Woe is me.
Tell me why you're unhappier than I am and thus cheer me up.
EDIT: You losers rock!
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:38, 355 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have 20 boxes of books
A fucking slow computer to put them on
My wrists hurt from typing
Eyes sting
Daddy said I couldn't have a new pony.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

I'm unhappy
as I'm not near your boobs.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

I'm unhappy because TGB
doesn't like me and then I tried to be nice and she was mean and I wasn't nice and now i'm sad.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:48, Reply)

Because
You're an even bigger cunt than I have and don't deserve to be happy
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:51, Reply)

I love both of you.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:51, Reply)

But you love me a bit more don't you.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)

Meet me in the back row of the cinema on Saturday and find out the answer to that.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

She's doing it again!
Look, i'm trying to be nice and she's just horrible and mean and sweaty.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

She can't help it, her cavernous vag is posessed

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Yup
After I killed Bert I put his corpse there.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

You fucking cunt, I knew it.
He'd never not reply to my texts out of spite.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Yeah well
I still have room up there for more so you and Al better watch yourselves
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:06, Reply)

I'm not going anywhere near your rotting vag
it smells and I've heard it's haunted. By Bert.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

You wouldn't have a choice
I'd drug you and you'd wake up there.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:16, Reply)

Stays the fuck away from TGB and her bag of drugs

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:21, Reply)

That's what she calls her tits
she pretends she'll letting you motorboat her, but she's really injecting you with drugs. Bert motorboated her. I never saw him again.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:23, Reply)

You can see him again if you want
He's looking a little worse for wear but I'm pretty sure nothing has fallen off yet if you want to ram his shrived penis up your ass one more time
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:29, Reply)

I'm lonely : (
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

:(

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

It's ok hon.
Only 6 more months of lonliness to get through.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

You go there or he comes here?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Not really a case of who goes where.
More a case of shall we try again.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

Well, I hope you get the result you want

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Thanks!
You too.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:25, Reply)

I have no job, or money to pay the rent this month
The job centre are being cunts and refusing to let me rebook my sign on day as they've allocated the one day a week I go to college. They haven't yet backdated my dole money.

The object of my affections is a dickweed who doesn't feel the same for me as I do for them, my cat puked on my bed this morning while I was still in it, I have a test on Friday and still haven't started revising yet.

My room is untidy, I haven't showered yet after drinking all that beer, so I smell. My new flatmate is also a cunt, the old one is still here and is still a messy cunt.

I could continue...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

You win
Your life sucks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:43, Reply)

WHY DOESN'T HE WANT ME?
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Beats chest

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

rends clothing

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

screams like a girl

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

stamps feet

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

Is someone overtired?
Do they want a cuddle and a story before bedtime?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:47, Reply)

Get to fuck boy

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:49, Reply)

Now now, such outbursts are not acceptable
Now you have to pick between either a cuddle OR a bedtime story, you can't have both.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Put her on the naughtstep!

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

I'll naughty step you good and proper Al
rubs thighs
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Story

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

Ok, story it is then
There once was a Princess in a tall tower. Can you guess her name? Yes, it was Princess Becky of Letters, renowned not only for her beauty, but for her formidable fighting prowess.

Did I mention she was also a cyborg? Well she was, and when she wasn't laying waste to the persistent (if rather useless) armies of Algeordia with her devastating roundhouse kicks and laser eyes, she could be found doing whatever the fuck she wanted, because frankly nobody could stop her.

Suitors from across the lands flocked to beg for her hand, but none could possibly survive the trials and tests that she threw at them. Her withering gaze could reduce proud men to feeble boys, as all the flaws they tried to hide were brought violently into the open.

The Princess sighed a royal sigh (which incidentally caused a hurricane over Algeordia which ruined their fledgling farming industry for 50 years), and wondered if there would ever be a man strong, brave, honest and true enough to be her consort.

