*rages*
So I've started a new case, and it's gone from 0 to GUILTY in about 10 seconds. I am really going to hate this one, it's fucking horrific.

What has made you angry recently?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:18, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My bank balance :-(
And my lack of attendance to the bash.

Both will be sorted within the next month, but it's just not the best currently.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Aye my lack of control with my bank balance angers me.
Got £750 to last til December, already done five hundred.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

yeah I was all complacent and smug because I still had some money left over on pay day
but I miscalculated it and went overdrawn at the weekend, belm.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I've got cash coming in soon
But I've got to spend money to get it back, fixing shit. Not fun!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

a lot of things
almost certainly having to go on secondment. my stupid phone changing the time of its own accord on friday so I was an hour and a half late for work. having to resort to using a more reliable phone that is unfortunately a fucking shit basic nokia thing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

What do you do?
There's a barrister on my street whose reg is GUILTY. Smug cunt. It's an Audi, obv.

I don't get angry, I'm well calm all the time.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

O_O
What. WhatwhatwhatwhatWHAT?!

That is the mot ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I could be zen.
Not really. Everything makes me angry or upset ON or OFFLINE.

Right now it's the fucking phone which won't stop goddamn ringing and I'm the only one in the room.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

That's just a little bit ridiculous.
I don't often get angry, I just get wound up or upset. But I do scare people when I get angry.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

I have short angry bursts and then I'm calm again.
I'm just passionate.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)

When phones ring
You're supposed to answer them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

shut your face.
I don't want to speak to the clients, they're unclean.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Listen, toots
It's your job to answer the phones. Read your cone-tract.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

It's true.
Although since the new secretary started, she thought it was her job to answer them before me and I just let her think that, so I deserve this really. She's back in the room now so I've resumed looking at the phone with contempt whilst it trills.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

"She's back in the room"
Practicing hypnosis on underlings is fun! I treat my underlings well, and only occasionally remind them of their place at my feet.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

no fair, I want underlings
although technically she is my junior, I feel bad ordering her around.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

To be honest
I treat everyone who's technically my junior with respect and kindness. I do store all their emails within a folder entitled "Minions" though.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

you should try answering the phone
that generally stops it ringing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I hear if you pick the phone up
The ringing magically stops
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Looks like you all went to the same stand up class

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Nope, the only thing we share is a fear of the ladies of /OT
Just not you
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I'm well scary
KITTY SMASH!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

Nahh

Not that scary.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Yeah that's about as scary as I get.
If you make me really mad I level up to this:

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

This is me at my worst

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)

oh man that's gross.
He has a worrying nipple:boob ratio.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I was going to go for lunch
but I don't much feel like eating now. That's really quite horrifying.
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)

*Down, Down-towards, towards - punch*

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)

I like how you didn't respond to my comment saying the same thing
because of how much you love me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

If you pick it up it stops ringing.
Timing -The key to good comedy.
(Cave Duck, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:54, Reply)

Earthly humour
Not funny
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

I let yours go because it was gentle affectionate joking
whereas the other two were being malicious and evil.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)

I was just joining in with the other kids!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

You're so easily led.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Digital Forensics
Uh huh, no 'Kitty SMASH' style rages or rants? *coughs*bullshit!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

I think you'll find I'm a highly motivated, low maintenance awesome eagle

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Haha nice!
But no.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I'm not approving of your hatred towards Audi drivers
AGAIN
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

You should talk to your audi peers, they're giving you a bad name by being such dreadfully conceited and arrogant drivers
AUDI DRIVER HAS NO NEED TO INDICATE
FOR AUDI DRIVER THERE ARE NO OTHER CARS
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)

I always indicate
Although some cunt in an audi was right up my arse on the way to work I was all like
DUDE I'M IN AN AUDI AND I THINK YOU'RE A CUNT FFS
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)

haha
My sister drives an Audi and she indicates so I guess you're not all bad. However, she has become a much more aggressive driver since she got the Audi, she drives up people's arses on the motorway if they don't want to speed as much as her.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

That it takes longer on the bus than to walk to get to my friend's house than mine
but that I'm angry with myself for just not walking it. Yesterday was understandable though due to hanging.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:25, Reply)

If the evidence is that strong though,
hopefully the person responsible will be going to jail for a very long time...
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

But you have no idea what they've done?
They could very clearly have been guilty of fly tipping, whilst it's a problem sending people to prison is hardly the most effective way of dealing with it, surely community based sentencing and a large fine would be better.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Is fly tipping a bit like cow tipping?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Yes, but you have to be much more accurate.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Yes, but much harder
you need incredibly reflexes and to be as stealthy as a stealth ninja fox.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

E-Fly tipping
posting your deleted items on a torrent site?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

I just inflated my van tyres to the correct pressures.
They were all on the very low side.

