Pet PeevesWhat makes you angry? Get it off your chest so we can laugh at your impotent rage.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 1 May 2008, 23:12)
This question is now closed.
Tube driversWe once had Bob Crow (head of the RMT union) make a speech at our school.
Having been exposed to left-wing radiation for a half-hour or so, it was question time.
Most of the lads at my school (including me) had to take the Tube for journeys of about an hour each way. The strikes got right on our tits.
I asked him why, when the drivers' unions strike, why don't they let passengers on for free, instead of taking the day off?
He gave me some wanky answer about "Ooh, too risky, we may get in trouble".
"TROUBLE? YOU FAT LAZY OLD BASTARD! THEY SHOULD BE IN TROUBLE FOR NOT COMING TO WORK, THE IDLE SODS!"
Is what I had intended to say, rather than my actual witty riposte of "Oh".
Bastards, can't be arsed to work *mumble mumble*
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:42, Reply)
And another thing......that really gets on my nerves: people physically saying LOL, ROFL or any other things like that.
It isn't big or clever.
It just proves to the world that they are a massive spazzbrain who has no intelligence whatsoever.
Complete and total spazzbrains.
The lot of them.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:37, 10 replies)
AmericansThey just really fuck me off. Not just some of them, all of them. They re-elected george bush and made the terminator a fuckin governor! like i mean what the fucking fuck? I agree with Billie Joe Armstrong. Idiots
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:36, 9 replies)
Pet peeves'Can I get' instead of 'Can I have'
People who spell lose as loose - This really winds me up, because so many people get it wrong.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:32, 10 replies)
Supermarkets... and the idiot publicLong time lurker, first time poster... anyway, I'm unfortunate enough to earn my food and beer tokens in a large supermarket. Checkouts to be precise, and I have to put up with being spoken down to, insulted and otherwise pissed off by complete idiots perhaps 50 times a day if not more.
However stupid the majority of service monkeys might appear, that's nothing to how stupid the public appear to us! ;-)
It's becoming increasingly apparent that while we are given extensive customer service training, NOBODY in this country is given any training whatsoever on how to behave in a retail environment, or how to go shopping without FAILING miserably and making a hash of it. My "pet peeves", in no particular order, are as follows:
1) Know your consumer rights. They DO NOT extend as far as telling me how to do my job, dictating to me, or allowing your kids to interfere. And yes I bastarding well WILL tell them off because I'm a grown up and well within my rights to do so. We are there to assist you with your purchases - we are not your servants and under no obligation to give in to your every demand.
2) Stay on YOUR side of the fucking counter. Don't lean over, hand me things, or put your hand anywhere near my precious buttons. Every part of the checkout is as dirty as every other. Put your items on the BELT where they can be dealt with properly.
3) Don't state "it's real" when handing me a fifty. I'll fucking decide. And also, NEVER question me when I check your twenties for authenticity. I'll do it at my discretion and make no apologies.
4) I NEVER want the "odd x-amount of pence". We've got perhaps eleventy-billion quid's worth of change in the cash office if I run out. It doesn't help, or make any difference to the smooth running of the store. If you don't want the change, then by all means give it to me. Don't give me the choice because I will politely tell you to stuff it down your urethra and stop holding the queue up by faffing with your fucking pennies.
5) Learn how to use your payment card. It is NOT our responsibility. Your name's on the card, you deal with it. Don't wave it in my face when the terminal is 4 inches from you. It even tells you which way around it goes, and yes, it's the same way every time. Don't rotate it around each of it's axes like a retard trying to work out how the square peg goes in the round hole, you just look dumb and hold everyone up. If you can't manage, carry cash (if you can work out how the ATM works). The technology's hardly new.
6) Checkout humour. Oh boy... No matter how clever the little one-liner you've just thought up may seem, rest assured I've heard it hundreds of times before. It's not funny, it just makes you look like a cunt. Which you probably are.
