katz
Is there a humane method of deterring cats from my garden without

a: causing them undue stress
b: buying my own cat
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 14:41, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hm
I went for a walk last night at about 2am - I couldn't sleep.

Upon leaving my house and walking to the corner I was confronted by a 55 year old man standing in his garden dressed in a waist length mackintosh, a pair of black leather shoes and a pair of lightly striped blue y-fronts. He was holding a hacksaw and a branch. He nodded hello to me.

Anyone else been confronted with inappropriately dressed neighbours recently? Or do I just live in an area full of weirdos?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:34, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I think this is a damn good idea.
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8104062.stm

Crotchfruit owners should also be banned from smoking in their own gaffe. Discuss.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:17, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Garden
the other day, I was up a ladder in the garden clipping the outside of the hedge (those fast growing Leylandii trees) and consequently, a large amount of clippings were building up on the pavement.

The miserable cunt that lives in the house behind us came out, pretended to do something in his garden, then leant over his fence and called over.

"are you going to sweep them up when you're done?"
I get down from the ladder, ankle deep in hedge clippings and reply "No, I'm going to pile them against your gate. What do you think, you dozy get?" He went back inside huffing and puffing and muttering.

Can anyone think of anything else I can do to piss him off? Nothing illegal, nothing that's going to annoy any other neighbours (who are all sound people), just him.

He's not some old guy who's grown bitter with age, he's just some fat retarded miserable cunt. With a ugly fat son who used to throw eggs at our house until I caught him in the act.

Did I mention he's a miserable cunt?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 13:02, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If music be the food of love
What gives you the munchy horn?

Edit: Reminisce if you wish.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:50, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How many topics will SLVA post today?
My money is on 462
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:41, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

if only there was a way,
to cunt my immune system in the fuck. got all the way through sodding exams and have now got some nasty bug type thing.

Suggestions please on how to cunt immunities in the fuck?
Either that or who is the scariest person you know and why?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:12, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cash
If you didn't tell anyone (except maybe a partner providing they'll keep quiet about it too), how much do you reckon you could win on the lottery without any visible signs that there is an unusually large amount of cash in the bank?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 12:11, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Question
Any of you have an idea as to how much the legal side of a divorce costs?

I’m embarking on the process (we haven’t been separated for more than a year) and we’ve divvied everything up so there is no goods/money/property to sort out (she’s got pretty much everything, I walked away (in the end) with a lump sum – not perfect but it was a small price to pay to get my dignity/self-respect back) – all we need to do is to make everything ‘official’

I’ve spoke to a couple of solicitors and they are (in my mind) making the process more complicated than I think it needs to be by suggesting that I’ve either been short-changed from the deal and I ought to go to the family court with proper representation and challenge for a more equitably division of chattels, or they suggest that my ex needs to appoint a family solicitor who they will deal with.

What I don’t understand, is why there is a need for 2 solicitors when we’ve already agreed everything and we just want to make formal the fact we’ve got our separate ways and we are both satisfied with the arrangement.

Or – is it possible to do this online without involving the legal vultures?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 11:26, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stupid fucking telcos
One for the techies, or IS managers who have to deal with Telcos on a regular basis. Details in reply
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 11:02, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So...
No. 31 posted about his tattoo design earlier.
T'was pretty cool.

At the other end of the scale, this made me laugh:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/8104519.stm

I wish there was more explanation, as I don't have sound on my computer.
( Cawl, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:56, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ear Worms
Because of Land of Green Ginger's thread below, I can't get the song "Ships in the Night" by Be Bop Deluxe out of my head.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:49, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fidgeting and fiddling with stuff.
I'm one of those people who will pick stuff up and fiddle with it, get bored and put it down again. Pick it up again and fiddle some more.

A while back, I was sitting at the computer (as I am wont to do) and on the desk there was this very thin (1.5mm) drill bit that someone had found on the floor and had left it on next to the keyboard so that I'd go put it away in the shed.

However, I would twizzle the drill bit between by fingers between typing and then I began twizzling the point on my nail. I made a small indenation remarkably easy. So I did another, and another and by the time Mrs SLVA came over to see what I was doing, my thumbnail and three of my fingernails looked like a golfball.

I can't word a question to which this would be an answer to, but you get the idea of what I would be asking. So, what about you?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:29, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning you sexy geeks.
I need some techy help pleeeease.

I have an Acer Aspire 3630 laptop, and I was wondering the simplest way to connect it to a television. I don't think it has a TV card, but it does have a socket for another monitor. Is there not just a simple cable that could connect the two?

