Ok, so, this christmas, I get to do the starter, there are a couple of rules though.
1) It can't be anything messy on the day, not use up too many hobs or oven bits'n'bobs.

I'm thinking of doing scallops on a bed of some kind of puree, as that always goes down well when I cook it for people. I can do celeriac and bacon, pea and mint or butternut squash with honey/chili/cumin.

One thing that I'm thinking of making, the day before, would be to roast some butternut squash with a bit of honey, chili and cumin. Then making some pasta and stuffing it with the puree, so on the day I just have to boil it for 4-5 minutes. I'll have to make sure to use lots of selonima to stop it sticking. I was thinking of making 3 of these squares each, with a butterflied king scallop on top that has been dusted with a pinch of curry powder and griddle panned really hot and quick.... I think it'll be good enough in a show-off kind of way, and taste really nice, and it'll be really quick in terms of what I have to do on the day. It also won't be that expensive for me.

Or I might do a pea'n'mint puree in the shell, and do 3 scallops in the shell. That would be much much easier, and still really tasty. It's not really autermy/christmy though.

Do you have any ideas that I could do for the starter this christmas?

ALT: What's on your bucket list for 2012 ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 10:57, 197 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I usually do paté for starter
but that's because I like paté. I hadn't actually given much, if any, thought as to what Christmas dinner starter will be this year, but I can tell you what mains and dessert I'm making, if you like?
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Yes please, I would like that very much.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Wild boar pot roast in calvados
with dauphinoise potatoes and some other bits and bobs, and christmas pudding ice cream for afters.
I'm doing the Christmas eve buffet as well (I have almost entirely ousted my mother from her kitchen this year and she's not very happy about it) but I haven't decided what I'm doing for it yet.
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

That sounds beyond lush, it really does, the kind of meal where you have to undo your top trouser button afterwards.
For the buffet, what's really nice is to steam (or 3/4 boil) and then shallow fry some kind of stuffed pasta, and then drizzle some heated up garlic/chili oil. Try giving it a shot sometime before the big day to see if it's to your tastes. You get really nice crispy bits, works well as finger food.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I could make pasta for the buffet, my ravioli were nice
but not having a pasta rolling machine makes it a right effort. I'm more a beef-and-watercress-puree on blinis kind of girl.
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

ahh, I was thinking of getting a good pre-made one, for this...the waitrose stuffed pasta is really good.
You're right, even with a pasta rolling machine, the last thing you want to do is dedicate so much time to just one dish when you've got to do the whole buffet _and_ meal next day.

Beef and watercress puree on bilinis sounds awesome, maybe get some horseraddish in there too? One of the very 'in' things this season is cured venison. How about some home cured gravalax?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Horseradish mayo, perhaps
a kick but not a zing, oherwise it'd be too much with the watercress. I may actually try gravadlax this year. I saw a recipe for it in Hugh whatsitface's book.
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I like this and have clicked accordingly
Sounds fucking excellent!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Fags
Non-smokers can have some Nicorette Gum or something.

Alt: 1) Make bucket list...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Your idea of scallops sounds very good to me. They do well with chilli.
ALT: have at least 4 long weekends away (one of which must be in Cornwall).
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

0o0o0oh, I really wanna go Brighton again, it's a magical place by the ocean.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

magical place by the ocean bit grubby, but has a certain charm.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

bit grubby, but has a certain charm. is full of raging homos.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

The last time I was in Brighton I went for a jog along the prom
and was quite startled to find a bloke sitting on a bench, bell-end out, wanking like a chimp. I have not returned
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

It's okay DG is going back up north later today - you'll be safe now if you go back.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

*leaves North East to be safe*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Yeah, soz about that.
You know what it's like when the urge overcomes you...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

I was nearly over CAME
That was the problem
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I have found I am more relaxed if I have several long weekends away rather than one two week holiday. I get bored after 4 days.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

^this

( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Sounds about right
I use most of my holiday from work as afternoons off through out the year with a few long weekends. Hooray for flexitime.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I've been to Hastings and I've been to Brighton....

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I've been to paradise
But I have never been to me.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Prawn cocktail was always the starter for Christmas in the 'cow household
I shall not be changing this tradition but may do the prawns and possibly scallops hot now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I did prawn cocktail last year, it was greatly recieved, not a drop was left.
My secret is horseraddish in the sauce.

