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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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hello!
I'm back in the UK and married, which is strangely similar to being in the UK and not being married, except with a small metal band on my finger.

did I miss anything exciting in the past 3 weeks? or anything unexciting but worth mentioning?
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:38, 282 replies, latest was 16 years ago)
Awwww
congratulations. Did Mr Vit C cry?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:39, Reply)
where have you been you bastard?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:45, Reply)
I've got a job you hairy cunt.
I've been at my parents the last few days.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Going to your parents doesn't count as a job
you witless cretin.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I stay with my parents when I work in our main office daaaaaaaaaaan SARF!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:50, Reply)
what a twat!

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I feel like a terrible racist
My dentist is a small indian lady. But the person I saw today (and briefly last week) had a totally different accent to the one I remember my dentist having. And I'm now worried that I can't tell two different small indian dentists apart.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
I'd say you were a pretty decent racist, Al.
Don't sell yourself short.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:54, Reply)
that is quite a worry
my mum had a similar(ish) experience with a doctor the other day. She just could not understand what he was saying, kept having to ask him to repeat himself and she is fairly sure he thought she was doing it on purpose :-/
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:55, Reply)
Oh god, don't tell me you and the misses have split up already !?!?!?!?
Listen, Al, don't worry about it, me and you can go twos up on a Lampito if you want, but buggsy I get the mouth, I wouldn't touch the sides on the other end, well, I would, but only one side at a time.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:28, Reply)
don't be mean Gonz :(
pick on Ulrika Johnsson if you must
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)
a Lampito?
I love that, like she's one of a species of little creatures, commonly known as Lampitos. Natural habitat: the pub.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:31, Reply)
Here, we are, in the deepest croydon, this urban envoriment is perfect for the lampito.
If we wait carefully, we can spot the lampito in their natural element. Is that? Yes, yes, we have spotted the great lampito, and if we're lucky, we can spot it's mating ritual, but first, it must intake the lambrini. After hours of watching this fine specimen down bottle after bottle of Blue WKD, it spots.... yes, we're very lucky here today, it has spotted a unsuspecting Chompy. Will he regect her advances, or will he escape with his tonsals intact?

Sorry =(
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
*click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click* *click*

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)
...what a magnificent display of personailtys.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)
*Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick* *Sick*

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
I'm clicking this too

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
Shut up Bert

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:46, Reply)
Did you have a nice holiday?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Oh Halibut it was bloody brilliant.
I liked Malmo better than Copenhagen so DiT is a little wounded.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)
You should make it up to him by letting your boyrfriend show him some man love.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
It hasn't helped in the past

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:57, Reply)
I miiiiiiiiiiised you and your lovely scouse ramblings
I didn't miss al when he went away because he's a terrible cunt
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:18, Reply)
Thanks

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)
Welcome sweetums
If it helps, you're the best of all the terrible cunts
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:23, Reply)
That does ease the pain a little

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)
I still love you
And I've forgiven you for being mean to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Are you coming to Davros' bash in October?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:26, Reply)
That I am

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:29, Reply)
No Lab doesn't go to any bashes any more because he's a bastard

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:30, Reply)

bastard in fear for his safety
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:35, Reply)
I fear NO man!
Of course, Clendrix isn't a man...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
My response was going to be
that maybe you should consider coming in disguise.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
AL! Lab is being mean about Clendrix AGAIN

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)
Which guys?
Are you threatening me? I was hoping you could turn over a new leaf, maybe stop being so horrible to me.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)
I'm not the one that's going to be horrible to you Lab
You're targeting your anger at the wrong person, I'm on your side Lab, I respect you as a person, and I would hate to see that pretty face of yours get damaged, so I'm just giving you some, how shall we say, friendly advice.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)
I'm not sure I like your tone
Clendrix and I, we're cool.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Okay Lab, okay.
You and Clendrix are cool right. Of course you are. Of course you are. I'm just saying, you know, I'm not saying that Clendrix might just be playing nice to lull you into a false sense of security, I'm not saying that at all. You're a big boy Lab, you know how these things work don't you? Let's just leave it at that shall we. I think you see were I'm coming from here.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)
Oh, I'm well aware
Well aware, of what could happen. I'll just say I have 'contingencies' in place.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)
You've cloned yourself a spare face?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)
It'll be like Face Off

