Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
(
rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Best FindsOnce at the Leeds festival I found a full unopened bottle of Southern Comfort wedged into a hedge while I was taking a piss. I only assume the original owner needed somewhere to "park" it when he was pissing too and forgot all about it. Today I have opened my desk and half a Bourneville was there. My question to you, offtopic, is what is the best thing you have found.
(Jokes about Bono/still haven't found will be marked down)
Alt:
As the Christmas seal has been broken, Secret Santa? Good or bad? Best/Worst presents received?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:25,
335 replies,
latest was 14 years ago)
My arse with both hands.Alt: Good. Bottle of Factor 50 suncream and some hand sanitiser.
(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:27,
Reply)
So the best thing to find is your arse?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
For me it was, yes.(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
*resists urge to joke about number of others*(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
Good news on the office christmas party.We're going to a gastropub then to a pub quiz instead of some shitty chrismas theme bollocks event. Woooop
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:30, Reply)
Lucky you.Last year our Christmas party was cancelled due to the recession. This year it hasn't even been mentioned.
I might go on strike for better partying conditions.
(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
Violation of 'elf and safety.(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:33,
Reply)
We have to pay for it ourselves.But we've arrange a meeting before so that all travel will be paid.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Hell yeah,Not even a travelodge, a JURYS INN, I'm moving up in the world I tell you that for nothing.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:37, Reply)
*mutters about NHS money being spent on hotels instead of patient care*(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:39,
Reply)
These hotels are all the same when you're face down in a pile of your own vomit and 17 stone of sweaty local uberskank.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:40,
Reply)
I think it's very unlikely a group of Analysts on a night out will attract much female attention.(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I didn't specify the gender of the skank. (
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:46,
Reply)
I reckon Chompy makes his right hand wear fatsuit at these eventsso he can see what it's like when that kind of thing happens to regular people who don't scare the opposite sex.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Secret Santa is unremittingly shitYet another good reason not to work in an office dribbling at some monitor for eight hours
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
You're only saying that because you don't work in Quentin's office(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:32, Reply)
The wizard japes of Gary and that bird who looks like a man(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
^ this ^Fucking hell Rory - I am agreeing with you about something.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
I'm Captain Sensible, wrapped up in a warming blanket of misery and boredom(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:37,
Reply)
I've found a couple of specific physical properties of pluripotent stem cellswhich will hopefully one day allow for the large scale production of more pure cellular therapies.
I've not, however, cured cancer in moths, which is obviously disappointing for all concerned.
alt: All forms of Santa are cunts.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:31,
Reply)
You needn't worry about cancer matewww.thedailymash.co.uk/sport/sport-headlines/england-expected-to-find-cancer-cure-by-january-201111144536/
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:33, Reply)
yeah, saw that...(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
I initially read this as a spelling mistake of months(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:34,
Reply)
It's a very old memeSome tit on /talk claimed to have found a cure for cancer. given my research field I expressed *Ahem* some cynicism. unsurprisingly he was a tin foil hatted tool making shit up.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
I hope all the little moth fuckers who ate my cashmere jumper get cancer.(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
Oh, they will.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:39,
Reply)
A massive stash of porn in a hedge when I was playing football with my mates.(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)
this wins everything, ever. Hedge porn, best of all the 70s and 80s porn.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
You're bang on - mid-80s I thinkThe internet has a lot to answer for IMHO - the decline of hedge porn being the main one.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I'm only including the 70s as I suspect that hedge porn is terrifyingly long-lastingI'm not sure porn would have been much use to me when I was 5. I'm no Monty, for sure.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:42,
Reply)
You'll probably vomit... but...The best thing I have ever found is the woman who is now my wife.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:35,
Reply)
I was going to say that. Not about your wife though.(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:36,
Reply)
I was going to say that about his wife.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:38,
Reply)
As a hopeless romantic I approve this sentimentLog off now before everyone else notices
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:37, Reply)
What I lack in partner finding skills, I do make up for in finding some bloody fantastic friends.(
girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:39,
Reply)
Not only do we not have secret santa, I also don't have to go to a Christmas party and I get cash instead.(
girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:37,
Reply)
Yeah, but who's going to inappropriately touch you up in the stationary cupboard?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:38,
Reply)
A high-stakes strategy.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:43,
Reply)
I meant more in terms of the risk not the likelihood.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:49,
Reply)
We're not a fucking conglomerate Rory.We're only a small engineering firm.
