I knew I had to go on holiday
When I realised I was actually talking to children
( Attila the Bun is not in a right cunt of a mood, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 0:05, Reply)

Not me, but...
I knew of someone that worked in a very famous chemist. Someone came up to the counter and asked if there was anything for her earache.

Bloke turns to other woman behind counter and says out loud 'hey... have we got anything for earfuck?'

See ya.
(DamoUK, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 0:04, Reply)

When I had just turned 16
my g/f at the time failed to get me a birthday prezzie, wasent2botherd, failed to get me a card, wasent2botherd, bt also failed to come c me, that really got on my wick bt i forgave her for it! she didnt see me much in the xmas hols n ma bday is jus after new year! a lil concerned bt dint fink owt of it! it was wen i met her in leeds as we uaually did on a Sat n she said she wanted2talk2me somewhere private, the penny dropped! we walked in leeds and found a random bench, she proceded to cry n say it wa all her n she didnt love me, me bein in2 art and graffiti jus looked around and looked at the art and tried2decyfer the tags! still to this day i have no foo'ken idea wot the hell happend! bloody women eh?!
(mufin_man, Fri 22 Jul 2005, 0:00, Reply)

I KNEW it was over
I used to work the sound box at school, and although there was meant to be a team of about seven of us supervised by my physics teacher, only me and my mate actually knew how to work it properly, so we'd usually get left with all the work. We were generally happy to do this - it meant we didn't have to sing a hymn and we could play cards or comment on whatever rubbish the people giving assembly were spouting.

I was at the back of the stage behind the curtains for morning assembly. They'd organised a 'special' assembly, which meant jiggery pokery with lights and CDs they'd shoved into our hands 5 minutes previously etc etc. My mate was off sick, so I was there trying to do everything by myself with buttons at opposite ends in the 10 seconds it takes the headmistress to walk up to the lectern.

Meanwhile, my physics teacher who I liked immensely (really funny guy, friendly, into tech stuff and particle physics, so just my cup of tea left on my bedside table when I opened my eyes) was standing there staring into space twiddling his thumbs.

I was getting more and more pissed off with all the wires etc and lack of room to maneouvre, so just as the head was coming to the stage and time was almost at an end I stood up to my full height of 4'11" and said in my best mock-teachery tones

"When you've quite finished fiddling with your fingers, would you like to flick that switch?"

I couldn't believe I'd just said it to him....

...we looked at each other for a moment, then I watched stunned as he leant over and quietly obeyed.

Shows how much I know....he never even mentioned it afterwards!

To the Dr: I you're out there, I salute you *does so*
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:55, Reply)

When...at the tender age of 15...
Her: (on the phone)" I can't come over tonight, I'm washing my hair"
Me: "OK..but who's that in the background?"
Her: Um, Kevin Williams, from your class. He's... helping me"
I wouldn't have minded, but He'd asked me to go play footie that night anyway.
I wish the term "spunkmonkey" had been around in '72.
(sandman0733, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:47, Reply)

Over...
I knew it was over then she said she was meeting with a friend called ‘Adam’. I was working shifts, and said that I could meet up with them after I finished work. Got a refusal, I thought it was because I had met Adam before and could not hide my loathing of him. One; he was a letch and two; he was a teacher. I HATE teachers, as far as I’m concerned, those to can’t, teach.

Anyway, I’m at home getting more and more worried because it’s getting later and later. I get a phone call that the answering machine catches. It’s her, she tells me in slurred speech that she been unexpectedly been called into work, then she fails to put the phone down & I can hear her talking to Adam.

So, I sampled the message she left, and played it back to her when she turned up the next day.

Not long after we split. Surprise! She started seeing Adam. I heard that he treated her badly; still don’t know if I should be happy or glad.

This was over five years ago and I cant believe how bitter I still feel about it.
(shadders, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:37, Reply)

financial services
did i know it was over when the board sacked the chief exec and lied that he'd "resigned"? i had an inkling ... when they announced the redundancy programme? i was worried ... when the same supine fuckers who let the place get into such a fucking state (strategically speaking) were left basically still in charge? i was nearly sure ... when a middle-aged anorexic appeared in the office and started talking about "brand values"? fucking definite ... I Like Not Working For Two-Faced, Brain-Damaged Greedy-Ass Motherfuckers ... (well, makes a change for relationship bitterness, i'll save that for later)
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:34, Reply)

1. We were both in the pub when she texted me
"Yes I am ignoring you, because you're ignoring me"

2. That sideways glance accompanying the "Uh, yeah" in response to my "Seeya around" the morning after.
(Krunk Hey hey, ho ho, 1100110, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:34, Reply)

Mine is still available through Googlecache...
Heads up Kirsty, you've got pwned so I'll regale you all with another tale from my time at a certain mobile phone company.