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Nice!
I wish, it'd mean I don't have to get those ribs removed.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Pfft, just get your cock enlarged.
Plus, you can tell the surgeon "while you're down there, I've always fancied a PA but I'm too scared of the pain so if you could pop one in while I'm under the GA that would be sweet".
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)
I've not been nearly as mean as I should have been there,
I wonder if I'm coming down with something?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)
I always miss you
but it won't be long, my love.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
nope, he nearly did
but the baby chose that minute to rip his corsage (flowery thing) off and thus distract him.
I cried, but that's more to do with the hairdresser burning my hair, then backcombing it wildly so I had to wait until she'd fucked off home and get my sister to try and remedy the situation. which she didn't do very well.
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:53, Reply)
THIS is why we were only invited to the reception instead of both. You were scared you'd do a DiT and blubber like a girl.
Nothing to do with us just being weirdo's off the internet.
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:27, Reply)
I still owe you a wedding present. What would you like?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:28, Reply)
you owe yourself a wedding present?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:35, Reply)
Every wedding I go to
I'm going to buy myself a present. Probably booze.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
I'm going to have Schuh do my wedding list.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)
Has Wiggy ever said
"Christ woman, how many shoes do you need?"
or
"Haven't you already got that exact pair in black?"
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)
he has said the former several times
I don't have duplicate shoes though, that would be silly.

It's partly his fault though, he broke our shoerack (by throwing me at it I should point out!) so he bought a new one. The new one had twice as many tiers as the original. He said it was so his shoes would fit on as well, but to me it just meant more space to fill with my beauties.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)
Em's always buying boots and shoes
She even virtually shops online (putting things in her shopping basket even though she knows she's not going to buy anything).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)
I'm using my phone to talk to you bastards. Cut me some slack dammit
He hasn't replied. Clearly he doesn't want a present
(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)
sorry
Ooh phone eh, time for mouseovers to secretly be mean to you.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)
Oh my God
Why would you say that about her?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:46, Reply)
oi!
Becky, I didn't put one in, I swear!
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)
No one would be that
mean
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)
Its ok, I'll just re-add you back onto the shitlist

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:54, Reply)
I didn't actually put a mouseover.
I just knew you'd assume I did.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)
Awww hang on
that's no fair.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Also, I did all my blubbing like a girl after everyone had gone home from the wedding.
I was something of an emotional wreck until we got on the plane to LA.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Hahahahahha gay. So whaddya want?

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)
Ummmmm
Dunno. New car?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
I had a joke in my best man speech that relied on there being lots of crying throughout the day
But as far as I knew, no-one had cried. No-one. At all. Heartless bitches.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:56, Reply)
Cake was in tears?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)
That's a bit of a cheesy one
but it does get a laugh
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Damn straight
I managed to adapt it to 'the cake was the only thing in tiers today'. One of the ushers boo-ed me, but he'd already said he was going to. Some folk groaned, some folk laughed.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
congrats :)