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girlinthehole, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:49,
Reply)
I found half of one of those big bars of Dairy Milk in the pocket of a jacket the other dayIt wasn't even melted. I was tempted to break it into pieces and leave a trail, hoping to recruit an army of women with self-esteem issues, but I just ate it instead, which was arguably even better.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)
I once found a tenner when I was very, very skintI'm talking about 90p in bank account and only rice in the cupboard skint. I almost cried.
Apart from that, I don't tend to find things. Although it is always nice to find change in the pocket of clothing you've not worn for a while.
I quite like secret Santa, even though I buy nice presents and usually get shit ones in return.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Don't be the "nice present" person. No other fucker bothers.
I got a pop up kama sutra for a colleague last year. £9.99 on special in Waterstones.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)
It's easier when you work in a small groupand consequently know the person you're buying for well enough to find them something they'll like for a fiver. I bought an antique turquoise brooch for secret santa last year for about £4, for someone who loved it so much that after she'd had a few glasses of wine, bent my ear about it the whole evening.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:52, Reply)
My ex-boss was from Hartlepool and nicknamed MonkeyI got him in the secret Santa and off I popped to Poundland or similar. I spent £3, £1 for a stuffed toy monkey, £1 for party poppers and £1 for a lighty up Christmas badge. With some parcel tape, wires and a bit of artistic licence I turned him into the festive monkey suicide bomber, complete with flashing bomb lights.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:05,
Reply)
i once found someones wallet on a traini just too the cash out and chucked it in a hedge
got about £30, good stuff
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:43, Reply)
"gary, shut the fuck up and do some work"(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:46,
Reply)
I found the fifth part of the "A song of Fire and Ice" saga on the internetbut I wouldn't say that was the best thing.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Alt: Secret Santa is a sweet idea in principle but fucking shit in practiceParticularly pointless in my office, last year there were only 6 people in our team and no-one else on the floor wanted to play. It was incredibly easy to work out who had bought what so it effectively boiled down to 6 people with shonky-at-best working relationships buying each other shit gifts for under a fiver.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)
I found £40 in a suit pocket about 3 weeks ago. It was like free money.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)
I was once roped in to be the Santa in our officeThis involved sitting in an office, dressed up as the man himself, and having the ladies file in one at a time to sit on my lap, give me a kiss, and receive their present. Oh lordy.
This was both good and bad. Obviously there were a number of ugly fatties to be dealt with, but on the other hand there were some very tidy ladies as well. However, given that this was in an IT department, the former group outnumbered the latter by about 10 to 1.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:47, Reply)
I found a Pulp Live Video, all of Yes, Prime Minister and the full boxset of 'Our Friends In The North' in a carrier back next to the bins of Blockbuster in Streatham years ago.
Can't think of anything else. That's a pretty poor return for 37 years on earth. I clezrly haven't been looking hard enough.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:47,
Reply)
You found your dignity again Scarpe(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:49,
Reply)
This is actually quite cheering, even though I am sure you didn't intend it that way.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:51,
Reply)
Jeez, I aint pissed on your chips man(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:11,
Reply)
I once found a £10 note when I was completely skint, that was nice.Alt: My family and I do secret santa every year, it's a bit of a pain.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:47,
Reply)
No, I found one.I loved it. My mum even disinfected it and let me bring it into the house.
(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:52,
Reply)
No, but I always wanted one.This way I could pretend to a) have a bunkbed b) be on a sleeper train and c) be Heidi.
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Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:55,
Reply)
I couldn't get a tune out of the ladder, I must admit.(
Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
Pal of mine found an ounce of cocaine (worth about £1200 if you're interested)that he had 'hidden' whilst out of his mind. He found it six months later when selling records at a car boot sale and very nearly gave the drugs away free inside a copy of....
'Cocaine in my Brain' by Dillinger.
My brother found half an oz of skunk on Brighton beach once. Someone else I know found a matchbox full of Es behind a toilet at a rave, whilst he was kneeling at it spewing up.
