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(

rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)

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Bored with that last thread.
Which wrongly-used words or phrases really fuck you off?

Here are some that really get my goat:

'bored of'
'pacifically'
'different to'
'ignorant' (when used in the context of ignoring someone)
'centres around'

There are so many of these in common misuse it's amazing I don't die of apoplexy on a daily basis.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:10, 256 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It is made up words that really fuck me off - particularly "Chillax"

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I love to say chillax to people who hate teen speak.
I'm quite posh though so it sounds wrong when I say it.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I just came up with a whicked idea that I'm going to make over this week; should be easy.
www.lolgutted.com

It'll let you search public statuses for things like "I've been dumped", "I stubbed my toe" or whatever on Facebook, you can then rank them up/down and 'like' them.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:35, Reply)

I like portmanteau words
also, like Kitty, when I say chillax, it sounds pretty funny
(

Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:52, Reply)

i was sat
it was itching me
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

Oooh good choices.
I also find mispronunciation of 'tissue' hugely annoying. No, you fool - you're confusing the word with 'atishoo' because the two are related in theme.

People who cannot pronounce 'licquorice' also irritate me.

Although I am told I sound like Brian Sewell when I say these two words.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

but people who pronounce it Tiss-you instead of tish-you
sound really lame.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

and veggytubble
instead of vegetable. you vegetable.
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

bockle and lickle make me angry
also the mispronunciation of February, secretary and picture.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

what about 'atherletics'?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Or unnecessary emphasis on the 'g'
in words like 'singer' (sing-ger) or 'singing' (sing-ging)
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

The reply to the accusation tiss-you - Snot me.

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

The other option 'tishew' sounds fucking mongoloid to me.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

rage

(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I see what you mean
but it's like the sconn/scone argument, scone may be right but it sounds gay.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

sconn is right
and you put the fucking jam on first.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

^ two HARD FACTS.
It is fucking well 'sconn'. This is not open to discussion.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

this is what bugs me when people argue that I'm pronouncing bath incorrectly
because I'm southern and their argument is that it doesn't have an R in it so it's a short a, but the English language doesn't seem to have many set rules on pronunciation so it makes their argument invalid. Common northern twarts.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

it's because they can't understand something that has rules but doesn't abide by them all the time
they are more like guidelines.

fortunately all the northerners who come down here end up swept out to sea, so I don't have to put up with them.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

before the butter or the cream?

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

if you are using butter than that goes first
but only a fucking pleb would do that.

jam first, then clotted cream.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Ah, so that's why scones are so creamy in Devon. They're filled with Vipros' "fucking jam"
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

Irritation is the sincerest form of flattery.
No, hang on.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I'm bored of all threads that centres around you, pacifically ones about your child
I think we need less of these threads
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:12, Reply)

I'm asking YOU a question, you halfwit.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

should/could/would of
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

And people who use "done" instead of "did"
I done a trip to the shops
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

However without that
you couldn't have the finest 'knock, knock' joke ever:

'Knock, knock'
'Who's there?'
'Idunnup'
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

'I did a trip to the shops' isn't much fucking better.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Ok fine!
I done an exam.

me fail English? That's unpossible!
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

you are Ralph Wiggum
AICMFP
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Well done you got the crazy obscure reference

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

Well done you're still a massive cunt!

(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

That's no better.
One 'sits' an exam.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

How about
I done a shit through your letterbox
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Nope.
One 'takes' a shit.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

Yes, on the Queen's corgis.
What sort of example is that to set for your child?
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

people in my office who should really know better have dreadful speech habits
such as saying "it's broke" instead of "broken" and things like "I were sat down". It might just be a northern thing though. Peasants. One of the girls here says "everythink" which is annoying, but again I think it's the accent rather than an actual belief that the word is everythink.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Oh god this.
So much this. THIS THIS THIS. I even had one of my idiot friends arguing with me that it was right.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

That is not an argument.
An argument comprises structured reasoning. What you have described is a person being wrong.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I don't think I could even put my retort into words
I was apoplectic with rage.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

See also: your/you're

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

yeah he does that too.
He's a teacher.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

My mum had a habit of writing "I'me" for ages until I eventually beat her out of it

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:27, Reply)

my mum tries to write text speak, bless her
except she's from the generation of shorthand so it just doesn't make sense. She shortens things by putting an apostrophe in, for example: the word something would be s'thg and Manchester is M'cr. You might think they're quite obvious but if the whole text is filled with them it makes your eyes bleed.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Of what?

