The one in a wheelchair
from Balamory
( bane, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:42, 3 replies)

I have a massive crush...

...on anyone who can put together a witty, entertaining, smartly written story. One that may make me laugh, or think, maybe make me emotional. Something out of the ordinary, that stands out from the crowd. If it has that intangiable 'something' that makes it sparkle then I will fall deeply for the author. My word crushes are intense, beautiful and deep, albeit transient and fleeting. Any one of you, even if I've despised everything you've written previously could become, with the click of a 'post' button, the object of my passion.

I think you're all safe this week.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:35, 9 replies)

Sue perkins
Ok, she's a lesbian, but almost every woman I've been with has also been with/interested in women, so that's that.
(Mong goose, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:31, 9 replies)

Now: Jo "Supernanny" Frost, or Kirstie Allsopp.
Then: Red, from Fraggle Rock.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:26, 9 replies)

Si King - Hairy Biker

Sure he could knock up some half decent post coitable munchies too!
(DangerFlange Chamone Mother Hubbard, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:24, 2 replies)

Got to be The Queen
Simply to see if she tastes of stamps...you know, down there
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:24, 2 replies)

I think I have a thing for mad witches that explode, so mine is:
Madam Mim from The Sword in the Stone
( Extinct Jesus Dossier "...I think it counteracts Hitler's magic...", Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Amanda Knox.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:21, 12 replies)

the singer with the stripy jumper
on the confused.com ads
(spleenspleenspleen coffeeflavouredsugarcoatednicotine, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:19, 7 replies)

Lucy Worsley
She's lovely (go on, say "Range Rover"), but I have to really pay attention and seem interested in the subject when she's on, otherwise my justification for staring at the screen for and hour would seem a bit strange to the missus. Mind you she had a dream about Brian Cox last night so I've got no worries.
(Constant_Shallowness, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:19, 1 reply)

Janet Street Porter
It's just something about that overbite
( rofl harris, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:19, 2 replies)

Lois
from Family Guy
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:18, 5 replies)

Louise Mensch
Tory Member of Parliament. I don't like her, I don't like her books (what I know of them), I don't like her politics, etc.

But she makes me go all gooey. I think I have a weakness for posh girls.
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:18, 1 reply)

A friend of mine
used to picture Margaret Thatcher while he had sex to make himself last longer, with the unfortunate side effect that he conditioned his brain/cock and ended up getting aroused when she was on the telly
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:15, 2 replies)

I'd mostly forgotten this until now...
Now, if in 1992 anyone had asked if I wanted to bang Fergie, as in Mrs. Prince Andrew Sarah Ferguson, I'd have gagged slightly and mostly truthfully have said "No way", as I believe most blokes probably would have.

But in my final year of university, I met this woman in a pub, my age, an absolute stone-cold dead ringer for Fergie - slightly overweight, ginger hair in the same do, overly bubbly and energetic and with a posh voice, clearly up for it... I did. With enthusiasm.

And would again, given half a chance.

So, er... Fergie.
(SonofRojBlake, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:12, 1 reply)

Kirsty Wark, 'er off Newnight.

She just seems so....stern
(Go on , touch it, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:07, Reply)

I used to get a little bit of a twitch in the trousers over Deliah Smith.
Not so much now, though, but I probably would to say that I have.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 16:01, 6 replies)

Mariah Carey
I'd strangle her all night long.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)

The wicked witch
off the wizard of oz, yes i know she is green but i would give her what for, might cheer the miserable bitch up!
(djgalaxe, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:57, 2 replies)

Whats with all these teenage girls having these ridiculously impossible crushes on people like robert pattinson? they should go for someone a bit more realistic like r. kelly....
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)

james may
i know, i know.
kill me now.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:53, 18 replies)

If I could shag anyone, dead or alive,
I'd shag a dead Madonna.
(Raol Duke, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:51, 2 replies)

Samantha Cameron
Because I think she's probably filthy and up for some bum games. Oh and Battered's wife says she saw someone snorting coke of her tits several years ago.
( Peej, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)

Man crush
I have a man-crush on Charlie Brooker. I wouldn't want to have sex with him though he'd probably shout at me or something.
I would like to have sex with most of my mate's girlfriends, which is asking for trouble, and is probably related to the man-crush in a Freudian sort of way. I drink a lot.

Oh, and of course I want to have people who post "first!!" on internet message boards, they're so cool, I have to have them.
(Alaning, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)

Slightly iffy...
Lucy Worsley, Chief Curator at Historic Royal Palaces, Historian and BBC4 regular.
Intelligent, slightly posh, a couple of years older than me, and 'cute'.
Slightly iffy lisp going on, but nobody is perfect.
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:47, 7 replies)

Shamu.
I long to stroke her soft flanks, gently caress her dorsal fin; watching her work that tail and wiggle those pectoral fins just drives me crazy.
But it couldn't be a long-term thing, and wouldn't be without risk; I hear her ex- is the jealous type.

D.P.D.

(Too soon? De-Ris: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tilikum_(orca)#Second_incident )
(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:43, Reply)

This is iffy...
Lindsay hawker. I always thought she looked very pretty and I always felt ashamed thinking that when I saw her picture on the news.
(skgorsky, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)

Might as well get this one over with
Sarah Palin.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:39, 8 replies)

Gingers!
Only been out with one but I do like carrot tops. I have no idea why but I think it's the pale skin as well.
( girlinthehole, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:38, 5 replies)

Servalan
from Blakes 7, she minged in many way's she was on kinky acting bitch for a young turtle.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 6 Oct 2011, 15:37, 4 replies)