First Cut is the Deepest
In the summer holidays my brother and I decided to have a sword fight(as you do) when I was about 8 and he was 12.
We each had our weapons, him a bread knife, me a two inch penknife. The time for the duel arrived and we each took five paces away from each other.
My brother being the cad that he was made the first move by brandishing his 'sword' at me and as he did this I panicked and mangaed to stab myself in the neck with my multi-tool missing my jugular vein by about 2mm.
Hence panic, spurting blood and running to a neighbours house claiming that my brother was giving me a piggy back and I fell onto the corner of the table...don't think the neighbour fell for it.

Not so much a near-death experience but for an 8 yr old it was the closest I had got!!!

Did I mention by the way that my brother and I were standing at least 8ft away from each other during the dual and even John Lewis doesn't make 8ft bread knives.
(Modster2k, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 13:08, Reply)

Touching the Void
The Shockwave was, as Drayton Manor Park and Zoo boasted, the UK's only rollercoaster where the hapless punters could ride standing up. A large yet comfy leatherette phallous went between your legs, and the usual shoulder bars were lowered to keep you in place.

Being a hyperactive twelve year old, and this being the only exciting ride in the whole park, I went on it about thirty times, running round and joining the queue as soon as I'd got off. The final time was to prove near-fatal.

Having convinced myself that I was now something of an expert, I spied a free place in one of the cars and lept over the safety barriers to take my position. The shoulder things came down and the carriage began to move. I started screaming and made a leap to the side as the carriage squealed to a halt, the hapless attendants having applied the emergency breaks.

I didn't speak again for a whole day, but kept replaying in my head how I might have died if I hadn't lept off, or the carriage hadn't stopped. It still gives me the chills just thinking about it.

*After the accident, Joe made a full recovery. He continues to ride rollercoasters.*
(the joe factory what makes joes, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:59, Reply)

stairway to heaven
On a school trip to some castle in Wales, a bunch of us were wandering up one of the towers, with me belting ahead at full speed up the stone circular staircase, when I suddenly stopped.

I'm don't know why I stopped, but can only assume that unconsciously I noticed there were NO MORE STEPS, and I was teetering on the edge of a 10-ft drop onto the stone steps I'd been running up a moment before.
( wangmaster2000, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:57, Reply)

One Dark Night...
...I was racing against a friend during a late-night Thrash around the hills on our Trusty Moutainbikes. We were riding through a stretch of fast and downhill field. We did it all the time.

This time was to be different: This time we were stoned.

Leering at each other (much like slavvering hounds with their heads out of the car window at 70mph) in the very murky darkness, we pounded on the pedals and hurled ourselves into oblivion. We were moving at warp speed into darkness. Scotty had nothing on us - He was right - HIS engines couldn't take any more - OURS however were pushing us faster and faster, until the world was a blur - We were going fater than humanly posible - We were laughing like maniacs - The feeling of speed was stupendous - the rushing sensation was..... GONE!
and so was my mate.
and so was my bike.

I was in pain. Really serious pain. I was alone in the dark, on the ground, and clutching at my nuts which seemed to have been violated in some way... I was a bloody and mangled heap of hurt.

It was then that I heard the noise. A deep gutteral gurgling wheezing noise that had no right to exist. It was scared the pap out of me, and then I realised where it was coming from... It was coming from my mouth.

I tried to stop it, but failed. The biggest thing on my mind was that I was making an embarassing noise and was powerless to stop. I was still wondering how to stop this incessant gurgling and groaning, when the cause of my crash made itself apparent: Thundering towards me was a particularly irate Bull. It was making a noise that's hard to describe. "pissed off Bovine" fails to cover it.
Try imagining the noise that a Gorilla would make if he was wearing a Ball-Gag, with his hands cuffed to his ankles, as you shove a Giant, Freshly-boiled and steaming hot Pinapple up his tightly puckered tea-towel holder.... Make it louder, and then add Thundering hooves as a background noise....

Worrying? you don't know the half of it.

It arrived on the same piece of field that I was occupying roughly 2 seconds after I had first sighted it.

*********
I can assure you, that if you're going to ride hell for leather through a field in the dark, It's a good idea to check for standing-and-sleeping cows.

Ride around them. Do not under any circumstances ride INTO them. Especially if they are giant bulls. Especially if you're doing 40mph.
**************

I was caught in a one-Bull stampede. It was not the most jolly occasion of my life. I realised that the beast was as blind in this darkness as I was. The pain of getting onto all fours and crawling took my breath (and silly noises) away. I crawled away from the meaty mother-lover, and found my mangled bike just as my mate re-appeared.