(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

not English thankfully.
Politics and psychology methinks. So I suppose it doesn't really matter, but if even the teacher can't spell correctly then it doesn't really help the students.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

This is true.
My Year 9 English teacher made threats to the class at large with regard to "could/would/should* of". I could never quite comprehend why people had such difficulty.

*delete as applicable.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

Psychology people can't spell.
CAN THEY CHOMPY?
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

To busy judging others.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

*must...resist...obvious...setup.....*

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

In Bristol we have a few crackers and this is my favourite.
Where's that too?
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:13, Reply)

The west country greeting of "how is it?" is annoying. How is what? Ignorant fuckwits.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

The snow in January brought my telephone line down
when I phoned BT, the simpleton asked me "Where's it to?"

I had to wait for my internal translator to convert carrot-cruncher into English.
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

that's a welshism, too
the answer is bythere (pronounced bi-there)
(

Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:59, Reply)

The exception that proves the rule
Never EVER gets used properly
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

"Colourway"
All the new bike brochures seem to be obssessed with this, it's the new buzzword used to mean "colour scheme". FFS.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:14, Reply)

bikes
reduce me to spitting fury!
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Solicitors make me want to punch a duck in the face.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Not all of us run red lights you know...
...on a related subject, I was cycling over London Bridge the other day when a chap in a silver SLK pulled up right next to me, wound down his window and yelled "nice bike" before giving me a thumbs up and driving off.

That was unexpected, I was anticipating a bout of road rage and fisticuffs.

I like to think he was complimentary on account of my impeccable road manners.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

that has reminded me of an incident on Saturday night
was walking home from the pub where we'd just played a gig. There were a few of us, most carrying guitars.

A guy came out of the house on the other side of the road and shouted "where are you going with the music?"
I replied "we've just played a gig, now we're going home"
Guy: "how was it?"
Me: "it was alright"
Guy: "YES!" *massive pumping of the fist at the sky*

That's the kind of enthusiasm I want to see.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

That's brilliant

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

^ this

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

his reaction was so over the top
we were delighted
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

"where are you going with the music?"
Dear God.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

in his defence
he was blatantly spannered
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

What kind of bike do you have?!
If you ever see a guy with a skull jacket cycling a Specialized, that's me!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I was on a sunburst orange Marin Wolf Ridge at the time...
...although I occasionally ride a black Specialized Enduro.

I'll look out for you!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Amen to that.
EDIT: I felt all righteous the other morning for reporting a bus driver to the police for knocking a guy off of his bicycle while he was in the cycle lane, and just driving off.

Also: I go over London Bridge on my bike all the time!
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

it's not just bikes either
loads of stuff do it

it's shit
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

This ^

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

Any white person trying to do black rapper speak
can bugger off. Especially if, like most of my friends, you are white and middle class with a private education. It makes you look and sound like a cunt.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

fo shizzle yo 'tude needs to fizzle blud

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:15, Reply)

I like to use shizzle and nizzle in as middle class and well spoken a way as possible

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

Like the Armstrong and Miller chav pilots?

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

I don't know what those things are

(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Youtube it

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

Youtube as a verb. Urghh.

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

wiggers

(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

init.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

an ting

(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

You should bare cut them up.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:17, Reply)

what does 'bare' mean in that context?
that's the latest one. Swear down and bare ting. I want a shotgun.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:19, Reply)

Lots

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

It's the rasta speak that makes me the most angry
calling people claarts and the like.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

One of my mates called greeted me on Saturday like this
"Cussy, wagwan me lion?" I just couldn't bring myself to speak to him for quite a long time.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

I don't know what that means
I can't even guess.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I shit you not, I honestly heard the following (not word for word) once on the phone, as we get a load of greek/turkish mama SLASH ru' boys.
Reeeah' muhn, I swarez dat be bare jokes, skets all up in my yard and ting messin' wid me shit like iz some proppa batty boy, yahgetsme? *ring ring* "Yeah', yeah', I said I'm going out tonight. I don't care if you've made some lonza*, Steve and I are going down [local club]. I don't know what time I'll be home ! Just keep it in the fridge and I'll microwave it ! Ok, ok, oooo-KAY, I'll love you, bye bye, no no, I won't be home 'till late. Ok, bye bye, love you *hang up* Rah' muhn, ma' be bare hassles always up in my shit like I ain't a man. Can I crotch 'round your yard before we dash? Safe bruv'.

