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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Well I never..
It's often said that at the end of your life your regrets focus more on the things you haven't done than any bad things that you have.
So what haven't you done, and which of the following categories would they fit into?

1. Things that you would really like to do but haven't yet had the oportunity.
2. Things that you're pleased not to have done.
3. Common place things that people would probably assume you had done, but you never have.
(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:06, 262 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is this a subtle way of telling me I'm going to die soon?

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:11, Reply)

No, he's going to KFC and he's not going to let any australians know about it in advance.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Fair dinkum.

(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:24, Reply)

1. The dog
2. Dad
3. Your mum
(

Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Really?
I didn't think there was anyone who hadn't had his mum.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I haven't either.
Then again, I don't get out much. What with all the apple pies.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

1. Have sex with Al
2. Have sex with Al
3. Have sex with Al
(

girlinthehole, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Next year I'm coming round to your place
and we're going to make your bedsprings sing with delight.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

WooT!

(

girlinthehole, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I'm going to bring a list of Ian Dury songs to teach them

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I now imagine you with a line of springs in height order
arranged like partially-filled crystal wine glasses, running your fingers around their rims (fnar) to produce a strange, ethereal tune while Blousie sits in the background looking slightly fed up and saying, "So are we going to have it off at some point?"
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

And I'll be going
"yes, in a minute I've almost got them to play Mash it up 'Arry"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

1. Become an earthy song writer
2. Posted Ian Dury lyrics on /OT
3. Auto-fellatio
(

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:18, Reply)

What a marvellous question, so open to abuse!
But I won't.

1. Ride a Valkyrie.
2.Bummed\Been bummed by someone. Sounds messy.
3. Learn to drive.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

no way, you never learned to drive?
Did you try and spaz at it or did you just never bother?
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Never had to bother.
Always had women willing to be dessies.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 19:37, Reply)

Number 3 is blindingly obvious
1. DJ'd at Nottingham Rock City
2. Learned to speak Elvish. Waste of time. Most of the people who do are WEIRD
3. Had full sex with a man
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:22, Reply)

But you have had sex with a man.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Name him

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Barry the bender

(

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)

FUCK
bloody age of information, can't keep anything secret nowadays
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I don't know you didn't say
but you wrote on the internet that you had sex with a man. Are you saying you LIED!?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Correction
I never said I had full sex with a man - cos I haven't - although in my Doctors, Hospitals etc QOTW response I did admit that I'd had sexual congress with a man. Or men. But not bumsex
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

What, you've never left Norfolk?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:23, Reply)

I'm not even FROM Norfolk

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Pfft
It's telling that "Lied about where I'm from" wasn't your category 2 answer.
(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Where I'm from is firmly hinted at in answer number 1!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Oops Norwich.

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:27, Reply)

stupid
it's Northwich.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I've dated someone from Northwich.
Effffort.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I was just about to say Sthat's only in Cheshire you lazy mare"
but I'm thinking of Nantwich, where Darth is from.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I am painfully confused right now

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

He's a lying get, he tried to convince me that he's from Knottingley.

(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

How long has it taken you
to Google a town name that sounds like Nottingham?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

It is in Cheshire
but I was in Stockport, which technically is cheshire but really is Gtr. Manc. And it's a long way to travel when you're 14.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

He had Norfolk an' chance.
*drumkit falls off cliff*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Hmm
1. Be realised for the national treasure that I am
2. Had an unwanted pregnancy
3. Stolen
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I think you're a treasure

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

only a regional one though

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I'll settle for that
But I'm selling myself short really
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

you're still in the prime of life
plenty of time to go national
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Thanks lad, I might

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)

If I could
I'd steal the Crown Jewels, and put you in their place.
Partially because you're more worthy of attention, and also to see the confused look on your face when you woke up.
also I've got a buyer lined up for Lizzie's jewelry
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I've seen them
I'd rather get some nice beads in Primark or Claire's
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)

They wouldn't go with your inimitable style

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

it sounds complimentary
but really he's saying you dress like Bjork.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Slander!
I meant it in a purely polite and complimentary way!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)

technically it's libel

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Your face is libel

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

your mum's face is libel

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

I have no comeback to this

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Better off buried?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

He meant it nice you cunt

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:34, Reply)

And your teeth are like the stars.....
etc etc.

Love you really.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

1. play a gig in front of a really big crowd
preferrably of people who are interested and excited to hear my band
2. been in a fight
3. been in a fight
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:32, Reply)

nah I remember that time you and your mates bottled someone ;)
I'M JOKING!!!!!
Ooh I'm like Scrappy Doo today.
I blame my ormones.
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

hahaha
that event still amuses me, because of how polite the guys were once they realised identity had been mistaken
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)

"Please, do forgive us!"

