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This is a question Old stuff I still know

Our Ginger Fuhrer says that he could still code up a simple game idea in Amstrad Basic, while I'm your man if you ever need to rebuild the suspension on an Austin Allegro (1750 Equipe version). This stuff doesn't leave your mind - tell us about obsolete talents you still have.

(, Thu 30 Jun 2011, 17:04)
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I know all the lyrics to the rap in the middle of "Mr Vain" by popular ? 90's act "Culture Beat".

Plus mate knows random items as 940/XXXX as he worked at Argos.

Which is nice
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 23:42, Reply)
I can still recall all 151 of the 1st generation of Pokémon, their typings and the levels at which most evolve.

E.g. Kabuto is Rock/Water type and evolves at Level 40 into Kabutops. Kabuto is obtained by choosing the Dome fossil at Mt. Moon.

Eevee (Normal Type) can evolve into seven different Pokémon (as of Gen 5); Flareon (Fire Type) via Fire Stone, Vaporeon (Water type) via Water Stone, Jolteon (Electric Type) via Thunderstone, Espeon (Psychic Type) via leveling up with maximum happiness during the day, Umbreon (Dark Type) via leveling up with maximum happiness during the night, Leafeon (Grass Type) via leveling up in the vicinity of a Moss Rock, and Glaceon (Ice Type) via leveling up in the vicinity of an Ice Rock.

I'm starting to be able to do the same with the 2nd Gen 'mon too. I have a life, honest.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 23:14, 6 replies)
I used to be able to get round the phone dial lock applied by my mum
by tapping the cradle to dial the number instead. It took a lot of concentration if your friend had lots of 8s and 9s in their number.

Utterly useless skill now.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 23:13, 5 replies)
you can buy it* for 19p** a pop***, if you get the time of day right...
or you can make it' much better at home, from proper ingredients, every few days for not much more '' per loaf/pair of boules/few baguettes/a clutch of fougasse etc.'''
yup, i make bread(s) at home.

*shit loaf of chowwy pap.
**or maybe 9p or 29p or whatever.
***loaf/plastic bag of yeasty poo/fake paper "supreme loaf"
'proper sourdough bread
''actually about a quid and a half a loaf''' if you do them 2 at a time.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 23:02, 3 replies)
Useless languages and operating systems
Comal, Pascal, DCL; I can also still find my way around VAX/VMS, MPE and other dinosaurs like Pick and Prime.

As much use commercially as tits on a fish, but stuck in there like shit to a blanket. It just does not seem to go away - ever.

Can also diagnose Guru Meditation codes and colour codes from memory. Because of course the industry is crying out for mid 80's computing proficiency.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 22:43, 4 replies)
Is the cheat code for your cheat codes to magically disappear.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 20:46, 1 reply)
19 65 9 17 C
In the sound test unlocked level select in Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Then from there, 4 1 2 6 unlocked Super Sonic.

Ahh... memories. Now useless memories.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 20:26, 5 replies)
Ghouls and Ghosts
On the Amiga version if you quickly typed "karenbroadhurst" you got infinite lives.

Oh, and the door code to the first mission on the classic game Captive was top left, bottom left, top right, bottom right.

Irrelevant now. :(
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 19:47, 1 reply)
081 811 81 81
That was the telephone number to Live and Kicking competitions, and I think Going Live before that. Then they changed it to 0181 811 81 81.

ohh and I still remember my first mobile number 078555644** (*'s in case someone else now has that number). I haven't had that number in 8/9 years. i also remember my ex girlfriends number from then, It was only 2 digits different.

Can't remember my wifes number though, always have to look it up.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 19:26, 5 replies)
is the code for the last level of the Nod disc on Command and Conquer for the Playstation 1. 0LX9SVTNM. I can recall that from 200 years ago but have no idea if whether or not I locked the front door or where my mobile is.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 19:13, Reply)
Yea Well
I know how to find all 4 cardinal points using the position of the sun.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 18:56, Reply)
Massive Drugs
Not that I smoke much anymore, but I still prefer and can expertly roll an old fashioned, proper 3 Skinner joint. None of your new fangled king size papers for me thank you very much.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 18:06, 8 replies)
Sensi sensei
The exact spot on the corner of the box to shoot from to guarantee a goal in Sensible Soccer.

That and shorthand...
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 18:05, Reply)
Old stuff I still know...


(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 17:45, Reply)
My mind is like a plastic bag..
so in no particular order: the shortcuts to the secret levels in Super Mario World, how it felt reciting a poem to Lenin with hundreds of other uniformed six year olds in Soviet Russia, the shortcut through the forest to a lake in Walldorf, my first cigarette 12 years ago with Aurelie, where grandma hid the bag of candy and how to climb up there, how i jumped off stage and my jeans split at the hidden place after singing 'The City Musicians of Bremen' in choir class, my first attempts at walking, the weird feeling watching the rape scene in Rob Roy with friends, how to set up the bleeper to sound card emulator in Win 3.1, travelling 2 days for 25 Mark, boozing and smoking on the floor of east german cattle waggons, imitating ALF to scare my sister, trying to reed greek Donalds we got (because it's cyrillic too, innit..), my first buzz after slurping the contents of a box of brandy candy, lying under our prefab high rise and watching it fall on me from the movement of the skies.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 17:22, Reply)
0898 27 27 27, ooohhhhhh!
Don't be bored, just call friends!
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 17:05, Reply)
0800 11 11
Just in case my dad's abusing me and I need Child Line.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 16:20, Reply)
Need I say more?
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 16:14, 7 replies)
Dial-up PTSD
I used to do intarweb dial-up tech support. I can still hear a modem connection and tell from it precisely what's wrong with your phone line. After I stop curling up under the desk and sobbing uncontrollably. INCOMING!!!
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 16:07, 1 reply)
Crescent wank
I can still remember my first proper wank. I was about 10 years old and I'd found a photography magazine of my dads with a picture of a naked lady in it. Whilst closely studying this picture, my John Thomas started doing ‘that thing’ again, and I discovered that rubbing it felt rather nice. After a few minutes of this, it suddenly started feeling very nice indeed, so nice in fact, that I did a little wee. And so began a life long passion of rubbing my John Thomas whilst looking at naked ladies. You should try it sometime.

