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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 836, 835, 834, 833, 832, ... 1

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Our regulator called up and asked to speak to me, by name.
When did you last have a serious 'oh shite' moment at work?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:54, 324 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
Everytime my mobile rings with either my MD's or my Landlord's names showing as callers.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:55, Reply)
My old landlady is in my phone as Do Not Answer
Because she kept calling us after we moved out.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I do work for my landlord from time to time, so I have to answer

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
I spend most of my time moaning to everyone who will listen about problems in the organisation
So when the shit hits the fan I can say I TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS MONTHS AGO
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:55, Reply)
Monday afternoon
One of our sites managed to completely delete their live virtual server and lost everything.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:55, Reply)
Got told by my boss that I was going to a meeting with him and some externals.
"What's it about?" I said
"We're in trouble" he replied.

Turns out he was just winding me up because he's a prick.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:56, Reply)
Mine is a bit more serious than these.
Soz.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:57, Reply)
Tell the group

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:57, Reply)
He got caught bumming the work experience kid.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Haven't we all?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:01, Reply)
Got caught?
No.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)
I got caught inside
Too tight
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:03, Reply)
I've always been told that tight is better.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Depends how tight you're talking really

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:08, Reply)
To be honest, the blood put me off
.....a second go
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:09, Reply)
Tightness versus girth

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Girth is interesting...

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Mine's pretty serious.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:58, Reply)
Yes we KNOW about you sifting through the resumes to get rid of the jewish applicants.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:00, Reply)
Well, somebody's got to do it.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)
YOu sack of racist shit.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:03, Reply)
Not racist.
Anti-Semitic. There is a difference, you know.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:12, Reply)
I have a great system, myself.
Any that have a suspicious surname like 'Green' or a bare-faced actual Jewish one get a little yellow star sticker on them for easy identification.

You should try it!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Tattoos are better than stickers.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Tattoos set you free*
* Tattoos may cause shower based overheating to occur. Please ensure all vents are open and place shoes/hair in a neat pile prior to entry. SS Industries cannot be held responsible for any losses. Such as families. Or gold
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:19, Reply)
Click.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:26, Reply)
sad times, Kronedawg
They haven't called me back yet though.

In other news- Sian Williams. I definitely would.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)
Suzanna Reid was looking particularly fine this morning.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:05, Reply)
I prefer Sian to Susannah.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:06, Reply)
The fact that Sian let Lembit Opik fuck her puts me off completely.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
I did not know this
I am immediately put off
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Wrong Sian
He's getting mixed up with that weather girl.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
*phew*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
no, that was Sian Lloyd. She munts.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
I tend not to masturbate to the news.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Why miss a wank on the hour?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Well unless there is a really sexy story on it.
Massacre in a school or something.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Dead kids are sexy

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Every time I had to walk past my "team leader'" office.
I dreaded something needed doing, or I ahd to fill in some fucking form. Thankfully, this doesn't apply anymore.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:59, Reply)
When my then boss was asked to leave the premises
for looking at net porn on his work PC.

Not the best work day ever
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:59, Reply)
What's a regulateor?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 12:59, Reply)
It's a special type of vibrator

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:00, Reply)
That can use a phone, and talk.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:00, Reply)
it uses its fingers to dial
and lube as an accelerant
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
Warren G was one.
Nate Dogg was another.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)
*shakes head*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:04, Reply)
\:D/

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Emilio Estevez was also one.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:05, Reply)
These names mean fuck all to me.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:06, Reply)
Ultravox's re-record with alternative lyrics...

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
Never.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:00, Reply)
My all time favourite one
is when it became apparent that I had signed off the printing of 250,000 catalogues, containing a photo which under a magnifying glass clearly showed two magazine files used as props, which were labelled 'CHILD PORN' and 'LAWSUITS'.