7) If you decide you don't want an item, don't just fuck it off onto the nearest shelf or hidey-hole you find. PUT IT BACK you lazy cunts. Or ask one of us to do it for you. Showing complete contempt for our working environment is one of the worst things you can do.
8) Plastic bags. Get over it. The only reason they present a problem to the environment is because you stupid consumers fling them all over the countryside. Don't get all self-righteous and say you're doing your bit. You're not. Because half your shopping is shipped in from other countries, and when it gets here, dirty great fuck-off hairy-arsed diesel trucks haul it around the UK. Just by shopping at supermarkets your actions contribute more harm to the environment than you can ever repair with your bastarding "bags for life". Blackberries from Mexico? Fucking pick them from the hedgerows like a proper Englishman!
I think that'll do for now.
While I consider myself rather good at my job (hard not to be, really. It's a piece of piss) I truly cannot wait to find something more attractive. Even going back to pharmacy seems appealing after 6 months of this bollocks. Oh, that reminds me, I could easily do a sequel based on the amount of stupidity witnessed from behind the medicine counter...
I apologise for the lack of humour, but not for length as I declare my posts a no-bandwagon zone.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:29, 13 replies)
Slightly Off Topic...But get this:
43% of Zimbabweans thinks that Robert Mugabe is doing a good job
24% of Britons think Gordon Brown is doing a good job.
*rolls on floor, laughing out loud*
Surely I can expect the UN helicopters to turn up any minute and depose the useless bastard?
/gloat mode
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:28, 2 replies)
I HATE HATE HATEHATE IT when people who drink try to keep it a secret and hide it!!! ADMIT to being fucking drunk you stupid cunts nobody cares!!!
My ex's NUTTER of a mother had a wine rack proudly sparse on display with one bottle, I got lost trying to find the bin in their million-and-one pull out draw system and found literally about 15 bottles of wine hidden behind their kids cereal boxes and other breakfasty stuff...
The woman used to insist she didn't drink. She would whisper to the waiter to "actually put a triple rum in my coke" *wink*fucking*wink* thinking none of us could hear her then assume we wouldn't noticed the toxic wafting coming from her as her special cokes kept piling up!
She probably expected us to think she had a fever when everytime we went out she would stagger back to the car, spitting everywhere.
The fact that she had a problem came out when she threw me out of her house in a drunken rage screaming about the fact that she is adopted, yelling at me for "corrupting" her first born child she still has no idea spends his "respectable wages" on drugs.
I spit out the window everytime I drive by there and have affectionately nicknamed her "Bastard Belinda"
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:28, Reply)
That Cunt off the Bathroom Cleaning Advert....The one where every time his missus goes out he has to clean the bathroom.
Stop being a pure cunt.
And tell her to fuck right off.
You spineless fucker.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:24, Reply)
Bike related.16-year-olds on scooters (or, worse still, sometimes adults on 150mph+ sportsbikes - I've seen a few today what with the warm weather) riding around with no bloody gloves on.
WHY? Don't they know what's going to happen when they invariably chuck it down the road? Road rash takes a f*cking long time to heal.
Grr. Bloody idiots.
(I found out the hard way myself, the skin on my hands looks weird. Now I have a very good pair of carbon fibre gloves. I'd rather ride without a helmet than gloves.)
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:24, 1 reply)
Hollyoaks.It's just the worst thing in the universe.
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baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:23,
6 replies)
Chewing gumI can't stand it when people chew gum with their mouth open. It makes them look like an utter twat.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:21, 1 reply)
One thingthat really gets right on my humungous wobbling man breasts is when people look at you with an all-knowing smug grin on their face and say "Ahhhh, everyone says Jordan/Kerry Katona/Jodie Marsh is stupid, but they can't be THAT stupid if they've made all that money, can they?"
Yes they fucking can.
If I had a penchant for saying really stupid things, a massive pair of tits that I wasn't shy about showing and a huge team of people who know how to sell these "talents" to the moronic culture of today who are already baying for some half dressed, half witted mouth on legs, I'm sure I'd have a few spare sheckels floating around in the bank too, but I'd still be Jordan and I'd still be thicker than cows shit.