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

"oh I'm terribly sorry"
"some oiks had set about us with a bottle and we made the frightful mistake of thinking it was you fine gentlemen"
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:40, Reply)

Eggzackly

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Why would we assume you've been in a fight?
You're a surfer and a stoner. Neither of these stereotypes says "aggressive motherfucker"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

because I'm tall, big and I look angry
genetics has given me a relaxed expression that looks like I want to pull your head off.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:38, Reply)

My relaxed expression looks woeful

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I look miserable and pissed off
people frequently say "cheer up it might never happen"
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Judging by your face
It already has.
*holds hat to chest, bows head solemnly, wonders if there's any good left in this world*
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I'm smiling in my current profile picture!
Albeit it's obscured by a cocktail umbrella.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

If anyone said that to me I would explain how my father had just died
Especially if it was him that said it to me.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

next time someone makes a comment about my parasol
I'm going to tell them I have skin cancer
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

hah
do it!
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

haha officesmirk

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Let's see
1. Developed a lucrative career in games writing/design.
2. Done any illegal drugs or smoked a cigarette.
3. Watched ET.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I think ET is shit

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I've never wanted to watch it
Same with Top Gun.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)

But Top Gun is fucking brillliant!
ET can fuck off, but TOP GUN!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Top Gun really is brilliant

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:39, Reply)

Just had no desire to watch it

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

it'd seem horribly dated if you watched it for the first time now
I suspect
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:43, Reply)

That's what I reckon as well
Plus I'd be watching it thinking "You psychotic dwarf, you're a danger to the free-thinking world".
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

I almost choked on my tea then you swine

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I am fucking terrified of Tom Cruise
I had a premonitionary dream about him being a wrong'un when I was 13.
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Coincidentally
'Premonitionary' is my favourite sexual position. The missus wants to get some of that delaying lube to stop it though.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

Hahahaha

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

It's not, actually
I watched it for the first time recently and it was awesome.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Oh shut up
a) you've been to InFest, OBVIOUSLY you've taken illegal drugs
b) everyone has seen ET. You could've got away with Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but everyone has seen ET
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:36, Reply)

a) Nope, never.
b) Nope, never.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:37, Reply)

"what never?"
"no never!"
"what never?"
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Hardly everrrrrrrr!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

thank fuck someone got it
I'd like to point out I only know that from Sideshow Bob singing it
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I knew you were going to say that
Because that's the only way I know it too

Although, for extra geek points, I do also know another number from HMS Pinafore as it was featured at the beginning of Star Trek Insurrection

Hehe... "erection"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)

which one was insurrection?

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

After First Contact, before Nemesis
It's the one with the fountain of youth (FFS) and F. Murray Abraham wondering how he went from winning an Oscar to being slathered in layers of prosthetic in 15 years
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:07, Reply)

not sure I've seen it

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Completists only
It's entertaining enough, but after the jaw-dropping awesomeness of First Contact, it's just a bit meh. Plus it's an odd-number Star Trek film
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Hugh Laurie sings An English Man in House
it made me happy. He also went to fancy dress party dressed as Percy, it was fucking brilliant.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Well done on 2
I'm a massive shithouse and even I have smoked weed.
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Thanks, I'm actually quite proud of it!
I don't judge others if they do, and I'm more than happy to sit around chatting with stoners, just it's not for me :)
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I judge people who take coke and rabbit shit at me and pin me in the corner to rabbit the same shit at me three more times
But other than that I'm very tolerant
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Well, yes, they can be very irritating

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)

to be fair though
some people do that when not on drugs
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

I hate them too

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I read that as 'take coke and rabbit shit'
and I was like "what is this crazy new drugs lingo?"
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Officelols you cunt

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I might start handing out raisins and telling people it's a crazy new drug called rabbit shit

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Poor Labs, again denied the raisins.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:08, Reply)

My fruity nemesis

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Poor Darth, denied again the significance.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I set 'em up
You knock 'em down!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

You've saddled yourself with the wrong Sam as your sidekick.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

I am reminded of this all too often.

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

it's not for everyone
works well for me though :-)
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:46, Reply)

You should be proud of it mate
I consider half the stuff they play at InFest to be borderline unlistenable without drugs
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I love filthy noise though
Some of it isn't hardcore enough!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I assumed as much
otherwise I would really have had to question your motivation for going!

