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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Weekend good - weekend bad?
Tell me of your weekend. Tell me of your best and worst weekends?

Alt:
Dating fails
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 9:59, 214 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Yer, pretty good.
Mainly family lols, including taking little tangle to the fair (grim) and running around the woods with baby tangle and letting a pushchair roll into a river.

Alt: I've never been on a date.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:05, Reply)
It must be a full moon or something as my two were little shites all day Saturday
Just what you need after a hard week at work.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Full moon was last weekend 19th
Mine became werewolves.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:19, Reply)
Can't remember. Sorry.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Must have been a good one then

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:08, Reply)
I feel like it must have been. I'm reasonably sure about that.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:09, Reply)
Sounds like "someone" got buttsex this weekend

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:09, Reply)
I don't think I was *that* violated, maybe just a bit though.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:10, Reply)
Just the tip

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:11, Reply)
Only for a minute. I am pretty frigid.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:11, Reply)
Excellent weekend thanks - had micro for the whole weekend. Very tiring though.
Alt: had quite a few, but this one stands out; blind date about 9 years ago. I'd arranged for a mate to call me about an hour in to the date, so I could make an excuse to leave if she turned out to be dull or visually offensive.

You know sometimes that you can overhear what is being said to someone on their mobile? Well that happened. My mate's rather loud words were 'stick or twist? Babe or minger?'

The dated ended about 3 minutes later.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:07, Reply)
hahahaha!
Ouch
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Was she a mong then?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:10, Reply)
Could have been shown at Crufts.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:13, Reply)
nice

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:18, Reply)
I don't remember too much of the weekend.
Sadly, this is due to sheer exhaustion. And possibly age-related memory loss. But mostly exhaustion.
Alt: I have never been on a date.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:12, Reply)
this^
I am totally knackered
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:18, Reply)
I'd high five that, but I can't muster the energy.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:22, Reply)
meh

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Good weekend - did little, drank lots, watched Argo (good, interesting), and The Impossible (also good and interesting, if a bit schmaltzy).
Dating fails? I've got them in spades:

b3ta.com/questions/nightsoutgonewrong/post1133944

b3ta.com/questions/bedroomdisasters/post1254317

b3ta.com/questions/decisions/post876342

EDIT: and this one:

b3ta.com/questions/houseguests/post1033435
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:15, Reply)
Excellent stories

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:24, Reply)
CHeers. It really is a wonder how I ever got laid.
I was the dating equivalent of Laurel & Hardy.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Bad: had to come back from hollipops
Good: Winning at Old Trafford.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:22, Reply)
Curate's egg of a weekend
Saturday not bad with some beer and remarkably good, simple pub food. Sunday, G/F turned a simple 1&1/2 hour job into a 4 hour marathon, there was very little beer, a hospital visit dodging the chavs in Nuneaton followed by a stroppy teenager giving a full-on tantrum defending the shite that is X Factor.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:22, Reply)
I'm fairly sure 'stroppy teenager' is tautological.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:24, Reply)
Yeah, I know
My two daughters were exactly the same. However, as the G/F's daughter is an only child, G/F hasn't gone through it before and is panicing. I've told her it's like training a dog - use as much persuasion as you can but never tell them to do something unless you are prepared to absolutely insist - and dogs learn more quickly.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:39, Reply)
It's a mix.
After buying a new camera and telling various members of my family, I've suddenly found myself the owner of a number of useful bits of kits, including the largest flash I've ever seen.

I've also discovered that my company have been giving me pay rises without my knowledge, presumably inflation adjustments. This does, however, also mean that I'm even crapper with money than I thought.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:27, Reply)
How the fuck can you not notice a payrise?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:28, Reply)
Nono, not "a" payrise
several payrises over three years.

I only just noticed this morning.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:29, Reply)
That your take home pay had increased a number of times?
You must get paid too much if you dont notice how much turns up in your bank or you do overtime every month, meaning each wage is different
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:31, Reply)
This morning I noticed that I was getting more than I thought.
I tracked through my payslips earlier and discovered the series of payrises. It's the first time I've looked since they stopped sending paper copies about four years ago.

