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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Gorgeous women boo-hooing about how all men are shit need not apply.

2011 - new leaf, same old shit, end of the world....? Whaddyreckon?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:07, 327 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
new leaf for me
finish my qualifications, acquire new job, start seriously researching the possibilities of emigration
(I helped save b3ta! DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:10, Reply)
Chances of actually doing any/all of these?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:11, Reply)
pretty good
most of the way through my CCNA alredy, just need to pay for the exam. This should aid in the jobhunt stakes, and I only want to move to northern spain, so that shouldn't be a massive trauma either
(I helped save b3ta! DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:13, Reply)
I wish you the very best of luck in your endeavours.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:17, Reply)
Why thankyou
no new leaf for you then?
(I helped save b3ta! DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:18, Reply)
I could do with one.
My old leaf has seen better days....

I smoked my old one.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
I've seen the adverts
bit of moisturiser and that leaf will be all flexible again.
(I helped save b3ta! DarkSon a time and date will follow this username on, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)
Monty, what do you reckon of this Social Networking marketing?


From this guy: www.djemir.com/
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:28, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:34, Reply)
I'm pretty sure it'll be similar,
I have a feeling I'll change jobs though, jump or pushed who knows.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:12, Reply)
as i'm not the former
can i still boo-hoo about the latter? mind you, my colleague is off today, because she found out after 7 years of marriage that her husband is gay, by finding messages on his phone. now THAT has got to suck.

2011 - work/gym can stay on the same upward trajectory, am pretty happy with my achievements there.

social life - new flatmate with a v cool job, so should be some good parties there. am seeing the facebook deleted friend for a "chat" (although there is nothing to chat about, in my mind, what she said about my mother was unforgivable) next week too, which should be Interesting.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:17, Reply)
You're not a woman, you're a man?
Well, bugger me.

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
you're better than this!
although at least it was spelled correctly this time...........................................................
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
I'm slipping.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)
i nearly said something so unbelievably crude here
[deletes]
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
say it!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
no, you'd be horrified
given how sweet and innocent you all think i am
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:40, Reply)
As far as your colleague in concerned
I think you find THAT is is the husband who has now got to suck.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)
2010 was a bit of a blinder as far as I'm concerned
so I'll be trying to continue in much the same vein, hopefully starting off by winning in Blackpool next weekend. Same job, less gameshow appearances (probably), more sequins.

On a more global scale, I predict that the government will make various too-good-to-be-true promises and break them and that moronic Americans will continue to give their President a hard time for no dsicernable reason.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:17, Reply)
you are Mystic Meg

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:19, Reply)
This govt are making no promises as all
bar promising to axe everything, aren't they? I do find politics hugely tiresome so I don't follow it closely, with this in mind I am happy to be told I am talking bollocks.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:19, Reply)
In this instance you are pretty much correct
but they are implicitly promising to make everything better long-term by rasing VAT and the like. Failure to deliver either a stable economy or, in lieu of the above, flying cars like Back to the Future promised us we'd have by 2015 constitutes a breach of this unspoken agreement.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Again stressing I do not endorse any of the blighters,
it seems likely their measures should reduce the deficit somewhat, shouldn't they?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)
Absolutely they should
Otherwise more people than just students would be up in arms about the cuts, the idea being that we let them butcher our wallets now, short-term, for greater long-term prosperity. So unless all the money saved has gone on flying cars, they'd better fucking well sort it, like.

This is a phenomenally potted and borderline-ignorant version of events, as if you couldn't tell. If you want to know the real intricacies, ask Amberl (Tory) or BelladonnaAnodyne (not so much)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
I saw a sticker on a truck last week that said
Oone
Big
Ass
Mistake
America

I wanted to hit them.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Because they'd spelt One as Oone?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Peter Oone, from Eerman's Eermits.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:25, Reply)
hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)
hurp durp

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)
You might know
Why do so many people in America have it in for Obama? Is it a Republican backlash? Are people really stupid enough to think he's a Muslim just because his middle name's Hussein? Are Americans so afraid of Socialism or anything vaguely resembling it as to just adopt a fingers-in-ears "NO! NO!" approach whenever they get a whiff of it? Or is he actually slightly more crap than we over here have been lead to believe?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
It's because he's a 'Donnie Darko'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
how the fuck am I supposed to tell you what other people think?