And who knows? Time will tell.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

clickin 'dis

(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Yay, I'm a cyborg, but that's ok.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Sleep all night
And work drink all day?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Heeeey, I was awake yesterday
and am only semi-comatose today
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Apologies
I shall be good, before I undermine the niceness of my story.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:20, Reply)

Can I have another story please
I liked that one
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Really?
Hmm, got any preferences? Same character?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Of course
I like my ivory tower as well
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:48, Reply)

I'll gaz you when I'm done

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:50, Reply)

Mongo the time-travelling dog!

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:50, Reply)

Woah, ok, I'll see what I can do!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:50, Reply)

because
you're broke and you smell
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

That'd probably do it

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Cos you haven't had a shower
and you stink of beer..?

;-)
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:45, Reply)

Feels your pain.
Why do the bastards not realise how fucking great we are?
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:46, Reply)

Because they're cuntish wrong heads

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I think it's some sort of medical condition which stops them from seeing how fucking awesome we are.
If only there was some cure. *sigh*
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Agreed

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Yes and women are all sane and rational,
I was in the same position as you about a month ago becky, and it wasn't a bloke.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:55, Reply)

*gasp*
Internet lesbianism!
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Better than lipstick lesbianism.
Lipstick is so hard to get off your ladybits.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:17, Reply)

I'm 50 on sunday.
Beat that for depressing.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

But you've made it that far!
Yay!
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

General ennui
and looking back at a raft of missed opportunities. Perhaps the two are related.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Actually, thinking about it
I've just been reading the QOTW and there's a couple of references to 32E breasts, and there's even one in The Times (about the model who did the picture for M&S's 'We Boobed' ad). Kelly Brook is also a 32E.

My ex-girlfriend was 32E. I miss those boobies. :(

Don't miss her, though.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:46, Reply)

Mine are 32D and are very awesome

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Maybe 1 less awesome
than 32E
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I doubt it and you clearly have little knowledge of breasts as it's D, DD, E
Ha.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)

DD doesn't count
As I don't understand it. Why isn't DD just E, and E is F and so on?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:57, Reply)

Because some people have inbetween size boobs.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

But...but..
There's no CC, or BB, or EE. Why the need for a DD? Why not just call it E and bump the others along one?

Bloody women.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

I like being a double F.
It makes me feel special.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Dear god, dont they hurt your back?
pendulous orbs they must be.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:06, Reply)

I'm nearly 6 foot tall and built like a brick shit-house.
They look in proportion on me.


Edit - actually I'm nearly an F having lost some weight.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

My ex
was about 5'3 and was 34GG

poor thing. they were massive.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Using my system,
you'd be an H.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:07, Reply)

There is AA though

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Yes, I know
I call them when my car breaks
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:09, Reply)

hang on
why would you need help with alcoholism if your car's broken?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

I was so pissed
I couldn't find third gear
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:12, Reply)

the only other AA i can think of
is some twat from Cheshire who posts here.

God, what a horrible person.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Oh...
You're so funny!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:31, Reply)

I know
I make myself giggle.

As for what you said to me last, I hate people who piss around in their jobs and bitch about students. What cunts. We're studying you know!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Ha!
Bullshit!

I'm working hard you know

tum tee tum
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Working hard?
You disgust me.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

...
You smell
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

Well you're a pervert
who enjoys diving headfirst into bushes
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

...
I'm still waiting for a but...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

A butt?
You're never going to find a butt. One that would let you fuck it, that is.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:45, Reply)

You say that now!
But wait until you meet my friend Rohypnol!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:48, Reply)

o_O

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

bit cramped isn't it?

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Yep!
Just like my pants!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:02, Reply)

My best friend's girlfriend was introduced to me as
"This is ___. She's a 32E"


30/32/F/G.

Cause I'm a chubber innit.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

More of this sort of thing!

(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

She's the one in my answer for this week's QOTW
that got her baps out, and then wondered why there were loads of pics of her naked on everyone's phone.

The Pet has nekkid pics of her on his phone, so his friend, when finding them whilst looking through his photos, liked them so much he sent them to himself.