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:40, Reply)
congratulations
did you have a good time?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Like a tiny Iron Maiden? On your finger?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
oh Monty...
*shakes head slowly*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I thought that was quite funny
and it made me picture a tiny Bruce going "SQUEAK FOR ME HAMMERSMITH! SQUEAK FOR ME HAMMERSMIIIIIIIIIIIIITH!"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:52, Reply)
officelol
hammersmith is a hard word to read when it is really small and in capitals!
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Congratulations!
I can't keep up with all the comings and going here, so you'd be better asking someobody else.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:47, Reply)
Tell me all about your driving across Europe trip!
Any axe-wielding hitch-hikers? Crazy nude Europeans? Delicious croissants?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 11:58, Reply)
lots of pissing europeans
and a levitating bog brush holder, but otherwise it was strangely uneventful. I feel somewhat cheated!
there was a sausage called a playboy in a belgian roadside shack/cafe, but that was about the funniest thing on the return journey
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:06, Reply)
did you enjoy it all though?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:11, Reply)
surprisingly, yes!
the road trip was fun on the way there, knackering on the return, and the wedding itself was really nice - it had its moments of sheer horror, but was mainly good fun! the best bit was pobably the fact that the ceremony was being held in some hall above a shopping centre which was all communist concrete and boxy sports bars - classy it wasn't. fun though! how's you?
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
same old same old
I'm currently working on my entrepre...entrepeur...ok I'll spell it like Gonz: ontropronurialism, so I can become a dragon. I'll keep you posted.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)
So you're starting a third company now
That performs operations to fit people with wings, claws and the ability to breathe fire? Awesome.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)
that's a brilliant idea
Dragons Den it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:12, Reply)
Congratulations and no idea I'm afraid. I've barely been on here

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:19, Reply)
Did you get a new smoke alarm?
That was news.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:20, Reply)
No idea again, I only work there one day a week. I assume that someone fixed it

(I helped save b3ta! fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:24, Reply)
Fair enough.
As you were.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)
Welcome back
And congratulations!

You haven't missed much, some new folk who may or may not be Bert, if you care at all. I also came 7th in last week's image challenge, not bad for my first entry! (Hurr hurr)
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:25, Reply)
I am so angry
If people thought I was angry earlier in the week I have surpassed that anger by eight or nine times.

Everyone where I work is a useless monggoose who need to be repeatedly punched in the front wong by the cast of The Expendables
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:34, Reply)
ohhh Jason Statham would so get it.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:36, Reply)
He would BREAK you.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:37, Reply)
I know!
It would be amazing.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)
You want it like that blonde in Crank

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
in front of 100 people in a market place?
I don't think so. I just want him to throw me around the bedroom like a ragdoll.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)
You're so crass.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)
Sorry, I meant 'make sweet love to me on a bed of rose petals'.
NOT REALLY, I WANT HIM TO BANG ME UNTIL IT BREAKS OFF
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)
I like crass, just using your words against you :p
I wish you well in your endeavours.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:48, Reply)
Thanks, I'll let you know when it happes.
Possibly with blow-by-blow (haha) photos.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:51, Reply)
Appreciated

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:52, Reply)
There were some people asking me at work over the weekend if I've ever punched a girl.
My reaction was like 'what?', and they go, "You know, when you're doing her *action of pushing head into groin* and then you're like *punching action* URH URH URH *punching action* and then Urhhhhhhhh all over her face and then *moving her head away from grown followed by really hard punch*, you ever done that?".

I didn't really know what to say to that, I was going to say "Don't you have a sister? What would you do if someone did that to her?", but I stopped myself. I think I'd firebomb them in their car if they did that to someone I loved, or something like that.

I know angry sex can be hot, but that's just serious "=/".
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:53, Reply)
I was asked by a girl to slap her hard while we had sex

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:55, Reply)
did you?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)
Yes
Not hard enough the first time, so she asked* me again.

It was my first time, and I was already nervous, anxious and worried.

*more demanded
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
Where did she want slapping?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
In the face. Repeatedly
She then scratched the hell out of my back. I repeat, this was my first time...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Each to her own, I guess.
That's a bit much as far as I'm concerned, and certainly when it's not even been discussed. You can't spring weird shit on someone like that.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
It's like that weird person on QOTW
who liked to blindfold his partner the first time and then press a knife to them
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)
The first time?
Gawd, you'd cack yourself wouldn't you!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)
I would actually think I was being murdered.
Fight or flight would kick in.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
Even reading it
made me intensely uneasy that there are people like that out in the world
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)
She sprung it
My first and last one-night-stand, but we stayed friends after. She was a scouser too.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)
look, I'm sorry, ok!
I'm glad we've moved on though.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
*flinches uncontrollably*

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)
SUPPRISE POO ON CHEST !