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:32, Reply)
as the only american here
you must now speak for your country

off you go...
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
As the only American available to speak at this time, I would just like to say that after drinking four bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale, it begins to taste like wet dog.
Thank you, and good night.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
I simply assumed that being American and living in America
you'd have a better idea of popular opinion in America than we do
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
new leaf
instead of talking about it, I'm going to be about it
lol yeah right
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:17, Reply)
I feel like I should punch the air and shout
"you go, girlfriend!" or something. Really doesn't work when you're a nerdy white english woman
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:20, Reply)
it doesn't work for anyone, really
*fives* are better
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)
yeah, expect I either do them too hard
and break peoples' hands, or miss.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)
You mong.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
i protest
*trips up own feet*
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
you can never high five too hard
if you break someones hand with a high five it just proves how fucking awesome you are
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)
You and Echo should go on a road trip.
Maybe rob some convenience stores and live life on the run.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
I couldn't put her in risk like that.
Do you know what they do to pups that misbehave these days?
I couldn't risk it.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:22, Reply)
They send them round Jeff's?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:26, Reply)
I've got a semi just thinking about this.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)
I've been kicked in the bollocks by 2010
So I'm going to take a new approach to 2011.

I'm going to actively seek new opportunities, new people and try and finish 2011 with a smile on my face.

Bring it on.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:21, Reply)
Neither the former nor the latter
so I will continue to complain. I'm aware there are a lot of nice men in the world, sadly I've never met one yet that was single and interested in me.
2011, hmm. Same old shit, I suspect. I'll almost certainly not get offered a PhD and will be living alone and miserable in the same tiny flat doing the same prospectless job.
(berk, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:23, Reply)
Stop looking for love.
It'll find you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:24, Reply)
you are a clinton's card
aicmfp
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Hmmp.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)

linton's card unt
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Strike!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
this should not have made me laugh
as much as it did
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
Don't encourage him.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
Your impatience will eventually come across as desperation.
Fucking stop it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:27, Reply)
Yes Monty
Sorry Monty.
(berk, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
So what about you Monty?
What are your new-year-hopes?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:28, Reply)
Drive the Hebrew menace from the face of the earth
and adopt a lemur at Whipsnade Zoo.

In that order.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
A lemur?
Really?
Bender.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:30, Reply)
All the aye-ayes have already gone.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
So?
Get an otter or a penguin or a sloth or something, lemurs are shit.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:33, Reply)
Fuck off are they.
You wouldn't say that to my face*




*unless you had access to a ladder.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
Or you were stood in a hole.
*digs pit, covers with leaves*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)
Really, he wants a meerkat, he likes the one of the telly, it makes him laugh.
It makes him laugh every time he sees it.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:34, Reply)
I stay in every night
endlessly chanting 'simples', because I find it so funny and not at all arse-clenchingly irritating.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
If you stopped watching the meerkat, you'd be able to give up the MDs.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)
My daughter told me "simples" had been added to, of all things, The Oxford English Dictionary.
I said "Like fuck has it!" and my mum confirmed it.
*goes off in a strop to try and prove it's an urban myth*
Edit: www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/oct/27/aleksandr-meerkat-collins-dictionary
The Collins, thank fuck. If it was the OED I'd think the universe was going to implode.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)
Ugh.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)
gorrillas are a real
man's animal
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:36, Reply)
Hebrew? Is that a male tea-bag?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:31, Reply)
If next year's not better than 2010 there'll be trouble.
If I don't manage to get my bone on in 2011 I shall have to have my penis 'retired'.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:29, Reply)
is that slang for
'have a sex change'?
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:35, Reply)
No, it's a euphemism for 'wank the blighter clean off'.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)
If his penis had sex that really would be a change.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:42, Reply)
Shit off.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Yes, wash the shit off.
It's a good place to start.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
I'm going to need a jetwash.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
Or...
ladybunny.net/blog/uploaded_images/Clag-gone-745254.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)
Pervert.