I, thankfully, don't have naked pictures on my phone, because I think that would break it.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

How are you a chubber if you have the same back size as me?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

She might be 3ft tall

(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Close
about 5 foot 3
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Yeah but you get away with it
cos I like the Lysistrata. Especially the one with the rudey drawings.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:09, Reply)

"I shall not take up the position of the lioness on a cheesegrater"
has to be one of my favourite lines in theatre ever.

I prefer garlic to ginger. I'm sure I'm missing the story behind that username.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:12, Reply)

Street name in Hull
My favourite street name ever
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

There's going to be a Peach Pie Street somewhere
not that I read Discworld.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Without getting too personal,
and because I'm at work so can't risk a Googly, what does the Cheesegrater position involve?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:18, Reply)

If I remember correctly
It's basically doggie style.

Cheesegraters usually had ornamental handles, often in the shape of crouching animals. A lioness might have her rump sticking in the air, to make a handle shape, so that's where it comes from. Girl, on all fours, crouched like a lion taking it from behind.

I'll see if I can find where I read that...
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Corr...

(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Remember!
You have to swear NOT to take up this position! It is against PEACE!

I'm trying to find the actual word that is the lioness-on-a-cheesegrater. It's something to do with τυρος, cause that's cheese. Hmm.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I'm not
on a sex strike
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

They did that in Kenya, you know
I'd hate to be on a sex strike. I'm the sort of girl who'd pretend to be pregnant by stuffing a sacred helmet under her robe to try and get out and fuck her husband.

/will make no sense unless you've read the play
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Was that the
Spartan lady?

It's been a while since I read it.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:52, Reply)

I'm the Spartan lady mothafucka!
No, it was the fourth lady to run out. One wanted to strip her crops, spread her wool, and another did something else, but can't reembmer.

I'm the horny Spartan that swears a lot but likes Lysistrata.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Sorry, I'm thinking
of the Spartan man, who gets all desperate and agrees to end the war
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:58, Reply)

No problem
You get awesome points for knowing where the username comes from.

Are/were you username1? Does ANYONE know who that person is?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Wasn't me

(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Safe, just checking
though he was reading a different play. Can't remebmer which.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

because
I have one HELL of a ginormous stomach/arms.

When I got my statistics last, I think I was 38-31-38. It's probably gone up by then. I've just got a really narrow back. So usually dresses that fit across the chest are ridiculously baggy at the back.

Makes it difficult to wear strapless ones.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Ahh I see
I found out after three months of college that my flatmates had all taken bets as to whether mine were fake as I was even skinnier back then. I got £50 out of it, so didn't really mind.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Your boobies
sound like an adequate replacement for the previous objects of my interest, and would dissolve my woes.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Ahh, but you'd have to prove yourself first
There are many trials set for those who wish to chance upon my boobs.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:16, Reply)

You mean I need
a criminal record?

Hang it all Becks, I'm innocent.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Not at all, I set the trials, or challenges if you will
If you're successful, you get to meet the ladies.

If you're not, then I kill you.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:23, Reply)

What's the
first trial?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Licking your own elbow.

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

You have to be accepted on /talk
within three days
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Not worth it
Is it?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Your choice

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

You've just insulted Becky's boobs
By saying they're 'not worth it'?

Careful boy, her patience has limits.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

It was a question
If you have the answer, feel free to..er...you know, answer
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

I gave you the answer
it's your choice to see if it's worth it.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:49, Reply)

How does one
go about getting accepted on /talk?

The prospect frightens me, and that makes me wonder if I'm man enough for your boobies.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:54, Reply)

Just agree with anything JMG, Baldmonky or the Amorous Badger say.
That should do it.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:16, Reply)

yeah, usually people who are 30/32 are skinny
Not so with me. I think I need to get remeasured.

Or lose some fuckin' weight!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:15, Reply)

I got bitten by a mosquito
edit: it's really itchy
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:43, Reply)

Cry me a motherfucking river
I was vomited on
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:48, Reply)

and not in a good way

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:48, Reply)

It's right on my muthafucking hand,
all your problems are shit in comparison.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

/Get to fuck

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

I've been a bit nicer to you up there ^
even though I'm going through the pain and irritation of a massive mosquito bite.
I deserve a fucking medal.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:57, Reply)

MTFU

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Right back at you.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

No. Shant.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Well at least cheer the fuck up.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:11, Reply)

Fuck off

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:16, Reply)

This has cheered me up no end.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Excellent
/pents fingers
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

Nasty
Palm side?