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)
that sounds an ultra uncomfortable situation
especially for a first time. Was she always like that?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
At the time I didn't know
Afterwards I found out she's quite into it. I wouldn't mind it now, but for my first time it was a bit much.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
did you think that's what all sex was like?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)
No, I'd watched a LOT of porn before then
I knew hard slapping was not the norm.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)
In the back of a ford cortina.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
He said "Mum, I'm not comfortable with that kind of thing"

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
clicking this

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
as am I

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)
Don't be daft
I can't reach around to slap her when I'm bent over the kitchen table.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Of course he did
but unfortuately as she was inflatable his hand bounced off and he hit himself int he nose. That's why his nose is a funny shape
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
Anti-Semite!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Oh yeah sorry I forgot how utterly Jewish you are

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
I have the nose

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)
There's quite a big difference between that and a punch though

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)
I agree with Chompy, online

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
Why's everyone so suprised when they agree with me?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)
because you are an objectionable person

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)
Yes there is
And I wouldn't have punched her if she'd asked, the hard slap was on the cusp of what I was comfortable with doing.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
I reckon that's quite different.
I donno if this bloke had done that, or if it was a fantasy, a couple of the other guys said that they have done that, but I'm giving them the benfit of doubt that they didn't actually do it.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
I don't think I could do that
if Wiggy asked me to really hurt him I don't think I'd be able to. I wonder if the girl was consenting in the above scenario. If someone punched me during sex I'd beat punch them in the balls.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:57, Reply)
beat punch?
Is that like boxercise to music?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
You made me laugh
out loud.
In work.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
Sssshhhh!
You're in a library!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
I'm in the office, it's ok
But it was a pure mongy laugh. Like "Hnuuuuuuh"
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
And that just made me officesmirk

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)
haha whoops
I started to type 'beat the living shit out of them' but I'm probably not strong enough so I would just go for The Debilitator.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)
I'd just hate it if a girl walked away the next day feeling raped/abused, I'd rather go without than have someone regret what happened to the point of damaging her.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
There's a (quite hilarious) gif online
Of a asian woman giving a blow job then just as the guy is about to come punching him really hard in the balls 3 or 4 times.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
That sounds really funny
But now I feel bad that the idea of a man being seriously hurt makes me laugh, but if the situation were reversed I would be appalled by it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
that's a bit weird
both the action and that they'd ask you that
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
It's not your typical office enviroment, deffo.
I'll be outta there soon enough though.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Would you give him one? Would you do him? What would you do if you saw him with two fully loaded bags from ASDA minding his own buisness waiting at the bus stop while you pass in your car?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:40, Reply)
hahaha I don't think it's possible to rape Jason Statham
I might stop and ask for him to punch the car though.

He's not on my list of 5 so I'm not allowed to jump him, even if I do see him outside Asda.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)
Who's on your list?
I hope you've been clever on this one and chosen someone you might come into contact with one day, rather than people who you've got no chance what-so-ever with.

I reckon what would be a good idea is a website or magazine artical where people ask celebs who would be in their list. I'd be interested to know, and the potential trouble it would cause could be great.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:47, Reply)
haha so bored celebrities can go on the site and see who wants to bang them?
My list is: Robert Downey-Junior, Ed Norton, Jared Leto, Hugh Laurie and Denzel Washington. I might trade Leto for Statham though.

I've only ever met Steven Seagal and he would never have been on the list. If I was going to be sensible I would have to put people like Jason Manford and Man U players on the list and that would just be downgrading from Wiggy.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:50, Reply)
Yeh', it would be great for up-coming WAGs and footballers who'd get in on that, and then when they're actually famous and end up shagging someone (or accoused without), they'd get into trouble or something.
I reckon you're right about the footballers, you need someone with something upstairs always downstairs... kindda like going from a semi to a bungalow.

