Second year at uni
I'm sensing a theme here...

Start seeing this older girl in the year above me (although when I met her she was so bloody juvenile I thought she was a first year). After circling each other for several weeks, a couple of our friends intervene and point out that we obviously fancy each other and we should start dating.

I should have started worrying when she said she didn't want to tell anyone and that we would only be "semi-official". We started sleeping round at each others' places, sharing the bed, but then she told me that she wasn't going to have sex before marriage.

She'd had sex with her previous boyfriend (who was apparenly very lovely and very nice and eligable for fucking sainthood), but then her mother had found out and told her (21 year old) daughter that she wasn't to do it again until she was married. She agreed!

Cue 2 1/2 months of (fairly good) hand jobs and me fingering her but her always kicking my hands away before she came because she "wasn't allowed" to have an orgasm. In the end I realised I was bi and fed up with her and chucked her.

A few weeks later she started seeing my best friend and they were apparently shagging like bunnies. Shit.
(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 14:05, Reply)

You know that look girls get when you're definitely in with a chance?
No, me neither. And that's why I was 18 before I lost mine.
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 14:03, Reply)

First year at uni
Okay, so I lost it even later...

It was the first term and I'd been hanging out in the common room of our halls with a bunch of folks for several weeks, one of whom was this slightly odd but fairly fit looking girl. We seemed to get on really well and late one night she asked me back to her room. I was already in my jim-jams (aww, bless), so I put on my dressing gown and wandered up to her room on the top floor where things proceeded to get incredibly tactile and VERY interesting.

She should never have left the telly on.

There was some crappy drama on that we weren't really paying attention to, when all of a sudden I heard a familiar voice. A girl who I'd been at college with and who'd gone on to be an actress (she can currently be seen playing Naughty Rachel in Green Wing) wandered across the screen. I jumped up (massive hard on not withstanding), pointed at the screen and proclaimed "I know her!".

The girl I was with said that was very nice, "anyway, I'd better go to bed now. I'll see you tomorrow" and I was ejected from the room. Fuck.

It turned out later that this rather dippy seeming nice girl was in fact completely nuts and something of a slapper, so I escaped alright, I suppose.

Didn't lose it for another 5 1/2 years though (yeah, I know, tragic)
(Iris_Wildthyme is three sheets to the wind, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:56, Reply)

Lost it....nearly
I did a fucking good 'shop for the Virgin Challenge.

It was clever, well edited and in with a chance of being on the 'Best' page at the end.

I doubt I'd win an actual prize (xbox etc) but still.

Then Virgin pull the compo.

So I nearly lost it.


/relucks
( The Lurker Plenty One, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:51, Reply)

Regret? Not a bit...
Back in the day when I were a lad (sixteen to be precise) and the ladies started to take an interest in me and the opportunities started to present themselves, it proved a mixed blessing. At the risk of sounding like a total twat I didn't want to look back for the rest of my life knowing I'd dropped me shorts first time out with just any old biffer who hung around long enough.

First g/f was two years my senior but I was slightly freaked by one or two worryingly psychotic tendancies, not the least of which was a serious marriage proposal after a fortnight of dating. Next.

Second lass who latched on to me was four years my senior(!) but had a worrisome penchant for shagging anything that moved, so I passed on that also as I'd rather my first time didn't culminate in a trip to the local clinic and a course of antibiotics. Next.

Third lass was in one of my classes at college and during a break cigarette offered herself up on a plate. However, she was already seeing someone else. Homewrecker? Moi? Next.

Fourth lass was a sweet enough girl to start with but I began to realise she was annoying, clingy and posessed all the subtley of a runaway shit-wagon. Next...

Girl number five. Now we're talking! She was very attractive in a tall, blonde and Teutonic sort of a way (no, I'm not making this shit up - she's German) and I was well away. To my young eyes she was the very epitome of loveliness and to cap it all she was as much a novice as me. Hallelujah!

A good few weeks dating culminating in her being dropped off for the weekend, a trip to the cinema, a couple of beers and finally us returning home to discover that my folks had turned in for the night later we're both passionately rolling about the lounge, with clothes being scattered all over the place charged with all the youthful enthusiasm that two frisky but inexperienced sixteen year olds can muster. My pulse was racing and my life flashed before my eyes as I realised that this was it, I'd look back and remember this moment for the rest of my life... What's this? It won't fit! Why won't it go in?

Fucksocks. Bugger, bollocks and shite. And fucksocks again.

The poor lassie was understandably very nervous - hell so was I, my heart was absolutely in my mouth - but her nerves seemed to have slammed the door shut so to speak. Several hours of "let's just give it one more try" later and we'd got no further both finally admitted defeat and retired to our respective bedrooms with our v-plates still in place.