(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Same old shit.
Life is what you make of it and I have all the craft skills of a double amputee in a K-hole.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:37, Reply)
you can't crochet life
/old chinese proverb
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:38, Reply)
I may take up crochet.
Is it a good idea?
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)
crochet is awesome fun
Crochet is to knitting as unicycling is to bicycling. It's what the cool kids do
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
Give me a link to some decent, cheap hooks online and I'll order them.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)
hooks are really cheap
like a couple of quid from your local craft shop/market. even cheaper in charity shops.

Start with a 4mm or 4.5mm and get a ball of double knit to practise with
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)
Will keep my eyes peeled. There's a shop selling wool for a quid in Butterfly Walk
I'll pop in and see if they sell hooks, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)
step 2: get book out from library
or watch 'how to' videos on youtube.
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
3. ????
4. CROCHET!
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)
5 PROFIT!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)
That was meant to be the joke :(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)
sorry, i broke it

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)
For shame,

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)
Take up croquet.
That IS a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
take up crotches
even better
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
I quite want to.
CTB regaled me for about half an hour while we were drunk about how awesome it is.

He did go to Dulwich College, so he has an excuse.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)
It's the only game I endorse.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)
Teach me how to croquet
(teach me, teach me how to croquet etc etc)
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:50, Reply)
Phil Collins, wasn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
POTD

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)
get out of my hole, lampito

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
K-Hole is what one of my flatmates calls me
trufax.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
No, Lampers, they're saying 'A-hole'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)
:(

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)
I jest.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:01, Reply)
Yeah whatevs like.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:02, Reply)
continuation of last year. Finishing on a high so why not carry it on.

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:44, Reply)

on a
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:45, Reply)
Learning the traditional punctuation mark for a question would be good.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)
any excuse eh?
what about you then Grandpa? any plans for next year?
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)
He has to start looking for someone new to live as he'll have to give you his flat soon.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:50, Reply)
2013

(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Someone new to live?
Are you suggesting I have another child?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
No, you're a parasite.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)
No, Noel, I'm 'outtasight'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)
In 2011 I hope to attain a state of spiritual oneness
and free myself of all material wants and desires.


or buy a sportscar


Brum brum!
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)
B (oops) U y a sportscar in Birmingham?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:47, Reply)
I've been to Birmingham
true story
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)
I bet you liked it, too.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
I did. Nice people the brummies
of course they all sound as thick as a donkeys cock, but one can forgive them for that given their otherwise cheerful outlook on life.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)
One cannot forgive them for UB40, though.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:58, Reply)
Was he?
I didn't see him.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:48, Reply)
baby
you can drive my car
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:06, Reply)
Oh lord, wont ya buy me, a Mercedes Benz
ma friends all got Porsches, ah must make amends
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:10, Reply)
hang on
i'm the wife, i thought YOU were supposed to be buying stuff for ME?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
But I wanted to be a kept man
y'know, a scrounger
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
oh, i see
answer the following questions correctly and it's a done deal:

can you cook/clean/iron/do the garden?
do you look damn fine in a pinny doing all of the above?
if i ask you whether you really prefer blondes about 15 times a week will you lie to me convincingly?
can you talk bollocks about football to my dad/brothers?
will you put out three times a week or more and clear your schedule every other weekend for blow-job sunday?

if so, name your model, colour and preferred engine size, and expect delivery of your mercedes benz within 6-8 weeks.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
The football thing may be a problem
Although I really tried to get into it a few years ago. I went to matches and everything including 2 play-off finals (one in cardiff and one in wembly).

But it's just sooooooooo tedious.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:32, Reply)
on the plus side, that was the least important
unless you are just letting me down gently...

anyway, all that is required is the ability to fake enthusiasm convincingly and toss out a few authoritative phrases like "tevez will never be able to leave city" or "rooney is just not in the game today".
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:35, Reply)
Will they appreciate lines like
"If he were a rugby player, he'd just get up and carry on instead of rolling around like a nancy boy"?
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:37, Reply)
you can take these things too far
criticising the Beautiful Game can also lead to disinheritance
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:44, Reply)
I reckon I could do that
I just need to talk about a football team like I belong to it, e.g. "I really think WE can do it this season"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:40, Reply)
yes yes yes
see, you had me convinced.