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baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:20,
1 reply)
And another fucking thing....That cunt on the Army advert that whispers.
For one why the fuck whisper you fucking slag. Your in a studio, not on the fucking Hellmand Province Front Line.
Come join the Army, and further your career, log on to www.armymod.com
RIGHT
What it should say
Come join the army for fucking wank money, no equipment, belittled by toffee nosed cunts, get shot at by Rag Heads, Gooks, Sambos and any other fucking religion, get a free SA60 machine gun that sticks now and again, and be in with a chance of the fucking Yanks carpet bombing your platoon
Click on www.imafuckinggrade1mug.tit
RAM IT UP YOUR FLEA HOLE YOU STINKING RICE WHORE
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:17, 2 replies)
Rockstars best friendJack Thompson.
I think its time that someone dug up the copies of ET that Atari buried in the desert and use them to stone him to death.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:16, Reply)
Can i go to the toilet?How the fuck am I supposed to know but if you're asking whether or not you may go to the toilet, then by all means be my guest.
It's not fucking hard it is simply substituting one three letter word for another.
Fuck it BANK HOLIDAY TIME NOW!!!!
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:14,
3 replies)
My lack of of......wealth and a decadent lifestyle.
Seriously, I want to be so rich that Kylie Minogue gets employed to wipe my bottom and shake the piss drops from my willy. I work hard and really don't think this is too much to ask.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:13, 1 reply)
Too Many to Mention.After a weekend or a Bank Holiday come over to you and say
"Good Morning! - Did you have a good weekend?, What did you get up to?"
Why?
Why are you asking me, I don't like you, you don't like me so why are you asking me.
Its Monday morning, my head hurts, Im only here for the money and my mouth tastes like the back of Ghandi's Flip Flops.
Please do Fuck Off.
Also FAO People who Eat Crisps in the Office
PLEASE KEEP YOUR FUCKING BAGS QUIET OR GET THE FUCK TO FUCK YOU NOISY CRUNCHING WANK 2.99 SUIT WEARING MATALAN AT PAYDAY FOR A 'NEW WARDROBE' SPASTIC CORNISH PASTY SHOE WEARING HAI KARATE SMELLING 'OOO LOOK WHAT OUR DEMI MADE AT THE WEEKEND' GREEN TEETH YELLOW FINGERED WRONG SIZE FITTING SHIRT DANDRUFF SHOULDERED EBAY SPENDING FUCKING CUNTHOLES TO FUCK
YOU CUNTS
And breathe...
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:12, Reply)
'Like'People who say 'like' in an inproper context really get on my tits.
For example, one pupil at my school recently asked a teacher a question. I know this girl to be a 'like' offender, as she says it at least once every sentence. Her question ran as follows:
"Is it alright, like, if you, like, put a set of, like, brackets in to this sentence, like?"
And i'm not joking
Like
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:12, 4 replies)
What gets my back up?Being on top (you know what I mean, and so does your sister).
Go on, click 'I Like This', you know it makes sense.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:12, 1 reply)
When making a phone callThat goes:
"Hi it's Michael here calling from "
reply:
"Hi Michael here "
Very original.
P.s. I don't work in a call centre or make sales calls but I do on occaision have to phone other businesses.
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whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:12,
1 reply)
Rant. Part one."Skedule"
It's pronounced shed-ule, numbnuts.
"Oh.Is it raining out?"
When I trudge in soaked to the skin you really think you're being witty, don't you? What you don't know is that every time I hear this - which is neither original nor funny btw - a little counter in my head ticks down another notch. When it reaches zero I will kill you all.
Cyclists.
If I'm on the road in a car you give me evils for being a capitalist polluting pig. If I'm on the pavement you give me evils for daring to be in your way. That's assuming you don't just try and run me over. You are the most arrogant people on the road. And you are also stupid enough to think that disputing right of way with a Volvo is going to end well.
