Out of the mouths of babes
What is the strangest thing that anyone has ever said to you?

Alt:
Dunno, something about food
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:45, 116 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I can't really remember anything that strange being said to me.
A pissed up glaswegian wanted half of my fag the other week, I offered him a whole one and he said no he just wanted my half. I didn't want to share with him and he called me a cunt.
What's up with that?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:50, Reply)

*Something about wanting to get his hands on your butt*

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Does Chompy only have one cheek?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Yes, but it's broken.
It's got a big crack in it.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

And a big hole too.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)

pfft

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

Glaswegians being tight?
Mrs Cow talks in her sleep sometimes

This is excellent as she is obviously menkle.

She woke up and accused me of drawing on the ceiling in pencil a while ago then got really pissed off when I laughed at her
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:53, Reply)

i dont know, im sick, my brain isnt functioning properly
Alt I made lasagne for the first time the other night. It wasn't that good.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)

I've only made lasagne once
It was OK. I want to make a different version from the classic though. Spotted a recipe which used roast sweet potato as a layer, which sounds good
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:54, Reply)

that sounds like shit

( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:56, Reply)

Why is that?
Sweet potato is fucking nom
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)

yeah but lasagne ought to just be meat and cheese and red sauce
No room for fucking sweet potatos here
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:01, Reply)

/pendantic
Lasagne refers to the pasta sheets
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:02, Reply)

...and therefore replacing them with sweet potato slices isn't wrong?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Sweet potato would be a filling layer

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

really?
that would be fucking odd. Carbohydrate separated by layers of carbohydrate. A bit like a mashed potato sandwich.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:07, Reply)

Not tried it as yet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Or a chip butty
oh wait...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:18, Reply)

fuck, yeah.
That's flaw i'd not thought of.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:44, Reply)

Like beans on toast?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:44, Reply)

I suspect the carb part
ie, just the beans, no sauce, might be a bit odd, yeah.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:45, Reply)

I had sweet potatoes, mashed with butter and black pepper for dinner.
With Quorn cottage pie, and green beans. Excellent.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

Quorn?
You disgust me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:04, Reply)

Not really
I add onions, peppers and mushrooms to mine, as well as tomoatoes (or does that count as the sauce?)

I love roasted sweet potatoes, but I'm not a fan of them mashed.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

gawd
I meant layers, do you have entire layers of each of those?
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I think they would be in the "meat" layers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

I just make the bolognaise
Then stick it into a tray, seperating with layer of pasta and cheese sauce.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

This is the easiest way

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Before topping it with shedloads of cheese, black pepper and Lea & Perrins.
NOM
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)

NO KIDDING
Sometimes I don't miss this place at all.
( Lisette von Falcon, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Jeez

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

you can put anything you like in it
unless you're claming it's an authentic lasagne bolognaise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

"Thats dirty,
and possibly illegal", meh.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:53, Reply)

In response to what?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:55, Reply)

Guess.
Go on, guess.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)

Fly tipping

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)

Well done!
*Applause and manly handshakes*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:02, Reply)

vanessa redgrave

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:02, Reply)

I believe she was in a movie where she got her minge out.
I'm at work, so can't Google it. Thankfully.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

I bet it looked like a burst badger.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Haha!
Good imagery
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Year 9
Her: "You're just a fucking sycophant!"
Me: "What does that mean?"
Her: "I DON'T KNOW!"

That was quite bizarre.

Alt: I'm considering making meatballs this week, with mince, italian herb mix, salt, pepper and breadcrumbs. Is there anything else I should consider adding?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:03, Reply)

no breadcrumbs.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:04, Reply)

This^
Fridge them after making so they hold together better
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

Use an ice-cream scoop for perfect balls
or a melon baller for mini meat balls
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I like this
Good plan
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Or use and ice-cube tray for meat cubes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

use a ginger bread man cookie cutter to make your own meat man

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:12, Reply)

Best idea yet

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:15, Reply)

bender

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:16, Reply)

Eastender

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:18, Reply)

Use your hands and don't be such a queer

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

^ FACT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

egg, to hold them together
a small ball of mozerella in the middle
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)

as above.
You shouldn't need egg or bread in meatballs or burgers. Mozarella is a win, though.

