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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Life is so unfair
It is. Well, apart from not being on that graph, my life is pretty good. I was talking with Mark and saying that for at least a whole year I haven't had any mayor problems and all what I wanted has happened. Maybe it's because I don't want too much, maybe I'm just lucky.

I look around and see my friends and quite a few of them are having a bad time. No job, no partners, no kids, no house, no parents... whatever; and I wonder why things are so good to me and not to others, or if it's just that I'm possitive and feel good with what I have.

So, when did you feel last time that life was unfair? Is it usually too good or too bad for you?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:09, 306 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
You've been eating croissants haven't you?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:10, Reply)
Yes, I have
I like them and they make me feel good. But honestly, I look at me now and think I'm doing well, no real reasons to complain. What about you?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:11, Reply)
I'd better not answer this one.
Don't want to put a strain on the already over-taxed WAAAAAAHmbulance Service, what with all the cuts and everything.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:11, Reply)
Yep
I understand. I can put an Alt for you. What would you like to talk about? (No music)
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
*shrugs* don't mind, it's your thread...

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Oooooh
Are you putting a "puppy face" too?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
hehehe!

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I'm drooling and have a vacant, retarded look about me, so 'yes'.
I've also shat in the hall.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Bad boy, bad boy
Not treat for you tonight.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
*chews up newspaper and scratches door*

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Enough!
You're going to sleep on the back yard tonight. And not crying.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I live a charmed life.
I just wish I could live it with someone else.


Edit - thinking about it, charmed may be a bit misleading but it's been OK.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:11, Reply)
You have a lovely family
and good friends that love you to bits. I know it's not the same as a partner, but you're not alone.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I know : )
I'm blessed in that respect.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
You're never alone with a strand

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)

nd p on
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I'm not very lucky as a person
but then most of the stuff can be blamed on me, rather than life. If I wanted a partner I should lose some weight and be slightly quieter, if I wanted a better degree I should've worked for it etc.

Bad stuff probably happens to me a bit more than other people, but I've also been given the ability to cope with it, so I don't feel too awful.

I am glad things are going so well for you though
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
I don't agree much about the partner bit
He should love you despite your weight. And you are not so fat that noone would look at you! C'mon!

I used to have bad luck, and meet all type of weird people. Recently I just think it's funny and don't feel bad for it.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
My new tent-dresses are very flattering this is true

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
Hahaha!
Tent dresses? Have you seen some of the women on the street? Those that weight 100+kg, and still wear jeans and low cut tops? When you're like that I'll tell you to lose weight and wear tent dresses.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I think to a large extent you make your own "luck", or whatever you want to call it.
Whingers about how bad shit is have themselves to blame mostly. Unless you're stuck in a tsunami or something...
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I agree with you
Even if you're stuck in a tsunami. I've seen families on the tv feeling happy because they were all alive, even when they had lost everything. So it mostly depends on you. OK, if the tsunami kills you, you're in trouble, but eh, maybe it's for a good thing :)
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Something tells me he'd be into something good.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
NEVER be 'slightly quieter' - don't you fucking dare.
Also you don't need to lose weight, shut up.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I am too strongly opinionated
and look at the bash photo from the other night. I blend with the night
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
You cannot be too strongly opinionated. Strong opinions are part of what makes you great.
I for one have no time for fence-sitting weedy dullards and I shall be heartbroken if you 'tone yourself down' in any way. if people cannot hack it they are cunts who aren't worth your time.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I may or may not agree with you on this Monty.
I'm not really sure.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
HAVE AN OPINION, DAMMIT!

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Unless you're a complete knob like Wormulus there is nothing wrong with being opinionated.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
I didn't find you loud and overbearing in the least.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Thanks BGB :)
unless that was sarcasm in which case I'm totally crying in the corner
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
hahaha!
I meant it.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:25, Reply)
At least I'm not a Bridezilla type person
it may be on the tv
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
I watch that.
Those merkin brides are scary.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
They all look the same
do they just use the same women again and again?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I was tempted to watch it the other day
but couldn't find the time. Sounds funny, though.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
You smug cunt

