Death of a guinea pig
My parents got me a guinea pig when I was about 6, and it keeled over and died two days later. I couldn't understand why it had died. I had a cold at the time, so they told me that it had caught my cold and died. I felt guilty for years.

Bastards.
(Hippychick, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:18, Reply)

When I were a lad..
.. we had a lot of work done on the house and a new fireplace fitted. I wanted to help the builders unwrap it but as I moved towards it my Dad shouted "Careful, it's hot!". Naturaly I shot backwards across the lounge as my dad and his mates pissed themselves!

A few weeks later we had the kitchen done and a new oven was delivered. Despite the fact that two men had just carried it inside from a lorry, when I moved towards it the old fella shouted "Careful, it's hot!". Once again I darted away. Idiot.
(castro, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:14, Reply)

There's no place like the pub
There's a pub in Dublin called "The Yellow House", which my fiancee's parents told her was made out of spare bricks from the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz, and thus the name.

She was embarrassed when she realised the truth. When I told her. About 10 years later.
(Dopefish, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:13, Reply)

My mum once told me...
that if I fiddled with my belly button my bottom would fall off.
(Me and your sisters- at it. DVDs/Videos 10 quid., Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:11, Reply)

My mum
excelled at lying.

If you picked your nose, she said your head would cave in.

If you pulled a face, she said the wind would change and your face would stick that way.

She also used to lie about the rules in Trivial Pursuit, Blackjack and Monopoly, yet she would still lose at all three.
( groovegenerator The man who mistook his wife for his wife, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:09, Reply)

My dad once told me
That my Uncle who was in the TA had his legs blown apart - apparently, he tied them back together with shoelaces.

He also told me about when my Uncle ate a sandwich with radiation in it - apparently he was a giant sandwich for the day.

I also grew up to believe I was a descendent from the Zulu's - although he never told me the truth on that one. So maybe...
( karatesausage, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:06, Reply)

I was told by my parents
that meat is made out of animals.
(slog, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:05, Reply)

I don't know if he was really lying or not
but if I ever did something bad, my dad would threaten to whip me with a horsewhip.
( dr_fonz, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 15:03, Reply)

My parents told me that salad cream and mayonnaise were the same thing.
I was mightily pissed off when I found out the truth, and discovered that mayo was good, as opposed to the vinegary, slightly green gunk that was salad cream...

Bizarrely, I once had a girlfriend whose parents had perpetuated the same myth.
( chaotic_illuminator proud spacehopperist, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:57, Reply)

lets go fly a .......bmw :-\
When my parents divorced my father moved to Cape Town and every so often I would go and visit Dad....being around about 8/10 I was pretty young and ...gullible.

My father drove a brand new 535i BMW and on the dash it had a *magic* button. The fcuker told me that once this *magic* button was pressed invisible wings started extending out of the undercarriage of the car, in preparation for flight. However we never got to test this properly as lamp posts, post boxes and the like could have damaged the invisible wings.

I returned to Johannesburg and one morning in a friends parents car, with all my chums around, proudly stated that my fathers car could fly. I was drowned in laughter and am still taunted to this day.

I believed him; I had no reason to believe he would lie....why would anyone lie?

Bless the workings of a young un's mind.

(^-^)

If you're curious....it was the air conditioning button which lit up in blue...unlike the rest of the 'normal' buttons.
(louche_boy, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:56, Reply)

Me and my brother got caught...
...by my Mum, bless her!!! She told my brother that his great-great-great Uncle was Safety Officer on the Titanic (he only realised it was a lie when he got some quizzical looks around the office as he recounted the story).
And she got me good and proper when she told me that the statue of John Ray (whoever he was) in Braintree town centre was life size - it was about 9.1/2 feet tall and 7 feet wide, for years I had a mental image of this colossus shuffling around town, shoving people aside wherever he went. She sent me to the newsagents for tomorrow's papers once, too. Oh well, the psychologist says my treatment's progressing well.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:51, Reply)

I am somewhat guilty
When my little boy was three or four we read a book from the library about a mummy and a little boy. The little boy kept being naughty and the mummy got so cross she sprouted a long green tail, then ears, then wings, then scales and turned progressively into a monster until the little chap started behaving himself.

For a long, long time after reading that book, if he was misbehaving and couldn't be reasoned with, I would rub the small of my back and say I could feel a tail starting to grow. Instant co-operation!

Do any of you other lying parents out there find yourselves having to bite the insides of your cheeks to stop you laughing when trying to be stern or is it just me?
( weevilstepmother, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:50, Reply)

Coke
My dad said that to get Coke in cans, they froze it first then wrapped the cans around it.
(Phil not DS, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:42, Reply)

the spy who loved me.
my parents told me that in the intro to that film they were the skiers. i was so proud, i told all my school mates. they told their parents and came back to me telling my it was a load of bollocks.

i felt like a total dickhead. i was but 8yrs old.
( Tiggy Twitchin', Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:41, Reply)

Food
My parents would struggle to get me to eat meat, so they came up with the brilliant idea that cartoon characters brought the food especially for me. Spiderman brought Pork and Iceman brought chicken, the sad thing is that it worked.

