Monday morning blues.
I haven't got them.

Apart from winding up the trolls, I haven't really done anything fun for a while.

What do you do for pure unadulterated fun each week?
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:32, 209 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Karaeoke on Thursdays is the best laugh I get
There are some fantastic singers, and several fucking awful singers. Always good fun!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:39, Reply)

I don't really
tennis is a giggle though, especially now I've swapped back in to the cute coach's class.
(berk, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:45, Reply)

I know what you mean.
Sometimes though, when I'm in a book shop, I read the "erotic" books just for a giggle, then leave.

and then 10 days later I come back to buy them.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Erotic fiction/films have never done anything other than make me giggle
I just can't read/watch them without bursting out laughing, which I'm not really sure is the point, you know?
How's uni, you settling in alright?
(berk, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:54, Reply)

ehhhh I'm wishing that it had been offered at the campus near my house.
would have made things a lot easier. I've met a really nice girl called Lana though, she's been absolutely lovely to me.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:02, Reply)

For fun; I wonder what would happen if we were next door neighbours.
I think it would be really good, we could meet by jK's Cafe every morning and have a cup of something hot and share a plate of toast with jam and butter. I think when you go on holiday, I could look after the dog, could go dog walking too. I'd give you a copy of the spare keys in case I get locked out the house. I think we would go pictures more often, maybe get one of those £15/month pass things, I really like their fizzy slush puppy things, better than a bag of sweets. Every few days you could come 'round and I'll cook some food, I like cooking for people, some of my meals will be awful experments, but they'll be a few winners in there. I'd probably get on your nerves by repeating the same thing every day, I dont mean to do it, I just can't think up new conversation, "Do you fancy watching all of House?" or "Let's make our way through the whole of Fringe". I'll probably take up drinking again, I don't really drink normally, I won't do it heaverly, I don't like getting drunk that much, but maybe I can start to enjoy it? I don't think I would ever like larger. It'll be good in the summer where at a silly hour we'd meet up in our dressinggowns and sit on the front porch having a fag, although I might quit smoking by then.

Basiclly, I let my brain wonder and see what happens.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I love you Gonz!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:57, Reply)

hehe!
We'd be the best neighbours eveh!
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:59, Reply)

HAHAHAHA
You'll never quit smoking
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Tickle the kids
Kid's laughs are infectious!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:58, Reply)

This is true.
My nephew has a lovely gigggly laugh.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 8:59, Reply)

I tried that and now I'm on the Sex Offenders Register
j/k they'll never find the bodies.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Just for fun?
I'm struggling to think of something small that I do just for the lolz. Maybe making stupid Paint pictures, or harassing/trolling colleagues and friends.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I watch Big Bang.
surely you watch that family guy stuff you made me watch?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Haha! "Made me watch" :p
I haven't watched anything in a while, been playing a lot of games in the evening, which I suppose fit the bill but I thought the question was more about the fun little things.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I like it when the university feral cats play hide and seek with the cars.
they're quite pretty little cats.
Can't get rid of them to the shelter though apparently, because they tried once, and got massive, MASSIVE rats. *shudder*
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Ye olde massyve drugges.
The only temporary release I get from the pressure I'm currently under, apart from sleep.

Last night I dreamt I was DJing as support act for Queen in an outdoor gig in the US in the early 80s, playing old skool hip hop to a huge crowd who loved it. Then I woke up and went to work :(
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:23, Reply)

So what you're saying is you dream about Freddie Mercury.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Stuck to the duvet, I was.
And I now have bum-AIDS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Hip hop + Queen
= Vanilla Ice. AICMFP.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I beg you, please, just stop*.


