danish
my boyfriend tried to say something sweet to me in danish and ended up calling me a disease of the loin. Found that a bit insulting to tell you the truth.
(lei, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 1:04, Reply)

It's an insult!
Can't be arsed to read 40 pages...

For those who start their post this way is an insult to those giving of their time and memories to relate a tale.

I skip those posts only, and read all others.

To answer your question: Yes..I have no life.
(barrycounty, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 0:50, Reply)

Don't anger horny Turkish men
They may call you a fishy cunt donkey.
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Thu 11 Oct 2007, 0:22, Reply)

IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY !
*insulted*
(Jim the Cat, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 23:54, Reply)

And furthermore...
.................






OH!
( CapnChkn I would rather be flying elephants., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 23:16, Reply)

You bunch o' sailors
I can't believe I see all this FILTH described in terms I am SHOCKED, shocked I say, to see you all spew across the information superhyway of the whirled. Your prowness as enchanters on this level leaves me disgusted, mortified!

Your capacities are as much as the smell of the shadow of shit a week old in the hot sunshine! Don't hang around with Cowboys, Sailors, or Nuclear Physicists, they're a bad lot. Programmers are OK, they can't spell!
( CapnChkn I would rather be flying elephants., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 23:15, Reply)

.
Someone once called me a 'Copdock Interchange'.


I guess it does sound a bit like cock.
(jacob, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 23:13, Reply)

Last Time I Seen A Head Like Yours
Franky Dettori Was Whippin' It
(excuse grammar, accents you see)
( Dazz - In Your Base, Killing Your Dudes since, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 23:12, Reply)

batesyuk
adding "your mum" on the end of everything is great until you say it to someone who's mum is dead...

I once told a computer to go get syphilis?.Does that cound as an insult?
(lei, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 20:06, Reply)

Matalan
Just left Matalan car park.
2 young chav slappers pushing prams with mongs in em.
Having an argument about which knickers were best, one shouts to the other" you droopy cunt".

I nearly shouted "did you get your refund from the charm school then?"
(brussellsprout Im a fucking genius. official., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 20:04, Reply)

Insults....Boat Hook !!!!!!!
My old man used to be a special Copper with the Thames Police, A branch of the Meropolitan Police back in the 50's and 60's.

Apparently they used to call the long boat hook they use to pick bodies out of the water a " C*nt Hook " as that particular area of the male or female body was the Only place that was suitable for using the Hook on as it was one of the last areas of the body to decompose and therefore not likely to fall apart when being dragged out of the water !!!!!!!!

Gross or what ???????

He used to call me a C*nt hook and I was never sure whether it was a compliment or an insult !!!

Some of the other stories he told me were even grosser if that was possible
(pir881, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 19:55, Reply)

Maturity prevails.
Nearly eight years ago, I had a job that started out good and got progessively more rubbish. Over the course of a year it went from good, to bad, to awful.

During one mid-week shift I realised I'd had enough, my boss came over to the area I was working and started having a bulging-eyed, red-faced, spittle-flecked rant at me for something that was absolutely nothing to do with me. This was in the pre mortgage days so I went from trying to mentally block out the shite-ness of my working conditions to leaving. For good. Now.

As my boss was mid-sentence, I just turned round and walked away. Amazed that one of the drones would display free will she screamed:

"Where do you think you're going!?"

I'm ashamed to say I resorted to insulting someone based on their looks and gender. This woman was almost as tall as me (I'm 6ft 3") and looked like Steve McFadden in a wig, complete with stubble. (An even more English comparison would be a blonde version of Biffa Bacon's 'mum').
Anyway, I half turned and said:

"Fuck off you pre-op"

Harsh, but her look of confusion made me think she didn't have a clue what I was meant anyway.

Also, a chum of mine once called a local pub nutter a "Poo Splash" when he was threatining to re-arrange his features. Actually made him laugh and they ended up getting pissed together.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 19:38, Reply)

insults
Just remembered.

Complete knob in schoo, sixth former used to wear a beard and smoke a pipe (nuff said!.

Deadknob was his nickname morphed from his real name, see below.

David Williams
to
Dai Willy
to
Deadknob

Fuckin top!
(ziderman2001, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 19:22, Reply)

My brother
My bro used to use the phrase "flatus-face". "Flatus" is a rather formal word for "fart".
( giant_squid, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 19:13, Reply)

gingers
Fanta Pants always makes me chuckle.



Don't laugh at my length, it's my first time
(randomstupidname would really like this signature field to be bigge, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 19:10, Reply)

Two of my all time favourites
That I've heard is
I hope your balls* turn square, fester in corners and all your babies are lizards
and
Fuck you. Fuck your mother. Fuck your sister and your auntie. Fuck all your female relatives and the donkeys they rode into town on.