WIthout any serious thought, my list is.
- Nancy from Hollyoaks.
- Alyson Hannigan (ginger one from How I Meet Your Mother)
- My mate's mum (just to piss him off)
- [that british-chinese girl who does the cooking shows, forgot her name, I think her initials are 'CH' though]
- ....ermm.... not sure.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Wiggy gets a boner from Nancy too
And Alyson Hannigan, espesh when she was Willow.
He also wants to do Mary Louise Parker, Avril Lavigne and Michelle Trachtenburg.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Michelle Trachtenburg :S ?

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:02, Reply)
Dawn from Buffy
She's lovely
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)
Isn't she jailbait in Buffy?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)
yup
She's less so in Eurotrip, but she still has that child look like Ellen Page.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:17, Reply)
Doesn't she flash in Eurotrip?

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)
that doesn't do it for me

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Deffo those last two, I wasn't sure who M.T was, but after a google, she's deffo gets on the list (the lucky girl).
But Avril Lavign when she's alternative/emo/indi/skater, not when she's preppy. I love that "Damn cold night" song she does, in fact, that whole album is good.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Alyson Hannigan looks much nicer now
I've never given a full list any thought
off the top of my head
Bridget Regan
Tarbrett Bethell
Zooey Deschanel
Kelly Brook (as long as she doesn't talk)
*draws a blank*
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:05, Reply)
Haven't heard of the first two

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)
they're both in a tv show called Legend of the Seeker
orangeurchin.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/legend-of-the-seeker-season-2-wallpaper-11.jpg?w=500&h=375

not the ones who are men
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:12, Reply)
The blond yes

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:14, Reply)
it's not the best photo of Bridget Regan to be honest
I am actually in love with her
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)
"*draws a blank*" - Poor Vipros...Poorer women of the list =(
You tried a blue pill?
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)
:-P

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)
For me
Devon Aoki
Summer Glau
Eliza Dushku
Gabrielle Union
Cameron Diaz
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)
I second Eliza Dushku and Summer Glau
and add:
Mila Kunis
Mariqueen Maandig (Trent Reznor's wife)
And this girl
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)
this girl is hawwt

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)
and wearing a Tool top
this adds points
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)
And she has such fine points

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:26, Reply)
Oh I know
AND she likes Tool and Metalocalypse!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Metalocalypse is awesome

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)
Without any serious thought, my list is:
Gudrun Ure
Floella Benjamin
The one-armed bird off of C-beebies
Su Pollard
Simon Weston
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)
is Gudrun Ure Supergran?
*don't want to Google*
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)
Yes.
*tumesces*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)
can I have a seperate male/ female list?
or only 5 overall haha?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:13, Reply)
Seperate

(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)
Quick Amberl! AA needs to fantasise about you having sex with five female celebrities!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:19, Reply)
Eliza Dushku
Michelle Rodrigeuez
Angelina Jolie
Jennifer Connelly
Rachel Weisz

Will that do?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:23, Reply)
I approve your list
very much
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:24, Reply)
I think AA is currently red faced and grunting.
Which is odd as I didn't think he would be awake yet.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Can you depict that lesbo orgy in an MS paint style?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
no
because I'd be the one sitting in the corner with a sad face
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)
But you're pretty when you cry

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:29, Reply)

you cry I slap you repeatedly in the face while crying, masturbating and screaming the lords prayer.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)
I was at a wedding the other day
I had to stifle the giggles when the ceremony got to the Lord's Prayer. I had to refuse to explain them as well, lest some more sensitive guest overheard
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)
Haha MY WORK IS DONE.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:43, Reply)
this happened :(
but that would be the most depressing thing to happen in an orgy ever, being the one who is sitting on the side playing sudoku
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:35, Reply)
I would rather watch an orgy of those 5 ladies
Than be here right now.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)
I wouldn't
I'd be too jealous. Or if I joined in, attempting to hide wobbly bits
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Just dive right in there

