1st Unsupervised
I was 14, my parents were going away for the weekend and leaving me for the first time by myself..... this fact unbeknowst to me, became common knowledge at school through one of my mates.

Cut to Saturday evening - Friday had come and gone without incident, it was 7pm and I heard the gravel path crunching with car tyres, then another, then another, then another - I looked out and there was a procession of cars dropping people and driving off. OH FUCK!

The doorbell rang - I walked up the hallway to see a group of blurred faces through the glass - I opened the door and was greeted by the scream of "VODKA FRENZY!" by the crowd of heads from the 4th and 5th years at my school. I had a carrier bag of booze thrust at me, pushing me out of the way and the throng ran with the sound of clinking glass and cans into my parents house leaving me running around after them all night trying to limit the damage.

The first hour saw the worst of it:

Nearly all of the living room furniture had been carried out of the patio doors and arranged on the patio, apart from the tv which was playing hardcore porn to the repeated chorus of "that's not real!" from the young viewers. The fish tank had an emptied 2L bottle of lemonade floating in it and the fish were swimming wierdly.

Beer was dripping off the living room ceiling and down the newly decorated walls of the dining room - my stereo suddenly made a clattering appearance into the lounge with a trail of wires and cds behind it, the microwave was humming, accompanied by the drunken howls of teenagers shotgunning cans of Hoffmeister and laughing at the seeping blob of marshmellow erupting from the microwave vents and door seals....

I lost track of most of the things that happened after the first hour, as it dawned on me that I was pretty fucked as far as my parents trust was concerned and decided to join the horde and revel in the glory of my newly found coolness - I broke open my parents extensive stash of spirits and shortly after the vomitting started.....

I woke up the following afternoon, the dog had gone missing. The house was freezing as most of the doors had been left open all night - the place stank of beer, puke, burnt food and fags - nearly everyone else had fucked off at some point and it left only 4 of us to try and do a cleanup.

I would have got away with it as well if it wasn't for those pesky kids..... filling and fucking the microwave with marshmellows and getting the porn stuck in the VCR....
(Catchag "You know!....For Kids!", Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:43, Reply)

I jus got in from one , ima tired n going to bed tell u all later...
.
(Fluent In Bentish Living in Scatman's World, tis being fun!, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:41, Reply)

just what we need
now all the sad betans who think they're crazy cause they get drunk have an excuse to post their pathetic stories here.
I drank loads,puked loads,shagged some birds,laughed at the cool kids,then went home and read lotr

Gonna be a long week.
(duluoz, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:38, Reply)

Oh dear...
When I was 13 I decided to attend a party at a friends house. I told my mum that we were going up there to play a tourament on the Sega megadrive. I even grabbed a bundle of games to make it look as authentic as possible.

As soon as I arrived a my friends house, lets call his Dez as that's his name, I was handed a glass of clear liquid and some beers. Worried what the liquid was and not really wanting to taste I decided to do the noble thing: down it in one without it touching my lips or taste buds. It turned out it was really strong vodka (about 55% vol I believe) which made me want to be sick. To prevent this I washed it down with a full bottle of red wine and about 6 bottles of beer. All I can remember after that was shouting at my mate Colin to "Get the fuck off my seat you skinny, dying off, excuse for a human". My seat was a weight bench. Thankfully I did not try to press any weights or I would probably not be here right now...
Next I remember puking green slime into a large punch bowl and asking if anyone wanted some.
After this I decided it was time to return home but OH NOES!! my mum might thing I had been drinking as my breath reeked of booze. The solution: run out onto the street and leap onto some lass about 10 years my senior and gracefully steal one of her polo mints. I somehow managed to steal the one she was eating! How I done that I never know.

Cue me staggering down to my house, jober as a sudge and attempting to get my key into the tiny excuse for a keyhole for about 10 minutes before realising the door was open. Stunned mother in shock at the state of me.

Then comes the immortal line: "HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING??"

Response: me falling up my stairs before puking all down my back (No idea..)

My God I have never had a hangover like the one I had the next morning. It lasted for about a week.

I shall never apologise for length or girth. Your mom loves it!!

