I cannot be bothered to go through the weekend's nonsense,
so sorry if this has been covered but either
a) well done Al for running your race, hope you won, or
b) HA HA you dropped out with a hernia HA HA

I read this morning that some little girl was on 'The X Factor' on the weekend singing a cover of 'Beverley Knight's Piece of my Heart'. I'm pretty sure the Janis Joplin version I have - the Janis Joplin who died in 1970 - is not even the original but I may be wrong. It seems that in true 'The X Factor' fashion, Beverley Knight really has 'made the song her own' eh? Or the homosexuals who write for 'Metro' are ignorant cretins who can't even work a Google for shit, eh?

In other news, Stunned poster is a seriously good cook, and my pal Yeti has been throwing up blood for two days and they don't know why.

What's in your diary for this week?
Alt: highlight of your weekend (LOLing about '9/11' aside)?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:20, 188 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Alt: when Lusty suggested we kill Stunned poster by inducing a diabetic coma
by putting 40 sugars in his tea, so that we could nick his house.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:22, Reply)

I like this

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

hey Monts
Going to have to drop out of your bash. Can't afford the rail ticket.

Sorry dudezilla.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:26, Reply)

Do wot guv?
Seriously?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:27, Reply)

srsly.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:32, Reply)

Lame, dude. Laaaaame.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:33, Reply)

sorry bbz.
I am sailing very close to the wind as it is.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:36, Reply)

This is an area I have some experience of myself.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:37, Reply)

then you will of course forgive me.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Never mind,
I'll play a 'Sadcore' medley and have a minute's silence for you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:41, Reply)

play some Liquid Liquid instead.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:44, Reply)

Infinitely more likely.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:45, Reply)

good man.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Considered a coach?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:56, Reply)

MEGABUS!!!

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)

never, too many proles

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Have you been on a train recently?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

the ones i seem to get are quite nice...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

YES !
That helps out the ratios nicely.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Quiet week for me, I think
I'm a bit pissed off though, due to something stupid I've done. I was in Leeds this weekend, and picked up a few bits of shopping, as I knew the shops would be closed by the time I got home. About 20 minutes after we left Leeds to go home, my friend phones me, and informs me I've left my shopping there. Now, it's not the end of the world, but that's £15 gone to waste I really could have done without having to spend again.

Alt: Seeing a couple of friends I've not seen in over a year, that was nice.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Get those friends to bring you £15 worth of shopping when they visit YOU
Greet them at the door with "where's my fucking hoummus then, you cunts?"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Not going to be seeing them for months, sadly
It's not the end of the world, just an irritation, considering I'm on a rather limited budget!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

This week is fuck all until Saturday then I'm heading down to london for a gig.
Might stay until sunday dunno yet.
Highlight of the weekend, nice slow roast pork last night... didn't really do much though.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Who are you seeing on Saturday?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Just a mates band at the Monto water rats
Apparently it's an awful place but I've never been.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:01, Reply)

At Kings Cross?
It's small and a little grotty but not too bad. It's one of the venues all bands have to play at when they're on the circuit, like the Bull & Gate in Kentish Town.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Yeah that's the one, I heard it's overpriced and dirty
but that describes nearly every gig venue i've ever been to.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Also describes the Milton Keynes crackwhores, though
So you'll have some experience coping.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Diary for this week is empty except for work,
This actually makes me happy.

Alt: Visiting Dover Castle, Richborough Castle, Deal Castle, and Battle Abbey over my 4 day weekend. I'm all castled out.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 8:58, Reply)

Nice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Massive Monday morning blues
probably due to spending all day Saturday in the pub and all day drinkning at Lord's yesterday.

Off to Dorset for a few days at the end of the week, where I will sleep lots.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I have been in my new place just over a week now
the sole concession I have made to unpacking is to dump all of my clothes in to a big heap on the floor. This week I will be attempting to rectify this state of affairs, because I'm fed up of living arse deep in boxes and not being able to find anything.
(berk, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

This week I will be mainly catching up on sleep and watching football
As I fitted a months worth of cool (to me) stuff into my weekend, from Rugby to Legoland via Baby Wants Candy and Salvador & Amanda's Tapas bar, all the new DC Comics, Andy Murray winning then losing and a late night catch up on Dr Who last night.