LOL.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:05, Reply)
I remember this

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
LOL YOU SHIT EMPLOYEE.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
^ YET MORE BULLYING.
What have I done to deserve your singling me out for this relentless cyber-bullying?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:08, Reply)
Did you get in trouble for this?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Luckily my boss wasn't so cretinously simplistic
as to blame a single person for it.

cf the Iraq war
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
LOL!!!!!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
Oh man, that's hilarious.
Of course you realise that as the person who signed it off, it does actually rest on your shoulders, no matter how much you want this not to be the case.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:23, Reply)
He blamed the stylist.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
She admitted the other day that you'd done nothing.
She rolled a dice, your name came up. She's just being a relentless harridan.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:13, Reply)
Hmmmm never been described as a harridan before....
I think I like it. But I'm not sure.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
YOU JUST ANNOY ME.
You with your PONYTAIL and your getting the HOT GIRL and your SAMURAI SWORDSD and your MASSIVE DRUGS. I mean FUCK, why can't I have a life that good?!
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
We can't all be life's winners like me.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:17, Reply)
The strikethrough is too obvious. I can't be bothered.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:28, Reply)
were you going to change Winners to Weiners?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Allow me....
w s
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I'm sure you can have a ponytail.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)
I do have one. But it's not cool

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)
Comfort yourself by knowing his will fall out in the next few years.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:31, Reply)
AWESOME.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)
lolz

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
we just released a widely distributed response paper.
The external copywriters used the phrase 'bi-polar', which I made them change to 'polarised'.

FFS.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:09, Reply)
Is this you "big" problem?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
No.
It was just lolsome. The regulator have no cause to contact me about that. It's outside their remit.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:13, Reply)
They'll see right through this now

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
It's a "glaring" mistake.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Fish for someone to blame

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Closest we've come to this was a client with ROI and UK paper, with the relevant currency printed on each
It had been approved by the customer, but I noticed that on the ROI one it used both £ and €. My boss was unsure, so decided to check it with the client. Turns out this was incorrect, and as a result, we managed to NOT fuck up 100,000 carriers.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Cool story.
won't put 'bro' if it's all the same, I don't Rory to start on me the way he does with you.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Rory only has a go at people who he thinks he can get away with it.
have a go back. It's fun.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:15, Reply)
Tbh, it was fucking obvious, how it wasn't spotted it beyond me.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:15, Reply)
FUCK YEAH!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:24, Reply)

When one of my colleagues offered me out and waited for me in the car park with a rock. I made a joke about suicide not knowing his sister had topped herself and it was the anniversary of the death.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:17, Reply)
Did you punch him in the ear?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:19, Reply)

Ha, no it was explained for me why he had reacted like that so I went out and apologised. I liked the guy he was, and still is, a lovely bloke. He ended up going home early.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:21, Reply)
I would have thought disiplinery proceedings would have been more appropriate.
Who the fuck finds a rock in a car park?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Fair play to Bobby for not making a song and dance over it, frankly.
Can't have a disciplinary without a complaint from an aggrieved party.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:26, Reply)
You can if the line manager has witnessed the problem/ issue.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)
They'd have to be pretty jobsworthy
to go ahead with a disciplinary if the guy who was threatened with a rock didn't want there to be one due to mitigating circumstances.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:29, Reply)
Yes they would, but it can be done.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:29, Reply)
It was in the countryside.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)
I think it occured up to 3.4 million years prior to 4500 BCE
and that was all that was available to fight the dinosaurs.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Dinosaur carparks are where they find the most fossils

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Those bloody dinosaurs had no consideration for future generations, they were just smashing their fossils over each others heads
without caring how difficult it would make things for us.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
I don't actually believe that dinosaurs existed,
being an adherent of intelligent design, and the moon overlords.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Just imagine how big the spaces would have been!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
And those bloody pterodactyls still insisted on driving even though they could fly perfectly well.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Thornbury,market town full of chavs
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)

It was a small independent recruitment company. Everyone knew each other and there were only seven of us. There were often heated exchanges. We laugh about it now.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
it's not that unlikely
you could find one of those little boulders they put in the plants around the car park
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
half way through a meeting I was in
because two higher-ups couldn't make it and it suddenly dawned on me that all this "we will do this and this and this and this..." in fact meant me personally. 95% done now, though.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
Hi there gang!!!!
I have to be SOLELY RESPONSIBLE for cooking a meal for a ghastly 'vegetarian' this evening and am asking you, the internet, for any cheap-ass but tasty dishes that you can recommend.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)
I'm going to sit back to watch the lolarious responses this gets...