although choice of football team can be an important factor here. go for manchester city or liverpool and we'll never get to spend our married life cruising around various holiday destinations because i'll have been disinherited.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:44, Reply)
In that case i'll support "Overpaid Benders United"
that's the team for me. Supported 'em all me life. "Gooooooo BENDERS!"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:49, Reply)
I am told that Fulham supporters
refer to themselves as 'The Cottagers'. This may have been a wind-up though.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)
With your love of killing yourself with illegal drugs
you could try supporting Charlton. They're the "addicts".
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Hahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)
well
the ground is called "craven cottage" you see.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)
And they're fucking benders.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)
this is not narrowing it down
not even a little bit. maybe we should go back to what you might look like doing the ironing in a "my wife went to the caribbean and all i got was this lousy AIDS" pinafore?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)
I want that pinny and I WANT IT NOW
*stamps foot*
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:58, Reply)
Getting a bit gay there, Drac
have you forgotten about the frequent sex clause?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)
Ah yes,
but check the small print. It could be 'frequent sex with a dance instructor called Carlos'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:00, Reply)
as a lawyer and a girl
i resent the implication that i would sneak in devious alternative meanings and small print
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:02, Reply)
I fully support the calling of footballists gay

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Dear God I hate that so much.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:47, Reply)
i used to tackle my brother about it
can't be arsed now. many years of being ignored will do that to a girl.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:50, Reply)
What do you hate about football so much Monty?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:50, Reply)
It's a sport for queers, by queers.

Queers.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:52, Reply)
Hmm.
You seem to be suggesting that I'm a queer 'cos I like football.

I'm sure you like some things that are bent as well.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Nope. Nothing.
And yes, yes I am. Sport is inherently pathetic:

'Look! I can run/jump/whatever really fast/high etc!!'

Well done. I stopped being impressed by that sort of thing when I was about 5. But football is the worst of a bad lot. Bunch of ghastly proles mincing about crying and cuddling each other: benders - nasty, common little benders, the lot of them.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:59, Reply)

"Bunch of ghastly proles mincing about crying and cuddling each other: benders - nasty, common little benders, the lot of them."

you have excelled yourself here.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:00, Reply)
Why, thank you.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)
Well, when you put it like that....
You'd have loved the Bristol City 'ability' team, it was made up of various adults with learning difficulties, they used to come out at half time and have a kick about with other people with leaning problems.

It was the most entertaining thing I've ever seen at Ashton Gate in 30 years of going.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)
That would have been entertaining, I concede.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:08, Reply)
It was, especially as two or three of them clearly had absolutely no idea
whatsoever as to what they were supposed to be doing.

It was a full on mong convention, only with goalposts and a ball.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:11, Reply)
aka 'a normal game of football'.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)
Oh no, this was special.
And not just special needs.

I believe there was a small chorus of 'You're just a team full of Deacons' at one point.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)
Only 'cos you're facing relegation this season.
I'm getting good at this talking shite about football malarky.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:51, Reply)
you are
you must REALLY want this mercedes-benz*

* mercedes benz is hypothetical and remains the property of rswipe llp at all times. terms and conditions apply.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:55, Reply)
Oh? Who's whinging now?
Men are shit, though. It's a fact. I am one and I dislike us. Mind you, I dislike women, children and animals. Except for cats. I like cats.

Really though, if you're having trouble finding a man/women/animal, either set your sights lower or purchase toys.

People in "wanting everything, getting nothing" lolz.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:46, Reply)
so, apparently like 15 of my acquaintences are going out, I've been asked to go, but as the only single straight girl that would be there I don't really want to
so, do I go with them, or start to take charge of my own destiny by going out alone?
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:49, Reply)
given this thread
you should totally change your destiny, grab the bill by it's horns, carve a new path and some other cliches
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
Bill has the horn?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
he's a duck-billed horny-pus

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:54, Reply)
Go out, but for your own safety take a gun
actually, take 2 just in case.
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:51, Reply)
I don't think I have enough time to get a permit.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
What do you need a talking frog for?