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:12, Reply)
Smug?
Maybe. I don't know if I'm happy or content, but I've got no reasons to complain.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:13, Reply)
Have you been listening to Joy Division again?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:13, Reply)
I don't think so
I don't think I know them either, but their name rings a bell.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Northern miserablists. Avoid.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:16, Reply)
They're awesome.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
You experience awe when you hear 'Hooky's' basslines?
I am awestruck that most people cannot see them for the shit that they are.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
He's an arrogant fucker.
Quite a nasty twat really.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Wife beater and all.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Yeah I remember him twatting Caroline at some Granada studios shindig.
I like some of "The Other Two's" music, quite upbeat and cheerful.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Apparently the only reason he played so much in the upper register
was because he struggled to reach the lower frets on account of wearing a stupidly long guitar strap, for no other reason than to draw attention to himself. The fucking ponce.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
I have heard this. A 'fucking tosser', if you will.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
In the same vein, I've also heard that he has suffered chronic back pain
due to the effect of poncing about in such an unnatural position with his bass on such a long strap. It's almost enough to make you believe in some sort of bass-guitar-related karma, were it not for the fact that Paul Simonon does not seem to have died in an undignified accident involving a spade and his twatty face.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I'd forgotten how much I liked you.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I nearly thumped a "fan" last week.
Well, a friend of the band. He was quite complementary about my bass playing, which was nice, right up until the point that he said,
"You know who you want to try and copy a bit more? Paul Simonon. He was awesome."
WHAT DO PEOPLE SEE IN THIS TWAT? ALL HE DID WAS STRUT AROUND THE STAGE PLAYING SOME SORT OF LOW NOTE UNDER JOE STRUMMER'S SHIT EXCUSES FOR SONGS. HE COULD BARELY PLAY THE FUCKING INSTRUMENT. WHY IS HE IDOLISED IN THIS WAY?

This was just before one of their other friends let on that she liked the Dandy Cunting Warhols. Oddly enough, the same day that we'd discussed "Dig!" I barely have a tongue left from all the biting.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:47, Reply)

tongue pillow
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Bravo.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I really like Love Will Tear Us Apart.
The lyrics really speak to me is that so wrong?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
I'm afraid so.


Soz.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
You tube them.
"Transmission" is a particularly grim place to start,
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
The good thing about English music
is that, because I don't understand the lyrics straight away, I use to assume that the tune is happy, without thinking of it. Almost every single English son sounds happy to me.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Joy Division won't
I guarantee it. It's amazing that only one of them topped themselves (thus far - still got my fingers crossed on Hook)
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I've offered to assist him loads of times.
Tickets to Switzerland, everything - but will he? Will he bollocks.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Keep fighting the good fight, Monty
See if you can get Rick Wakeman, Phil Collins and the Gallaghers interested in a group rate trip.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Rick Wakeman's alright - as long as you keep him away from the keyboards.
He's a hilarious raconteur.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
I'll have to take your word for that
Something about him rubs me up the wrong way. Take Paul Rodgers then
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Oh cunt for sure. Although Free's first two LPs are fucking brilliant.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Faith No More's 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th LPs are fucking brilliant
(I will concede that the last two are my opinion, rather than general consensus).

But Bill Gould is still a cunt.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:20, Reply)
I don't tend to question good luck.
Just enjoy it while you can.

On the downside you have the worry of potential unemployment and divorce. Maybe.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:15, Reply)
Hahaha and probably cancer.

And a car crash, infertility and a nuclear disaster.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
Deffo cancer.
And HIV.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Mark decides that he wants to be Martha

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Having seen Mark dance to the Weather girl's, It's raining men, I can almost believe this.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:20, Reply)
Me too!
As long as Martha still wants to be with me, I don't mind being lesbian :)
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
How forward thinking of you hon : )

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
First time we went out partying
and I got to see him dancing, I started to consider this. However, he hasn't thought of changing sex yet, neither he's accepted any of the gay's requests he's had, so I'm relatively calm.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:25, Reply)
He has - he'd just not told you about his liaisons.
He's cheating on you with a cross-dressing bender from Surrey. Sorry to be the bearer and all that.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
They're ALL shirters from Surrey.
Internet fact.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I am from Surrey and I am not a gay.
I put it to you that the proof is in my awful attitude to women.