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Chicken wings, fuck em.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
supernoodles

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Easy. Mushroom risotto.
Goats cheese and tomato tart.
Vegatarian Lasagne
Stir fry
Asparagus and fried potato omlette
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Eggplant soup
ratatouille
quinoa and bean stew
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Eggs come from chickens silly

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
But they're not meat. I'm not a fucking vegan, I'm a vegetarian.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!! ;p

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Chicken
Or FISH
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
They're both meats dickhead.
*vegetarian speaking*
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Everybody knows that chicken and fish are OK for vegetarians.
DUH.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
And cows

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
I think you're confusing them with Muslims

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Cows dont wear burqas

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
I HAD A VEGETARIAN FISH LUNCH

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Fish are the vegetables of the briny deep!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
PREZACTLY

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
No they fucking aren't.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
It was pretty much a vegan lunch if I'm being honest

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
DOn't worry about it, even if it all goes wrong, you can't be blamed as it clearly wouldn't all be your fault.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
Chickpea curry, with spinach and shit

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
I may do my dal and a mixed veg curry
as I can pretty much rustle that up with only the purchase of some coriander.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
IM PRETTY AWESOME YEAH!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
That sounds suitable and delicious.
do that.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Twigs and grass
Veggies love natural food.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
A decent veg soup to start with good bread
Sweet potato, boiled until soft. Mix with cooked red onion, cheese, peas, an egg and a touch of flour then fluff up the top and bake in the oven. I think a touch of chilli in there would work wonders.

A veg lasagne with spinach/green beans?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
SOup and a bowl of sweet potato?
I wouldn't be impressed with that.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
It comes out rather like lasagne
and you could have it with side dishes
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:40, Reply)
I am a Scottish vegetarian.
Gaz me your budget.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
Is your answer going to be neeps and tatties, whatever his budget it?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
ahaha it totally will be.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Is skag vegetarian?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Poppies innit

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Irn Bru soup and a fight.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Irn Bru is excellent stuff.
Most Jockanese grub is.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)
Deep-fried Mars Bars are braw
as long as they're in VEGETABLE OIL, pal
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Tomato and oinion tart - piss easy
www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1336/tomato-and-caramelised-onion-tart-tatin
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
I had that tonight!
plus with goats cheese. it was fucking GORGEOUS.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
Actually its' really good with some pancetta on top

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
Not a fan of pancetta.
I've tried it, so as to avoid the whole "oh you don't like it cos you've never had it" shit. Just find it a bit crap.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
you are aware it is meat, right?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
I am a vegetarian in the fact that I don't LIKE meat - not because I believe that killing animals to eat them is wrong.
if it's something new and I haven't had it before, I'll try it.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
Puree these 5 with a Curly Wurly.
www.lovefood.com/journal/opinions/16143/the-cruellest-foods-we-eat-lobster

Then tell them after they've eaten it.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)
To be fair, if it's white meat, it's alright.
They'll only make a fuss if it's proper meat, like beef and lamb. Nobody calls chickens things like Bluebell, so they don't care about them.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:42, Reply)
It's NOT fucking alright!
I have pet chickens at home! I'd never eat one of them.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
I would

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
Do you eat their periods though?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
Chicken periods? totally do.
They're essential in cakes.

