Sat in a lecture watching a video of a convicted paedo
Giving tips on grooming. When did you last feel totally uncomfortable!
Edit. Two people have walked out now this is fucked up
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:21, 199 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You have to go to school to learn how to be a paedo?
Who knew!
( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)

It's weird hearing someone talk so casually about it with no remorse.
He used the line "people left me in positions to long" take some responsibility you horrid nonce.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

It is weird
As is seeing someone who you know is guilty of such filth.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

Now
Nasty case has nasty stuff in.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)

Yeah but you help to put them away so little win.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)

Struggling to feel like a win today

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Suck it up,
you have to know this shit to properly notice any warning signs.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

I was just going to steal your diary, chock full of first hand accounts I reckon.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

Seriously though, no matter how horrible it is ignoring it isn't going to make it go away.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

I said the same thing about meeting you

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)

I got a pay rise today
Thought you'd like to know that.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

I'm not ignoring it , I didn't leave I just said it was uncomfortable.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

I was talking more about the people who left.
but yeah suck it up, it's important if horrible.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

aid it was uncomfortable tarted masturbating as if my life depended upon it
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You are a bad bad man Monty Boyce.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

It's not me that's the nonce.
Fucking hell, don't shoot the messenger.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

ahaha I'm not, just that comment you made, made me snort my tea out my nose.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

+while loudly imagining the lord's prayer

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

Loudly imagining?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

you can't talk in a lecture.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

You're not supposed to beat off in lectures either, but our Bobby doesn't let that stop him.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

when I was at uni
one of the girls on my course used to casually flick the bean in lectures and the library

true story
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

and now you're engaged.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

a or
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)

hahaha
I wish you posted more often.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:01, Reply)

Much as it pains me,
sometimes they actually make me do some work.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

I like this!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

very good

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

no, the girl who did it was far far far too Welsh

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

perhaps vehemently would have been a better choice of word

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

obviously mental shouts get through to the Great Divine Lord better then quieter mental prayer..

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I know you're a pensioner now but please stop trying to live vicariously through me
By projecting your nastiness.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

congratulations
I could do with one of those
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

Just my "I've been here 2 years" one
nice enough though, about £1000 a year pre tax.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

definitely nice to have
we haven't been told if the pay freeze here is still on. I imagine it is.

Fortunately the company is doing well internationally, so we should get a bonus in April which is nice.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

i got a £10k payrise and a bonus in may, which was nice
this time around, the criteria for bonuses is so ridiculous i won't be seeing a red cent of it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

This probably won't make you many friends

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

we're all used to it by now.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Still doesn't make me happy about it

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)

you could convert to law and specialise in construction or patents or something with your background
if you wanted, you're clearly brighter than most!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

you will receive little sympathy for that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)

i'm being flippant. it's no fun if people don't-
oh wait, al has bitten. marvellous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

I am still gobsmacked that you have the audacity to complain about paying tax
when you can receive a 10K pay rise and a bonus. My wages would rise by something like 40-50% if I got that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

i don't complain about paying tax
although obviously i would prefer not to.

i complain vociferously about what they spend the money on. less lesbian quangos looking into the effects of wearing knee-high socks as opposed to ankle-socks on 4-5 year olds and more pay for doctors and teachers, please!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:57, Reply)

and lecturers.
Don't forget the lecturers.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

no need
no one will be going to uni soon
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Not true.
Rich people will.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

someone in the pub the other night had an additional idea to my
"you get your fees paid for if your A-levels are good enough" idea.

if you piss around at uni and get less than a certain mark, you have to pay the fees back.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Ooh congratulations
what are you getting me for my birthday?
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

Those shoes applebite really wants just to piss her off.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

hahaha that would be a bit funny

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Would she explode in some sort of shoe rage?