So excuse me while I curl up under my desk for a nap now.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)

This week I will be mostly sorting out shit from work and running
Alt:

My "rock and roll" life led me to Pets at Home to look at buying a new goldfish *sobs*. I also built an excellent Thomas the Tank Engine track for the kids. Please kill me now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

*devil horns*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

*Adds rubber stoppers to tips to avoid injury*
*fails at life*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I'm just generally fed up and down. Meh!
Went to see Troll hunter which wasn't as expected but ok. Greenwich park and the planatarium were good.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)

Hi Blousie, lets have a big squidgy internet hug to cheeer us both up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:11, Reply)

*hugz*
Thanks apey. I needed that.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Me too sweet heart, me too
the weather doesn't help i think, especially up your way today
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Now you have an inappropriate semi.
Disgusting.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

A semi with blousie is never inappropriate

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

It's more an end-terrace

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Sorry I didn't get to see you.
Greenwich Park is very pleasant, isn't it? Couple of decent pubs too. For S London it's almost acceptable as an area.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

It is yes. Fantastic views at the top. We perused the markets and had a lovely dinner.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Study for most of the time,
a friend is coming over tonight, and then on Friday after dance class I'll be going home for a week, which I'm hugely excited about.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)

I didn't win
but I did finish, thanks to lots of excellent support from CHCB.

I'm quite dehydrated at teh moment, my urine has the colour and texture of motor oil (before it's been in the motor, it's not that bad)
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Good work.
Push anyone over?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Nah, I didn't need to, there were quite a few people lying on the ground not moving as we ran past
turns out someone died as well.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:22, Reply)

No doubt as a tribute to '9/11'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

They should rename "9/11" to "9/=" because the two towers fell down.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

They fucking should.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

911, 9//, 9=

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I'm tempted to put this as my facebook status
but some people have NO sense of humour about the death of 3000 people. Tcha!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)

The queers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Yes, I pushed al over the edge beyond his comfort zone.
I'm a terrible real life bully.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Good for you Al.
Acceptable time for finish?
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Yes very,
We did it in 2hour 26minutes and 1 second. I was initially hoping we would get a sub 2.5 hour time, but in the last three miles I threw all hope of that out the window.

CHCB kept telling me we were still on track for less than 2.5 hours, but I thought she was just lying to make me feel better.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I was a second faster than you then, according to the official time.
It wasn't intentional, I swear.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Hahah! like hell you weren't.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Isn't 2 hr 26 min less than 2.5 h by 4 min?
also, well done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

That's exactly what I thought
But I thought it was perhaps some kind of early Monday morning trick to make me look foolish.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Yes it is
Which is why I was pleased. I wanted to get a time below two and a half hours, but near the end I thought I wouldn't as I was getting slower and slower, but it turns out we'd gone fast enough near the start to make up for it.

So I was pleased.

Christ, do people always have to explain everything to you in such a level of detail?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

it was the bit where you said (or at least implied) you hadn't done it in under 2.5hrs that caused confusion.
"I was initially hoping we would get a sub 2.5 hour time, but in the last three miles I threw all hope of that out the window"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

That's exactly what I thought

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Well I can't be held responsible for the fact that you bunch of witless spastics can't follow a conversation.
BGB: Acceptable time?
Me: Yes [it was an acceptable time], 2hr26min [the acceptable time] I didn't think I would do it that fast [explanation of why I was pleased with my acceptable time] I had thrown out all hope of getting that time [further information that although I had wanted a sub 2.5hour time during the last three miles I thought I couldn't possibly make it]

I thought CHCB was lying to me [yet more information as to why I thought I couldn't possibly achieve sub 2.5hours which is why achieving it was so pleasing to me]
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Or rather, we can't be held responsible for the fact that you inexplicably failed to include all the text in brackets above.
thus rendering your statement contradictory at best.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I'm sorry Badger, do you normally require crib notes for life?
It's just that, as a high flying academic, one would expect you to be able to understand the obvious implications which I highlighted above.

The fact that I started off with my actual finishing time, the "key point" if you will, is what clearly indicates that the remaining information was designed to inform why I didn't think I was going to achieve this.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

then the remaining information you provided spectularly failed to inform.
As a "high flying academic" (whatever one of those is) part of my job is to teach people to express information clearly and without ambiguity. I'm sure I could recommend someone more geographically convenient who could provide this service to you?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Just becuase you're too busy having your clothes adjusted to read it properly and understand it
doesn't mean it fails to inform.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

textbook fallback there, sir.
textbook.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

No, I think it's "becuase" of your poor education.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

As my learned colleague above pointed out
"I was initially hoping we would get a sub 2.5 hour time, but in the last three miles I threw all hope of that out the window."