They love the salt...
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

There's a good way to be vommed on?!
I've clearly led a very sheltered life.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

STOP FUCKING SCRATCHING!

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

I CAN'T

(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Apparently, those little gits can't stop sucking once they're in
Or so I was told.

And if you tense up the muscle they're sucking on, they can't let go.

What happens when the fucker fills up? It goes *POP*.

I'd love to see this...

Edit: YOU FUCKING WELL CAN AND WILL! Wash it or something.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

I've heard that too,
but when ever you see one eating your blood your automatic response is to squash the cunt.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:58, Reply)

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Must be true then.

I need to see this.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Don't make me come down there...

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:00, Reply)

Ask me again tomorrow
after I've mumbled my way through what I desperately need to say to my ex whom I've only just got back in contact with from two years ago and been told very, very gently and kindly to fuck off.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

'noon clenders
Basically [ex-girlfriend] called me last night after having a panic attack so we spoke on the phone for a while. Turns out she took an overdose on Thursday and ended up in hospital. Shortly after that she sent me a text message that sounded pretty suicidal so I asked her about it. She said that it was what she wanted to do and that she’d made her mind up and I couldn’t change it. I immediately called her house phone to tell her parents only to be hung up on as soon as they realised it was me so I jumped in the car and flew round there so that I could tell them.

Her Dad answered the door, I explained why I was there but he gave the impression that he was more concerned with the fact that I was on his doorstep than actually listening to what I had to say. I felt as though I’d got the message across as best as I’d be able to and he’d said [ex-girlfriend] was ok so I went to leave. As I was leaving I needed a moment to compose myself before I got in the car as I had the shakes and as I was about to get in [ex-girlfriend] came out to talk to me.

I say talk but really I mean “try to tear in to me for having the cheek to do something”. Eventually she calmed down and wanted to give me some books back so I went in to get those which resulted in a lengthy (and much more pleasant) conversation. A few things that were said though have really gotten to me (playing on some of my own issues that hadn't been a problem for ages) so at the moment I feel as though I’m not able to try and help her anymore as the cost to me would be too great.

Today she's given me a load more grief, made me feel awful for no good reason and has generally been a cunt. As such I'm now ignoring her completely. That doesn't really make me feel any better though. It'll probably be a week or so at least before I'm back to being as happy as I was yesterday. And life was going so fucking well for once too.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:44, Reply)

She's an ex for a reason
keep it that way. It's for the best
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:46, Reply)

She was never going to be anything but an ex
But she was important to me and I wanted to be there for her as a friend. Since I broke up with her she seems to act like a cunt no matter what I do. As of this afternoon I'm ignoring her completely and indefinitely. I've not got time for people that make me feel like shit and claim that I don't care about them when I try to help.

The most annoying thing about it is that things were going really well with somebody I'm very keen about and this could easily set that back.

Anyway. I should stop moaning, try to remind myself that it's her loss and get back to being really happy like I was yesterday.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

Oh V :(
This is indeed shit - I didn't know you were having such a hrd time of things.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

It's only since last night
I was the happiest I've been in ages after breaking up with her. Once this has passed I should have my mojo back. I've a week off later in the month and if I can get through the month on what money I have I'll be a happy chappy.

I'm going skiing tomorrow too so with any luck that'll be enough to clear my head of this bullshit for good.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)

I think someone needs pub-and-chinese...
How's next Tuesday?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:58, Reply)

I'd love to
suck on your fetid penis Go to the pub but I cannae afford to. I'm not even sure I can make it to Dit's bash :(
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Awh lame :(
If you can afford the petrol, I'll shout you dinner this time :)
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

I'll work out whether I can at some point tonight
This is on the condition that I buy dinner the next time.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Sounds fine :D
And you don't have to have sex with me in the car either.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

What ever made you think that I expected I'd have to?!
What is wrong with you man woman thing.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:21, Reply)

You wanna hear The List?