(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

I imagine she's more a pouter
Maybe a foot-stomper, but not a rager. She's too meek for that.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

She might use her mad pole/agility skillz
And kick Chompy in the head.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

we discussed how we would use pole in a fight.
She says she would swing around it and kick people in the head, I would just shimmy up to the top and call insults from there.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

Fuck that.
Hulk out and hit people with it.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:24, Reply)

She'll pout and huff and then talk really fucking fast at you I would imagine.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Well done, I got one yesterday too!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

I thought your boss hated you.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

he means he took a tenner from his boss' desk drawer

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

I'm not you

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

haha of all the things I'm currently being accused of
theft is not one of them!
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

YOU STOLE MY HEART

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)

haha

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:50, Reply)

He does
It was quite odd. He called me in, said that while I do sometimes act a cunt, my work is appreciated.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Just shuffle around in your seat until your lob-on's a bit less awkward.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)

this made me go "urgh"
in my living room. No one's here though.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

You tell the best stories.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)

I know.
I just thought I heard someone in the house and I got all scared, but it turned out it was the radiator clicking on so it wasn't someone in the house so now I'm not scared.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

You should ensure that you have a weapon close to hand anyway, just in case.
Just be careful not to stab up the postman by mistake.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

When I was younger
I got home one night and an extractor fan was on. I looked all over the house for what in my mind was some psycho-murderer, then spent the rest of the evening until my family got home sitting with a knife next to me. Turned out the fan was just broken and hadn't switched off hours earlier.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

I remember freaking out because I could hear voices and stuff in the house but couldn't locate the noise
this was when I lived in my parents house which was fucking huge and creaky. I dragged the poor dog around with me even though she's wussier than me and it ended up being my bloody walkman playing through the headphones.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

When I'd just moved to London I was alone in my student house, and traumatised by the wails of an abused baby from next door's garden.
Then my housemate from the countryside came home and called me a mong for nearly calling the police over some foxes fucking.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

hahahaha

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

getting dressed this morning
as i will be walking 6 miles in the freezing cold to the gym this evening, i had bought extra thick tights. they are soft charcoal grey wool and so thick that wearing them is making my skirt too tight to sit comfortably in it.

only after pulling them on did i see that the designer has gone and patterned them.......... with a pattern of many tiny HOLES...... what is the fucking point of that, might as well be bare-legged. so now i have cold legs as well.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)

In better news, but without thread-stomping:
It looks like his turkey-skull throne will sit empty now.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)

GUTT-ED!!!!!
Signed

Turkey Lurkey.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)

hell fire
also taking instructions from my very formal client. i now have to write a "cease and desist" letter asking the client's tenant to stop selling a "novelty item" which is charmingly called "wank tissues".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:32, Reply)

Whats the difference between them and normal tissues then?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:38, Reply)

the lease does not prohibit the selling of the latter

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)

You drew up a lease specifically mentioning wank tissues?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:42, Reply)

this is rachelswipe we are talking about here

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

She probably included a clause about what would happen in the event of her putting on a white shirt
and undoing the top two buttons and then leaning over the lease holders desk to point out where to sign.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

this is what i do in court
unless it's a female judge
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

You don't try to intimidate her with boob envy then?
e.g., "Back off, toots, I could suffocate your sense of justice with these."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

no
female judges are inevitably feisty and hateful of younger female lawyers!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

I wondered about that clause on my last lease.

( Peej, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

i do not draw up leases
i sue people when the leases go wrong or they don't stick to them.

(although you'd think that wank tissues would encourage sticking to them...)
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

A friend of mine has recently moved back in with his parents at the tender age of 34
Both times that I have visited, his parents have been sniffy with me. I've known them almost 20 years but now they're all "Alright for some" when they talk to me.

Uncomfortable stuff.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:34, Reply)

this "it must be your fault somehow" reminds me of my grandmother's funeral earlier in the year (bear with me!)
my brother and i dithered around for ages about going in to see the open casket - we really didn't want to, but it seemed disrespectful not to, blah blah. in the end we went, and in the chapel we found my uncle and a strange woman standing on the other side of the coffin. my brother and i approached and murmured hello to my uncle.

the strange woman then fixed her eyes on me across the body and said, "oh, you're rswipe. you played with my daughter at your uncle's wedding 25 years ago." riiiiiiiiiiiiiight, ok. THEN she said:

"and now you're a fancy solicitor down in london and she's a heroin addict in liverpool prison."

it was possibly the most surreal moment of my life.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:39, Reply)

what a fucking weirdo

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:40, Reply)

there are very very very few times in my life when i am speechless
this was one of those times!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

How dare you make something of your life!