The damage list was surprisingly small
£600 Kona bike frame bent out of shape (but still ridable)
1 snapped handlebar. (bull arse)
2 broken ribs, (initial bull impact)
1 fractured finger, (bull stampage)
2 bruised nuts, (handlebar stem)
1 torn Scrote. (see above)

During the stompede I was convinced that I was going to die.
The Pain in my scrote for the next few days made me wish I HAD died.

Apologies to Farmer for arse-raping his bull with A mountain bike.

EDIT: Dear god that's one long post...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:45, Reply)

My mate
had just got himself a new car and decided that we should go down to the coast for the day using all the backroads we could find... He was going a little faster than he should of* and as we went over the brow of a hill he lost control. He fought to regain control, but failed and we ended up hitting a signpost, spinning twice and hitting a tree. I thought I had actually died, as I was sitting in the passenger seat staring at a load of mist (it was steam from the radiator). Evering seemed so quiet and calm. Turns out we were both ok, but for a minute there I thought I was my time was up. As we skidded across the road and collided with various objects it seemed like the whole thing happened in slow motion and it was an incredibley peaceful expirence, until my mate said 'you alright?, shit! my fucking car!'

*possibly
( Goldfish_, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:44, Reply)

I nearly fell off a cliff in Wales
and as I went past the point of reasonable balance, I suddenly became light and found myself standing back on the cliff again. I cannot explain what happened to this day. By rights I should be a pile of bones now.
( Mr Gear the gay-maker, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:44, Reply)

I got trapped under a float once.
Not a milkfloat, that'd be too funny.
One of those floats in swimming pools, the huge ones that about 10 kids can sit on.
It was possibly fear that made me pass out not lack of oxygen, but either way I woke up with a lifeguard looking concerned for my life, and my headmaster (it was a lesson at school) looking concerned for legal reasons.

Also, I just have to add here that my boyfriend almost got killed as he walked infront of a speeding car whilst not looking, playing Top Trumps with a friend, and got knocked down.
He says: "And I never got my cards back".
( CaroWallis, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:36, Reply)

I did actually die:
When I was 16, on my last day at my first job, my boss took me and a couple of colleagues for a farewell drink.

The pub that went to was opposite our office and in the space of two hours, I drunk six pints.

Cutting a long story a little shorter, I got hit by a car doing 60mph as I crossed the road back to the office. The impact with the car's front bumper broke my left femur in three. My left arm broke the car's windsreen and I fractured my left shoulder on the windscreen post.

Here's the good bit: I then sailed into the air and landed back on the side of the road I'd come from, only for another car to run me over. One wheel ran over my already mangled leg and the other hit my head, fracturing my skull.

Then I died. Seriously, the company first-aider had to give me the kiss-of-life and said afterwards that I was gone for six minutes.

I have no recollection of this so can't report any lights or tunnels. If I had've stayed dead though, I'd have known nothing about it.

I subsequently spent three months in hospital and a further three months at home convalescing.

I have a steel plate and 14 bolts holding my left femur together and a scar that runs from my hip to my knee: something to tell the little puppy inferior when he's older (:
( <>Dog www.stevelaker.blog, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:29, Reply)

Rolling a Renault 4 five times.
When avoiding a boy racer coming the other way on the wrong side of the road racing his mate, I took evasive action, hit a ditch and rolled over 5 times. Concussion, nearly lost my hands (top of windscreen pinned my hands to the steering wheel).

My life didn't flash infront of me, but I did think that it happened really, really slowly (the accident, not my life).

Another nice fact is this happened outside the gate to Althorp House, in Northamptonshire, where Princess Diana is buried. 100% Car Crash FACT!
( Toma_o, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:29, Reply)

Death in Leicester Square
A friend and I stupidly decided to go on a fairground ride run by some Pikey Scum in Leicester Square... It was one of those pirate-ship type things which go back-forth-back-forth-UPSIDE DOWN!! for a while... We weren't even pissed at the time.

So we got in and pulled the restraints down, and I commented that they were "a bit loose", my friend said they lock down when it starts moving...

And did they? Did they fuck! So every time it swung forward the restraints flipped up, while we shouted "fuck-fuck-fuck!" and then it went upside down and just stopped there... The restraints flipped right up and we were hanging upside down about 100ft above leicester square, with absolutely nothing holding us in place apart from our fingers, screaming blue murder.