Willie
( diablo290582 Professional.....something., Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:35, Reply)

The glass tree
My exploits are usually stupid rather than funny, though as I've just turned 18 they should be fresher in my memory than they are.

One stands out. In the house party where I first went with my new friends after going to a new sixth form I apparently got off with 3 girls (vaugely remembered one. Maybe.) and was having a stroll in the garden with one when I decided we should do some gardening, so we dug a hole with our hands and threw a glass in, in the logic that "if we come back in half an hour there'll be a glass tree". There wasn't. Apparently the lawnmower found it and wasn't happy.

That was only my part in it though. Some of the guys there went to the parent's room (only for a minute and, while it's usually out of bounds, his mum really was a milf) randomly opened a drawer and found a vibrator, any number of condoms and lube. Now, as we were still all 16 at the time, this was gold. They proceeded to throw them all around, hit people with the vibrator and generally tell everyone the story of how they found it. These guys turned out to be some of the mates I'd spend most time with in sixth form, and the first time I met them was when they were hitting me in the face with the vibrator to wake me up. I got off lightly - they'd been putting it in other people's mouths while they slept. Realised sixth form was gonna be fun.

Also involving a lot of the same people (the dildo finder's house for his 18th) there was a girl passed out on the bench in his garden. As it was winter we decided we had to take her in, but all attempts to lift her failed because she'd become a dead weight and wouldn't let go of the bench. I said as a joke "well, we can't then, unless we want to take the bench in.", but people started to ask "why don't we bring the bench in?" so we did, and left it in the kitchen. I left soon after because I was on anti biotics and shouldn't have been drinking, but I was told the rest of the night was spent with a couple of people dragging her halfway up the stairs, until she fell down the rest of them about ten times.

I'll miss those parties :)
( Whillow, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:34, Reply)

Where am I
My ex told me about the girl at his uni who staggered into the student bar dance floor area, pulled down her jeans and knick knacks and curled one out right in the middle of the dance floor. Apparently she thought she was in the loo. She never lived it down. Well you wouldn't would you?
(Mad McMad, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:34, Reply)

Christmas Tree?
A girl I know threw a fairly large party a while back. It was OK, plenty of booze (raided from the parents) food, crisps and music. We all get very silly, to the point where im laughing my tits off and pulling leaves of trees high above. Im holding a large clump of leaves when one of my friends dares me to eat one. 'Sure, Im bravado!' I slur, and chomp away happily at one.

Ten minutes later im on my knees in the front garden, calling for huey and coating a tree in a foetid red/green mess. This goes on for a while, I mean my colon was chipping in as well. I stand up, a little too fast, and chunder up the horrible cocktail all over this tree, stagger off and fall asleep.

The only explanation i can find is that other people followed my example, because the next day I wake up to find the tree PLASTERED in a rainbow display of vom, from about a metre up to a nice ring around the base. Ive been called christmas tree since :)
(Attention Whore, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:32, Reply)

This wasn't a party to be soon forgotten...
We were having your typical parents-not-aware house party, courtesy of my friend Bowen, and it was in his old house, him having just moved out and the house not being sold yet. Anyhoo, the party continued until 11:00pm, when an urgent message arrived from someone who had just left: Bowen's parents suspected something and had called her parents to find out what was happening. Discovering the secret party, they had done the sensible thing and set off in the car straight away. Not good. So, in a drunken hurry, the remaining 7-8 of us tried to tidy everything up and remove all trace of the party in about 5 minutes. Carrying everything we had taken to the party, we ran out of the house and set off for nowhere in particular.

We carried on down the road in our drunken impulsiveness, hiding every time a car came etc, until we stopped at a rugby club and sat on the stands deciding what to do. Eventually Bowen decided to phone his parents and get it over with. He then had a phone call which really didn't make all that much sense:

Yeah, I'm at Aidans. (Aidan's was where he had said he was going, and was in Glossop miles away)
I'm just outside Aidans.
I'm on the bus to Stockport.
I'm in Wilmslow.
No, I'm not drunk.