*collaborate and listen
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I am back*.
*with a brand new invention.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:29, Reply)

*golf claps*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Wookie!!!
*waves*
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Hello hello.
How's tricks?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I ain't turning any.
I'm ok. You're oop north at the weekend?
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

That is the plan yes.
It will be brilliant. As long as Mildew doesn't stamp on my gentleman's area again.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Yay!
Bless her little doggie size nines.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Instead of dreaming about DJing as a support act for Queen in an outdoor gig in the US in the early 80s, playing old skool hip hop to a huge crowd who loved it and then waking up and going to work....
... have you tried having a nice cold glass of Solphadeen Max Solluble with 50mg of Sevradol, a can of 'V' Energy drink and then tried typing into YouTube "[something] vs" and letting the autocomplete do the rest to find a video? ("Piranha Vs" is the sickest one I've found, "Pug vs" is the best one) ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I've not, no.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

How about cooking a nice stir fry? The other day I went to dream about DJing as a support act for Queen in a [etc etc], but instead I made a stir fry.
Turns out, the stir fry was much nicer than the DJing as the [etc etc]. I made my own sauce out of Sweet Chilli/Honey/Chilli/Mirrim/Soy/Sessimi Oil/Sessimi Seeds, and added some Cashewnuts and a red pepper to the packet of stir fry mix.

NYOMIKINZ....\(^o^')/.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)

kick pigeons

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I am going to make you listen to a song about this in the car.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)

by [sponge]?
kicking pigeons in the park?

oh I just saw lab wrote that *waves at lab, asssesssssessss how much he looks like a pigeon*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:33, Reply)

*narrows eyes*
Hi TGB!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

hey squishybear obviously I wouldn't kick you that would be mean and I'm totally lovely

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

That would be mean
And you are lovely. AND we get to share a car soon! YAY!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:38, Reply)

We get to be the naughty kids in the back
although not too naughty because then Mummy Clendrix will shout at us
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I don't like it when she uses her Angry Voice

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

small voice doen't work on her either
You know, with neither of us driving our stobart skillz should be AWESOME
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I predict STOBARTAGEDDON

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I predict accidentally driving us under a lorry.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

So long as it's a Stobart

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

That's the one, I should remember that at least SOME of you lot have decent taste in music.
*Looks at Monty, shakes head sadly*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I saw spunge a while back with farce and 10 foot fingers
then I won loads of stuff int he raffle. It was awesome.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Sorry, 'man who knows all the words to Ice Ice Baby'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)

That's a pretty cumbersome nickname, you can do better.
Also Ice Ice Baby is a modern classic you philistine.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Sorry, 'man who only likes the first 15 seconds of Tom Sawyer'.
Repeated ad nauseam.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:39, Reply)

I can't understand why you would only like the first 15 seconds.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

It's a hip hop DJing thing.
You cut up the 'break' of the intro with two copies, thus making a new tune, without Geddy Lee's horiffically bent singing.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

But he starts singing after 8 seconds
so you're just flicking between two 5 or 6 second samples?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Yes.
This is called 'cutting up breaks' and is the manner in which the original hip hop DJs created instrumentals for breakdancing and MCing. Samplers and drum machines were five years away from existing, you see.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

But it's an awful lot of effort
given that you could do it once on a computer and then loop it.

Just because that was the way you used to have to do something doesn't make your ability to do it impressive.

Nobody is impressed by my ability to make a spinning jenny or use a typewriter.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I shall try to find you someone decent doing it on YouTube.
Perhaps then you will understand.

HERE YOU GO:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WEytN7FQIo
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

The Tom Sawyer cut-up is 'traditional':
www.beastiemania.com/whois/mix_master_mike/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Al, I cannot fathom why a man would want to play that first 15 seconds
Then cut straight into the same 15 second sample on a second record. Over and over for about 5 minutes.
Not only would this mean you have to have 2 copies of a song I do not care for, but it would be easier to just DJ using MP3s and set a loop...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Well yes, that too.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

When not so pissed I can barely stand
some variation and scratching is usually added for the sake of variety and entertainment. You did not see the 'routine' at its best.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)