Argh!

Edit - to cap it all off, when we finally did do the deed Chesney fucking Hawkes was at number one in the charts... The shame.
Edit - actually that might be a blessing, it could just as easily have been "Do the Bartman".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:48, Reply)

I was 11 years old...
...and hanging out with my brother, his rough-as-fuck-slapper of a girlfriend who really was named Shaz (I think they were about 14 or so at the time), and her equally ahem, free-spirited mate who was a year or so younger than my brother's squeeze. I'm almost certain that her name was Tracey. What are the chances?

Anyway, I barely knew what sex was back then, and when my brother disappeared into a derilict house with slapper in tow, I was left alone with her mate. We didn't have much in common and I didn't like her very much (a bit too coarse for me - sugar and spice is an old-fashioned set of values, I know, but believe me, she was waaay over the other side of the line) so conversation trailed off quickly.

So, in leiu of something to talk about she jumped onto my lap (thankfully she was fairly svelte) and started snogging my face off. I went along, but was slightly disgusted all the same*. Then she started to undo my jeans.

Me: 'What are you doing?'
Her: '{nodding toward the house} There's plenty more rooms in there, you know'
Me: 'Eh? {grabbing at her hands} I asked what you're doing'
Her: 'I want to have a look at it'
Me: 'Tough. Get off me, I'm off home'

She wasn't convinced and carried on. I had to bodily shove the girl off me, putting her on her arse. Then home I went to play on my Atari, accompanied by much profane reproach from mini-slapper, which at the time I thought was harsh seeing as she was the one 'being all rude and that'. My brother later asked what I was thinking walking off when I 'could have been into her for sure'. He tried to make me understand and failed - I didn't work it out for years. These days, I wonder what he was thinking - I was 11 for fuck's sake - I didn't even have puebs back then :)

With hindsight, the claim that I popped it at age 11 would have been quite cool, but I'm still glad I didn't because losing it to a slapper named Tracey isn't cool at all. The girl who did pop it a couple of years later was a bit shit* if I'm honest but still, she had a bit more class and made up in quantity what she lacked in quality.

* For those who don't know, I worked out that I was a gay at age 27 - these are the moments I look back on and think 'Why the fuck didn't I figure it out sooner?'
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:43, Reply)

I was glad not to lose mine
I was an altar boy for four years and managed to never once have the priest bless my sacrament.
( Dave the Mighty, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:43, Reply)

So, so many times...
...such as when I bowked rich, brown cider-flavoured vomit over the lovely Julia's milky white breasts at the vital moment.

...such as when I took the equally lovely Debbie to see a band. Ultravox. She fled.

...such as the time I went swimming with the gorgeous Lea, and laughed at her fat arse after she told me not to laugh at her fat arse.

...and, shamefully, completely failing to get the message when the ravenous Mwfanwy spread-eagled herself across the snooker table when I was lining up a shot. I failed to pot the pink, and then failed to pot the pink.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:40, Reply)

Dark days
"You've gone all soft..."

Indeed I have. I partly blame the drink, but I mostly blame your incessant rambling about how great your ex was in bed; that stuff is intimidating.

Still, got a titwank and a couple of blowjobs out of her, and now we're mates. Huzzah!
(bad1dea, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:36, Reply)

The Lord
My first girlfriend was a Christian and said she couldn't have sex until we were married. It was OK to give me blowjobs and her cunning linguistics - but not full sex (haven't seen THAT in the Bible). I was with her for two years and agreed to her silly religious crap out of respect.

She left me because I wasn't religious enough ... and then immediately started shagging a guy who didn't believe in God. Apparently her previous devoutness was 'a phase'.

Fortunately, my wife is a Catholic and they're filthy. She once sucked me off while the parish priest was in the next room. Now THAT's a religion!
(frankspencer, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:34, Reply)

I don't need girls

I have my 'Tickle-Me Emo' doll.

Although it's a bit depressing when I tickle him and he says I only tickle him because I don't understand his pain.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:34, Reply)

Internet Boyfriend
I was 15, he was 17. I was planning to run away to his house, which was 120 miles away (mother would kick off if I asked for permission.) We looked at train times, I had money saved up for a ticket, everything was planned. I'd sleep in the spare room, and his dad was all ok with this. Then at the last minute I changed my mind, 'cause I wanted to go shopping, and saving for a ticket meant I had the money to go shopping.

A few days later I asked what he was up to, he said "Chucking condoms at my brother, I've got several dozen." Thinking he was some sort of weirdo, I asked why he had so many condoms, he said "Well I thought you were coming up."

