How did got create woman?
He started with a man and took away reason and accountability....






Gets anti flame coat out
(penrose your dog's got tits, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 13:24, 9 replies)

to wade into the driving thing
i have always thought that bad drivers can usually be stereotyped according to sex. got a total twat hooning around at 137,000,000 miles an hour, roaring the engine, beeping the horn, music at earbleeding level, swerving all over the place and cutting up all 3 lanes of traffic without indicating? that's inevitably a man.

got a total twat dithering at a junction too wet and scared to turn right or left, driving at 5 miles an hour completely oblivious of the huge Q of traffic that has built up behind, taking 15 hours to reverse into a space on the high street that a double decker bus could have driven straight into and still parking 6 feet away from the kerb... that'll be a woman, then.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:42, 17 replies)

This may be slightly unrelated,,,
but it is a funny "men are confused about women's possessions etc" anecdote.

I stayed with Mr Cakelady's parents over Christmas and one morning I was putting on my (incidentally cake-themed) earrings. Mr CL pointed at the one I hadn't put on and said "I've never seen that before."

"Seen what?"

"The straight bit that goes in your ear."

"You mean the bit that lets me put it on."

He looked confused. "I thought earrings were on little circles, I didn't realise you needed a back to hold them there."

"Then how would you get them on?"

He said he'd get back to me. That was a week ago.

:D
( cakelady, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:12, 2 replies)

Equality my arse..
How many birds work on the bins then?
Firms don't pay women the same wages because they're statistically more likely to have time off "every month" and eventually have kids.
Only women go shopping, aimlessly buying stuff just for the hell of it - blokes buy exactly what they need (very little normally) and go home.
If I was a woman, I'd stay in most nights and play with my tits.
Women don't understand the concept of sheds.
Why do some women dress attractively yet condemn ogling and wolf-whistling as sexist?
How come mums can whoop and holler at boy band concerts, yet the other way round any dad within 10 miles of a Hannah Montanna gig is a paedo?
Why are they so surprised to be told that their shit stinks too?
And they fart.
(minky, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:10, 9 replies)

Sheila's Fucking Wheels
Sexist, is the poxy Sheila's Wheels advert. I don't care that women get cheaper car insurance than men, but please don't go around perpetuating the myth that "Women make the safest drivers".

Women are afforded cheaper car insurance by dint of lower insurance claim values, not fewer accidents, as calling them safer drivers would suggest. Stastitically, when women have collisions, they are at slower speeds than their male counterparts, they therefore are much cheaper to repair and are far less likely to involve personal injury and the enormous costs therein. Mrs Annoyingly Cautious, can have three small accidents and it'll still cost less than Mr. Boy Racer wrapping his car round a tree and seriously injuring his three passengers after an ill judged overtake on Mrs Annoyingly Cautious.

Men and women are all equally capable of being bad drivers. I suppose the advert wouldn't be quite as snappy if they had to say "Women statistically make smaller insurance claimes so are a better risk, So they can save a bunch of fivers"

I complained to the ASA about this, but the bastards merely ignored my email.
(lardyboy Next stop, Fissplap Central, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:46, 12 replies)

Kids
A court will nearly always award custody of children to the mother. Is there a good reason, or is it just the courts having a really antiquated view of morals?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:37, 19 replies)

Certain women should be struck regularly,
like gongs.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Administrator's are girls...
...which sucks.

I am a self proclaimed administrative genius. I took what used to take weeks down to a 3 minute job. I managed to streamline major processes and save hundreds of thousands of bucks.

Yet do you think in South Africa I could get another job as an administrator? Not a fuck. unless I wear a skirt i have zero chance.

Seems like people are more concerned with how an administrator looks than how the job gets done.
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:12, 5 replies)

I do not like women comedians...
...but I find nothing more enjoyable than a female vocalist.
(almightyjoey is most likely listening to Electric Wizard on, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 11:06, Reply)

Women
If they didn't have boobs you'd chuck rocks at them
(David CopAFeel Used to be The_Elcat - Spouting crap since 1970., Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:48, 1 reply)

i don't understand
Why some of the men answering this question (and of course, some, but not many men in general) have this massive bugbear about not being allowed to punch a woman, in spite of them "demanding equality". Seems a little unreasonable, don't you think?