I do get guaranteed overtime, yes. That fudged the figures somewhat.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:37, Reply)
With standby support, out of hours support and chargeable overtime
I have no idea what I'm going to get paid each month. Today's pay is over £1,000 more than a base month though \o/
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:39, Reply)
I do one to two late shifts a month
so my take-home is usually somewhere between one to two hundred more than basic. It's enough to disguise small fluctuations.

But basically, this is down to me being a financial know-nothing money flid.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:42, Reply)
Mrs Cow keeps track of the cash
to the penny
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:43, Reply)
OG is forcing me to organise
in the face of my not inconsiderable resistance.

I've still got a five figure sum languishing in a 0.75 percent interest account because I've not yet got around to putting it anywhere sensible.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:46, Reply)
In fact, it's only this month that I moved it to an account
that doesn't cap interest payments to sums of under 5 thousand.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:48, Reply)
eek
Get it moved!!
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:51, Reply)
I think I might get my wages paid into an account in my mum's name
and get her to give me pocket money.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:53, Reply)
I just made this joke to OG
she said it "might be a good idea"

:((((
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:57, Reply)
This is what wives are for.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Christ.
And I thought I was a money flid....
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:52, Reply)
Seriously, I'm utterly useless. In my somewhat meagre defence, it runs in the family.
My grandad kept about 2 thousand pounds scattered around the house in old VHS cassette boxes.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:53, Reply)
My gran had about that much in her handbag when she died.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:06, Reply)
I'm pretty much the same as you.
As long as the card never says 'declined', that's good enough for me.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:36, Reply)
What cam did you get?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:32, Reply)
The LeslieGrantham 1000

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:33, Reply)
Pentax K30.
I inherited a Pentax ME film camera at the weekend, too.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:36, Reply)
Weekend good
Did manly things with tools and concrete...

Alt: possibly a date that I turned up to off my tits both on drink and MD's I had only fleeting memories of it but recall being home alone at the end... I found out many years later from a mutual friend that had I not been quite so cunted she would have destroyed me.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:28, Reply)
I was chased for a year by some girl when at college but wasnt interested
I then met her clubbing some years later and was "invited" back to hers but was far too cunted to accept

COCK
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:32, Reply)
Its a classic tale and oft told
Boy meets girl
Girl doesn't want to sleep with boy
Boy finds drink and drugs
Boy has great time
Girl finds boy
Girl wants to consummate
Boy hasn't got a clue,
Boy sleeps alone again
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:51, Reply)
*pitywanks*

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 10:52, Reply)
Best of all the wanks.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:12, Reply)
That's the crywank

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:30, Reply)
I've done a few dates over the years upon first meeting in pubs/clubs
Whereby I had no idea who was going to turn up, nor what they looked like
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:17, Reply)
+ Reader, I married him.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:20, Reply)
My weekend could've been faxed ahead from the weekend before it, and the weekend before that...
I don't think I've ever had a proper date. Closest was when I met a girl in a nightclub and she invited to go to the beach with her the next day. Her sister drove her to pick me up, saw me standing waiting in my DMs, black t-shirt, black jeans and spiky multi-coloured hair and her sister said "D'you just want me to keep on driving?"

I wasn't much of a beach person, truth be told, and at that time I might have owned one grey item of clothing to break up the black and flip-flops could fuck right off. 13 years of marriage later and I now look like every other dad on the beach and insist on getting the most garish Hawaiian shirt I can find every year just to piss her off.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:23, Reply)
I hope you have now amended your narrow minded and incorrect views on flip flops, 'Bill Clay'

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:28, Reply)
nah, they can still fuck off
noisy cunt footwear for cunts
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:36, Reply)
I'm not a cunt actually. I'm cool, suave and fashionable.
Plus I recently learnt those pesky Americans call them 'thongs' so that must be a good thing, surely?
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:38, Reply)
well they can fuck right off with their 'thongs' and 'sneaks' and 'transparent aloominum'

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)
And their fucking 'meds' and 'vite-amins'

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:42, Reply)
His view on flip-slops are correct. Ghastly things.
boat shoes or bare foot.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:37, Reply)
Boat shoes are the definitive cunt footwear.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Coiming from a man that favours a flip-flop, I shall take this post with a fully jacked eyebrow
and a look of total disdain.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)
To be fair, I don't go out in them. And definitely not with jeans.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)
What on earth is a boat shoe