And finally, spotted in on the park on Fleetwood sea front

Marvellous

* or tits, I'm all for equality
(boukha, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 18:42, Reply)

hmm
come to think of it the best insult is just adding " your mum " onto anythin


got me through life :)
(free scooby !! bad grammar an spelling since 1985, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 18:13, Reply)

Just in case anyone can't be arsed reading through all 40 pages or so
I'll try and sum up the majority of contributions:

1) Jokes about how fat someone is (I tend to find the word 'fat' suffices)

2) Faces that look like a bag of something that really shouldn't be in a bag in the first place

3) Taking a normal swearword like cunt or fuck, and adding a random word, to make shit swearwords like cuntbucket or fucksponge. What's wrong with cunt and fuck?

4) Doing the same for shit or cum, to make swearwords like cum-guzzler or shit-nipple.

5) Stringing a random collection of swearwords together in the vague hope it'll become funny at some point, ie cock-flavoured shit-scraping animal-raping ballsack.

6) Insults from a movie that most of us have fucking seen, like 'thundercunts' from Blade Trinity. Original

7) And, from those with no imagination at all, simply the word cunt, or the 'phrase' fuck off. Which I hadn't ever heard about until now. So thank you for that



There we go - I've just saved you 20 minutes of your life. Now you can go back to masturbating.

You are welcome
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 18:11, Reply)

Whilst travelling...
In Mongolia, you get used to small orphans begging for money. It really is a heart wrenching sight to see a 5 year old begging for $1 which for them is a huge amount and for most, small amount of money.

So when my wife and I are walking along the main street in Ulan, we see a small child walking directly to us. We kind of figure what is coming...He hand raises up slowly, as if held back by some restrained force, his palm starts to extend and by some unearthly power, his middle finger extends and protrudes proudly as a morning glory.

And as he went past he punched my leg to add injury to insult.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 17:52, Reply)

Gimlet
Referred to a former trainee as "Gimlet". Said trainee seemed to like it, based upon his dictionary defining it as "Sharp implement."

Had he checked another dictionary, he may have been clued in. "Cobbler's small boring tool."
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 17:18, Reply)

well the best one ive heard ...
100,000,000 sperm and you were the outcome


first post woo !!
(free scooby !! bad grammar an spelling since 1985, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 17:15, Reply)

Job Tvojemadj
Russian for "Go home and fuck your mother" apparently.
Used it once. On somebody not Russian. So fairly pointless.
(Big D, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:52, Reply)

I'm rather surprised that I haven't seen anyone say
hamtoucher.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:52, Reply)

late to the party
I can't think of anything more insulting than "child molester," so my favorite insults all start with that or some variation (e.g., "child-molesting ass-eater").

On a lighter note, the team cheer for one of my sports teams (directed at the other team) is "Eat a dick!"

When I was studying law, we used to refer to one of our female classmates as the "barrel on stilts." Pretty well described her physique.
( kingoffools, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:41, Reply)

Cockbuckets
Guy at work's nickname is "cockbucket", allegedly because he once got his little wee-wee stuck in a hole in a bucket.

He's a right dick, too, so we try and liven up meetings with him by dropping his nickname into conversation, secret-like. "...that's why the server went down, cock, bucket's probably going to be fixed..."

I think he notices. Or he thinks we all have speech impediments.
(evilpenguin Ur polar bears r wel gay, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:31, Reply)

A Bruce Lee
The act of shagging an unappealing female. As in "to enter the dragon"
(Vic Flange, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:29, Reply)

haberman
Piss off and tickle your tonsils with a cock, you cumguzzler!
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:17, Reply)

Ins
Oddly most of my friends nicknames, are insulting... for example,

Darren, being large, naturally became fat daz

Scott, whose great great aunty married a jewish man (or something of that ilk) was referred to as the Jew, as in, "Silence, jew!" or "morning jew"

However the ABSOLUTE best one was a guy i know called daniel, who is deaf, and ginger, what fabulous nickname did Daniel get? "deaf ginger Daniel" and he has been called that as long as i've known him. As for me my first job was in a battery hen farm, and i was known as "chicken Fucker" for quite a few years, bastards
( evilamnesiac says fuck you Prince, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:17, Reply)

Hockey Insults
Whilst playing hockey, should a player take an extremely heavy and dangerously over-extended swing, he is described as being "a bit agricultural".
(pma01mer, Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:16, Reply)

Really?
That makes you just two years younger than I am!

...damn, if only there weren't this freakin' ocean in the way...

(On topic be damned, this late into the QOTW...)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 10 Oct 2007, 16:07, Reply)