Adverts.
If you really want me to buy your product then a good place to start is not irritating the hell out of me. Shouting at me is one way to do this. (I'm looking at you, Barry Scott.)
The other one I detest is adverts along the lines of "Men, aren't they stoopid, hur hur."
(Way too many to mention.) Seriously? Do you not actually want my money then? Because expecting me to identify with that halfwit onscreen has not endeared you to me.
To be continued.
If anybody wants me, I'll be over here glowering.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 17:09, 4 replies)
Peoplewho talk to you in question, like
"I go to university?" etc
or "i got a new hat?"
Edit: Apparently its called Rising inflection: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rising_inflection
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:58, 4 replies)
How did I forget?Mobile phones. Now, don't get me wrong, back in the day they were awesome, now however they insist on trying to be everything but a fucking phone. Mobile phone companies seem to be trying their damned hardest to give their new phones all the best extras, cameras, video recorders, mp3 players etc etc, but honestly, actually making a phone call on the things are impossible due to the fact that signal is so utterly wank. The best phone I've had for phone quality was my 3310, I would go back to it but I dropped it in a bucket of sick after drinking a bottle and 3 quarters of wine.
SORT IT OUT!
Don't even get me started on the iphone.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:57, 6 replies)
GiletteThierry Henry, apparently, never thinks about yesterday. And Pierce Brosnan, when he's not making films, is saving the rainforests or hand-rearing orphaned orangutans.
Great.
But what the fuck has that got to do with your stupid overpriced razors, you spackers?
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:57, 3 replies)
I have a feelingI'm going to post a lot this week.
First up would be idiotisms. The indicators of a moron.
Simple spelling mistakes or grammatical errors are something we can all be guilty of, but I'm not talking about them, oh no. I mean these beauties.
People saying pacific instead of specific. The pacific is a vast ocean. Pacifically is even worse.
"Could of" When I see this, I want to tear my own eyes out.
People who are unable to grasp the difference between to and too, of and off, etc.
Nucular. Anybody who can't pronounce it shouldn't have access to it.
I know it sounds pedantic, but it's just so bloody annoying.
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baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:47,
4 replies)
Bad ScienceIn the media:
-E. coli virus? What's that then, a bacteriophage? No, you're just wrong. 'Prion', 'virus', 'bacteria', and 'parasite' are NOT interchangeable terms. Just try to get it right for a change.
-as seen on BBC, Sky news and the Glasgow Herald websites, plus no doubt many more.
-What, exactly, is E.Coli? The latin names for all organisms should be italicised, and written in the form Homo sapiens. This includes (but is not limited to) E. coli, S. aureus, and C. difficle. E.Coli is not a correct name, NOR is it a virus.
-as seen on BBC, Sky news and the Glasgow Herald websites, plus no doubt many more.
In films:
- mutations following exposure to radiation/posion which have a wholly beneficial effect on a person -possible, maybe; likely, no - why don't they all get cancer? And if they are all exposed to the same compound, why are the effects so laughably different from each other?
see Fantastic Four
Spiderman
Heroes
- DNA sequencing results appearing in seconds rather than, say, 4 hours. And when they do appear, the 'scientist'/cop/doc looks at them on screen and sees a picture of the double helix. WTF? that tells you NOTHING you tards.
many cop shows/films
- Quantum physicist who wants to study human DNA by going into space -why not go into a fucking HUMAN you eejit? and why not a molecular biologist or geneticist?
-Fantastic four again.
In general:
- Homeopathy. This article says it all better than I can, but basically – water has a memory, so if you dilute it 1 in 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times it will retain the memory of the chemical substance, which will somehow cure you. um, yeah.
www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/nov/16/sciencenews.g2
- Astrology. So, I’m a capricorn. thus I should have goat like tendencies.