Didn't make me cross though.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Then you didn't answer the question, did you.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Well YOU didn't wish me a happy birthday did you, you wanker!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

Take the hint

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

This doesn't make any sense.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)

your face doesn't make any sense

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Oh, are you ripping on me forgetting my ex's birthday?
Brilliant.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

What? No
I was hoping you would say something like, Oh sorry I forgot, happy birthday, and I would say, But my birthday isn't until next March you moron!

But you didn't, so I couldn't and then it just didn't make a lot of sense.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Plus I'm sure I did wish you a happy birthday back then

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

You probably did
I was just looking for an excuse to call you a wanker.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

university adminstration being staffed by mongs hasn't helped my mood
My eyes have gone grey which is worrying and I have earache. I really want to hulk smash the shit out something.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Morning Bob

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)

I fell asleep in my chair last night woke up at 3ish
with b3ta still open. Sad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)

So you've slept with all of us now!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

I am now std man

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

Who was best?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

My drive being blocked by the idiot chav friends of the lad next door
I always want to scream "JUST FUCK OFF" at them, but I don't, I ask them politely to move like the middle class pussy that I am.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Taking 4 and a half hours
to do an 80 minute train journey on Saturday, and having to babysit a friend's children constantly because her husband is a waste of skin.
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

You should flay him
*awaits obvious strikethrough*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

a
(TheColonel, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)

As he is currently neither use nor ornament
it is entirely possible his skin might make a better rug than he does father or husband. At least then he'd partially fulfill 'ornament', albeit in a creepy and horrifying way...
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)

Or you could follow TheColonel's advice
Use him as either a parachute, or a glider.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

Everything makes me angry (REALLY?)
Bob fucking Crow and his gang of serfs have fucked me right off today.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

No college today, thank god.
Last time it was a nightmare.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)

stop your whinging
I am a hero.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)

You are a piggy-eyed, fat-faced common little peasant
and given the chance I would have you flogged for your selfish and backward-looking actions, whilst PJM shags your wife.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I'm telling my mum

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

I wouldn't bother.
Her mangled and ritually-sodomised corpse is chopped into several pieces and left, ironically, in a deserted tube station for your pikey little friends to find when they can FINALLY BE ARSED TO GO BACK TO FUCKING WORK.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)

just when i thought
i couldn't love you any more
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

This is the finest, most eloquent rant of the week so far

(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

he has implied
that you shagging bob crow's wife would be part of the punishment.

i am not sure if this is a compliment (ie he has to watch such a fine specimen doing his wife) or an insult (ie sex with you is part of the punishment).
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I'm too busy hacking the limbs off his mother with an electric carving knife
(from Robert Dyas) to watch PJM's MASSIVE COCK doing 'the business' on Mrs Crow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

Don't forget being mesmerised by his six-pack

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

in actual fact
you could just make him ride his own shitty tube service in the rush hour every day.

he'd soon be begging for mercy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

What annoys me most
is that there is clearly an issue with the management of the underground, but what Bob doesn't seem to understand with his ridiculous stuck in the 1960s attitude, is that unless you get the media on your side and explain clearly what the problem is, everyone will think you're a cunt and have no sympathy for you.

As a person I hate Bob Crow, but he represents a union which voted for strike action, people don't strike just for the hell of it, they are losing wages, so there must be a problem which isn't being addressed by the management. But without communicating this effectively, the unions are going to get themselves emasculated and teh public won't care, until it's too late.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)

They usually strike when there's a bank holiday and they fancy a nice barbecue or something.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)

as far as i can see
it's because they don't want to work on platforms, they want to stay in the nice warm ticket offices.

the useless lazy twats. i saw a woman nearly get killed at barons court the other night, and then because she was pissed, she turned on the two blokes who had saved her from falling on the tracks. all 3 of the nightstaff were watching it on cctv from the office. not one of them went downstairs to help.

lazy workshy twats!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)

The management want to cut 800 staff

(Bazongaloid, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)

Enough about Pires.
What do you think of Crow, Monts?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

He's OK, don't mind him at all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I'm gonna cuddle you one day!

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

I don't want your student AIDS, fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

ssssh now, it's ok, come here big fella.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)

I don't even live in London
and I still want to set fire to his smug, self righteous face.
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:39, Reply)

I don't know what he looks like
I imagine looking a little like Crow, but evil.


EDIT: Our Supreme Crow is safe. He looks nothing like Bob Crow.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Google 'fat fucking cunt'
He'll be the first entry
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Holy Shit...
...Mum?