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

well to be fair
some would say i haven't!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Well, none of us are working on a cure for cancer and bringing about world peace.
Apart from berk, who IS working on a cure for cancer. But what has she done about world peace? NOTHING. Selfish biatch.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:51, Reply)

and rakky
she has a tremendously important job.

meanwhile i am stopping a shop from selling "wank tissues" and "penis measurers" (i actually did have to ask the client the difference between that and an ordinary ruler. he didn't know)

hmmmmmmmmmmmm.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

Oddly enough I have 2 novelty penis measuring rulers in my office
A "wacky" client gave them to me. i'll use them to light the fire.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

hang on
your client gave you penis measuring rulers?

that is a very random gift. which of his assets were you assessing for him, exactly??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

He was going to sell novelty crap on the internet
another genius who had a Eureka moment of "Stupid idea + Internet = MASSIVE PROFITS"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)

jesus
that is quite lame.

what i can't get over is why he thought you needed TWO. is he implying that you needed to put them end-to-end to do your measuring or something??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

I am currently doing a lot for world peace
by not coming down south and kicking your cheeky arse, thank you!
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

Whoops!
BUSTED.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

Hehehe

(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:17, Reply)

That's what I go to school for.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

I can't believe you played dealer and skag head with that ladies daughter.
You should be ashamed.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:43, Reply)

That's insane.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)

This woman clearly believes in some sort of universal pleasure-pain balance theory
vis-a-vis, "You did so well for yourself so my daughter had to go and completely ruin her life to restore karmic balance. You BITCH."
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:46, Reply)

well it's the natural order of things, innit?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

Does make me wonder what "game" swipey and the other girl played 25 years prior to this
that would inextricably link their fates in this manner.

How much did the poor girl get for her soul, rachel? How much?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

she was from halifax
£1.50
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

That was a lot of money in those days.
Probably enough for her to score her first Massive Bag of Heroin and start her on the road to self-destrcuction. How could you?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)

i was 7
she was 9. not my fault.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:54, Reply)

and a sweetie from your pocket that was all linty I bet.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Not only was it linty
It was one of those blue tablet-shaped ones from the box of Liquorice Allsorts that taste of aniseed and nobody likes.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

i assumed you were talking about viagra until i got to "liquorice allsorts"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

are you going to the manc bash mister crow?
if you're not going to my bash at least go to the manc one!
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

I'm afraid not.
Sorry. I will come to a bash at some point, I promise.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Like you, then? (if you tasted of aniseed)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:19, Reply)

And lived in a box of Liquorice Allsorts, yes.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I reckon the game was called,
"Petty criminal who steals to fund debilitating drug addiction and legal representative"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:57, Reply)

absolutely right
but i think we called it "tag"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:59, Reply)

That's well odd

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:47, Reply)

Shouldn't you be paying attention to the lecture
rather than watching some kiddie fiddler on your laptop under the desk?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:37, Reply)

Ha

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:41, Reply)

Right I'm going to go and get the post
pray for me kids.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:48, Reply)

*urinates liberally over office*
Oh...pray? Bugger...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

r e y
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

*says lords prayer*
*gets highly aroused*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:49, Reply)

*Shouts the Lord's Prayer*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

ffs it hasn't arrived yet.

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:50, Reply)

Nor have I

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:52, Reply)

nice.

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:53, Reply)

hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

Welcome to PoD's world
Of everyone in business being useless and slow.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

It's annoying waiting for my death sentence.
and I have to go all the way down 3 flights of stairs in the cold to check if the post has arrived.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:04, Reply)

Damn lazy postpeople
I've been waiting 5 weeks for a piece of paper to get signed somewhere in England. I've since been asked to an interview for a much better, and longer, position.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

The postal service is a bit of a mess right now
Parcels are taking about 5-7 working days to be delivered, rather than 1-2.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:06, Reply)

If I don't get this sodding letter today I'm going to be so mad

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

I also however know that it's not been signed yet
Cocks.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

that's good
yay for interviews and stuff.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:08, Reply)

Yaywoo indeed
Plus, free holiday for a few days to the south of Wales.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

WALES?
That's not a holiday, that's a sentence.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

I've had a free holiday for three weeks
but it's not been all that enjoyable. WOE IS ME
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Taking notes?

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:55, Reply)

Cranking one out?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:03, Reply)

Totally uncomfortable?
Working for the NPS as a temp.

Letting people in for courses as part of their probation, knowing full well who they are and what they've done. Hello Mr. "Raped your niece but got a suspended sentence and are on probabtion." Take a seat Mr. "Hit his wife so hard her eyeball burst".

I hate Coventry.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:58, Reply)

that's horrendous!
*makes mental note not to go to coventry.*
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:00, Reply)

I didn't get any formal training for this either
Was just thrown in, reading these peoples full case files about their crimes and stuff.