Internet fact: DISPROVED
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)

bender telecommunications analyst Surrey Bayroot
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
LOL

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
I'd be quite upset
as I've told him I want a trio, and he says it's ok with 2 women but not 2 men.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
He is correct in this.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:40, Reply)
^Sexist agrees^

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Therefore...
he's not a bender?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Either that or he's playing a defensive game.
Ease him into it by suggesting two women, but one of them gets a strapon.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)
see, no, don't think I could do that

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
You are Daryl Hall and I claim my Man-eater.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
Whoah-oh here she comes.
You can tell because your drink is doing that thing from Jurassic Park.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
*Roger Moore 'oof'*

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)
hahahahaha

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:22, Reply)
Yes
I've always thought that I rather worry when things happen, as otherwise you worry for them twice. Having said that, I'm over cautious and always think of the consequences of everything I do; which I know it's a bit contradictory.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:21, Reply)
it felt pretty unfair last night when I was laying in bed and there was no one there to scratch my back
I don't see life as too bad or too good, life is life
I've been through some serious stuff and my life is a lot better than it was but it's not great. I guess I'm just content. It's a good time right now.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:17, Reply)
You have to train your dog for the scratching!
Glad to hear you're doing fine. I think that the better you feel about your life, the better your life becomes.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
oh, no, it's actually quite shit, I'm probably going to have to move in with my parents until I can afford to move again
I don't want my dog to scratch, I want a man to
and etc etc etc
but you have to deal with it, change it or get over it, right?

I have a job and a place to live so I feel like I shouldn't complain. It could be so much worse.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:26, Reply)
That's what I meant on my post
At the moment I'm living with my in-laws, which is not ideal, but I think life has been pretty good with me. I could be starving and living on the streets. Or I could have lost my parents and have to look after my younger siblings... I don't know.

Moving back with your parents? Do you at least have a good relationship with them? I don't think I could deal with going back to the parents' home.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Basically I feel like it's my only option, I can't save up to move anywhere else without finding a new job
One day the landlord is like omg bff, and the next it's like she's hitler
I can't handle it, I'm going grey
I do have a good relationship with them but the problem would be my dog, not sure if my dad will allow me to move in when I have her, I will likely have to move into the musty basement with the spiders :(
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
But think of all the fun
you can have in the basement! With all those spiders and all! Your father might even give you a key to the door and let you in and out.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Stick some Pedigree Chum on your minge.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
leave the internet forever

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I cannot actually believe I posted that.
I'm truly sorry.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:42, Reply)
FOREVER

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
I won't do it again.


Please?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Why don't you invite your less successful friends round for a party.
Then show a power point of your lovely life.

Apologies for sarcasm.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:19, Reply)
Supply Paracetomol and gin too.
And plastic bags.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Now
You're not coming to my warming party.

Let's see, my life has bad things too. I'm scared to dead to live with my husband and that it doesn't work. Or that I can't have a child. Or that we lose our jobs. But I think I'll be able to cope and that there's always light at the end.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:24, Reply)
I take it all back.
I'm just in the pit of despair at the moment. I need to climb the ladder of MTFU and sort stuff out.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Pick on Aber, then - it works for me.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:29, Reply)
What's up Bart?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:29, Reply)
Oh, dear!
Is it something that can be sorted, or something you have to live with?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)
A wire brush and Dettol generally clears things up.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Take it out on your local minority groups. Works for me.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:40, Reply)
In Luton, WASPs are the minority.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Oh yeah. Beat yourself up.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Doing it already.
But thanks for your kind words.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
A happy thread how nice
happiness is a viewpoint as much as something defined by physical aspects of ones life.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:24, Reply)
Life is pretty good right at the moment
I'm single and not convinced I did the right thing in going to uni, but I'm on a get-fit-and-lose-weight drive that should help with the single thing, and I'm done with uni after one more year. My hobbies are starting to come along too - I'm getting close to a level of cycling ability I'll be happy with, my poker playing has improved in the last few months after a long period of bad results and I'll have a lot more time for my kites over summer than I've had for them in uni term time.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:27, Reply)
What are you studying

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Bob Dylan's cock. With his mouth.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:30, Reply)
He's really 'boning up' on his Dylan.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)
It's alright Mat (I'm only teasing)

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
THIS IS A BRILLIANT JOKE

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
...
BRILLIANT typical Monty
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 16:39, Reply)
All along the cocktower.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
THIS ISN'T.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:40, Reply)
How long do you think it'll be until you can lose that last stabiliser?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:30, Reply)
How nice!
What do you do with kites? Do you sell them, or compete?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Teach power kiting
As per the site in my sig. I might get into competition sometime - I really need a long period of flying regularly for that to be possible, and that's not likely to happen for another year or so.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 16:40, Reply)
the stuff i can control
like job, social life etc is pretty good even when it's bad.