Damn my naivety! I was expecting handholding and hugs and walks through town!

Oh well, lost it 3 months later with a fit local lad with long hair. Still with him too :D
( Kittenpants, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:31, Reply)

From the greatest regrets a few weeks back. I still sob to this day
Many years ago when I was a randy teenager avec cherry I was given the perfect opportunity to ditch my V plates - my parents had decided to go on holiday for the first ever time without me and my older brother and so I invited the then girlfriend round.

I was going out with a lovely young lady at the time who was very open, forward, fit and most importantly, filth. After many years of waiting and er, performing solo I was going to get some. Just as long as my brother pissed off and left for the night.

I convinced my big brother to politely fuck off for the evening and leave me and the missus alone. I reckon 5 minutes would have probably done but he agreed to leave for the night - too willingly looking back now.

As soon as he left the house I began getting ready, tidying the house and relieving the pressure with a quick ménage a une when my brother and 3 of his friends burst into my room, pinned me to my bed and proceed to cover my crotch with 3 bottles of green food dye (one would have done, really) and then ran off out the house into my brothers car leaving me with Grotbags' thumb hanging out my pants.

My girlfriend was due round any minute and as this was pre-mobile era, there was nothing I could do to stop her coming round. Being a man, British and proud I did the brave thing and cried like a little girl til the missus came round, hid Orville’s wing tip, dried my eyes and let her in.

She only wanted one thing and pestered me all night but I was too embarrassed to let her know what had happened and instead told her things were moving too fast (smooth) and that we should take our time.

Two days later I was dumped for being a frigid twat. It was a good few months before mini hulk looked more like Dr. Banner again and three years before I finally got some. From green cock to blue balls.

My final regrets are firtly not noticing the flash that went off in the background when my brother and his friends jumped me and secondly taking my camera to the local snappy snaps a few months later to proces what I thought was innocent holiday photos rather than posting the film....
(Let's all have an asbo, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:26, Reply)

so many missed oppotunities
Midnight kissing games with my sisters friends.

xGF wanting to go further and me not understnading (when she did lose it she thought she got pregnent and police where involved so kinda lucky for me)

Reading festival but no condoms

finaly lost it to a girl at the wrong time of the month. Waking up with bloody bits is NOT nice!!!
( Crap Little Monkey Deathstar, so good they built it twice, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:25, Reply)

But we'll be married then....
Being brought up as a strict Roman Catholic does have its downsides (really!). I had it drummed into me that regardless of whether we had the white dress and party, in the eyes of god once we'd hidden the salami we were married.... Ok...so there I am, sweet 16, first 'serious' boyfriend. He lived about 10 miles away so we used to meet up at weekends at each other's houses. His mum was never in so we were left to our own devices...in fact when she was in she still left us to our own devices....we used to go listen to music in his bedroom....And carry out every position known to man that did not involve tab P in slot V! We had an extremely active sex life....but it was allowed because we weren't actually shagging....see, I'm with Bill Clinton on this one....if you don't shove it in, it doesn't count!

I decided, without telling him, that I would 'let' him pop my cherry (yeah, like there was anything left!) when we had been together one year....We split up after 11 months and he went off with a large ginger girl who gave out to whoever was interested....I said he'd be back within 3 months, he was....she only offered straightforward in & out....not all the other good stuff....But too late....hahahaha! I had discovered the boys' school next door! Woohoo!


But still didn't 'go all the way' for another TWO YEARS!!!! I had crazy ideas of needing to be in love with them....*sigh* all that wasted time....
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:21, Reply)

Seconds
I'll always remember the offer of a chance to loose my virginity which basically involved my mate looking through the local paper and threatening to call one of the various "visiting massage" girls.

Turned it down when he said he would have to go first cos he was paying for it - even then I realised that going second was not the way to go.

Popped my cherry a few weeks later with Vicky and have regretted not waiting ever since, i was 12.

Length, girth? Elaine?
(TAZ220 Not giving a toss since, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:06, Reply)

nooooo!!
I still fear 'The Fish'. A girl of monstrous appearance that relentlessly pursued sexual conquest of my good innocent self. She spat a lot when she talked, and according to local folklore became well lubricated under the influence of arousal. I guess her nick name lends credence to these characteristics.

Thankfully my evasion tactics proved successful and she lost interest (after many, many months).

I have occasionally thought how life would have turned out if a carnal act between her and I were to occur- my conclusion is always, thankfully, "for the worse".

I try to avoid the town where I believe she still pedals her vile appearance upon other poor hapless innocents, consequentially I now live somewhere a lot better, and within walking distance of Glastonbury festival!