Particular standouts include the 12 year old girl recounting to the police what it sounded like when her mum was being beaten up downstairs and the best friend finding her sexually assaulted friend in a layby.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

you get desensitised to it pretty quickly

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:09, Reply)

Yuh huh

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

Yup!
Took me about two weeks to get desensitized to my current job, only reallllly extreme things shock me now.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)

I find the prisoner's reactions to the crime to be the most shocking
like how they justify it to themselves and their rehab workers.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:15, Reply)

Yeah, had one guy claim he turned to Internet noncery
Because his wife's terminally ill and he's her primary carer...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:18, Reply)

Sorry, what?
How it is that you don't crack and go flamethrowering these cunts is beyond me sometimes...
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:20, Reply)

they're in prison
so technically they're already being punished
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Nope, not this guy
See below.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

That guy I was tempted to maim in a style akin to Vinnie Jones in Lock Stock
Second time he'd done it too, still got off with a suspended sentence (aforementioned primary carer plea).
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:24, Reply)

I remember a guy from years and years ago
arguing that he had screwed the kid he was babysitting because his girlfriend was a virgin and he didn't want to rush her.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

Utterly hatstand

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Makes your current job seem like a wank in the park, eh?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

My keyboard is sticky :(

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:14, Reply)

I never have: it's a fucking hole.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:07, Reply)

you can't say that if you haven't been there
I bet you judge books by their covers as well you bastard.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

He is right though, it is a fucking hole
I only venture there for the Ikea nowadays.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)

Yes I can.
One of my best friends is from there, he's a right-on lefty vegetarian (how we are friends I do not know) - he want back there for a wedding, and was greeted by:

'Olroight Mat? Want to hear soom jowks about peck-eyes?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:12, Reply)

what's a peck eye?
oh no wait I geddit.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:16, Reply)

He doesn't need to go there
to know that Coventry is a shitefest of the highest, grottiest, neck deep and gloopy faeces to exist on the face of this earth.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:13, Reply)

I lived there for 6 years : /

( girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I'm sorry
It really is a hole. Only had bad experiences there.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

we also lived in Blackburn though, we know suffering.

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:28, Reply)

that's good enough for me.
*avoids like plague*
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:11, Reply)

my first thought was "wonder what kind of noise that makes"

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

you sick fuck

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

Splikk!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

mine was "I know exactly what kind of noise that makes"

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:10, Reply)

I could probably recreate it by slamming a shoe down on a cherry tomato

( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:31, Reply)

EEEEEEEK!
owowowowowow! Eyeball burst??!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:05, Reply)

I fell asleep in my chair
proving caffeine doesn't work
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)

In other news, it is currently very cold
proving that "scientists" claims that 2010 is one of the warmest years on record is complete bollocks.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

finally they realise!
Well given that black coffee has always helped put me to sleep, I should have anticipated it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:26, Reply)

Maybe you have some sort of inverse brain
Have you tried taking massive doses of sleeping pills?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Sometimes you just have to laugh
Been grading horrific movies, when the next one that comes on starts immediately with a 20-something naked woman having two engorged cocks bounced off the top of her head while she's answering some questions. After the truly nasty stuff I just graded, this movie with it's odd start made me officelol.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:21, Reply)

Hahaha!
What?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:23, Reply)

Are these films that have been seized and you're deciding if they're illegal or not?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:24, Reply)

Nah, its his coffee break

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Kinda, yeah
Cops seized suspect's computers, I'm looking through the movies on them (images I'll do later) and grading the illegal ones on a 1-5 scale for severity.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:27, Reply)

Hmmmm, stars Jennifer Lopez - 5!
Kiddie porn, well, she's a bit of a looker so i'd be tempted too - 3
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:30, Reply)

Hahaha!
I love you al.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:31, Reply)

you receiving an
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

D-
must try harder?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:25, Reply)

Someone thought the Mastermind format needed spicing up.

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:29, Reply)

I've started so I'll finish (all over your face)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

Bernard Matthews is dead!
cue a thousand bootiful jokes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:22, Reply)

I thought he was already dead
But I googled and realised I was thinking of Bernie Winters.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

You are mixing up turkey with ostrich

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:32, Reply)

That was Bernie Clifton!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:34, Reply)

and so it would seem am I
EDIT:

Shnorbitz!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 11:36, Reply)