MASSIVE DRUGzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:50,
Reply)
9 years and 850 savage bummings later....(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:37,
Reply)
Oh manYou reminded me. In the local dodgy pub aged about 19. Dealer dropped his entire stash of resin. We saw it and hid it in someone's hood. He came back in about 5 mins later, looking like murder but we got away with it and had a very happy smoky summer for FREE!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:53,
Reply)
When my father drove me back to the venue one morning after my band had playedthe cleaner had very kindly left about a quarter which they must have found, on top of one of our amps. Luckily I and not my dear papa (the drugs advisor for Winchester College, irony fans) saw it first...
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:56,
Reply)
Did he advise you to do MASSIVE DRUGS all the time?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:59,
Reply)
Just which ones to take and which to avoid(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:00,
Reply)
SimilarlyAt a rave in the summer of 2002, I went to the small burger van selling bottled water and asked if they had some sweets I could buy, as I was chewing my face off. Cue hushed conversations, then the woman replied that "Jez" would be back in 10 minutes and still had a few Mitzi's. When I stifled my laughter long enough to say that I actually just wanted some Refreshers or something, I was presented with a tub of various assorted sweets and, after a bit of sifting, three oddly-coloured but unmistakeable pills.
I didn't take them, that would've been fucking STUPID
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Honestly, I'm still proud that I turned down free drugs in that stateNever taken anything unless I trusted the source and "in a burger van at a rave" struck me as distinctly Berlusconi
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:02, Reply)
When I was a kid I lost all my birthday moneyI presumed it had either been thrown away with the wrapping paper or nicked by one of my so called mates.
Several years later after I graduated I was moving house and found a wallet in a box of stuff. I remembered that I had got a hideous wallet for my birthday as a kid, everytime I found it over the years it got shoved back in a box somewhere but this time I decided to open it and lo and behold inside was about £90 in old notes. I took them to the bank who told me they were still legal tender at banks and put the money in my account. Paid the first two weeks rent on my flat that did!
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Peej, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:53,
Reply)
I found £30 the other week, some tramp claimed a beardy greek had given to himbut that sounded like Lies IRL.
Alt: Worst - sleevlees demin jacket, or a fucking shit casette/radio player with tape one of the double tape Now That's What i call music 16.
best: got to be my car that i got for my 21st
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:53,
Reply)
She was a '99 Polo, 1ltr of pure driving powerscrapped her 6 months ago after 8 years loyal service and she cost me almost nothing that entire time.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:57,
Reply)
You need to if you want to get over 60To overtake on the motorway i would have to take a "run up" at traffic
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:02,
Reply)
Just remembered another oneCheque for £400 for summer work when I was 17. This was approx 1 million pounds when you were 17 and I lost the fucking thing. Found it 3 days or something before the 6 month expiry on cheques! RESULT
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 15:58,
Reply)
Had to meet the work there, to hand my line in.My mate, who had been to Cuba, passed on my presents she had brought back.
A pack of 5 FUCKING HUGE cigars and a funky ashtray wrapped in paper with some spanish writing on it. I wonder what it says.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:07,
Reply)
My first office job (yes, there have been many *cries*)was in an office with those massive windows on the ground floor instead of the more traditional walls. Walking past on my lunch break one day I spotted 50p on the floor. Not much to speak of but better than, well, not having 50p, which was my status at the time.
It proved remarkably difficult to pick up. Impossible, in fact. I later found out that my colleagues behind the window-walls had glued the 50p there and spent their lunch break pissing themselves at all the people who'd stopped to lose a fight with the pavement.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:08, Reply)
hahaha!You fucking mong! ALWAYS kick a coin first
I've only ever had two proper jobs. trufax
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:09,
Reply)
Christ, I was up to two by the end of my first post-Uni summerThis is what happens when you get released into the world with no qualifications and no clue. Still, it only took me a fucking decade to find a well-paid job that I enjoy.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:11, Reply)
4 years at Newcastle Uni networking dpeartment then where I am now(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:13,
Reply)
I blame my inability to enjoy my workcoupled with my previous employers' inability to pay me enough money
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:17, Reply)
I once found a letter someone had written in a changing room on a beach in Vancouver.It was from a man to a woman he had met on the beach where they would walk their dogs together.
I think she was moving away as the letter said how he'd fallen in love with her over the last year and was going to miss her, but was too shy to tell her in person.
He'd even left a dog biscuit for her pup.
