That thread is also too big
stop scaring off the lurkers.

Who's the best lurker?
I like the one that thinks I'm funny.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:51, 269 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is that the lurker in your mind?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:52, Reply)

They're not in my mind,
they're real dammit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:53, Reply)

You just keep telling yourself that
And enjoying the nice padded walls.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)

someone must be clicking my posts.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:59, Reply)

that's you.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

NEAR THE TOP.
I get a few 'I really like your Archive it makes me LOL' gazzes.

And one random one from some bloke calling me a cunt.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I like the one who added me on facebook
just telling me he was a lurker. I am now worried it may have been Bert.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Are his initials KW?
Some random added me.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)

NW I think

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)

That's me, you daft twat.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

wahey!!!
makes sense now, Noel!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

damn you noel just spat my biscuit everywhere

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)

that seems like a rather nasty euphemism

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

that may be Boss Keloid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)

*shrugs*
He's not an offensive facebook friend, he can stay.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)

Well it wasn't me who added you.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

you're not on fb are you big fella?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I am on facebook.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I assumed you were old and bitter like Monty and not up for such new fangled stuff
plus you hate us and want nothing to do with us in real life!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Your point being?
(Actually, I don't hate you all)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)

OH HAI JEFF!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Morning TGB

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)

This comes as no surprise whatsoever.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I haven't got one
are you surprised!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Not in the slightest
But I reckon you'd LOVE to have me as a Facebook friend as it'll increase the number of people you've snared and it'll make you look dead popular amongst your real friends.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Aye but I also enjoy a good cull
Get up to a certain figure than knock off a load. It's very satisfying deleting people.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Re your request.
Get fucked. :-)
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

one day xx

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

But I just imagine
Your 'status updates' will be the best one-line comments about recent events posted on here, but by someone funnier than you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

they're usually about the wire.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:16, Reply)

one of them was for a little while until you outed me on here

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

nah they are usually nonsensical and narcissistic
or quotes from shit telly shows. You know what even I don't want to be my friend anymore.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You do really.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I hate myself and want to die.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Fuck Off Kurt.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

Oh well, whatever. Nevermind.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Are you sure we can't work this out?
It feels like there is something in the way
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

We've gotta find a way - a better way.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)

i am so not adding you now
just so you can delete me as part of your circus of pain
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

come to me Rachel, so I can cast you away at my whim.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

^ What she says.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I usually survive most people's culls
it's because I only post status updates about food and embarrassing things that have happened to me and everything is spelled correctly.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

I delte those that can't spel
becausse there idiots
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I don't mind the bad spelling as much as the intentional txt spk

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)

I h8 that 2
Proper English is the way forward.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I deleted about 8 people on Saturday
Then you went and added me. Grrr.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I was going to guess that you deleted me
Until I remembered seeing you post something this morning which confused me.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

Why would I delete you
you div
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

you're welcome

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

It's not too big. No-one's replied yet
YOU THREAD-STOMPING CUNT.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)

You should delete your thread and then post it again
because you'd like more attention, or do a Bobby as I like to call it.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)

yeah go and slag him off as well
He is definitely old enough to know better!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)

I don't like lurkers.
I also don't like fucking printers. Why have a stop button on them and when you want to stop a print, you press it and nothing happens apart from a lot of beeping.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:55, Reply)

You must be pretty ruined down there
If you can get a printer in.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:57, Reply)

pfft!

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

First time I've been called a lurker
but I suppose, these days, I pretty much am.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)

i'm confused
and don't know which thread to reply to.

i get random propositioning gazzes from many lurkers. i am needy enough that this makes me smug. although thinking about it, they are probably all bert.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I got a gaz saying I was an internet hero basically.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:01, Reply)

from whom?
can you gaz yourself, then?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

Some bloke who found the thread where that racist cunt threatened Enzyme

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

i must have missed that whole thing
do your stuff?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

here
www.b3ta.com/talk/6526734
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

holy shit
what a cockend
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:23, Reply)

carries on here
www.b3ta.com/talk/6526808#post6526864
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:28, Reply)

Just reread that forum he posted on
Fuck me, it really is sickening, isn't it?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

It was fucking incredible
I've never seen anything like it in my life.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

my eyes, my eyes
jeeeesus
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

It's incredible
I really didn't realise that some people thought like that
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

it was quite eye-opening

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

doesn't it make you thankful thought that you're as normal as you are.
for all the shit bits that make up my personality I am glad none of them are racism and ignorance. Stupidity and niaivity sure.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

it does
while I am aware of racism, the way my brain works couldn't let me understand that someone could be that wrong-headed without seeing evidence like that.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)

that was awesome
and terrifying in equal measure
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

I loved it. Mabazritchie was his name-oh.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I thought he was you using a pseudonym.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

So did I at first.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

That'll be me

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

Me!
Alright, swipe? How's tricks?
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

hello you!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

I'm back! At least for a week or two... I missed you!

