Morning peeps!
Four Chilean miners are out of the ground.
What's been your greatest escape?

Alt Q Do you recon there was a bit of bumming down there?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 7:51, 206 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It wouldn't surprise me.
People are bumming everywhere.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 7:53, Reply)

Summer of 2009 the threat of bumming was everywhere.
You couldn't get on a couch in a party for fear of a bumming.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 7:57, Reply)

I stayed home that summer.
For fear of a sore arse.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:04, Reply)

I didn't :(

(Bazongaloid, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:05, Reply)

Oh poor Al
I just about escaped. It was close when I entered one hotel room to see that the small beds had been arranged specifically to facilitate bumming.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:07, Reply)

um my greatest escape will be in 4 weeks and 4 days time.
cannot WAIT to get out of here.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:23, Reply)

I'm very excited for you : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:33, Reply)

I'm very excited for me too.
I asked a friend to buy me a ticket to see Bellowhead in november while I'm over. :D it'll be my first ever gig and all.
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:49, Reply)

I managed to escape the London bombings by being in Kiev and 9/11 by being in Slough

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:27, Reply)

Phew. Fucking close, man.
Although I'm still not sure Slough is actually better than dying in a burning tower. At least not by much.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:30, Reply)

I was dicing with death for sure, but that's always the case in Slough.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:46, Reply)

I was in Slough on 9/11.
In Tesco, to be precise. Working on the hot chicken counter. I think I would rather have been crushed by falling buildings.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:56, Reply)

just how hot were these chickens?
I've never found one attractive before.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:00, Reply)

Hot enough to merit their own dedicated counter.
Those were greasy times.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I was in a cafe - Ann's Pantry on the Slough Trading Estate.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:06, Reply)

I managed to escape the Blitz
by not being born until 29 years after it ended.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:52, Reply)

I had a similar experience with the bubonic plague

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)

You were born around 1700?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:07, Reply)

I said similar
there was a matter of several hundred years difference, but I thought that a small consideration.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

I wasn't so lucky.
I was there in 1982; Steve Strange and Boy George tried to bum me.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:24, Reply)

this sounds like a lie

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Shortly after the Criminal Justice Bill was passed
I was lawfully stopped and searched in the street at Angel because I happened to be in the vicinity of an illegal party (you could hear it somewhere, it sounded shit). By a fabulous combination of sheer fluke and police incompetence I was not found to be in possession of 3-5 years' worth of naughtiness - and they searched me twice, such was the evident terror/guilt on my face.

I had my meeting last night. I shall not be going back to work in this field.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:51, Reply)

Jesus!
Where were you hiding them?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:53, Reply)

Ahem. 'Strictly Ballroom'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:54, Reply)

??
Oh...between your balls?

Nice.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:54, Reply)

Turned out to be a very shrewd move.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:55, Reply)

I bet it gave them a unique sweaty flavour.
Right, off to get dressed for lectures. Au revoir mes petits, have fun!
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:57, Reply)

Have you seen that video of some guy getting searched
policeman: "what's this then? What's this?"
Guy: "That's my penis officer"
Policeman: "umm, sorry about that... you're free to go"
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:58, Reply)

I don't watch your kind of specialist videos,
I'm afraid, so no, I've not.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)

the guy is not naked
the officer is patting him down from behind/to the side and as the guy is wearing absurd baggy attire (basketball shirt or something) the officer is unaware that he is grabbing the guys beef truncheon.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)

don't stop

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)

thinking about tomorrow?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:06, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:07, Reply)

At the wedding reception I went to at the weekend
The bride's half-brother (no Bert jokes here) sang a few songs after the first dance, including Don't Stop Believing.
The kid's about 14, but by Jove could he sing! I told the bride that he ought to whore himself out on YouTube and become the British Justin Bieber (though this kid looks less girly) before his balls drop and it all goes to hell.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)

You fancied him, didn't you, 'by Jove'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)

No, the bride was looking far too hot for that

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)

I believe you. Really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:20, Reply)

Last wedding I was at
(two weeks ago) the best man implied the bride was a tranny
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:37, Reply)

What did he say?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:41, Reply)

He said that after marriage
you find out things about each other. Like that (the bride) wasn't allergic to peanuts, she had a penis.

It was the wrong crowd entirely.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Ha ha, that's so stupid.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:45, Reply)

That's not exactly implied
so much as "stated" ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:20, Reply)

nah the obvious meaning would be that the groom was gay
and marrying a crossdresser, the implication was that the bride was trans.