Are you foreign, or just a mong?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

See above.
Since I stated what I did actually achieve, the following comment was a reason why I was surprised and pleased with the result.

Which is why you are the mong.

And probably a forrin to boot.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

The description of your achievements read like it had been written by a 8 year old Somalian
with learning difficulties.

It is therefore not the fault of the reader when they cannot make head nor tail of it.

You flid.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

I think the confusion was caused by your misplaced "but"
Would have made more sense as:
We did it in 2hour 26minutes and 1 second. I was initially hoping we would get a sub 2.5 hour time.

In the last three miles I threw all hope of that out the window, but CHCB kept telling me we were still on track for less than 2.5 hours. I thought she was just lying to make me feel better.

I'm sure an edit and a personal apology gazzed to Mighto and Fisty would clear this whole sorry mess up.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

* awaits gaz *

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

What will you talk about on here now?
Seriously though well, done I am suitably impressed*

*pending time confirmation of under 6 hours
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

I will talk about the next one I'm going to do in Brighton next February.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Totally signing up for that.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

How are your toenails?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

One of them has gone purple.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Ewwww
As predicted, when I got up this morning to go to the lav I nearly pitched headlong into the door as my legs decided they didn't like the idea of using stairs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Yeah, I've had the stairs problem too.
I'm going to go for a run to loosen up a bit.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Oh man, this weekend has been well busy for me, I :-
- Asked out a girl to get turned down, and got over it.
- Invented mustard and cheese croissants
- invented peantbutter and nutella and banana and nuts (verious combination) croisonts
- Saw a flat that I think I possibly will buy
- Hooked our main website platform into the oAuth system to allow deep twitter intrigation with the view to later on allowing single-click logins and activity publication within our social network to external forces.
- I got that new StarFox video game
- Got clinical depression and then fixed it.
- Masturbated to the mental image of being on Lorain Kelly's show, in the staff kitchens, on top of the dishwasher.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

We also saw some bands on Saturday night.
One of which was the lead singer of this band who we first thought was a random drug/drunkard.

www.televisionpersonalities.co.uk/

Everyone seemed entranced by him but he was bloody awful. Me and CQ thought it was some sort of joke at first.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Crow and I saw him supporting Spacemen 3.
He was a well-known face on the late 80s gig circuit - he was, and still is, shit and a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

He really is idescribably shit isn't he?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

We both just sat there completely flummoxed as to why he was on stage.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

That cunt has (at times) made a living from that shit.
No justice.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

I think the idea is that he's endearingly rubbish,
as opposed to the reality, which is that he's so shit he makes one want to drown kittens.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

Just availability of kittens and proximity to water makes you want to drown kittens.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Getting up in the morning makes me etc.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

We actually had to leave without finishing our drinks, he was that crap.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

No-one is that crap, surely?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

You didn't hear it cow.
Nauseatingly bad.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Oh man, they do that True Colours song, I love that one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Just let them shine through Gonz

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I like the intro do do do do bit.
I wonder if they do that What If God Was One Of Us song? I like that one too. I like listening to them on the bus at night with the christmas lights of oxford street with all the people doing their christmas shopping, dressed in their winter clothes all warm, ignoring the homeless man with his dog who just wants 20p so he can get a cup of coffee, or 75p so he can get a cup of tea and a buiscit (of which he'll give half to his dog)... all those people spending 100s or even 1000s, with all their shopping and smiles and warm cashmire jumpers, who can't spare a quid, and look at the homeless man in the cold, with discust and resentment.... and what _would_ god think of us if he could see that?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

God hates the homeless, fact. he thinks that they all smell of piss

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I'm with God on this one.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I don't see why they don't all just get jobs like a normal people. Feckless lazy so-and-sos, always sitting about the street doing fuck all while I'm struggling to buy...
... a double shot skinny machimochiaritico with caramel.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I thought 'God' was omnipresent?
And therefore the fact that he's there, watching it (and probably LOLing) means he's a bit of a cunt. Or would be if he wasn't merely the invention of cavemen scared of thunder.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I didn't know such development would cause rifts and jealousy
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly
You see, I wasn't really the creater, I was just the curator of nature
I want to get something straight with homosexuals right now: I don't hate ya
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to wield such powers
I just laid the ground, it was You that built the towers

