I fell for a girl from my school
But shes a racist (seriously) and I'm half Asian... so I didn't really get very far.
(I R Advertiser How can you live like this you're out of control?, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 23:06, Reply)

Maid Marian from the Disney Cartoon Version
She was a FOX (literally)

Nuff said
(jimmy_stavros, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:57, Reply)

Eclectic mix...
My first crushes were on (in no particular order) Oscar Wilde and Morrissey. And Tom Conti. And Michael Palin. And Richard E Grant in full Withnail mode. And Alan Rickman. And k d lang. And Sinead O'Connor. And Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Now? Well, I'm all grown up now and still would do any of the above but would settle for a couple of hours alone with my beloved who I had a major crush on till we both admitted our feelings. Yet another completely inappropropriate crush as he's been married longer than I've been born...
( PagDrag don't think we're in kansas anymore toto..., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:55, Reply)

From the teacher's side...
I had a rather un-nerving convo with an ex-student a couple of weeks ago. Went something on the lines of:
Liam: Hullo Miss
Me: Evening Liam, how's college going?
Liam: Great Miss. Would've been better if I'd passed my ICT though, then I wouldn't have to re-take.
Me: Ah well, never mind Liam. I did try my best in lessons but you just wouldn't get on. I did say you had to do some work.
Liam: It's your fault I failed Miss.
Me: Why's that then?
Liam: Coz everytime I saw you I wanted to put my head between your breasts and wiggle it about like a small bear.

Liam: It's true Miss and I'm not the only one. We loved ICT lessons especially when you were wearing a vest top

Liam: You still there Miss
Me: Wiggle it about like a small bear???

When mentioning convo to my closest buddy who says I'm like his big sis, he turns round and says "God yes, haven't you ever wanted to?". Have now taken to wearing a duffle coat in the classroom...
( PagDrag don't think we're in kansas anymore toto..., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:45, Reply)

Girl next door.
My crush not only makes me look like a "breast-obsessed stalker" but nearly got my legs broken.

Back when I was at 6th form, making me precisely the right age to have my hormones permanently set to turbo (like age matters), my next door neighbour's daughter was roughly 24. She was and still is a delightfully nubile and petite blonde with an immensely pleasing degree of pertness. I think it fair to say that I had something of a crush. On hot, sunny days, when she wasn't jetting around the world (she was an air hostess, no less), she liked nothing better than to sunbathe in the back garden. Topless. And so the story unfolds with an air of tired inevitability...

Their garden is completely overlooked by our house and you can imagine my excitement, having arrived home early one afternoon to find her draped over a sun lounger; somehow having lost most of her attire. In my excitement to race from the back bedroom to the hole in the garden fence to get a closer look, I tripped. This wouldn't have been such an issue if I hadn't been at the top of the stairs at the time. I gave it the full Superman to about halfway down, flying gracefully until I put out my hands to grab the banister and wall to stop myself. Unfortunately I was already falling with such pace that I got friction burns on my palms and automatically recoiled, meaning I fell almost the entire length of the staircase without slowing at all. I hit the floor with tremendous force, bending my legs under me in a way that would make a physiotherapist sweat. At first I couldn't feel anything, until I was suddently overcome by the single most intense sensation of pain I have ever experienced. I was certain something was broken. After dragging myself to the sofa and hauling myself onto it using only my arms, I laid waiting for roughly four hours until someone found me. Luckily, it later turned out to be just a very bad sprain but I can safely say it was far more painful than either of the two times I have broken a bone. The swelling and continuing pain prevented me from walking for a week and a half and I also had to make up some flimsy excuses for parents and tutors as to how it all happened.

The next time it was sunny, I walked downstairs.
( Nimble Colin camera-wrangling, globe-trotting whisky enthusiast, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:37, Reply)

I had a crush on a girl
Named Mary. Mary was about 6 or 7 years older than me and we worked together. She was such a plain jane! I had NO IDEA why I had a crush on her.

She must have known, I took her to lunch, would go OUT of my way to talk to her... it was weird.
( Scoopzilla http://www.slapwatch.com now get to fuck, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:32, Reply)

Lad called Elvis
A lad in my brother's year nicknamed Elvis had an odd crush. He was once caught wanking in a cupboard (where they kept the woodwork tools)in the CDT block. Thing is all the CDT teachers were old fellas with beards.
(spike starski, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:24, Reply)

Harryfreeze

Gail Tilsley???

I can understand crushes on the Caramel Bunny, Jessica Rabbit and even Hayley Cropper, I mean hey, haven't we all at one time or another gone through that stage, but Gail Fuckin Tilsley???

Now I'm no expert, but when women give birth isn't there an ugly shitty useless bit they throw away? It seems there was a case of mistaken identity at the hospital in Gails case and the nurse threw away the wrong bit.

Gail Tilsley *shakes head*. Some people on here eh, you really start to worry about them and their sanity (and their eyesight).

Anyway, about my teenage crush on my music teacher and the fantasies I would have involving me, him and a glockenspeil stick........

PS. I'd apologise for length, but Gails chin keeps getting in the way
(Lt Columbo, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:22, Reply)

Is there a mirror on your piano?
Did anyone ever see cool world? Basinger was sexier as a toon. Also, it felt so wrong when Charlotte Church was voted rear of the year a while back, and she was 16 - far too young. Now I think she's fit and wouldn't have any hesitation.
( littlefish I like cheese, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 22:21, Reply)

Every English teacher I've ever had...
particularly the one who also coached our quiz bowl team. He picked me up for practise every Tuesday and Thursday morning, because I didn't have a ride to school.

