Property shows
TV programs about people buying/selling/auctioning/renovating properties.
1. The complete hotch-potch of song snippets they use, where some of the lyrics in the chorus is vaguely related to what's on the screen at the time with a new tune for every scene.
2. The propensity of the hosts to overuse estate agent language:
Light and airy, affords excellent views, and the worst offender, fucking characterful!
Plus, when people are looking around the properties, they use similar tems to each other! No one talks like that in real life. You don't say;
"mm, this is characterful", you say;
"that brickwork needs repointing and that wallpaper hurts my eyes. and what have they done to the kitchen?"

Grand designs was on earlier this evening, I lost count of how often the vacuous presenter said "characterful" and "wow factor". And apparently, my interior is 'country chic', I just thought it was cluttered and needed tidying up. Seems country chic is another way of saying "full of tat".
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 23:32, 3 replies)

Americans
It's not fair to group all Americans together as a pariah. There are some nice ones and there are Republicans.
Americans aren't the problem, America is.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 23:21, 3 replies)

Only the three worst things about America
Americans
Everything Amricans say
Everything Americans do

Sorry
(onefishtwofish Redfishbluefish, Wed 7 May 2008, 22:24, 12 replies)

Office politics
Christ - I don't care who's having a tantrum with the boss, who's not pulling their weight or what the latest spat between worker ant A and worker any B is about.

I don't give a toss about who's getting promoted, demoted, singled out for praise without good cause or sleeping with worker ant C from accounts.

I only turn up here each day because they pay me a sum of cash that lets me enjoy and support myself when I'm not here. Ok?
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Wed 7 May 2008, 22:18, 3 replies)

Tay Zonday
Die you ugly, fucking, prick.
Chocolate rain my arse, FUCK OFF!!!

Saw a bloke who looks just like him on the wiki front page today and it reminded me how much I want the fucker dead.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Courtney_walsh.jpg

poor, poor man.
(Mr.Dog was in love again on, Wed 7 May 2008, 22:07, Reply)

Buzzwords!
Thank god I no longer have to deal with them anymore, but one company I worked for had so many engineers with MBAs that I swear the word "robust" was uttered every ten to fifteen seconds in that building, interspersed with "value-added". (What the fuck does that mean, anyway? And is there a "value-depleted" to balance things?)

I swear, if I ever get in charge of a company I'll immediately fire anyone with MBA after their name. (Masters degree in Business Administration, if you didn't know.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 21:56, 2 replies)

Execu-speak
People who use phrases like:
"There's no 'I' in team"
I have found a suitable response to this irritating statement:
"No, but there is a 'U' in CUNT"
(redrewmac *Insert witty comment here*, Wed 7 May 2008, 21:47, 4 replies)

Toilet paper..
When you get a piece that's just not long enough to be folded and too thin to be used. Damnit!
( Axai is in Montréal, Canada O.o, Wed 7 May 2008, 21:27, 1 reply)

People who use "woop woop" either online or in real life.
Unless you are him, shut up and find a proper expression of enjoyment.

/excludes those who parody Zoidberg's exclaimations, as everybody loves a good Futurama reference now and again.
(jamesthegill opens new tabs with his scroll wheel, Wed 7 May 2008, 21:23, 4 replies)

In shops...
When you hand me my change, I want you to hand me my notes first, so I can grab them with finger and thumb, and AFTERWARDS my coins in the palm of my hand. Then I will get away from your till nice and fast.

If you put my notes in the palm of my hand and pile my coins on top I will have to put down my shopping and use my other hand to sort my fistful out. So I will block your till and annoy you.

Please get it right in future.
(hirsute, Wed 7 May 2008, 21:04, 2 replies)

"Team Spirit" seminars
Unfortunately, "Office Space" is more a documentary than a satire.

Looks like I'm not the only one who hates corporate wankage:


( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 7 May 2008, 20:56, 3 replies)

Computer "Advice"
Can you give me some computer help? I need a new laptop it must have vista or all my files won't work.

NO I CAN'T. If you can't tell the difference between an operating system and 'office' software go ask the knuckle dragging mouth breathers at pissy world to take all of your money.
(DryGoldfish, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:54, Reply)

Interpretive Dance
I've been roped in to playing some drum parts in a performance of The Who's Tommy at college. It's a performance by both the drama students and the music students.

Rehearsals had been going really well for the music, and so today we rehearsed with the actors too.

I didn't know they were gonna tell the story by interpretive dance.

Not content with ripping out half the songs, so that the story makes no sense anyway, it's portrayed by a load of puffs and (actually quite fit) girls poncing around on stage as if they're having some sort of fit.

The singers are shit too.
(LukeHarrison says, "Your taste in music is shit!", Wed 7 May 2008, 20:51, Reply)

Starsigns
Does the exact date your parents shagged determine what you're like? "Ooh I'm a perfectionist but then I am a Virgo....no, you're a sad deluded idiot who believes in something that's essentially a fairytale. Get a grip.
( Fathter Puddytat Kill Kill dat widdle boid is mine on, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:38, 8 replies)

The church of satan
Its not cool its just another group of bastards after your money.