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

I've never had a gaz from a lurker
Or any rude ones.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

I've had a couple of really random things
same as in real life. I attract unoffensive, not particularly weird people who tell me odd stuff in non-sequiteurs.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Like me?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:06, Reply)

yeah, pretty much
it's usually reasonably entertaining, but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone normal person interested in having a conversation or something.

and still, despite playing some really good gigs recently, being lead guitarist in a band has not had given me a single scrap of female attention. I might not need it, or be in a position to capitalise on it, but it'd still be nice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Female attention is always nice
Caveats: They must be at least of average looks, not fat munters. Also no mental bitches.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

yeah
all I get is fake love from someone I've not met from the internet
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

oh so now I'm not good enough eh?!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

you are the one flinging yourself at other people....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

ohh I was so close

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

VIPROS I LOVE YOU!!
*whips off top*
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:36, Reply)

*points to the caveats*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

*sighs*
I know dear
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:42, Reply)

Goddamit, what does a girl have to do to get some attention round here?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)

boob photos

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Throw a cat in a wheelie bin.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

pretend you're an American businessman with a bird called Cyrstal
go on a fake trip to En-ger-land and wow us with your American take on our country. And gaz Roota daily alternating between begging for forgiveness and blind rage.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I do that last part anyway, Roota's a bitch.
I'm sorry Roota, I didn't mean it, please take me back!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

I got a gaz from a guy who read my QOTW entry where I mentioned getting dizzy walking down spiral stairs
and he gave me a tip on how to avoid it. It fucking works and everyfink. Although he did point out that his 5 year old has the same problem and that's how he knows how to fix it.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

The best trick is to close your eyes
And run as fast as you can down them. You should try it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

It works even better
If you are carrying some sharp knives.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Last time I asked one of my friends if there was lightning as well as the thunder we were experiencing
he suggested I go outside in a foil hat to find out.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)

PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEDOTHIS!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I dislike you.
Funnily enough Wiggy has stacked it twice on those stairs and I have yet to do so, so ha.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:37, Reply)

Still
It's a nice touch. He didn't need to bother.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Nice of you to not mention this life changing tip.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Fine.
I'll probably describe it all wrong and someone will break their neck. He said you should focus on one point fully to the left of you (if your stairs go to the left) and then as you walk around, keep your head in that position until you're facing as much to the right as possible. Then turn your head quickly to start again. He likened it to how ballet dancers do pirouettes, keeping their head still and then turning it sharply.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

when have you seen ballet dancers going down spiral staircases eh?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)

all the time.
Just this morning I passed one on the stairs.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)

you big stinking fibber

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I thought
she was talking about farts.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)

KITTY DOESN'T LIKE TOILET HUMOUR

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Really?
I must apologise.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)

I used to have to do that on the roundabout in the park.*
When the kids were younger and we took them to the playground.
Cave Duck = Not a predatory park paedo.
(Cave Duck, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)

But you never post them here.
Which is a shame.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:02, Reply)

most of them are really sweet
that's why. occasionally some are creepy.

very creepy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

You should post the creepy ones
Even if you leave the senders name off.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

THOSE GAZZES WERE PERSONAL AND FROM THE HEART
y'know...I assume
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

ah colonel
anything you have ever sent me is under my pillow
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

YOU CAN'T SMOTHER MY FEELINGS FOR YOU
oh, I see what you mean.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

i can give it a try with my breasts if you like?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I SAY!
*monacle drops into champagne glass*
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

dreamy sighs
right here
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

Has anyone asked to pee on you yet?

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

YOU DON'T HAVE TO ANSWER THIS, RACHEL.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:13, Reply)

Oh yes she does
Shouldn't have had that last pint...
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

yes
but not on here!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:27, Reply)

If you want that changing I am absolutely bursting....