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:24, Reply)

Yes

( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

I'll whisper it to you
In the back of my car.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

I hope you drive a Honda

( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Yes you can
I will buy you all your drinks 6 3 some drinks.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:04, Reply)

You're fucking coming
I will buy you two drinks
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I'll buy you some booze
and you can forget the £12.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Oh yeah,
I'm broke too... Can you pay for my cigarettes for Download?
Pleeease?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Get stuffed.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

I've gotta let you fuck me?
*frowns*
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:12, Reply)

You're reading too much into that, loser.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Puts Kaol in quarantine

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

What?
Why?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

*points*
HA HA
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Why not?

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:24, Reply)

What about my
Human Rights?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Human?
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha!
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

You're not human

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

Oh,
It's like that is it?
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

I *had* forgotten
But I will pay you back if I don't forget again. It just wont be this month.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:11, Reply)

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

CONTINUES TO WORRY
*worries*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:15, Reply)

You'll forget again soon enough
and then it will all be better :)
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:22, Reply)

Not true
This time I've written it down so that I don't forget =D
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:23, Reply)

I'll buy you a drink
or get someone else to buy you and I drinks.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:09, Reply)

You have no option but to come to the stag do
I will buy you drinks as well.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Thank you all
You're too kind. I don't want you all to buy me the drinks you've said you will as I'd end up dead in a gutter somewhere.

This has really cheered me up as, for now at least, I don't feel so shit about myself.

*loves b3tans*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

And we love you Catface
and now I only have to buy you one drink. Score
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:18, Reply)

I'm just glad I'm not a carface!
*motorboats*
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:20, Reply)

If it will cheer you up
you can stick your head in between my boobs
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:25, Reply)

OK
I won't buy you a drink, in fact I'll step over your corpse and laugh.

How's that?





Contains traces of bullshit
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Tell her to
man the fuck up and kill herself already. Then you won't have to listen to anymore of her attention seeking shit
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:48, Reply)

I'd expect a Grammar Badger
to hyphenate 'attention-seeking'.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:49, Reply)

I don't think she's attention seeking
But she is a twat and can cunt the fuck off.

I'll just think about naked b3tans; that'll soon cheer me up.
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:52, Reply)

Haha!
Me naked.
In your mind.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING ME FEEL BETTER

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

STOP LOOKING THEN

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Not this again
GET YOUR COCK OUT OF MY EAR!
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Al naked
in your mouth
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

My cock
Doesn't do that pre-cum thing :(
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:49, Reply)

Mother fucking win
=D
( Captain V, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:50, Reply)

+ 8

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:26, Reply)

:)

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I never got to walk to the South pole because I hurt my knee and no one kissed it better

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:51, Reply)

I wank so much my penis looks like a well-used Ikea pencil.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

I tried to marry lots of women at once
but they found out and got cross and it turns out real life doesn't have a delete button
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:53, Reply)

CTRL+Z!
Your dooing it rong.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:54, Reply)

I tried to pull a b3tan online. On the internet by gazzing them incessantly
but I failed.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:55, Reply)

sorry about that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Not me, the other one

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

que?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

Ed

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

ah
it all becomes slightly less murky
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:30, Reply)

Oh!
I thought I was special in being singled out for that attention :(
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

Nope.
If you've not got a "Y" chromosome, you're fair game...
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:37, Reply)

Hahahahahahah
no
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Oh.
I can't believe it. Turns out I'm just a last resort...

*cries*
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)

It's ok,
Better to come last in sportsday than to win gold at the Special Olympics.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

I don't think sleeping with Ed
would end in ANYTHING gold.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Golden shower?

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:52, Reply)

oh my god
i just threw up a little in my mouth
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Heh!