the stuff i can't control, like family (i nearly killed them all at the weekend), bereavement, relationships sucks.

but i do have monster munch and pesto-topped houmous, so that cures all.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:30, Reply)
How did you nearly kill your family?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:31, Reply)
ever seen that bit in "itchy and scratchy"
which is a parody of "the sorceror's apprentice" where the cat chops the mouse into so many tiny pieces with an axe that they turn into vapour?

twice as hard as that.

in my head.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Good God! my family drives me round the fookin bend............constantly.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:32, Reply)
What did your family do now?
I try to spend not too much time with my family, as they can drive me mad (apart from my brother). And I try not to give good news to my mum until it's all certain and close to be real, or she calls me every day to ask if there's been any progress.

I have houmous and carrots for later, but I had too much lunch, so I might leave it until tomorrow.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
they just......
...... argh. one brother whinged because he was dressed too smartly for the venue and apparently this was my fault because he had thought we were going to the golf club. then my other brother whinged because the menu was burgers and milkshakes (you should SEE the menu, they even make jaffa cake milkshakes!). I CHOSE IT BECAUSE OF YOUR CHILDREN, YOU INGRATE.

then sister-in-law 1 whinged because it was too hot. and there was no sunday roast. like at the golf club. and sister-in-law 2 said nothing but looked very reproachfully at me with her over-dressed golf-club-wearing eyes.

and the kids were overexcited and bounced all over me and my monumental hangover. AND we never got to the fucking milkshakes because my brother was too hot and wanted to get an ice-cream in the park instead. oh yeah, a fucking mr whippy. that's the same as a triple banana chocolate crumble milkshake.

then the park was too busy, WHICH I TOLD THEM IT WOULD BE, so we ended up back in the garden with waitrose choc-ices.

families suck.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Your problem here is that you frequent golf clubs

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:39, Reply)
no no no
i refuse to frequent them! the last time i went, there was nothing for lunch that wasn't a sunday roast. they could not believe i did not want it.

i ended up with egg mayonnaise. followed by an OMELETTE.

i have refused to set foot in the sexist, unenlightened place again. women are only allowed in certain parts of the place (this objection does not include the gents, smart-ass!) FFS.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
They are full of nouveau riche wankers, with ideas way above their Mason brainwashed heads

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Ugh, arrivistes.
Scrap-iron millionaires etc - vile.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
i think i am an "etc" here
still, it's better than being a povvo, innit
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Not necessarily, I fear.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Haha

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Bert's certainly did.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Poor you
I would have told them to go away to the park and I'd have stayed there with my milksake.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
had it been closer to home
i would have done EXACTLY this.

brothers suck. children suck. not getting my milkshake sucked.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
I like my brother (not in a Bert's way)
But I have my problems with my sister and mother. Now, if they're going to get between me and my milkshake... there'll be blood!
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Oh it's not so bad, really.
Near constant struggle, but that's what life's about for most of us, ain't it. I wish I earned a bit more, that's all.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
.......

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Beautiful day for a Frisbee, wouldn't you agree?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
I don't know whether a frisbee would be able to appreciate good weather
what with it being a plastic object and all.
To play frisbee, however...yeah I suppose it would be.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:42, Reply)
This reply smells faintly of 'Colin Hunt' (NB not rhyming slang in this instance)

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
tell him to fuck off if he's going to be a twat

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
I can't - for I have left the internet forever.
This post is a ghostly apparition from beyond the grave.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
haaahaha
i can smell the lies all the way over here
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Those are my dad's lies. They smell similar to mine.
It's his birthday today.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Well I hope he knows the cake is a lie and everything.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I knew you'd be first to comment here
I was tempted to offer the sage advice of "if you're going to make yourself a target, at least get the first shot in" but couldn't be fucking bothered
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I was trying to be nice; i assumed Frisbee could be used a verb, apparently it can't

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Used a verb, eh?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Fuck me you're clever you spotted a typo
See if you can spot the word cunt tattooed on your forehead
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:47, Reply)
See now this would have worked if it wasn't the mong who couldn't fucking type properly making the comment.
But no, so now you're predictable AND thick, in the space of three posts. Good job there, kiddo
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:49, Reply)
excellent attempted patronising