(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:53, Reply)
LEAVE THE INTERNET.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)
Probably for the best
i'll see if the CB radio community will accept me

"Breaker breaker rubber-ducky"
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:03, Reply)
'Smokey' is most likely 'on your tail'.*


*I'm implying you have sex with 'coloured fellas'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
you sound like my so-called friends and colleagues
they are convinced i have a dark ulterior motive for going to the caribbean.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:21, Reply)
Hah!
"dark"
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)

dark +ies ulterior
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
Look, i'll tell you what I told the last job applicant
No blacks and no Jews
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:22, Reply)
Oona King is fucked then.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:26, Reply)
i'd make an exception for Sammy Davis Junior
but it's worse than that he's dead, Jim
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:27, Reply)
Sir! Sir! Col. Drac's copying my work, sir!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
Don't tell tales
ya big grass
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:34, Reply)
So's Sammy Davis Jr.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:28, Reply)
I think we have exhausted our supply of celebrity Jewish negroes.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)
I'll order some more in.
Can't have too many, I feel.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:48, Reply)
Good man.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:08, Reply)
What number is like 15?
Go out with the group of friends, work out which couples won't last the distance and start working on how you can take advantage of the situation.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:52, Reply)
oh pfft
I've decided I'll go out to dinner, then out for a bit. If it's intolerable I will go elsewhere.
(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:57, Reply)
Good for you.
Make the decision that is right for you.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:59, Reply)
I'm changing plans as we speak!

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:09, Reply)
Well be sure to keep us posted!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:15, Reply)
That should be a resolution.

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:19, Reply)
I'm hoping 2011 contains more breasts than 2010

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:54, Reply)
World population is rising
so it's pretty certain.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:00, Reply)
I've only been allowed to see one pair for AGES
on the one hand, breasts on tap; on the other hand, same breasts.

WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL?
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:02, Reply)
Living by the beach in Marbella I see many many breasts
it's the getting to the motorboating stage without being arrested bit that's tricky
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:31, Reply)
There's always long lensed cameras
and furious wanking sessions, I suppose. Thank God for the advent of digital.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:35, Reply)
You arew Kirsty McColl AICMaaaghhhhhaghhhhhMY FACE, MY FACCCEEEEEE

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:48, Reply)
/horrificandfataloutboardmotoraccidentlols

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:58, Reply)
Best of all the lols.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)
I've had quite a few boobs in 2010
And lost my own set of moobs. 2011 has quite a bit of work to do to top it
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:10, Reply)
2011 will either be an enlightening change of direction, work wise.
Or, the same old routine.
(I helped save b3ta! Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 29 Dec 2010, 14:56, Reply)
All men are shit

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:08, Reply)
Aww some day you'll meet the right fella

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:12, Reply)
i like this

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:20, Reply)
Me too!

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:22, Reply)
2011 has got to be better for you than 2010 Max.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:14, Reply)
I'm sure it will be, things have already been quite positive this week ;)

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:15, Reply)
It's not 2011 yet
ALL DOWNHILL FROM HERE
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:18, Reply)
I don't think so
I have new-found confidence, things are looking up for my freelance work and I have some fucking amazing friends.
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:21, Reply)
And great advice from JTDF

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:24, Reply)
TOTALLY!

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:25, Reply)
I have good feelings for next year.
Regardless of if I find anyone.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:50, Reply)
Hello Blousie
How was the gym?

*Waves*
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)
Not good : (
I didn't do very well. For some reason my stamina varies greatly from one day to the next.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:54, Reply)
Happens to all of us now and again.
Try squeezing the end before you're spent and have another go in half an hour.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:03, Reply)
Pfft!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:08, Reply)
What else have you done today?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)
Went to town with the family to do some errands.
I've just dyed my hair and I shall be having a bath in a mo.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)
Blue-rinse?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Hahaha!
I hear redheads have all the fun nowadays.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
Hi BGB
Much peace and love in your life for 2011!

Che
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:52, Reply)
You too hon: )
And we must do lunch.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 15:53, Reply)

lunch Tuna surprise.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:15, Reply)
End of the world
I didn't think it was likely, but I have, just this minute stumbled past a headline to the effect that James "apparently being a fat gobby cunt is all it takes to make the drivelling ASDA-economy-vodka-soaked masses laugh like lobotomised donkeys" Corden is to get married. To a live human female.

This must surely signal the coming of the final battle for Mageddo?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:01, Reply)
Did he not bung one up Sheridan Smith at some point?
I think this gives hope to talentless fat fucks everywhere.
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:06, Reply)
Women like funny men.
Truefact!
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:08, Reply)
My dogs got no nose. How does it smell? Terrible!
Do we fuck now?
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:09, Reply)
OK
Did I mention I have breasts.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Nice one, have they got names?