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:59, Reply)

I'm now unhappy...
I’ve just been informed that my laugh is too loud for the office. When we have ‘quiet time’ I’m not allowed to find things funny… so between the hours of 9.30am – 12.30am and 2.00pm – 4.00pm I have to mean serious business. Booo!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)

Seriously
Oh they can all fuck right off.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:57, Reply)

I know!!
I’m not being too dramatic here am I!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Not in the slightest
You have a nice laugh. It'd be different if every time you laughed, you elicted a high pitched squawk
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:25, Reply)

Thank you! I am capable of that too...
but I don't think anyone in the office is going to tickle me anytime soon so they're safe on the squawking front! :)
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:28, Reply)

VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS HERE
NO LAFFING ALLOWED.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Exactly...
I’d like to think we can haz serious business but with funneh tiem too!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:02, Reply)

Everytime I go to a comedy club, the comedian comments on my laugh.
You go ahead and laugh. You're fine as you are :)
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Awww
Thank you, I am aware my laugh is loud and tends to set other people off but I would have thought that’s a good quality to have rather than a bad one!! :(
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

It's ace. FACT.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:05, Reply)

I second this motion.
Although I never laugh. EVER.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:06, Reply)

Thats a lie...
I'm sure I remember hearing you laugh when I met you briefly… hmmm… you were talking about hammers at the time so it could have been a menacing laugh… does that still count?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:09, Reply)

Whoa...
I've met you?
Shit... I had no idea.
Also, I don't remember, sorry :\
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:10, Reply)

I blame alcohol.

( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:11, Reply)

:-P
You did indeed, back in April. You were talking about hammering a bench or something!?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

He's a kaoltard.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Indeed.
Hehe
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:15, Reply)

Dammit...
I feel terribly rude now.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:18, Reply)

That's okay...
I forgive you, it was quite late in the day and in a dark pub.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:21, Reply)

he doesn't remember meeting me either
and I'm super-awesome

at least he didn't snog you and not remember it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:22, Reply)

Thank you!
I feel a bit better now! You have a super laugh too! We are great. FACT.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:07, Reply)

I bought an album by British Sea Power last week and it's ace
but I'm a little sad I hadn't bought it sooner.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:56, Reply)

This is excellent.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:11, Reply)

I added "Do You Like Rock Music"
To my Amazon wish list last year although I can't remember what they're like now.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:31, Reply)

women, innit
when I have one that seems to really love me
why do I want the one that doesn't
and that lives miles away
fucksocks.
( I_Was_Mordred, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Because you're lowlife scum
or greedy?

Or both?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:01, Reply)

AKA
Male.

All men suffer from this.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Neither, honest
Not doing the unfaithful stuff. Too old for that.

Got involved with A, was very happy. A dumped me.
Met B. I liked B, it wasn't going to work. Finished mutually.
Got back with A. Like her loads and she is loads better than B.
But I miss B.

Really I should start going out with C for six months, C being my right hand. Oh well.
( I_Was_Mordred, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:03, Reply)

Kidnap B
Keep her under the bed for when A is not around.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:08, Reply)

I'm a bit down
Not hugely, just a bit.

Due to knowing that I only have about 9 weeks employment left, I just feel drained.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:12, Reply)

because of paranoia about losing friends
One of my very good friends is the sister of my recent ex (aka Cunty McFuckbollix). I was friends with her long before I got together with him. I shared a flat with her for 4 years. Unfortunately, the whole being-with-her-brother thing seems to have fucked up the friendship. She and I were due to go out for dinner tomorrow night. She texted me this morning to raincheck it. This is the 4th time in a row she's done this. I think maybe I'm supposed to take the hint. I miss her more than I'll ever miss him.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:13, Reply)

This is horrible.
Losing friends I still care about makes me feel anxious and upset.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:16, Reply)

That's a pisser :(
Any way you can sit her down for a chat and straighten things out?

Obviously, she could raincheck it...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:17, Reply)

I find
that repeated pestering will result in one of two things. Either she will make time for you, or she'll eventually come out and say that she doesn't want to see you. Which will then give you a clear idea of what to do.