Woo!
(Rabid, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 13:03, Reply)

I thought she actually meant going to sleep...
I was 14, my girlfriend was staying over along with a few other friends and we were all going to sleep in my bedroom.

Earlier in the day she whispered to me "I'll sleep with you if you want". In my innocent young mind I thought that she actually meant that she was willing to sleep next to me, so I just nonchalently said "OK" and thought nothing more of it until the next day. It hadn't occured to me that we had already done this many times so sleeping in the same bed really wasn't a big deal.

I wondered why my over-casual response surprised her so much.

Took me 2 more years before I had another chance. What a flid!
(Tom Jones's Mojo Hasn't had any since, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:58, Reply)

jump in, bitch
At sixth form (yes fuck off i lost it late ok?) I met this really cute girl, tall and ginger (i know, i know: rusty roof, smelly garge and all)

All very well, lots of longing stares in both directions, however being a spotty oik, at a tender age of 16/17 the only thing i could do was get a raging hard on. Becuase of course talking to her would mean death by public castration.

In the end nothing happned between us, She decided that she like rug munching more and chose a girl called Trolley* to practice eating the vertical seafood taco with.

so kids the moral of the story is: if she shows the slightest bit of intrest, act on it**. Dont think it'll magicaly happen. (it took three girls to realise that, i could have lost it year 10 if had the balls)

however restratining orders are usally a sign that you've pushed it just that smidge to far.

*who ironically did look quite like one

**not have a wank, talk to her. Asking her if she likes Tv is not usally a good route either.
(KaiserPro captain arse rape, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:56, Reply)

Millenium Eve...
...and my friend has had his head down the toilet since 9.30, leaving me with two utterly utterly fantastically beautiful girls...who I blanked all night, despite spending the night with them on a couch, and them squeezing my arse all night...

I was 13!!! I don't even think I'd kissed a girl by then...A few years later I turned down a potential threesome as well...

Made up for lost time though, and lost it to a milf, three years later, who said I was very talented....so 'ner'

Apologies for girth.... (She did spend the entire time saying "It's so big". So awesome for your first time!!!)
( Mr.Ons knows you can hear him, Earthmen., Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:53, Reply)

Stupidity
Through my own short fallings, I have never been able to realise when it is that a girl has taken a shine to me. The immortal words 'Do you want to come for a walk in the woods with me?' She said, in a short skirt and low cut top 'Nah, I've got my new trainers on' says I, without blinking an eye, 2 hours it took for me to realise what she meant.
While performing menial tasks every so often I regress back to that moment, and I die a little inside.
(rhyddman, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:52, Reply)

How romantic
We were 13 and lived in a tiny village where we were the only children our age, I should have known that it wasn't meant to be wehen he wouldn't kiss me with tongues. My parents were out and we were left to our own devices on the sofa, exploring so to speak. He asked if I wanted to have sex, but he had no protection, (God I sound like a tramp!)he then offered to use a plastic carrier bag that he broght his homework down in! I maybe from Somerset but I do have some standards, if he was my brother then that would have been different.

Lenghth, girth, well it would never have filled a tesco's bag that's for sure!
(Roxy_Bees, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:49, Reply)

I was in the enviable position
of sharing a bed with two girls at a house party when I was about 14. I kick myself everytime I think back to what could have happened. (Too drunk / naive to do anything)
( McBadger COW, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:40, Reply)

I was 12, she was 11
Staying at her house for the first time, sharing her bed. Her stepdad had left condoms on the bedside table*

I got a hand job, she wouldn't let me go further. She then told her family that we'd had sex.

* This scares me more looking back now than it did at the time.
(bblgoose, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:38, Reply)

damn - so close!
when i was a young lad, thoughts more on tree climbing and pirates than on a girls lady bits, i was jumped on and molested by a comely slightly older lady.

we were camping out in a mates back garden and she was in my sleeping bag wearing just her underwear. she was giving me my first proper snog and all i could do was pretend wrestle her and brush her teeth with my tongue. ah the innocence of youth!

thinking back to it now she was 'going for gold' and i was completely unaware!

lost my v plates four years later. sheesh.

lh
(localhost, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:37, Reply)

In a caravan with my bird........
in bed, must've been about fourteen. After hours of snogging groping and fingering. She's on top of me grinding herself onto my cock, with just her knickers on. For some reason I didn't rip them off and give her one. Don't know why, I think at the time I thought girls didn't want to have sex. What a twunt.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:32, Reply)

First.
Yeah.

Pop.

shit there goes my viginity
(sparticus, Fri 27 Oct 2006, 12:26, Reply)