Surely someone's right to equal treatment is a little more important than someone else's right to punch them in the face. Violence and equal rights seem to me two different issues entirely, and you can't really compare the two in terms of sexual equality.

Can't we all just stop punching each other!?!
(schnuff, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:05, 11 replies)

OK, so let the flaming begin - I don't think women should work.
Let me justify that statement.
First of all I am a woman and I do work, but I still don't think it's right, and here's why:

Think back to when my folks first got married in the 70s. In those days it was not so common for a woman, especially a married woman to work. Many women did work - and I'm sure I'll get people telling me they did but I'm just speaking about what I know.
When they bought their house it cost £13,000 - today it is worth £350,000.
As it was uncommon for women to work a woman wage was not counted in the mortgage. Therefore the cost of houses were low as they had to be bought with just one wage.

As the years went by more and more labour saving devices came into the home. The introduction of the automatic washing machine meant that washing didn't take all day like it did with a twin tub (I used to have one, it really did take all day). Fridges and freezers meant that food could be bought ready made days in advance so removed need for a daily shop. Dishwashers and microwaves also cut down on kitchen tasks.

Then women decided that they should work. This meant that more children were becoming what a generation earlier had been looked down on as latch key children, coming home to an empty house.
Dinners were ready meals rather than home cooked, mums were not there during the day if a child needed to come home from school.
But the most important change was that the price of houses went up. In the late 80s it was decided to take account of the womans wage when lending money for a mortgage. As couples could now afford bigger houses the cost of them went up accordingly. Take my folks house for example.

The up shot of all this is that for most families to live in a decent house both partners have to work. They have no choice. I work, I'd like to have children, but I just don't see a way we could afford for me to take time off work.

This means that now most women work just to make ends meet. This means that many children spend more time with child minders than their family. when children come home from work mothers are to stressed from work to spend 'quality time' with their children.


*sits back and awaits flaming*
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:02, 25 replies)

What winds me up...
...is when men sleep around they are respected and called studs and the like, but when women sleep around they are sluts. And yet they still don't fuck me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 8:59, 7 replies)

Stereotypical nonsense
Being of the 'fairer' sex there are some things that are somewhat expected of me.

To be obsessed with utter shite such as xfactor, I'm a z list desperate sleb, and Eastenders. I am proud to say I've never watched any of the above. I don't intend to either.

To want to get married and have babies. £10k on one day? and for what? So great aunt Mildred can have a coronary and Uncle Derek can start a fight? Don't even get me started on babies. I love my nieces and nephews but I'm happy to give them back if crying or pooping occurs!

Sales shopping. ARGH! Enough said

I don't however get angry if a guy holds a door open for me. It's polite and makes me feel happy. It's nice if a guy offers to pay but I don't expect it, I earn my own money and I don't believe I should be paid for at every turn. Women and men are programmed differently and yea you're gonna get a bunch of cocks who think they're gods gift. But also you get a bunch of back stabbing two faced bitches who spead malicious rumours about you behind your back.

*insert length reference*
(vampyre_gem has been dead since, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 7:34, 2 replies)

From personal experience.
On Dec 2, my dad had a stroke, mini as they are calling. EMTs were called and they arrived within 10 minutes. Two women. Now this occurred in my parents bedroom, on the second floor of their house. They had to take him downstairs in this portable chair.
Dad is a retied civil servant (Dept. of Sanitation, City of New York), and weighs about 275 pounds on a 5'-5" frame. These two women had difficulty taking dad down the stairs, in this chair, the two of them had the front, and I had the back. They had to rest the chair every second step, I wanted to go further, they were straining with the lifting. two steps from the bottom, i loose my footing, and fall foward and esentially "tea-bag" dad who is in this chair contraption. I weigh 260 pounds myself, I thought I almost killed him (hes home mostly recovered), but had there been two men instead, i believe that the whole ordeal of getting him down stairs would have been smoother, and i wouldnt have had that incident happen.