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)
Most of us like your 'wobbly bits'

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:41, Reply)
I love that picture
and if you weren't happily loved up and with your girl liking days behind you, I'd let you know when the hot orgy of five fanciable filmstars was taking place
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:44, Reply)
We have similar taste
Not enough Zooey Deschanel though.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)
She is rather tasty

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:47, Reply)
I forgot about her
she is really pretty. Much more so than Katy Perry
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)
tru dat
which is why Roota will be joining me, my mrs, Bridget Regan and Zooey Deschanel when we have an orgy
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:49, Reply)
Kitty-pout
In 3...2...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
No, he wants her all to himself
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VIPROS ;)
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:53, Reply)
No need to shout!
I would also have accepted "But he said 'my mrs', therefore Kitty's included."
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)
absolutely ;-)

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)
she knows she's top of the list and at the head of the queue ;-)

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)
The Queue
is capitalised to emphasise it's importance.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:56, Reply)
forgive me

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:04, Reply)
I'm afraid Zooey is busy that night

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:51, Reply)
After all...
A lapdance is so much better when the stripper is crying
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)
I've never really 'got' the obsession with Angelina Jolie
There's only one time when I think about her like that, and that's in Tomb Raider, the bit where she's confronting a naked Daniel Craig. She looks at him, and raises an eyebrow in a naughty way, and she's sexy as fook.

Beyond that, I just don't see it
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:34, Reply)
I'd like to put forward the motion that you are in fact
a gargantuan queer
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)
^ this
Angelina Jolie is massively hot. Especially in Wanted
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)
I liked her when I first saw Hackers many years ago

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:37, Reply)
I remember that film
yes she was hot in that. She's hot in most things with occasional exceptions.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)
yeah

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)
I have that on DVD
She is hot in that, even with the short pixie haircut.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)
There's another actress who I think looks similar to her in that
Only far hotter
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Hotlinking FAIL

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:40, Reply)
Fuck
Try this then
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:46, Reply)
she looks a bit like her
mainly the hair though. That bird looked better in Firefly I reckon.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
Amen
Too boyish in AA's link.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
She's hot in Wanted, Tomb Raider and even in Beowulf
She is incredibly sexy, but not when she looks emaciated like in some paparazzi shots.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:38, Reply)
That photoshoot of her drinking a bottle of whiskey and smoking
is pretty good 'n all.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:45, Reply)
Not really
Seen as I have no idea what Amberl looks like, I just thought it'd be interesting to see someone looking at both sides
(I helped save b3ta! Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)
well
the men list is below
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)
We share two points Kitty :)
Hugh Laurie and Ed Norton. Plus Christian Bale, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Tom Cruise
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)
Tom Cruise?!!
I hope that, if you get the chance, you fuck him with a chisel.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:33, Reply)
not now
back in Top Gun days
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:36, Reply)
what's a front wong?
is it oriental in some way?
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)
It's my new euphemism for groin

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:38, Reply)
ah
that makes a bit more sense.
(I helped save b3ta! ascorbate, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:41, Reply)
Is that because yours is as big as china?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:41, Reply)
Be kind now Al
It's only as big as a single province.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)
Yes Al

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:43, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post838048
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
You sounds well vexed.
Innit.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:39, Reply)
I think puppies would cheer me up
either the canine kind or the clendrix kind
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:41, Reply)
I'll check my little black book
And see what puppies I can put you in touch with.

Do you suffer from puppy racism? Or are you happy with any breed?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:42, Reply)
I don't like those stupid small rat dogs people carry in bags

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:44, Reply)
Flicks through the little black book
But skips past the letter 'c'...

