It's Wednesday's thread
Enjoy.


( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 8:35, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

morning sports fans
what's up today?

I have nothing eventful planned. as days go, today is going to be right up there with the most mundane of days. still probably more interesting than HSH ;-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 15 Jul 2009, 8:33, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ESPESHULLY FOR KAOL
our very own Captain V vs A Shorter Person - live on Jerry Springer!


www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRnIXnBcAAo

Hee hee hee :)
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 22:59, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've found exactly the right opening bit of prose for the musical project I am working on
joy!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 21:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tuesday night random question...
I was visiting my friend in Edinburgh for a while recently, and firstly would like to point out the utter bedlam in the city at the moment. It seems every single street is being turned inside out for this tram system. Pure madness!

But my main point of distress was that, being a petrol-head, he takes great pride in his Mark 3 Golf. I know nothing about cars, but it does seem like quite a nice wee number.

So we were cruising around, and popped into McDonalds - I begged him because I hadn't been in about 4 years! So he goes to park his car, I'm slightly concerned to see him parking over 2 parking slots. Half in one and half in the other. So I joked, you better watch out you don't get your car keyed for that - turns out his car has already been keyed!

It also turns out that he parks in this fashion anywhere. Tesco, Asda, Parking blocks, anywhere with parking divisions.

Is this a) reasonable behaviour, b) cuntish behaviour, or c) 'meh' behaviour. Because I'm kinda thinking option *a* here....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 21:34, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

alright, answer me this
who likes the Cure? and which is your favourite album?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 21:10, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tuesday evening rolls around again:


I have baked ACTUAL CAKE today too...
( Maladicta, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 20:06, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening cunts :)
I've had a lovely day watching a 3 1/2 hour fractured humerus repair and then cleaning up the ensuing mess in theatre. TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME. Soon I'm off to Kendo to play with wooden sticks again. AGAIN TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME!11!!!

What have you done with your day today?

Or

Do you hate me because my line

breaks?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 19:28, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sorry Kaol


Seen any odd signs lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 18:54, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been on my profile to find something
And noticed that my stats show I liked 666 qotw answers. Should I be worried by that?

Also, have a link I put on the /links board at the weekend. I would love to see the whole film for sheer bat-shit mental value.

io9.com/5311330/watch-out-when-batman-offers-to-feed-you-his-bat+milk
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:47, Reply)

Advice please - just had a text from someone I've just started seeing.......
"it's just a prolonged panic attack that has kind of become a habit and if i stop worrying about it it will stop. My lungs and heart are fine. phew"

She's just sent a text saying it wasn't meant for me but I'm thinking run away, run away.....

What should I do???
(penrose your dog's got tits, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:22, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lovely people of OT
What is the worst book you have ever read?

I have two, The Tenderness of Wolves by Stef Penney and Maiden's Grave by Jeffery Deaver
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:08, 29 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I haz broakin kitteh
ok b3tards looking for some advice...i recently purchased 2 maine coon kittens from a 'reputable breeder' and paid a lot of money in the process.

on getting in the car we hear that one of the kittehs is snuffly, dont think too much of it, we drive home.

to cut a long story short, the cat has a congenital nasal polyp that the insurance will not cover as it was a 'underlying condition'.

to get to this point we have had to pay out a reasonable amount of money to the bloodsucking vet and their stupid fucking dithering, i mean, how complicated can a cat be?

so, should i:

approach the breeder, who knows all about this situation, but has made no offer of compensation or taken on any responsibilty for the broakin kitteh she sold us, and tell her to sort the cat out or meet the bills that i incur in getting it sorted.

get my money back and risk the wrath of my daughter

cunt her in the fuck and piss through her letterbox


any help is appreciated
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 17:01, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Topical.
This is quite old, and I have no idea if it becomes much less entertaining with the sound on, but I thought you'd all enjoy a little video in which Catface is taken home by an old lady.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 16:02, 54 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Question for you all
Who would win in a fight -

Dumbledore
or
Gandalf?

I've just been asked this, and I'm not sure. Gandalf is a dab hand with a sword, but Dumbledore is double hard with his mad magic skills!

ARGH!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:56, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am drinking tea out of my favourite mug
It has shit pictures of cats on it and is affectionately known as "The shit cat mug".

What is your favourite mug and why?

Minus points for YM, YD, HA, TGBMV, ATGMA
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:49, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

GNAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I've spent the last 4 days trying to work out why my code isn't working. It just suddenly stopped instantly. FOUR DAYS I've spent on this, I've recreated it from the ground up, and it worked, just not where I wanted it to.