One afternoon, tapping away at my keyboard and I get an e-mail, from someone at Bristol. Some kid had just turned 21 and had decided to e-mail this picture of his fat fucking face, and a message to all his colleagues stating that he'd just turned 21 and was looking forward to his coming-of-age (part II) knees-up. To the entire company mailing list. Not good.

The repercussions of this were twofold: [1] so many company employees replied to him stating one of "Happy birthday", "Who the fuck are you", or "What the hell do you think you're doing" that one of the internal Mail servers redlined and then dropped dead. [2] he got escorted off the premises less than half an hour later.

What really makes it for me is the mental image I got of a set of doting parents arranging a surprise birthday bash for this 'tard, and him arriving unexpectedly early back from work a couple of hours early. I can just see his flustered mother, trying to hide decorations or something, and saying "How come you're home so early then?".

Then mentally zoom into the lower lip starting to tremble...

Insert length/gag here
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:29, Reply)

With my best mate...
...when he rang me up and gave me a not-so-coded rant about sleeping with your best friends girlfriend, and karma, and how it's not a good thing to be doing.

I was a little confused, seeing as how I hadn't been doing any of these things.

Later I found out that best-friends brother's girlfriend had been telling anyone who'd listen that I HAD been shagging best-friends girlfriend.

Which resulted in none of my life-long friends would speak to me for being such an apparent cunt to best-friend. Even though I'd done nothing.

Well, after a couple of weeks of getting serious abuse for something you'd not done, your're morals take a dive. If you're going to get the shit for it anyway....I shagged best-friends girlfriend at the first opportunity. She turned out to have a thing for me all along which is where the story started...self-fulfilling prophecy anyone?

Still, fucking sucked though.

Man, this is a really depressing QOTW...
(inflateable, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:28, Reply)

When
she moved to Mexico
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:24, Reply)

You know its over when
she cringes to your touch.
(matthyaouw, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 23:18, Reply)

'twas over in the Jolly Fryer when....
..I got caught playing frisbee with the frozen Plaice.

..I decided I WOULD find out what happened if you dropped a cod into the chip slicing machine.

..I dropped a sack of powder for making batter and looked like a ghost for the rest of the day.

..I accidentally deep-fried a wash rag.

..I locked the boss in the walk in freezer, completly accidentally.

all on the same day.
(inflateable, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:58, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
When I was about 16, I had a girlfriend who was your stereotypical daughter-of-the-vicar, shy, country girl type. We were both virgins; I was incredibly horny (even by teenage boy standards) and she... wasn't.

She rang me up one day telling me that her parents were out and that I should come round later so we could have "fun". Imagining the delights that lay ahead of me, I quickly agreed in the squeaky way only a nervous, horny teenager can and shat myself with excitement for the few hours till then.

I came over to her quaint little house that evening (no pun intended) wearing disgusting aftershave, and with a multipack of condoms, whipped cream and a great deal of lube, assuming that my prudish girlfriend had suddenly become some sort of sex fiend.

After a bit of snogging on the couch, she said she was off "to get the videos", at which point I practically had a heart attack. As she went off to get what I assumed would be Anal Adventures or somesuch, I took the liberty of undressing myself fully, and getting my soldier prepared to march into battle.

Needless to say, when she came back into the room with chick flicks for a night of conversation, finding my naked and lubricated self on her living room couch came as quite a surprise. It didn't last much longer, and she wouldn't even let me stay long enough to finish myself off. Shame really...
(Spatula, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:55, Reply)

I knew it was over...
when she said 'I can't, i'm catholic'.
( northernwifeb3ta is going to Dubai in December :D for "work", Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:33, Reply)

Another time...
...when me and a lass were on a break because, basically, she was a psychotic little fat cow. (she actually blew a guy the same night she met him, aged about 14) Soon after that, on my birthday I might add, I got off with some girl at a party. Good times.

Next day I talk to her on MSN; truncated, somewhat readable version of convo follows.

Me: Say, so you know a [name]?
Her: I think so, [description of features]?
Me: Yeah, that's her.
Her: Kinda, she goes to my school.
Me: Really?
Her: Yeah, I don't get along with her much.
Me: Oh...
Her: Considering she's such a bitch and a slut and I got in a fight with her last week and I hate her so fucking much and...

Cue cringing. She got in touch with me recently to try sell me tickets to a crappy local punk gig. I politely declined, although I should've just called her a fucking spunk monkey.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:32, Reply)

I knew it was over...
...when I split up with her.