* A greek ham like dish.
(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

Hahahaha

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Dimella.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:16, Reply)

Aksing
someone a question. It actually makes veins pop out on the side of my head.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

the incorrect use of the word "momentarily" makes me mental
far more than any other similar thing

Twat: "I will be with you momentarily"
Me: "I think it might take longer than that"
Twat: "wha?"
Me: *kills with mattock*
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:18, Reply)

Why would someone say that rather than "I'll be with you in a moment"
WHY VIPROS! WHY!?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

if I knew
there would be a lot fewer mutilated corpses littering the Devon countryside.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I thought I was alone in my use of the mattock for such purposes

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

common heritage
much as I like swords, I'm better with a two-handed bludgeoning weapon.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Literally.
When it's used to express intensity.

"The place was literally rocking."
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:20, Reply)

^this

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

Ha!

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

'literally' when the person means the polar opposite

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:21, Reply)

TOO SLOW OLD MAN!

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:22, Reply)

I'm literally shitting moonbeams reading this.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

POIDH
where's Labs?
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I have a really annoying friend who tries to force buzzwords
he's currently trying to bring back 'mad fresh' and he's also trying to introduce Awesome Welles.

Man he's such a douche.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

Quite like
Awesome Welles.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

yeah it's pretty fresh

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

I'm down with it

(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Mad fresh bredren

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

I hate you all.
ALL OF YOU.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

It's not exactly new though is it?
How's he planning to 'introduce' it?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

I hate the words "You know"
as in; "I was, y'know, walking down the street and, y'know' I saw a dog"

I hate it more than "Like". Everyone does it now, even politicians interviewed on the news.
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:23, Reply)

I say like too much
and I hate myself for it. A little. Dents the narcissism slightly.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

A friend of mine started going out with a much younger woman (31 and 21)
all of a sudden he started talking like a twat. He's even started to say "Chillax".
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Myself.
Yourself.

Any reflexive pronoun, really.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

I hate when people use "and I"
because they're trying to sound posh, but in cases where 'and me' is actually the right one.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Between you and I,
I agree.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Number and amount being considered interchangeable.
Though I have been known to use the wrong one on occasion.
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:24, Reply)

"I turned around and said to him"
I've overheard conversations where some dizzy fucking bint and the sub-human jizz-bucket that she was talking about must have revolved through at least a couple of thousand degrees each during the course of the conversation.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:25, Reply)

People doing 360 degree turns also confuse me.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

If I did a 360, I would turn right the way around and end up back where I started!
Trust me.
*shoots*
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

It's just a waste of energy, if nothing else...

(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:45, Reply)

My mother once did a 3 point turn and ended up pointing in the same direction.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

I'm having a little difficulty visualising this.
Although the inevitable look of confusion on her face must have been quite something to behold ... !
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Slightly easier to visualise
On my first driving test, I tried to reverse round a corner and ended up parked on the opposite side of the road.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:08, Reply)

She failed the American driving test for going too slowly on the freeway.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Watching anything based in London (Eastenders, etc.)
You don't know nothing! ARGH!

Alt A:
My daughter loves spaghetti but can't say it and it comes out as "speccy" or "baspeccy". This never fails to make me smile
(

sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

A friend of mine's daughter...
...says "pasketti", I believe.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

first words came up in conversation the other day with my family
my eldest brother was mocked for his first word being something stupid and simple. Then it was pointed out that his second word was a clear "helicopter"
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

My step-daughters first word was
headcase!
(

sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:32, Reply)

Don't know mine as I could speak when adopted but my brother's first word
was Batman. Lucky prick that is well cool.
(

SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:33, Reply)

I am so doing that to my kid, just repeating something like Spiderman
over and over again
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Oh and infer and imply.

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:26, Reply)

Money still isn't in my account.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:28, Reply)

sadtimes
You'll have to sell your phone to survive
(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:29, Reply)

Nah I get paid tomorrow, I was just hoping for cash to get drunk with tonight

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:31, Reply)

On a school night?
*faints*
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I've got the day off work
waiting for a bt engineer, I can do that with a hangover.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Well if you have to deal with 'the trade' it might be preferable to be a bit hungover and grouchy

(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

instead of fajitas my mum says "fahte...fah...them...uh...faheetees!"