When the death-trap eventually came to a halt we staggered out and I told the Thieving Gypsy Bastard that our restraints didn't come down, and he said "well yours might not have worked, but his should have been fine"... Then he just shambled off to have a swig of cider and dump some burning mattresses.

Did I see a bright light? Did I fuck. All I saw was the pavement about 100ft below, and little knots of tourists milling about.
( dr_fonz, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:28, Reply)

twisted
london attracts its fair share of homicidal taxi / bus / van drivers intent on venting their spleen directly through the spleen of any passing cyclist but nothing prepared me for the lovesick splitter who ambled onto a roundabout at about 30mph trapping my cycle and launching me some 10 yards. without the aid of a safety net i managed to decelerate using only my head and arse as brakes. with limbs akimbo i came to surrounded by morbid curios taking odds on my deadness when all i could muster was "this'd be at least 30 points in twister"
(chives, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:27, Reply)

I fear the reaper.
Part of my ear got shot off with a shotgun while clay pigeon shooting. It was my Dad who pulled the trigger. After a wee bit of plastic surgery, I have a normal (ish) ear again. That’s the last time I hold the fucking clay in the air for him and his drunken friends.
Got hit by a bus when pissed, (I was pissed, not the bus) bounced off it and landed on the bonnet of a metro. The couple who where in it were surprised to see my chubby face squashed against the windscreen. Only survived cus my body was so limp.
And the last one, I fell off a boat that was in a dry dock (i.e. on big stilts about 10 ft up from concrete) and landed on a 4inch metal bolt. It stuck out the side of my head. A mm deeper and it was bye bye boabmaster. As it was, it took a good 9 hours of surgery to remove. No lasting effects, though I have started to fight in my sleep.
Each time I’ve either been to stupid/ drunk to realise how close to death I have been. Not once have I “ floated” above myself, or seen a “white light”. I’m kinnda jealous. No life changing experience. Just stupid drunk stories. I’m just a bit of a twat really.I did think i heard GOD once,but it turned out to be Garry Barrlow hidding under my bed.
Length, you should be proud of it.
(Jeeves, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:22, Reply)

I was holidaying in Majorca...
in 1993 with my folks, and was indulging in a spot of fishing by the sea.

My line got wrapped around a rock, so I asked one of the friends I'd made on the holidays to help me untangle it. Except, as I walked over to him I slipped on some seaweed and went arse over tit straight into the Mediterranean.

Panic took over, and I found myself suddenly unable to swim. I couldn't push up to the surface, and I just kept on sinking. I doubt the water was particularly deep, but it felt it. My friend had gone running off for help and eventually it arrived.

I must have been underwater for all of 20 seconds, but it felt like hours.

Funnily enough I did see a bright light, but I suspect that was the flashlight of the guy who rescued me.

Annoyingly, this happened about four hours before our plane was due to leave. I had to walk around for the rest of the day in the last pair of boxers I'd brought whilst my other clothes dried off in the intense heat.
( GazChap, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:21, Reply)

First year at uni
Living away from my parents I was terribly excited at the prospect of independence and responsibility.

To get things going I thought, "I'm going to cook myself my very own meal!" and so I got a lasagne ready to put in the oven.

Not having ever used an oven before, I remembered hearing people talk about "pre-heating" so I turned the oven on and left it for half an hour.

I had forgotten that this oven required you to light the inside with a match for it actually to 'heat'. Thinking "d'oh!" I ran over and lit a match inside...

My memory of what happened is a little hazy but I do remember a sound much like 'KABOOM' emanating from the oven, accompanied by an enormous ball of fire. I felt myself thrown across the other side of the kitchen by the force of the explosion.

Somehow I wasn't burnt at all, but if there's one thing I learnt from this experience, it's this:

Don't EVER use an oven. It's simply not worth the risk.
(soma9766, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:18, Reply)

My plane experience
I was waiting in Guatemala city airport for a Cubana flight to come into to fly back to Cuba with me on it. I watched the plane come in, crash land on the run way and then turn into a fireball, killing about 40 people, the rest escaped.

The flight I caught two days later took off over the carcass of the plane at the end of the runway, which was nice.
(Nathalie Imbruglia's Cellist's Cello, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:13, Reply)

Airplane!
I was on the way to Amsterdam on the organge airline. It was a boring flight until we started to make our approach to land in a slight storm and the plane got hit by huge bolt of lightning. There was a loud crack (it sounded like the wing had been ripped off) and then total silence. You would have thought people would have screamed or something, but no, silence. Very British. Landed and when straight to a coffee shop to try and, er, relax.