It was such a stupid mistake that I've just found. My code automaticly added ", United Kingdom" to an address. In the saved addresses, it ended with ", UK", so the final result was "[address], uk, united kingdom".... and that is why it was failing.

I've spent FOUR DAYS on this, for pete's sake.

Ohh well, onwards and upwards.

/end rant.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:48, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quick question folks
If you had to choose between either the TGBs gigantic minge meme or the althegeordie has a big bottom meme, which would you choose?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:40, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just forgot the name of someone I've worked with for 3 years
Not a momentary pause as I scrambled to retrieve it, but unable to retrieve at all. I sat there thinking, Jenny? Jill? Julie? Nothing. Couldn't remember her surname either. Fortunately I was starting a conversation and her name was going to be the first word of the sentence I was attempting to utter, so I just sat there with my mouth open for a moment or two without attracting attention.

I had to type our group email into Outlook and list all the members before I could go "Oh yes, Junky" (not her real name).

Serious neurological deficit. Am I going to die?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:39, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm toying with the idea of restraining my beard into 3 points
possibly using beads in a piratey sort of way.

begin slagging this idea off NOW!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 15:08, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Time for a hypothetical question.
I'm not going to use this information for evil, I promise.

The Perfect Murder
You've got to kill someone. They've wronged you, or scratched your car or something.
What weapon will you use?
How will you dispose of the body?
What will your alibi be?

Bonus points for imagination. Zero points for "Honda Accord".
I'll make a badge for the winner.
( Cawl, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 14:20, 81 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wouldn't it be great if you were on your way to Los Angeles from Australia
but you couldn't get a direct flight and instead had to get a boat to Honolulu and then fly and Neil Diamond was on the same trip as you and when you asked him where he was going he could say "On the boat and on the plane, I'm coming to America!"

It'd be great that.




Yeah.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 13:35, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm reading my first Pratchet book at the moment (Mort). It's the first book of it's kind that I've read, but I'm quite enjoying it.
It's come up with some rather cool things, like "Why does the sun come out in the day? It would be more usefull if it came out at night, when it's dark."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 13:26, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tighter than a ducks butt

As big as a whale

Hotter than the surface of the sun

People love measurement based similies/metaphors, but I think that the "Hotter" one should be changed to "hotter than the steam let off by a microwave meal" as this just burnt a hole through my hand. I look like a sweaty chino wearing jesus.

What size based similies/metaphors would you introduce?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:59, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We have a new Edmund in our midst and his name is Kaol
He has just been gazzing me about his penis. Apparently it is "[h]igh-quality, obviously, but small. I just keep telling myself that."

What has disappointed you size and/or quality lately?
( Captain V, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:48, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

having got sick of sandwiches and soup
today I have conducted an experiment

apparatus:
nest of dried wholewheat noodles
sachet of miso soup
boiling water
chopped spring onion
red pepper
celery
shredded roast chicken
sweet chilli sauce

method:
combine the above in a bowl
stir/steam/microwave till noodles are appropriate consistency
devour

like a fancy pot noodle really.

it's worked a treat, I highly recommend it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:23, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Middle names and bank accounts
Question!

I am known by a shortened version of my middle name (e.g. 'Ho' rather than 'Crack House'). I received a cheque made out to that name. The bank - Nationwide - is being difficult and saying that I can only deposit cheques made out to my full name (Dr Crack House Ceilidhband) as it matches the name on the bank account. I am not even allowed to use 'H. Ceilidhband'. I see their logic, yet when I asked if I could have it noted that I was known by my middle name, their serious suggestion was that I change my name by dead poll. I think changing my bank would be more constructive.

Is anyone here known by their middle name rather than their first name? Do you ever have this issue? Is there a bank that can cope with such crazy life-altering madness?
Alternatively, if you had to spend 100 quid on someone else, what would you buy for them?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:20, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bit of an about-face
www.met.police.uk/about/photography.htm

Edit: Ooops that was not the link I was looking for.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 14 Jul 2009, 12:15, Reply)

So,
You've had your crimes discovered and you're to be banished to a desert island for the rest of your life.
No human contact, but enough food and water to survive.

The Supreme Judge has, however, allowed you to take three things with you.
What do you pick?

THINGS, not people. And he's obviously not gonna let you have a boat or a helicopter.
( Cawl, Tue 14 Jul 2009, 10:44, 161 replies, latest was 16 years ago)