Sorry I've been infected by gay night
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

I have seen it
and it is most amusing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:02, Reply)

I'll bet you have.
'Cop Gropes 9'

'999 Letsby Avenue'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

what did the german police officer say to his torso?
YOU ARE UNDER A VEST!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Please leave the internet.
Do not pass 'Go'.
Do not collect £200
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:07, Reply)

*does so*

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Good. You've made the right decision not to return to that career.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I thought it would clash with my evening work as a rapist.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:55, Reply)

and we all know how you love your evening job.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

It's thankless work, on the whole,
but I like to think I'm 'giving something back'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)

I'm thinking about taking a weekend job punching tramps. Might clash with my new hobby of stabbing gypsies though

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)

Multi-task, man. You can do it!
Society will thank you.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:13, Reply)

I do love stabbling gypsies. I think I am going to start leaving pieces of "lucky heather" in each stab wound.
That will show the annoying thieving cunts how fucking "lucky" it is.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)

Or give tramps knives and pay them booze to stab gypsies.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)

BUMFIGHTS!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:15, Reply)

What and deny myself the pleasure of a good stabbing? Never.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:19, Reply)

You're meant to be helping those unfortunate souls not spurring them on.
Your missus must be extremely grouchy.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:03, Reply)

She was extremely hormonal last night - worse than most months. I went to the pub for some peace and quiet and she followed me there half an hour later FFS.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:09, Reply)

Hahahahaha
if she has to suffer so do you. I like her she sounds cool.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:12, Reply)

It says a lot that you think
whiney hormonal women are cool
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

He's hoping to finally touch a woman one day.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:17, Reply)

a consensting one at least.
At this rate I really am going to be Chompy.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

It probably does to an unhinged sanctimonious cunt rag yes, but on here doesn't really so much.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:21, Reply)

....what?
The inbreeding is showing there
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

With a face like yours you would be the expert. Those eyes are a bit beady and close together arent they.
I would put a tenner on you having webbed feet.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

Easiest tenner I ever made

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Now if he'd said
"Freezing cold, ice block feet" instead of "webbed", things would have been different.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

heehee
You were like a little stove
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

sorry I mispelled webbed and feet there
I meant haunted vagina
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)

You're like a poor karaoke version of Al

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

ut ay
on you having for a foot job from your
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:28, Reply)

Haha
gross
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

^ anger on the internet ^ bit early for that isn't it?
Are you working up to a flounce?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

We can only hope.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

nah I've done my flounce, well more a silent protest.
I don't take anything seriously on here anymore. I just don't like TGB very much.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Did you do a silent protest? Did I miss it?
Is that because a silent protest on the INTERWEBS is one of the most retarded ideas I have ever heard?
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

That was the joke wankie, but I wouldn't expect you to get it
when you're too busy trying to have a pop. You keep trying though. A for effort.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Bob, go and have a lie down for an hour or two NOW before this all gets unnecessary.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Nothing untoward going on, I'm halfway through a dooby
watching Top Gear. I shall not be ruffled.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Wankie?
Maintain this quality of insult and I'll try to ignore you being a mong the rest of the time.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

Worst. Silent. Protest. Evaar

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

you just like
other people being tortured for once
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

Even if it is only for afew days a month, somehow the balance is restored.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

cool mad as a box of frogs with gulf war syndrome for a couple of days.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:17, Reply)

You were fucking lucky there!
And I'm glad you won't be working in that field, you have too much to lose over what amounts to a little more money.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:57, Reply)

I really could use a grand or two extra a month, though.
I had to think quite hard about it, it wasn't as cut and dried as you might think.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:01, Reply)

An extra 12-24k a year
At the risk of losing your daughter or being done over by 'gangstas'?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)

It'd put my daughter through university in a matter of months.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:06, Reply)

surely she's a bit young for that?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:08, Reply)

No.
She's like one of those poor 'competitve parent' Indian kids who qualify as accountants when they're about fucking five.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:10, Reply)

She's going to qualify as an accountant
as part of her rebellious stage.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:14, Reply)

I am secretly hoping
that embarrassment about her 'Creme Brulee' dad will drive her to success.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:16, Reply)

Worked for one girl I know. So good on you!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)

I understand you've put a lot of thought into it
Whereas for me it wouldn't even enter my mind. We're in different circumstances though, so I'm sorry if I sound sanctimonious.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:11, Reply)

Sometimes easy money isn't as easy as you think.
*nods sagely*
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)

Oh Monty I'm so glad.
Things are finally looking up for you and money means sod all (unless you're homeless and starving.)
I'm going to do something now. I apologise in advance.
*hugs*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:54, Reply)

*gets a semi*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:28, Reply)

semifreddo?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I could have developed a Mancunian accent.
Alt: Probably.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:54, Reply)

I escaped from being beaten in the face by an angry man with nunchucks
Who had just finished beating one person in the face, and who looked up and saw me. I'm hoping that my sheer terror made me resemble a hard man, and that's why he didn't beat me to a pulp.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:59, Reply)