I like cakes.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Same as everytime - Butternut Squash and Chilli soup
Take a large squash, top and tail it, slice it in half lengthways, and scoop out the seeds. Put peppercorns, salt, garlic, cumin, a chopped chilli, and some oil into your mortar and pestle, give it a bit of a grind, then dollop that over the flesh of the squash. Roast until the flesh is soft enough to be scooped out with a spoon. This can take up to an hour, and some parts will soften slower than others, so patience is key.

As the squash approaches the time you'll remove it from the oven, soften onions and a red pepper in a pan, before adding the softened squash, and add some stock (vegetable or chicken, your choice). Add another chilli (if you so desire), season to taste, then blend it in the pan. I add a little chilli powder at the end, just to give it a little more strength, but this isn't essential.

I use standard red chillis for this, but you can use stronger ones if you like. I attempted a scotch bonnet one time, and hugely regretted it.

It keeps well, and makes several portions.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
I am yet to have an oh shite moment
Because I am a developer I pretty much get left alone as long as I produce results. Hardly anyone above me in the pecking order even knows or cares what my name is.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:36, Reply)
How cool would it be if you were able to go back in time to when the dinosaurs were alive and camp out and watch them all running around and doing their dinosaur thing

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
I'd totally shoot and eat a Tyranosaurous Rex

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
You would get eaten alive.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
I'd taken a big stick to stop this happening.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
If you've got a time machine why not take a assault rifle.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
I doubt it would have much impact on the really big ones
except to enrage them; I suggest a tank
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Bull shit.
The idea that modern bullets would bounce off dinosaurs is bullshit. It's only because Jurassic Park would be a shit film if they just all shot them straight away.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
You need an elephant gun for an elephant, dinos are bigger, there a bigger gun would be better

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)
Didn't dinsaurs have thinner bones than an elephant?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
Hollow as well.
And also you need an elephant gun instead of a normal hunting rifle. Assault rifles are more poweful than both.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)
M16's fire rounds at 940 m/s armour peircing rounds.
Most specific elephant guns fire about 750 m/s.

Elephant guns have bigger bullets but then they don't have three round bursts etc.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)
Just pumping bullets into them wouldn't kill it quick enough to save you, although it might bleed out after a while
Also with such small brains a head shot wuld be hard i guess
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)
it's the ones with the big heads wot are trying to eat you

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Big head doesn't equal big brain

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
no, but big head on a theropod means easier shot in the hypothetical world of time machines and assault rifles and i'm off to play wow so fuck you all

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)
I miss playing wow. :(

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
It would hardly be fair would it.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Fuck em, they're going to be extinct.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
Oh my god,
I actually properly snorted with laughter then, it was very attractive.

You fucking retard.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
just don't tred on a butterfly

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
i'd like to watch my fellow campers go up to them and try to be their friends

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
I'd like to set a snare and then when I caught a diplodocus I'd poke it and laugh as it swung back and forth.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
mmmmm, brontosaurus steak!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
It wouldn't be in any way 'cool'. I hope this answers your question.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
It would Monty
and the blame for this would rest entirely on me as the one who decided to do it.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
In return for your helpful ideas I have a tip of my own for you:
This stuff is fucking delicious and an absolute bargain at its current price:
www.mysupermarket.co.uk/tesco-price-comparison/Red_Wine/Blaxland_Estate_Shiraz_750ml.html
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
Of course you have to business with arch cunts Tescos to get it for a fiver a pop
but quite frankly I'd do business with Pol Pot for some more of this superb wine.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
Why don't you just steal it through the self service checkout thing.
All the cool kids do.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Because it's hard to run when your 'trackies' have nine quid's worth of sweets stuffed down them.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
i fully support this chavtastic behaviour

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
I had a bottle of this on Monday it was well lush
also on half price in sainsburies
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
If I could be trusted not to cane them - and if I had any money - I'd buy a couple of cases.