His vague excuses didn't really cut the mustard as there wasn't really any way in his state he could disguise that he was still not sober. We then decided that Bowen would run off to get a train back home, as he had told his parents he was already on one. The people wwho lived in the area walked home, and the other 4 of us were invited back to someone's house in Marple to sleep over

The two girls headed to the train station to order a taxi, and me and Blacky went back to Bowens to make sure that we had locked up and everything (Paranoia setting in). We got there and his parents had been and gone, as the large pile of mail had vanished. We went back to the train station, to find out that the two girls had met Bowen there, but his parents had arrived and rather angrily taken him away.

We got the taxi back, and staggered together some beds. Just talking though, me and Blacky realised that A) I had forgotten my camera and B) He has forgotten his GCSE DT coursework folder, deadline tuesday. Rather worried, we went to bed.

Next morning, we woke up at 8 and hatched a plan. We phoned Bowen and asked to borrow the keys to his old house (:P) to get our stuff, and also offered to tidy up all the stuff we'd left for him. Me and Blacky got the bus from Marple to Stockport, and then boarded the 199 to Whaley Bridge to pick up the keys.

However, just as we were passing school I got a phone call saying that my older brother was going to the house where I was meant to be to pick me up because my little brother was ill and I had to stay in the house with him as everyone else was going out.

I quickly said that I was actually heading to *mumblemumble* with Blacky to pick up some stuff, and that I was just passing school. I was then told that i would have to make my own way home, so I pressed the stop button and jumped off the bus leaving a stunned Blacky to the 2 hour journey to Whaley Bridge and back.

Being at school, Isports kit (massive bag) that I had left behind the previous day, so I ran into school and grabbed that.

Loaded with huge bags and a large lacrosse stick as well as all my stuff from Bowens, I walked to the bus station in Stockport past the college, which was just having break and so there were evil looking chavs everywhere. I got to the bus station without getting mugged and got the bus back home, before walking up my large hill and practically collapsing onto my bed.
(Josh04, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:24, Reply)

Never trust a posh girl.
New year's eve a few years ago was rather an interesting night. Me and my mate, who we will call Alex on account of that being his name, had taken our place as sad-act losers and were settling down to see in the new year with a couple of cans of Woodpecker. At about ten to eleven, decided to sign onto MSN for a minute just to wish anyone there a happy new year. Get a message from one of my female mates (who we shall call Pat, which is almost her name) who invites us to her new years do. Now she's very posh and quite attractive, so I figure her mates will be much the same. Bit late in the procedings, but not wishing to miss out on the chance to try it on with five girls we'd never met, me and Alex agreed, grabbed a couple of bottles, and headed out to the party.

New year's celebration went off as planned, aulda lang syne and all that bollocks. Completely failed to get off with any of the girls, but neither did my mate (and as a lead-up to the upcoming bit, I will say my mate is not a looker. Deformed jaw, huge birthmark across fave, ratty ginger hair, he's certainly not going to win any beauty contests). Argued with Pat's mum about whether Yorkshire can be called Northern (I argue it fucking well can be, because it's a long way north of Northampton). Four AM came, and we all decided to crash out on couches and try and get some sleep. Four sleeping abreast on the floor, I'm sleeping just across everyone's heads on the sofa. Lights go out, passing out commences.

Or it should do.

Possibly ten minutes after the lights have gone out, I hear a rather sloppy sucking noise. I think nothing of it, until I hear another one. And then another one. I open one eye and realise that Alex, the shovelfaced monster, is getting rather kissy with Pat, whose parents are upstairs. Fair game to him, I think and roll over and try and put it out of my mind.

They then choose to start getting a little closer. Not to mention louder. My mind starts filling in the gaps, and I actually feel physically sick. I then hear a very loud "zzziippp" sound. Right, I think, I'm not going to hang around here and listen to posh mate relieving ugly mate of his virginity. And only partly because I didn't want to vomit all over them while they were going at it. So I stagger out of the room and loiter in the toilet for a while. I then find another room to collapse in.

Wake up next morning to find living room much as I left it the previous night, only with posh mate wearing her top inside out. Nobody is making any comments, and there is definitely an air of discomfort. The girl who'd been trying to sleep next to them had a face full of bruises, which I later discovered were from her being pushed into the fireplace repeatedly by the rather selfish pair who'd been going at it with no thought for anyone else.