*edit* Titles that were rejected from this post included
World of warcraft
The EU
The iron bru fan club
B3ta
and save the whales.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:29, 1 reply)

Where to start..........? Deep breath.........
Men's toilets in pubs - why does some wanker always think it a good idea to kick the lock off the cubicle door/smash the seat off/piss all over the seat? Bastards.

People who drink coffee on the way to work - save money (and your high street) by getting up half an hour earlier and making in the comfort of your own home.

Smug I.T. workers - don't sneer at me if I'm not a computer expert. You must have to rely on someone qualified in a different field to you (Doctor, dentist, etc.)

Those little charmers who insist on entertaining everyone nearby with the music blasting tinnily out of their mobile phones (or as they're known in 'Viz': "Rat Boy Slim")

People who demand the right to take their babies/young children into pubs and then ignore them when they scream the place down. As a childless 40 year old bloke, shouldn't I be allowed a sanctuary from this?

Cyclists - I cycle, but those riding on the footpath piss me off, as do those clumps of cycling club members who, generally on a weekend, refuse to travel in single file, even on twisty country roads.

Must stop - blood pressure rising - vein throbbing in head.......
(wobbegong69 has been soaring................, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:26, 2 replies)

I'll tell you what really takes the biscuit-
A toddler who has just learnt how to open the cupboard.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 7 May 2008, 20:23, 1 reply)

Green Renegade
His mates should have a word. Absolutely gash. He's a terrible DJ and even worse producer.

www.myspace.com/greenrenegade

Not just the terrible music, the 'politics' too. Staunchly 'green', but smokes. Shouldn't that farmland be used for growing food or biofuel crops? Twat. Doesn't read fiction, except for Asterix. Twat. A while back he was selling decks, with a posting on his page along the lines of 'everything you have, you've taken. reject money and consumerism.' And decks for sale. For money. The twat.

Have I mentioned the word twat?

Twat.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:14, 1 reply)

Lib Dems
Hull Lib-Dem leader Carl Minns' fat gurning smug grinning face on Look North
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:09, Reply)

chain of horror
'send this too 10 people or you die' i hate stupid chainmails but find them funny at how imaginative they are XD
(PaulGadd -, Wed 7 May 2008, 20:00, Reply)

You know what makes me angry.
When I come home from a hard day at the office and a one hour slog of exercise and then overcook my omelette and find my bread has gone mouldy.

I want to cry now : (
( girlinthehole, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:46, 47 replies)

totally off topic
I must be tired. A fly just landed on my screen and I tried to get it to move by wiggling the cursor at it.

What a numpty.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:45, 6 replies)

a sense of entitlement
What really makes me angry is the pervasive sense of entitlement. Everyone seems to believe that they have a right to food, shelter, healthcare, television, etc. Almost everything that is defined as a "right" nowadays should really be considered a privilege. I agree that everyone has a right to "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness," (Thomas Jefferson) but that's where it ends - everything else you should have to earn.

That, and fat people on mobility scooters.
( kingoffools, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:42, 2 replies)

Oh, another one of mine.
People who de-generate the argument into either:

Your mum is:

Fat
Stupid
Small
ugly

Or something equally as pointless.
(Looneytwuns, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:42, 1 reply)

H&S
Kaol and his joys of health and safety reminded me of how much I hate it, pointless waste of time that it always seems to prove itself to be.

One of my best recent examples would be while in a workshop in uni gluing to plastic together, using some of that fancy glue that melts the two bits of plastic together so they become one big stuck together piece.

Remember: glue = melted plastic.

So I went into the workshop, and even went over to the sink in case I made a mess, and I started to glue away. I had 6 parts to glue onto a central piece in total, so I started.

Piece 1 done no bother. Piece 2 done no bother. Piece 3 done with bother? No, with no bother.

At this point a lab technician comes over to me.

"Got to wear gloves and goggles to use that stuff. Health and safety, y'see." says he.

"I've got to wear plastic gloves and plastic goggles to use the glue that melts plastic?" replies I.

"Yeah, health and safety."

"You are aware this glue will melt the protective garments you are forcing me to don?"

"I suppose, but health and safety."

So at this point, I waited until he wandered off, continued gluing with no safety precautions, and then glued a glove to some goggles as a form of protest.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:34, 2 replies)

My pet peeve
There are not enough "man with head in hands" graphics about.

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(bacontrout got ska, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:33, Reply)

What grinds my gears...
... is not having enough fluid in the clutch cylinder.

Sorry.
(gordonjcp, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:18, 3 replies)

People that rant and rave about some band or others lyrics like they were the very arse tears of Christ,
most lyrics are utter garbage and are usually penned by some vacant egotistical cunt with about as much charisma as a Coldplay album in a bucket of tepid piss.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:15, 1 reply)

STOP MOANING AND HUG A KITTENS

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 7 May 2008, 19:12, Reply)