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:39, Reply)
Slip on jobbies. Also called deck shoes.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)
I had a google and they look like Clarks school shoes but everyone's wearing them without socks

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)
Have you ever seen a cunt wearing cunty footwear and thought 'what a cunty cunt!'
Those were more than likely boat shoes.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Or Nakers in his espadrilles

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:44, Reply)
I nearly bought some espadrilles for beachwear recently.
I class them as a form of deck shoe, possibly unilaterally.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)
*shakes head*

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Aren't deck shoes just boat shoes?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)
Yes.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
Oh wait, I've got muddled up over who thinks who is a cunt for which style of footwear.
You're in the 'for' camp for these, so not contradicting yourself.
As you were.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:50, Reply)

in the 'for'
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:51, Reply)
My friends backing me up as usual.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:53, Reply)
love you xx

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:54, Reply)
BOAT LOL

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:40, Reply)
Nice and chilled. Lovely. Flew by though.
Alt. Never really had a bad date. if they were boring, or not going anywhere, I would tell them and not waste more of my time than necessary.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:28, Reply)
I got extremely drunk and woke up at 4pm the next day in my own bed, so I must've figured out how to get home alright. Probably a good weekend?
Alt: Last date I went on she banged on about zombies and got upset when I told her the Hobbit was shit. One before that she just reminded me of my mum. Dating's fucking horrible.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:37, Reply)
I accidentally ended up having a 'three day event'.
I think I'm dying.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)
nice weekend but i feel like shit today and clients/massively pressured deadlines are driving me crackers
alt: loads. creepy christian guy, dwarf doctor who made up a fake dying granny to give himself a get-out clause, but clearly forgot about her because i am FABULOUS and tripped himself right up when i asked, divorced but totally ok with it guy who banged on about his ex-wife for 3 hours...
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:41, Reply)
You forgot the three off here.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:43, Reply)
They're in the 'good date' category
She's had a hard life
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:44, Reply)
those weren't dates

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)
Put 'The one with' in front of all your dates and it sounds like a series of Friends

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:45, Reply)
The stories are probably much funnier than 'Friends' which is a load of old wrinkly ballsack.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:46, Reply)
I've never watched an episode of Friends.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:48, Reply)
That's why I admire you so.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:49, Reply)
And I thought it was my rakish good looks

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Well, I wouldn't know about that. But from now I I will imagine you as a great hulking sex beast of a man if that helps?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
No, that seems quite inaccurate.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
I'll stick with 'fat neckbeard' then.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:08, Reply)
I reckon I might be the thinnest one here.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:08, Reply)
Typical fatty.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:09, Reply)
Independent verification
b3ta.com/talk/7616915
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:10, Reply)
Can't argue with that.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:17, Reply)
I'm very thin but pretty heavy.
Is it cancer?
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:18, Reply)
I'm pretty heavy and not 'classically' thin, is it because I'm a greedy lazy cunt?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:20, Reply)

k p
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
If we're keeping the 'good' bit, then I can live with that.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:03, Reply)
I have always said, if you *have* to rape, make it a 'good' one.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:05, Reply)
Similarly, presidential assassinations and acts of terrorism.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:08, Reply)
We can describe them to you if you like
OK fade in on Central Perk. A dark haired girl is being teased by her friends. We find out her name is Monica and her friends are called Joey and Chandler. She then oh I can't be arsed and flicking between here and the wikipedia article is too much work
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:52, Reply)
That sounds brilliant, why did no one tell me about this before?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:54, Reply)
This here attitude is the reason why you're such a well-sculpted Adonis of a man.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:54, Reply)
If only I'd devoted myself to giving accurate recaps of FRIENDS episodes
Wasted my life
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:55, Reply)
It's alright, we all make mistakes.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:16, Reply)
Ok i'll sum it up.
90's dickheads in waistcoats and bitches who are 'kooky' spin umbrellas, sit on a sofa outside and make predictable jokes for years, enjoyed by desperate sad women and endured by weak willed men.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:55, Reply)
Aw, did you used to watch it with your ex?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:57, Reply)
WHO?
Nope.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:58, Reply)
Are you ready to share your story yet?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:00, Reply)
it's even better than rory's elizabeth duke diamond chip engagement ring story