The Capricorn person is
very wise – as we all know, goats are not academic creatures, preferring to eat grass and shit all day long, when not bleating or having relations with various b3tans.
formal – when was the last time you saw a goat looking formal? wearing a little goaty tux etc. plus they drink their own piss, which is not very formal in my mind.
disciplined – yup, nowt as disciplined as a goat, is there?
hard-working – i’ve never seen an actual working goat.
apologies for length, the magic shrinking sugar pills don't seem to be working.
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ascorbate, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:47,
6 replies)
Guilty Pleasures AlbumsOld shit music is still fucking shit 30 years later. Hiding behind a 'Guilty Pleasure' title does not exonerate you, and being post modern is nowhere near an excuse - you still have crap taste in music. Full stop.
Twats.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:46, 1 reply)
AdvertsThat bring out the same gimmick a few years later thinking we've all forgotten about it so they can repackage it and sell it for more money. Strong offenders include
Febreeze - originally a product that doesn't cover up odours but neautralizes them
- turned into a range of scented products
- New febreeze, neutralizes odours without covering them up!!!
Orbit/Extra chewing gum - Originally with xylitol, chew after meals instead of brushing. Mint! (remember the ad with people brushing in inappropriate places, like the girl at school)
- Now you can buy, newly packaged with conveniently less gum but costing a lot more, NEW orbit with xylitol to fight plaque!
Aquafresh - The three stripes have always repersented fresh breath, clean teeth, and killing plaque (or something to that effect) now, the new one (in a magical pump) contains these three brand new properties.
Either I notice a lot about advertising (which I do) or the entire British population has the memory of a fish! I find it insulting.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:45, 1 reply)
ShitOr more specifically, people who seem to be totally inept in dealing with it, who then post about it on here.
What is wrong with some of you? So many stories of you soiling yourselves, or coating the inside of the toilet in explosive mess because your diet is shot to hell, or forgetting to check for toilet paper, etc, etc, etc...
Why are you proud of failing to accomplish a fundamental human function that toddlers are able to master? Why?!
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:44, 3 replies)
Where do i start......White van men- Yes i know you have a job to do but plaese for the love of all thats good have some dignity, i use a moped to get about ( a fashionable suzuki one) and sometimes i have to use the a12 to get in and out of work or whatever im doing, please dont use me as an opportunity for target practice! Its down right dangerous to have a mc donalds cup or the contents of your ashtray thrown at you just because your speed is less than 70.
Mobile phones- Im a technoholic and i love mobiles but when there is crappy dance/rap music blaring out of it i get annoyed, use headphones the sound wil be better and more enjoyable to you and the surrounding populace, also topless women as screensavers or wallpapers, its really quite inapropriate and makes you look like a closet homo.
Religion- Go away, there isnt much need for it now in todays society, people are smart enough to make up thier own minds and most of those that do embrace religion do it in the most half arsed way possible (i have a jewish friend who loves bacon) If your going to commit to something daft like religion see it through to the end, dont tell people how great jeesus is and disown it 3 months later out of bordom.
4X4 owners- Unless your a farmer or need to use one like my dad (has a spinal condition, bending over too far causes great pain) thats fine but when you use it to drop your child off at the school next door thats when i get annoyed, most of the people who own them dont realise how big a vehicle it is and end up driving it like a fiesta or a 2cv causing great disruption to everyone because they think they can park it in a space no longer than a smart car.
Spam text messages- I absolutely hate these, why do i get them? I dont want to know about what hot babes are in my area or what the lottery results are, what annoys me more is that IM charged for recieving them, £2 a time for most of them.
Pointless charities- My view is if its helping society improving itself im all for it, but when its for something trivial like donkeys in distress thats where i draw the line.
Dogs- Why oh why do these creatures exist, they are noisy smelly idiotic animals, im all for dogs that have a purpose like guide dogs or the types farmers use but as pets i cant stand them, i dont want to go into someones house to have it reek of dogs, its an unpleasent smell that can ruin a nice place.
Sorry about length most girls prefere it long.
(, Fri 2 May 2008, 16:39, Reply)
This question is now closed.