I think women should be paid equally for any job that a man does. However, if this house was on fire, and my dad had a broken leg, and a women firefighter came to his rescue, and was about 5'-2", 120 pounds, my dad would be roasted, and the bedroom lamps would be saved.

Sometimes being equal comes with a price.
(Subway Riding the rails underground, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 2:48, 10 replies)

I work in retail
So why the fuck do I think only women should be running cash registers? And oddly enough, women shouldn't cook, but should do the washing up. And female bodybuilders are right out. This is becoming a rant so: women should get punched back if they hit first, guys aren't allowed to ask directions, chopping wood is for men, cleaning the pool is a man's job (women don't understand the chemicals), shopping is for women, buying what you need is for men (see the difference?). Guys should have chest hair, punctuation is for girls, real men know what's being said without a sentence break or a transitional verb or whatever the fuck it is. Women shouldn't wear watches, men don't carry purses or shoulders bags or wear fanny-packs. If a guy has long hair, he should be able and willing to headbang or he might be gay(he is). Men eat all their vegetables, even if they dont like them.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 2:21, 1 reply)

Cheryl Crow invents "Diner's Sleeve"


Great inventor, or greatest inventor?

.
(British Steel was participating in awesomeness on, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 1:05, 5 replies)

Woman: A Chemical Analysis
This is, of course, not mine- it's been doing the rounds on the Internet for donkey's years in one form or another. Male version in reply.

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam

Quantitative Analysis:
Accepted at 36-24-36, though isotopes ranging from 25-10-25 to 60-55-60 have been identified.

Occurrence:
Found wherever Man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic singlet state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:
Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes at a moment's notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted to money and sports cars. In its natural shape, the specimen varies considerably, but it is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical Properties:
Has great affinity for Au, Ag and Cu, especially in the crystalline form. May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH,(alcohol) and sexy aftershave lotions. An essential catalyst is often required (you must say you love her at least five times daily). Reaction accelerates when in the dark and all reaction conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied at the correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.

Storage:
Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

Uses:
Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely nights as a heating agent - if properly prepared.

Tests:
Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

Caution:
Most powerful reducing agent known to Man (income and ego). Highly explosive in experienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed.

NOTE:
It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 30 Dec 2009, 0:37, 4 replies)

Genitalia
Apparently, women are freely allowed to comment with impunity on the appearance of a man's genitals, say that foreskins look disgusting, or weird, or gross, and make rather ignorant comments about nob cheese.

Yet, if I were to comment on a woman's labia, the technically inessential but sensitive and natural skin that varies greatly in size an appearance on a woman, I'd be strung up from the nearest tree. To remove the labia would be painful and unnecessary, and, quite rightly, I can't insist upon it. Yet, it seems that it's perfectly fine for there to be some sort of pressure on men to have their foreskins amputated.
(LickOutTheJamsMotherfuckers!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 0:35, 4 replies)