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:30, Reply)

Heard in Faneuil Hall 'Pizzeria Unos'
"I would like the 'fadge-eye-tahs'."
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:34, Reply)

I want to punch her everytime she says it though
I've told her a thousand times how to say it

I think shes autism
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

Have you punched her in the tits?
It seems to cure a lot of ills.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

My mum can't say Doritos

(

TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:38, Reply)

my mum has tons of shit she can't say properly, I just can't remember any of them now
except for pencil, she says 'poonsool'
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Is she Dutch?

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

lolol no
born and raised here
(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

I reckon it'd be more of a reasonable option if I were a guy, but no I've not

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

My father says 'nachos' as if it's a fucking Greek island.
He does this deliberately to annoy. It works.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:37, Reply)

Just to link this thread with the previous one
I give you the woefully-worded response I received from my former estate agents in response to an enormous angry letter and subsequent email to ask whether they'd received my enormous angry letter:

"Thank you for your email and I can confirm that I have stopped all viewings on your property until you move out because your requirement and how we can book viewings doesn’t match so out apologies for all the inconvenience so far.

I will also report this to the landlord and letting know why we are not doing any viewings on the property till you move out."

I spend a couple of hours crafting an irate but measured and formal tirade, documenting the dates and times of every transgression by their suited lettings monkeys and the best I get is a response which verges on unintelligible.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

it's amazing how they go from cocky cunts
to snivelling children in 2 seconds.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I'm not sure they all do
The one I had a go at just carried on grinning like a mong. My flatmates claimed they were actually frightened and yet this cocky cunt seemed oblivious to the fact that I was inches away from throttling him with his own pink tie. (Though he did scarper pretty quickly after the viewing and 'apologised' by text message, the cowardly cunt)
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

I saw half a rant and was terrified.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

Sorry about that
I was just particularly livid about being phoned at quarter to eight on a Friday night, and having my question, "do you realise what time it is?" being rebutted with "unsociable hours are after 8 o'clock." I would quite happily have dropped all other plans for that Friday evening to find his office and shove that fucking telephone down his throat.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

It's quite alright
I found it quite amusing once the fear had ebbed away.
(about 3 hours later)
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I don't mean to be scary.
I think estate agents just bring out the worst in me.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

I could say the same about me- replacing scary with punchy
and estate agents with BOOZE (adding "s" too, of course)
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

they get paid jackshit
it doesn't attract people who care a lot about their job.

/used to be a letting agent, although an excellent one
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:39, Reply)

Unfortunately all correspondence I had with that lot
suggested it attracts the illiterate and/or the emotionally retarded.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

often it does
most of my colleagues didn't have a gcse to rub between them. not that qualifications are the be-all and end-all, but they tended to be people who were looking for an easy 9-5.
(

rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

9 to 5?
I had these cunts texting me at twenty to ten on a Friday night!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:46, Reply)

Oh, and 'Irregardless'.
It isn't even a word.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:35, Reply)

I refudiate this

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:42, Reply)

I contrafabulously mitrombulate your refudiation.
Retribution shall commence interfrastically.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

'Anyways' and...
..the tragic over use of the word 'Random'
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I'm tempted to start to "Random" with,
"I NO RITE. That was like, SO stochastic."
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:37, Reply)

My irish friend
types in dialect... I'll give you some examples from her Facebook:

'i am gny have fun wie this.. :)'

'aye u were invited to my house warmin..:D!aye am lookin forward d seein every1 lik..wat u mean doin the work?u never did n e..u sat there wie a blank page lol'

As much as she's one of my closest friends, it's enough she speaks like that let alone types with as wie, to as d, yes as aye and gny as going to!
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:36, Reply)

I see your annoying facebook friend
and raise you my annoying facebook chav 'friend':

"had a brilliant nite, wont be wearin high heels again lol covered in blisters this week gonna be start of new beginning this week, gonna loose lots of weight when i join slimmin world wednesday!!! :) xxxx"
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:43, Reply)

I see your chav friend and raise you;
A chav friend with two kids and a fiancé in prison;

'Fuck everything the only fing im consentrating on now is me, my fiancay and are too beutiful children! ♥ Stu, Chloe & Jesse ♥ MyLIFE!'
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

This can amuse you for a few minutes
youropenbook.org/?q=beutiful+children&gender=any
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

I saw a woman who'd named her daughter Rasheal
Then saw she'd misspelled "oh dear me" as "oh deer meat"

WHAAAAAAAT
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

I fold
well played.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:52, Reply)

That is fucking hilarious.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:19, Reply)

Are you bert?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

BERT?!
What would give you that idea :|
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I've not seen you before
so basically you're either bert or... nope that's it you're bert.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

aha!
your sig appears to be another clue.