Also: *hug*
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:18, Reply)

Send her a letter or text or something
that says just that. You'll miss her a lot more than you'll ever miss him. If that doesn't elicit a response then you've lost her I'm afraid.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Yes. This.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:23, Reply)

Or, send her a picture of your fanny
and a note saying, when I'm not with you this feels all dry and lonely.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:28, Reply)

all of the above

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

This ^

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:34, Reply)

I think I'll do
what becky says. But probably not what al says.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:04, Reply)

You're wise.
Good luck.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:14, Reply)

I hope it all works out.

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:32, Reply)

I are teh sads today
Cos I'm lonely and have no money for fun things any more.

I also want a ferret. But can't have one. :(
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Ask Her Dok for one of his ferrets.
.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:21, Reply)

How many ferrets has he got then?

(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:23, Reply)

No idea.
Ask him : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Five

(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:30, Reply)

I envy you
My housemates have threatened me with death if I get even a single ferret, let alone five.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

But if you got one or two
You could threaten the housemate with death with them!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I've got 5 housemates
I'd need to get 10 ferrets minimum, kill the housemates with them, and then inadvertently start up my own ferret farm.

I'll just wait until I move out and then get myself a ferret then. Are they easily house-trainable?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Yeah
They're house-trainable, but expect things to vanish every now and then. They do like to steal things, I heard about one that hid a 5Kg bag of potatoes once.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Get a hundred.
Then set them on your housemate.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)

I'll need five hundred
As I've got 5 housemates.

Now, where can I get ferrets in bulk?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:42, Reply)

China.
But they'll be shit quality and fall apart after a few uses.
( Cawl, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

It's OK
As long as they last long enough to do my dirty work and off the housemates before falling apart, then I'll be OK. If they don't last that long, d'you reckon I could get a refund?
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

I'm getting the Fear and various feelings of anxiety
-Trying to work out if I want a fag
-Trying to get a backbone
-Trying to work out if I can get away with sending a "Oh hai how are you? Sorry sorry, hope we can be friends, come within 2 metres of me so I can touch you" text
-Wishing I were intelligent, so that I'd actually have worked when it mattered.

Oh, and there's a gig by the same band 3 years to the day that I went to last time, having lost my virginity to a guy I loved, and in a way still do. And am trying to work out if I should ask him to go with me again.

Of course, I'm not unhappier than you, but hope these lovely people can make you feel better.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:19, Reply)

Why are you going to measure where he comes?
And how can you stretch two meters?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Hmm? Measure? Coming?
Yeah, I think once he gets within two metres I can legitimately pounce. Any further away and I'd ahve to run after him, and I'd probably knock myself out.

Oh I get you! Sorry, not coming COMING within two metres, but getting his body within 2 metres of mine.

Fuck.
Hole.
Digging.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:29, Reply)

You're digging a fuckhole?
I thought most people came with them as a default?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

nah
I'm just enlarging it so the denizens of the internet can all fit in.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:53, Reply)

Better dig some more
There's bound to be people who refuse to share with others and will want their own space in the fuckhole.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Ask the guy.
But first, think about how you'll feel if he says no and decide whether that feels better or worse than never knowing.
Stuff like this is always stupidly difficult, I know.

And these lovely people have indeed made me feel better.
They're ace (but don't tell any of them - egotistical little fuckers that they are).
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:29, Reply)

we all know that you love us clenders
and there's not a thing you can do about it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:31, Reply)

I am ruined.

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:33, Reply)

Bitch!
*kicks in the shins*
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Well, it's not simple. It never is, is it?
I might be going to this gig with his ex-girfriend, who I love very much.
We're seeing each other casusually. Well, seeing isn't the right word. Whenever he can be arsed he'll come and see me and fuck me. When he doesn't want to fuck me he doesn't speak to me. His reason for coming up to the gig in Manc (other end of the country from where he's at uni) was to fuck me. I dunno, maybe I can just be like, hey it's just like old times!
And I met him through this band too.

But I dunno.

That's good to hear :) It's great you can count on internet love and friendship; being told you're worthwhile is brilliant. Keep your chin up.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:32, Reply)

Ah right.
Yes, the whole 'just sex' thing has to work on both sides; it's often fraught with problems.
( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:38, Reply)

It's a foolish idea
where one party (and lets face it, it's the man 99% of the time) gets to have sex whenever he feels like it without actually needing to bother with the whole caring about someone else part.