I still feel guilty about reading it(put it back where I found it though) but awwwwww man I hope those guys got it together.
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wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:09,
Reply)
They both got AIDS and died sorry to be the bearer etc(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:12,
Reply)
Still going through the stuff we made last year. It lasts surprisingly well. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:18,
Reply)
Last lot we made we left for a yearit was like delicous cough medicine
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:23,
Reply)
It just gets better and better. (
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:25,
Reply)
I save time by simply drinking cough medicine(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:28,
Reply)
Do you strain out the sloes before leaving it for a yearI have read that if you leave them in for more than 6 months it can go bitter.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:29, Reply)
Yep took the sloes out after about 3 months.Also remember to pierce each sloe - helps get the most flavour out of them.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
Nah we ledt tham in no worries at all,it was sweet and unctous and utterly moorish*
*I may be calling it arab here, not sure
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:33,
Reply)
Where did you get the sloe berries from ?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:19,
Reply)
I thought soI was worried I might be too late as the other places I'd seen sloes had all been picked clean.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I'm not sure there are any near me:-(
I may have to purchase the Gordon's one
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:29,
Reply)
It's damned good stuffthough I'm sure some purists would disagree.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:30, Reply)
I shall investigate some bushes whilst taking the dog out in the morning(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:35,
Reply)
I used all of the gin on Friday making English Mojitos.(
wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:18,
Reply)
This sounds goodTell me more please
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:18,
Reply)
Muddle limes, mint, brown sugar and cucumber.Add 50ml of gin, Hendricks is best for the cucumbery flavour. Shake with ice then strain over crushed ice. Top up with soda water if you desire.
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wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:23,
Reply)
Say "Ohhhhh what's that over there?"Then nick a chip when they're looking the other way.
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wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:26,
Reply)
Did I mention I'm making sloe gin?When are we going to come to your place of work and eat some of that food?
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:19, Reply)
I love sloe gin.I got to try the sipsmith's one when I went for the tour there. It is amazing.
I want you to come and see me, book a table upstairs and I can look after you.
(
wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:25,
Reply)
Okay. I will do thisbut it might have to slip until January as I'm pretty skint right now.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:30, Reply)
This is good for me too.Or if you like I can book us a table at one of the other venues and we'll get looked after proper. I can use my cool kid discount too.
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wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:34,
Reply)
Shame you couldn't have made itbut Monty and I had your share of food, gin, champagne and fun. So don't feel bad.
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wanderlust, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:41,
Reply)
Too right, how fucking gay is he(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
Found around 400 quid in cash, in a wallet in Sainsbury'sI've mentioned it before. It was a great, oh about five minutes before my conscience kicked in. Handing it in is now in my top three greatest regrets. Although I've got half a feeling its about to be knocked into fourth.
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Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:09,
Reply)
It must have been surprise sex again(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:15,
Reply)
When i first went to uni, my parenst eventually sent me letter requesting that i would get in touch and let them know i was alive(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
i let them sweat another day or so...i was a shit(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:19,
Reply)
I live about five minutes determined walk from mineand I still get a slightly petulant phonecall every fortnight to "make sure you're ok"
(
Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:18,
Reply)
Same thing happened to me in my third yearThey sent one to my then-fiancee as well. Mortified.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:19, Reply)
have you shagged gary's female workmate that look slike a man?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:13,
Reply)
The one that keeps telling him to get on with some work?No, I haven't. She sounds way too saucy for me.
(
Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:16,
Reply)
In an ICT lesson in year 10/11.Everyone was doing the childish thing of typing peoples' parents' names in on Google images and going "ahhh that's your mum/dad" at the funniest picture. Then we typed in one lad's dad's name and a picture of him from about twenty years ago came up, complete with comedy 80s glasses and facial hair. We still haven't let it go.
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:16, Reply)
Was that Roy from Eastenders then?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:17,
Reply)
Fuck, I hope they never do that to my kidsThe last thing they are going to want is their mum on her knees covered in jizz as 30 guys jerk off in a circle, popping up on the screen in the middle of their IT lesson.
(
Peej, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
And the most depressing thing about this, is none of the 30 men was you : ((
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:35,
Reply)
His Dad was there thoughThat's OK
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:36,
Reply)
My dad died before I met my wifeso ummm yes he was there, how do you think we met?