Pat's boyfriend of the time (who wasn't at the party) never found out as far as I know. I still tease her about it to this day. After Pat, Alex went all downhill and is now dolescum and an alcoholic, which is quite impressive given he's not 18 yet.

No apologies for girth or length, they're my most recommended features.
( Noit happy baby orangutan, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:15, Reply)

*sigh*
Reading about parties is nowhere near as fun as going to parties is it?
(Bunnygirl, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:14, Reply)

Obligatory
I'd like to attend a teenage party :-)

/lurk
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:13, Reply)

Twas last saturday...
Miss Blues story reminded me of my mates 18th last week. We are all pretty respectable white people all having jollies on the dance floor in this social/footbal club pubby bar thing.But lo! 2 black men walk in. One was quite respectable but the other had his hood up and base ball cap and tht. Everything fell silent-everyone just stared and stared. No-one knew who they were...expet other friends brother who had invited them to sing a song. They sang a nice song and apparently recorded a video for MTV Bass-wahey!bit odd but charming.At the same party-someone got so rat arsed, they just shat everywhere.mmmm pleasant.
(TheSadisticThespian, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:13, Reply)

Party Pranks
_disclaimer
I know all these stories start the same - teenagers getting very drunk and doing silly things, but this is no exception, so i apologise in advance

After a few too many drinks, we decided it would be a great idea to nick a load of roadsigns from the roadworks at the bottom of my mate's street.

Upon returning with our 'booty', we came to the realisation that there was scope for entertainment here... Basically, we positioned the signs at various locations to redirect traffic onto the one way system in such a way that it was impossible to get out of once inside.

I don't think I'll ever forget the headlines in the local rag :

"Local prank leaves nearly 200 cars stranded"
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:12, Reply)

Ah the Memories!
Ah a nostalgic QOTW.

I remember being told, (i was there but the night seemed to blur quite heavily) about my friend having a party for which i attended at his house.
At first he had gatecrashers who were dealt with, but retaliated with a brick through a window.

The party got underway... quickly. We were 15-14 at the time and had somehow come into the possesion of a large amount of booze, so being inexperienced i stupidly started mixing them.
Then i was snogging this girl i liked then called Linzi (for that was her name).
We ended up in my friends bedroom, just snogging on his bed, and yes i fall asleep.
Then apparently i got upstairs and loudly proclaimed i wasnt drunk at all before falling onto another bed.

Apparently i vom'd all over that bed, but thats something i profusely deny (though i have no idea) and then took at trip to the toilet and fell asleep on that. Hugging it.
To be rudely awaken by my friends father shouting "Tom!, one of your dickbrain friends is asleep on the toilet!"

Ah Happy Days
(insanegl0ss saw the grass on the pitch..., Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:12, Reply)

messy break up.
Many moons ago my parents went off for a weekend to "sort things out" (read as try not to split up some good that did eh?)
They planned to leave Friday Afternoon and would return Sunday evening.
Friday afternoon arrived and they departed with fake "everything is going to be ok" smiles plastered across their faces.
Pretty much As soon as the car was out of sight the party began.
The plan was to have it Friday night/saturday morning then have Saturday/Sunday to clean up any mess.

Friday night and the place is swinging everybody is having a good time nothing is broken its all quite civilised really.
About 11:30 my parents return things have gone "too far" and they are still arguing as they enter the house, then see a house full of teenagers and turn their wrath onto me.
Everybody scarpers except my best mate who is shagging my sister.......in my parents bed.
My dad did comment that at least somebody was fucking in there.
Still 10 years later nobody on either side (because it still is about sides) mentions that night.
(Barry Chuckle has gone out in the thong to feed the pigeons, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:12, Reply)

Piss
It was two years ago in april, went to a party at a rich friends house. With all the toilets being used, people started relieving themselves outside, as you do, however not usually in such spectacular fashion as one mate who pissed from the balcony straight down into the poor people's barbecue.

Apparently, they used it a couple of weeks later too. Didn't smell too pretty.
(Angry Pierre likes his Guinness, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:06, Reply)

Mr Lion
Was second year of university & our 3-man household has a house-warming. There end up being a bunch of random people we don't know there & it gets a bit fucked up after playing "the love funnel", which is, someone puts a funnel in their mouth, other people pour their drinks into it.