Mix mince with pork mince for a better flavour, too.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

Chilli flakes

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:07, Reply)

This is tempting...

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Very finely chopped shallot?
Just a touch though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Some lemon zest, and a little chopped red chilli

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:08, Reply)

I have some excellent green curry sauce made
I shall thaw it out and consume with king prawns on Friday I think
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)

Lemon zest?
Seems a bit odd...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Feel free not to take my excellent advice.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

No no, I'm not denying it
I'm simply curious how you came across this idea?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:17, Reply)

No idea.
Probably from a recipe book.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:46, Reply)

Semen

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:22, Reply)

Try mincing into it some chopped up chicken livers

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:24, Reply)

What a waste of nice chicken livers.
Why not try flash frying them in some nice hot oil and then serve in a rocket, lettuce and beetroot stalk salad as a starter.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:40, Reply)

Chopped chicken livers in a Bolognase
sauce is nice.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:49, Reply)

You're a cracking cook.
And an accomplished rapist, but we'll let that slide.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:52, Reply)

That is the accomplished part
Getting the slide
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:53, Reply)

With little or no lubrication.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

There are loads of things you can do with them...
I like them with pasta and a bit of mayo/mustard/juices... But they go well with minced meat and are well cheap.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:00, Reply)

'I don't believe in giraffs, but I am quite scared of werewolves'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)

Newcastle Metro platform:
Man accidently bumps into local NED,

'Eh fuck you' says NED 'I'll fuck you up'

'You and whose army?' Man repplies.

'Do you know who my dad is?' questions NED aggresively

'No...do you?'replies man
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:07, Reply)

We don't have NEDs in Newcastle
Only charvas
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)

Sorry I've only been twice and i stayed in Jesmond

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)

Nice place Jesmond

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:13, Reply)

Can't think of anything off hand
alt: I just burnt my finger attempting to cook some chicken. Any ideas to take the pain away- water isn't helping at all?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:25, Reply)

Aloe Vera is excellent
Every kitchen should have one on the windowsill.

or you could chop off your finger
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:26, Reply)

Just chop off another finger, it'll distract you.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:27, Reply)

Arnica if you've got any
or just keep it cool and it'll go away within the hour.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:27, Reply)

No arnica, but am keeping it in water

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:28, Reply)

That's all you can do really

(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:33, Reply)

It's so fucking painful
I walked to the pharmacist still with it in water, and they told me it was probably a second degree burn from the severity and there was nothing they could give me, the bastards
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

What exactly did you do?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Cooked chicken in a very hot oven
hand slipped and touched the baking tray as I was lifting it out
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

Sounds serious

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

poor beast
that sucks. very cold water, keep changing it, will fix it. i got the most horrific burn on my ankle at uni when i got boiling water all over it. it took the useless hospital so long to get anyone to look at me that it spent about 5 hours in cold water, and actually i think that was the best thing that could have happened - there's not even the tiniest scar!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:20, Reply)

I was told last week that fats are better than water in this case
Maybe a little vegetable oil?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:28, Reply)

You cruel bastard
why would you want to hurt her more?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:32, Reply)

Why would that hurt her more?
I dont mean hot oil!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:33, Reply)

Ok cow, listen.
If you read any guidance at all on how to deal with burns, the one thing they will all have in common is that they advise against applying any gels, creams or oils and instead just run it under water for a prolonged period of time.

Adding oil is the worst thing you can do as it simply helps the skin to cook itself.

Please don't ever put oil on your kids when they burn themselves.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:39, Reply)

*duly noted*
I humbly apologise to all concerned
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:40, Reply)

plus, oil's got about half the heat capacity of water
so it'll only be half as good at cooling down the burn.