EDIT: Haha, James Corden is third on it! Just make sure you turn off filtering before you check
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)

I wish I hadn't gone looking now = ((

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Makes two of us.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

He looks like a bouncer
and/or a massive pie munching twat. Fortunately Supreme Crow is lacking in these qualities as I recall, although all I can really remember is the flowing, girlish locks...
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)

And the dress sense of an elderly lesbian.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

You leave my mum out of this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

Hello, Montilicious.
How goes it?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Not so bad, not so good: the usual....
By the way anyone who won't kiss you when you're dressed as a telephone, especially now your hair isn't frankly terrifying, is clearly a stupid bender.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It was a rotary dial one, too.
but thank you for your kind words :)
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

Hehe, meanie
although in about 15 years time I can see him looking like James May in check rather than floral...
(berk, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

It was his own words...
I imagine he might finally accept himself for who he is later in life and start dressing in leather and PVC.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Okay, I keep seeing this.
What the hell is a Bob Crow when it's at home?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)

I asked this girl out about 2 hours ago
and she said yes, she has now just updated her fb status to in a relationship. Wtf is that about? I am miffed.

NOT WITH ME - some other fella!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

Ha, well at least you'll get laid.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

not with me chompy
with some other fella! hence the miffed-ness
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

Maybe it's the modern way to let people down?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

She probably told the other fella that she was going to go out with you
and he felt so sorry for her he asked her out.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Remember your rohypnol
Problem solved.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)

RUN AWAY.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

+WITH HER AND GET MARRIED

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

+WITH HER AND GET MARRIED and never come on B3ta again.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

b3ta my face
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)

Tragically this will never happen.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

hahahaha
A disaster waiting to happen!

Is this the one you went to the cinema with on the weekend?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

no that's the one I will always like regardless. Nothing gonna happen there.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

So following a weekend of rejection
You've started the week off by asking someone else out? But since then, this girl has met someone else?

She might have finished with this new bloke after double-geography, so don't give up hope yet!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I cant help myself
they look so tempting doing P.E in the mornings.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)

There's a career ending post if ever there was one
"So Mr. Nonce, why did you want to become a primary school teacher?"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)

It's all fun and games until you go on holiday in Portugal

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I've had to take a break from work
And put on some ANGRY MUSIC nice and LOUD (headphones though, I'm not that much of a cunt).
So now I'm foot-drumming along to PunisHment by Biohazard. An awesome tune by a meh group.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

h

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

Oh I replied to your wut then you deleted it
BAD LAB
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

You were quick
I posted, then noticed and deleted all within about 20 seconds.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)

*fires finger pistols at you*

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Nothing much at the moment
for I am living in the land of Smug (hi Vipros!) regarding a rather wonderful little bargain I picked up at the weekend.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)

A handfull of magic beans?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)

No, some Ruark loudspeakers
and very pretty they are, too. I spent some time stroking and crooning at them. It got a little creepy.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)

So you know your Panaphonics from your Sornys then?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)

I'm not a huge audiophile
but I know a bit about this and that. I've done a rather good job recently of picking up some very nice speakers at low cost to myself. I've got a flotilla of Ruarks and B&Ws littering the sitting room now.
( Kroney, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

The golf is getting interesting if anyone cares?
Come on Europe!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)

Interesting Golf?
Oxy-Moron shirley?
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

Not when it's the rider cup, it turns the competitiveness right up and the Americans
are always entertaining. It's gonna be close!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

close arse-achingly dull
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

That's not how you use a three wood, Monty

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)

I wondered why everyone was staring at me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)

*considers starting long thread of golf double-entendres*
*reconsiders*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 15:05, Reply)

"Rider"?

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

tried to edit but laptop froze, no point now.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)

You rang?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

Pfft!
it's funny coz he's dead
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Come on Europe!! *sighs*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

strange boy

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

I'm angry that Osborne wants to cut my child benefit.
How will I buy my gin?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

by selling your baby

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:26, Reply)

Then I wouldn't need the gin either.
Double win!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)

What do babys fetch these days?
Do the disabled ones end up in a basket with a sticker saying that its' at a reduced price, and if still no one wants them, do they end up in a basket at the front of the shop saying "Please help yourself" ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

Could you not fiddle the 'leccy?
Or brew your own gin?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I wonder if Brighthouse sell gin
at 96785% APR.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

If you were to sell an £11.99 bottle of gin at that APR, and give them a month to pay
You'd get back £21.27. Easy way to make money, buy alcohol for those who can't afford it the week before payday!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Prostitution
send catface down the docks to turn tricks for sailors
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Last time we tried that he had to pay them to get any action