So, one bottle it is, then.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
I ma a member of the wine society and have never bought anything for this reason
6 days after delivery I'd be knacked and out of wine again
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
My brother managed to maintain a two-tier system for about five years
(one rack of 'daily' wines, twofers etc and one of 'big guns') before he finally twigged that having a minimum of two dozen bottles of wine in the house at all times was not particularly good for him.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:01, Reply)
how's his liver?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
AWFUL!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
The size of a fucking watermelon I expect.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
I've had three glasses of cleanskin wine tonight.
I don't know what kind of wine it was or what percentage, but DAMN it was nice.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
cleanskin is great.
UK supermarkets still haven't properly caught on to being able to get the French equivalent for pennies.

Or maybe the British public won't buy it. Either way, idiots.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:54, Reply)
I fucking love a good clean skin.
this was a really full bodied cab sauv or something similar, lovely dry notes and smelled AMAZING. No wonder I had three full glasses.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Their white is OK and all
If you tolerate Chardonnay.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
The problem with "cheap" chardonnay is that to cover the cheapness they "oak" it, but not with oak (flooring)
but with a chemical which tastes rubbish.

I had an exquisite ad expensive glass of Chardonnay at Benares a high end Indian restaurant, it was great with the spicy food
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
You are achingly bent.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
yeah, vanillin.
I prefer US chardonnay, particularly Sonoma stuff. But a good Aussie one is excellent value. Wolf Blass Yellow Label on offer is the way forward.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Try as I might I cannot get excited about white wine of any kind.
That said, I once had an unoaked Chardonnay which my brother in law (a wine dealer and collector) gave me, that was fucking nom. I had a bottle of Cloudy Bay about ten years ago when it was still rated, that was also v nice.

The end.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Cloudy Bay is still rated
it's just about 30% overpriced.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Dog Point Sauv Blanc
Is 99% as good and exactly half the price. Give it a bash.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
*nods*

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
then your buckfast will be next
Manics lesser known b side
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
MIP Rose is where it's at

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
I concurr
When Tesco had this on for £4.49 at Christmas I stocked up on it. Fucking lovely stuff.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
i find it difficult to break into conversation that are in full swing
could somebody give me an opinion to voice just so i can join in?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
Tell me about the work ethic and efficiency of Asian men.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
all i know is they're lazy and innefficient

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)
this bloke is a fucking idiot who deserves what he got and has left behind a 7 months pregnant girlfriend
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18396623
complete fucking bellend
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:55, Reply)
on the upside they'll get the insurance, and his kid will never have to speak to him

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
thank you for adding a rainbow to an otherwise cloudy story
xxxx
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
I don't think insurance will pay out for a base jumping accident, will it?
Isn't it fundametally excluded on the grounds it's statistically equivalent to suicide?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)
ITS EXTREME SPORTS MAN
life policy would have to pay out as it was 'an accident', probably not holiday insurance though
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
nah, its an illegal activity and not considered an extreme sport, badger is right
again
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
FUCK HIM AND HIS HOCKEY TOP EMBLAZONED WITH THE LEGEND 'BADGER'

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:08, Reply)
PRICKENAMEN

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:10, Reply)
Rory is correct.
But it depends on the policy wording.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
Quentin - voice of fucking reason.
I agree entirely.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
stupid prat.
HUMANS ARE NOT MEANT TO FLY LIKE THAT.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
he was basejumping, as in illegally jumping off a FUCKING CLIFF
with a parachute, dickhead (as in he was a dickhead, not you)
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
Hey, I got what you meant, and I totally agree.
I have no idea what possesses people to do that.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
The rush

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
The freaks.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
i prefer def leppeard

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Maybe he was trying to escape the tedium of Rush?
Maybe his missus kept putting on album after album of tedious prog noodling and he just snapped.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
i'd jump off a cliff if i had to listen to jessie j

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
you already have twice today, maybe you should take a trip to the East Kent coast yeah?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:09, Reply)
why east kent?
i meant one more time today, i'm alright now
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
That's where beachy head is

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:14, Reply)
and?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
UKs most popular suicide beauty spot

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)
so?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
fa?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Re?
"a drop of golden sun."
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
<homer>D'OH!!</homer>