I was on a 727 that had engine failure. As luck would have it we were on the ground and just about to take off.

My last aviation disaster was when we went skiing this year and the pilot taxied the plane into a lampost at Lyon airport. The post was fine, but the wing was buggered. Not to bad you may think, but the wings also hold the fuel tanks....

Not really near death, but definately pant filling. Don't get on a plane with me!
(FiatPanda, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:05, Reply)

horrible mugging in Honduras
I was walking along a beach in Honduras with my girlfriend when suddenly we were surrounded by 10 teenagers waving machetes and skewers who were probably as frightened as we were. They were yelling and slapping me with the flats of the machetes and separated my GF from me and proceeded to strip us of anything valuable we had (very little, but they made me take off my sandles). They were very panicky and jumpy and were screaming and yelling in our faces. I had to take off a ring that had never ever come off before, or they would have chopped my finger off. They were groping my GF, looking in her bra for money, and grabbing me round my bollocks, when they found we only had enough cash on us to buy drinks. They couldn't believe that we weren't hiding roills of notes, and this made them really angry.

They then decided the best thing for us was to take us into some nearby woods (luckily my spanish is pretty good so I could understand them) so I started saying "come on guys, you got your treasure, you don't want to dow anything to us now let us go, and by the way we are NOT going in those trees". They started getting really het up by this point and visions of gang rape and cut throats was seriously running through my mind, when suddenly a guy on a horse comes out of nowhere and placed his horse between us and them and we were able to escape. God knows what might have happened had he not come along, he is owed some serious karma.
(Nathalie Imbruglia's Cellist's Cello, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 12:01, Reply)

drowning by numbers
Oh, and I just remembered when I was 9 and my sister 6 we were on holiday at the beach and at the old rubbish dump site there was a great big pool of scummy weed infested water.
my sister thought it was grass to walk on, but before i could find a stone to throw in it and prove it was water, in she went, straight to the bottom. Luckily dad was out looking for us and got her out.

Naturally, I got the blame, and the hiding for it all.
But i burnt her leg with the car cigarette lighter on the way back home later on to make up for it. Except i got another hiding.
Life's not fair sometimes.
(fushundchups taste better with vinegar, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 11:57, Reply)

what?? what did i do now??
Was working as a groundsman at University over the summer holidays and was paired up with this munter who always had to use all the tools and be the one in charge, even though we were just picking up the leaves and the rubbish (shit job, but a guy's gotta eat).
One day after a gale the night before, we were sent out to clear up some broken branches etc.
Out munter boy comes with the chain saw and starts hacking away at everything in sight.
All of a sudden i hear this incredible revving sound of the engine and feel this breeze come right past my face.
The twunt, instead of tightening the bar, had loosened it (must have been because he was left handed or something).
It's not until i realise the side of my face is bleeding where the flying chain has skimmed past me do I twig to what has happened.
I remember our family priest chanting inexorably ever week, thou shalt not kill, but decided that God would forgive me. I ended up with a broken hand and him two almighty black eyes.
(fushundchups taste better with vinegar, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 11:47, Reply)

Lunar death run! May day! May day!
When I was an astronaut, working for a secret government organisation in 1806, I had a near death experience.

I was to be the pilot on the real first rocket to the moon. It was a steam powered rocket and, to keep it secret, we built it to look like a lighthouse. Suspicions were raised amongst locals, as the found the addition of a lighthouse to trafalgar square seemed a bit eccentric. However, we managed to quell interest in our project by travelling in time and starting the Great Fire of London over 100 years late.

The day of the launch, we had to distract the attention of the entire populous of the capital. This was surprisingly easy to achieve. We recruited Brian Blessed, who stood on top of the yet-to-be-built Millenium Dome and shouted 'Look over there' and pointed in the opposite direction of the launch.

Needless to say, with British engineering the way it is, the launch was effortless. We had practiced pulling all the levers and turning the dials for days, and all that effort paid off.

We arrived in space without a glitch. Now we had to set course, and for some reason our compass had stopped working. We decided to take our navigation method from nature. So, in moth-like mimicry, we kept the moon to our left at all times.

Two days later, we reaslised we were lost in space. We hadn't been keeping the moon to our left at all; we had mixed it up with the sun. What is more we were running out of air. Luckily, my first mate (A pre-'spit' Bob Carolgees) had bought with him a packet of twenty balloons of various colours. We quickly set about inflating them, and by this method we had created a considerable extra air supply, which we had to ration out for the rest of the journey.