*puts on deerstalker*
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

oh my
I lurch in the QOTW posting occasionally. Though I am fully aware of Bert through trawling OT!
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

He fucked his sister.
edit: it's still funny to say it.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:00, Reply)

As I said.. fully aware (unfortunately)
So is he gone for good?

Thanks for making me feel so welcome :P
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

I fucking hope so.
You'll do fine on here as long as you aren't Bert.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:26, Reply)

I can assure you;
If I was Bert; I'd have killed myself by now.
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:31, Reply)

it really is

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I concur.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:18, Reply)

Surely he'd have a better alias?
I get the feeling im digging my own grave.
(MissFlee tried again on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:28, Reply)

Visa versa
and ick-cetera
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:40, Reply)

Visa versa - AAAAAAAARGRGRGGGHH

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

there was a girl at my old work
who used to say "lacksydaisy" instead of lackadaisical. I think she thought it was like whoopsy-daisy.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

"It's come full circle."
Particularly when used to describe something that has changed to the opposite of what it was. That's a half circle.
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:41, Reply)

^this absolutely - see "doing a 360" comment above

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Ah, yes.
Perhaps you should add "Idiots not reading the thread properly and saying the same damn thing"
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

"...but you know, since Monday, like, he's done a complete one-eighty."
What the fuck are you on about? Was he playing darts? Or did he just stand on the spot and rotate?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:44, Reply)

Why is Xbox 360 called that?
Because when people see it they turn 360 degrees and walk away.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:47, Reply)

NNNGAAAH!
That would mean they carry on walking towards it! This joke is not compatible with Euclidean geometry!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

As someone who uses maths everyday in my proffessional career I suggest you go back to school.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

...
One of us has erred here...360^o is a complete circle, so rotating through that size angle would bring you back to where you started from. Or have I missed some clever subtlety here?
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

It's a very old trolling technique.
I'm meant to bang on and on about how I am a doctor in mathmatics and president of NASA's geometry division as you get more and more wound up. I'm going home in 5 though, so I give up.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

Ah, with you now.
Sorry, it's been quite a long day and I thought I was actually losing my mind for a moment.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

Of course you were assuming that they were facing the X-box to start with

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

And even if they were. They could turn "full circle" and then walk away backwards.

(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Or they could walk in a different direction
if they and the Xbox were on a non-Euclidean surface.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Is there any way to shoehorn spin 1/2 particles in here?
Not that it'd help at a macro level obviously, but still ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

I guess you'd need electrons to power the Xbox in the first place
I think they're half-integer spin...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:14, Reply)

I do
But in any case, they'd carry on walking in the same direction, after executing a largely pointless rotation through a complete circle.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

Ahem
img168.imageshack.us/i/1204667780558ht9.gif/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:35, Reply)

On the rare occasion that I order a pizza by telephone
I have to deliberately mispronounce ‘jalapeno’ so the invalid on the other end knows what I am talking about.
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:48, Reply)

how you say it?

(

Lisette von Falcon, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:49, Reply)

With a 'J' not an 'H'
I assume
(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

And isn't it pehnio, too
Due to the squiggle (oh shush I don't know the technical name) over the n?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

Yes.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Halapenyo.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:53, Reply)

When I lived in Blackburn
before I moved out I had to get the bath replaced and I had to ring local companies to get quotes. Because I pronounce it 'barth', every single person on the other end of the phone would say "you want a what?" until I put on a shitty Lancashire accent and said it their way. It made me wonder if they can't understand the news because the newsreader doesn't have a northern accent. Who am I kidding, they don't watch the news.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

"On the rare occasion that I order a pizza by telephone"
"I do believe that if I sequentially depress the numbered buttons on this new fangled device in accordance with the number on the leaflet, that they send a man round to cook food for me, or some such thing"
(Cave Duck, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Yourself and Myself and overuse thereof, I think it's an estate agent thing...
HIM: "If you would like to pass the documents to myself, I myself will look at them and yourself can sign them after I have myself viewed them myself."