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
I think he's saying you should go there to commit suicide.
What an awful thing to do.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
waht a complete and utter BASTARD

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
Excitement, simple as

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
Nutters.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
The stupid cunts should smoke DMT.
That's a billion times more exciting than that shit, costs fucking loads less - and you don't die.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)
I've always wanted to try it but knowing what your getting in Cornwall puts me off

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Far and away the most mental experience I've ever had.
Makes jumping off a cliff seem about as thrilling as shopping for carpets in MK on a wet Tuesday in March.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
I don't know how I'd cope taking a hallucinogenic.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:28, Reply)
I don't know how I'd cope shopping for carpets in MK

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
I don't know how anyone would cope with that really.
sounds as torturous as getting fingernails pulled out one by one with pliers.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
Many people should go nowhere near them.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I think if I had someone who was sober at the time I'd be okay.
as long as they didn't deliberately try to fuck with my head. Like I KNOW you would Monts.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:50, Reply)
How much and where from?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)
Just go up to the largest spade in Brixton and ask.
he will thank you profusely and will refuse to take any money for it.

Just mention my name (my real name is Oicoon)
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:23, Reply)
Top man! You're a good egg, Monts.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
Here to help.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:32, Reply)
I tend to shy away from hallucinogens these days.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
I had about 15 years off but I am super-enthusiastic about them again.
I would very much like to buy some LSD but no longer have the contacts.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:31, Reply)
Some friends and I were trying to buy some weed in Berlin a couple of years ago
And this was pretty much the advice we were given - ask some black people.
Eventually we were directed to a club where we might find some drug-dealing black people. We walked in to this club, ticking off stereotypes left right and centre, three white English boys (the only white faces in there), booming music on a stereo. We ordered three Jack Daniels (one of about two or three drinks available at the bar) then my friend asked the guy sitting next to him if he knew where we could get some weed. He called over another guy, who ducked behind the bar and pulled out several bags.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:33, Reply)
then what happened?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
He had a cool story bro.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:36, Reply)
He sure did

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Hey *puts sunglasses on* - I'm a cool guy.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
You ginger cunt

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)

gifsoup.com/view/1139482/horatio-s-sunglasses.html
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:50, Reply)
Sorry I was getting bored with how long that story turned out to be.
We bought some weed, started to head back to our hotel, realised we'd been short-changed so went back - whereupon our honest drug-dealer friend produced the correct change for us. Strange night.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
I can't believe you actually had the balls to go back to a drug dealer for the correct change.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
sounds like BS to me.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
Don't start bullying me now

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Not my fault you told a shit story.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
I was more the nervous guy shitting himself on the sidelines, while one of my friends did all the talking.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
Just cos their black doesn't mean you can shit on their dance floor you awful racist

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
alright, if you've been to germany prove it
what's the german for "i like art?"
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
I love that you finished this and it's still shit

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
In better hands this should be quite a cool story
Bro.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
that's /offtopic for you

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:42, Reply)
Spanky Hanky would have nailed it!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
my close personal gazbuddy
i regret sharing that special moment now, it feels cheapened somehow
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:46, Reply)
I hear they have excellent natural rhythmn and consequently are very good at dancing.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:35, Reply)
+ under horizontal sticks about 8" off the ground.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
Which, AHAHAHA, is also true, AHAHAHAHAHA, of YOU RIGHT!!!! COS UR ALL SHORT AND SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
OH MAN YOU SHO' NUFF GOT HIM THERE!!!!!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
It's entirely down to me, and not the rest of you for being complicit.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
it's not flying
so much as a barely controlled plummet
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)
or an 'Off Topic', as we call it.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
Agreed
Whenever I see one of those videos of twats jumping off buildings in cities I hope their chute fails. Did you see those cunts going up the outside of the building on the lift? It looked sort of staged but I really wanted them the be horrifically injured
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)
done properly its spectacular
but jumping off a cliff is idiotic
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:10, Reply)
I like the way a bloke saw it happened chatted to him and then just fucked off on a boat trip.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
he assumed the guy was going to be ok
but that must've been one hell of a phonecall to his preggo girlfriend 'hi love, yeah, fucked up, yeah, soz about making you a single parent and that, yeah, soz.

tell barry i said 'bye', alright? ta-ra!'
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
Haha Barry 5am cliff death

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)
couchrape

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)
HAHAHA
The eyewitness is fucking hilarious!