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)

Or sweaty palmed middle aged shut ins
= / I'm not sure that's worthy of smug
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

you take it where you can get it
that's my motto
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:04, Reply)

you I
where you can get it Up the arse.
Someone had to do it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

And that someone was me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

you were very gentle and tender

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

Thanks.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

I never get propositioned : (

( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Me neither
And I didn't even get replies to all the cock gaz's I sent. Very rude.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I just remembered.
Someone sent me a pic of themselves in their underpants a while ago : )
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)

Haha really?
Good pic or bad?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:08, Reply)

any pic of me is a good one
as well you know
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Bad pic : (
Just a crotch shot.
( girlinthehole, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

It was cold that day, I'll give it another go

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

This one?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I said thank you eventually!
I still haven't had any actual cock gazzes. Or propositioning ones. I feel unloved :(
(berk, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

no one thinks you're funny.
Although kudos on writing a new thread that doesn't contain a news story link.

I'm on 256. Jus' sayin'.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

OMG I AM SO JEALOUS

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:03, Reply)

yeah you are.
I have Lance Armstrong. Do you have Lance Armstrong?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

How the fuck did you get testicular cancer?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

She's saying she's a bike.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

a tandem

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Hahahaha
fofficelol
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

Tandem riders = The most sexist people in the world.
You've never seen a woman on the front of a "mixed" tandem.
(Cave Duck, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)

Which surprises me
as you'd think most men would like to ensure that the woman is doing her fair share of the pedalling.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)

Lance Armstrong is not slang for ball cancer!!

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

it is now

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

*ALCHEMY SPOILER ALERT*
the two elements I had to combine to create him were bicycle and cancer. I think that's in poor taste!
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:54, Reply)

I've noticed someone made an Alchemy for the iPhone
But this version isn't a carbon copy, as I found out when trying to mash Vampire with Werewolf last night.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)

I did that just last night too
Twilight for the win.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)

I love how my mind works though
As shown by going from Human immediately to Corpse, then straight to Zombie!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

I did that, my first thought was "hmmm.....man plus....fire!"

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)

Yep!
I'd be an awesome God.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)

This subthread
is going right over my head. I'm guessing you're talking about some sort of game on your portable telephonic devices?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

indeed
it's annoyingly addictive.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:31, Reply)

Where the FUCK is Wookiee?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:07, Reply)

I thought he got eaten yesterday?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:10, Reply)

It was me. * burps*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

*holds nose*
Urgh - bukkake breath.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

I am here.
*collective sigh of relief*
How can I brighten your dull, shit lives today?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

How can this be happening?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

MAGIC!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:38, Reply)

I take it you've been hilariously misbehaving in my absence.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

I've had some charming gazzes from lurkers
relating to my child issues.

And some absolute filth and smut from some super-hot legal types too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:11, Reply)

this is like the joke
with the fly in the soup. sssh, don't tell everyone, they'll all want one.

or absolutely not, as the case may be.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:12, Reply)

*Beams*
Monty called me 'charming*.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:17, Reply)

You're not a lurker you helmet.
If you are, you're not a very good one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Helmet.
Pfft. I've not been called one of those in years.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:20, Reply)

Don't lie.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

I've not been called a helmet in years though.
I've been called lots of other things, but not helmet.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:34, Reply)

is thinking people should post the best gaz they have recieved - take names off obviously.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:15, Reply)

I received this Gaz at 11:08
add me then you mongoloid
a***** c*****
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)

you lucky devil you!
is there any mid week footie?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Fuck off, no chance.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:18, Reply)

^This
Both to protect myself and others.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:21, Reply)

"Please don't come to ***** I don't want to be raped"
Easily my best /\
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Is the ****** Milton Keynes?

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

Ha!

(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)

i wouldn't know where to start
well alright, i might do
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:26, Reply)

none of mine are very interesting
apart from all the ones from Kitty obviously, but I'm not sharing that stuff with you people.

Some of the stuff from Lab is....interesting...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:29, Reply)

*glares*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)

I'm sorry dude
this isn't going to go away for a good while. Too amusing.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)

For you

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Is this about that Picture?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)

that's the point ;-)
you are assuming what I was referring to though. could have been something completely different
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)

But it wasn't, was it
Nothing else I've sent you has been interesting. Warped, maybe, but not interesting.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)

ok, you've got me
if it is really troubling you that much I will try and stop myself from mentioning it
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)

Nah it isn't troubling me
Just playing to it, like you and Kitty play on the romance thing, and we all play to TGB being horrid when in fact she's lovely.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)

I see no evidence of the latter.