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)
Yes!
Morecombe and Wise.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)
That explains the name of this film then
www.youtube.com/watch?v=X09_msnoMkY
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:24, Reply)
I remember watching that.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:27, Reply)
And charming
don't forget that.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)
Too much charm can be a bit off putting though.
Nigel Havers style.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)
I'm sure he's fucked his way through Surrey.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)
I'm currently in Surrey and Nigel Havers is hanging out the back of me as I type this

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)
this

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:11, Reply)
I can't believe I'm 36 and I've only just been told this.
No wonder I'm single.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)
Woman cannot live by cider and curry alone.
We need a giggle now and then.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:19, Reply)
*Makes notes*
Any more advice?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
Don't talk about football.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)
What else is there to talk about?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:24, Reply)
sex, probably

(I helped save b3ta! Lisette von Falcon, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:24, Reply)
Each other.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:25, Reply)
That won't work.
Girl: 'So, you like football then?'
Bloke: 'So, football, it doesn't float your boat. Fancy a cider?'
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:27, Reply)
*gives up*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:39, Reply)
She's funny looking
but not funny
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:08, Reply)
The thing that worries me about Sheridan Smith
Is the facial resemblance she bears to Iron Maiden's Dave Murray in his younger years.

EDIT: Evidence for the jury

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:10, Reply)
The thing that worries me about you
is that you know what Iron Maiden's Dave Murray looked like in his younger years.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:11, Reply)
Well, I am the most biblical-scale bender you know, surely?

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)
You really need to sort that out.
Try having sex with a woman. It might cure you.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)
It's the unlikelihood of finding a woman
with low-enough self-esteem that they'd agree to wearing a 'Freddie Mercury' mask during coitus, that makes your suggestion so difficult to arrange.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:15, Reply)
Ahem!
*takes a step forward*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Actually I was thinking Freddie might a little too dominant a personality
Think you could get a mask like the above?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)
Dave Murray?
Pfft! you can anything on the internet if you look hard enough.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)
As long as I'm 'hard enough' then hopefully it won't be an issue

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:27, Reply)
Well if I hum, 'Can I play with madness', while we get it on, that should help.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:30, Reply)
Crow calls his dick "Madness"?
Oh dear.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:32, Reply)
Haha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:33, Reply)
Actually, I call it 'Victory'
That way, I always know that 'Victory is mine!'
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:34, Reply)
Guess what's just happened?
My mum's in hospital. She's fallen over. AGAIN.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:37, Reply)
Oh dear. She alright?
Has she always been this clumsy?
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:38, Reply)
Possible broken little finger.
Thankfully this time on her right hand. No, she'd never broken a bone before the wrist- it's usually my dad who does stupid things like breaking his back and shattering his ankle in a foreign country with a 7-month pregnant wife.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:40, Reply)
Well, at least she's not gone and fallen off a mountain or something.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:47, Reply)
Down a mountain.
It was my dad who fell off a mountain.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:51, Reply)
They've got quite a good track record, haven't they?
I remember taking my old housemate to hospital. When I 'phoned his mother to tell her the news, her reaction wasn't one of concern, or panic. No, it was simply a resigned sigh of
"What's he done now?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:53, Reply)
It's my dad, and his rock-climbing pedigree
My sister ran into a fence and gouged her forehead open- all I've done is almost slit a tendon in the palm of my hand after falling over in a stream. Oh, and I hated life so much when I was born I refused to breathe.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:56, Reply)
Ah, yes, reportedly I managed that
Though I maintain it was the fault of our umbilical cord for suggesting 'it's cold out there, you'll want a scarf...'
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:59, Reply)
You were almost choked to death as a baby?
No wonder you love auto-erotic asphyxiation.

It wasn't like that for me- I literally refused to breathe on my own so they strapped me to an oxygen tank.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)
...and already I appear to have established a veritable wigwam

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:33, Reply)
*get's ready for a pow wow*

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:34, Reply)
Oh, you're in for a right old Wigwam-Bam...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:35, Reply)
Isn't that a song by Bay City Rollers?