They've apparently sworn
never to talk about what happened in the first 17 days before they made contact.
I bet they ate someone.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 8:59, Reply)

Stalagmite sex toys?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:00, Reply)

You get those in caves not mines.
Your joke is invalid.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Fine then
Rock stump sex toys?
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:02, Reply)

Massive mining drillbits up each other's jacksies.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

the mine may have intersected a cave system

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:03, Reply)

Your comment shows a fundamental misunderstanding of the local geology,
I expected better from you.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:04, Reply)

I have no knowledge of the geology of the area and was merely speculating

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:05, Reply)

Hahah pun intended, right?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:06, Reply)

indeed

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:09, Reply)

+r
*sigh*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

I reckon there was a bit of bumming
my greatest escape was climbing out a bathroom window once
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:18, Reply)

A particularly nasty dump?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:30, Reply)

nope
I accidentally locked myself in. It was a first floor window as well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:32, Reply)

Was climbing out a better option than say....
....asking someone to help? Or kicking out the trap door?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:13, Reply)

My parents would have been very annoyed
if I had kicked the door down, and there was no-one else in the house.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:15, Reply)

Ah right. I thought it was a public place.
Did you absail down the side using a rope made of towels? Or make a parachute out of toilet paper?
It has to be one of those two.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:18, Reply)

it'll sound a bit posh
but it was an old Georgian manor house with a kitchen extension built on the back. It was a relatively short drop onto that, and then there was a tree close by. It was a very lucky escape though I didn't realise it at the time, since the tree was actually due to be removed because of dead wood
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:22, Reply)

Ian McShane?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

wikipedia tells me he was in Deadwood
but at no point has he been forcibly removed from my garden
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:30, Reply)

...or bathroom?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)

+lady

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:54, Reply)

My great escape was not starting that second bottle of wine last night.
Thus enabling me to be only slightly hungover and not at death's door.
( girlinthehole, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:20, Reply)

damn you
I drank too much and now my throat is killing me
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:30, Reply)

Well I went to this camp
It wasn't great, the food was lousy, the beds were thin and the guys running it were complete bastards. Me and a couple of my mates decided we were going to get out of there, sadly the camp was locked up pretty well so we decided to dig our way out. Sadly we miscalculated how far it was to clear the nosey guards range and ended up a bit short so had to make a run for it. Some numpty dropped his briefcase and I think he may have been caught. I managed to get out and make it to a town. Sadly at this point I hadn't seem terminator so missed the ultimate oppotunity of saying "I want your clothes, your boots and your motocycle"
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:26, Reply)

Hit enter too early?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)

The rest of it was quite depressing :(

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)

Houston airport on way back from Costa Rica.
I was idly watching a sniffer dog at the luggage carousel when I suddenly realised I forgot to give away/dump a large bag of weed and a film cannister full of 'sniff'.
The dog must have had a cold as it walked within 2 metres without noticing.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:29, Reply)

do they have dogs trained to sniff out different things?
I'd heard that such might be the case, but have no idea myself
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:36, Reply)

At an airport it could have been sniffing for explosives rather than drugs.

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:37, Reply)

that was my thought
no idea if that is how it works though.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:38, Reply)

Oh man if only we were hooked up to some kind of thing that had like answers to all our questions. Like the infonet or something
A detection dog can be trained to detect anything with a signature scent. The options are endless.

Dogs in airports can be trained for many things, although they are primarily trained to detect drugs, explosives or food. It is illegal to import certain kinds of food. At our airport, there is a beagle that detects 15 types of food, and a Griffin that detects explosives.

Dogs are NOT cross trained for drugs and explosives, it is one or the other. Items can retain the scen to drugs for a long time. If the explosive items or the package it is in had an odor of drugs, the dog could incorrectly signal as drugs. Not really a great idea.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:39, Reply)

thanks :-)

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:41, Reply)

That told you, didn't it?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:15, Reply)

I thought Griffin's didn't exist?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:42, Reply)

Griffin's what?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:44, Reply)

haha

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:51, Reply)

UR my mother AICMFP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

I "gave birth" to something that looked and smelt a lot like you in the lavatory just now

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Fucking hell
Griffins that detect explosives?