Read more: artists.letssingit.com/dan-le-sac-vs-scroobius-pip-lyrics-letter-from-god-to-man-31pmwdx#ixzz1Xj5M3BZX
LetsSingIt - Your favorite Music Community
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

And if Scroobius Pip told you to jump off a cliff would you do that?
You fancy him, don't you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

He told me not to watch hollyoaks, I still do.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

It's the scraggly beard that does it for him

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

*panic-strickenly shaves immediately*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I blame Allah

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

*burns effigy of Nakers*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Makes a change from my house anyway

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

*burns house as well*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

*shakes hands*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2344
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

CQ and I

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

You were out with him as well?
He never said.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I'd rather...
Give me a while to think on this one...
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

not?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I was thinking more "race al to the salad bar"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Highlight?
My life is so exciting that I think the highlight was eating Paneer Chettinad and Medu Vadai from The Best Indian Chef Ever^TM. The rest of the weekend was spent making shit with Lego.

Sounds as though your man Yeti has got AIDS. Sorry to be the bearer...etc.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)

You really shouldn't eat lego

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Some of it really hurts on the way out

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Cyrus Todiwala from Cafe Spice Namaste?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Umashanker Balakrishnan from the Indian Empress

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Poor bloke.
He wouldn't have lasted five minutes at my school with a name like 'Umashanker'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Uma uma uma shanker
Uma uma uma shanker
Uma uma uma shanker
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

lasted five minutes at been admitted to
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I used to work with an Indian guy called Hermal Dikshit

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

You should send that to funny name corner
+n't
Perhaps Esther Rantzen might be interested...?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I like this.
He, I suspect, like this slightly less.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

Today I start moving to Wales, once the wind dies down and I get out of bed.
Although I need a pooh do may get up now.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)

I recognise some of these words.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

More having a shit and moving to shit countries stories as they happen

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Highlight of my weekend
was re-roofing and painting my garden shed, just in time for the hurricane to turn it into matchsticks later today.

This week I have feck all in my diary. Party on.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

I went to a car boot sale.
Loads of DVDs, tea lights and fake designer watches.
It was worth crawling out of my pit in the earlies of Sunday.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I hate Car boot sales with a passion
i really don't want to buy stuff that some prole has decided isn't good enough for their attic
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

^Snob^

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

and?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

Whilst I agree in principle (and have therefore never been to one)
they are great places to buy rare records for pence, apparently.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Rare records? Or the shite that even charity shops won't take?*
*Hasn't actually been to a car boot sale either
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Both.
5,000 scratched Jim Reeves LPs and then someone's son's records from the 60s that have been in the loft for 20 years and include a first edition of Led Zeppelin 1 ect.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Sadly naïve record sellers are getting fewer and further between since the advent of eBay
Even sadder is the fact that I still occasionally trawl through the 5,000 Jim Reeves LPs in the hope there is a hidden gem amongst them.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

This is true.
But you can still pick up bargains.
I bought a Chinese vase for 2 quid, it's been valued at £300. And it's always worth rooting through the vinyl.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:22, Reply)

i picked up an EMI Sex Pistols 7" for 20p once.
Worth a fortune.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:10, Reply)

Define "fortune"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Enough money to feel a Somalian family for two days.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

So 20p, then?

( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

18p.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

What? Those chuggers made me pay 20p, the robbing cunts.
Pure profiteering, it is. I'm livid.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I blame the Jews.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

You usually do, old boy.

( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I'm seldom wrong.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I'll back the Egyptians up on this one.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

How much do Somalian families (is that like Sylvanian Families?) Charge to get felt for 2 days?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Sorry, it was the A and M one.
I sold it for just short of 5 grand.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

OK, that is a fortune
Good work.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Starting from Friday I:
Memorised Katakana and watched CHCB and Al smash out the Bristol half marathon. It was rather inspiring, so I might take up running myself and see about the Brighton half marathon.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

You healthy cunts make me SICK.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Running for the sake of running is astoundingly bent.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

You should at least shoplift something first
to make it worth your while.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

This^
If you want to get somewhere in a hurry, get a bike. if you have to run you have failed.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

running is acceptable as a part and parcel of another activity.
or to escape from lions.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I don't know some people enjoy it I don't see the problem.
That's like saying eating is only acceptable as a means to keep you alive.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Oh, fuck off with your reason.
This is b3ta. If I want to be irrationally and pointlessly critical of another's activity of choice then I will do.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

They could be practising at escaping from lions, you know.
If you do ever need to escape from them, you want to be good at it.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

As has been mentioned many times before
you don't need to run faster than the lions, just faster than whoever you're with. As I'm a comfortably faster runner than 90% at least of the population, I'm happy I'm good enough at it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That does make the assumption that you'll be running in a crowd, though.
Which would be fine in an urban zoo situation. What if you get lost in Kenya though, have you considered THAT?
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You'd just wait for the somali bandits to turn up
*TOPICALOLZ!*
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

In my rather limited experience of Kenya
you're never outside spitting distance of a busload of fat Germans with heavy cameras.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Well in MY rather limited experience of Kenya,
you're gay.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

That's the slamdunk, right there.
*acknowledges Kroney's victory*
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:44, Reply)

*takes a bow*
*pats self on back*
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

What if you're alone
because all the people you're with are sick of your inability to understand what they are saying to you without long and prolonged explanations?

That and you keep trying to have their suits adjusted by tailors.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

You'd still be following me round, though, begging for attention.
So I'd only need to outrun you. Which isn't going to be a challenge.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I find the idea of begging for your attention laughable
since I have accurately predicted when you are going to pop up and stick your oar in on numerous occasions already.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

Have you really?
Oh, well done.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

My weekend starts on Thursday and carries on until Monday 26th. Woo holiday!
So I'm not going to be around much, which no doubt most of you will be proper upset over. I guess Bobby will be happy though, which is something.

Try not to cry too much, though, I promise I'll be supporting your onilne beakering in spirit, if not in body.

Part of my holiday will be spent in York, which I am very much looking forward to. Going to drive up there via the A1 and then onto Ermine Street, because I'm a history nerd. Then it's food fairs and Vikings and shit. Bonza.

The weekend after that there's some party or something. I said I'd go, but I don't really like the host, so I'm not sure.
( Kroney, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

People Who write for the metro do not know shit about shit.
My week is work and not much else (apart from probably going to a geeky Sceptic's thing tomorrow). I am feeling tired and gloomy, the weather is grey and not a lot fun is happening for me between now and the next bash. Oh, and I'm a bit skint. Not interesting, "might as well live like Monty because I'm so far in debt I have nothing to loses" skint, more "I've got little or no spare cash 'til pay-day once I've bought food and other essentials so no money for fun" skint.

Alt: The Weekend on the other hand was good hand a good wander around Greenwich, picked up some conkers with which to teach my son the Noble Art, saw a decent film, which (unintentionally) did the work of the Norwegian Tourist Board for it, and saw 2 good bands and one shit one, as covered before.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

The restaurant critic (Marina O'Loughlin) seems to know her stuff.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

She's one of the best kept secrets in the restaurant critic world
nobody seems to know who she is.

Apparently.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I reckon you should get BGB to move in with you so you two can come 'round more often.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

He hasn't room to swing a cat never mind me.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

That's perfect, I got a big spare room.
You two move in with me, I have a new flatmate, you two get to live together.... everyone, but especially me, wins.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

More importantly, we don't want to live together.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Even better, I have two rooms, I can get more rent money if you take one each.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I was listening to Radio 5 Live this morning
and their sound engineer managed to completely filter out the sound of Nicky Campbell sucking off the BPI representative* during an interview about extending copyright. The whole thing was about giving artists an income in their 70s, not a single mention of how much of the extra royalties will go to the label and how much to the artist.

After that he interviewed a bloke from the banks about how new legislation to stop banks being such stupid fucking cunts would increase our mortgages. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BBC I KNOW ITS NOT R4 BUT YOU COULD AT LEAST PRETEND TO BE NEWS
*Mike Batt of Wombles song fame
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

My next door neightbour works for the PRS
trufax

He is off to the Mobo awards soon to get royally pissed for free and try and feel up Beyonce/other artist who I probably haven't heard of
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)