Woman's Officer
During my time at Uni, I was quite involved in the Student Union. As such I was the Special Needs Officer, and thus sat on the Student Council. One of the positions we had, then got rid of and then restored, was Woman’s Officer (WO). I knew the person who filled the post. She left Uni half way thru her second year, and from there the post went from vacant to abolished. Her absences, as WO went unnoticed, her absence as a friend was very much noticed. On the whole every single facet of the WO position was well cover by the Union and the Uni itself.
All was well, until Halla (as that is her name) came on to the scene and won the election, to become President of the Student Union. She started to moan that all the mail that was being address to the WO was being dumped on her, although she did reveal that she had stumbled across it and thought it needed someone’s attention etc etc. Thus her campaign started. I would like to add at this point a couple of factoids. First the male to female ration on the student body was something like 7:1 (and from what my female friends said the pickings were still slim), the Union Had a ratio of about 1:1 within officers, volunteers and the executive (of 4 possible execs positions, during my time there, 2 were always female) , the staff were predominately females. I would like to add that the Advice & Support Centre was run by an all-woman staff and ranked one of the best in the country. They did an amazing job. So as you can see within the Student Union, women were very well represented, disproportional to the actual ratios of the student body.
This was not enough for Halla. She kicked up a fuss and put forward a motion for the following. The WO position to be reinstated, that only woman would be allowed to vote for this position (no other post had this honour i.e. all other post were open to the whole student body to vote for), that a Women’s Advisory Group be created, which had it’s own extended budget, only women could join, only women could vote in and was autonomous (again no other position or group had this).
During this time I polled my female friends, most of whom asked two things, “Is there a Men’s Officer?” and “Why do we need a Women’s Officer?”
When it was put to the vote only 2 people (me and someone else) voted against it, however as it needed to be ratified over the summer before it came into effect, the incoming exec stripped it out as most it, as it contravened our bye-laws. So basically we got our old WO position back….
Where is the sexism in all this, Halla, was not adverse to wearing low cut down, leaving forward, batting her eyes and asked for something, all the while complaining that women were not treated fairly blah blah.
Oh and during this, she got two female students to voice their need for a WO. Both worked at the Union. One complained that something or other wasn’t available, when I pointed out all she needed to do was go to the Advice & Support Centre and they could help her. Her response was “Oh I went there they weren’t very good” (which I believe to be bull shit) so I pointed out that she could have used the Uni’s Student Advice Centre (also mainly women and from my personal experiences wonderful and helpful) her response was “Oh I didn’t know it was there till last week”. So what she needed must have been a very pressing matter…. The other one found out she could claim for a taxi home from work (she lived on campus a whole 7 minute walk home), what annoyed people was the fact she tried to claim one then the next night she was in as punter got drunk and walked home alone.

So Yeah. Who needs a WO. We didn’t.


StyX
(StyX is staring at you, yes YOU!!!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 0:34, Reply)

Casual Sex
I was up in Montrose visiting some family for Christmas this weekend. I'm really not into the whole family get-together thing but since it was Christmas I thought I would make the effort just this once. My decision was made easier though since I also have a lady friend up there who I could visit for extra-special bonus presents.

She was out on Sunday night with a few of her friends and phoned me around 10pm to see if I was free. Quite early to be phoning but not to worry. Between watching utterly horrendous shows on TV and stuffing my face with pork pies I decided that I was free.

I arrived at the pub a while later, bought myself a couple of beers and sat down at her table. She hugged me and introduced me to her friends: "This is Fred. He's my casual sex for tonight".

I nearly spat beer everywhere. Did she just call me her 'casual sex'? To her friends? In public? She did, she actually did. That is awesome. I didn't even know what to say in response. Granted, that was the only reason I was there, but for her to not only be aware of that, but to readily boast about it to her friends completely stunned me. Fair enough if she was having private girly time and bragging about me then. That I would understand.

Is this normal woman chat? I only ask because if I was out with my mates and invited some woman I was seeing and said "she's my casual sex for tonight", I would expect a firm slap to the face and a kick in the gonads.
( Fat Fred too weird to live, too rare to die, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 22:31, 2 replies)

The hand that mends the stuff...
When I was a child, my Mum was immensely practical, organised and efficient, if you wanted anything mending, or decorating done, she was the one you asked. My Dad was great at cuddles, telling stories, getting along with anyone, that kind of social stuff..So it came as a suprise to me to see how staff in car spares shops (for example) insisted on treating Mum as if she were brain injured, albeit only the first time she visited, because I thought that all women did mending and mackling of "stuff"..
As I've wandered haplessly through life I've come up against this a bit myself. After a happy afternoon landscaping my yard with my Mum, I went to the local builder's merchant for a few bits. Standing in the queue, a manky little man nudged me hard in the back "The Hairdresser's is next door, love!" he chuckled. "Do they sell gravel as well?" I replied smartly..
Exit Mankyman to gales of laughter. Apparently never to return to the builder's yard..
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 21:59, 1 reply)

"I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful"
"Damn, that's a sexy bitch".