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Don't you have exams to fail?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)
Don't be unpleasant to Amberl.
Don't.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
It's alright
by the sounds of that walking minority complex's previous posts I'm sure she'll fuck things up without my input.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
I do my best
but of course I can always use tips from the man who is a master class in fucking things up and being upset ONLINE
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Please desist.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Don't make me break my "I am never rude to people" thing......
..... Amberl is the brightest person on here!
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
That's a whole lot of relativity there
In the context of 'on here' please define 'bright' and 'person'.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:26, Reply)
Somebody who didn't link /talk to the comments page for their work's website?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:28, Reply)
While it was an independent article which indirectly linked to a site affiliated with where I work
I agree that it may have been naive.
I'm glad you got your facts right though. Makes me wonder what you're doing here tbh
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:31, Reply)
Amberl wouldn't have done that.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:32, Reply)
No offence
but I don't think Amberl would have had anything worth linking to in any kind of forum.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:39, Reply)
That doesn't invalidate my comment.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:40, Reply)
I think you might be misremembering
how roundly your link was mocked. And you're right, I have nothing of interest to add on either photocopying or how to push a tea trolley well
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:41, Reply)
You can get away with having a pop at Apey
and whilst Amberl doesn't need white knighting, I would also kindly request that you shove it
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:43, Reply)
This, this right here?
This is getting popular paged.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:51, Reply)
no can do, sorry
i have year end billing to finalise and possession proceedings to draft and advice to give on 837 breaches of tenant covenants on a supermarket in south wales and a torts notice to draft and a statutory demand to get out, all before i hit the winebar at 8.

i just wanted to say amberl rocks. woo! yay! amberl!
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)
I have consent orders and a contract for freelance developers to build from scratch.
I don't wanna :(
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Would you two please just have sex and get it over with?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
He's for Psychochalmp's eyes only
As gutted as I am. Those big, needy, glassy doe-eyes roving all over my body, that quivering lip, that extra chromosome....
All these pleasures are for another's love, not mine :(
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
This is 139% gayer than anything I've ever posted
The brush that tarred me knows no limits, mate, run while you still can
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
the hilarity of this is that PALC and i don't really get on
we were both briefly united in the face of epic stupidity and cuntish behaviour
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Let it be known that while I think you are a uniquely retarded individual
I am genuinely happy that you are finding an irrelevant and otherwise uninteresting relationship to be amusing.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Thanks, now can you copy this for me please, the successful people have proper work to do
chop chop
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Swipey it's going to be difficult for me to flirt with you if you nick Apey's login

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
You love it you big bender

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
True
*bums*
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)
See, now again this would have been funny
Except the copyboy gag was....*pause*....mine in the first place.
It's like you're laughing at me for a joke I made about ME.

Your girlfriend must think you have a beautiful soul because bless you, you are a massive spastic.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Hahaha
If that solved every problem!
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I keep suggesting it
as the perfect solution to our "wanting to have sex with each other" problem
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)

each other two men at once

Topical.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Nicely done there
You may have just increased my chances of shagging Aber from 0.00001% to 0.00002%. If it happens, I'll make sure you get first look at the photos.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
I've got good odds on Psychochalmp coming up close behind

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
That is an absolutely fucking horrific mental image
*checks behind for trolls*
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Read it again....
he doesn't understand the Al thing
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I know
I'm letting it go, it seems unkind to have to tell him there are two of them
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
I know that there's a PsychoChomp, and that for some reason there's a PsychoChalmp
I can only assume one is trying to be needy and mimic the other.
The only things I know for sure are that Chomp isn't the idiot, and I am indifferent to the true identity of Chalmp.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
This is not a bad guess, although not accurate
The major flaw with the above is that PsychoChomp is most definitely an idiot. Well, perhaps, not an idiot; more of a cunt.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
My statement stands

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
nice time of year to be a QC
i have 5 real QC's celebratory parties to go to in the next 2 months.

this is completely irrelevant, i just thought i'd lighten the mood.

carry on.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Ahem, Adam's the tea boy

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:54, Reply)
I've graduated to copyboy
get it right, fucko
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)
Oh dear, a demotion already

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Copying of letters to be retained on file, potential exposure of copying to third parties?
How is that a demotion from making tea, an entirely internal affair?