Theres this HUGE black guy there, noone knows where he came from & noone knows him, he's really quiet & lurking omonously. Then my mate who's *completely* pissed (skinny white blonde), goes "hoooows it goooing niiiiiigeer home boooy g freeessh". Everyone goes completely silent..... luckily he's all like "I really respect that you can say that man".

Then my other mate who doesn't usually get *really* drunk just loses control & ends up in the bath pretending to be a Lion, just growling at anyone who comes past. Then later he starts crawling around the house on all-4's trying to bite peoples legs.

So many others though....
(Miss_Blue, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 12:03, Reply)

Hmm...
I had a party a couple of which ago, which culminated in a friend and I pissing into my neighbour's garden before stealing their ladder and leaving it several doors up the road.

At 26 I know it's not quite a teenager party, but I still whack off over 12 year olds so I guess it counts.
(misteroz, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:58, Reply)

Rubbish Party and Rubbish Question
So I was in Australia for a party, and it was chuffing awful. Then blow me down income Harold Bishop (fat guy from Neighbours).
Being slightly intoxicated I shouted out "Harold why are you so fat?"
Bastard retorted "Cos every time I fuck your mum she gives me a biscuit. Now get out of my house party for my teenage daughter."
"No worries it's shit anyway" I showed him :)

Anyway went to get an ice cream, from the Mr. Whippy. But his fucking bells were chiming and he said "don't know why you're scared, I've got to drive back on my own." Then he threw a bag of cocks at me.

I also find it accidently erotic when i reply late to questions
(Ka-Tingey www.myspace.com/paultingey weekly updated funnies, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:48, Reply)

Posh Kid Party Stealing & Vandalism
Im ashamed to say that back in early 90's Bedford a party was little more than excuse for theft and vandalism of some poor saps house..ESPECIALLY if the party happened to be being held by a kid from one of Bedford's various 'posh' schools
the average Bedford 'party' would have gone like this:
* upon hearing of the party all must arrive at the venue mob handed and preferably in badly 'modded' Ford Fiestas or Mark II Cortinas that are playing rubbish Rave or Drum n Bass.
* when entering the venue all must give 'evils' to the assembled public school types and make sexist and aggressive comments to their girlfriends- it is ESSENTIAL that one of you now produce a knife/CS gas canister or other offensive weapon for 'effect'.
* an expedition by the biggest and most evil looking of your party must then be mounted to the kitchen to steal booze and drugs while the thieves accompanying you retire to the bedrooms to steal valubles and ladies underwear (to be worn on head/wanked into later)
* if no fight starts of its own accord- start one use bottles and/or aforementioned offensive weapons
* when fight is won (due to your underhand use of weapons and your overwelming numbers) proceed to punch and kick holes in walls/doors, break expensive looking furniture and, if you can find some, tread dog shit through the lounge and if you have time, the upstairs bedrooms.
* abscond forthwith as you swear you saw that tasty blond posh girl on the phone to the pigs
( bigmeuprudeboy is using powerpoint or paint...have MERCY, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:47, Reply)

I did a poo in the bath. I didn't "have" to.
I was 16. The parents were on holiday. My brother who is 5 years older had a party for him & his close friends & lots of booze was drunk with the usual tom-foolery. Keith passed out and had "TWAT" written on his forehead for instance. All good fun.

Until the next morning when my brother wakes me up with a confused look on his face & asks why there is poo in the bath. Not an unreasonable question I suppose. Luckily it was quite a solid one & easy to transfer to the toilet, the natural habitat of poo.

I am now a 29 year old Accountant and my brother is a 34 year old IT consultant, but that party is still referred to as the night I did a poo in the bath which I would rather he didn't do as people tend to start attaching certain 'labels' to me when they find out, I mean;

You drink one pint of beer & you're not an 'alcoholic',

You have one toke on a joint and it doesn’t make you a 'drug addict',

But you shit in the bath once...
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:44, Reply)

Oh so many.
I remember a mate of mine back then, Mr Ben L Peachey, got totally munted off a bottle of Bells. This was when we were around 15, and were at a cast party, and we were trying to impress our peers, who were a year or two older.