Eh?
(Generator cannot be named for legal reasons, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 21:50, 1 reply)

Muscle Bound
Some years ago, my nephew, who I shall call Josh (because that's yadayada..) was at five years old exploring, as Townsend posits, "what makes a man a man". This mainly involved his male role models pulling up our shirtsleeves and displaying our massive biceps, or doing the bouncing pec move to show our general manliness. I note that this doesn't impress women, but is bread and butter to a five year old.

The kicker was when he was sitting on grannies lap and stated out of the blue, "You have big muscles!" She, not familiar with the earlier manly indoctrination, asked, "what do you mean?" at which point he did a two fisted grasp on both boobs and said, "these muscles here."

The kicker? He finished by exclaiming loudly for all to hear, "don't worry, you and I can make our muscles bigger like daddy's!" I can still picture the deep color of purple her face turned. She had to go clean something quickly thereafter.
( BrokenCoccyx doesn't mind if you grope on, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 21:18, 2 replies)

I love my job
There's nothing more amusing than the sight of a 20year old man trying to look over my shoulder in the hope the doctor is somewhere behind me in the clinic room. And not me. I think they think I'm some sort of cinema style-y usher.
However after the irate phone call to one of our secretaries asking "are you the secretary who put her finger up my bottom yesterday?" I have now realised it is very important to spell out to men and women that yes, shock horror, women can be doctors. Even willy doctors.

Length? About 5mm but hey, that's clits for you
(willydoc, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 20:56, 3 replies)

How to tell the difference between the sexes
Go onto youtube, pull up the Johnny Cash cover of Hurt.

A bloke will watch that and get the pathos of it. A man who has lived a difficult life, and has seen that the end is coming soon.
A hard track to listen to, especially if you are feeling a bit maudlin.

I've yet to meet a woman who quite understands it
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 20:52, 7 replies)

How many of you 71% of b3tans
can relate to this?

www.mil-millington.com/
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 20:19, 5 replies)

Women and SUVs.
Okay, dear, I understand that you bought your urban assault vehicle so that Taylor and Tyler can be safe as you drive them to ballet and lacrosse. I see the various private school stickers plastered on your rear window. And I know that your phone conversation just HAS to be the most important thing EVAR.

But getting behind the wheel of your tank does NOT give you the right to run me off the road or get pissed off when I blow the horn at you to wake you up.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 29 Dec 2009, 19:42, 2 replies)

Women and all things mechanical.
Would someone please enlighten me as to why every woman I've been involved with has been so useless at mechanical things and treats them roughly? If you grab an electrical cord and yank on it to unplug whatever it's attached to rather than pulling on the plug itself, of course it's going to rip loose and stop working. If you insist on stepping on the switch for your computer's power strip rather than bending down to flip it (or at least gently doing it with your toe), of course it's going to crack and stop working. If you jam every pot, pan and dish into the dishwasher without regard to how the water is going to flow to get them clean, you're just going to have to run most of them a second time. Is that difficult to comprehend? Any of it?

According to my ex wife, all of the above was MY FAULT.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 29 Dec 2009, 19:39, Reply)

Menses and the female mood
As a child I could never understand why there was one week a month that it was best to be as far from home as possible- Mom and all three of my sisters turned into irrational Rage Machines, and as I was the youngest they all descended upon me. (Hence me referring to the sisters as the Three Furies.) I was in college before I worked out that women get synchronized while living together.

But of course it's strictly verboten to make any observations about this- even acknowledging that women get cranky during their period is enough to get legions of women descending upon you with bloody claws and harpy screeches.

Therefore when the women in my life (such as my daughter) start exhibiting the signs and reaching for the Midol, I buy a load of chocolate and throw it in the door just before I leave for the day.

This is why I'm still alive.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 29 Dec 2009, 19:32, Reply)