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:38, Reply)
I thought it was The Sweet.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:38, Reply)
You are correct.
Now have sex with me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:39, Reply)
You're gonna make me your man?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:40, Reply)
Less 'man' than 'next ill-fated victim,' but yeah, more or less.

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:41, Reply)
You don't want me.
I'm not the droid you're looking for.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:42, Reply)
I'll leave you two alone then : (
*goes for a bath*
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:42, Reply)
I've declined Crow's kind offer.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:42, Reply)
I'm not being second best again.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:43, Reply)
When have you ever been second best?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:45, Reply)
Every bloody time mate.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:58, Reply)
well it isn't a race!

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 17:00, Reply)
He doesn't look very hard at all, though, does he?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:27, Reply)
Depends if you find Sheridan Smith intimidating, I guess...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:29, Reply)
let's be honest if he's after girls with low self esteem he's in the right place.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:17, Reply)
^this

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:19, Reply)
hi!

(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:22, Reply)
I really should try having sex with a woman.
I hear good things about it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:17, Reply)
Tiny cocks, I've heard.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)
i bet
nobody has ever said that to you!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
ffs have a cold shower
it's getting pathetic
(PsychoChomp, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:25, Reply)
Really? Well if I can walk normally the following morning, then even better!

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
His facial features are just TOO BIG

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:13, Reply)

SHERIDAN
(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)

CORnish
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:17, Reply)
she looks ill
well she seems a bit pasty
(It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday!It's my b3taday! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)
*Golf clap*

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)
She's not very nice looking
and an unfunny turd: perfect for Corden.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:09, Reply)
I bet you're one of these dullards who think that 2 pints of lager isn't the greatest tv programme ever

(I helped save b3ta! broadsword, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:19, Reply)
he was pretty funny in "the history boys"
i bloody love that play
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:12, Reply)
Same.
Makes me cry every time though.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:14, Reply)
i would totally do the teacher
HOT.

/not the dude from "withnail", clearly.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:16, Reply)
/wikis
My current crush is Cillian Murphy. Ho. My. God. HOT.

OH MY GOD THAT'S THE ACTOR I HAD A CRUSH ON WHEN I WAS ABOUT 13 WHAT THE FUCK also I have been reminded of Jamie Campbell Bower. Kinda shows my taste in men.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:18, Reply)
Unobtainable on account of them being show-bizzy famous people?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:19, Reply)
Ridiculously girly.
I just like looking at them.

This is Cillian Murphy.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
She's hot.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:26, Reply)
I no, rite.
Amazing eyes, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:31, Reply)
Oh, the guy from 28 days later
I thought you were talking about Ciaran Hinds, for some reason. Silly Irish names.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:30, Reply)
Also Scarecrow in the Batman reboots, and Fischer Jr. in Inception.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:32, Reply)
He is very pretty.
I would.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:35, Reply)
How are you, Noel?

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:37, Reply)
On the turn by the looks of it.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:38, Reply)
I've always been in the middle, my dear.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:40, Reply)
My brain can't really wrap my head around male bisexuals over 30.
No offence intended.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:43, Reply)
None taken, whippersnapper.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:45, Reply)
Fabulous darling!
How's yourself?
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:41, Reply)
A little worried about my mother
Tired, hot, stressed, fairly unhappy as my bleatings today might have indicated. But shouldn't really complain. Am wearing quite a nice dress.
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:42, Reply)
And might I say what a smashing dress it is?
etc. I've got my headphones on and mountains of Dubstep to get through. Deep, dirty and bassy, just how I like 'em. Hope your mum bounces.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:44, Reply)
Sounds like fun!
I hope so too. She's had quite a few accidents now...
(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:47, Reply)
Is this a veiled threat?
ARE YOU THREATENING TO PUSH LAMPERS' MOTHER DOWN THE STAIRS?

You utter bounder.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:49, Reply)
Alan Bennett always makes me cry, too.
He makes me cry 'why are you so popular, you weedy, bleating Northern turd?'
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:20, Reply)
Cheer up, Montstock.

(I helped save b3ta! Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
Mr Bennett, the caretaker from Take Hart was better.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:21, Reply)
He was fucking brilliant.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 16:28, Reply)
2010 has been fucking shit
2011 had better be a fucking improvement.
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 29 Dec 2010, 17:10, Reply)

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