The poor bastard managed to fall down a narrow flight of stairs and cracked a rib. He did happen to end up with his head between the legs of a girl he liked, saddly, there was a bowl involved, and him vomiting.

The same night, Craig Tucker managed to show how he couldn't drink, getting munted on 3 cans of Stella. He then decided it was too hot, and tried to open a window. Instead of pushing this window up(It was a two part vertical sliding window) he puts his hand on the saftey bar that goes across the middle of the window, presses his wrist against the pane of glass and pushes hard.

He nearly got blood on my shoes and I was about 6-8 feet away. Ended up in A&E needing some glue in his wrist. He then lied and told his parents he only had a can or two.

Countless parties at Tom Wainwrights. I remember snogging a few people, on being a girl named Jess, who afterwards relied on me for two weeks so she didn't try to kill herself...again.

My friend Anna managed to get wasted by 9pm, fall in the pond and was in bed dried up by 10. She woke up at 12, bounced round the house like nothing had happend and went home. She was sad she lost her weed in the pond.

She also lost her weed when my friends Phil and Ian decided to steal it, and replace it with daisys and dandilions. Oh the hilarity.

I once found out never to drink vodka with grapefruit and then neck 2 pints of cider. I ended up chundering so bad, the girl I was trying to impress didn't talk to me for a while.

Also, this summer, some American friends were visiting, and we made a point of getting drunk a lot. The visiting kids were 14-17, with us UK kids being just old enough to buy booze. Most nights were good drunken times, but one night it got a little out of hand. One girl got hold of the Amerula, and drank most of it without us noticing. This would have been ok, except she had never drunk before, and got in a total state. She showed bad signs, and we had to drop her in the loo to vomit.

She puked a bit and passed out, so we put her in the conservatory on an old sofa, covered her with a duvet and left her. 5 minutes later, she was drunkenly squriming on the sofa, with everything covered in puke. Her, her hair, the duvet, the sofa, the floor.

Muggins here had to pick her up, carry her to the loo and get somebody to look after her while I cleaned up the leagues of vomit. The poor girl puked even more in the loo, and I had to carry her back to the sofa. She got to sleep, morning came and the parents of the house weren't happy with the smell, but were at least ok as we handled it. This was the morning the Americans were leaving.

Standing outside the coach, one American mother was chatting to the mother from the party, and comments that the kids had a late night. The lovely English mother comments how "Elise" got totaly drunk and puked everywhere. Oh noes.

This American mother was the mother of the lovely Elise. I think she was grounded for two weeks.

I should stop now.
( The Sisko I hate the whole world, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:40, Reply)

How to re-point a sky dish
1. get drunk at friends party
2. climb on flat roof over the conservatory
3. kick dish repeatedly
4. piss on dish
5. giggle inanely at the host who's just spotted what you're doing
6. fall off roof onto the grass
7. try and figure out who did a shit in the bath

T'was quite amusing
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:39, Reply)

Teenage parties...
Gotta love 'em


Regards,
G Glitter.
(nappy rash, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:39, Reply)

Camping on an island to celebrate the end of third year...
There were a lot of us, mostly chavvy bastards who weren't invited and people who'd left school. The beer was stored in the bottm of the pond and there were a few bottles of Jack Daniels and 1 bottle of vodka, which I was in possession of.

A couple of hours in, before most people had even arrived, one guy, Rory (bit of a knob, claims he's a vampire,) got drunk on a very minimal amount of budweiser. He spontaniously started bleeding profusely from the nose and crying about his dead cat. Then he beat a few people up and ran to the edge of the island and started yelling into the sky "WHY ME!?!".

So then another wanker got very drunk and started running around and shooting people with his fingers. I made him a cape and told him he was batman. He then thought that he had to save someone drowning in the water. I tryed to persuade him that he wasn't really batman, but before I knew it he was knee deep in the river Tay. So I jumped in after him and dragged him out backwards and got someone to help me drag him back to the fire to dry off.

While we were at the fire Rory, who had been calmed down ran off into the forest. So me and a mate ran off after him. After searching for five minutes we found him curled up, asleep in a hollow tree stump. He was then taken home.