ME: "!"
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Also, not so much the word but the pronunciation:
"Haitch" - oh, oh, how I want to kill you.
(

Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:51, Reply)

I wholeheartedly agree with both of your posts

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:56, Reply)

I'll just fax that over to yourself for approval.
*seethes*
*kills*
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

Overuse of the word "lad"
Urgh.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:50, Reply)

Fucking yorkshiremen

(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:54, Reply)

Less of that, really, it's ok when they do it
but the whole "OMG LAD!" when your mate fucks an ugly bird then spits on her? Urgh.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

*stops reading after the 4th*
youropenbook.org/?q=omg+lad&gender=any
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:59, Reply)

"OMG The Last Air Bender was freakin epic lad !! I ssooo want that movie on DVD !! :D"
:|
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

You've given me an amazing idea for a website.

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

TRUELAD

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:57, Reply)

MY DARLING SELF!
You're back! How was Tenerife?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:58, Reply)

Hello fellow LAAKolite!
It was nice and warm. I even changed colour a little.

I've missed my pole and cakes and corsets and other LAAKobees though so I'm glad to be back :D
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

We're LAK now. Amberl was "saved".
I'm glad you're back. Are you still thinking of bashing?
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:03, Reply)

hell to the yeah!
I'm well looking forward to it.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:04, Reply)

Hopefully the house will be as clean as it is now.
Someone may have to have a sofa, and I'll try and find an extra blanket. Or just bring a sleeping bag.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:06, Reply)

I'll probably just get a hotel room with Vipros

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:07, Reply)

Fine, LAA can look after ourselves.

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:10, Reply)

is that the October one
which I can't afford to go to?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:12, Reply)

Yes. It's a shame, would have liked to meet you
And prove that I'm not a drunken punchy mess.

Well, at the beginning of the night, anyway.
(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:13, Reply)

see my post below
I try not to hold on to preconceptions. Turns out TGB can actually be quite charming. Who would've thought?
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:14, Reply)

you people should come to catface and chcb's wedding bash
and somehow get monty along too.
(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:08, Reply)

when/where is it?

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:24, Reply)

12th December in Bristol

(

Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:02, Reply)

You've reminded me of this site
Urgh www.toplad.org/
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:09, Reply)

Yup, precisely why I dislike it

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:11, Reply)

By the way (thanks to Tuggers)
anyone interested in the American nutjob I referred to earlier can read more here:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delphine_LaLaurie

Not the new Albert Fish, perhaps, but a fucking twisted fruitcake nonetheless:

'buckets of genitalia, makeshift sex-change operations, brains stirred with sticks, women nailed to floors by their intestines, tongues sewn together, mouths stuffed with excrement and stitched up, females flayed to resemble caterpillars, suits of human skin, sliced penises, "human crabs" (in which a slave had had their limbs cut off and placed back on in reversed positions), bottles of blood & "grand gore chambers".
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:55, Reply)

Monty that's some dreadful misquoting there
you're ignoring the part where they say that none of those allegations were in any way confirmed.

Kind of sounds like that Countess Elizabet Batista or whatever her name was.
(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

Bathory?

(

Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:01, Reply)

aye that's the psycho

(

Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

Not confirmed NOR DENIED.

(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:03, Reply)

You had to make your own entertainment in those days

(

Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

"Nookyoular"
It's Nuclear you retards.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:02, Reply)

"NewClear"?

(

G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:16, Reply)

'slither' in place of sliver.

I've just remembered, on Saturday I was told a hilarious anecdote involving

1. 25 scousers
2. Ibiza
3. Loads of cocaine
4. A fleet of stolen cars
5. One of the Chuckle Brothers
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:40, Reply)

The Chuckle Brothers should be illegal as per The Trading Descriptions Act 1968.

(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:47, Reply)

One of them is severely illegal from what I was told.
How are you, Brian?
(

Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:51, Reply)

Jolly fine, Monsieur Boyce.
Managed to get through Monday largely unscathed, a fact I am now about to celebrate with a pint or few of the foaming ale ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 18:04, Reply)

I don't like it when people say "Behind my back"
As in "He was talking about me behind my back" Surely behind someone's back is in front of them.
(

Peej, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:06, Reply)

No
Behind your back is in fact directly behind you, to the rear of your back, as it were. That one counts, but if you'd said 'then he turned around and said...' you would have been fine old boy.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:13, Reply)

That's in front of your back

(

Peej, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:35, Reply)

Only if your back has a face on it
Dig?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:42, Reply)

nope

(

Peej, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 22:56, Reply)

Monty will 'back' me up on this I'm sure.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 23:53, Reply)

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