(
Peej, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:39,
Reply)
Someone's got to man the camera and clean up afterwards(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:39,
Reply)
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1430834
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:37,
Reply)
Oh actually I've just rememberedfinding my dad's stash of book tokens/WHSmith vouchers after he died. That'll be £90 quid of new books and dvds for me, then...
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:25, Reply)
wanking at hedge porn(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:29,
Reply)
hahahahDirty bearded bastard, in his nappy wanking in bushes, he'd be locked up these days.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:31,
Reply)
I heard he quite liked Sunny Delight(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
Would've been easier if he wasn't still nailed to that cross(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
I'm a man of means by no meansKing of the Jews.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:35,
Reply)
I like this a lotNot sure why but you've tickled my funny bone there Mumps
*winks suggestively*
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:36, Reply)
Thanks dad.*divine fives*
Let's go make some dinosaur bones and hide them, fuck those atheists shit RIGHT UP.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:40,
Reply)
Lets hide some in Bill Oddie's beardthus creatinga circular time reference that will BLOW THEIR MINDS
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:42,
Reply)
I can't wait to watch Tony Robinson burn dad.Can we roast some marshmallows over his screaming, burning soul?
SURE SON, SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. WE CAN PICK UP SOME BITCHES ON THE WAY HOME AND PAAAAAARTY!!!!
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:44,
Reply)
i could apply this to many people at the moment(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:48,
Reply)
Oi vey, it's the jewstice squad!(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:32,
Reply)
Where was the cheeky fucker hiding?2000 years of hide and seek, a world record surely.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:28,
Reply)
He disguised himself as Mohammed(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:30,
Reply)
I wonder how he hoped to prophet from that.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:33,
Reply)
1. be jesus2. wank over hedge porn
3. disguise self as mohammed
4. ?????
5. PROPHET
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:34,
Reply)
6. Make new cabinet for dad.7. Go to Ikea.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:36,
Reply)
MADDIE HAS SOMEWAY TO GO!!!!!111!!!/tragiclols
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:31,
Reply)
Like La Fritzl, he had help from his dad*avoids tedious Maddie joke*
EDIT: hahaha nice one Nakers you mong
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:35, Reply)
My post is full to bursting with self aware irony(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:36,
Reply)
Self aware irony doesn't usually smell like it's just fallen out of a bull's arse(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:37, Reply)
Why do you think it's in caps and has !!!111!!!111!! at the end...(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:38,
Reply)
I am struggling to explain that oneEspecially given your previous excellent form in the realms of spelling and grammar
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:39, Reply)
In other news, I do realise that REALLYand I'm off home now, night all
/unprepared to let Nakers reply and think he's won
(, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:40, Reply)
my aunt knows about my pink fridge/pink gadget obsessionand every birthday/christmas she manages to find something pink for my kitchen. i never knew you could get pink cheese graters, for example. or pink spatulas.
bless her, they're always shocking quality, and survive about one use, but the amount of effort she goes to in order to find them is legendary.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:47,
Reply)
Thank god for amazon eh?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:49,
Reply)
ha, like she knows what the internet is!she's 70 and has never really left her village in yorkshire.
they will all come from todmorden market.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:50,
Reply)
Bet she does. One window on ebay the other with some girl on girl action.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:51,
Reply)
this may be the rankest image i have ever had in my headand i've seen the odd naked b3tan in my time.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:52,
Reply)
It's on the internets so clearly lies.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:55,
Reply)
no no noi meant there are many odd b3tans!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:56,
Reply)
New thread time!!!Who's the oddest fucker you've had the misfortune of sharing the same room at a lolb4sh?!
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:56,
Reply)
I can't really contribute as I don't b4sh soz(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:56,
Reply)
and therefore this is not your finest work, my sweetstill, i would have to say that i have only been to one bash, and have therefore only shared a room with rakky.
who is amazing, but luckily for both of us, most definitely NOT my type. or vice versa.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:57,
Reply)
Dunno to the board then, there's always a load of sad creepy dungeons and dragons types in those b4sh photosIs it any wonder I never go
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:05,
Reply)
i have been called many things in my timesome good, some bad.
but never anything as depressing as "creepy".