I'm one of the annoying bastards who only really likes the blindingly obvious bands like VNV, APB, Covenant and Combichrist. Please don't hit me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I won't, I like them too :)

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)

That's all right then
Is it me or are Combichrist actually getting better with every album?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

1 Genocide.
2 Got caught.
3 Genocide.
(

stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:41, Reply)

are you sticking around then?
I like your face.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

Whenever I look at the clock and it's 11:42
I like to sing Lessons In Love or Something About You, but not Running in the Family
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:44, Reply)

I like it when it's 13:37
it's leet o'clock.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

^^ YES!

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

or simply
Pimms O Clock
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I always think of Pimms O'Clock
as being around 3pm, don't know why.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:54, Reply)

oooh I quite like this one, well done Duck of Caves.
1. Scuba diving
2. Snogged Chompy
3. Passed my cycling proficiency. Yeah that's right, I failed, shut up.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:47, Reply)

HA! Cycling mong!

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I know!
They laid out a fake junction system in the playground with white tape and I didn't do a shoulder check before pulling out of the junction.

I did pass my driving test first time twice though.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:55, Reply)

First time twice?
Riddle me that, Batman.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I passed
and then due to some, shall we say, unpleasantness my licence was revoked. I then passed again. Take that society.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

You don't get many poledancing corsetier hit and run drivers
Way to create your own niche in society, Kitty
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

It wasn't that unpleasant!
I just drove very fast everywhere and got told off for it.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Tsk
~~everywhere~~ over pensioners and orphans
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I have always felt cheated that I never got to do my cycling proficiency
they stopped doing it the year I was supposed to.

*shakes fist at lazy village policeman from 25 years ago*
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

must have been a local decision
i did mine 15 years ago or so
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

It was very "local" (in the "League of Gentlemen" sense)
but yes, just my village
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Snogging Chompy was not my WorstB3taMoment (TM), I don't think
It's hard to decide what is.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Fucking Sexface

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

You are correct.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

We need Applebite to see if the thing I'm thinking of is worse.
She knows what it is.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

we can be the judges of that
we like to judge
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Oh dear god who else did you fuck?
Was it Piston? If it was Piston then it's worse.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

If it's Piston
I need to set Lampito on fire, it's the only way to cleanse her.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Who the hell is Piston?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

This is Piston.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Ooooooh dear
anyone who describes himself as a freelance stand-up comic can't be good
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

The site's a joke
Made by a random b3tan to preserve the awesomeness of that YouTube vid.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

god that's so mean!

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

God bless cr3.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

Watching that when I get home...

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Piston Broke = Jimbob
= Arnold Rimmer
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Or, as Boss Keloid so beautifully put it:
"The difference between 9/11 and piston's stand-up routine was that piston didn't bring the house down."
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)

It would be for the best...

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

No, not Piston.
-oils chain on bike-
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Is that some sort of clue?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)

No, I'm just saying I'm a netbike.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Congratulations.
So are you saying you've not shagged Piston, or that you have but then you went scavenging in landfill and found someone even worse?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

1. I've not shagged Piston.
2. It was the situation I was in that was worse than the person. I liked the person.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Fess up.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I reckon Boss Keloid's slept with more b3tans than you

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

You might be right, at that. The man is unstoppable. Unless you give him booze.
Then he falls asleep.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:26, Reply)

I don't even think that is either.
I was tempted to put that in QOTW as an answer for this week's question...
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

is that your way of saying Sexface couldn't get it up?

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Oh no
not at all.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Hmm...
1. The ironing
2. See above
3. Been a friend of Dorothy
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:48, Reply)

-waves-

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I meant in the metaphorical sense
Actually, I did have a friend called Dorothy once.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

That's a big fat LIE
When you were living alone in your bachelor pad you had an ironing board and did your shirts every Sunday evening.

LIES ONLINE!
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

That wasn't ironing
I laid my shirts out on the ground and flattened them with my HONDA ACCORD!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:33, Reply)

hahaha

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:35, Reply)

So many things
1. I still haven't done my parachute jump (they've cancelled due to weather twice). Finish writing my book
2. A part time job
3. People generally assume that I am musical for some reason, but I've never played an instrument with any degree of success
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:51, Reply)

My skydive was postponed 5 times in a row...
It was worth it when I finally got to jump.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:53, Reply)

You're both fucking mental
Jumping out of a plane is second on my All Time List Of Things I Never Want To Do. Behind bungee jumping, but ahead of animals and heroin
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Done it.
Hated it.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Shame
I frickin' loved it! Plus I got to flip off the whole world from x thousand feet!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I swore at the clouds
and my stinky breathed instructor.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I paid to have photos taken
So glad I did, even if it cost a fortune!
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I'm really looking forward to it
should be fantastic. I'm going to do a solo one I think
(

Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I wanted to do a skydive, rather than parachute jump
So had to do it tandem. The guy was great though, let me control the parachute and do spins :D
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

My guy asked me if I wanted to
but I was like "no, I'll leave it up to the experts thanks" so I think he was a bit disappointed at having such a miserable cowbag strapped to him.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I would be
Although groin-to-bum contact would soften the blow.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

it's true, I think he enjoyed the bit in the plane when I had to sit in his lap
like a creepy father Christmas he was.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

I specifically told them not to photograph or film me
I'm unphotogenic enough without having wind-tunnel cheeks flapping around.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:10, Reply)

mostly because
you have already done animals
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

I'm not sure hamsters count
I'm thinking animals that could outrun me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:02, Reply)

fish could outrun you

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Technically, no
Although they could easily outpace me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

you do seem as if you should be musical
for some reason

I'm thinking cello, or flute
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:01, Reply)

is that because your massive boobs get in the way of most musical instruments?

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I wish I was a cello that Amberl was learning to play

(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I wish you were too

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Is this where someone mentions the obligatory pink oboe?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Which reminds me of the story about the famous conductor
who was conducting an orchestra, for a piece led by the cello. The cellist wasn't very good and she kept making some awful noises.

"For goodness' sake, woman", cried the conductor. "You're sitting there with God's greatest gift to man between your legs, and all you can do it scratch it!"
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

I think it was Sir Thomas Beacham
also responsible for
"Brass bands are fine in their place; outside and a long way from me"
(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Wow, deep questions
1) Meet the girl of my dreams.
2) Settled for any of my ex's
3) Been in love

Yowch, way to kill my buzz cave_duck
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I'm glad you didn't settle
that would suck.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Never even got close to tell the truth
a girl did ask me to marry her in a round-about-way. I laughed it off (and then ran a fucking mile).
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:03, Reply)

In a roundabout way?
how does one propose in a roundabout way? Wiggy asked me what I would say if he did ask, but I told him that's cheating.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:08, Reply)

I did that
I didn't want to go through the whole down on one knee thing only to be horribly disappointed and embarrassed in front of my family
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

I slipped it into conversation
she said of course, then I rummaged around in my bag for the ring and got down on one knee for a fraction of a second because the ground was fucking soaking wet peat.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Aw Bless.
A man who would risk rheumatiz for his loved one is a gem indeed.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

you're all rubbish
you can't test the waters with a marriage proposal!!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

months before I did it I came up with the perfect thing to say
a long speech extolling her virtues

but then I totally forgot it. every single word. so I thought I wouldn't bother.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

fucking stoner.
...oh shit!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:36, Reply)

Basically what you just said there
"What would you say if I asked...because I feel like asking..."

And he's off...
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I told Wiggy he's not allowed to propose to me like that
he has to do a whole speech on why I'm the best thing since hot buttered toast.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I've been proposed to by text
Then he tried to backtrack.
I call him a coward, and then call him engaged.
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

christ, you don't want much, do you
Hot buttered toast is fucking awesome
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:18, Reply)

exactly.
he should open with that if he knows me at all.

He did say he was planning on doing it in haiku.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

On the one hand the extra effort has got to be worth points
On the other hand, what a fucking ponce
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

It was because I said on here that I would let him have anal if he asked me in haiku
and Chompy attempted to find him to tell him.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:00, Reply)

Kitty O'Hara
I know you're seeing Will, but
Will you marry me?
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:04, Reply)

Wait, actually
I cannot marry you, as
my lady is ace
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:06, Reply)

I hope you're not hurt
By my sudden proposal;
I just wanted anal
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:07, Reply)

I think I'll stick that on my profile
Just the first one though.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:16, Reply)

I feel like a kid whose finger painting's been stuck to the fridge

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 13:20, Reply)

Dammit, I want some hot buttered toast now

(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I had some for supper last night
because when I went into my bread bin I noticed the bread was getting a bit dry. So I thought it would be a shame to waste it.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I hate Tesco
but they do this bread called "Tiger Bread", and it's fresh baked and warm and the smell is divine...dammit!
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Our Asda gives a percentage of profits from its tiger bread to our local zoo to help the baby tigers

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Aww, that's sweet
but I would club those baby tigers to death with a spikey baseball bat for a slice of tiger bread right now...
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Morrisons or Asda do a salt and pepper tiger bread
it is the best bread ever.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:34, Reply)

I will look out for it
the only bread I dont like is poppy seed bread (it does weird things to my guts).
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

that'll be the heroin

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:59, Reply)

I left almost a full loaf of bread in the breadbin for so long
that Wiggy and I were fighting over who had to empty it. So we left it. Then another month later it had all disappeared, leaving just a green bag. What the fuck?!
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

The bread bin pixies took it away
1) Open bread bin
2) Steal bread
3) ?
4) Profit!
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

And then smeared their green pixie jizz all over the bag.
Bread Bin Pixies - They sound nice but they're right cunts really.
(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:49, Reply)

are you sure you don't want some me?