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:01, Reply)
It's a secret.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:02, Reply)
The One Who Shat On Her Chest
The One With The Baked Goods Wardrobe And Taste For Cock
The One With the Pleather Jacket
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 11:47, Reply)
I once fucked this lass and when I woke up she was gone and I had shit the bed

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:18, Reply)
Maybe she WAS the shit
Did you think of that
Did you
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:19, Reply)
Not really
I'm a virgin so am making it up on the Internet
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:20, Reply)
Maybe you're NOT a virgin
Did you consider that too
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:20, Reply)
No Theo
you are the demons
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)
Aw what?
I'm doomed.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)
SWM, 35 seeking SWF 10-15 for fun, friendship and maybe more!

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:21, Reply)
postcode dating now?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)
minibadger was christened
so mostly good. A lot of family about, which interfered with my options for drinking fucktons with mates. But the weekend tips heavily towards good, like a big fat fucking retarded fucking black girl on a see-saw opposite... a dwarf.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:21, Reply)
Christened, eh?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:22, Reply)
I didn't have you pegged as tolerating the God squad, badge

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:23, Reply)
It's no skin off my nose
as long as everyone accepts that I don't believe.

The deal is, she was allowed to be christened, and mrs B can take her to church, as long as I'm allowed to explain to her that it's a load of bollocks as soon as she's old enough to understand

then she can make her own informed choice.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:25, Reply)
TYPICAL RIGHT WING INTOLERANCE FROM THE GOD SQUAD

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:27, Reply)
Have you let Jesus into your life?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)
free presents innit

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:28, Reply)
Nah, I'd have invited people if I wanted presents
close family only, innit. My brother will produce something well worth having though, I imagine.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)
Christened?
More like MUSLIMED
BROKEN BRITAIN
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:24, Reply)
#creepingsharia

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:25, Reply)
brb leaving a pig's head on TMB's doorstep

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:25, Reply)
ROAST PIG HEAD.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)
I swear man, people going on about Chrstians throwing religion down people's throats.... to me it always seems the athiests do that the most.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:40, Reply)
alright yer
Got new sneakers on Saturday, watched some horses on Sunday. Cooked a Thai red curry last night.

Quite dull really :'(
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)
You're not dull mate, you are fascinating. Tell me more about these horses you fucked.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:37, Reply)
So this is nice eh

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:48, Reply)
YOURE NICE!
No, hang on, I got that wrong.....
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:51, Reply)
That's our word, you can't use that word

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:52, Reply)
I'm incredibly nice. You'd know that IF YOU EVER TOOK THE TIME TO TALK TO ME YOU RACIST

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:56, Reply)
SHUT UP BOU

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:00, Reply)
ACTUALLY nice is Middle English in origin and has nothing to do with bog wogs ACTUALLY

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:56, Reply)
I'm only a quarter Oirish I promise

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:00, Reply)
My ex has chosen today to start being a hateful cunt again.
Great.

Still I've just seen an ad for wuaki.tv
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:55, Reply)
Woes
What for?

I lolled at the advert over the weekend
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:56, Reply)
I can't have my kid on Thursday night when she wants to go out
so to spite me I now can't see her for an hour later with my mother as arranged.

I didn't help myself by calling her out for being on a clearly evident comedown on sat and clearly drunk yesterday afternoon.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 12:59, Reply)
She gets more and more delightful.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:02, Reply)
Is there no way to arrange an 'accident' or something?

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:03, Reply)
I'm tempted to just turn up at the school anyway

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:06, Reply)
Pretty sure that'll do you more harm than good, mate.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:13, Reply)
yeah I won't do it really

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:18, Reply)
Just full on kidnap her and run off to, I don't know, Pakistan or somewhere.
That's what people usually do, I think.
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:21, Reply)
Wearing a wig is key in this situation. I can't stress that enough.

(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:23, Reply)
New thread
if indeed it is.....etc, etc
(, Mon 30 Sep 2013, 13:44, Reply)

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