How about a chocolate lab? It's a bit stupid, quite playful and is house trained? He answers to the name of Honda
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)
That is an awesome name for a dog
Is he likely to charge at me and pin me against a wall though?
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
That's part of the fun!
I'll make that call.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
I might start carrying my rat in my handbag.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
you filthy bitch

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:06, Reply)
I can help with that one
My little canine horror, 48 hours ago
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:08, Reply)
labradors are the best dogs
fact
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:09, Reply)
Indeed
She's so awesome I'm even willing to overlook the fact that she's ruined my laptop power cable and shat in my trainers. Entirely my own fault mind for not keeping as close an eye on her as I ought to have done.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:15, Reply)
haha
what's she called?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Penny
as in 'Penny Black'.

It's the name the breeder had given her, and I decided to stick with it. Her pedigree name is Voodoo People though...
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:27, Reply)
both good names
my parents have a yellow lab called Maisie. She's awesome.

I still have a photo of my old lab Maud as well
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Happy B3taday!
Holy crap he is cute! You are so lucky I don't know where you live any more
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:11, Reply)
Heh
I've already had threats of dognap from my sister
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)
=DDDD
<3 Labs
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:12, Reply)
Aww thanks!
Oh...wait...
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:28, Reply)
Your dog is offensively cute
I want to steal it and keep it for myself
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:18, Reply)
Trust me
She's less cute when you're standing outside at 3.30am in the pissing rain watching her lay a cable because she can't make it all the way through the night yet.

Other than that she's all the awesome, and her pedigree name is Voodoo People - can't go wrong with dogs named after tracks from the Prodigy.
(I helped save b3ta! rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:25, Reply)
That dog looks well vicious.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:31, Reply)
You're turned on, aren't you Jeff?
You want the dog to slap you during sex.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:39, Reply)
Yes. With a really waggy tail.
I've got a semi.

I might have to go for my daily shower now.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:50, Reply)
You could fit in a quick tooth-brushing as well.
Chicks LOVE a regular brusher.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:52, Reply)
Who cares about chicks
When there are dogs to be fucked.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:54, Reply)
Sage words, Jeffles.
One for the gravestone, that.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:57, Reply)
Here you go...

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:10, Reply)
Some people flounced, some people appeared, many people got annoyed when they got called Bert
I went swimming this morning, and was slightly worried I'd drown, since I've not been in about 2 years. I made up for this by taking large breaths whenever I could, which resulted in a roughly 50/50 mix of water and air entering my lungs. Tasty.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:45, Reply)
shut up bert

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
Damn
Walked in to that one.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)
I was going to go swimming today
and I bailed.
Bad poppet. Bad, Bad poppet.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:00, Reply)
i went to see tap dogs last night
six of the most obscenely fit men you've ever seen marauding around all sweaty and topless. west end theatre is great.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 12:59, Reply)
is Adam still in that?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)
Woodyatt?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:03, Reply)
hahahaha fuck off!!

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:07, Reply)
Extreme LOL there

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:48, Reply)
oh yes
yes yes yes yes yes, don't stop adam, YES!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:42, Reply)
Do you like me doing that? Shall I do it more quickly or shall I maintain the same speed?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:55, Reply)
Oh for fuck's sake
That is the worst thing that's happened to me all week.
Considering my rent's been put up, the cafe is out of bacon and tuatara's are illegal as pets, this is quite strong.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:02, Reply)
Remember when he had a moustache? That was him at his best.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:05, Reply)
What's that fucking thing??
Is it a permanent cold-sore or a lip-freckle?
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:09, Reply)
He's been to my offices.
I hid upstairs.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:11, Reply)

He's been to my officesorifices.
I hid upstairsfucking loved it.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:22, Reply)
Maybe he got it from the lips of Sarah Beeny?
She has a weird growth on her mouth.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 14:12, Reply)
Tap Dogs?
Is that some sort of sick joke?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:01, Reply)

i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/05/28/article-1189301-05204347000005DC-275_468x636.jpg
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:11, Reply)
That would look better
If both the dogs in the picture were of a similar size.

They are like the 'Little and Large' of the dog entertaining world.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:16, Reply)
Which one would you fuck?

(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:22, Reply)
Both of them.
After watching them fuck each other for a bit.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 13:32, Reply)

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