How about adding a bit of lobster for everyone?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I'd do, pate with toast melba,
or just good smoked salmon with brown bread and gerkins.
Nothing too heavy.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

That sounds good for a nibble pre/post dinner, rather than an actual starter, I think.
I wouldn't be upset if I got that, but I want something with a bit more 'wow' factor.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

We're going out for Christmas dinner.
Alt: A new bucket.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

I think we have (counts) 7 for Christmas dinner
I'll be doing turkey and pork as per
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

It's only my dad who's fussed about a proper chrismas dinner.
The rest of us would be happy with anything. I actually tend to drink and eat less at Christmas, than more.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

I'm not a big fan of a Sunday roast dinner but Christmas dinner is excellent!
I love making it. I like to make the cranberry sauce too
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

ugh really? talking about fucking christmas in mid November?
ugh ugh you should serve vomit in a bucket wrapped with tinsel
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Less than six weeks away now, you know...

(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Christmas = SHITMAS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Christmas = PISS-ASS.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Is that not tangles?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Hanging on by a thread, sporto

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

SHART on

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

Chin up grinchy-poos, christmas is going to be AWESOME this year.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Christmas is always fucking awesome because I get drunk with my mum
HOWEVER Christmas may begin at the very earliest on the 12th December. By the time it gets here nowadays I feel it's been going on for fucking months. Mainly because it has been going on for FUCKING MONTHS
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I feel sick with worry about how I'm going to get presents for everyone.
Then there's December, my most stressful time of the working year.

Traditionally I become ill from stress the second I stop work. Plus I only get a couple of days in which I'm supposed to visit my mother - I won't get to see my kid as she'll be at her peasant family's in Kent.

Christmas is utterly, utterly shit and the adverstising frenzy which has already begun is repulsive and makes me sick.

THE END.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

PS woe is me + boo hoo.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

Fucking Hell Monty
do you want to ride this WAAAAAAAAAAHMBULANCE any harder?

You're on a one way track to Emosville at the moment.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

I want to sit on the roof and wail into the sky
blubbing like a bitch all the way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

With My Chemical Romance on the stereo,
to speak to my tortured soul.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

whilst you self harm.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

4 REAL

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Thinking about it
If Edwards really was "for real", then surely the pansy would have carved the full word into his arm, instead of abbreviating it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

little arms innit?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Wouldn't it be double good if Lusty dumps him a few days before.
I reckon if we time it right, we could get a good christmas-day suicide.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

How aweseome would that be
We could all share the bargain bucket.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Hahaha, lol. Monty's bucket-list is from KFC.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Moaty Boyce.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Is work really busy in December?
Will you have to be on here less? *hopes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

You could have a "fake" Christmas with her.
Ask her what she wants to eat, make a big fuss and make her all the treats she likes (cost-pending) and have a big feast in front of the tree or something. It wouldn't cost much and she'd love it

Everyone else can fuck off - they know you are having trouble financially so just send/make them a card or write them a letter or something
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

The only person you really have to worry about presents for is the daughter though, everyone else would understand that you're a money-mong.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Like Gonz says ^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

and me.

( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

and you, yes
Give him a fucking slap will you?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Nah', I reckon it would be better if you get used to it, get your expectations really nice and low to the point where a bagel from down the road seems like a dimond ring...
.... I'll look sooooo good when you finally kick that loser to the curb.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

If it's a brick lane bagel then in all honesty I'd prefer one to a ring.
The salt beef ones are amazing, and you can't eat diamonds.
( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I used to think I knew what a bagel was until that moment when I first bit into one.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Hello sexy lady
You deserve lots of shiny things for Christmas
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Gonz is a bit shiny.
When he's just come out of the bath and he's got his big fluffy dressing gown and monkey slippers on.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Tin foil and some quality street wrappers!
*excites*
( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

*fashions Gonz an anti-UFO hat from them*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

haha if you're lucky there may even be sweets in them

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Best christmas ever.

( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Make a bunch of presents,
home made mince pies, chilli nuts, that sort of shit, I did most my presents for £30 last year.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Surely the time to judge the success of this will be after you receive your presents this year.
If everyone gives you some pasta shapes stuck to a bit of card and sprayed gold and silver, you can be certain they weren't impressed.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:36, Reply)

I don't give a shit about presents to be honest.
I think the best presents are socks, I love getting new socks for christmas.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I know what you mean
and there is something depressingly dull about having to buy socks for yourself.
Other presents are often disappointing and as an adult with your own income you are more than capable of buying yourself stuff that you really want anyway.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

i love how people get proper pissy about this
like theres some sort of fucking christmas rules we all need to follow. no one ever gets the mard about halloween bits in the shops a month early and other such ting. perhaps its a jesus thing. man i hate that dude he ruins everything
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

I love me a bit of christmas

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

fuck yeh

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:58, Reply)

lol

( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

Haha, for a moment I thought this was a reply to Monty up there and lol'd myself.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Haha, I'm not quite that cruel.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

How about four enormous lines of cocaine, then skip straight to the cognac?
Alt: I have no need of even one bucket. I certainly don't need to make a list of the fucking things.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Cocain isn't allowed around the christmas table this year on account of Aunty Barbera two years ago hulking out and throwing a chair through conservatory window... the roof window.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Swap hers for cheap whizz. She'll never know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

It's a good job she didn't get any that time we all went to BGBs house and BGB wasn't in so we had to wait around for about 3 hours
and Barry had to go number two in a plant pot.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

The fact that there is a 24/7 petrol station just 50 yards down the road that he could have used seemed to be against the point; that it's good for the plants.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I need to visit some friends in the States next year.
I haven't been over to see them since their wedding in '08. Although they've come over here since, not visiting my best friend in four years makes me a shit mate.

I also need to move house and change jobs. I might get the house move done before Christmas, but it'll be a close-run thing.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

If you move house and there is no carpet
don't spend thousands on putting down carpet everywhere, get some free square samples and attached them to your feet with rubber bands. Now you can enjoy deliciously deep shag pile throughout your whole house!*

*this money saving tip was brought to you by DiT industries
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Hah, I remember him saying that
But I'll probably do that with pieces of tree skirt because CHRISTMAS IS COMING
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

*glares*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

DECK YOUR FEET WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY
OW-OWOWOWOWWW-OWOWOWOW
LURCH AROUND LIKE A NOBBLED SPASTIC
OWOWOWOWOW OWOWOWOWWW
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

xmaslols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I'll also be in my totally awesome new flat by then too ! OH BOY !
It'll be so nice having a home of my own, with all nice stuff in it =DDDDDDDDDDD
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I hope you've asked for a cleaner for Christmas

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I'll have you know, unless you're the ghoast who left the tea bag in the kitchen towel, my flat is actually really clean at the moment !
and when I'm in the new place, it'll be coasters and everythign like that, I'll be obsessed 'cus I'll have all nice new things =D
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:30, Reply)

We have very different ideas of clean darling
That flat will never actually be clean
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

that was me love
it was an unused mulled wine spice bag i left for you, you tool
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

lol

( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:06, Reply)

ooooiohhhhhhhj, lol. propper lol
ITS OK EVERYONE, MY FLAT ISNT HAUNTED.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:58, Reply)

This doesn't actually prove that your flat isn't haunted
Just that this one event was not the work of a ghost.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:15, Reply)

so rude

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I shall be having Christmas Dinner at my brothers
So I shall be just bringing flowers and chocolates for his girlfriend who'll be doing all the actual work.

On my list for 2012 will be selling my old house if I haven't managed to shift it this year, and buying a 2-bedroom flat, if I can find one I like.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I will most probably be working christmas day.
So I'll probably sit in the flat alone after work eating super noodles and drinking vodka.
( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Doesn't look like you'll be getting a present either...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

SuperNoodles are only 8p

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

gutted

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I am honestly not bothered by presents.
Monty knows this. The only person he has to worry about is his daughter.
( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Y'know, in my experience kids aren't that bothered either
I mean, obviously they love getting presents, but they are often easily pleased by the most simple of things so it doesn't necessarily have to be a large expensive gift.
The thing all kids crave the most is attention from their parents. Someone up there ^ suggested that he gives her a special day to make up for not being allowed to see her on the 25th. This will mean more to her than spending large sums of money that he doesn't have.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I couldn't agree more.
The problem I fear though is that other people think the amount of pink plastic dolls and toys you give a child equates to how much you love them.
( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

How fucking stupid, it's about the nintendos.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Come over to my Mum's instead !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

someone here at work eats supernoodle sandwiches
dirty cunt
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

That posh bastard.

( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

You calling my grandad a cunt there?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

if the cap fits mush

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:08, Reply)

he is, like.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Fancy taking LB & A to Crews Hill this weekend?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

probbles not this weekend, will have a butchers and mail you up

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Bucket list.
I have to get rid of three buckets. The Rolling Rock bucket that I use as a bathroom bin, the FIRE bucket I found in the street one Christmas Day, and a nice pale green pail that I use as a bin in my bedroom. I might keep that.

I'm also chucking everything out and moving to Edinburgh.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

why am i the only person on the planet who doesn't know what a bucket list is?
someone to explain pls?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Stuff you want to do before you 'kick the bucket'

( wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

ahh
thank you lovely!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:06, Reply)

I didn't know, but I was able to use the internet to find out.
I thought you were clever?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

how is asking you lot
not using the internet to find out?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Well that is true, but it is not the most efficient use of the internet
I guess at your hourly rate (+ disbs) you don't really care about efficiency.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:09, Reply)

it took 1 minute to ask the question
then i sat back and did some work whilst i let the answers filter in.

then i came back on here to collect the results.

total time incurred: 2 mins. actual work done by me: zero. minimum unit that can be billed: 6 mins.

PROFIT AND EFFICIENCY RIGHT HERE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I don't believe for one minute that you would bill for a unit as small as six minutes.
It would surely have to be rounded up to a minimum of 0.25 hours
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Why not?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Because lawyers like to screw as much money out of you as possible.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:39, Reply)

....and thus can charge 10 clients per hour instead of 4

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:42, Reply)

You misunderstand me
She may still only do six minutes work, but the minimum the client will get billed for will be 15 minutes.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:51, Reply)

nope, that is not how it works at all
you record your time in a minimum of 6 min slots. but you don't round them up to 3 x 6 min slots and bill for 18 mins.

you wait until there is enough time on the clock altogether and then you bill.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:05, Reply)

Thanks for clearing that up
*doesn't hire Swipe*
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:06, Reply)

oh
would you prefer daily bills of 18 minutes?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:19, Reply)

I'd prefer not to billed by you at all.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Clients?
Are you calling our Swipey a prozzie? Damn you, damn you to hell, you bounder.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:16, Reply)

It's a feelgood film with Jack Nicholson
and Morgan 'granddaughter fucker' Freeman, it's mildly funny and touching if you're in the mood but nothing special.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:07, Reply)

It's not Christmas season just because the telly says so.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:12, Reply)

No, it's the Christmas season because Santa was on my can of diet coke this morning
and I will brook no arguments.
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:14, Reply)

"Santa"?
Oh, thumbs down.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Shut it, Surrey boy.
Santa Claus comes from the Dutch Sinterklaas, which is a contraction of Saint Nicholas. I didn't even have to look that up.
Besides which, Coca Cola is an American company and Santa Claus is what's portrayed on the side of their can.
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:55, Reply)

THUMBS DOWN
I still resent him being dressed in red.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Also a Coca-Cola thing, from the 30s I believe
but it's not like you've ever known anything different, so...
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:58, Reply)

I might not have known anything different
but it was green for hundreds of years. It all seems so cheap.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:59, Reply)

Oh stop grouching
I thought you liked Christmas?
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:03, Reply)

I do, I really enjoy it.
There are aspects of the surrounding relentless gold-rush that I'm not a fan of.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:06, Reply)

Yes, but since I don't have a tv and I rarely go in to town
I can fairly easily ignore all of the relentless consumerist bollocks until i'm ready for it.
That said, i'm off to the christmas market on thursday when it opens despite it only being mid-november..
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:14, Reply)

Shut yer face mindless consumer!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Agreed.
I'm not anti Christmas, but I can keep up a good Christmas spirit for maybe a month, so starting now dilutes the fun. It'll be Christmas form the 3rd of December when my tree goes up, and that's only that early because it's plastic and because it gives my son a chance to help me decorate.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Christmas doesn't start properly until mid-December
but I can maintain a sort of low level 'Eep! Nearly Christmas!' from around now til then when it becomes balls-out EEEEEEEEEEEE CHRIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAS!!
(berk, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Yes, Mid December would be about right
But I only have my son 2 weekends in decmeber, so best to make the most of it. I don't think I ever go ball-out as you do, but I quite enjoy seeing people, relaxing and drinking.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Yeah that's ok I suppose I just get irritated by mindless drones banging on about it already.
Especially the coke and John Lewis ads
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:26, Reply)

ah so we're mindless drones if we enjoy christmas?
i like halloween and bonfire night too. love valentines even when im single. fucking love easter eggs and new years eve. christmas just gets a bad rep. personally i reckon its to do with people thinking they have to fork out for presents, tight cunts.
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:41, Reply)