Something about well-read men with proper grammar... *shiver*
( coccyx approves this message, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 21:57, Reply)

i agree with GeordieSteve
Blossom and Six!
( Rev. Jesse. broke his ankle, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 21:25, Reply)

Its not too bad,at least he's overage...
I have to say.... Gollum from LOTR. Its the whole good/bad thing,would be amazing in bed! Big blue eyes,skinny. Yuuum.

*Confession* Once,while having sex in a friends bathroom,I was looking at a copy of some nerdy magazine with Gollum on the front the whole time,which really turned me on!
(Miharu, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 20:52, Reply)

Not really innapropriate.
Just more odd.

Lacey rather than Cagney.

As in Tyne Daley, the frumpy, dowdy, plain looking one, rather than the Gin addled blonde slapper-y one, Sharon Gless.

Tyne Daley now looks like Stacey Keach (another televisual reference of the time)Google it or something.

For her own amusement, Mrs Spicious just called me "Harvey".
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 20:47, Reply)

I had a thing for Blossom
although I always knew Six was the dirty one
( GeordieSteve, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 20:38, Reply)

Mainly Dead People
My teenage crushes were notable mainly for them being dead: Seigfried Sassoon, John of Gaunt and John Lennon.

You can't get much more unavailable than dead.
(mw, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 19:43, Reply)

gail tilsley
!
( harryfreeze Ignore, Hide, I like this!, Reply, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 19:39, Reply)

Inappropriate As In Illegal?
I'm not sure I should actually admit to this, but.....a really cute guy started working at my place a couple of months ago; tanned, toned, blonde and good looking enough to really get me going and I developed quite the crush on him (in the never talking to him but accidentally always being in the same part of the office ocassionally glancing at him, kind of way). Recently I haven't seen him much so I asked what had happened to him and was disappointed to find out he'd switched to working on the evenings instead. As luck would have it, just last week I, er, 'accidentally' got caught up in something and found myself working late. Even more lucky was rounding a filing cabinet so that I was standing behind him just as he dropped some papers and bent down to pick them up. Now I'm no perv but his trousers were a little on the tight side and, well, lets just say as I watched him bending over my trousers became a little on the tight side too.

I distinctly remember ignoring the little voice in the back of my head asking why he was wearing trousers as our office is very casual. It soon became apparent as he stood up and turned round and I instantly recognised his tie from the same school I used to go to. As I recognised the rest of the school uniform.

Shit.

That would be why he worked daytimes during the school holidays and was now only in on the evenings. Hard as a rock to floppy as a sock in 0.5 seconds, must be some kind of record. You can call the police now if you like.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 19:30, Reply)

My wee sister
has a strange crush on Daniel Radcliffe of Harry Potter fame. She has over 5 of the Wizardy One's
fan sites bookmarked. She is also ginger.

I am ashamed.
(Igor, The Evil Spacemonkey is behind you!, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 19:19, Reply)

Ah, my biology teacher...
...amongst many. Funny part is (no, it is...) about the time she was bending over the desk behind mine (old-skool science lab with rows of benches with sinks 'n' gas taps) giving a classmate of mine a hard time about his homework or something.

I always fancied her, and as her arse which was now about a foot away from my face it seemed quite natural to start miming cunnilingus in close proximity for my own pleasure and the amusement of the rest of the class... So of course, to direct attention away from his bollocking, the kid being bollocked says "Hey miss, look what he's doing..." and she turned round and caught me.

But instead of detention, she went bright red, stood bolt upright and said "I should slap your face!" in a way I always wanted to believe was less than convincing. She then stormed up to the front of the class and tried to carry on as if nothing had happened. Other kid gets of bollocking, and I get to bash my helmet for months with the fantasy that this meant she might not really have minded...

If you're reading, sorry Gillian... but no apologies for longness.
(phineas, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 19:09, Reply)

Gleeballs
The adaptation i prefer is "crawl over a mile of broken glass to use her shit for toothpaste"

Quite...
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:58, Reply)

Viz Quotes
This may actually have been from Viz wannabe Spit but it still makes me smile.

"Samantha Janus. I'd crawl through a barrel of broken glass just to stick matches in her shit."

Any they say romance is dead.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:54, Reply)

Amish information systems
You really need help - Kate Allen appears on the tv of a morning I have to leave the room - she definately has a face made for radio (and that is where it should have stayed). Horrible piggy woman - I'm having nightmares tonight just being reminded somebody impregnated her!
(Waynster James Joyce is fucking my sister!, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:53, Reply)

Cadbury's Caramel
I could be wrong, but I believe she was voiced by Patsy Byrne rather than Miriam Margoyles.

AKA Nursie from Blackadder:





Hear that? That's the sound of a million penises shrivelling up and disappearing into nothing.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:50, Reply)

a girl i used to live with
in my second year of uni had an interesting array of unhealthy crushes on celebrities.

These celebrity crushes all had one thing in common: they were all, without exception, old enough to be her father.

Mmmm, daddy's little girl...
( eponymous Oh!, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:47, Reply)

djtrialprice
you have just reminded me, yes I share your enthusiasm for Kirsty Allsopp.
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:43, Reply)

Lovejoy


Phwoof
( Scary Mary The D'oh Fairy, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:39, Reply)

Hayley Cropper
off Coronation Street.

Is it inappropriate to fancy a woman, playing a woman who used to be a man?
(turtles head is touching cloth poked a dwarf on the forehead at, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:38, Reply)

Weetobix - another viz quote

I've recently been having urges towards wee Jimmie Krankie. I'm having trouble working out wether I'm gay, straight or a paedophile though.
(Lt Columbo, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 18:35, Reply)