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

this

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

she saves it all up for a chosen few
she has to be horrible to everyone else because she is so nice to a few people.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

Using that logic there must be a handful of people who had a really rough time
off of Ghandi and Mother Theresa
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)

that genuinely made me chuckle
just imagining Mother Theresa helping someone out, receiving a tap on the shoulder and when she sees who it is going "LOOK CAN'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF!"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

thanks for the decree of exclamation
BOBBY MADE A FUNNY!!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)

I made an effort and everything asking about your cupcakes
*huffs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)

I know, I'm sorry badge
I appreciate your efforts.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)

Can I have some details about your cupcakes too?
I'm hoping we're using euphemisms here...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

thought I'd check
I wasn't going to stop anyway :-P

particularly given Kitty's response a little further down :-D
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)

It's been hyped far far too much to ever show it
Plus, it's far far too horrific to ever show it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

I bet it's well lame
like your face
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

LIKE YOUR MUM'S FACE!
YESSSSS!!!!!!!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)

LIKE YOUR GRANS FACE
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

My Gran had a stroke
So you're not wrong.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I thought she died and your granddad started boning someone 20 years his junior?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)

I can have two grans y'know
My mum's mum died about 18 years ago.
My dad's mum is 90 this year, and had a stroke about 2 years ago.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)

I kind of want to see it again

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)

I'm not sending it to you again

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)

what is it of? not fussed about seeing it really but what's the subject?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

FUCKING STOP IT

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)

I like this one, ok then.
Thank you so much for last night, I can't believe you managed to do all the things you did. I have never been so satisfide in my life, you may not be the biggest in the world, but you sure are the best. I saw fireworks and diamonds by the end of it, my knees are still trembling, I'm finding it hard not to walk. And at the cruchendo, when you did that thing with your tounge and my left elbow, I'm pretty sure I saw god himself. I will never know what it's like to take grade-A smack, what it's like to win the lotto, what it's like to find pure and unadulterated pleasure; but I'm sure this is the closest I'd ever get.

I was wondering, I have some friends who I would like to introduce you to for their birthdays; Nancy from Hollyoaks, Cat Deeley, Nigella Lawson and that cute chinese girl who is sometimes on telly.

Yours, foreverly,,

[name obmitted].
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:30, Reply)

hahahaha

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

p.s. Can I pay your mortgage?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

I've never had so much respect for someone from the internet when he managed to get some bint off the net to pay his mortgage.
That's some pretty good trolling there.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:35, Reply)

He is the master
if only he could write a simple list of ways to be like him.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:40, Reply)

I feel a bit bad about trolling her off the board, she was quite an easy target in a lot of respects, and if I had known I could have gotten my mortgage paid (and/or ) bumhole pics...
... well I would have totally played this one out differently.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)

Bumhole pics?
O_o
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)

Yeh', I thought she was sharing bumhole pictures of herself (taken using a series of pullies and leavers), but turns it I was wrong, she was just paying people's mortgages.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)

.... which works well for me, if I had the choice, I'd rather someone pay my mortgage than send me a bumhole pic.
However, if it's only bumhole pics that are on the cards, i'd take that one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)

Was it from Sexface?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:41, Reply)

Ask Lampito

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)

I quite like this one:
"I am desperate EVERY WEEK!"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)

*raises eyebrow*
Was that me?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)

I pulled an all nighter last night and finally got to sleep at 6:30, and now I'm awake !
Oh man, I did such good work, this guy is going to offer me a job for £100kpa !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:31, Reply)

100 kilopascals?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 11:33, Reply)

It's a high-pressure role, though.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)

Jet washing the patio?

(Cave Duck, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)

ohhh this made me laugh
and now I'm ashamed.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)

It's nothing to be ashamed of
It just means your humour's on the same level as mine.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

Oxymoron alert!

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)

Afternoon all
On the subject of strange random gazzes, I've had a few from people about my qotw stories, and one that was rather worryingly just 'I know who you are'.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)

That's actually rather creepy...
How's being back at uni and stuff?
(berk, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)

what's worst, is he did know
Got back on sunday night but was really ill all yesterday. It's quite depressing to be back. How are you?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)

I know it;s a daily mail article but this has actually spoilt my day. Poor little fucker.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1317834/Holly-Stuckey-dies-fathers-arms-tormented-school-bullies.html
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)

Nothing will happen to them
And ok it's not their fault she had a weak heart, but they're still little cunts.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)

It's not anyones fault is it really that's the sad thing.
Just unfortunate events and circumstances. Just horribly sad.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)

