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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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OFFTOPIC THREAD GENERATOR ACTIVATED 08/11/2013 08:37AM
GENERIC NEWS QUESTION.....................STATUS OK
ALT: GENERIC FOOD QUESTION.............STATUS OK
ALTALT: GENERIC WAKKI QUESTION.....STATUS OK
RUN PROGRAMME.......................................................GO
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:37, 172 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Beer last night with mate who - as a new father, is now totally un-pub fit, which was great.
Run this morning to clear hangover, as since I've been getting fit I too am totally un-pub fit too.

Breakfast shall be honey and yoghurt or a sausage sandwich - what do the panel advise?

Alt: your all gay.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)
GOOD MORNING USER 49346
I am going to do cycling this weekend, and be healthy from next week for a few weeks. However, this morning I am having a bacon sarnie, but I would advise you to go with the sausage.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)
This was sound advice - I went for it, and I'm delighted to report that it were gert lush.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
I'm treating myself to cooked stuff.
Scrambled eggs, honey and leek sausages and tomatoes. Just need to get off my arse.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:01, Reply)
GOOD MORNING USER 87928
Honey and leek sausages sound well rank, please advise.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:05, Reply)
If there's pork too it could work

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:34, Reply)
^

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
waqqi fucken nob

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)
GOOD MORNING USER 63456
Please visit /calendar and remain there until the end of time.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)
FAQ is where it's at yo
All the fly chicks dig the faqs, do you understand?
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:11, Reply)
I hang out in there at night.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:14, Reply)


(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 8:59, Reply)
GOOD MORNING USER 30425
Thanks for your valuable input.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:00, Reply)
INITIATING POSTER 68951 AUTORESPONSE...
Fuck off, cunt.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:04, Reply)
YURTCUNT VIRUS DETECTED

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:05, Reply)
the Yurtles are well shit innit
Like a vegan Ocean Colour Scene.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:10, Reply)
The once quite good, now disappointingly shit, Moseley Folk Festival this year as one of their headliners had OCS performing acoustic versions of their hit.
I did not attend.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:13, Reply)
I may start attending some local folk clubs - any recommendations?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:19, Reply)
Yeah, don't.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:22, Reply)
it's a polite and mild-mannered click from me!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)
POTD!!!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
hi Battered!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)
I haven't really been to many.
There are loads all around the outskirts of the city though.
And the Red Lion in Birmingham is supposed to be good.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:27, Reply)
Pete Willow runs one in Monks Kirby IIRC
And there's some round Bedworth/Nuneaton/Atherstone. Been to any?
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:32, Reply)
Nah, I keep meaning to pop in to see if they would be suitable places for me to play*, but I keep missing them.


*it's entirely possible they won't
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)
I have a cold. There are effective drugs to combat the symptoms. This is a good thing
Breakfast will be a cumberland sausage sandwich - there will be no sauce as sauces on sandwiches are the work of a secret cabal of space lizards.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:06, Reply)
GOOD MORNING USER 43323
I am not a fan of sauce unless on fish and chips, but I have some red sauce on my bacon sarnie, and it's not too bad.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:09, Reply)
RED SAUCE ON A BACON SANDWICH!!!
SPACE ALIEN LIZARD!!!!
RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:10, Reply)
To be fair, it wasn't my decision. It was made and presented before me by a minion.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:12, Reply)
I would check the DNA of said minion
I feel sure it would show at least some alien space lizard traits.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:18, Reply)
They clearly need re-education
brown for bacon, red for sausage. Everyone knows that.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:42, Reply)
No sauces!
You sir, are clearly a space alien lizard come to overthrow the human race.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:40, Reply)
Hsssss

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:44, Reply)
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
INCORRECT