I love chrimbo rosa I just don't love the 7 weeks of preceding bullshit
It lessens the experience for me. We don't start getting excited about Halloween in September.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:42, Reply)

i wouldnt give a fuck if people did though
haters gonna hate i spose
( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:44, Reply)

You're like Gandhi or summit
Flip flop wearing cunt
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:47, Reply)

i just cant get excited about what other people get up to

( rosalicious i fucking love youve been framed, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:52, Reply)

The Christmas lights are on in town.
That's that.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Ours are up, but not on...
So i feel a bit confused
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Maybe they're saving lecky

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Beans on toast.
Not as a starter, that's the whole meal.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Ahh, Mumps, if only everyone had your Christmastide spirit.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Humbug anyone?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Plain, on toast please.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Posh cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I don't know I'm born me.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I threaten it every year.
Whole fucking thing seems a shit load of effort for very little return.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:29, Reply)

It is a chance to eat what you want without reproach

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Stop making excuses for the whole 'misletoe in darth's belt' incident

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:32, Reply)

haha

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:35, Reply)

It's a chance to spends tons of cash on overpriced rubbish you can pretend is nice and worth it
but wouldn't touch with a fucking bargepole the rest of the year.

HUM FUCKING BUG.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:32, Reply)

And what Mumps wants is beans on toast.
so why the hostility?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:33, Reply)

None from me sir

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Sounds like fighting talk

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:36, Reply)

THEYMS FAAAAHTIN WORDS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Yes, it generally is.
I've enjoyed the last few years because I don't have to put up with my ex-wife's IT MUST BE PERFECT FOR THE CHILD DO NOT EVENT THINK ABOUT SNATA NOT BEING REAL mentalness and just hang out with my family who do not give a shit, so we chill and it's rally nice.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:32, Reply)

Heh, my son knows santa ain't real. He looks at people funny when they ask what santa's getting him.
Cause to him, santa is just some dude he sees at school a few weeks before christmas.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:35, Reply)

I think the whole Jesus thing is the most confusing for mine
All year round Jesus Christ it something daddy shouts when he is angry, then suddenly in December they start singing songs about it at school.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:37, Reply)

angry on his vinegar strokes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:39, Reply)

That too
Always embarrassing at the school carol concert
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:50, Reply)

My son don't get that shit either. I worry about R.E in school.
To put it in context, I told him it was all a story, like Ben 10 but far less interesting.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Botdogs
that is all
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Alt: serve a botdog for christmas lunch

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Last year
We had this. Lovely, but you do have to like Haggis. I'm also a huge sucker for crispy duck as a starter, but that depends on what the main course is going to be.

Bucket list - I want to cycle over the alps next summer.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:39, Reply)

Alt:
I don't have a bucket list for 2012, because I'm not going to die in 2012 you mong, I have some things I'd like to get done, but you didn't ask about that.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Yeah you only have three weeks left

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:50, Reply)

*pssst*
It is only 2011 now
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:04, Reply)

Tsk, teachers today....

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Alright Bobby.
What's on the cards for today?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:05, Reply)

What the fuck is a bucket list?
Does it have anything to do with buckets?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 12:52, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1430250
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:00, Reply)

smashing, cheers.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:02, Reply)

seriously
if my trainee lets loose her hollow, barking sheeplike, disgusting, wet, phlegm-filled cough on me ONE MORE TIME... she is coughing about 18 times a minute. refuses to go home. says she "doesn't like" the doctor. and it has been like this for about 2 weeks.

how can i:

kill her OR
deafen myself

pleeease????
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:07, Reply)

I'm sorry, are you narking because somebody ill refuses to go home,
you gigantic hypocrit?
( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:07, Reply)

yes
she isn't ill. just fucking NOISY.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Stop being such a bender.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:11, Reply)

The worst of it is that she doubles dips in Swpey's coffee.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:09, Reply)

Put her head in a black bin bag, then duct tap it to seal her in.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Laxatives in her coffee
She won't dare cough then.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 13:09, Reply)