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:11,
Reply)
We're all creepy on the internet(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:14,
Reply)
Enjoy your dreams tonight. Old auntie swipey sat in her chair, flicking the bean while buying you a pink fridge magnet.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:53,
Reply)
with a picture of a giant sea clam on it"it reminded me of you dear"
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:55,
Reply)
"Can't think why, this just sort of popped into my head"(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:57,
Reply)
i will be looking like "the scream" for days:0
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:56,
Reply)
oooh OOOoooOOh ooooOOOOoooOOOOOooHH WERTHERS ORIGINALS!!!!!Now, time to find that nice of mine some pink magnets.
Ugh, why is this mouse always flaking? I'll get her to have a look next time she's round.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:59,
Reply)
Dunno swipey, best ask your aunt about that.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:10,
Reply)
slurp slurp LLLLLLlallLLLLLlallalalalllLLLLlIs this working for you auntie swipe?
Oh and, thanks for the pink notebook. It was ace!
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:13,
Reply)
you have actually made me feel sickafter 8 years on here, that's good going.
you sick twisted man.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:16,
Reply)
How many rampant rabbitts has she bought you?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:49,
Reply)
Shirly the most famous pink gadget out thereI'll drop her note hinting for you this year if you like?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:51,
Reply)
thank youbut that is the one gadget where gold beats pink, i think.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:53,
Reply)
Bit cold innit?Although gold is very unreactive so there would be little or no corrosion...
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:53,
Reply)
I'm sure the gusset brasso might even shine it up quite nice.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:56,
Reply)
hahahahahawhat a repulsive man you are.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:06,
Reply)
Thanks Montgomery, coming from you that means something.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:09,
Reply)
It's my highest available praise.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:18,
Reply)
what a veryscientific approach to fanny batter
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:58,
Reply)
So you make your aunt go into various shops, and in her loud voice, say "I 'll have that one in the pink."(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:50,
Reply)
If it's not pink, she beats her. With a stick. (
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:51,
Reply)
Well you said you didn't mind that kind of double dip(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 16:54,
Reply)
hey swipey are you still here? i have a non lawyer question for you(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:02,
Reply)
i'm not pregnanti just had a very over-indulgent weekend
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:10,
Reply)
HAHAHA!!! Yeah, you probably should go to the docs. Those warts don't just appear for no reason.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:11,
Reply)
I thought you mums empty eye socket would be clear; apparently not(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:13,
Reply)
oh dear, has you really got an std then?Swipey probably is the expert here.
(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:14,
Reply)
sadly noti haven't had sex in about... a whole WEEK.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:15,
Reply)
i really really don't think they'd take me(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:18,
Reply)
You may be surprised, given some of the shit your auntie can access online.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:20,
Reply)
i almost feel glad that my grandmothers are both deadthe way you carry on
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:39,
Reply)
Why? Did they like looking at porn on the net too?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:57,
Reply)
it's really, really not very excitingas a woman i though swpipey might be helpful
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:14,
Reply)
They never believe slipping it up there is a mistake.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:15,
Reply)
god you poor thingi'm not surprised you didn't want to share the love with this slavering lot.
don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:15,
Reply)
Unlike most women, she's not good at cooking, cleaning or knittingso I fail to see what good her opinion will do you.
(
Kroney, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:15,
Reply)
Don't worry it's all a ruse, I lull her into a false sense of secruity with some mundane questionsthen BAM cock gaz
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:23,
Reply)
alt: secret santa, marginally less worse than having ot buy everyone a present.
Last year mine was late, but I'd come into work one day in January thinking 'man, I'm cold, wish I had a cardigan with me or something' only to get to my desk where there was a present, a cardigan :D I had to stare for a moment as I thought I might still be dreaming.
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:32,
Reply)
no :(but that would have made it AWESOME!
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:34,
Reply)
I KNEW YOU'D TURN ON ME EVENTUALLY YOU BASTARDNOW YOU JUST WANT ME DEAD WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:39,
Reply)
What did you expect? I'm a man.(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:40,
Reply)
Sorry, I feel daft for asking but which one are you again?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:43,
Reply)
Deleted beakerish 'look at my kid' pic.Sorry if anyone was having a conversation below it.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:52,
Reply)
you could just remove the pictureand replace it with a pecker
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 14 Nov 2011, 17:53,
Reply)
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