Cheers
(TheColonel, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:25, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking fucksocks
Didn't get an interview for the job I really really wanted. So that sucks ass.

Anything to cheer me up welcome
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:12, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Football fixtures are out.
We start with a home game against Newcastle. Good times!

How about you guys?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:09, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tea
I was making a cup of tea, but I left the teabag to fester in the cup too long and it's ruined.

What stewed-leaf beverage have you neglected by being distracted by B3ta?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 10:09, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ships that pass in the night
What celebrities have b3tans encountered? Not ones you’ve paid to see on a stage, just the ones you’ve passed in the street. Have you ever spoken to them?

My list in the replies.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:56, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guilty Pleasures
Were all too cool for school on here, but I know we all have guilty pleasures, something that would crush your carefully-constructed air of cool if anyone else knew what it was. Mine's in the reples, what's yours?
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:56, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FREEDOM!!!!
Exams are finally over, and after somewhat embarassing myself by being utterly bladdered by 3.00 pm yesterday (I blame the medication and International Drinking Rules) I can now enjoy the summer! Well, once I've packed everything away for going home anyway!

Any of you lot got any holiday plans?
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:42, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Techy help needed!
Details in replies (in a minute, gimme a mo to write it...)

EDIT - Btans rock! 4 answers in about a minute - Stay classy, Btans (points at everyone and clicks tongue)
(Apathyman Prepare to be underwhelmed..., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:15, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dream
I dreamt I was in a carpark behind some shops, and for some reason, there was a fishing pond there too. Someone then said to me "He's round the front, he's not happy".
So I went around to the front of the shops and there was Stephen Fry feeling sorry for himself, parked up on the pavement in a battered white Lada Niva. I try to console him by pointing out to him that "there are two Vauxhall Firenzas parked over there look, my brother had one, it was as fast as fuck". (It wasn't, it was a rattly deathtrap that he painted with blackboard paint).

Then the dream went elsewhere, but I can't remember that bit.

What did you dream last night?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:12, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm bloody fed up with Supermarkets.
Tesco used to stock a lovely chickpea pate which I would regularly purchase and then they suddenly stopped stocking it. Found out today that Asda has stopped stocking my favorite high fibre loaf that I get for my sarnies at work. I know for a fact that it used to sell well because they kept running out and the bakery manager told me they would be getting more in. Bastards!

And don't get me started on when they move everything round so we'll buy more. NO! I just take longer to find the stuff I regularly buy.

Plonkers!
( girlinthehole, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 9:06, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Seeing that Princess Beckyletters is out for the day
I thought I'd be a naughty little boy and start one of these.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 8:55, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Some may remember....
I am scheduled for a wrist rebuild sometime this year. Well, I've just had confirmation. The op will be on 8th August. That is the saturday my 3 weeks holiday end. So. 3 weeks holiday followed by a substantial time on sick leave (full pay). Hope we have a summer so I can have one brown and one white arm (I'll be in a cast for 10 weeks). So YAY (I think).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Jun 2009, 8:44, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm treating myself to a tattoo
to reward myself for big improvements in my mental health over the past year. I've been thinking about it for a few months and chucked the design together last night.

Here, posting from phone so pretty big (860k)

As my good friend whose advice I'd usually ask is on the other side of the planet, I thought I'd ask you lot... what do you think?

Edit: schoolboy error - I've got the order of Neptune and Uranus the wrong way round. Fucking glad I spotted that now!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 8:37, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this a hint?
New job, chatting with the hot marketing girl in the kitchen.

Told her that this time next year, I may go back to the UK because it's time to go back, or (more likely) my visa situation won't be sorted. If that's the case I said, I may just have to get married...

To which she replied "well if i'm still single in a year, I'll marry you". I only started here last Tuesday.

We've had a bit of banter already, and she's hot. So, wise b3tans...should I go for it? As in, does that seem like a hint to you?
(Zutroy started without you, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 7:44, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lots of us play computer games here
Which moments do you remember most fondly?

Mine:

Saddest: Aeris's Death, Final Fantasy VII

Funniest Glitch: Half Life (the first one) right after starting the reactor at the beginning of the game. As Gordon escapes the collapsing chamber, there's a scripted 'shock moment' with an elevator containing a scientist that plummets to the ground. I was standing so close to the shaft that as he dropped to his doom screaming, the game triggered another script which made him say "Oh, hello there Gordon" on the way down. Most amusing.

Best ending: Deus Ex, all three endings were great. It's the only game I've played all the way through more than once.

Go on... tell me.
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 5:24, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)