I want a centaur that can find truffles, and a unicorn that knits beanies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Would the unicorn use it's horn as a needle?
Surely you'd need two working in harmony to knit something like a beanie.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

....on the bedpost overnight?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Is this comment a subtle witticism...
...or are you trolleyed?
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)

I read that as 'troll-eyed'
And now I'm picturing him sat under a bridge harassing the locals.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

and eating goats

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

It's a shit Lonnie Donegan joke.
Roota would get it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

it doesn't scan though

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:56, Reply)

I had a similar thing at Crufts a few years ago - a coin bag full of green and I went to look at the sniffer dog stand. I thankfully realised when I was about 20 foot away

(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:36, Reply)

Hahaha!
That would be the best arrest ever.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:10, Reply)

It was all about the bumming down there

( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:34, Reply)

I bought a recon
radio once. Didn't last long. Best to buy new, where cheap electronics are concerned. You can save a lot by buying decent kit second-hand, though.
( Kroney, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 9:58, Reply)

reconditioned ipods off the apple store are worthwhile
if you like that sort of thing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:00, Reply)

I really don't
but all such knowledge is useful eventually.
( Kroney, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:04, Reply)

On a snowboarding trip with the boys a few years ago. Some woman in front crashed on a bend and
caused the coach to go spastic leaving us very close to the edge. Rather than wait for assistance, pedro, the driver decideds to plough on and I spent an uncomfortable few minutes staring down the side of a mountain. Fair play to him though he sorted it.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:08, Reply)

I wanted a balancing act involving gold
Once again your posts leave me dissapointed
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:10, Reply)

your posts my bitter, miserable existence +s
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:14, Reply)

are you a Nazi TGB?
if not then while do you belong to the SS?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:16, Reply)

While do I belong?
Is that Jamacian?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:17, Reply)

touche for the very first time

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:23, Reply)

Did you pull?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:25, Reply)

I kissed two girls
so yeah sort of. It was a good night though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

Glad to hear it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:27, Reply)

*Imagines Monty wants to hear more*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:29, Reply)

She's gazzed me some 'too hot for Off Topic' pictures already.

Racier than Jesse Owens, they are.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Ha ha.
Glad to see you've jettisoned thoughts of a second job mate.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)

2nd job
doing what??
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Rough trade bum-boy fluffer.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)

and he turned it down??
How rare
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)

you said you wouldn't mention those!
On a separate note the really creepy butch lesbian who nearly bit my face off last year didn't recognise me at drinks and reintroduced herself
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Did she try and bite your face off again?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:35, Reply)

no
I stayed well away. And according to her I wasn't hot anyway.

I resisted the urge to tell her that two separate people had told me that she had a massive downstairs
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

Like a bungalow
with a loft conversion?? I'm confused
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)

a cavernous vagina
to make things clearer
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

*was trying to make joke*
fail
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

A massive downstairs?
Not a turn of phrase i've ever heard before.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

really?
I'm pretty sure Al uses that frequently
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Really.
I've not heard that phrase before.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

HAHAHA!
Massive how, like, gaping? Or just it occupies an abnormally large surface area, reaching from bumhole to naval, and encroaching down each thigh?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I reckon gaping
not that I'd go near with a bargepole. Though she'd probably like that
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

It's probably the only thing she'd be able to feel

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

yeah
I didn't like her even apart from the facerape and insult
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:46, Reply)

I am now up to episode 24 of season 2

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:33, Reply)

That is an immense effort.
Are you watching them all on a mobile phone?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Yeah
at home over the wifi, gets most excellent picture
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:36, Reply)

*Goes into concerned parent mode*
You'll go blind, straining your eyes, looking at such a small screen.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:38, Reply)

It's quite a big screen!

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

You sure?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

the screen is twce as big as a cat
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

thanks
the me trying not to be nice thing didn't work out though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:31, Reply)

you should have pimp-slapped them

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:34, Reply)

wasn't the butch lesbian
on my way home in high heels, I came across a guy lying in the street and a girl trying to wake him. Couldn't just walk on by however much I tried. So I stayed with him while she went to find a porter- she didn't know him either. Then a man stopped and helped me lift him so he wasn't in the middle of the small road and the cars could pass. We found his keys and college card in his pocket luckily, and she managed to get him back. Then I stuffed my face with onion rings
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:37, Reply)

there are some times when it's not being nice, it's doing the right thing
you need to find a healthy balance between acting like a cunt, and not actually being one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You seem to have posted that advice to Amberl, not Monty.
I'm confused.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

like the awesome balance I have achieved?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Thats with the help of your massive flaps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I put wheels on them so I glide down hills
Thinking of installing some green neon underlighting
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Cool cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

precisely

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:42, Reply)

I'm still working on it

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I entered a competition at work on Monday to win tickets to England v Montenegro
I count my failure to win as a fairly awesome escape.

Also, this dates from the start of the miners' imprisonment, but still makes me piss myself; www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/international/chilean-mine-starting-to-sound-not-bad-201008263039/
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I bet you'd love to 'mount a negro'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:41, Reply)

That's not bad
but I've seen you do better. I'll shall give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you've yet to have a coffee this morning
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:43, Reply)

I actually did a small lol
at Monty for that remark
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:44, Reply)

it amused me too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 13 Oct 2010, 10:45, Reply)