When I got back to the fire, Batman had gone. So again I found myself running wildly around the island shouting his name. I found him waist-deep in the pond the beers were stored in. I asked him what the fuck he was doing. "I'm looking for beer!" he shouted exhuberantly. Of course, all the alcohol except for my bottle of vodka had gone (and noone was getting any of that). After coaxing him out of the pool by saying that his dad was looking for him (he wasn't and it made no sense, but he was pissed) and got him back to the fire.

When I got to the fire, more drama had unfolded. The year's most mysoginistic guy, Callum, had accidentally/purposely elbowed a chav in the face and, as it is with "their sort", all the chavs were ganging together to beat him up. He'd already run away and a team of four of us went out looking for him.
We found him half a mile away sat in a circle with Big Steve and his mates from work, after they'd gone out to buy more alcohol. We tryed to force Callum back to camp but he was shit-scared off his fate... so for a laugh we hid him in a ditch. He was constantly going "Thankyou. I'll never forget this." and even gave us his phone so he didn't crush it. We read his texts from his ex-girlfriend and lauhed a lot at their hostility. Never knew he was the submissive type. Eventually, after he tryed to leg it a few times we forced him back into camp, carefully put him in his tent so the chavs wouldn't see and sent him to sleep.
Five minutes later he'd woken up and was giving hugs to all the chavs. Awwww...

But his humiliation did not stop their. Big Steve was chatting to some older guys wo'd left school about teachers. One of them asked "Is Mrs Rae still there?" and Callum piped up "Aye, Mrs Rae. She's got fucking big tits. I'd fuck her any day." Mrs Rae is probably the least desirable teacher in the school and he's never lived that statement down to this day.

So then we all got bored and went to sleep. We managed to get 3 people in my two man tent which had earlier been broken by another drunken jumping on top of it. All was fine until Big Steve, full of about 2 small bottles of Jack Daniels shouts "I'm coming in" and dives on top of us. The tent is fucked.
Luckily was managed to get in someone elses tent. There were 7 of us in a 4 man and barely anyone, except Callum, got any sleep.

In the morning I awoke to find someone had eaten my breakfast.

Sorry for length.
( Butters and his titanium codsocket, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:33, Reply)

Two stories:
One: many of my friends smoked pot. Whenever I did, a nice shade of green ensured, followed immediately by a session of upchucking. Blow backs and crumbling over yogurt worked, though, so that was nice - was/is probably the tabacco. Once fell asleep after quaffing said yogurt on a radiator. Not leaning up against it, but actually curled up on it, like a cat.
Two: I'd often save time weeing by doing it walking along, across parks, etc. so that my mates didn't have to stop, and I didn't have to catch up. At a particular friends BBQ, with them sat next to the garage eating and drinking at a picnic table, I decided it would be funny to get up onto the garage and relieve myself over them. Good times, but a lot of piss taking.

They loved the length.
(tmozzy Eb Eb+ Ab Abm Eb Bb+ Eb On a large cheesey organ, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:31, Reply)

False hangover cures
cue another mate of mine, duncan. This guy had such a low tolerance for alcohol that you could breath on him after a pint and he'd fall over.

We all wake up the next morning with tremendous hangovers, and he asks "whats the best way to get rid of this fucking headache?"

One of the other lads said (with a perfectly straight face) "eat a whole bulb of garlic after drinking a pint of water".

It was so funny, that when we were sat down a few minutes later watching one of the starwars films, all you can hear instead of the vader breathing noise is the projectile vomiting of the most gullable man on the planet.

The party was on a friday night. He didn't look anywhere near human until the following wednesday. He gets very nauseous every time he smells garlic now.

hehehe
(Darkpie 3.243F6A8885A308D31319, Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:30, Reply)

The best party
I had at my place was when I had such a nice trip, I just led in front of the tv in one rooms watching Fractile experience videos one after another, letting everyone else get on with it.

Always ended up with blim burns all over the sofa's and some of my best tapes nicked but who cares....

A car window got kicked in because we wouldn't let on bloke in and all persons were penned up on my height chart, drawn on the wall in the bathroom....so generally, it was all harmless fun.

I use the word harmless in the loosest sense. Cant remember the morning after carnage.....but I do remember the years after carnage. :)
(Oops....did I say that out loud cos I really bloody want to., Thu 13 Apr 2006, 11:28, Reply)