I saw a man hanging for his death, but then my boat came and I went home.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
He's Dutch, he probably didn't want to be rude and stare.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:07, Reply)
He didn't want to misch out on schome schex so off he went.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:09, Reply)
Excusche me, but I think you'll find he didn't want to misch out on his next weed schesch.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:10, Reply)
bullying monty again, eh fingers?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:11, Reply)
yup.
it's too much fun. now I see why all those kids bullied me through primary and high school. Having a victim to tormet and reduce to tears is just the bees knees.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
so mean!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:13, Reply)
You fucking love it.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:14, Reply)
It's relentless.
And no matter which mods I gaz she just walks clean away, man. She'd got those bitches in her pocket - I don't know how but she's fucking untouchable.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:14, Reply)
It's because any time they come to tell me off, I just talk to them on skype,
and I just like, fold my arms under my boobs and I'm all "I'm SO sorry, it'll NEVER happen again" and pouty and big eyed.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
+with a vibrator, and my fingers and lube

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:17, Reply)
STOP READING MY MIND!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)
i'm not, i know sign language

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:20, Reply)

mind webcam
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)

READ WHETT
D GE
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)
I'd have left him to it
I mean a boats a boat, it' not coming back in fifteen minutes or anything like that
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:12, Reply)
He's no Xander Berkeley that's for sure
Berkeley Cage

I hope he said "I live for this shit" before he jumped
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:06, Reply)
i'm dealing with someone else's RIGHT NOW
poor person has fucked up royally.

in other news, so have i. this morning, lastminute had top price tickets to the play i want to see for £25 each. when i went to buy them just now, the deal has finished and they are £50 each. i'm not buying shit top deck seats, fuck you last minute, fuck you right in your pink ass.

the daily telegraph had them for £35, so there. but since when does a newspaper sell theatre tickets?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:25, Reply)
erm, since always?
try coming to australia, you can frequently get tickets to theatres by contacting the newspapers that advertise them.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
You crazy australians and your mixed up ways.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:37, Reply)
*beams and poses*
it's delightfully whimsical.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
malc made me a cup of tea but it was really strong
i like strong tea, but this was like Little Chef tea

:'(
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:29, Reply)
Oh man, Ben Elton once did a HILARIOUS sketch about the amount of tea in a littel chef tea pot and the napkins that don't soak up liquid.

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
Ben Elton was never funny
how come he got on telly and rich and that?
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
He did stuff and people gave him money for that stuff
Dunno how he got on telly, footlights or some shit
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
People are pricks?

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:44, Reply)
The Doorszzzzz

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:45, Reply)
that's true, but even so there are limits

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
2 Unlimited's shame-faced comeback single

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:52, Reply)
i've only ever eaten at little chef once
it was £5 for garlic mushrooms, and when they came, i got 4. FOUR.

little thief, more like.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:38, Reply)
oh, how drole!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
we all know you smiled

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:39, Reply)
i did, i clicked it too
i was airing my appreciation
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
I guess her dining partner wasn't a fun-gi to be with!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
and battered was the cook!

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:43, Reply)
said fun-gi was a girl
and she stole one. bitch cost me £1.25.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
Bitches be trippin with their prices these days

(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:51, Reply)
i just put on the wonderwoman theme for sue
sue's amazing, and the wonderwoman theme is amazing too, really funky

omg its da best
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
On the other hand
it got you out of perpetuating a shitty situation with an idiot.
(, Wed 11 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)

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