It's a very bad situation and if he's not going to stop it, you have to. For your own sake.

/serious answer
(Bazongaloid, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

Fuckbuddies bad idea
either the sex gets shit or the buddies part gets shit.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I have a higher sex drive than him.
And I'm the one pushing to be friends. He'd just rather I was a vagina and didn't talk, than actually see me as a human being.

I wonder why I keep in contact with him. Spose I just am weak-willed, and he's been part of my life for so long.

But thanks for the serious answer. In return, I will say, you are right, not only for the reasons listed but that I'm sure I could find someone better in bed.

(Sorry, darling)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:50, Reply)

*Worries*

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:03, Reply)

I have a son that I've never met
I'm not allowed a guinea pig, and you can't get pet Capybaras.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:27, Reply)

I disagree on the last point
If people can smuggle enough penguins out of zoo's to populate a small island, why not an overgrown guinea pig?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Oooh, good point!
I could put a saddle on it and pretend its a short, ugly pony then ride it out.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

Get several
Then set up rides on the beech. Much better than donkeys.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:37, Reply)

...
Just like your missus!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Get a sugar glider
that'll solve all your problems.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:35, Reply)

*agrees*
I WANT one of those!

Chin up, Spike, you have wonderful nipples. Remember that.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:36, Reply)

If they're so wonderful...
Why did he try and bite mine off?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:39, Reply)

I blame the drugs
That is the only excuse I have :0) I may have over done things slightly as I'm not allowed out to play this weekend.

Yes, I have wonderful, wonderful nipples!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Ha Ha!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

Anyone would want to bite your nipples off
You're an abhorrence and an abomination.

I.E. YOU ARE UGLY
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:43, Reply)

That's not nice
he has a lovely chin, tasty nipples and my mrs thinks he's cute
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

his chin? what's so special about his chin?
I was distracted by the fact he was a cunt.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:52, Reply)

Shut it!
You slag!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Those things eyes scare me
That said, their tails rock.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:41, Reply)

Bush babies?
Aye-ayes(or whatever)?

Sweet dreams, son of Atreus ^_^
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:44, Reply)

No silly
Capybaras!

Do try and keep up *rolls eyes, tuts loudly*
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Sugar Gliders or whatever they're now being called
Actually, most marsupial eyes scare me. So sticky-outy and round. AND STARING. FOREVER. INTO THE DEPTHS OF YOUR SOUL.

And why are you wishing me sweet dreams? It's quarter to 3 in the afternoon... What are you planning, woman?!
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:47, Reply)

Oh those
I likes them. I like possums as well.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:48, Reply)

FAIL
KEEP UP TO DATE METALNIPS
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:50, Reply)

HAHAHA!!!
I like that :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Possums
look like vicious little buggers.

Perfect for me then. Now to get a small eyed possum.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:51, Reply)

I was trying to give you nightmares
do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do!
/fails at "Mr Sandman"
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Ah
You probably should have tried that in about 9 hours time. Then you might have gotten a better result.

*Plays the intro to Enter Sandman on guitar*
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Fails
at everything
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Sorry, didn't hear that
You cunt.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Your harsh words
bounce off my mighty nipples therefore you fail.......again.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:00, Reply)

I am still best by the idea that
no-one actually likes me, and I'm only tolerated. And terrified that one day I'll wake up and think "was that it?".
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:48, Reply)

Time to wake up, Slippy

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:55, Reply)

Was that it?
OH GOD, THE NIGHTMARE RETURNS!
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 14:57, Reply)

You are nice.
I like you. Lots. So nur.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:01, Reply)

Awwww bless

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Innit tho.
I'm being pandered to. ONLINE.
(Slip Digby is a meat puppet, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

Hehe
'ONLINE'

Oooooh!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:29, Reply)

Isn't it lovely?

( thealternativefact, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

To borrow a quote...
You are a nice man, and people say nice things about you.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:06, Reply)

I wish
They did that about me.

I know that there are far too many people who don't like me!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 15:10, Reply)