I've just listened to Tom Sawyer
I have only recently been introduced to Rush, but I do like that song.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Geddy Lee is a homosexual.
His vocals ruin their music, cf Budgie.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I've obviously questioned your DJing ability enough
To make you overlook the slight troll comment that you should get with the times and use MP3s.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Sorry I only ever read the first few words of your posts
as they are always so fucking dull. Sorry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:49, Reply)

as they are always so fucking dull. Sorry. Because I'm such a twathole with money that I can't pay for decent net access, so am using old 60 day AOL dial-up trial discs.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Is this why he's always about ten minutes late with his comebacks?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Ouch.
*resigns*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Oh, hello dear.
Emerged from your burrow, have you?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

*moves away from Lampito*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I'm going to get punched, aren't I.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

You are if you keep forgetting BASIC PUNCTUATION.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

It wasn't a question, it was a resigned statement

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

PUNCH-YOU-A-SHON *Smack, right in the grammar box*
That should be TGB's signature move/saying when someone does their grammar wrong.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I was off work for a week, during which time I had better stuff to do than come on here.
As a result there is now no skin left on my cock, but my left arm has reached Herculean proportions.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Glad to hear it, old bean.
I've done pretty much nothing.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

In the park?
Spungelolz.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:31, Reply)

IN THE FACE

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)

WARNING WARNING FOOTBALL SUBTHREAD OMG WHAT A BASTARD
I know you're not Tightly but seeing as he won't show his face today I would still like to point and laugh.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I hope they deoprt that stupid Polish cunt of a goal keeper
What a fucking twat.

Maybe Professor Yaffle will finally realise he needs to buy a goalie and some fucking defenders.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

I think my favourite bit was when he got his sulk on so bad that he refused to give a post-match interview.
Top grown-up behaviour there.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)

He was wearing a ridiculous coat too

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

You know you're talking to Wookiee here, right?
Ridiculous coats is his 'thing'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

You're thinking of Barryfromeastenders.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

no, he's jackets, not coats

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I beg to differ
I've got a ridiculous coat as well, well possible more than one of them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:56, Reply)

kick you in the face if you're not careful
Feeling better?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Aww, was al not feeling well?
Poor al.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Fuck You Chinny Boy.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I was actually being genuine
I shall take my sympathies back.
*takes*
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Liar
you've never felt sympathy for anyone in your life.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

I have and you know it
That look I give your lovely wife is three parts sympathy to one part horn.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I'm still coughing lots
but my voice is a bit better. I didn't really do myself any favours by playing on singstar on saturday night. By the end of it I could barely make any noise at all.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:37, Reply)

could you just about muster enough energy to squeak "pie pie pie"
And then waddle over to the kitchen and fall face first into a plate of mashed potato?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I had just had a curry
so I didn't need any pies.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Last week I took my kid to a party in a 'soft play' centre.
She was running around having the time of her life, then stopped, ran over to me and handed me a massive bogey, then ran off again and carried on larking about.

I thought this was funny.

As you were.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Was it hers
or had she just found it on the floor?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:32, Reply)

I don't know. Maybe someone was handing them out.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Maybe she had snorted some of your MDs and it made her nose run

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:34, Reply)

She's too young to be snorting MD's
Monty's got her on a pipe.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Are you calling me a nonce?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Probably,
this thread is exceptionally dull.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:39, Reply)

It really is.
I'm reduced to 'bogey anecdotes'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Which makes a nice change from "massive drugs" and "whining".

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Tapas update
Patatas bravas an enourmous success, my guess at how to make chorizo in booze after watching the rugby in the pub not so great.
Rissoto and salads and cheese and stuff all went down very well.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:42, Reply)

No way - I wouldn't share my precious MDs with that little bastard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Well at least she didn't wipe it on her clothes and carry on.
That shows a bit of good breeding.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:43, Reply)

My mum tried to tell me really quietly to stop picking my nose
but I had a really loud voice, so I announced to M&S food hall "I'm just getting the crows out!"

this was last Friday
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Watching crap/Nic Cage films, eating meat, wandering around, listening to bad music. I'm not sure.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I start fires

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Well it's now definitely hotting up in my knickers.

( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:45, Reply)

*trigger fingers*
Alright darlin
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Yup!
Been doing the fandango lately?
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Had a competition yesterday in fact
In Romford. It was most surreal; in the main hall were the various orange-coloured freaks in ridiculous dresses competing, and in the adjacent bar were several heavily-tattooed Essex stereotypes loudly cheering on West Ham
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Good job West Ham won then really.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Yeah, I was getting some very questioning looks whilst watching it
I was only wearing a shirt, tie, waistcoat and my Latin trousers. Not a sequin in sight. When Liverpool scored I decided to scarper cos I was wearing a red tie
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:56, Reply)

start fires bum sailors

/inspiration fail
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:48, Reply)

You're not really trying this morning, are you?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:51, Reply)

He's trying every morning.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:53, Reply)

I imagine he looks all pale and tired after his week off.

( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

You are not Billy Joel AICMFP

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Hahaha
Well played, sir
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Excellent

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:06, Reply)

<s>start fires</s>
'm 122 years old from east germany. I'm a retired dictator.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Haha!
Unusual twist, I like it!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

This is fucking hilarious
www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/feb/27/ashley-cole-shoots-student-rifle

I really, really hope that the police charge him and he gets sent down. It won't happen of course, he has too much money, but the fact that it's a possibility is very funny.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I learned about this story on Sikipedia.
It's now become my main news site.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:00, Reply)

I couldn't believe that
I swear he's looking for new and interesting ways to make himself the most hated man in Britain. I suppose there is a vacancy, now that Piers Morgan does most of his work in America
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:02, Reply)

He didn't realise the rifle was loaded
Surely that is not a valid excuse in a court of law? The first thing you ever get told if you do any sort of training with weapons is never, ever point them at people, regardless of whether they are loaded or now.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

If only there were a place where morons and guns could live together
so he could go and live there.
( thealternativefact, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

This is a man who cheated on Cheryl Cole
and used an anonymously purchased, unregistered phone to send a photo of HIS FACE. Not all his dogs are barking. But as you say, "don't imprison me your honour, I'll buy you a mansion" is an acceptable defence in a court of law
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Nope, I think Mandelson is still winning in that respect

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Mandelson's run out of tricks
Although Cole's career can't have more than five years left to it and I can't see him becoming a manager. Mandelson could get a second series yet
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:09, Reply)

You mean aside from saying Gaddafi is only trying to instil democracy? (I think, was v tired when I heard that)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

And The Daily Mash makes it all the more awesome
www.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/gazza-offers-cole-some-chicken-201102283581/
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Hahaha
That's genius. Even by the Mash's high standards, that is brilliant
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:04, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I'm going to completely ruin any Cool Kudos that I may have racked up on this place, I'm putting my reputation on the line here as a bad-ass yidgger from the wrong side of the tracks in the bad side of town.....
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1361222/Rottweiler-plays-mother-orphaned-bunnies-birds-kittens.html
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Oh wow
that totally makes up for all those nasty bigoted columnists they have. I'm going to start buying the mail just for the articles about pets.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:13, Reply)

'Illegal Polish Dogs and how they're affecting the price of YOUR house'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Immigrant kittens are dying of BUMDERISM because of their disgusting lifestyle choice.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Polish dogs are called Flash
*Jacko lols*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:16, Reply)

*throws up on dad's slippers after smoking weed*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

*Babylon lols*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:19, Reply)

No-one on here bar Tuggers will have a fucking clue what we're on about here.
Betcha.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:20, Reply)