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:37, Reply)

Just the toast m'am
Just the toast
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I imagined you tipping your hat then

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Also, no 3. Is that an "on cold reflection" or have you never even thought yourself to be "at the time"?
Tell me to piss off if that's overly personal.
(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:17, Reply)

On cold reflection
I got lust and love mixed up once-upon-a-time
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:22, Reply)

*empathises*

(Cave Duck, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

1. A nice man/make my own clothes
2. I don't know. I've done a lot of bad things. Probably my 3 Nevers (smack, crack and anal)
3. A week ago I'd have said "eat a lot of meat" but that went the way of the animals I ate. I've admitted my failure of riding bikes, and there's a very surprising one that is a bit rood.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 11:59, Reply)

You just need to meet the right man
and use lots of lube.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:05, Reply)

also
is number 3 swallowed?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Nope! You could guess again, but for your mental wellbeing, stop...

Nope, don't think so. I don't find anal at all appealing, in any way shape or form. We've got no sweet spot, so what's the point?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Because it's a taboo, and some women get off on that
Plus I've known a few who really enjoy it (or claim to at least).
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

It's still fun by all accounts
and if you get yourself a vibrator you can have a DP without needing a third person
(Bazongaloid, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Hmmm...
1. Travel on horseback along the Silk Road.
2. Illegal drugs - it's a control thing.
3. Had a threesome.
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:09, Reply)

2. I'm the same, it's why i refused morphine at first in hospital.

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Geep, what were you in for that required morphine?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:11, Reply)

Broke my leg :/

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I think I was given paracetamol when I broke three bones in my foot
They were punishing me because I'd been running across a car park in high heels.
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

Mine was a nasty double spiral fracture, just below the knee
From running into a brick bbq at 1am in the Sherwood Forest, while dressed as a ninja.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:28, Reply)

Yep
This is definitely b3ta
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Thought you were on the wrong site for a moment there?

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Yeah but then your post confirmed where i was

(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:38, Reply)

In what way, because it's bizarre
Or because it sounds like Internet Lies?
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:41, Reply)

it's not bizarre for B3ta
It's a wonder you didn't break your leg falling over another b3tan, also running through Sherwood Forest at 1am dressed as a ninja!
(

Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I guess I just got lucky

(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I hated morphine
I kept passing out in the middle of a sentence.

Most embarrassing when you're teaching.

I'm kidding - I'd just had the Nuggets
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:15, Reply)

When I fell off my pole
I couldn't stand so the ambulancemen gave me loads of oxygen. It was the weirdest feeling in the world, like being really really drunk and giggly.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Oxygen, or gas and air?
The latter is fun.
(

Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:20, Reply)

While the former
is generally regarded as essential.
(

K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:21, Reply)

I don't know
I think they mentioned gas, so does that mean it was laughing gas? That would explain some things.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I've never had gas and air
I just cut to the chase and had some mainline drugz lolz!
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Threesomes are fucking brilliant
Sorry
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:13, Reply)

Is 1. a euphemism?

(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:16, Reply)

No
I really would like to go along the old Silk Road en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silk_Road
and I think to do it on horseback would be the best way to see it all. I don't ride though...so it would also be something of a trial.
Trial by sore buttocks.
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:23, Reply)

This is why cars were invented
because horses are rubbish.
(

Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:24, Reply)

As a rule I'd agree with you
but think of the romance
(

chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:25, Reply)

My friend owns a horsey
and she took me out for a hack on it through the village.

Turns out I'm hugely allergic to horses.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:58, Reply)

1: The inverse of Amberl's reply, parascending. The wind picked up when I was going to do it, and it was cancelled.
2: A crazy woman in a garage car park.
3: Learned to drive.
(

Labmonkey last thought about having another coffee on, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Hmmmm
1/ Visit China*
2/ Cheated on a partner **
3/ Passed a motorcycle test ***

* Always wanted to, I realise I'd need months to see all of the things I'd like to see - maybe someday eh?
** Not once
*** Always liked motorbikes, even ridden them (illegally) but never got it together enough to go for the test.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 1 Jul 2010, 14:18, Reply)

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