God, I'm literally weeping at work
after posting this
www.b3ta.com/questions/helicopterparents/post520793

It's like I was there all over again.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 14:47, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

RSS Ticker
Hi,

Anyone use a free RSS ticker that works on multiple screens and doesn't have default channels and mind sharing the name of it?

Or.....

What is your guilty food?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 14:26, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

!?!??!
news.uk.msn.com/odd-news/article.aspx?cp-documentid=149706240

Not sure whether to go with Awwww, Ewwwww or Whooooa.
(Tiny Blindfolded Horse Kitten sound car horns would end road rage, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 14:12, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Here I am
The Lord of Lamb
(Lord Of Lamb, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 13:54, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello Wobblers! Internet favourite JMG here.
As this is now QOTW's highlight for the month. Who'd like to put forward some plans you have in mind for QOTW?
This is a big chance to be noticed by loads of other like minded loners. As I, JMG am posting. It's VERY serious internet.

Thank you for your continued fan worship.

Yours,
B3ta's leader, JMG.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 13:17, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm Baaaaaaack
Long time no see.

I was abducted by alien. They took me to their home planet where they treated me like a king, ad gave me all the cake ad pie that I wanted. Now I back though and a bit sad.

So what have I missed in my absence?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:13, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

2nd Monkeysex post
Via the glorious medium of FaceBook, I have just hunted down the girl I lost my virginity to some 11 years ago, and she still looks hotter than a hot thing tied to a nuclear generator.

Now, do I send her a message telling her that I clung onto my dirty bedsheets for several years after she went back to her boyfriend, or do I let bygones be bygones and leave the poor woman alone?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 12:03, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today my best friend text me to say that she had accidentally ran over, and killed, her favourite pet duck
So far I've replied with 'If you're having trouble grieving, maybe you should hold a q-wake. Mind you, I wouldn't want to see the funeral bill' and 'I'm sure the poor little fella will have gotten into duck heaven, then again, it depends how much he hoi sinned'.

Are there any more duck-death related puns or spoonerisms I could send her to get her through her hour of need?

EDIT Dead duck trumps Swayze or Floyd any day
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 10:42, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can anyone interpret dreams?
I dreamt I was waiting in a queue with Mrs SLVA and on the other side of her was Morwenna Banks. WHenever MB wasn't looking, I'd ruffle her hair in a manner that really pissed her off. Everytime she turned around to say something, I'd point to the front of the queue where Christopher Lee (as Scaramanga) was ranting that his poll (not council) tax benefit wouldn't pay for his speedboat on the prow of which he was trying to make his argument from and it was moored to the counter.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 9:04, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sympathy etc for Swayze fans
but Keith Floyd dying today has truely made me sad, especially after laughing my arse off during his interview with Keith Allen on Channel 4 last night. Well worth a watch, that.

Which TV chef made an impact on your life?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 8:50, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooops!
So my boss and I got into a major fight today, he todl me where the door is, so I walked through it!
At least I get to fish!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 15 Sep 2009, 4:39, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Patrick Swayze is dead.
How will you celebrate/mourn?
( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Tue 15 Sep 2009, 1:23, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Loneliness
Evening fellow B3tans.

All ive known for the past year ended on Sunday when my partner moved away to London for Uni. My life of working and seeing her every other day (or the option to see her whenever) has changed to me sitting in my room, alone, all a bit lost.

Those who have gone through this kind of thing before, what did/do you do to cheer yourself up as such?
(PassTheKhat, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 20:42, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Hot Water

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 19:16, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Has anybody read anything by David Gilmour (the Canadian bloke, not the Floyd bloke)?
I just read How Boys See Girls and it was fantastic.

I also recently read The Road by Cormac McCarthy, it won the 2007 Pulitzer. It was good.


Alternatively have you ever wanked over the sound of your parents having sex?
(TheColonel, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 16:49, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Guess the embarrassing secret
At the moment I'm supposed to be working but I've recently developed an addiction to a game that I've been playing almost constantly. This in itself is no big deal - plenty of people get hung up on games...

Guess which one it is or else give us some idea of your embarrassing secret and let us guess the rest.

*EDIT* I'll be back in five minutes or so...once I've played the game a bit more.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 15:47, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pressing issue of the day:
At what age does smoking a pipe stop looking ridiculous?

Obviously, a 20-year-old pipe smoker looks silly. An 80-year-old, not so. But what's the transitional age?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 15:03, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Word up bitches
I've been in a field for a week, I know you have all missed me terribly.

Anything exciting been happening in B3taland? I doubt it as only the boringass cunts still seem to be here (looking mainly at Al there)

Alternatively tell me something that will give you an exclusion from the boringass cunt pigeonhole.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 13:40, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I keep my bike parked in the office.
It's been leaning against the wall for over an hour now.

A minute ago, the rear tyre spontaneously deflated - I could hear the sound the seat made as it slowly shifted its position agaisnt the wall. It took about 10 seconds to go from firm to flaccid. (Thankfully, I keep a spare tube and pump in a drawer.)

Can anyone tell my why this happened after 80 minutes of being perfectly happy?

Alternatively: is it an omen, what should I fear, and what do you fear for the week ahead?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 10:25, 76 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gud moaning.
Who already has the Monday morning blues?

Vent your displeasure at having to earn a living here.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 10:22, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tomorrow's World
Some classics here.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/8253236.stm

About two and a half minutes in, there's a 'home computer terminal' which gives a bloke his stock market quotes. FFS, imagine that thing rattling away by the side of your bed every morning. I think it would be rapidly destroyed by most folk!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 8:41, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

It's not perfect, but I like it
www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzMCGBPl168

fucks off back to links
/ac
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 22:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

a friend of mine is studying the effects of incarceration
in a us max security prison

he is searching for a website that tells the story of a man doing life and his advice on how to survive. i think he was previously a member of some white supremacist gang. there is a memorable passage where he advises that if you are sexually assaulted you must kill your attacker at the first possible opportunity.

cant find the website - anyone help
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 19:06, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

WOOOooOOOooOOOoOOOooOoOOOOoo HELL WEEK IS OVER AT LAST
Just portfolio write ups, 1 assignment and regular work to do this week along with fun things in the evenings. No exams, no visits from assessors and I'm not working next weekend. Life is (comparatively) good :)

What fun and exciting things do you have planned for next week O internet?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 18:35, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 17:25, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY !
The chippy next door me is looking for some part-time staff, I'm going to go there tomorow and go for it.

I'ld love to work in a chippy next door me. It's not _that_ busy, so I can piss about on my laptop most of the time, probably, I could even pick up my wifi from there.

PLUS, I can experment with deep frying things, like chocolate bars. I've already thought up a way of deep frying red bull (soak a doughnut, sans spider, and fry that).

I'm really looking foward to that now.

Part time jobs FTW.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 14:29, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any scientists out there?
I've just bought a bag of Walkers Red Curry crisps; the packet says they're "made with real ingredients". Can anyone make sense of this? What's the alternative?

Suggestions, please...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 11:35, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh what a beautiful morning!

( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 13 Sep 2009, 8:12, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)