I think this is why you spend more time here than on /talk, yeah?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
You know that you've failed the game of life when you have to beaker about being the photocopier kid
Tea making is FAR more important
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
this is a good point
looking at the staff in our canteen -v- your average reprographics guy.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
the obese guy with the stutter, cleft palate, and stench of lynx africa mixed with odour of pissy pants

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
who is utterly incapable of understanding complex instructions like
please copy in colour
please reduce to A4 size
please stop staring at my tits and listen to the above
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
You can't expects miracles love
*stares at Swipey's tits*
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
Stop bein so meen to Adamfrisbeecunt

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
i've never been mean to anyone in my LIFE
i'm lovely, me
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Is that bollocks?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:18, Reply)
find me one example of me being mean
i bet you can't...

... sunshine, lollipops and rainbows...
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Yes dear
You assume I'll blindly agree in the face of contradictory evidence because of your breasts.

...damn.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:41, Reply)
and legs
don't forget the legs
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Refresh my memory
(in case this is too subtle, I'm asking for a filthy gaz)
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:46, Reply)
No, they're tits
You need to look at her tits, Darth
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:39, Reply)
mumblemumbleyesmissthassalovelyrackmumblemumble

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)
He can't work out why he hasn't progressed from that head of his training contract

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:55, Reply)
he hasn't worked out
how to use the shaft as well
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
ha
i had struggled to understand rory here.

you have made it clear.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:24, Reply)
New QCs?
You keep good company, I haven't been to one in a while.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
it is the one perk of being a litigator
it comes with a free ulcer
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
I wouldn't know. I'm merely pondlife here
Atm, I'm a shit litigator. A shitigator, if you will.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Wait, so you're NOT a QC?
I feel betrayed. I bet you're not a real frisbee either
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)
That kettle won't boil itself Adam

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
Pretty much every complaint I have at the moment is football-related
That, and the following, all of which could be considered my own fault to a certain extent;

- Beer has lots of calories
- So does tasty food
- Dancing is fucking difficult and my girlfriend is much better at it than me
- Telecommunications analysis is less interesting than playing Xbox

Probably some others I haven't thought of. It's not technically my fault, any more than it is everyone else's, that Michael McIntyre is still alive.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:38, Reply)
he appears to be a judge on Britain's Got Talent
Ironylols
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Hahahah

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Fucking hell, I know
Imagine being told you've got no talent by Michael fucking McIntyre. Having seen some of the first show of the series, it would appear they're punching a hole through the bottom of the barrel in terms of talent anyway.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:42, Reply)
I got called a cunt by Chris Evans
Chris Evans world renowned cunt called ME a cunt.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:45, Reply)
That's bad.
But not nearly as bad as if he said 'you're my kind of guy, I think you're great, le's be best friends', eh?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:52, Reply)
I would like to have sex with his ex wife
that's what best friends do right?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Yup.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Why?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
How long have you got?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:56, Reply)
It all started in the heady summer of 1982 ...

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
about 3.5 inches i'd say

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Like an unfolded paperclip

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
eeeeeeeeow

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Yeah
What did you do?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:57, Reply)
I was in the audience for a TV show looking bored because it was boring.
I had my arms crossed.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
Classic I am a cunt body language.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
I think this is the best post on here for weeks.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
*bows*

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:32, Reply)
*peeks down top*

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Fair enough.

I think Mr Evans was COMPLETELY within his rights.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Oh, well
he was right telling you off. You should have tried to look entertained, don't you know anything about tv?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
MM is on the telly MORE often than before.
Britain may have talent, he certainly doesn't. Unfunny cunt.

EDIT: Sorry 'Ape. Slow typing.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:42, Reply)
so apparently there is this website:
www.tubecrush.net

where people take illicit pics of hotties on the tube and then upload them.

is this cute or stalkerish? what would you do if you found yourself on there?

surely it would be worse NOT to be on there?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Men in Asia have been sent to prison for this sort of thing.
It's fucking grotesque and surely illegal?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 14:59, Reply)
That's the problem nowadays. It's so easy to take a photo of someone without their consent.
*doesn't mention collage of Monty pics covering hallway*
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Don't worry I'm used to that kind of thing.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
i did read somewhere that in japan
it is illegal for a mobile phone not to make a noise when you take a photo because of men taking pics up girls' skirts on the tube.

but then this is a nation where you can buy used pants...
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:01, Reply)
The fucking Japanese are well weird and this is coming from someone who likes weird.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Yeah
what's about bloody octopuses porn? What's wrong with that people?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
I think it's all the fish they eat.
Too much omega 3 has addled their brains.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Probably that
and the mercury that comes with the fish makes them crazy.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:26, Reply)
Oh yes! I forgot about the mercury.
That's what it is then.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:31, Reply)
You can buy spit from vending machines too.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
It's free all over the florr after a football game, silly japanese

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Yeah it's more than a bit creepy

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:05, Reply)
yes
yes it is.