This is pretty much par for the course though.
Dozer was upto speed yesterday afternoon during the nostalgic old skool conversation.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Tighty, I was wondering, can I have a go on your wife? Just the once, you know, to make sure she's not poisened.
This'll be so creepy if it turns out that you're actually DiT and not Al
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Yeah, ride away
I'd don't actually fancy her, she's just a cover for my rampant bumderism
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

FUCK YEAH ! GO GO DAILY MAIL !
Dave has encompassed the true meaning of "the big society"
- Capt Sensible, UK, 28/2/2011 7:01
Click to rate Rating 60


Read more: www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1361222/Rottweiler-plays-mother-orphaned-bunnies-birds-kittens.html#ixzz1FFP7I7Xc
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:15, Reply)

"I wish that Humanity learn a lesson from our best friend."

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I think I might do a "Comment Not Relevant" article on coll3ctive this week.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:18, Reply)

I liked your Tube Knobs article

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Thanks =D

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Al, do you like Electric Wizard.
I stumbled across them on 'the internet' the other day. They're classed as doom/sludge/stoner. I liked their version of Venus in Furs.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:23, Reply)

*wishes it could be Christmas EVERY DAAAAY* in a dalek voice
Am I getting this wrong?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I've never heard them

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I heard Orange Goblin during the same session.
They were described as AC/DC meets Motorhead: my verdict is more like turgid meets tedious. Not very good at all. I was disappointed as they look quite 'cool'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Even this?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw4EXqWkJIM&feature=related
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:45, Reply)

Just for fun
Every Sunday I meet up in a local pub with some like-minded folk (Pooflake included) and play guitar and sing, just for the hell of it! We've christened it 'Twang club'. In between the guitar playing we drink beer!
In other news I was introduced to the landlord's 11 week old Alaskan Malamute puppy yesterday - all fluff and huge paws. Gonna be a big dog when full grown!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:24, Reply)

This makes me wish I could play the guitar.
I guess it's never to late to start learning but I haven't even got to grips with my Spanish course yet.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Do it!!
Learn some Spanish guitar and combine the two
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Haha! I never thought of that.
I could play the guitar while Darth does the flamenco. Bashes will be ace.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

ace bent.

*Waves!*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:30, Reply)

*WAVES*

( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Reading this has just nudged me that little bit closer to suicide.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:33, Reply)

KEEP GOING! KEEP GOING! ALMOST THERE!
Just think about all the shit things about your life, and don't think about Lusty or your daughter, get them right out of your head.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:35, Reply)

b3ta support networking in action, right here!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Right, I know this is an unusual suggestion, I know that right now KFC very much has the Moaty thing going for it,
and McDonald's has always been the traditionalist's choice, but at this stage in Monty's life I can't help but feel that a trip to Wimpy's what he really needs.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I like your thinking here
I also like the fact that Burger King has not even been mentioned.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Was McDonalds where that other guy went to that actually did try and commit suicide until Poppet got upset?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I'm not sure,
I seem to recall a lengthy discussion on his fast food preferences but I don't think we actually got an answer.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:47, Reply)

-sigh-
if only search were up at the mo.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:48, Reply)

No, the whole thread got deleted

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Thread iz wit da angles 4eva!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:59, Reply)

I half remember it, at least

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I'd put money on his order including....
www.wimpy.uk.com/menu-bgr.html

The Bender in a bun, with cheese.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:43, Reply)

He should have a brown derby


www.wimpy.uk.com/menu-des.html
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I can see one of those if I look out my window.
I'm blessed on so many levels.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:12, Reply)

GONZ! When are we going to the new sushi place in southgate together?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:14, Reply)

There are all skill levels at Twang club
...From complete beginner onwards - that's why we like it so much, we don't look quite as shit as we really are!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:40, Reply)

*brings marracas*
I could be like Bez.
( girlinthehole, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:55, Reply)

the weekends are starting to feel a bit like the weeks these days
had to spend 5 hours in the fucking office yesterday.