They didn't help though
I know it's almost a case of 'Bullying: Someone's got to cop it' but it's so scary and lonely for the kid going through it. And not all of them have the strength and the foresight not to let it ruin them for the rest of their lives.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)

that's the truth
Especially shy kids like her
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

oh no of course not
but there will never be a situation where teasing/bullying isn't in schools because it's a normal part of adult life. It's just a shame that children and some adults won't speak to someone. I don't even feel angry towards the bullies because I don't think they are old enough to fully comprehend what they are doing. I just feel sorry for the poor little girl. I don't think blaming people works really.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

You're right
But occasionally the red mist descends and I feel like battering the little dickheads. Or pinning them to the wall in my Accord.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)

true true!
I shouted at a 4 year old last year for throwing mud and I lost my cool a little. I felt so guilty seconds after though it was horrible.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)

It would have been better
to have thrown mud back at him. A face full of brown gunge would have made the point adequately, I think.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)

yes you can blame the kids
12 years old is not too young to understand consequences. At the age of 10 the law expects you to diffrentiate good and evil. They were nasty and cruel, not innocents
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)

Bullies aren't always aware of the effect they're having
A bit of name-calling might be like water off a duck's back to one kid, but might destroy another.
The threat of violence could be an invitation to a good ruck to one kid and absolutely terrifying to another.

There are people who bullied me and I bump into them now and they're all "Hi Roota, how you doing? I saw your nan the other day. Here's a photo of my baby."
Things get distorted. Some kids are evil bastards and know exactly what they're doing though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)

you may be right
But I'm sticking to the conclusion that most of the time they know. I was bullied for ages for being 'ugly' and 'stupid' and those kids knew what they were doing. It was my good luck that I've never been good about caring about peoples opinions of me. Yet it still left a blot in early teenage years, and people I know suffer from severe after effects from relentless bullying. I don't find it plausible that there is no reason for people to bully, and if there is a reason there is understanding
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)

I think they had a Rolodex of 'reasons' to bully me
But meh, they were stupid and angry and if the urge to bully strikes, I guess it's a kid like me who's going to cop it.
Happiness and confidence are the best revenge.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:48, Reply)

I haven't met a 12 year old that I would confidently say was level headed and rational.
I don't doubt they can differentiate between right and wrong at all, but what there understanding of right and wrong is I can't comment on. I don't think at 12 anyone can be fully held repsonsible for their actions. I don't neccessarily believe it's all the parents fault either. I don't really see what beneficial results come out of blaming someone anyway. The kids responsible will learn from this, hopefully the teachers will, the system won't.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)

im afraid we'll have to disagree
12 year olds do have a sense of right and wrong if they are of average intelligence. And I don't think those kids will really learn from this tragedy bec_se it won't mean anything to them.n if they have little sense it was wrong as you claim, then why would they associate the 2 things, if they do as I think, they just wouldn't really care. Either way nothing is learned by anyone, until you fully impress the consequences
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)

the consequences for a lot of kids is that they overcome the bullying
and go one to be even more confident and happy than they would have otherwise been.
Swings and roundabouts, and it won't stop happening.
All anyone else can do is step in when it does. I'm a bullying and harrassment advisor at work and I think people will always try it on, you know, pick their mark, see who's weak. We need to teach people and kids how to nip it right in the bud and not be intimidated.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)

good point, well made. I hope you are wrong though. I want to believe
that the children responsible will one day realise what they did and make changes. It's an idealistic view I know.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

One lad who bullied me now beats his own kids
Another girl who bullied me has a fairly decent job and is by all accounts a good mother. We've made amends but I draw the line at being her friend on facebook
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)

Although there are many sides to every story.
For example, a lot of the bullies (not all of them) came from homes where, at best it was bullying in the home, at at worst, abuse.

It wouldn't suprise me to find that the bully's parents, at least some of them, were drunking abusive shitholes, and if that's the case, that death is on their hands.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)

'I feel like no one'
I've tried to post the Peter Noone pic in the comments section but you cannot upload pictures apparently.

Gutted.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

Haha you cunt

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)

I shall be looking out for the comment that describes how the lead singer of Herman's Hermits
was also bullied at school and was an outspoken campaigner on the subject.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)

You fucker
I just LOLed but I managed to make it look like I was laughing at something the director said to me
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)

ha you are a card.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)

I was going to post it for you but decided on this instead...

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)

I AM OUTRAGED BY THIS
I mean really...posting a Daily Mail link? GTFO
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)

sorry, since the Times started charging I haven't settled on an online newspaper yet.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)

Read The Onion it's the only one that makes sense

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)

That always makes me cry.
I prefer The Turnip
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)