BUT.

oh em gee you should see some of these guys.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
to my eternal shame
I'm having a quick browse. The guy on the second page (12th april) is hot
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
FOR SHAME.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:11, Reply)
*bows head*
FOREVER ALONE
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:13, Reply)
goddamit
i can't open it from here!

when i get home tonight (after cheeeese and wine evening), it will have to be inspected.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I thought you meant Youtube and got confused.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
If it was men taking pics of women, then the Loose Women team would be all over it

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:03, Reply)
... there's loads of equivalant sites
that are that way round
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
wait
is this for the gays?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:04, Reply)
nah, it's pervy girls unloading them
Although I'm sure teh gays could enjoy it as well
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
it may well be
because the 2 colleagues who told me about it are both gay.

however. the men on there.....

HOLY FREAKING SHIT there are some gorgeous men in london. they cannot all be gay.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:06, Reply)
oh they are honey
don't you know? sheesh
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Thanks.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:08, Reply)
I'm not gay either.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:09, Reply)
I don't understand this at all, Monty.
I am not even in London. The site is obviously broken.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
It's the only explanation, Kroners.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:38, Reply)
BOOM
peopleonthetube.tumblr.com/post/4050040011/blog-recommendation-of-the-day
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
This is better
peopleonthetube.tumblr.com/
It's more weird people, though.

Yours is just freaky.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:10, Reply)
i can't actually open mine :(
it was forwarded by a colleague from his iphone. when i tried to open it, it got barred for being "adult and pornographic"

:(
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:12, Reply)
There are some hot men, but not really my type.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
I'm pretty sure the 9th April person
is my cousin
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:19, Reply)
I find it unfair
as the hotties have to be men, and only those rated 8 or more are shown on the webpage. What would have the feminist said if it was only pictures of women?
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:15, Reply)
i do think kristine might be right....
..... it might for the gayers!
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
That would answer my question as to why all the men on there look gay.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:19, Reply)
They just look like Londoner's I'm afraid
I guess folk are more rough and ready oop North
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I do happen to prefer rough and ready but with the soul of a poet.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Google Sebastian Chabal
Animal on the pitch, philosopher and poet off it.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I know who that is : D
A bit too hairy for me.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:38, Reply)
me and all

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I think they're kind of cute
but none of them I think it's hot. I don't know... maybe the guy with the red t-shirt, all the others look very gay. In theory it's women uploading the pictures and rating them.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
I'd be alright with being found on there.
But then I am incredibly vain and shallow.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
One day about a month and a half ago..
I found out that I was being made redundant, that my second eldest had been given a place at the only secondary school in the area that wasn't part of the top three we picked and Man U lost to Chelsea in the evening.

Things have improved since then thankfully.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Obvious joke is obvious
So where are you from? "Not Manchester" doesn't really narrow it down
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:18, Reply)
I used to live in Manchester..
Grew up around the Midlands, now live in Northants.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:23, Reply)
Things haven't improved all that much, then.

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:24, Reply)
There's a place called Nobottle..
..near where I used to work. And Old. There may be more interesting facts about Northants just waiting to be discovered.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:28, Reply)
Wowsers!
Northampton has a higher immigrant population than any other town in the UK.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:35, Reply)
Northampton is an enormous shithole
I was trapped there for a week on a course. What a fucking nightmare.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:58, Reply)
it's no Twathats that's for sure

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Apologies, couldn't resist the chance to roll out the old "Man U fans aren't from Manchester" joke

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:40, Reply)
It's a classic for sure.
Here, I've got one..

I went to this shit zoo the other day and they had this one dog and, er...hang on a minute, I've got that wrong.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Hahaha
This is actually funnier than the joke to which you refer
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Man U?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:25, Reply)
were you the one with the beer can joke yesterday evening?
it made me laugh to no end
in fact I'm still laughing
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Does it involve Jamicans?

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Yes, that's the one..
.. I think I first heard Vic Reeves using it.
(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I love that joke, hard to type a jamacan accent though

(, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 15:40, Reply)

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