Should be the other way round
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:06, Reply)
Went for dinner last night,
Lovely pub in Fyfield, food was great, service passable, company terrible. Ladypigs dad is a nob.
I'm getting a bit excited about the new job. I'd done the maths wrong and it looks like I'll be earning about what I was at the pub if I hit my bonus targets, so that's good.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:18, Reply)
YO! Why's he a knob?
Plus good news money wise, but be careful, mo' money mo' problems innit RIP BIGGIE 4EVA etc etc...
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:21, Reply)
He's just a miserable shit bag.
Nothing is good enough, or everyone is out to scam him, I'm not good enough for his daughter, I'm an idiot for not having a job yet and so on.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:27, Reply)
Sounds like a cunt. Kill him.
Obviously you are a simply *wonderful* chap. And now you have a job, and you retrained and have a new career to begin, which I, quite genuinely, admire and respect. Fuk da h8rs d00d, you're going places.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Yeah, the guy is just a nob.
I don't know why he's so angry.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)
but enough about Battered, what about ladypig's dad?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Tell him you're good enough when you're up to your guts in his little girl.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:31, Reply)
He's a big fella,
I don't really want to get punched in the face.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Fyfield?
if its the same place I went to school there...
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:27, Reply)
Just outside Oxford.
Little village. Pub was called the White Hart I think.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Ah different one then
it was the one in Essex, where I believe Gary Linekers brother lived
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:30, Reply)
It's another COOL STOREEE!!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)
Two places with the same name, IMAGINE THAT!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)
I liked the bit about Gary Linekar's brother.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
he was jailed for tax fraud fact fans

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)
Its a relatively unique name to be fair
And you didn't have to read a mini discussion between old rust head and myself so NERRRRRRRRR
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
There's one in Wiltshire as well.
I wonder what the name means.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Here to help:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fyfield,_Oxfordshire#Toponym
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:43, Reply)

This village in the Domesday Book was 'Fif-hide', a variable distance, and ... its derivation (Saxon) meaning an estate containing five fields or hides.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)
Although it shouldn't really take wikipedia to work out it's a contraction of fivefields.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:46, Reply)
Now you point it out I feel a bit daft not noticing it.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
I'm beginning to think ladypig's dad is right about you.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)
click

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)
:(
Yurt prick.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)
I missed it too WP
but I too feel stupid so at least we are on an even keel
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Incidentally, The White Hart is probably named after a hart that was white.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:07, Reply)
Or the infamous Wye Tart
who held the record for most sailors drained for nearly 40 years.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:45, Reply)
I went on a training course yesterday
and ended up going to bed at half eight like some kind of old lady. Twelve hours' sleep is awesome. I should do that more often.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:19, Reply)
I am going to sleep ALL OF SATURDAY MORNING

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:22, Reply)
That would be fun.
I shall be working :-(
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:26, Reply)
I am quite excited about going to sleep for more than 6 hours. Also I think it will be the highlight of my weekend.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)
Alt: I did bbq pulled pork in the slow cooker yesterday
was a bit worried as I prepped it first thing in the morning and, mostly half-asleep, just chucked a bunch of stuff in that I vaguely remembered as relevant.

Fortunately it's very hard to screw up slow cooker cooking and it was delicious. Got it again tonight and then a couple of portions in the freezer for emergencies.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Can you chuck meat in the slow cooker with out adding liquid? I'm always nervous about using mine.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:35, Reply)
yeah, one thing about slow cooking is less liquid is lost
I basically bunged in a chopped up onion, half a bottle of Jack Daniels bbq sauce, splash of worcestershire, splash of liquid smoke, paprika, cumin, bit of tomato puree, brown sugar, salt, pepper. Rolled the meat around until coated and left it on Low for 10 hours. Came back, drained over a pint of liquid, shredded the pork and fished out the big lumps of fat, put the pork back in for 30 minutes with about 1/4 of the liquid. Lovely and moist.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)
I miss my slow cooker
Cooking a whole chicken in it was phenomenal. Must buy another.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:32, Reply)
I may be a vegetarian, and maybe a little thick...
But wouldn't bbq pulled pork need to be cooked in a barbecue?
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
Only in as much as Cajun chicken needs to be cooked by a Cajun.
It's more about the sauces.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)
^this
Also got a bottle of liquid smoke which adds a hickory smoke flavour to food.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:51, Reply)
It would've been more honest to describe it as pulled pork in a barbecue sauce.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Honesty in food descriptions is a battle that was lost a long time ago

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:47, Reply)
eating meat is gay
/consolidated
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:39, Reply)
You suck
/consolidated
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:45, Reply)
I only found out what "hotdogging" was last week
both the thing and the word for it. I'm so not gay.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:54, Reply)
it's friday
I have half the day off to go up to Staffordshire for a country cottage weekend with my girls

my user number is way lower than any of youse cunts except kroney, I think.