Duh.
( Iki I think my camel is dead., Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:24, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
Last day of school before going to a completely new one, in a new city, with a new adress. (Yes. Duh.) Standing around in the hallway, I spy a guy I'd had a continual crush on for maybe... 2 years who'd finally noticed. I had given out email adresses, phone numbers, general contact information to EVERYONE ELSE. I attempted to wade through the crowd to reach the boy I was sure would be my one true love.
I eventually made my way up to him, and his heartfelt farewell was... 'Fuck off, I'm trying to talk here.'
What a lovely boy.
And that's when I knew it was over.
(ZooLurker is an angry chick with a mullet!, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 22:16, Reply)

Probably
when she begged me to stay with her on her garage driveway, and after a flat refusal, went to fetch the kitchen knife
/que TC running away at high speed screaming "you fucking psycho"
( timothy claypole, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 21:47, Reply)

I knew it was over when...
I was sitting in my den, a book in my lap and gazing out the window and she asked me "What are you thinking?"

Stupid bint didnt like the idea that I was thinking about her sister, a wrestling female midget and a box of Kleenex. Serves her right.

No apologies. Ever.

Sic Semper Tyrranis
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 21:23, Reply)

I knew it was over...
...when I died.
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 21:07, Reply)

knew it was over
with first serious girlfriend when, riding bus home, a mate mentioned to me "i was talking to vicki earlier; she was asking some really weird questions." on further probing, he disclosed that the first of these was "how did he think she should break up with a guy she wanted to leave because she had a new boyfriend already?"
(cap'nj, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:50, Reply)

"I just thought I ought to tell you
that I'm seeing someone," said the German ladyfriend, just 2 days before my visit. It was over indeed, but having bought a plane ticket I decided I should still go. I don't think she was expecting that. Cue an awkward weekend in her house, with frequent visits from a strapping German chap called Wilhelm. I didn't get much sleep that weekend.
(jacob, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:47, Reply)

serial
Relationships

#1 out of the blue "i'm going to uni"
#me "oh, where?"
#1 "Plymouth" (400 miles away)
#me "oh"
#1 2 months, a year, a couple of years, no call, letter or text

Safe to say its over, good job i'd moved on pretty quickly after departure.

#2 text msg "xxx, ive got something to tell you, you know ive been upset about gossip and that, down the pub. well you probably have heard already but i've been seeing 'xxxx1' and he's broken up with 'xxxxx2' not proud of what ive done but were now seeing each other. thought you'd rather hear it from me than hear the freak pub version when u go in next, you've been a good friend and hope it won't change :)"

#me i thought it was only a trial split (about 1-2 months uptil that text) did kinda hope she might sort her head out an figure out what she wants, maybe not, ah well, maybe its time to say i'd already been looking elsewhere? kinda suspected anyway, my reply "kinda guessed, not surprised"
(feel sorry for xxxx1's ex and thier 6 year old kid)

#3 "i've left my husband"
#me 'GONE'

Jobs

unloading a trolley full of hotel laundry and shit stained bed sheet falls out

destroying a v expensive Diamond cutter while milling parts for a Boeing 777

going to work still pissed and when hangover kicks in, cleaning fluids in machinery make me passout and nearly land on a ban saw with a blade the size of tracker tire

Mmm...
(1_not_so_careful_owner, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:32, Reply)

I was using my mum's work computer a good few years ago
And saw that her bookmarks consisted of such useful sites as divorce.com, divorce.net and Ask Jeeves: What you need to know about divorce. Turns out I knew my parents' marriage was over before my dad did...
(Flabbergaster laughs at danger (and breaks all the rules), Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:25, Reply)

Catharsis
She phoned my wife, my family, my boss, my colleagues, all my friends and everybody who knew me.

Then she went on every website I hang about on and left messages on every single forum and mailing list she could find.

In fact, she still does from time-to-time, five years later, just to ensure that the message is still getting through.

There's probably a lesson to be learned here...

Ah yes.

Kids! Shagging About = A Bad Thing.

Also: We serve nothing but boiled bunny in this relationship.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:19, Reply)

i knew it was over,
..when after 30 seconds..she said "Is that it?"
(Mr Rabbit, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:16, Reply)

I don't know that it's over
Technically we've been on a break for the last 13 years. I've cheated on her lots though.

As for that relationship...I knew it was over when she found one of the others' underwear in my room...
( nick the greek, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 20:07, Reply)

i knew my job was over when....
Week 1: I get a verbal warning for not making any sales calls when sales calls makes no part of my job, and I try to argue the case.

Week 2: I get a written warning for putting Tuesday 7th instead of Wednesday 7th on a customers invoice.

And the day I get back from a weeks holiday I am given another warning for telling a customer that I couldn't beat the quote they had from a rival company.

And all through the 3-4 weeks in question the manager fucked up loads of jobs without any comeuppance whatsoever.

No matter, by the end of that week I had a much better job.
(bdgr can't think of anything witty to type here, Thu 21 Jul 2005, 19:48, Reply)