Wouldn't have had to if this stupid, pointless fucking secondment wasn't preventing me from being able to do my job when I'm supposed to do it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:27, Reply)

where is gonz?
EAT has the amazing pesto and minestrone soup today, he NEEDS to know about it.

that is all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Swipey
as a solicitor, what do you think Ashley Cole's chances are of avoiding prosecution for ABH?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:42, Reply)

i am not a criminal solicitor
anyone on here has as good a guess as i do.

come to me when you want sexy input on sexy things like boundary disputes, easements, tenant arrears, breaches of covenant, contentious green issues, leasehold restructuring, 1954 act rights and lease renewals, shopping centre management, unreasonably withholding consent to requests for alienation or alterations...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Someone told me
that to extend my lease by 99 years (or whatever) - lease owned by Tower Hamlets - might cost me 25 grand, inc legal fees. Is this about right, do you think?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Can I have my reply in a sexy way, please?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

you are liable for the cost of the extension and for the landlord's legal fees
it is a statutory calculation based on the value of the flat. there are 3 elements to it, but if you have more than 80 years left - which you don't, i think - you only have to pay 2 of those elements.

i would say £25k all-in sounds about right, although only a valuer could tell you for sure, but you will see it back immediately in the value of your flat. eg, mine cost me £50k in total, but the flat is now worth £125k or so more than i paid for it a couple of years ago.

the best thing you can read is this website right here: www.lease-advice.org/

it even has a calculator on it to work out the likely premium.

i wrote this topless, if that helps on the sexy front?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:58, Reply)

PHWAOR!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)

i know, i talk really dirty
on the topic of leasehold extensions
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)

You will need me to draw up a contract.
With my breasts.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

I'll look at that once I've finished wanking. Thank you very much.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:12, Reply)

my dad was a criminal solicitor
and as such I am most qualified to say that he'll probably get off scot free. If it were a person he'd shot rather than a student it might be a different story.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I reckon that student will be properly quids in though
He'll easily get a 100K for letting it go.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:03, Reply)

But that said
if it were me, I'd not care about the money, I'd just make damn sure the cunt got sent down and I'd also ensure there was a written guarantee that he'd get arse raped at least three times while he was inside.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Racist

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)

s'true
I fucking hate people from Chelsea.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:06, Reply)

I fucking hate people called Chelsea

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I fucking hate the sea.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Fuck that, hundred grand, revenge isn't worth that much.

( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Fuck it, I'd let him shoot me in the leg for that with an air riffle.
Probably can score another few hundred off the club 'cus their medics sent him home.
( G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I don't know
If it was me, I wouldn't be permanently injured, and I don't need the money, it would be nice obviously, but equally, I have quite a strong sense of morality that says people shouldn't be treated differently just because they are rich.

If some little scrote was pissing about and shot me on the street, I'd make damn sure the cunt went down for it.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I thought you 'Geordies' approved of people shooting each other?
If the 'Moaty' saga has taught me anything...
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:22, Reply)

you're probably right
I like the whole "accidentally" aspect of it. As if.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Morning piss weasels
I'm going to start thr day controversially by saying I had a fab weekend watching England win the rugby and tie the cricket.

I appreciate that no one else cares.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:04, Reply)

It was a good cricket match wasn't it
I've never paid attention to one day games before, but that was really good.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I mate of mine has sorted Sky so could sit around at his watching
it costs him £70 a month though which is obscene
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:09, Reply)

That is fucking outrageous
why so much? I can just about undertand £30-£40 a month.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:11, Reply)

he has multi room, HD and all channels
But HD costs £10 extra per month PER room, so it's only in the bedroom, how retarded is that?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:13, Reply)

It's cos of the extra box you need in each room.
I pay £70 but I have Sky HD in one room only. I pay £10 for ESPN per month.

It's cock but I find it aggravating if there is something on and I can't watch it because I don't have the right kind of subscription.

EDIT: NA, repeated half your comments as was typing a work e-mail. tsk!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 28 Feb 2011, 11:32, Reply)