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

He would be entitled to Income Support then!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)

how much for a good hard shag?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

"right, so we've got sixpence"

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)

Am hitting Puttsborough on Sunday for some super duper
kite flying action if you are surfing?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:40, Reply)

got the inlaws down this weekend
if I'm surfing it'll be saturday, and probably head to dartmoor or somewhere on sunday
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

OH HAI!!!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)

no worries, will let you know when coming down now as friend
just bought a new transporter so going lots.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)

yeah, keep me posted
I'm up that way as much as possible
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)

you can have a go at controlling the 6m behemoth
and see how far you get dragged down the beach. Fun for all.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)

Unless his car "breaks down"

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)

miiaow
still bitter kitty badger?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:55, Reply)

do you want to fuck off?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)

Que?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)

a big vw camper van type thing handy for
long trips to coast.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

hey
how's you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)

I'm alright like
The freshers' rush has calmed and I'm on my dinnah.
How's yourself, you big ol' handsome cathedral?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)

Anglican or Catholic?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)

he looks like our Anglican one
That is nearest my house and I feel safe eating my breakfast with it watching over me.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Plus, the catholic one is just ugly as hell
I assume you're mildly smug about the football this weekend?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

I left the pub in disgust at half time
Because it was looking like a carbon copy of last week's Fulham fandango. Guess who missed the goals!
I'm sorry your team is getting all fucked up lad.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)

Cheers
I'm none too happy about it either, but you've got to look on the bright side. If we do get relegated, tickets should be cheaper!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 14:02, Reply)

good stuff
I'm alright. had a few ups and downs recently, but not too bad now ta
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:53, Reply)

I hope you're alright.
Also have you started the secondment yet?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

nope
it's not for definite yet. Will find out sometime within the next couple of weeks I imagine
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:03, Reply)

Couriers
or in particular, the Home Delivery Network.

I ordered some stuff online and they left a card saying we missed you today when we called to deliver, which is fair enough if they really require a signature...

Having today off work I arranged for them to redeliver today and I've been sitting a few metres from the front door in almost complete silence waiting for this motherfucker to show.

I wandered to the kitchen to get another cuppa and low and behold, the Home Delivery Network had ninja'd a slip under my door. I'm quite confident they didn't even try to knock because I'm sitting so close to the door.

Just going to get it redelivered to work this time, cunts.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)

They don't knock
They have you under surveillance and teleport the card onto your doormat as soon as you so much as walk to the other side of the room.
This I believe to be the only explanation.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)

Ring them immediately and get them to send the driver back.
They will tell you this isn't possible - it is. Ask to speak to the traffic room in the depot rather thant the customer services monkey. They have the power to send a driver back - if you tell them you actually saw the card come through the door and the bloke definitely didn't knock you might get this sorted - especially if you explain that you've taken a day off especially.

If they really won't budge, demand a Saturday delivery: again you'll be told it's not possible, and again it's a lie. Worst case make it your retailer's responsibility to get it to you either before nine or on a Saturday. They won't like it but the problem you have had today is really between them and their carrier. Remind them of this.

/runs a home shopping business
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)

Do you sell mini white fairy lights for my window box?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)

Sadly not. Even if I did they'd be ridiculously expensive.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I KNEW you were really Mohamed Al Fayed.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

I knew he loved football really.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

Loog ad my big fuggin balls.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)

That made me do a lol in the office

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)

Useful advice from Monty!
I seem to have woken in a parallel universe.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)

Makes a refreshing change from 'delete your account and die' I suppose

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:18, Reply)

It does make things "interesting"

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Well unfortunately
by this point I had already rung them and the stupid scouser woman said nothing could be done until the driver had returned to the depot. Didn't know she was lying at the time though - she said they couldn't make contact with their drivers.

I'm on the arse end of a two day hangover so I'm in no mood to argue. I'll phone her back and if they can redeliver - fine but if not send it to my fucking work. Gaaahh

Cheers for the advice though
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:22, Reply)

I'm not angry at all
I phoned in sick on Friday because I felt properly awful and went back to bed, only to wake 2 hours later feeling much better. That was good as I had dinner with my dad in the evening, over which he informed me that he was releasing a portion of our inheritance so that we can enjoy it now. Woohoo! My team managed a creditable draw with Bolton and careful study of the Match of the Day footage reveals that I'm not in any of the crowd shots, so my excuse should hold up.

Woke up late this morning having forgot to set my alarm so am continuing the illness charade for another day. It's a nice day,too, I might go for a run in a bit.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 4 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)