my phone is dead. hurry up and charge, phone.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:44, Reply)
hey! Bridget! Fuck off back to the hockey pitch and take that floppy haired Tarquin cunt with you, yeah?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:47, Reply)
i fucking hated hockey at school
that ball is too hard to be whacked at you with full force with a stick. netball ftw. nobody ever needed their jaw gluing back together after playing wing attack.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
haha! netball!
Like that's even a thing.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)
basketball for girls innit

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)
every year at my school, the rugby teams played the netball teams at netball on the last day of school
the boys had to wear netball skirts (one particularly broad hooker had to wear two, safetypinned together). they mocked, oh how they mocked.

and every year, they got THRASHED.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:56, Reply)
so what?
No-one cares, you hippo-hipped hooray Henrietta harpy.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:59, Reply)
nobody made you read it
go back to reading up on tips for how to get nuggets of your own shit out of a hamster's fur
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:02, Reply)
Is this lezza stuff?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)
what? no!
some of my friends from school and I are going for a weekend of drinking and playing singstar and the ones who are married will talk about their kids and the ones who aren't will talk about their sex lives.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Are you going to talk about your diet then?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)
I imagine she'll just bang on incessantly about how chompy still hasn't apologised.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:54, Reply)
yer because this place gets 2 seconds of thought in real life
it's a cottage, not a yurt. i won't be wandering around wide-eyed remembering the magic of that there technology.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:55, Reply)
Humour me and say it's lezza stuff.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:56, Reply)
yes, ok
we will start off by comparing breast sizes and reassuring each other that we are all gorgeous, then it will move onto bikini waxes, and a discussion about full, strip or shaven haven, before we start whacking each other with pillows.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:57, Reply)
You don' t know how happy you have made B3ta users.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Back in a minute

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:34, Reply)
What the fuck are you wittering on about anyway?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
apparently rory is taking you out on saturday
to explore the tenderly sweaty world of man love
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:49, Reply)
Give or take?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 9:50, Reply)
Who me? I like to do a Friday AM thread but last week I put effort in and it was met with disdain so I have made none and you cunts are loving it.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:02, Reply)
I like the theme of your thread.
Computers make me far more comfortable than people.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:09, Reply)
Minimum effort MAXIMUM IMPACT
Cushions and pillows make me far more comfortable than people.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:11, Reply)
sleep with fatter people

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:48, Reply)
I had a gingerbread latte this morning from international small business fucker award winner 2013 Starbucks.
IT'S OFFICIALLY CHRISTMAS
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:00, Reply)
Is gingerbread a Christmas thing?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:00, Reply)
It was certainly bullied at school.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:01, Reply)
Well, I suppose when you're out in the fields bumming goats all day long
without access to modern confectionary, then you may not be aware of the nostalgia surrounding gingerbread and Christmas, especially since you're probably one of them howling at the moon pagan types.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:04, Reply)
I'm making this year's winter solstice wicker man an effigy of a Frenchie

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:06, Reply)
You crack right on, son
I'll get The Man I'm so tight with to send out the Bow Street head-crackers to sort out you and your smelly crusty mates.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:08, Reply)
Nark

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:14, Reply)
Oh mannnn.
I love a Gingerbread Latte :)

It IS officially christmas
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I'm pretty sure the Toffee Nut one is identical.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:12, Reply)
So, Rory had nicked my Doctor Frog user name, and put me in ignore. Good that innit?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:27, Reply)
Well, you are kind of whinging about it.
I imagine the bloo blooing gets tiresome after a while.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:31, Reply)
FINE!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:32, Reply)
It ignored me as well
Reminds me of quentin's failed experiment
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:34, Reply)
quentin was a failed experiment
his parents should have aborted it
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:42, Reply)
quentin was brilliant
This place is sorely lacking without him.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:43, Reply)
Agreed
Bring back Quentin
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:44, Reply)
he came back as reggie
he'll be back again

like a dog to its own vomit
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:45, Reply)
I hope so

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:48, Reply)
Ahh, dog's vomit. Good times!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:00, Reply)
Reginald Donkeyfuck entertained me no end.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Unfortuantly, you can't abort at the 120th trimester.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:04, Reply)
LOL

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:03, Reply)
I thought you two were bum chums

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:05, Reply)
SYSTEM ERROR 505: ABORT!
Areet folks?