Using an ordinance survey map and Bob's keen eye for navigation, we managed to figure out where we were; twenty miles from the Sun, directly above the M27. We recharted our course, and just managed to get to the moon before closing time. We stuck up a British flag as quick as we could, and set off for home.

Obviously by this time, we were very short of air. We opened all the cupboards in case there was any in there, but to no avail. As I slipped into unconciousness I remember hoping that we were pointing in the right direction, as we were all passing out, and we would have no opportunity to steer for ourselves.

This is when I had my near death experience. There was a tunnel of light which a vole lead me through. When I got to the other end I saw that it was the Dartford tunnel. Then I spotted my Grandmother, who was negotiating the purchase of a bungalow. I tried to tell to tell her to check for rising damp, but she told me it wasn't time for me to be there yet.

That's as much as I remember. The next thing I recall is waking up in the upside down rocket. It had landed nose first in the stoney beach of Southsea seafront. We hid the rocket under some leaves, and caught the next train home, stopping only to have tea and scones at the station in Liphook.
( baldmonkey a frothy foul-smelling vaginal discharge, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 11:39, Reply)

I was out for a meal...
...with my girlfriend and her parents and feeling horny as hell. I was busily undressing my girlfriend with my eyes when her dad asked me "So, finished clearing out the garden yet?". Now, I MEANT to reply: "Yeah, my friend came round with a leaf blower" but in my horny state instead replied "Why don't you all fuck off so your daughter can get 'em out and give me a tit wank".

I could have died.
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 11:30, Reply)

My mum
really has had an out of body experience, she had really bad asthma and has had her heart stop. The time in question she recalls seeing the paramedics using the defibrilator on her from the corner of the ambulance, turning and seeing the shining light and a feeling of pure calm. she tried to speak to the paramedics and tell them not to worry about bringing her back and that everything was ok. But then her heart was obviously started again and she was pulled back inside her body. she also told me that she never told anyone and had never heard of this phenomena before and the first time she realised that she wasn't the only one was when she happened upon a documentary on the TV. Now i'm not the religious type and whether this is a 'heavenly' experience or whether it's down to a flooding of chemicals to the brain one thing i do know is this definately isn't something my mother would make up and i for one am glad she didn't die. (she still hasn't given up smoking though - twat)
( Clairebare Back once again with the Ill behaviour, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 11:23, Reply)

Drowning
Got caught in a riptide off Fistral Beach. Shoulder gave out and trying to paddle one armed whilst steering with the rip.
Lifeguard help? Shouts "paddle" Now I hadn't thought of that!

Got a tow in from some friendly surfer, had to be restrained from the lfiegurad from me mates as he staring getting sarky. Kicked fuck out of his ponce mobile tho
(1st team orc, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 10:38, Reply)

Crackers
I was not the subject of a near death experience but the instigator!

I was in London with a university friend, happily munching away on a bag of prawn crackers. I had my head down looking at what I was eating and simply followed my mate wherever he walked. Next thing I knew he had stopped walking, I had walked into the back of him, crushed my bag of prawn crackers, and looked up to see him knocked into the path of a fast moving motorcycle. He could feel the wing mirror brush past him at about 60mph. And what was the only thing I could say? 'Oi you idiot, you broke my prawn crackers!'
(Angsty, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 10:31, Reply)

After about 3 weeks of killing headaches and spontaneous vomiting, my local GP finally decides to recognise the textbook, universal signs of something foreign inside the brain. The hospital's scans confirmed that I had had a haemmorrage (sp?) and a collosal blood clot had been forming. I mean, this thing was HUGE, bigger than a golf ball, smaller than a kiwi fruit. By then i should have been in a coma, I'm told, and I was about to die. Luckily, I'm invincible and was still capable of walking and talking. The doctors hacked it out double quick and I'm now spending the rest of my life hampered with no ill effects at all. Yay.

If you want me to apologise for length, you shouldn't have read it.
(Slurpy The Frog, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 9:39, Reply)

Survival with aplomb
Coming back from a horrible school ski holiday (bastard bindings had been too tight, nasty resort, scary icy slopes, chairlift bloody difficult to get off, etc), our coach back to the French port was happily trundling along the Austrian autobahn (yes, we had to drive through Germany and France... nowt like a 23-hour coach journey to make you appreciate motorway service stations) in the cold and the darkness.