It would explain my comics obsession as well
(DJ Skidz, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:41, Reply)

Not my parents...
..but when I was very little, my older brother told me that the jelly in pork pies was made from cow spit.

As a result, I refused to eat it - by the time I found out it was all a lie, my hatred of the stuff was ingrained.

I still can't eat it to this day.
( Mystery_Bob, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:35, Reply)

Double the fun
My mum always said to my sister that if you touched a butterfly's wing and the dust came off that it wouldn't be able to fly. She believed it right up until she was at work and told the office to much piss-taking.

Also, my dad had us all believing that his middle name was Goliath (his post always used to come with a G in the middle). It was actually Govier, his mother's maiden name. I preferred Goliath actually. Quite cool...
(themightyginge, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:33, Reply)

My father told me
(while we were at grandmother's house having a meal) that egg custard was lovely and that I should eat it all.

Wrong on both counts.
( Claws of Doom I am no longer infected, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:27, Reply)

My Mum, bless her,
told me that if you spend too much time sitting on the toilet, your colon falls out. And that sufferers have to push it back in while they're walking about, and it hurts.

I still have vivid mental images of your colon sticking out like a fat grey worm from your arse and having to poke it back in to stop walking bow-leggedly.
(testingtestingtesting, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:26, Reply)

Custurd
I always hated custurd as a kid, but was continually informed by my parents that it was made out of "crunched up sweets" in effort to get me to eat it. Why they particulary wanted me to eat custurd I'll never know.
( A good man, and thorough, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:24, Reply)

Back in the olden days...
...when I were little, I used to LOVE having baths. So much so, in fact that I hated getting out of the water and would complain vociferously through the medium of hysterical weeping. This quite rightly narked my folks off good and proper so they told me that a monstrous beasty called Tommy Splodger lived down the plughole and he'd come out and eat me if I didn't get out by the time the water ran out of the bath. The gurgle of draining water was Tommy slurping it down eager to get a taste of me! Thenceforth, my exasperated folks had more problems getting me into the bath than out of it due to my terror at being devoured by the drain dwelling Mr Splodger.
(Spicer, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:22, Reply)

Worms.
I was told that if you made cordial drink too strong it gave you worms.

I held this belief up until I went to university when somebody pointed out (whilst laughing at me) that my dad was just a cheapskate and didn't want me drinking all the cordial too quickly.
(Marwood, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:20, Reply)

Milk and Coke
My mother always told me that I couldn´t drink Coke before sleeping. I always drank milk at night, so if I drank Coke after that, it would kill me. The same for eating mango and drinking milk.
(Monocromatico Lady Godiva's horse, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:18, Reply)

Frogs near ponds
Not parents but when my Mum was younger her sister told her if you have your mouth open near ponds a frog will jump in. My Mum's now in her 50's and still keeps her mouth tightly shut near ponds. I find that funny.
(JSB, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:17, Reply)

My Dad:
Say hello to "Insert bloke's name here, he eats little boys."
- - -
Me: "Why was your bedroom door locked?"

Parents: "We were having a... Discussion."

Hmm, I'd looked through the keyhole before that point and through my formative years thought that when people were discussing things they were wrestling naked.

The mental image still haunts me to this day .
(Watermelon, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:16, Reply)

Thunderstorms
My mum used to tell me that the sound of thunder was God moving his furniture around
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:13, Reply)

both my parents told me that
i have a very rich old uncle in australia who is an author and was once the governor of new south wales.

i fucking believed them for years and even told my wife.

they had a great laugh about it over xmas past, when the told me he was actually a retired accountant. there seems to have been no real reason behind thier fib, just something to take the piss out of me for.

my wife now thinks i am weak in the head.
(big fat lazy man on a sofa is giving his piles a bloody good clawing, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:12, Reply)

Thunder
Similar to Dogtanian's...

When I was a lad my little brother was TERRIFIED of thunder (the inclement weather phenomena not the long-haired rock troupe) until one day my mum told him that thunder was the sound of God bowling a strike. This did lead to my brother's drawing of 'God', looking for all the world like 'The Dude' from 'The Big Lebowski', being on the fridge for nearly ten years.

Similarly apparently lightning is God taking photographs of angels.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:10, Reply)

My dad
used to tell me that there was a little man who lived inside the refridgerator and would turn the light on and off when you opened the doors.

These little guys were children who had been naughty, and were put in the shrinking machine by their parents, and forced to turn the fridge lights on and off as punishment for naughtiness.

Any time I misbehaved (and some times when I didn't) he would threaten to put me in the shrinking machine and make me live in the fridge.
(grrlatthrockshow, Wed 14 Jan 2004, 14:08, Reply)