Im off out for a few beers round Didsbury after work tonight and I reckon it's been a good few months or more since my last proper session.
I predict I will be mortal and in bed by 10 with a kebab for good measure! Winning!

Just need to get this work thing out the way first.

How are we all?
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:57, Reply)
Food wise is pretty much a fail.
Belvita breakfast biscuits and an apple.

Have a rice pot for lunch from Uncle Ben.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 10:58, Reply)
George and Vulture for lunch.
Chop house where Dickens wrote Pickwick Papers.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:01, Reply)
Is "in bed by 10 with a kebab" gay slang for picking up a Turkish fella?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:00, Reply)
I already have a nice non Turkish fella, cheers!
Meeting the in-laws tomorrow.
He's more nervous about it than me, but Mothers love me so Im cushty.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:05, Reply)
Swipe's dream night out.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
I'm excellent thanks.
I fancy getting shut faced, but current budget constraints leave that out of the question.
Next week however, we'll see.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:09, Reply)
*new zealand lols*

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:10, Reply)
Sounds more norn iron to me
Ah'm gutting shut feeeeaced
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:13, Reply)
excellent
We have a nornirn chap here and get him to say mirror

You get mrrrrrrrrrrr
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:19, Reply)
I have to admit I'm giddy at the prospect.
Tomorrow I will be hating myself and vowing "never again"
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:19, Reply)
is it wise to do an in-law visit on a nancy hangover?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:34, Reply)
Was up that way on sunday, at the cinema

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:18, Reply)
Parrs Wood?
What did you see?
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Kate Bush, eh? Eh?
PHWOAR!
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:16, Reply)
I never really got Kate Bush.
Weird face.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:18, Reply)

Kate
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:18, Reply)
POW

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:19, Reply)
Haha nice

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
So Kronely.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:38, Reply)
Hitler had the right idea about people like you.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:20, Reply)
Presumably you mean putting me in charge of the genocide of all the people with deviant beliefs.
People like you.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
The Butcher of Uxbridge

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
And I'll include you in my genocide as a kind of bonus.
I do not live in Uxbridge. Never have.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:27, Reply)
Oh shut up, Mr Uxbridge.

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:45, Reply)
Kate Bush you all say?
b3ta.com/questions/letterstheywillneverread/post655652
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:34, Reply)
That guy has an interesting signature.
I think he might be an old skool internet pervert.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:39, Reply)
*fears*
I fucking hate Kate Bush
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:18, Reply)
^ gay

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:19, Reply)
As a child I was scared of:
Kate Bush
Elton John
Jimmy Savile
Gary Glitter

By the power of science this make Bush a nonce
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:20, Reply)
My friend had a fear of Frank Sidebottom.
Still does I think.

I hated Zelda from Terrahawks
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:21, Reply)
Frank Sidebottom also makes the list

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:22, Reply)
See also:
Timmy Mallett
Grotbags
Biggins
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:22, Reply)
How can you be scared of Biggins?
He's like a real life Pantomome Dame
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
I fucking hate pantomimes
and musicals
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:26, Reply)
This is a reasonable position
Being scared of them, however, is not.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:27, Reply)
OK, Mallett, Grotbags and Biggins are not on the "scare" list
The others stay
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Just what kind of crybaby wimp were you as a child?

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:25, Reply)
My noncedar was finely tuned
Biggins will be on Yewtree soon enough, mark my words
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:26, Reply)
Biggins likes big rough manly men, if I'm any judge*.
He's too feminine to be an aggressive nonce.

*I am
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:28, Reply)
Babooshka Babooska!

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:20, Reply)
*runs up hill*

(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:24, Reply)
Morning all
Off to Nottingham tonight, not particularly looking forward to that journey. Pissed off that I can't take my laptop with me, but ah well. (no bag for it)

Alt: Cooked 6 sausages last night, saved 3 for a sausage sandwich this morning, that was nice.
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:19, Reply)
It's all go innit!
Smartphones do it all, pretty much anyway
(, Fri 8 Nov 2013, 11:21, Reply)

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