One moment, fine, next: coach at 45-degree angle. At least, that was my point of view. Most other people had noticed that something was awry and that the coach was no longer parallel to the road's white lines, and had terrifiedly realised what was going to happen. The front of the coach was totally smashed (drivers were alright, though), and I was completely unaware of this also. So, I thought it was all a ripping lark, and I started an impromptu B-movie narration of it ("O calamity! How will our intrepid explorers extricate themselves from this predicament?" or something like that). As one, everyone around me said, "shut up, Anna!" in between panicked sobs.

I was one of few people who had no injuries whatsoever. This I attribute to the fact that I was also one of the few people who'd bothered to wear the seatbelts. Buckle up, kids.
The girl next to me hadn't been wearing her seatbelt, and was only saved from head injury by the fact that she collided with anchored me instead of falling into the aisle.

Huddled together in the cold dawn hours in a German service station, we were nevertheless very excited to see our mangled coach on the German news. It was only then that I realised what a nasty situation we'd been in.
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 9:39, Reply)

Motorboats are your friends.
Broke my neck once at school on a crashmat, had to wear one of those stupid neck ring things. Didn't think much of it at the time, was too worried about the grinding noise when I got up off the floor. No spinal cord damage though, lucky bugger I am.

Got run over by a motorboat once. Went to a big sailing race (56 boats) and rented a Laser dinghy, cos the race was at a different club than the one I usually went to. Of course, they didn't bother to tell me that there were big fuckoff cracks in the hull about 2 feet long.

It was during the second day of racing that the crack finally gave out, anf the hull began to fill with water, making the boat unbalanced and making it capsize every few minutes. Eventually it reached to point where the boat was really starting to sink, upside down. I spent the good part of an hour or so trying like mad to not decend into the watery depths.

After my 40 somethingth capsize, a rescue boat came along and tried to bring my boat up. No luck, even with the rescue man giving a hand. Another rescue boat comes along, and the driver told me to jump in, as I was dead on my feet.

Of course, if you are cold, hungry and have been hard at work for the last hour, you can't jump very well. I managed a sort of spastic collapse over the side of his boat, and suddenly the slipstream grabbed my legs and ripped them under the outboard engine.

Thus envigorated by the threat of amputation, I dragged myself aboard and fainted. It was only later, as I was drying myself off, that I noticed the semi-circular four inch long gash across the inside of my right leg. If the driver hadn't shut off the engine in time, I would have lost my wedding tackle and a good part of my stomach.

Scary, to say the least.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 9:23, Reply)

I have 2
I was larking about when i was about 3 (as you do) at my aunts new house. What they didn't realise is that there was an over-grown pond at the end of the garden.
I fell in and almost drowned luckily my cousin spotted me and pulled me out.

The other time was when i lived in a little place called Radstock (just outside of Bath) I was riding my bike down a huge hill after visiting my girlfriend.
I hit a pothole in the road just about got the control back when i hit a log that was lying in the gutter and flew over the handlebars followed by me and the bike skidding down the road.
I got up and pulled myself and my bike out of the way just as a artic lorry came round the corner. If i had been a few seconds later i wouldn't be here writing this now. In the end my front wheel was buckled and i ended up with a pair of torn trousers and some bruises and scrapes.
( Plomien is Polish for flame, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 9:09, Reply)

getting
my head stuck in some bars and momentarily thinking i was going to be stuck forever and die! alas i got out abt 2 minutes later:)
( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 9:05, Reply)

At a certain (nameless)...
...theme park in the UK (look its NOT Drayton Manor, ok!) About 5 of us got on the pirate ship ride (you know the one thats like a huge swing). As it started swinging we realised that the safty barriers that hold you into the seat were not down. We all held on for dear life (screaming at the attendent who ignored us because everybody screams.) Eventuallly a well thrown wallet caught the bitch around the head and she realised and hit the emergency stop button. Another 3 or 4 swings and the ride would have hit the vertical and the pavement would have taken a lot of cleaning! And what did we get as way of apology? Yup thats right; free all summer passes to Drayton Manor!

Oh oh oh... Swallowed a wasp outa a can or carlsberg export once (thats not relevant!) the wasp wasn't very pleased and stung me in the throat to prove it, its not much fun trying to tell people you can't breath and then to them explain why you can't breath all when you can't breath!
( Manofmilk walks without rhythm but still attracts the worm, Fri 26 Nov 2004, 8:17, Reply)