You can use ice instead of water if you are really careful but it might be more trouble than it's worth.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:44, Reply)

They cool down nuclear reactors with water.
If it's good enough for that then I think it's the best thing to use for a burnt finger.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:47, Reply)

Also another little hint.
If you bang or knock yourself then rub the affected area for a while. I believe it confuses the pain receptors and lessens the pain.
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:49, Reply)

We got taught that on a sports injury course
Something to do with the sensation of pressure overcoming the sensation of pain, as far as the brain is concerned, I think.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:59, Reply)

Hats how a TENS machine works, and they're great.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Ah! did not know that.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Not in France
topicallols
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:49, Reply)

Not too much though
/Fukoshima
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:49, Reply)

I keep reading this as 'farts are better than water'

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:35, Reply)

*** LOL COMEDY WEBSITE COMEDIC CONFUSION LOL ***

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:38, Reply)

It is true

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:38, Reply)

After Sun.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:39, Reply)

Vodka

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 14:41, Reply)

New thread please!!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

urrrrrrgh
soooo i am a moron who did not get around to renewing my car tax on time. in my defence, i didn't get the reminder until sat morning, as the postman put it through next door's letterbox and they only got back from holiday on sat, but i should have realised when it ran out. new tax disc duly ordered and paid for... but... some bastard miserable cunt of a copper spent his time yesterday giving me a £100 fine. i have never had points, never hit anyone, never not had insurance or paid tax on time before, generally been a very good and responsible girl. and this is how they reward one tiny little 10 day mistake?

humph. i will be appealing it. just need to work out some spurious legal reason........

..... point being that then it will be ME saying something strange. and implausible.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:12, Reply)

Time of the month?
Will that hold up in court?
( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

i doubt it
esp if i get a female judge. i'll just go for the "i'm soooo sorry, it's my first ever mistake and i had already paid before you gave me the fine, please don't make me have to pay it, you've already robbed me of nearly £300 just to keep the fucking thing on the road, to say nothing of what i pay in fuel duty, vat etc........"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:18, Reply)

even a male judge should kick that out,
it's a rubbish excuse
(DeeDee, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:25, Reply)

Women have done stranger things than forgot to renew their road tax whilest bleeding.

( girlinthehole, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:32, Reply)

True.
Not sure what menstruating has to do with it though. It's like a teenage girl using it as an excuse to get out of PE. Lame. And it does a disservice to those who genuinely suffer with their periods.
(DeeDee, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I don't know, it's probably wise if they're doing gymnastics
She might take an unfortunate tumble on the horse and spray blood all over her classmates.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:41, Reply)

A few years ago, before smoking was outlawed in pubs,
my friend and I wandered into the Green Man to find a man remonstrating with the barmaid. The pub had put up a small sign asking patrons not to smoke at the bar, with which this particular patron had obviously taken issue. There were plenty of other places in the pub that he could have gone with his cigarette, but no, he wanted to smoke it at the bar. Trying her best not to lose her rag with this objectionable specimen, she eventually just told him (politely) to finish his drink and leave while she tried to serve us.

Not content with this outcome, the surly customer turned to us,
"Do you smoke?" he asked,
"No," my friend replied, "but I do work in a pub, and it's not particularly nice having customers blow smoke in your face; I can see why they put the sign up."
"But you don't smoke yourself?"
"No."
"Oh, so it's like talking to a mackerel in a pond?"

We were slightly taken aback by this somewhat non-linear approach to argument, to say the least. This was, however, not the strangest thing this man said to us.

After a moments' confused pause, my friend thought he'd outwitted this chap when he came back with,
"You won't find mackerel in ponds. They're saltwater fish."
And then, deciding that his unique style of counter-argument would be more useful at this juncture, this chap just ruffled his feathers and said,
"Yeah, well it's like saying 'mackerel eat strawberries,' isn't it? That's what that sign says to me: 'mackerel eat strawberries.'"

We told him he was just being silly now, and found a table at the other end of the pub.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 12 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)