Fast forward 30 odd years and I’m on holiday in Cornwall with my girlfriend and her parents. We’ve rented a beach house for 2 weeks, well it’s more of a chalet really. It’s small, comfortable and pleasant enough, just like the girlfriend really. A good time is had by all, until towards the end of the first week when I come down with some hideous stomach bug, which causes me to spend 2 days sat on the toilet clutching a bucket. Not wishing to spoil the holiday for everyone else, I insist that they go out for their day trips and leave me alone in the house feeling sorry for myself.

By the morning of the third day of this, I’m starting to feel a little better. I had managed to sleep though the night without needing to rush off to the bathroom, and Id even managed a little breakfast. However, I still felt as weak as a gay kitten, so I opted to go back to bed while the others went out for the day again.

A few hours later, I woke up again, and this time I was feeling much better. I now had 5 or 6 hours to kill on my own before the family got back. It was a beautiful day, with a good strong breeze, so an afternoon of kite flying on the beach seemed like an ideal way to spend the day. But first, I think I’ll knock one out.

I tried a memory wank, but just couldn’t concentrate. Going to need some visual stimulation. There’s no internet access in the chalet, so I’m going to need to improvise. I could go down to the beach, which is bound to be thronging with bikini clad girlies, and maybe even some topless ones, but public masturbation tends to be frowned upon, so I rule that idea out. I briefly consider buying a magazine from the newsagents, but quickly rule that option out too, as I would need to hide it somewhere in the chalet, where it could be found by my girlfriend, or, worse still, her mother. There’s an internet cafe in town......oh yeah.......the public masturbation thing. Best not.

And then I spot it. On the breakfast table is a copy of The Sun, courtesy of the girlfriend’s father. I open it up to page 3, and Katy from Wolverhampton stands there smiling at me. I haven’t bashed one off to a page 3 girl since my early teens, but it could work. I go to the recycling box and pull out the papers from earlier in the week, and pretty soon a grand total of 6 page 3 stunners are accompanying me into the bedroom.

I kneel on the floor, and the girls arrange themselves into a crescent around me. Each girl takes their turn and after a truly herculean effort of fwappage, I finally manage to crash my yoghurt truck over Zoe from Bristol’s ample assets. She looks pleased.

Satisfied, the girls return from whence they came, and I bugger off to the beach.

So there you have it. In an age where muff diving, cum swapping, dildoing lesbians and anal creampies are but a few clicks away, I can still remember how to rub one off to a tabloid newspaper picture of a girl with her tits out.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 14:54, 10 replies)
I don't want to talk to you no more,
you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 13:58, 2 replies)
That Lauren Laverne was once in Kenickie
I was recently gobsmacked by the recent discovery that a slightly younger friend had no clue that "that blonde bint off the telly" was once in a fairly popular band.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 13:30, 5 replies)
Civilisations 2
I am the most skillful player of civ 2 ever. yes i mean the one that came out in 1995, bearing in mind that i was born in 1989. I know off by heart the order in which to research certain technologys how to handle the (supprisingly good for 1995) AI.

I am especially adept at playing the WWII campaign and can now defeat Hitler in about a year by nuking Berlin.

I still play this game now despite the fact it is actually older than most expensive whiskys.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 13:15, 4 replies)
I know how to seduce a lady*
with a simple walk in the park, cook a microwaveable dinner for two, walk in the park again and feed stale bread to the ducks. I know how to rent a girly flick and share a cup of tea as we chat into the early hours about love, hopes and dreams.

*wishes I was living in Eastern Europe.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 12:13, 2 replies)
I know how to wind up a watch
When my children realised that I was winding my watch they asked if the battery had run out.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 12:01, 1 reply)
Curing conkers
I live in Australia. I've always lived in Australia. Nobody here ever plays conkers. Or ever has. And yet I know how to make the fuckers harder than coffin nails, because according to the English comics I read as a kid, it was important. The only time this ever comes in handy is talking with Poms in pubs...
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)
Rubiks cube
Seriously, why did I ever bother learning how?
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)
Not exactly obsolete but...

The other day in a fit of nostalgia I put on Manic Street Preachers' Holy Bible album, which I listened to *ahem* religiously as a teenager, but haven't played in years. I started singing along. Still remembered every word to every song.
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 10:28, 7 replies)
Fixing cars...
... because there aren't any garages that will touch those "funny old Citroëns with the air suspension, too dangerous mate".

On my 1988 Citroën CX I can:
Change the suspension spheres (fronts take ten minutes, backs are a faff and involve taking the wheel off) - that's the equivalent of the springs and shock absorbers on a "normal" car.
Change the accumulator spheres - they are the "battery" for the hydraulic system
Change the oil, and oil filter
Change the hydraulic oil and clean the filters (even the little one down on the steering controller)
Clean and gap the spark plugs, and set the ignition timing
Clean and set the carburettor
Change the timing belt (looks like it's impossible to get at, until you realise you take the driver's side front wheel off and do it through the wheelarch - takes an hour).
Change the brake discs and pads
Change the suspension balljoints

On my 2008 Mercedes Vito I can:
Fill the screenwash
Phone Western Commercial to book an appointment for everything else
(, Sat 2 Jul 2011, 9:45, 1 reply)

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