipman.
Nuff Sed
(BigAndyBee, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 13:54, Reply)

I hate myself for this
But the little french girl from the petit filous adverts is going to be stunning in a few years time. It's not really a crush, but I'm sure a nearly grown man finding a girl who's age has yet to enter double figures attractive is wrong on a number of levels.

But she is, isn't she? And everyone knows french ladies are filthy.
(WarneMarsh My priority for frivolity begets quality jollity, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 13:48, Reply)

Ashamed as I am to admit it...
I have two lingering secret crushes, both wrong in their own way...

(1) Beverly Callard
(2) The Cadbury's Caramel Bunny

Logically, therefore, my dream woman would be a forty benson-a-day smoking lycra clad GILF cartoon rabbit with a west country accent. I'm ashamed to say i've got a semi just thinking about her.
(muffrat, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 12:32, Reply)

Oh, and...
Eddie Argos

Even with the moustache. I'm only a little bit ashamed.
(and now for someone completely different, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 12:10, Reply)

fox
from the animals of farthing wood.

and optimus prime.

and david tennant.
(melancholica, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 11:53, Reply)

Hi-5
I'm a theatre techie. I've worked on a Hi-5 show. Yes, you're all right. Yes, I would. The girls are extremely nice to the techies, as well. Not like that, you understand. But I think they know.
( shadyron, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 11:49, Reply)

Ooh ooh and!
And Charlotte Church. She's a real hottie. Smokin' hot.
(Dyslexic Pidgeon, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 11:05, Reply)

Youthful exuberance
As a mere slip of a toddler, I was utterly entanced by cars - at about two years old I could distinguish between a Morris Marina and a Vauxhall Viva simply by the shape of their door handles.

Now, we lived, being poor, in a block of flats in a run-down area of Leeds. The smell of cod-liver-oil suspended in malt still haunts my synapses and I still feel an involuntary shudder when I walk over trodden-down, smushed, cat-kins.

But next door to us, nigh on thirty years ago, there lived a ray of light - a young woman of some independent means - with blonde hair and, more importantly to this petrol-headed whippersnapper, a Triumph TR7.

I asked her to marry me. I thought - at that ever-so-undercooked age, where I couldn't sleep in my own room due to the Magic Roundabout light-shade, and the pecking geese under my bed - that we could be happy together.

I was delighted to hear that she said 'Yes' and advised me that she'd wait for me. That I should see her again when I had become a man, and that we would be together, me, the TR7 and her.

If we fast-forward a number of years, (I must have been about twenty-two or twenty-three), and my family had been involved in a long-running feud with another - and imagine my surprise when the mistress of the head of that be-nighted line turned out to be the self-same woman I had proposed to twenty or so years ago.

She approached me and reminded me of our pact.

That in itself would have been embarrassing enough, if it wasn't for the fact she'd turned into a wizened old scrotum. And she hadn't kept hold of the TR7 - she'd got some poncey, hair-dresser-esque Merc coupe instead.

I thanked the good lord above that I was able to use the fact she was grinding her bony hips upon my mortal enemy's tiny, diseased cockle as an excuse for reneging on my (everso kind) twenty-year-old offer.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 7:19, Reply)

There were many, many more stories I could have told
and most of them were more truly innapropriate, and more juicy, but my friends read the qotw all the time and as I begin to post here from now on I'm pretty sure they'll figure out who I am. Anyway, while it's not so innapropriate, this story is just much sweeter, atleast for me.

One time when I was 13/14 my family took me on a trip to the UK(I live in Australia). We had been to London, and were now in the final two days of our stay in Ireland, one of the best places in the world. Anyway, we went to this pizza restaraunt, and during this entire trip I was probably at the peak of my way too horny for no reason phase that teenage boys go through. Anyway, two of the waitresses were really, really hot, and sooo friendly, I kept thinking to myself how great it'd be if they wanted me and, for a few seconds almost thinking that they did, before reminding myself as sternly as I possibly could that I was a hormonal pimply gross 13 yr old stranger who had barely even spoken two words to either of them so how could this possibly be the case.

Anyway, for some reason despite this logic and rationality, I just had this intense feeling that I and one of the two beauties in particular(the slightly older looking one about 16-17) had just shared a wonderful night and that we were close friends or something. So when we were leaving I felt like I should say goodbye.

She stood near the stairs, beautiful as ever and I nervously hummed and hawed about whether I should say goodbye, I think she may even have seen me. Finally I decided I was being stupid, and there was no reason why I should do this because there was no way that the feelings were mutual and like I said, I was a pimply little kid who'd barely spoken to her, and she was probably like 17 or something to by the looks of her. As I was leaving, she ran to the door and said "wait! Don't you want to say goodbye to me?" and something else as well that really shook me to the core with its kindness but I've since forgotten what it was. I hurriedly mumbled some form of goodbye whilst trying to retain my ultra cool, disinterested form that I had kept up so well all night the way only a nervours 13year old can and left as my family trudged off completely unnoticing.

From that moment on and even still; I practically fell in love with this girl, our love was sweet, short lived and confusing hehe but man man oh man, miss 17 or so years old Irish waitress woman, I miss you still, even though it's been about 7 years. Someday we'll meet again and you can melt me with that incredibly cute accent.

Of course its entirely possible she's just a friendly person, or that the store encourages them to say goodbye to customers, but well you'd just have to have been there, ah 'twas young love in blossom.

oh yeah btw POP, umm length, girth and all that guff.
(StumpsForArms&NoEyebrows, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 5:48, Reply)

When I was a child of about 10 or 11...
I decided that I only liked ugly boys.

One day in the magazine aisle, mine eyes drifted upon one Alfred E. Neuman, the MAD Magazine mascot. I developed a crush. Thankfully, this lasted only a few days.


Note: this attraction to ugly boys lasted until about two years ago. I even had the gall to date the school's nose-picking farter in 8th grade. Ew.
(I bape rabies Let's go get Chick-fi-A!, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 3:22, Reply)

Mmmmm, redheads....
Is it wrong to be attracted to Lois Griffin from Family Guy?
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Sat 30 Sep 2006, 2:27, Reply)

Peter Jones from Dragon's Den.
But he's 21 years older than me. Hmm.

I don't think I watch the show for anything else !
( moohalaa, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 1:55, Reply)

hypostomus
hypostomus - Oh I dunno, take a bit more care of your teeth and you'd be quite presentable. (I gather that was the reaction desired?)
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 1:02, Reply)

Possibly the weirdest crush . . .
When very young I had a strange crush on one of tyhe faces on the "Guess Who?" Board. Which means I always lost the game because I kept on choosing her everytime. I think she kind of looked like a girl I had a crush on, so that MIGHT be the reason . . .

I'm not sure how they found out, whether they just noticed the pattern or I told them for some reason, but when my family found out, they would not let it go. To this day there is still the odd mention.


I think her name was Marie or something.
(Dr. Wombat, Sat 30 Sep 2006, 0:47, Reply)

I, Lt Columbo, do admit

to having a crush on Gail Porter. I had posters of her all over my wall and I'd wrote GP 4 LC on the posters in little lovehearts complete with cupid arrows. Well, when she became ill and she lost her hair my brother thought it would be hilarious to cut off all the hair on my posters to replicate her look. I've gotta say, having a wank whilst looking at Duncan Goodhews stunt double never seemed the same again.
(Lt Columbo, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 23:55, Reply)

"He's my lover"
Matilda, in the film Leon. I last saw it when I was about 14, and her age didn't really occur to me until something brought her back to my mind just now.

Then I felt dirty.
(bad1dea, Fri 29 Sep 2006, 23:24, Reply)